Dracula Retrospective Directory

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Dracula: Resurrection – Originally released October, 1999

  1. Original Novel and Opening Cutscenes: I vant to be 3D! I vill be 3D! At any cost!
  2. Inn: A constant background hissing noise, as Mischa’s model gradually deflates.
  3. Village to Bridge Puzzle: Clong, bang, smash, and other classic Batman sounds.
  4. Village to Quarry: And when you’re looking for security, always remember: Guy Who’s Constantly Facing the Wrong Way Security Services!
  5. Quarry to Dungeon: How did we go from “action shot eked out jumping a five-foot gap” to “rollercoaster across haunted Transylvania?”
  6. Castle Foyer to Library: To kill a vampire, phase a stake through the geometry of its heart.
  7. Castle Towers: Heaven above (heaven aprox Italy circa 1500), Hell below (hell aprox Z-tier softcore porno circa 1990).

Dracula 2: The Last Sanctuary – Originally released September 25, 2000

  1. Carfax: The estate is called Carfax, no doubt a corruption of the old “Vaporizing bats with mirrors.”
  2. Asylum to Highgate: Caffeinated eyewash.
  3. Asylum: Ah, I see Bill has our seasonal restock of Ecto Cooler.
  4. Sewers to Styx: Technological horror at its finest.
  5. Carfax to Highgate: I entrust this Retrospective to St. George, only for him to spend the day shouting, “Wow, a computer!”
  6. Quarry to Graveyard: There’s hell in them thar hills!
  7. Castle: Is there no role in the sequel for Dorko?
  8. The Last Sanctuary: Dracula vs Alien.

Dracula 3: The Path of the Dragon – Originally released March 30, 2008

  1. Day 1 – Vatican to Vladoviste Streets: I used to be Sebastian, then I took an arrow to my everywhere.
  2. Day 1: The horror of self-reflection.
  3. Day 2 – Inn: High crimes against narrative flow.
  4. Day 2 – Train Station to Inn: Saint Martha guide us through our new homework assignment on vampires.
  5. Day 2 – Dispensary: I vant to type your blood!
  6. Day 2 – Remaining: Bronze Age Blasphemy.
  7. Day 3 – Budapest: Filed alongside his fan-letters to Verne, Poe, etc.
  8. Day 4: Dice de Dracula
  9. Day 5 to Day 6: Accepting the call but forgetting to ask for directions.
  10. Day 7 – Fox Peak: Understated moment of this post: Arno the expert rappeller.
  11. Day 8 – Vladoviste to Day 9 – Budapest: Dewey Decimated
  12. Day 10 – Bomb and Fusebox Puzzles: Three! Three seconds to live! Ah-ah-ah!
  13. Day 10 – Blood Test Puzzle: Type V blood! For Vampire! Wow, that was easier than I thought.
  14. Day 10 – Decryption Machine Puzzle: Arno caps off his revenge with very rude graffiti, like “heck.”
  15. Day 10 – Luana to Photo Lab: The world’s worst period, worst exclamation mark, worst semicolon.
  16. Day 10 – Entrance to the Path: Magic spells and bullets.
  17. Day 10 – Path of the Dragon, Part 1: Nothing says “We’re the heroes” like leaving a quasi-immortal in a tiny prison for the rest of his extended life!
  18. Day 10 – Path of the Dragon, Part 2: Wall covered in dishevelled quasi-evidence, strings draw every piece back to a post-it note marked “DRACULA.”
  19. Day 10 – Finale: Extended employee interview process.

Dracula 4: The Shadow of the Dragon – Originally released June 18, 2013

  1. Prologue: Art and police evidence restorer.
  2. Vambery Library: Mispronouncing “foreign” words like “Whitby,” “Vambery,” and “Stoker.”
  3. Hidden Room to Crypt: Electrical repair via Pipe Dream, ventilation repair via Welltris.
  4. Vault to Chapter End: [blows open your bedroom wall] Excuse me I need to borrow your scytale.
  5. Istanbul: Quick, store those valuable paintings in the S E C R E T P U P P E T R O O M.

Dracula 5: The Blood Legacy – Originally released November 2, 2013

  1. New York: Encarta Encyclopedia wants you to remember the 90s!
  2. Basilica: Ah yes, the traditional storage space for walking sticks: bricked off alive like the Cask of Amontillado.
  3. Istanbul: 0 Bedrooms, 0 Bath, 1 Secret Stone Bier For Holding Your Mortal Remains.
  4. Chornobyl: The most important vampire traits: drinking blood, afraid of garlic, shipping large quantities of stone across rivers…

Bonus Game – Necronomicon: The Dawning of Darkness – Originally released November 10, 2000

  1. William’s Home to Edgar’s Front Door: Ah yes, our first eldritch antagonist: a butler. I knew something was fishy about you, Glide!
  2. Sir Christopher’s Home to Edgar’s Home: Alternate universe where Herschell has hijacked the backstory of Tom Sawyer, The Wizard of Oz, maybe 120 Days of Sodom.
  3. Edgar’s Home to Basement Room: “Oh, that’s just my Bungalow of Dropped Puzzle Assets. It’s the latest craze!
  4. Sanitarium to City of the Old Ones: You know: empty, non-euclidean spaces, heavy barrier doors, absolutely no contents… a city!