Lake Ontario is cruel.

I spent months getting ready; but was disappointed with a a time of 2hours and 4 minutes to swim 3.8km. I had done some open water swimming to get ready; but I just wasn't ready for the choppiness in Lake Ontario this morning. I should stop beating myself up over it, two people didn't even finish the race and I was the only non-athlete in attendance.

Still, I feel embarrassed. Both of my calves seized up within about 20m of the finish and I had to dog-paddle my way to the end and then had to be helped out of the water.

I saw a heron in the pond North of campus on my way back from swimming.

Tonight we went down to pay our respects to burned remains of Mel's. I did not know I had an emotional connection to that restaurant until it was gone.

For the non-Waterloo people on my flist

Today I am 23.

The weather is so unseasonably warm, I was wading in Lake Huron yesterday.

Today I learned it takes 13 times for me to stop being excited about giving blood. Lucky number 14 today, with a slow donation time of 10 minutes.

I am sitting in the Calgary airport waiting for my red-eye flight back home.

First my self-pity wanted to make me write an entry abut how awful the last 10 days of spending time with my family was. Next my desire for respect told me to be flippant and understated about it.

But really? Fuck it. I don't like coming home; but I don't do it for me. And suddenly I am okay with that.

Easier to say when I am finally on my own, I'll grant you. Hopefully I'll look at this entry next year when it is time to go home and remind myself of the way I feel right now.

It wasn't all bad. I became acquainted with my family's new dog, Hannah. Hannah is a Saint Bernard, which if you know Saint Benards (and I didn't) pretty much sums it up. I am really in love with her personality at this point, and if all Saint Bernards are much like her, I shall be sorely tempted to get one, one day. She is a big sweetie. Every night I took her out for a long walk, usually over an hour and usually just the two of us. Most days we took her out to a nearby park, now deserted in the snow. There we could let her off her lead and experience the majestic sight of a happy Saint Bernard running through the snow. And that was the best part of my holidays.

Also on the bright side, the CPAP treatment is really working. I was in a 6 hour meeting the week before I left for my holidays and didn't feel sleepy once. And since I am now longer 'under medical investigation' I can give blood again and did before I left.

After three nights with the auto-PAP machine I have made it through the whole day without needing a nap for the first time since April.

Last night my Uncle Bill died.

I wasn't really close to him, so I don't really feel much of anything about it all; but it has my mom is shaken. He was ill; but everyone thought he had another year or so in him.

Today I saw the sleep specialist about the result of MSLT.

The good news it isn't Narcolepsy after all. He thought it was; but the results of the test were negative. Which brings me to the bad news. I do have sleep apena. I'll be getting and an auto-cpap machine on Monday to use for a week to determine what level of ventilation I'll need. Then I'll do a four week trial with a cpap machine to see if it makes a difference.

I am a little disappointed that it isn't narcolepsy. I am relieved it isn't narcolepsy. And currently, I am optimistic about cpap.

Came home last night to a message on my answering machine. An appointment slot has opened up for me to have my MLST on Thursday. Now I am terribly nervous I'll go in on Thursday and the excitement and novelty of being there will keep me awake. On the other hand I'll be spending the night there Wednesday night, and if I sleep anything like I did last time, I should be quite exhausted on Thursday.