It’s the perfect day for a wedding at Camp Water Mill, the sun is shining, as though to bless the happy couple, it’s getting warmer but not too much. Jared looks out of the window of the cabin he is getting ready in, and smiles. If he looks to the right, he can see the exact spot he saw Jensen for the first time, all those years ago. Looking back, he can’t believe they are here today. It’s like a dream come true.<\/p>
Their lives went on after Jensen proposed to Jared. His boyfriend had taken Jared totally by surprise, he had never expected it, specially after having shamefully feeling unsure of himself and if he really deserved Jensen to stay with him. Then his boyfriend - now fiance, and soon to be husband - proved him wrong once again, to Jared’s happiness. They had their private celebration after returning home. At first, there was more crying as they held each other tight. Then the celebration had moved to their bedroom, and neither of them got much sleep that night. Jared smiles at the memory and blushes faintly.<\/p>
In the months that followed, Jared had eventually became comfortable with only one crutch and had learned to get around just fine with it, which gives him much more freedom - plus he gets to hold Jensen’s hand as they walk. He still keeps two, and even his wheelchair just in case, specially for long periods of walking around. As he had told Jensen, he really is fine with it, he’s independent, can do pretty much everything and go all the places he used to, it might only take a little more time. He also needs aid to stay upright even when he isn’t walking and that’s okay too, specially when it’s Jensen’s arms around him. Then, he’s really<\/em> okay with it.<\/p> Jensen is also making progress. He started community college last fall, and is currently taking specialized classes to get a license in Automotive Service Technology. Turns out Jensen has a passion for cars and wanted to go back to studying, and just last month he got a job at a garage. Jared can see how Jensen is proud of himself, and Jared is so proud of him he could burst. It’s awesome to see his fiance doing something he loves. And of course, he continues as the lead singer of Raising Kane and they are gaining popularity as a successful local band, everyone loves to see Jensen sing, and Jared never misses a gig.<\/p> Regarding Stephen, he had gone to trial some months ago. As predicted, Jared was called to testify, and Jensen, Chris and Chad were also called to tell what they witnessed, but of course Jared’s was the most important testimony. Jensen had driven them to the court, and when Jared was called to speak, he had a moment of panic when he saw Stephen. The man was seated in front of him, with a lawyer by his side, a smug smirk on his face. When the prosecutor started asking questions, Jared couldn’t find his voice, but one look at Jensen in the audience, and seeing the encouraging smile on his face, made Jared feel quietly confident. He firmly stated everything that happened, including what Stephen forced him to do, and the jury was shown the video to prove it was the truth. The prosecutor had asked Jared if the fact that he was walking with a crutch had anything to do with what happened to him.<\/p> “Yes, due to the heavy beating I suffered and for being thrown out of a moving car, I was left with an incomplete spinal cord injury, leading to partial paralysis in my legs. I also needed brain surgery to treat an edema” Jared had answered the woman. By this point, Stephen didn’t seem quite so sure about his destiny anymore as he kept whispering to his lawyer.<\/p> “And that is a permanent condition? Do you have a medical record to prove it?” The prosecutor asked.<\/p> Jared did, and he had told her he brought it with him to be added to the case. Jared knew the woman was already aware of it, but she was obviously asking those question for the jury. There was no way to save Stephen, and much to Jared’s relief, he was convicted to 6 years in prison. Jared wished it was more, but at least the man was not declared innocent and was gonna pay for his crimes.<\/p> A little more than a month ago though, Jared had received a call from Officer Morgan. The officer had told him it was an unofficial call, they had gotten news at the station that there had been an uprising in the prison Stephen was being held in, and that he was killed. Morgan said there was a rumor that he had refused to be someone’s bitch, and the guy had stabbed him during the uproar. Jared knew he shouldn’t feel that way, but he was relieved for Stephen’s death. Now they didn’t have to worry about what would happen to them when the man was released from prison. Karma is really a bitch and Stephen really got what he deserved.<\/p> As for their wedding plans, Sherri and Donna had decided to take care of everything. Jared knows they were trying to make up for what they did in the past, and Jared is more than happy that they got so involved in planning the celebration, and even became friends, things really do change. Jensen was the one who came up with the idea of having the wedding at the camp. He had told Jared he did some research and found out the place still existed. They contacted the owners and they were thrilled to rent the place for the ceremony.<\/p> The boys had made the drive to the camp to visit it and see where they could hold the event. It had been an extremely emotional day for both of them, stepping foot onto the place they first met, years ago. A place that held so many memories and meant so much for them. Jared had cried when he remembered the last time he was there. He had been sure he wasn’t returning the following year, and if he ever did come back, it would be only in a dream where ‘Jack’ was with him. Realizing it had come true, they were both here again and they were going to exchange vows here, was more than Jared could handle.<\/p> Jared and Jensen had looked around and taken notes, to list where everything should be. Their mothers had wanted to come along, but Jared and Jensen wanted to have this moment just for themselves. They spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the camp, visiting the places that hold so many memories. Neither had said much, they only held each other’s hands tightly. There weren’t many words to express what going back to the camp meant to them, it was their sacred place.<\/p> There’s a knock on the door and Jared is brought back to the present. His brother is there to check on him.<\/p> “How are you doing here? Feeling like throwing up already?” Jeff teases him as he helps Jared wrestle with his tie.<\/p> “Almost.” Jared gives Jeff a tentative smile. “Look Jeff, I hope you’re okay with the best man thing.”<\/p> Jeff brushes him off. “It’s fine, kiddo. I understand and respect your choice and I am just happy to be here”<\/p> Both of their brothers had traveled to the wedding. But while Jensen had promptly asked Josh to be his best man, Jared didn’t follow him. He loved Jeff, and their relationship had progressed a lot over the past few months, but Jared couldn’t have anyone to serve as his best man but Chad. He had been Jared’s best friend through it all, he had supported Jared in everything, especially when he told his friend he was gay and in love with Jensen. He had given up his apartment so that Jared could give Jensen shelter and have the chance to start their lives together by themselves, had kept Jared company when he was recovering and Jensen had to work, and his friendship and loyalty never faltered. He had explained all of this to Jeff, who had understood and was more than happy with his role as groomsman. He joked that he was the tallest and best looking anyway. Chad had called Jared a sap when he asked his friend to be his best man, but Jared could see that he was privately thrilled, and he was beaming when he replied with a ‘hell yeah’.<\/p> Josh also checks up on him, bringing little William, who will be the ring bearer. Josh’s present to them had been their honeymoon trip. Jared and Jensen will be spending a week in London, followed by a weekend in Manchester of course, to visit Josh and his family. Jared is very excited about it.<\/p> When Sherri announces it’s time, Jared’s heart starts beating fast, he grabs his crutch and adjusts the cuff on his forearm so it won’t wrinkle the sleeve of his tux jacket, gripping the handle tight as he slowly stands up, fixing his tux. Sherri smiles up at him, placing a kiss on Jared’s cheek.<\/p> “Time to go get your man, J.T.”<\/p> When Jared first sees Jensen at the makeshift altar, in a tux identical to his, with the sun starting to set behind him, his eyes water. His fiance looks gorgeous, with the tips of his hair dyed blue. Jared’s own hair has a blue lock as well. They had talked about it, agreeing that it would serve as their something blue since it holds a special meaning to them. They are also wearing matching blue ties.<\/p> When Jared starts to slowly walk down the aisle, it feels like walking towards a dream. There’s nobody there, but Jensen and his beautiful smile. Jared remembers the day when he looked out the window and saw Jack getting off the bus, and when he was sorted into his team right here, in the field they are standing on right now. So much has happened between then and now, but here he is, walking into his future with Jensen. When they arrive, Jensen approaches Jared and takes his hand, standing on his tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.<\/p> “You look beautiful.” Jensen whispers so that only Jared can hear. Jared smiles at him and they climb the steps to the altar together.<\/p> The ceremony is very traditional, as they both requested. They want to show their love for each other in every possible way, and it’s a very emotional moment for everyone there. When the priest announces it’s time to say the vows, Jensen goes first. They hadn’t shared anything with each other regarding their vows, what they were thinking about writing, both of them wanted it to be a surprise.<\/p> Josh hands Jensen the paper with his vows, and as he turns back to Jared.<\/p> “Jared. I tried to come up with so many things to say, but as you already know, nothing that I tell you will be enough to show how much I love you and how much you mean to me. So instead of writing a vow, I cheated. I read this quote in a very special place and I thought I should read it to you now.”<\/p> Jensen clears his throat and steps closer to Jared, touching his hand as he reads it, his eyes never leaving his fiance as he has pretty much memorized the words.<\/p> “Some say every night is a night of dreams. Others assure us that not all nights are of dreams, only summer nights. In the end, it doesn’t really matter. What is important is not the night itself but the dreams. Dreams that one can always dream, everywhere, in all seasons, asleep or awake.<\/em><\/p> “Jared, you’ve been my dream ever since I was 15 years old. And then you became my reality. Now we’ll finally have our happily ever after, the one we’ve been dreaming so much about for so long and I can’t wait for it to start.”<\/p> Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand as he finishes, resisting the urge to kiss him right now. Jared is looking at him with shining, wet eyes and a knowing smile on his face. He knows exactly where Jensen read this quote, and he can’t believe he did that.<\/p> Chad hands Jared his own paper, but he only takes it to be safe, since he also pretty much memorized what he has to say.<\/p> “Well, first of all, I’m gonna have to hide that notebook in a safer place.” Jared starts with a smirk on his face as Jensen blushes. “But I’ll let you know we had the same idea. I also couldn’t find the right words to say to you, so I chose a poem that I hope it conveys at least a tiny bit, how much you mean to me. So, here it goes.<\/p> “I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere I go you go my dear, and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true. And it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you. Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud, and the sky of the sky of a tree called life, which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.”<\/em><\/p> Neither of them say anything else, they only look at each other after Jared’s finished, sharing this moment, silent tears falling from their eyes. The moment is only broken when the priest comes closer and clears his throat to get their attention.<\/p> “Jensen Ross Ackles, do you take Jared Tristan Padalecki to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love and honor, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?”<\/p> Jensen holds Jared’s hand and stares deeply into his eyes as he answers, his voice hoarse.<\/p> “I do.”<\/p> The priest smiles and turns to Jared.<\/p> “Jared Tristan Padalecki, do you take Jensen Ross Ackles to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, to love and honor, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?”<\/p> Jared’s mind travels back to 14 years ago, when a little boy first saw a boy with blue hair in this very same place, and he had no idea that the boy would become his whole existence. He couldn’t imagine how that boy would change every aspect of him, and that missing him would become a part of Jared’s life. Little did he know back then that boy would visit his dreams every night from then on. And on those nights that he missed him so much, not even in his best dreams he would imagine being here today, in front of his soulmate, the person who taught him everything he knows about love, ready to become everything he ever wanted, but never thought he could have. Reality turned out to be the best dream he ever had.<\/p> Jared tries to find his voice to answer the most important question of his life.<\/p> “I do.”<\/p> Jared and Jensen share another special look between them, taking it all in, before the priest is asking for the rings.<\/p> Jensen puts the ring on Jared’s finger. They chose platinum bands with a full circle of round sapphires. It’s another part of their ‘something blue’, the one that will stay with them forever.<\/p> Once Jensen is done, he places a kiss on Jared’s band, and Jared does the same with Jensen’s ring.<\/p> The priest waits for them to share their moment before making the final announcement. He addresses both men and everyone else as he speaks.<\/p> “By the authority vested in me by the State of Texas, I now pronounce you husbands. You may now kiss.”<\/p> Jensen places his trembling hands on Jared’s face and gently presses his lips against his husband’s. Everyone stands up and starts clapping and hooting, and both men smile into the kiss. Everything they ever wanted, now they have it, and it’s finally official. Jensen puts an arm around Jared’s shoulders and presses himself against the other man, as they turn to everyone with smiles as huge as the sun that is setting behind them.<\/p> Before walking down the aisle together, Jensen wraps an arm around Jared’s waist, allowing his husband to put all his weight on him, grabbing his crutch and handing it to Chad. Jared and Jensen slowly make their way down the aisle together, with eyes only for each other. When they reach the end, everyone gathers around them and Jensen takes Jared in his arms, hugging him tight, sharing one more special moment only between them. There will be enough time for everyone else at the party, but this is just them, their small piece of happiness.<\/p> The reception happens on the other side of the field. Everything looks beautiful and Jared has to give it to their mothers who did an awesome job decorating. After the ceremony Jared and Jensen go with the photographer to take photos around the camp. Jared is sure this will be an amazing memory in the future, and very symbolic as well.<\/p> Everyone is currently having dinner, the husbands are sitting side by side at the main table. There’s a small stage and a dance floor to their right, and Raising Kane is supposed to start playing soon, minus Jensen of course who is currently unavailable. Rob Benedict, Jensen’s ex roommate from the clinic is doing the honors as lead singer. They had become good friends when they roomed together and continued to go to the Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Jensen had found out Rob used to have a band, so he not only invited him to the wedding, he had asked Rob if he wanted to sing at the reception. He got along just fine with Chris, who he already knew, and Steve. Jared is curious to see what they are gonna do.<\/p> The speeches start, with Josh, Chad and the other groomsmen. Even Jared’s father speaks, which leaves the man very happy. Over the past months, his family has gotten to know Jensen better, and all that hate has been left behind. Jensen has also made huge progress with his own mother.<\/p> When the speeches are over, Jensen stands up from their table, and holds out a hand for Jared. With a frown, Jared reaches for his crutch and gets up as well. Jensen places a hand on the small of Jared’s back and guides him away from the table to the middle of the dance floor. Jensen makes a motion for Jared to stay put as he quickly walks to the stage and grabs a mic, returning to Jared’s side. Jared is staring at him with wide eyes, silently asking what the hell is he doing. Jensen smiles at him and brings the mic to his mouth.<\/p> “Today is a very special day. Many years ago, in this same camp, there was a dance. I remember dancing pretty much with all the girls that night, but there was only one person I really wanted to dance with, and I happen to know now he had wanted to dance with me, too. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to do it that night, but here’s the thing, Jay... I’m saving the last dance for you.”<\/p> Jensen lowers the mic as Jared starts blushing and stuttering. They hadn’t said anything about dancing and Jared just assumed they wouldn’t do it due to Jared’s condition.<\/p> “Jen, I-- you know I can’t, why are…” But Jared’s words get lost when Jensen presses his lips against his husband’s.<\/p> “Trust me.” Jensen whispers against his lips, and as they break apart a few inches, Jared can see Chad approaching them. Jensen hands him the mic, and places his arms around Jared’s waist as Chad grabs his crutch, as usual, and walks away. Jared starts to protest but he’s stopped by Jensen pressing his whole body against his, holding on tight, and Jared has no other choice but to wrap his arms around his husband’s neck. He’s a little unsure and self-conscious, knowing everyone is watching them, as he whispers in Jensen’s ear.<\/p> “Don’t let me fall.”<\/p> Jared can feel Jensen’s smile against his neck as he answers and the band starts playing, Jensen moving both of them slowly from side to side.<\/p> “I’ve got you.”<\/p> The strands in your eyes<\/em> Jared remembers that night so vividly. He remembers being so uncoordinated, dancing with the girl in front of him, but he only had eyes for Jensen. All the girls wanted to dance with him, and that was the first time Jared thought there was something wrong with himself, because he wanted to as well, but he was no girl. He had wanted that so much and here they are now, 14 years later, finally having their dance.<\/p> And tell me that we belong together<\/em> I'll be your crying shoulder<\/em> Jensen presses him closer and they move in sync, Jensen’s arms holding him tight and bearing Jared’s weight. His husband has been nothing but amazing for the last months, always by Jared’s side during his recovery and bringing his mood back up when it started to go down. Jensen carries him and Jared carries Jensen, and that’s how it’s always gonna be.<\/p> Rain falls angry on the tin roof<\/em> And tell me that we belong together<\/em> Jared knows there are people all around them watching now, but it doesn’t matter. The only thing that’s important is the man holding him right now, and the moment they are sharing. Jensen beams at him, his eyes so bright, and Jared can’t stop a tear that falls down his face. Jensen leans over and kisses the tear away, as they continue to dance together to the end of the song.<\/p> And I've dropped out, I've burned up<\/em> Everyone claps, and when another song follows, other guests join them on the dance floor. Soon after Jared’s legs start to falter so Jensen walks him to an empty table, an arm firmly around his husband’s waist. Both of them sit down and watch, hand in hand, their guest having fun dancing to the band.<\/p> Jared leans closer to Jensen, his smile making dimples pop in and out, and quietly sings in his ear the song that is being played now, holding his hand tighter.<\/p> “And I can't believe that I'm your man, And I get to kiss you baby just because I can. Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through, And you know that's what our love can do. <\/em><\/p> And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times, It's you, it's you, you make me sing, You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.”<\/em><\/p> It’s past 2 am and all the guests are already in their cabins, ready to turn in for the night after a great party. Jared and Jensen had quickly visited their own cabin, all prepared for their night together, but they didn’t stay long, there will be time for that later. They only changed into more comfortable clothes, Jared grabbed a flashlight and Jensen, a blanket.<\/p> Both of them silently walk towards the old basketball court, making their way around to the back of it. Jensen spreads the blanket on the ground and helps Jared sit down on it, joining his husband right after. They lie down side by side, lacing their fingers together, watching the stars. It’s a beautiful cloudless night, and there are countless constellations. In 14 years, Jared has never witnessed such a beautiful sky as the one here.<\/p> “Never stopped being amazing.” He whispers, turning his head to look into his husband’s eyes. The green in it reflects the stars, and there’s only one thing that’s more beautiful than the sky. Fourteen years separate the last time that Jared and Jensen were here, but one thing never changed, it only grew stronger. Jared thinks back to that night, and he can’t believe everything that has happened since then. For him, Jack had been a beautiful dream that would never come true. Jared knew he would never forget that blue-haired boy, who taught him everything about love. Jensen was thrown back into his life without warning, and even when Jared didn’t know his identity, he loved him just the same, even with all his flaws. So many things have happened between them, and Jared now truly believes in soulmates, because Jensen is clearly his. There was never anyone else and there never will be, as long as Jared lives and no doubt after.<\/p> Jared leans over and plants a lingering kiss on Jensen’s plush mouth. Jensen smiles into his lips, and when they break apart, both of them stare deeply at each other for a long time, wordlessly, before looking up again. The best things in life are the ones words can’t express.<\/p> Of course it won’t always be this easy, life never is. But as long as Jensen is within arms reach, everything will be alright. Jared has prayed, every night, for God to give Jensen back to him, and as he promised, he has never asked for anything else since then. Every night, instead, Jared says thank you. For one more day that he has Jensen by his side, and never, even if they live a thousand years, will Jared take Jensen for granted. It’s their own miracle and own fairytale. The ending isn’t perfect like in the books because life isn’t perfect. But as long as they are together, it will be happy ever after.<\/p> April 19th, 2008<\/em><\/p> Thank you for the honor of being your husband and for loving me. <\/em> “I have loved you for a thousand years <\/p> The End<\/strong> <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/12539.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/12282.html","pubDate":"Tue, 07 Jun 2016 02:36:12 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 22\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/12282.html","description":" <\/p> Significant things happen over the next weeks. Officer Morgan calls Jared and informs him that Stephen will go to trial over the coming weeks, for kidnapping Jared and putting his life at risk, also because he was wanted for beating up another gay man a week after he took Jared. Jared asks if he’s gonna have to testify, dreading the Officer’s answer because he isn’t sure if he can do it, having to tell everything Stephen did to him again. Morgan tells him he can’t tell him for certain, but it’s likely. Stephen needs all the proof against him, and Jared’s testimony in front of the judge would pretty much settle his sentence. Jared panics a little, but he knows he can be strong if he needs to. If Jensen is with him, he can do anything. He only hopes Stephen is sent to prison for a long time, so he really doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. He really needs to turn this page of his life over, once and for all.<\/p> Jensen’s mother has called him a couple times. Those had been draining conversations, Jared saw how affected his boyfriend was when he hung up the phone. He can’t imagine how hard it is to reestablish contact with a mother who did nothing to prevent her son from being kicked out from his house, which led him to a life on the streets, and turning into an addict. It’s not easy for Jensen and Jared doesn’t blame him in the slightest. How can you forgive a mother who did that to her own son? But at the same time, it’s his mother, and she’s trying to make up for it, gaining her son’s love again. But it’s not something that can happen overnight, it’s a long process. But both sides are trying, and Jared is happy for that. Jensen deserves to have a relationship with his family, and even if they made wrong choices in the past, there’s always room for forgiveness.<\/p> Jensen had surprised Jared by asking if he’d go with him for lunch with his mom and sister. Jensen had said that his mother asked to see him again, and he had agreed on lunch, especially because she had respected him when she first visited, but his condition was they went to a restaurant, a neutral place so Jensen could leave at any minute if he felt too uncomfortable.<\/p> “If this is something you really want to do, and if you really want me there, then of course I’ll go with you Jen.” Jared answered his boyfriend as they were both sitting on the couch.<\/p> “I think it’s time.” Jensen took Jared’s hand. “And I wouldn’t be able to do it if you weren’t there with me.”<\/p> So they went for lunch. Jensen had chosen a restaurant close to their home, where Jared and him had dined at a couple of times. They arrived a few minutes earlier, so Jared could get settled comfortably at the table and Jensen asked a thousand times if he was okay. They hadn’t gone out much since Jared came home from the hospital, especially since Jared was still self conscious about the wheelchair and people staring.<\/p> The waiter had given them a table at the back of the restaurant, away from people passing by, and Jared was situated between the wall and the table, so he was more comfortable. He had told that to Jensen about a thousand times as well. Jensen could be over protective sometimes, with Jared’s current condition, but he didn’t mind. He actually loved it, it made him feel safe and loved.<\/p> Lunch had actually been pretty nice. Donna and Mackenzie arrived and it felt awkward when they went to greet the boys. Jensen wasn’t ready for hugs or kisses with his mother yet, so he only shook her hand. She also greeted Jared with a warm handshake, smiling at him fondly, and saying it was very nice to meet him. Jared had felt sincerity coming from her, like she was really trying to be a part of his son and his boyfriend’s life. So Jared smiled back and told Donna it was nice to meet her as well.<\/p> Mackenzie, on the other hand, hugged them both. Jensen had been communicating with her as well, who also told him she didn’t hate him, and never really knew why he went away until a few years ago, since it was a forbidden subject at home. Mack had told him she truly supported Jensen and whatever path he chose for his life. She was really excited about meeting Jared as well.<\/p> They talked for a while, Donna asking Jared how he was doing and was pleased to know he was making progresses on his recovery. Donna apologized profoundly for Stephen’s actions, telling both of them she had completely cut ties with Stephen’s parents, who didn’t seem too ashamed of his son’s actions, and were trying everything to free him from jail. Donna said that, like the boys, she also hoped he’d go to prison for a long time.<\/p> After that, the conversation drifted to safer topics, they talked about life in general, their jobs, Jensen and Jared told them about the clinic and how they met there. Jensen briefly told them how they had met at the summer camp and reunited after all those years, making Donna tear up and very sincerely thank Jared for helping her son start a new life. Jared felt the woman was starting to develop an honest respect towards him and it was a good feeling. They talked about Jared’s family, Josh’s life in England and some of their plans for the future.<\/p> When they said their goodbyes, Jensen let Donna give him a quick hug. She had hugged Jared as well.<\/p> “Thank you for taking care of my son.” She had whispered in his ear, making Jared’s eyes water a bit. They parted ways with an invitation from Donna for the boys to visit their home. Jensen seemed unsure with the prospect of returning to his old house after so long and what happened there, but he promised to think about it. He also told her they could visit their apartment soon, maybe have dinner there. He just needed a bit more time for that and she understood.<\/p> When both of them arrived home, Jensen had cried a bit, but Jared could tell he felt much lighter and even happier. This could really be a fresh start for this family and Jared was glad to see that not only bad things came from running into Stephen. It led both of them to reconnect with their families, and that was more than Jared could ask for.<\/p> Jared had slowly been progressing on his rehabilitation. He had finally taken his first shaky steps a couple weeks ago on the parallel bars. It was extremely hard and draining, he was only able to take a few small steps before collapsing on top of his therapist - thankfully he was a strong man. But Jared was very happy for the progress, and it was the first thing he had told Jensen when his boyfriend picked him up later. Jensen had kissed him passionately and taken Jared out for dinner.<\/p> From then on, Jared had focused on taking more and more steps, working on his strength and balance. A couple of days ago, he was finally promoted to forearm crutches and that was a huge relief, being able to stand up and (almost) walk around instead of sit down all the time. He was still very slow and he got tired easily - sticking to the wheelchair for long distances - but it was a good change, and Jensen was also out of his mind with happiness, hugging Jared tight for several minutes as he picked him up at the rehab and saw Jared walking towards him.<\/p> Earlier today, Jensen had taken Jared to the hospital for more exams, and the doctor told them that the swelling on Jared’s spine had gone down, but he still had an incomplete injury there, meaning that he would much likely be left with partial paralysis on his legs, probably always needing an aid to help him walk.<\/p> Jensen had been devastated to hear it, but Jared himself was fine. He had already made a lot of progresses, he was out of the wheelchair and he could get around just fine on his crutches. His therapist had told Jared that he should be able to move around with only one crutch sometime in the future, and Jared was focused on that, the only thing he wanted was one free arm, that would be so much help. He could live with depending on a crutch to walk, a lot of people have much worse. Plus, he’d be able to work, he had great friends and family, and the boyfriend of his dreams. He couldn’t see how he could complain about his life, it didn’t need to be perfect, he only wanted to be happy and he really was the way he was.<\/p> When they left the doctor’s office, Jensen had broken down, telling Jared he was sorry and again that it was his fault, and Jared actually had to comfort him, hugging Jensen tight and telling him he was fine. Jensen was quiet on the drive home, slowly walking beside Jared as they made their way into the apartment, and Jensen had excused himself, saying he was tired and was going to take a nap.<\/p> Jared had given Jensen time, but he is starting to worry now. He wants to show his boyfriend that he himself is fine with his disability, and he only hopes Jensen is as okay with it as he claimed to be in the past, knowing for sure now that it’s permanent. So he makes his way into their room, and finds Jensen lying down on his back, staring at the ceiling with red eyes. Jared plops down on the side of the bed, and Jensen sits up, not meeting Jared’s eyes.<\/p> “Sorry Jay, I just needed some time, I just feel so bad for you. I wish I could go back in time, so I could have protected you more and this wouldn’t have happened, now you have to live like this and…”<\/p> Jared can’t take this anymore, as he puts a hand on Jensen’s knee, giving a light squeeze.<\/p> “Jen, please listen to me. Really listen to me.” He waits until Jensen meets his eyes. “Look, I’m healthy, I can stand up and get around just fine, I have awesome people around me and above it all, I have you. After everything, I’m alive and I’m here with you, Jensen. I could never ask for more. And I won’t. I promise you I’m perfectly fine the way I am, I’m accepting it and I can live just fine like this, I’m starting to make my peace with my new body. I only need to know if you<\/em> are fine with this. Now that you know for sure that this is how I’m gonna be like, I want to know if you can handle it, deal with my disability as a part of our lives, because this is how it’s gonna be from now on.”<\/p> Now Jared is the one with tears in his eyes, because he has no idea what he’d do if Jensen said he is not okay with it. But Jensen quickly moves on the bed so he’s sitting down next to Jared, and he takes his face between his hands.<\/p> “I’ve said it already babe, I don’t care. I meant it before and now. I don’t care what shape you’re in, all I want is you by my side. I’m sad for you, for having to see you going through this and knowing it’s here to stay. But I’m so proud of you, seeing that you’re positive about this, and I promise I’ll get there, for you. All that matters is that we’re together.”<\/p> Jared leans forward and kisses Jensen passionately. They don’t get out of the bedroom for a long time that evening.<\/p> A week later is Jared’s graduation. He had been wary about going, but Jensen wasn’t having any of it. Jared had struggled to finish the semester, studying at home and Jensen had taken him to the campus to take the final tests. Jared deserved to go to his graduation more than anyone.<\/p> In the afternoon, Jared drives Jared to campus for the ceremony. Jensen gives Jared a goodbye kiss and watches him slowly making his way inside. He still has to get used to seeing Jared like this, he’s not there yet, it still hurts but he believes it will get better. If Jared himself can live with it, so can Jensen. He hasn’t lied to Jared, the only thing Jensen needs is him, it doesn’t matter how.<\/p> Jensen makes his way towards the sitting area, and soon after everyone else arrives. All of their friends have come, Chad with Sophia, Danni, Milo, Chris and Steve. Jared’s family is also here except for Jeff, who sent a thousand apologies but couldn’t take time off work to fly over to Texas, but made Jensen promise to take a lot of pictures for him.<\/p> When Jared’s name is called, he makes his way across the stage, Jensen can see he’s a bit embarrassed for walking on crutches in front of all those people, but their group screams the loudest, Jensen jumping up and down, and even Jared’s classmates cheer for Jared, all knowing what he went through to be here today. Jensen doesn’t even try to hide his tears, he’s so fucking proud of Jared it could burst out of his chest.<\/p> They all go to dinner after the ceremony, and Jared is happy and laughing and talking to everyone. Jensen is relieved to see Jared like this, hoping he can always see his boyfriend smiling, which is the best sight in the world. After they make a toast for Jared and he thanks everyone for being there with him, Chris clears his throat.<\/p> “Jared, I waited until you were doing better, because I knew you were focusing on your recovery, and also until you were graduated to officially offer you a position as counselor at the clinic. If you’re interested, that is.”<\/p> Jensen’s jaw drops, Chris hadn’t said anything to Jensen about this, the bastard. Jared had to cut his internship short because of what happened to him, and they hadn’t talked about it until now. He didn’t think Jared would go back since he was already graduated therefore couldn’t do an internship, but he never imagined that Chris would offer him a real job there. From the look on Jared’s face, this was the last thing he was expecting either.<\/p> “Oh my God, are… are you serious? You want me back there?” Jared’s voice is almost a whisper as he stares at Chris like he has grown two heads.<\/p> “Of course. You were the best intern we’ve had in a long time. It was awful to lose you like we did, specially for what happened to you. Now you have a degree, and I want you there for real. I know you’re still doing rehab and I’m willing to wait until you’re done, but there’s a spot waiting for you.”<\/p> Jared apparently can’t close his mouth anymore. “Oh my God Chris, I can’t believe it! Do you really think I can do it though, I’m kinda stuck like this.”<\/p> Chris huffs. “Son, I’m not hiring you to run marathons. It doesn’t matter the shape you’re in, only if your brain is good to go. I’d hire you even if you were still in the chair, that is something I do not care about at all. So what do you say?”<\/p> Jared is shocked silent for a few moments, but recovers from it quickly. “Of course I want it! I love the clinic, it holds a lot of good memories and I want to keep helping people, feel useful. It’s gonna be an honor.”<\/p> They make another toast to Counselor Jared after that, and Jensen leans over to plant a chaste kiss on Jared’s lips.<\/p> “You have no idea how proud I am of you, my boy.” He whispers into Jared’s ear. Jared was right, life is great right now and all they have are reasons to celebrate.<\/p> At the end of July, Jensen decides to throw a birthday party for Jared. His boyfriend has been through a lot during the last few months, so he wanted to do something really nice for him. Plus, he’s planning a big surprise for Jared at the party. Jensen knows Jared is doing much better emotionally, but he still has his moments. Learning that your condition is permanent can’t be easy for anyone, and Jared is still adjusting. He has been making more positive progress and the therapist is sure that Jared will be able to get around with just one crutch in a few months time. Jensen knows it’s a big deal for Jared, since he will have one free hand. He can’t stand up on his own though, he needs something to support him, and mostly likely this is how it’s gonna be from now on.<\/p> Jared has stopped going to rehab everyday, now he only goes twice a week for a couple of hours. Last week he started working at the clinic again, which lifted his spirits a bit. Jared had told Jensen it makes him feel useful and he gets to do something he loves, which is awesome. But Jensen can see Jared is still a little unsure sometimes, as if he still expects Jensen to back off and leave Jared just because of his new disability, even after all the talks they have had. He hides it the best he can, acting like his old self most of the time, but Jensen knows his boyfriend. And he has a great plan to fix that. Jensen can’t wait.<\/p> Jensen puts a lot of effort into the party. He decides to throw it at Chad and Sophia’s place since they have a nice backyard with enough room for everyone. Chad is the only one who knows Jensen’s real intentions with the party, Jensen thought it was only fair because Chad is lending the space and helping with everything but he made his friend swear not to say a single word. Jensen has contacted Jared’s family to invite them, and he made sure Jeff was able to make it as well. He had to wait a little more than a week after Jared’s real birthday to throw the party because Jensen’s brother Josh is coming to visit with his family, and Jensen also needs his brother, and the rest of his family, to be there for the special occasion. He can’t wait to see his brother again. Needless to say, all their friends are coming, including some of Jared’s buddies from college and coworkers from the clinic. Jensen knows it will be a day to remember.<\/p> They spend a great afternoon with everybody they love all in one place. Jensen is beyond happy with the fact his brother is there, he had arrived a day before and Jared and Jensen had invited Josh and his family for dinner at their place. Jensen had cooked them a nice meal and it had been an amazing night, Jensen and Josh had a lot to catch up on, Jensen fell in love with their son William, and the little boy had loved Jared as well. He had been curious to know what were those objects Jared was walking around with, and Jared had explained to him with all the patience in the world. It warmed his heart to see his boyfriend and his nephew getting along so well. Josh’s wife Melanie was also a sweetheart, she was really happy with finally meeting her brother-in-law, and the group talked for hours, getting to hear about each other’s lives and forming new and lasting connections. Jensen heart felt like it was two sizes bigger.<\/p> Now everyone is reunited in Chad’s backyard, Chris and Steve are taking care of the grill, Sherri and Donna had arrived earlier to take care of the rest of the food, and there is lots to drink. Jared is laughing and animatedly talking to everyone, he needs to sit down most of the time because standing up is still too tiring for him, but he doesn’t seem to mind.<\/p> After everybody gathers around the table to sing Happy Birthday to Jared and get their piece of cake, Chad cuts off the music, Jensen picks up his guitar, which he had brought with him, and stands up on the bench of the picnic table, calling for everyone’s attention. When all eyes are on him, he smiles.<\/p> “Sorry to interrupt the party, but it’s for a good reason. I’d like to ask you all to sit down for a while so I can do a little something.”<\/p> Everyone does as Jensen asks, Jared sits down on one of the chairs closer to Jensen, resting his crutches on the ground next to him. He looks at his boyfriend with a confused but expectant look on his face, specially eyeing the guitar in Jensen’s hand. Jensen gives Jared a small smile and a wink, his green eyes glimmering.<\/p> “Thanks guys. I wanted to have everyone here today not only for Jay’s birthday, but also because I wanted to share a special moment with you. I want you all to witness my love for someone, so right now, I’m going to sing a song to him. We have sang for each other a few times, but this one is extra special to me. I didn’t write this, but I think the lyrics convey a lot of things I want him to know. I made a few tiny changes to the song so it could fit our story even better, I hope the writer doesn’t mind, it’s for a good cause.”<\/p> Jensen grabs his guitar and sits on the table with his feet on the bench, he looks down at Jared and sees that his gaze is locked on him, surprised and pleased, expecting whatever his boyfriend has set up for him. Jensen lowers his head and smiles nervously, trying to compose himself so he can put in words all he wants to tell this man, who means so much to him. His fingers start softly playing the chords and his voice soon follows.<\/p> When I had to live my life without you near me<\/em> Jensen looks into Jared’s shining eyes the entire time, his gaze not once wandering away. He tries to show Jared that he seriously means every word he’s singing.<\/p> Nothing's gonna change my love for you<\/em> Jensen emphasizes the world Nothing <\/em>while looking at Jared, to show his boyfriend how much he means it, to try and make him understand, once and for all, that there’s not a single thing in this universe that would make him love Jared less, that his love for Jared only grows each passing day. There are tears running down Jared’s face while he listens to Jensen sing, and Jensen himself can feel his own tears dampening his cheeks. At this moment the rest of the audience fades away, there’s nobody else but them, the only thing that exists is the deep connection between Jared and him.<\/p> If the road ahead is not so easy<\/em> As Jensen finishes the song, he places the guitar on the table and hurries towards Jared, who’s already struggling to get up. He gently presses a hand on Jared’s shoulder to make him sit down again, and kneels in front of him. There are rivers of tears running down his boyfriend’s face, which is filled with deep emotion, and Jensen is sure he’s mirroring that same expression right now. He swallows a few times, taking deep breaths trying to calm down enough to tell Jared what he has to say. He runs his thumbs over Jared’s cheeks, wiping away the tears, while he gives him his most sincere smile.<\/p> “Jared.” He starts, his voice already hoarse. “There’s not much to say. Actually, there’s so much to say that I could spend half of my life here, just telling you what you mean to me. But even if I did, I still wouldn’t be able to put it into words. There isn’t a word that describes what I feel for you and how blessed and thankful I am for finding you so many years ago, and then discovering you again. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe in destiny. I believe some higher power put you on my path not once, but twice, because we were meant to find each other. And I’ll also be forever thankful that you weren’t taken from me right when I had found you again. I told you this already and I’ll tell you again. I don’t know if I’d have been able to keep living if you had been taken from me for good.”<\/p> Jensen’s voice falters and he lowers his head, resting it on Jared’s knees. More tears fall when he remembers how close he came to really<\/em> lose Jared. Jared apparently feels his boyfriend’s distress, and he gently runs a hand through his hair, placing both on the sides of Jensen’s face tilting his head up, making him look at Jared again. Jensen fights to compose himself so he can finish.<\/p> “You’re it for me, Jared. It’s either you in my life, or no life at all. I missed you so much all those years we were apart, and I never want to go through that again. I want you, every moment of everyday, I want you forever in my life until we’re both old and wrinkly. And after we’re dead, I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. So now, I want to ask you something.”<\/p> Jensen reaches into his pocket and comes out with a small velvet box. He hears Jared gasp, and when he looks at his boyfriend again, he can see his eyes widening, going from the box to Jensen’s face. Jensen opens the box to reveal a simple silver band, and Jared covers his mouth with both hands, Jensen can feel Jared holding his breath from where he’s kneeling.<\/p> “Jared, I love you more than words can say, I have loved you ever since I was 15 years old and you were just a boy, a beautiful boy with bright eyes that I always dreamed about. Now, after all these years and what we’ve been through, would you give me the highest of honors and marry me?”<\/p> More tears fall down Jared’s eyes, moistening his hands, and Jensen can feel him shaking. Slowly, Jared lowers his hands and places them again on Jensen’s face. Jared’s glistening hazel eyes lock on his as he finally speaks with a husky voice.<\/p> “I’ll answer this question for me, and also for that 11 year old boy who fell in love with Jack the first time he laid eyes on him, and he had no idea what it meant at the time. All my life Jensen, ever since that moment, has revolved around you. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think of you, I didn’t dream of you. You made me see who I really was, and I was so scared. There were times I even hated you, but then I loved you a thousand times more. I can’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t love you. It’s like those first 11 years of my life were meaningless, and then you came along and put everything into focus. I missed you so much, that it made my heart physically ache.<\/p> “I used to pray for God to bring you into my life again, even for one day, so I could tell you how much you meant to me. But as you said, there aren’t words to express how I feel about you. I just can’t do it. I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am to get you back in my life. Whenever I say my prayers, I thank God for giving me you, my very own miracle. Because that’s what you are Jensen, you are my miracle. And not even for a second, for the rest of my life, will I take you for granted. I will be forever thankful for this blessing. So this answer is from me to you and from J.T. to Jack. Nothing in this world would make me happier than marrying you. My answer is yes, forever and always, yes.”<\/p> Jensen smiles so brightly he feels like his face might split in two. He takes the band out of the box and puts it on Jared’s finger, as Jared does the same with the one Jensen gives him. Then he places his arms around Jared’s waist and stands up, bringing Jared with him, supporting his weight as Jared places his own arms around his neck. Their lips finally clash together, both trying to say without words this time what they are feeling. Their kiss tastes salty from the many tears that are falling, and as they hug tight, they whisper I love you<\/em> over and over into each other’s ears.<\/p> After what seems like hours, the world comes back into focus, they can hear cheering, people coming closer, and they finally remember they are not alone, as the spell is broken. They break apart but only a little, since Jensen is still supporting Jared. Their family and friends are all around them, wanting to congratulate the fiancés, and Chad is quick to hand Jared his crutches so he can stand up on his own. Jared and Jensen hug everybody, there isn’t a dry eye in the place, their speeches having made everyone emotional. Jensen knows that this is one of the happiest days of his life. Now he wonders if their wedding day could possibly top that.<\/p> But Jensen realizes that he doesn’t care, actually. Every day he has Jared by his side, will be the happiest day of his life.<\/p> July 28th, 2007<\/em><\/p> I’m going to marry the boy with blue hair.<\/em><\/p> Epilogue<\/a><\/p><\/a> <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/12282.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/11553.html","pubDate":"Sun, 05 Jun 2016 03:14:23 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 21\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/11553.html","description":" <\/p> It’s not easy, but it does get better. After the talk with Jensen, Jared feels as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. He had been feeling so unsure, believing Jensen could leave him any moment, after all, he was a broken man. He had slowly distanced himself from Jensen, because Jared had this crazy idea that it would hurt less when Jensen eventually left him. Deep down he knew it was useless, if Jensen did leave him Jared wouldn’t be able to go on and that was it. He had no idea what would have become of him, but it wouldn’t be good, that’s for sure. Jared had learned to be strong and accept the shit that was thrown at him, but the only thing he couldn’t handle was to lose Jensen again.<\/p> But after their talk, and their strong connection was restored, he feels much lighter. The reassurance that Jensen is here to stay, that he loves Jared no matter what, and doesn’t plan on leaving him ever, is the only thing Jared needs to be content. He had been honest with Jensen, Jared wasn’t too worried if he was going to be able walk on his own or not, as long as he had Jensen with him. He had made a promise, he wasn’t gonna ask for anything if he got Jensen back and he means it. He can handle anything that is thrown his way, because Jensen is his strength and Jared knows he will be okay no matter what.<\/p> Jared still has ups and downs, still doubts himself, but Jensen is always there, helping him as Jared helped Jensen not too long ago. Jared feels that Jensen not only wants to, but that he needs to help, not only for Jared but for himself too. That he feels he has to be the strong one now, and for that Jared is grateful because if he’s honest, he truly needs it. Jared’s emotions have been a wreck ever since this all started, and Jensen has been his rock, his anchor. Ever since he woke up in the hospital, feeling scared and lost, Jensen has been there by his side and his mere presence was more medicine than everything else was. Jared has been seeing a shrink ever since, and it does help, but the love and support his boyfriend gives him is the most important thing. Jared even lets Jensen do more for him than he actually needs, he can give his boyfriend that for now because he feels Jensen needs it. And he’s gonna do the impossible to be completely worthy of Jensen’s love. Jared hopes he can get there someday.<\/p> Jared finally agrees to go to one of the band’s gigs. He still isn’t comfortable in crowded places. He feels self conscious with being seen in a wheelchair, especially since he used to be so much taller than everyone else and now feels so small, but he knows he needs to start getting over it. People will always stare and he can’t stay locked inside forever. Jared knows that every night that Jensen leaves to play with the guys, he wishes nothing more than for Jared to come with him. So far he has declined, the prospect of staying home chilling by himself or with Chad, is far more appealing than making the effort to go out.<\/p> But it’s Friday night, his parents and sister had come to spend the weekend in Dallas with him, it’s the first time he has seen them since he came home, and seeing as Jensen has a gig Jared thought he should ask his family if they wanted to come. He knows they are trying, his father is surprisingly accepting them, going as far as giving them one of his cars so they could get around easily, and his mother is trying to come around. Jared knows it’s not easy for her, but he appreciates the effort. Sometimes when they talk on the phone, she asks how Jensen is doing, and for that he’s grateful. He hopes that one day she can fully accept his relationship with Jensen as a natural thing. He’s starting to believe she can get there. It’s amazing what change can happen when you’re faced with the prospect of losing a person you love.<\/p> They had agreed to meet at the bar, since Jared’s family had arrived at their hotel kind of late. So Jared rides with Jensen, he’s nervous as hell but Jensen holds his hand all the way to Fitzsimons. Another reason for Jared to be nervous is the bar itself, it’s where they met Stephen and it all went to shit, but Jared knows he must suck it up and face his fears. Fitz is his territory, where he gets to hang out with his friends and watch his love play. Plus, Stephen is locked up and it’s all gonna be fine.<\/p> When they arrive, Jensen helps Jared out of the car and into the chair, but Jared doesn’t let his boyfriend push him. Instead, they go side by side, Jensen with a hand gently resting on Jared’s shoulder. When they enter the bar, their usual table at the front of the stage is already taken by their friends, who all get up to greet both of them. They all lean down to hug Jared, everyone stating how happy they are for him to finally join them. Jared blushes but gives his friends a small smile. He knows how much they worry and care about him, and he’s very grateful. They all make room for Jared to accommodate himself at the table, and as Jensen kisses him and announces he’s going backstage to prepare for the gig, Jared settles down and asks Chad to go get him a Coke, he can’t drink yet because he’s still on his meds.<\/p> Jared’s family arrive about 10 minutes later, Megan gives him a big hug, followed by his father, who is kinda awkward because he has to lean over to hug Jared and his mother, who has tears in her eyes when she takes him in.<\/p> “I’m so glad to see you again baby, thank you for inviting us tonight, we know it means a lot to you.” Sherri kisses the top of Jared’s hair and he smiles. It’s good to have his momma back, bit by bit. The lights go off and the band takes the stage. Everyone claps including Jared, who has just realized how much he has missed seeing Jensen being sexy hot on stage.<\/p> Jensen takes the mic and looks down at him, giving a small wink. Jared smiles hugely, his dimples popping, and he realises that it’s has been awhile since that has happened too. It feels good.<\/p> “Good night everyone!” Jensen looks down at the crowd as he greets them. “I want to thank you all for coming tonight, we are the Raising Kane and we’re gonna rock your world!” Everyone cheers, but Jensen goes on. “This is a special night for me, and I would like to dedicate this whole gig to the most important person in the whole world to me, who has given me the honor of coming here tonight and making me a very happy man. So let’s make this a night to remember!”<\/p> The band starts playing, and Jared is so grateful, not only for Jensen’s words, but for the fact that he didn’t address him directly or point to him, he knows how Jared does not want any attention on him at the moment. It’s not possible, but Jared loves Jensen a little bit more for that.<\/p> The gig is awesome, Jensen is very inspired tonight and the band definitely does make it a night to remember. Jared really enjoys himself, he sings every song he knows and even tries to mumble the words on the ones he doesn’t. He hasn’t felt so carefree in such a long time, and it feels awesome. He’s so glad he came tonight. The only downside is that he can’t get up to give the band a standing ovation with everyone else, but he pushes the thought aside. Hopefully he’ll be able to do it soon, and if he doesn’t, he’s not gonna lose sleep over it when he has so many great things going on.<\/p> When the guys come from backstage to their table, Jensen kneels beside Jared and gives his boyfriend a bone crushing hug.<\/p> “I’m so glad you came tonight, it means a lot to me.” Jensen whispers in Jared’s ear, and he smiles.<\/p> “Well, I need to show the groupies who the hot stuff on stage belongs to.”<\/p> Jensen presses a chaste kiss on Jared’s lips, both very aware of their audience, and takes the seat next to Jared. The night goes by smoothly, they all get food and drinks, Jared’s family says goodnight right after dinner is finished, claiming it’s late and they will meet again for lunch tomorrow. Everyone else stays for a while, chatting, laughing and drinking (except for Jared and Jensen), and it’s good. Jared feels relaxed and happy, and it’s a relief to realize he’s slowly getting back to normal. It’s gonna take time, but he will get there.<\/p> On Sunday night, Jared and Jensen are being lazy just sitting on the couch watching whatever is on TV. Jared’s family has left a couple hours ago for Austin, and it feels good to be alone with Jared again. Not that Jensen didn’t enjoy the company, Jared’s parents are really working on accepting Jared’s lifestyle and his relationship with Jensen, and he knows how important it is for Jared to have his family’s support, especially after everything that has happened. It was a good weekend all in all, but Jensen is selfish and wants his boyfriend all to himself.<\/p> At the moment Jared is lying on the couch with his feet on Jensen’s lap. Jensen is giving them a massage as Jared wriggles his toes as much as he can. Ever since he started to get some of his movement back, he’s constantly doing it.<\/p> When Jensen’s phone rings it startles both of them. Jensen picks it up from the coffee table, it is an unknown number that seems to be international. He gets up from the couch, gently placing Jared’s legs on it, because apparently he can’t speak on the phone while sitting down, and answers it.<\/p> “Hello?”<\/p> “Jensen?” He frowns when he hears the voice. He doesn’t know who this is, it sounds vaguely familiar, even though he can’t place it.<\/p> “Yes, this is him. Who is this?”<\/p> “Oh God.” The person on the other side says in a choked voice, as if holding back tears. Now Jensen is seriously curious to know who the hell it is, but he doesn’t even need to ask. “This is Josh.”<\/p> His brother. Jesus Christ. Now it’s Jensen who has to hold down a sob, he hasn’t talked to his brother in so long. They had always been close, Jensen had always looked up to Josh, and when everything fell apart and Jensen left home abruptly, he didn’t know which side his brother was on. He was off to college and they didn’t talk anymore, Jensen kept his distance even when he was living with his aunt, because he didn’t want Josh to see the disgrace he had become. His brother was the typical poster kid, everything their parents dreamed about, and Jensen was the pariah. He never knew how his brother felt.<\/p> “Jensen? You there?” Josh says, and Jensen snaps out of it and back to the present. “Yeah, I’m here.” His voice is strained, he’s trying really hard not to break down right now. He thinks of something to say but Josh starts talking first.<\/p> “God, Jensen I can’t believe I’m finally talking to you. When mom told me she had found you, I couldn’t believe it. It took me weeks to gather up the courage to call because I’m such a wuss, but oh my God it’s you. Jensen you have no idea how I’ve missed you and how long I’ve tried to find you.”<\/p> “You did?” Jensen is shocked to hear that, he thought his brother would be a younger copy of his father, but he’s saying that he actually cares about him.<\/p> “Of course! It took me a long time to find out why you really left home, and when I learnt that our father had kicked you out and the reason behind it, I was beyond furious. I tried to reason with him, but he was set on his beliefs. So we drifted apart until there was no contact between us. I couldn’t stay close to a father who kicks out his own son because of who he is. Throughout the years I tried everything I could to find you, but it was like you had disappeared into thin air. I finally gave up a few years ago, trying to accept the idea that you must be dead. And now you have reappeared and I can’t tell you how much that means to me, Jen.”<\/p> Jensen can’t fight back his tears anymore as he sinks down on the coffee table. He hadn’t noticed that Jared had sat up and is now leaning close to him, a hand on his knee showing support. Jared has a frown on his face since he has no clue as to who Jensen is talking to, so he manages to mouth ‘it’s my brother’, and Jared squeezes his knee, not saying a word.<\/p> “I… I don’t know what to say.” His voice wavers, strong emotions welling up inside him. “So much has happened in all these years, I thought you all hated me. Sorry I disappeared. I miss you too, Josh.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and grabs Jared’s hand, holding it tight.<\/p> “We have a lot to talk about, little bro. Years to catch up on. For now, I’m just glad we have found each other again. So tell me, how are you now?”<\/p> Jensen manages to laugh between his tears, such a casual question but holding so much meaning. “I’m good. I’ve been through a lot, but I’m trying to build my life now. I have Jared, who’s my boyfriend, and he has helped me through it all. We’re fighting the fight together and that’s what matters. What about you? Are you calling from an international number?”<\/p> “I’m glad to hear you are doing good and have a special someone. I sure want to meet Jared, you bet! And yes Jen, I live in England now, in Manchester, to be more specific. As I said, things weren’t good with dad and mom wasn’t much help either, so I got a scholarship to study abroad and here I stayed. I have a wife and a kid now, his name is William and he’s three years old. You’ll love him Jen! I’m planning on visiting soon, especially now that I know you’re in Dallas, and then we can finally meet again.”<\/p> The brothers talk a little more, about their lives and Josh’s family. They agree to videochat soon, and Josh writes down Jensen’s email so he can send his brother pictures of his son and wife, making Jensen promise to send a picture of him and Jared as well.<\/p> When he hangs up, Jensen feels emotionally drained, and he falls into Jared’s arms, who holds him tight as he cries. He tries to weakly protest that he should be the one comforting Jared, but his boyfriend tells him to shut up. It felt so good to talk to his brother after so long, and only now has Jensen realized how much he truly missed Josh. He feels so relieved to be able to get back in touch with him, a person from his family who never did any harm to him. He wishes Josh was in Dallas so he could go see him now, give his brother a hug. But they can talk face to face soon and he’s coming to visit. He knows things won’t be as easy with his mother, because he has been hurt too much, but he’s really happy to have his big brother back.<\/p> A couple of weeks later, Jensen picks Jared up from rehab and they go straight home. Jared can see his boyfriend is tired, must have been a long day. Jensen has been working a lot for the past few weeks, and Jared feels bad because he can’t work right now, even though Jensen has made clear he doesn’t mind at all and he feels good to be the provider for a change. Jared understands but it still sucks. He hopes that when his rehabilitation ends, he is able to find something he can do. Right now he’s trying to catch up on his studies, his professors and classmates have been sending him what he has missed and he’s been using his free time to study. He’s lucky the university was very understanding of his situation and allowed him to study at home and take his tests at the end of the semester, so he can graduate along with his class. At least Jared doesn’t feel totally useless.<\/p> But tonight, he has a surprise for Jensen and he hopes it will brighten up the mood of his boyfriend at least a bit. After Jared showers, he sits on the couch and waits for Jensen to finish his own. When he comes to the living room, Jared calls him.<\/p> “Hey Jen… would you come here? I wanna show you something.”<\/p> Jensen approaches him with a frown on his face, trying to find something different in Jared and obviously finding nothing.<\/p> “What is it babe?”<\/p> Jared makes Jensen stand in front of himself, and he grabs his forearms with his two hands, keeping a strong hold.<\/p> “Hold me tight, okay?” Jared asks, and using his boyfriend’s strength, Jared slowly pushes himself up. It’s freaking hard, he just managed to do it for the first time today at the rehab center and it had drained him then. But he wanted to show his boyfriend, and it’s worth it just for the look on Jensen’s face right now. Jared is not really standing on his own, he’s using Jensen’s arms as a support like he used the parallel bars earlier, but it’s something. He’s sweating and panting from the exertion, but when he looks at Jensen, Jared smiles. His boyfriend is staring at him in awe, his mouth agape, like this is the most awesome thing he has ever seen.<\/p> “What do you think, Jen?” Hearing Jared’s voice seems to get Jensen out of his trance. He blinks a few times and looks Jared up and down, a huge smile spreading over his face.<\/p> “Oh my God Jay, I can’t believe it! You’re up, this is so fucking awesome! When did this happen, why didn’t you tell me before?” Jensen’s eyes are shining and Jared knows he’s not really mad.<\/p> “It was just today, and I wanted to surprise you. But right now I really need to sit down because it’s tiring as fuck”<\/p> Jensen gently helps Jared sit back on the couch and kneels down in front of him, running a hand through Jared’s hair.<\/p> “Jay, this is fantastic, I’m so proud of you. You’ve made so much progress, I’m sure you’ll take your first steps soon enough!”<\/p> Jared smiles fondly at Jensen. “I hope so. It feels damn good to be up for a change, even if it’s for a small period of time, and I can’t do it on my own yet. But it’s nice.”<\/p> Jensen leans over and presses a lingering kiss on Jared’s mouth. “Damn right it’s nice!”<\/p> Jared smiles into the kiss. “I was kinda hoping you weren’t too hungry though… Because I was wondering if you were up to a small celebration tonight.”<\/p> Jensen backs down and stares at his boyfriend, and Jared feels suddenly shy as he looks down, his cheeks burning.<\/p> “Is this what I think it is?”<\/p> Jared shrugs, still not meeting Jensen’s eyes. “If you’re up to it.”<\/p> Jensen doesn’t answer, he just picks Jared up and slowly carries him to their bedroom. Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck and plants small kisses on his neck. Jensen walks faster.<\/p> He gently puts Jared at the center of the bed, kneeling between his legs and looking serious, staring deep into Jared’s eyes.<\/p> “You’re sure you wanna do this, babe? You’ve been through a lot, we can wait as long as you want, you know that.”<\/p> Jared grabs Jensen’s shirt and brings him down, kissing him with passion, allowing himself to get lost in it for the first time in a while. He has been so guarded, waiting to heal first so he could completely let go with Jensen, but he realized he doesn’t need to wait. Being with Jensen is the best healing process in the world.<\/p> “I’m sure.” He mumbles into Jensen’s mouth. “Oh my God Jen, I need you so much it hurts. Be with me tonight, please.”<\/p> So Jensen does. He undresses both of them very slowly, worshiping every part of Jared’s body. There are two burn marks on Jared’s torso, one on his right sternum and another below his left nipple. They are from the defibrillator, when the doctors were desperately trying to resuscitate him. Jared feels kind of self conscious about those marks, they are sort of ugly, but Jensen takes his time planting kisses on both.<\/p> “They are what brought you back to life, Jay.” Jensen whispers as if reading his thoughts, and his voice is almost reverent. As he trails down, Jared wonders again how it was for Jensen to almost lose him. Actually, Jared doesn’t have to imagine, he was there himself when Jensen’s heart wasn’t beating, he was the one who desperately tried to bring him back to life. So both of them know very clearly what is like to almost lose the other. Jared doesn’t want to be on either end, ever again.<\/p> When Jensen’s mouth wraps around the pulsing head of Jared’s cock, he sees stars. God it has been so long, and he is just now realizing just how much he missed it. Jensen takes his time licking up his shaft and around the head, swallowing him down until Jared’s dick hits the back of his throat. Jared doesn’t last long though, when Jensen gently massages his balls and presses a finger in Jared’s hole, he lets go, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. Jensen swallows it all. He moves up, kissing Jared passionately as he coats his fingers with the lube he had picked up and works his fingers inside Jared. He stares at his boyfriend again, as if looking for any signs of discomfort, but there are none.<\/p> When Jensen puts a condom and coats his dick with lube, pressing it to Jared’s entrance, he seems unsure.<\/p> “Jen, please do it.” Jared’s own dick is coming back to life one more time, and God he needs Jensen. This is definitely the best part of gaining full sensation below his waist again. He can see how much Jensen needs him as well, and he should congratulate his boyfriend on his will power.<\/p> “Jay… are you really sure? What happened…”<\/p> Jared doesn’t answer, but grabs Jensen’s hips and brings him closer, making his dick slip inside him. Jared understands Jensen’s resistance, after what he witnessed Jared do, he has every right to. But the truth is, Jared needs this to heal. What he was forced to do was horrible, having sex with someone he didn’t want in the slightest, specially with a gun pointed at his head. But he needs to know he can feel pleasure again, that it can be good and make him happy, and he can only have that with Jensen. Jensen was his first and will be his last, and Jared doesn’t want to think about what happened in the middle. He’s more than ready to erase this part from his life and finally heal completely.<\/p> As Jensen thrusts into him, slowly and deeply, Jared thinks his heart could burst at any moment. He brings his boyfriend down and kisses him like his life depends on it, as if this will be their last kiss, and from now on, that’s how Jared will treat every kiss they share. He never knows what may happen tomorrow, so he wants to enjoy every second with Jensen.<\/p> Jensen grabs Jared’s cock and strokes it together with his thrusts, and Jared comes again right after Jensen does. Jensen collapses half on top of Jared, kissing his neck and the spot behind his ear.<\/p> “Thank you.” Jared whispers, not able to prevent a tear from falling. Jensen gently wipes it with his thumb, placing a kiss on the spot.<\/p> “No need to thank me. I’m the luckiest man in the word to have you.” They stay like this for a while, cooling down and enjoying the silence. “Do you wanna stay here or do you still want dinner?”<\/p> Jared wants to stay, but his stomach chooses this moment to protest, and they laugh. Jensen gets up and brings back a washcloth to clean them both, along with Jared’s chair. He leaves Jared to get himself settled (as he is trying to be more independent) and goes into the kitchen to prepare their food. Jared smiles as he sits up on the bed. Things are getting better, they are gonna be fine, they are together and strong, and Stephen has lost. It’s a great feeling.<\/p> June 3rd, 2007<\/em><\/p> Our love will always win, now I’m sure about it. <\/em> <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/11553.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/11289.html","pubDate":"Sun, 05 Jun 2016 02:39:06 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 20\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/11289.html","description":" <\/p> Jensen’s voice is barely a whisper and his eyes are as wide as saucers as he takes a look at his mother and sister, who look frozen in their spots. Donna suddenly bursts into tears when she takes a look at Jensen.<\/p> “Jensen baby, oh my God…” She takes a step forward and reaches out her arms, but Jensen steps back, holding up both hands.<\/p> “No! Stay away! I want nothing <\/em>to do with you!”<\/p> “Jensen please…” His mother whines, but Jensen doesn’t budge.<\/p> “I need you to leave right now, please.” Jensen is still as stone, trying to remain composed.<\/p> Donna opens her mouth but Mackenzie beats her to it.<\/p> “Jensen, please.” She starts with tears in her eyes, and god Jensen doesn’t even recognize the voice of his now adult sister. “I understand you have all the reasons in the world to not want to see us, but I promise we just want to talk to you. I just ask for one chance, please. It’s a lot to ask I know, but I’m begging you. We just want to talk to you, and then you can kick us out… if you still want to.”<\/p> Jensen considers both women in front of him, both strangers to him now. He has already been hurt so much, so he decides to do as his sister asks. There’s not much they can say to him that would be worse than what he has been through already. Plus, if Jared can listen to his family, so can Jensen. He doesn’t answer, just walks back inside leaving the door open behind him. His mother and sister take the opportunity and walk inside, closing the door.<\/p> “I’m listening.” Jensen’s voice is devoid of any emotion as he turns and faces his mother and sister, who are shyly looking around.<\/p> “How have you been, Jensen? I missed you so much baby.” Donna’s voice is teary, but Jensen only looks at her.<\/p> “Funny how you ask that now, ten years too late. How did you find me?”<\/p> “I… after you called, I wanted nothing more than to find you. Well, I always have, but now… things are different. Stephen is in jail, and I hired a detective so we could find your whereabouts. I just needed to see you, son. I always wondered what happened to you.”<\/p> Jensen laughs, and it’s very bitter. “Oh, you wanna know? Okay, here you go. After I went to live with your lovely aunt, who also didn’t accept who I was, I left her house, lived here and there and when my money was over, I came back to Dallas and started living on the streets. I stole money and did other stuff too, so I could get drugs. That’s right mom, your lovely son turned into a junkie. A homeless junkie. I didn’t care if I lived or died anymore. I didn’t feel anything. And you know who saved me? Jared. The guy your nephew fucking kidnapped. I mugged him and instead of pressing charges, he took me to his rehab clinic and helped me. I’m clean and I have a home now, only because of him. Even more than that, it turns out he’s the love of my life. We had a good life here, we didn’t have much but we were happy. But apparently, your nephew couldn’t stand that when he saw us at the bar. It had nothing to do with him, but he decided to try and put an end to our happiness regardless. So apparently, even after ten years, this family keeps fucking me over. That’s how I’ve been.”<\/p> Jensen finishes, fuming, and waits for his words to sink in. Donna and Mackenzie look at him with her mouths open.<\/p> “Oh my god, Jensen…” Donna starts, tears running down her face. “I had no idea, baby…”<\/p> “Of course you didn’t. You people threw me out of your house, when I was badly bruised, because you couldn’t accept who I was. Your own son. You have no idea the shit I went through all of these years!”<\/p> Donna lets out a long breath, looking defeated. “You are right. There’s nothing I can say to make up for all we did to you. But I only came here to apologize, Jensen. I know an apology isn’t nearly enough, but it’s how I can start. I never forgave myself for you leaving like that. I wanted to reach out to you, but your father… you know him. And I was a coward. When I heard you had left my aunt’s house, I desperately wanted to know what had happened to you, but your father forbade me to seek information, and again I was a coward. I was scared of him and you paid the price. I can never redeem myself from all of this. Alan, he… died. A few months ago, from a heart attack. And ever since, I’ve been thinking more and more about trying to find you, find out what happened to you. When you called… I couldn’t sleep for days, I didn’t rest until I found out your location. I’m not asking you to forgive us, Jensen. That’s almost impossible to expect, I know we hurt you too much. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am you had to go through all of this, and how horrible I feel because it’s our fault and we could have prevented it. I just wanted you to know that I’ve always loved you, and you’ve always been my son. And maybe, someday, we could be a part of each other’s lives again, even a small part. I don’t judge you anymore because of your love life baby, if you’re happy then I’m happy for you. I want you to know that.”<\/p> There’s a turmoil going inside Jensen’s mind at Donna’s words. First he realizes he isn’t even sad upon hearing his father has passed away. Alan hasn’t been his father for a long time anyway. He always knew his mother wasn’t the one responsible for him being expelled from his house. She just didn’t do anything to stop it, and that hurt almost just as much. But Donna is here saying she’s sorry, and that she wants to be a part of his life now. Jensen is too fragile after everything that has happened, and he wants nothing more than to turn to his mother for comfort, like he did when he was a child. But too much has happened and he has been too hurt. He needs time to think this through.<\/p> So he faces both his mother and sister and breathes in a few times to steady himself. “Look. I don’t hate you. Despite everything, you’re still my family. But I can’t suddenly forget everything that has happened. That you didn’t stand up for me, and that I had to go through all that shit and will be an addict until I die. I won’t say I forgive you for now, but I won’t shut you out. I’m going through a lot right now, Jared is still in the hospital and it has been hard.” Jensen walks to the counter and writes his number down on a piece of paper, handing it to his mother. “This is my phone number. If you want… you can call me. I’m not making any promises here, but I can try. Just… give me some time, please.”<\/p> Donna takes it, nodding and giving her son a teary smile. She tentatively steps forward and raises a hand, gently touching Jensen’s cheek. He doesn’t jerk away and lets her have at it, but he doesn’t lean into it, either.<\/p> “Thank you baby, thank you so much. I’ll be in touch, I promise.”<\/p> At that, Donna and Mackenzie leave, and Jensen finally breaks down, a storm of emotion hitting him at once.<\/p> Jared has to insist that Jensen tells him what’s bothering him so much. He had asked if it was about him, if after the shock Jensen was finally coming to his senses and was feeling upset with the things Jared had done. It hurt Jensen to see that Jared still thought it was his fault, and it would obviously take some time for him to convince his boyfriend otherwise.<\/p> “It’s not you, Jay…”, Jensen says as he plays with Jared’s long fingers, not able to meet his eyes. “Just that some stuff happened, but you’re already going through a lot, and I don’t wanna burden you with more crap.”<\/p> Jared reaches out and places a finger under Jensen’s chin, tilting his head up, and forcing his boyfriend to look at him. “You’re not gonna bother me, Jen. If we are together in this, we need to trust each other with everything. Please tell me what happened.”<\/p> A tear escapes Jensen’s eye. “My mom and sister, they… came to pay me a visit.”<\/p> Jensen tells Jared everything that happened, and by the end he’s crying openly. “I’m just not sure what to feel Jay, they hurt me so much, but they are my family… I want to believe my mom when she tells me she’s sorry and that she wants me in her life again, but at the same time I can’t forget all the shit I went through because of them.”<\/p> Jared sighs, and squeezes Jensen’s hand. “I’m so sorry all of this happened. But at the end of the day, they are your family, Jen. Your mother reached out to you, and she’s trying. I’m not saying you should forgive her right now, but you can take small steps. When she calls, talk to her, you guys should learn about each other’s lives again. It won’t be easy but if you’re open to it, you can get your family back.”<\/p> Jensen places a kiss on Jared’s temple. He doesn’t add that his family now is Jared and that’s enough for him. But maybe his boyfriend is right, and it’s time to bond with his mother again. Maybe they can do it.<\/p> Rehabilitation is not easy for Jared. Now that he’s facing the aftermath of his kidnapping head on, and the damage it has done to his body, it’s really starting to affect him. He can’t move his legs, he can barely feel them, and it’s an awful feeling. The doctor had told him the prospects were good, that with physical therapy he could regain some mobility, but Jared is skeptical. He knows he’s only been working with the therapist for a little over a week, but nothing has changed and he feels helpless and afraid.<\/p> What if nothing changes? What if he can never walk again and has to spend his life in a wheelchair? What would become of his life then? And there’s Jensen… Jensen is so loving, caring and beautiful, he’s just starting to get his life back. He doesn’t deserve a broken boyfriend, who had to do those awful things and Jensen had to watch it, maybe he’s reminded of it everyday when he has to look at Jared. Maybe Jensen is too kind to dump Jared right now, because he’s still in the hospital.<\/p> And then there’s the whole no walking thing, Jared is going home soon in a wheelchair and he’ll be a burden to Jensen. He knows it. Jensen doesn’t deserve having to take care of his useless boyfriend just because he was stupid and weak enough to get kidnapped.<\/p> Jared had suggested to Jensen that he probably should go back to his parent’s house while he’s recovering, but Jensen blatantly refused, even surprising Jared a little, begging for Jared to come home with him.<\/p> “Please, Jay. Don’t leave me now, please. I could never be without you, we’ll get through this together, I promise! Just please stay with me.”<\/p> Jensen had sounded so broken and sincere, Jared couldn’t say no to that, even when his mother suggested Jared went to Austin, he told them no because he couldn’t do that to Jensen. But he knew, deep down, that his boyfriend would end up realizing what a burden he has become. He was still too overwhelmed with everything that had happened. Things would change with time.<\/p> Jared is released from the hospital two weeks later, to continue his program as an outpatient. He was able to regain a little bit of movement over the last couple of weeks, but as predicted, he’s leaving in a wheelchair. Jensen can see how that’s affecting his boyfriend, and Jensen hates knowing there’s nothing he can do.<\/p> Gerry has given Jared and Jensen the older of his two cars. He insisted, saying they were going to need it, so Jensen could drive Jared wherever he needed to go. Jensen had been working on getting a driver’s license again for the past weeks because he knew he was gonna have some driving duty. The doctor had suggested Jared should be admitted to a rehab facility for a few months, but he (and Jensen) had refused. Jared had said the last thing he wanted was to be stowed away at another hospital for months, away from everyone. So they decided he’d go to his therapy sessions 5 days a week, for the whole day. Jensen would drive him in the morning and go to work, picking up Jared in the afternoon.<\/p> It sounded like a great plan to Jensen, but Jared was still looking bummed with the prospect of going home, so Jensen decided to give his boyfriend some space. He was going through a lot at the moment.<\/p> Jensen drives Jared home himself, since he had refused to have it any other way. He had asked their friends to wait a few days before coming to visit Jared at home, so he could adapt to everything there first. Jared had been quiet as Jensen pushed the chair out of the hospital to the parking lot, and wouldn’t meet Jensen’s eyes when he helped Jared into the passenger seat.<\/p> Jared doesn’t say a word on the drive home, he just looks broodily out the window, and as the silence stretches Jensen grabs Jared’s hand and laces their fingers together. Jared’s hand doesn’t move at first, but as Jensen kisses his knuckles, Jared squeezes back, his eyes still on the road. Jensen can only hope things end up okay.<\/p> Sherri and Megan are both waiting as Jensen pushes Jared into their apartment. He couldn’t get out of that one. Both of them hug Jared, and he even smiles at them a little. They had cooked lunch for them, but Jared doesn’t finish his plate. Considering Jared’s usual appetite, Jensen is worried. But he decides to cut him some slack, hoping that it will improve soon.<\/p> Jensen manages to send Megan and Sherri away after a couple of hours, saying that Jared needs some rest, and his boyfriend sends him a grateful look. Then Jared spends the afternoon trying to learn how to get around the house and resting for most of the evening. Both of them watch old reruns on TV, sitting pressed together on the couch and it feels nice. After Jensen helps Jared take a shower, with the plastic chair he had placed there, he carefully carries Jared to the bed, under half hearted protests from his boyfriend that he can do it by himself, and they lie together facing each other. Jensen tears up when he takes a good look at Jared’s beautiful face so close to him, in their bed again.<\/p> “What are you crying for you doofus?” Jared asks with a small smile.<\/p> “I just can’t believe we’re here together again. I almost lost you, Jay.” Jensen answers, running a finger down Jared’s cheek.<\/p> Neither of them say anything else, they just stare deeply into each other’s eyes. It doesn’t matter what happens next, Jensen knows that as long as he has this, it’s gonna be alright.<\/p> A few days pass, and they fall into a routine of sorts. As they had discussed, Jensen leaves Jared at the center in the morning and goes to work, picking him back up when his shift is over. He had talked Jim into giving him longer shifts, he needs all the money he can get. He has gone back to do some gigs with the band, and Chad keeps Jared company while he’s gone during those nights. He wouldn’t mind bringing Jared along, but he has a feeling Jared wouldn’t be too thrilled, at least not yet.<\/p> Their friends have started visiting, trying to get Jared to cheer up, specially Chad with his endless babbling. Jared laughs and talks to them, but Jensen can see that underneath it, he’s not himself. In fact, as the days pass, Jared withdraws more and more into himself. He goes through his motions, does what he’s supposed to do, Jensen helps him when needed, but he can’t help but feeling that Jared is becoming more and more distant. And that scares the shit out of Jensen. He has tried to give Jared his space after all the shit he went through. Hell, he hasn’t even kissed Jared on the lips once since the kidnapping, and even though he aches to do it, to touch Jared like he wants to, he holds himself back, he needs to be the strong one here and give his boyfriend the time he needs to heal and do things at his own pace.<\/p> But even though Jared’s physical condition is improving very slowly - he’s regaining some more feeling and movements in his legs - his state of mind isn’t. It’s like Jared’s body is there but his mind is absent. He has been distancing himself from Jensen, very subtly, but it’s there. Jensen waits a few more days, maybe it’s something in his head, but it doesn’t get better, it gets worse.<\/p> Jared doesn’t talk to Jensen more than he has to, the rides to and from the center are dead silent, and it gets to the point where Jared doesn’t touch Jensen when they settle in their bed to sleep. Jensen can’t deal with this anymore, watching his beloved boyfriend slipping through his fingers. He’s not gonna sit by and let it happen.<\/p> Jensen waits until they are back home after a long day. He makes lasagna for dinner, Jared’s favorite, and it’s ready shortly after his boyfriend is out of the shower. They eat in a silence that is almost uncomfortable, and Jensen can’t take it anymore. It’s not supposed to be like this between them, they went through so much to be where they are now, and against all odds they are both still here. So no, this ends tonight, they have to talk.<\/p> As they finish the lasagna, Jensen takes the dirty plates to the kitchen. When he comes back, Jared is still at the table, looking a bit lost. Jensen takes a deep breath and lays a soft hand on Jared’s shoulder. He flinches, it’s almost imperceptible but it hurts Jensen nonetheless. He pretends not to notice though, and gives Jared’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.<\/p> “Hey Jay… I wanted to talk to you for a bit… what do you say we sit down on the couch so we’re more comfortable?”<\/p> Jared looks up and Jensen can see panic in his eyes. But it lasts for only a moment, as Jared nods and wheels himself towards the couch. He waits for Jensen to sit down and then transfers himself to the couch, leaving a gap between them. Jensen doesn’t think about it too much as he starts talking before he loses his nerve.<\/p> “Jay… I just want to know what’s happening with you.” He starts in a small voice.<\/p> Jared’s eyes go wide instantly, and he turns his head away, not meeting Jensen’s eyes. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about Jen, I… I’m just tired from all the rehab sessions, that’s all.”<\/p> Jensen reaches out and grabs Jared’s hand. It feels like Jared is going to pull his hand away, but apparently he changes his mind. He doesn’t move it, though.<\/p> “Jay… don’t pretend it’s nothing please. The way you’ve been acting lately…. I know you’ve been through a lot, still are, but I feel like you’re distancing yourself from me. It’s like you’re here but you’re not really. I see you everyday, but I still miss you. I want to give you space, but I wish you wouldn’t shut me out either.”<\/p> Jensen knows he sounds desperate but he doesn’t care one bit. He’s on the verge of tears but he manages to hold his own. Jared is quiet for a while, his head bowed. When he hears a faint sniff, he realizes Jared is crying, his eyes hidden behind his messy bangs. Jared reaches out and places a gentle hand on Jared’s chin, lifting his head. Jared’s eyes are red and he won’t meet Jensen’s gaze.<\/p> “Jay, talk to me please. Whatever it is, we can work it out together, I promise.”<\/p> When Jared finally looks at Jensen, his lips quiver and more tears fall down.<\/p> “I don’t want to lose you.” Jared’s voice is so low, Jensen is sure he has heard it wrong.<\/p> “What did you say, Jay?” He tries to sound as gentle as possible, even though he feels like he’s about to panic.<\/p> “I… I’m so scared, Jen. Not because of what happened, but because you don’t want me anymore.”<\/p> Jensen is so shocked when he hears those words, his hand falls from where it has been touching Jared’s face, and he stares at his boyfriend with his mouth agape.<\/p> “Jared… why in hell would you ever think I don’t want you?”<\/p> Jared averts his eyes again, wiping his face on his sleeve. When he speaks, his head is lowered again. “You haven’t touched me since I woke up in the hospital. You kiss my forehead, my temple, but never my mouth. You grab my hand but a good friend would do that. We haven’t been… intimate in a long time and I know it’s because of what I did. I understand you wouldn’t want to touch or kiss me after what I did with that woman… I know you said you liked that I was gonna be only yours and that changed... it just hurts so damn much, that’s all. But I get it, I do.”<\/p> Jensen can’t fight back his tears anymore. He never would have thought this is what was troubling his boyfriend, the feeling that he was unwanted. He thought Jared needed space and that backfired. So, he closes the gap between Jared and him, placing both hands on his face and making him look at him, again. Jensen dries the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs and Jared leans into his hand.<\/p> “Jay… how would you even think that I wouldn’t want you because of what happened to you?”<\/p> “I don’t know, I… I feel so dirty, it’s like I cheated on you, and you don’t deserve that, I…”<\/p> Jensen cuts Jared off, he can’t hear this anymore.<\/p> “Jay, please stop it. I’ve said this already, it wasn’t your fault. You were forced to do something you didn’t want to do, you had a gun pointed at your head, you never cheated on me. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine, I… Stephen is my cousin, Jay. The only reason he took you was to affect me. He made it pretty clear that he wanted to teach me a lesson, that you had taken me down the wrong path, that I had turned gay because of you. Everything that happened is because of me, Jay! If we hadn’t met, none of this would be happening, you would be safe and wouldn’t have to suffer through so much shit!”<\/p> Jared timidly takes Jensen’s hand that still rests on his face and holds it tight, lowering them both.<\/p> “Jen, listen to me. You didn’t kidnap me, you didn’t beat me up and make me do things I didn’t wanna do. So no, this isn’t your fault. Your cousin is crazy, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Yes, it was horrible and I still have nightmares, it hurts so much, but I would never blame you. In fact, if I was given the choice between finding you and go through all of this, or never seeing you again and therefore not facing this… there isn’t really an option here, Jen. If this is the price I have to pay for having you in my life again, I’ll gladly pay it.” Jared lets go of Jensen’s hand and looks away from him. “I just don’t see why you would want to be with me anymore Jensen, I… Look at me now, I’m a fucking burden.” Jared makes a motion to show his whole body. “I can’t walk right now and we don’t know if I’ll be able to do so again. I’m not as I used to be, I’m a mess and I’m broken, it isn’t fair that you have to be with someone like me, Jen, I understand, I just don’t know how I…”<\/p> This time Jensen cuts Jared off with a kiss. It’s a gentle kiss, just lips touching like the first kiss they shared, when they didn’t know their real identities, but it’s the best thing Jensen has ever tasted. He has missed Jared’s lips so much, they taste salty and like Jared, and god he doesn’t need anything else, ever. Jared melts into the kiss, his hands resting on Jensen’s hips and he lets out a heavy sigh. When they break apart Jensen smiles at Jared.<\/p> “Before I say anything, I have something to confess.” Jensen says, caressing Jared’s cheek. Jared frowns, and Jensen says he’ll be right back before running to their bedroom. Jensen opens Jared’s drawer and picks up his notebook. He knows this can go badly, Jared has every right to be all kinds of mad with him for invading his privacy like that, but Jared needs to know, he must understand and Jensen doesn’t want to hide this from his boyfriend.<\/p> Jensen slowly returns to the living room, taking his place beside Jared. When he sees what Jensen is holding, his expression turns shocked and he opens his mouth to speak, but before he has a chance to, Jensen interrupts him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.<\/p> “Jay please, lemme explain first. When I’m done you can yell at me as much as you want. You know… that day, when I came home from work and you weren’t here, I knew something was wrong. The hours passed, and you didn’t arrive. My heart was aching, I knew deep down that you weren’t okay, I didn’t know where you were and it was unbearable. I waited all night long and you were still gone. Then Stephen called, making fun of the fact he had you and god, Jay… I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I went through the motions. If the guys hadn’t brought me food, I wouldn’t have eaten, I simply didn’t care. Nothing made sense anymore, not without you, specially knowing you were suffering.<\/p> “The day Stephen sent the video… watching what he made you do, seeing the gun pointed at your head and the pain written in your face… I lost it, Jay. I got truly and deeply desperate. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I felt the need for the comfort of drugs, so strongly, I thought I was gonna die if I didn’t have my meth right away. I wasn’t myself, I was once again that lost dude living in the streets without any perspective. I started searching around the house, I don’t know what for exactly, but I was blind. And then, I went to our bedroom for the first time in days, I… I had to sleep in Chad’s old room because it was too much for me. Anyway, I opened your drawer and I saw this notebook. I knew it was wrong, it’s your private stuff, but Jay, I needed something, anything that got me closer to you. I opened it, and I saw your handwriting, a 11 year old’s handwriting saying he had met me at the camp, and then I broke down. I had to read everything, feel you close to me again, and every word I read was like a deep comfort, a way of knowing you were always with me. And somehow, that brought me back to reality, and I knew I had to be strong, I couldn’t give in, because of you. You saved me, you had faith in me and now you needed me, and I wanted to be strong for you. This notebook was my lifesaver, it was what kept me from going under. Even when you weren’t here, you saved me once again.<\/p> “You are the only thing that makes sense in my life Jay, I love you so much.” There are tears running freely down Jensen’s face and he doesn’t fight them. He smiles when he sees the look on Jared’s face, from shocked to emotional. He sets the notebook aside and grabs both his hands.<\/p> “Remember when I saw myself as only a homeless junkie, unworthy of your love? You made me see that you loved me for who I was, nevermind the state I was in, you wanted to be with me<\/em>. In any shape, any form. Now I tell you the same thing, Jay. You are the only thing that matters to me, you’re the most important person in the whole world. Finding out you were J.T…. I had already fallen for you, and knowing you were him was the best thing that ever happened to me, I had missed you so much, I dreamed over and over about meeting you again. I’ll never, as long as I live, want anyone else. You mean everything to me, I'm with you, every step of the way and I'll never leave you. I don't care. I don’t care if you stay in this wheelchair forever, if you have to use crutches or even if you were stuck in a bed. I do not care Jared, you hear me? I love you, in any shape, any way. I want you to get better because of you<\/em>, not me. I know you’re suffering, and I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat if I could.”<\/p> Jared scoffs through his tears. “I’d never let you do it.”<\/p> “I'd do it in your sleep then. Believe me Jay. I need you. You're it for me. Without you, I... Jay, I was there when your heart stopped beating, twice. You have no idea what that was like. When I thought I had lost you, I don’t know… All I know for sure is that I wouldn't be able to go on if you were gone.”<\/p> Jared looks at Jensen with haunted eyes and squeezes his hands. “Jen please don't say that.”<\/p> “No Jared, it's true. You know, being beaten up by my dad, getting kicked out, living on the streets, hitting rock bottom, seeing the worst of humanity, all of this... nothing even comes close to what I felt when I thought I had lost you. You saved me, in all the ways there is. If you had... died, I’d be right behind you. And I have never been more serious about anything in my life. I want you to understand once and for all that I love you more than anything, ever, and the only thing that would make me leave was if you kicked me out. And even then, I’d fight you hard.<\/p> “All I ask is for you to let me help you. Don’t shut me out anymore, please. Lemme take care of you for once, I want to do for you what you did for me. Gimme a chance to help you, my boy. You’re here but I miss you so much. Lemme be there for you, please.”<\/p> Jared doesn’t answer, he just studies Jensen for a moment before launching himself into his arms. Jensen grabs him and holds Jared tight, as close to his body as he can, as his boyfriend sobs into his arms. Jensen lets him, he rubs a soothing hand up and down his broad back as Jared gets Jensen’s shirt all wet, but he doesn’t care. Jensen sheds his own tears as he feels Jared’s warm body against his and he finally feels alive again, it’s like finally letting out a deep breath, after so fucking long.<\/p> When they finally pull away, a long time later, Jared’s face is blotchy and wet, and Jensen bets he looks the same, but he doesn’t care.<\/p> “Jen, I’m sorry for how I acted, it’s just that everything is so new and scary, and… I don’t know.”<\/p> Jensen presses their foreheads together. “You don’t have to apologize, never for this, love. Apparently we are both sorry for a lot of things, but I think now it’s time we leave it behind and begin again, and start to heal. The only important thing is that we stay together.”<\/p> Jared nods. “I only want you, always you. I don’t care about anything else, if you are here with me. You know… I don’t care if I can’t walk straight anymore. On those nights when I prayed for God to put you back in my life, I promised that if He did, I’d never ask for anything else, and I will hold on to that. I have you, and that’s the only thing that matters to me.” Jared closes his eyes for a long time. “God I’m so tired.”<\/p> Jensen doesn’t think twice as he places a hand on Jared’s back and another behind his knees, lifting him up.<\/p> “What you’re doing?” Jared tries to sound annoyed, but doesn’t succeed.<\/p> “Carrying my boyfriend to our bed, because I’m super strong and a gentleman.” Jensen replies, as he walks both of them to the bedroom. He gently places Jared on the bed and helps him out of his clothes, getting rid of his own as well, and lies down in bed next to Jared. He wraps an arm around Jared and smiles at him.<\/p> “This is much better.” Jensen says as he places a chaste kiss on Jared’s mouth.<\/p> “I missed you.” Jared responds, just inches from Jensen’s face. “I want to b-be with you, I just think I need a little more time.”<\/p> Jensen smiles and brings Jared closer. He rests his head on Jensen’s chest as they settle down for the night, and Jensen kisses the top of Jared’s head.<\/p> “It’s okay my boy. All we have is time.”<\/p> <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/11289.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10755.html","pubDate":"Thu, 02 Jun 2016 00:33:27 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 19\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10755.html","description":" <\/p> When Sherri and Megan leave to go see Jared, Jensen is left in the waiting room with Jared’s father, an uncomfortable silence hanging between them, and Jensen isn’t sure what to say. Thankfully, Gerry spares him the worry and starts talking first.<\/p> “Look, Jensen.” The man turns towards him, but has a hard time looking Jensen in the eyes, as if he’s struggling to get the words out. Jensen waits patiently. “I’m not sure where to begin, but… I need to apologize, to you and to my son.”<\/p> Jensen is surprised, he opens his mouth to try and say something but Gerry just holds his hand up. “Just… I never understood my son. I never realized he was struggling, I wanted to have a perfect family so I turned a blind eye to him. I should have paid more attention to Jared. That day, when he told us he was gay and had a boyfriend, the shock was immense. You need to understand Jensen, I come from a religious family, I grew up believing gays are sinners, so it was too hard for me to accept it. I’ve never thought this would happen in my family. After we returned home, it was like I was fighting a battle inside myself, between what I was raised to believe and the fear of losing my son. I was gaining some courage to try and talk to him after the shock had worn off, to understand what he was feeling since it was all new to me. I didn’t want to lose my son. But before I could act on it, all of this happened and I may never have a chance to talk to him, to tell him I don’t hate him.”<\/p> Gerry has tears on his eyes and Jensen takes pity on him. He’s trying, and that is all that matters. It’s way more than his own father ever did. “Jared was very hurt after that day, thinking he had lost his family. But I’m sure you’ll have the chance to make it up to him, and if you’re willing to do that, to accept you son, accept us, that’s a huge step, and I know Jared will be very happy.”<\/p> Jared’s father nods. “I hope so. I’m gonna work on Sherri, I’m sure she will come around, she was always way more focused on her beliefs than I was. But I think after stuff like this happens, you need to rethink your priorities. It’s still hard for me, but if my son is happy with you… I’m willing to learn and accept it. And to get to know my son-in-law better after this is all over. You can be sure you that you can count on me for what you need.”<\/p> Jensen swallows hard, very grateful for Gerry’s support. He nods and extends his hand, which Gerry promptly takes, giving Jensen a tight smile as he shakes his hand.<\/p> Once everyone has seen Jared, Jensen wants to stay at the hospital with his boyfriend, but the nurse tells him he should go home, he won’t be allowed to see Jared again tonight, and she tells him he’ll be informed if there are any changes in his condition. Megan convinces Jensen to go home and at least take a shower, get some rest and something to eat, so he can come back tomorrow and be with Jared. Jensen reluctantly agrees, after giving the nurse all the numbers he can be reached at, making her promise him to call at any time. He takes a cab home, even after Gerry offers to drive him. He’s still not comfortable with Jared’s mother at all. He just hopes she can come around as well, for Jared’s sake.<\/p> But that is something to worry about later. All he wants is for his boyfriend to be okay. There is no other option.<\/p> Five days later, Jensen is sitting beside Jared’s bed. He had another surgery that morning, this time to try and fix the damage in his spinal cord, and he’s still unconscious. The past few days have been a rollercoaster.<\/p> A day after Jared’s brain surgery, Jensen went through what probably was the worst moment so far, along with the one where he found Jared at his doorstep. He was visiting Jared, everything was looking normal and then the heart monitor started beating weirdly, and right when the nurse hurried to his bed, he flatlined. Jensen was frozen in his spot as he watched the monitor and Jared’s still form, the knowledge that his heart had stopped breathing, suffocated him. Someone yelled ‘code blue’ and another person came running in with a crash cart. A nurse started pushing Jensen out of the room, he didn’t want to leave, he had to stay with Jared, make sure he would live, he wanted to protest but the nurse pretty much dragged him out, closing the door behind him.<\/p> “Look, you must wait out here.” The nurse said in a hurried voice. “We’re doing everything we can to save him.” But there was resignation in his voice, and Jensen knew the chances were slim. The nurse went back inside and Jensen felt so lost. Jared was dying behind those doors, and there was absolutely nothing he could do.<\/p> Heavy tears ran down his face, sobs escaped his throat and he wrapped his arms around himself. Jensen didn’t know what to do, so he started walking aimlessly, too desperate to stay put. Close to the ICU, he found a small chapel. Without thinking about it, Jensen stepped inside, sitting down on the last row of chairs. He stared at the altar for a while, unsure of what to do, what to say. His mind traveled back to that day, months ago, when Jared talked to him about faith and prayer. So Jensen bowed his head and prayed, the only way he knew how.<\/p> God, please. I’m not sure why I am here, and I know I probably don’t deserve it… I never knew how to pray or what to believe in, but even if I have no right to ask… please save Jared. I’m not asking it for me, but if there’s a person who deserves to live, it’s Jared. He’s so caring and loving, he has a heart the size of the world, and not a single mean bone in his body. He doesn’t deserve this, the shit I put him through. Even if he doesn’t want to see me anymore, I’ll respect that. I’ll do anything, God please. Just don’t take him, not yet. You can take me instead if you want, but not Jared. Please, I beg you.<\/em><\/p> Jensen took a while to compose himself, gathering courage to go back and hear the verdict on Jared. He slowly dragged himself back to the waiting room, and he stayed there, waiting. He didn’t call anyone, deciding he should hear what happened to Jared first.<\/p> A while later, a doctor came and told him they had managed to get Jared stabilized, but his health was still critical. Jensen cried in relief, the knowledge that Jared was still alive, still fighting, was enough for him, for now.<\/p> The next day, to his utter surprise, Jared’s brother Jeff knocked on his door. He didn’t know who the man was at first, Jared didn’t talk about his brother much, but Jensen had a pretty good idea, seeing he was as least as tall as Jared, maybe taller. Jensen had been wary, thinking Jeff would want to fight with him, but to his shock, Jeff was very nice. He had told Jensen that he used to be homophobic, due to the way he was raised, but moving away, meeting new people at college, some of them gay, made him change his mind.<\/p> “I wish I knew what my brother was going through. When he came to me, I didn’t pay much attention to him, he said it was about a friend of his and I believed him. There was no way I could have a gay brother. I wish I had been there for him, helped him, been a real big brother, someone he could have looked up to. I hope I can make it up to him.”<\/p> Jensen was pleased to see Jared’s family coming through, he just hoped it wasn’t too late. His mother still kept her distance, but she had become less hostile towards Jensen, so he figured Gerry must have been doing some talking.<\/p> The doctors had decided to wait a few more days, when Jared would be more stable to have the spinal cord surgery. He hadn’t woken up yet, but they said it was to be expected, especially since the heavy head trauma, it could take the patient a while to come to.<\/p> Jensen decided to go back to work, since he couldn’t stay with Jared for more than a few moments each day. He had agreed with Jim that he’d work less hours while Jared was in the hospital, he felt like he needed to occupy his mind with something other than staying at home or in the hospital corridors. He also needed the income to pay their bills.<\/p> And now he’s by Jared’s bed, trying to keep it together. After the surgery, the doctor had given them some awful news. He told them that, due to the injury to Jared’s spine, he had a long, hard recovery ahead of him, and he could be left with permanent damage to his legs. The doctor said he didn’t have a complete injury to his vertebrae, so he wouldn’t be 100% paralyzed, but they couldn’t say if he was ever gonna walk on his own again.<\/p> That was a hard blow to Jensen, he still felt awful knowing this all happened because he entered Jared’s life again. If he was strong enough, he knows he should walk away, get out of Jared’s life after all he has done, but the truth is, he isn’t strong enough. He wants to, he needs to be there for Jared, he wants to help him get through everything. Jared was there for him through the bad times, and he wants to do the same for him. He will be there for him through it all, unless Jared himself sends him away. If he does, Jensen isn’t sure what he would do, but he will respect Jared’s wishes.<\/p> For now, all he needs is for Jared to open his eyes. He’s gonna deal with everything else later.<\/p> At first, Jared doesn’t know where he is. He feels like he’s thousand miles away, swimming deep down in the ocean, and everything is foggy. His senses come back very slowly, his eyelids are so heavy and he fights to open them, but fails. He hears distant sounds, he knows there’s something in his mouth, but when he tries to lift his hand to take it off, it feels impossible to even move. His legs feel weird too, it’s like they aren’t 100% there, and when he tries to, they won’t move either.<\/p> Jared isn’t sure if he drifted off or not, but he tries to open his eyes again, it’s a huge struggle, but this time he hears a voice. It sounds far away, but Jared knows this voice, and he knows he likes it. To Jared, it’s the best sound in the world. There’s a light touch on his hand, and Jared tries, with all his power, to squeeze the hand on his. He isn’t sure if he succeeds, but the voice tells him to wake up, he thinks. Yeah, maybe he should try again. It’s a hard task, but his eyes finally open only to close again, the brightness of the room blinding him.<\/p> He hears footsteps going away and coming back again, and that lovely voice telling him to try one more time so he does, after feeling a warm hand touching his forehead. Jared opens his eyes and blinks a few times, it’s darker now so it’s a bit easier. He’s in a white room that smells funny. Jared’s brain tells him he’s in a hospital, but he isn’t sure why. There’s something uncomfortable down his throat, so he tries again and this time his hand moves, but when he tries to touch the thing, someone grabs his hand mid-air.<\/p> “You can’t touch it Jay… I’ll ask the doctor if he can take it out.” The voice wavers, it sounds closer now, and Jared instantly turns his head, coming face to face with his favorite person in the world.<\/p> Jensen.<\/em><\/p> He tries to say the word but nothing comes out, and he starts panicking. But again, Jensen’s words calm him down, telling Jared the nurse is on the way. Jared’s eyes don’t leave Jensen’s, and he can see tears running down his lover’s face. Whatever happened to him, it wasn’t pretty and he isn’t sure if he wants to find out. He squeezes Jensen’s hand and doesn’t let go.<\/p> The nurse comes in the room after Jensen pushed the button calling her, and is pleased to see Jared is awake. She greets him, and Jared only stares at her in confusion. The nurse tells Jensen she’s gonna get the doctor, and after a couple minutes that pass in silence, with Jensen mumbling nonsense to keep Jared calm, the doctor finally arrives with the nurse behind him.<\/p> “Hello Mr. Padalecki, it’s so nice to see you finally awake! I’m doctor Kripke, and I’ve been taking care of you.”<\/p> Jared frowns and makes a small motion towards the tube.<\/p> “Guess you’re ready to take this out, then? Well, I’ll do a quick check to see if everything is alright, and then we can remove it.” The doctor turns to Jensen. “Mr. Ackles, would you mind waiting outside while we do this? I promise you can come back as soon we’re done.”<\/p> Jensen does mind, he wants to stay with Jared, but he has learned by now it’s futile to argue with the doctors and nurses. There’s a slightly panicked look on Jared’s face, but Jensen places a hand on his cheek.<\/p> “I’ll be right outside, Jay. They will take this tube out and I’ll come right back to you okay?”<\/p> Jared nods, defeated, perhaps the prospect of having the tube removed is too great to pass. Jensen presses a lingering kiss to Jared’s forehead, and then dutifully leaves the room.<\/p> As Jensen waits outside, he calls Megan to let her and Jared’s parents know he is awake, and she informs him they are on their way. Jensen has spent almost all of his free time with Jared since he was transferred to a regular room a couple days earlier. The doctors had decided his vitals were improving and he didn’t have to stay in the ICU any longer, as they were only waiting for him to wake up. That had been a relief for Jensen and everyone else, and it also meant they could spend more time with Jared.<\/p> About 15 minutes later, the nurse and doctor come out of the room, and the latter tells him that he may go inside, Jared is waiting. Jensen doesn’t need to be told twice.<\/p> He rushes to the bed and notices that the tube has been replaced by a nasal cannula. Jared looks tired, a couple of tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, probably from the effort of having the tube removed. He looks like a sad puppy. Jensen sits down and squeezes Jared’s hand.<\/p> “Better now?” Jensen asks, giving Jared a small smile. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to looking into his deep hazel eyes again.<\/p> “Yeah.” Jared answers, but his voice is raspy and low. “What happened?”<\/p> Jensen flinches, he has been dreading the moment Jared would ask that. But it’s better to get this over with, Jared will find out sooner rather than later.<\/p> “Don’t you remember anything?”<\/p> Jared frowns and looks up to the ceiling, clearly trying to get his mind to remember something. A few minutes pass before he whispers.<\/p> “S-Stephen… I was with him?” He asks with a shaky voice.<\/p> Jensen nods, noticing Jared’s growing distress. “Yes. He… he took you and kept you somewhere. I didn’t know where you were for days and he did things to you, and….”<\/p> Jensen doesn’t finish because suddenly Jared starts trembling so violently that Jensen is frozen for a few seconds. Jared is obviously remembering the things that happened to him while he was being kept by Stephen, and he’s not reacting well. Jared starts screaming and thrashing, as if he’s reliving every moment. Jensen tries to touch his arm but Jared jerks away so violently he almost falls off the bed, the only thing keeping him in place are his unmoving legs, which Jared is too distressed to notice. Yeah he’ll be even more thrilled when he hears about that part.<\/p> Jensen pushes the call button again and goes out in the hall to call for help because Jared has completely lost it and he’s gonna end up hurting himself. The same nurse comes running, and as soon as she takes in Jared’s panicky state, she hurries to administer a sedative. Jared slowly starts to calm down, until he’s lying still on the bed. The nurse adjusts everything back in its place, as Jensen tells her what happened. She tells him Jared will sleep for a while, and as she leaves the room, Jensen sits down again and buries his face into Jared’s chest, and he cries. This is not fair.<\/p> The next couple of days aren’t easy for Jared in the slightest. When he had woken up the next time, Jensen was gone and his parents were with him instead. He panicked, he was still freaking out over what had happened to him and the things he was forced to do, he wanted to see Jensen, but he was probably gone by now, it wasn’t like Jared should expect Jensen to sit and wait for Jared to wake up all day long. Specially after everything…<\/p> His mother started crying when she saw him awake, and Jared demanded them both to leave his room.<\/p> “But baby… we were so worried about you,” his mother had claimed, in a teary voice. But Jared didn’t even hesitate.<\/p> “You weren’t worried about me when you learned about me and Jensen, and opted to step away from my life if I continued with him. The reason I am here is because people who think exactly like you can’t stand the happiness of people like me. So please, get out.”<\/p> Jared’s mother had left the room in a rush, crying out loud. Before leaving, his father turned to him with a sad expression on his face.<\/p> “I want to apologize for my earlier behavior, son. I hope someday you can believe I don’t hate you, and I have changed some old fashioned views that I had until recently. I’m relieved to see you’re okay and I will be here as soon as you are willing to see me.”<\/p> Jared had cried after that.<\/p> When Jared received the news about his current condition, he didn’t cry or get desperate. He has been through so much shit already and he felt so awful, that this was only the cherry on top. Jensen was with him when the doctor told Jared, Jensen on the other hand, couldn’t hide his tears. Once the doctor left, he started sobbing, begging Jared for forgiveness, and Jared was clueless about that.<\/p> “Why do you want me to forgive you for, Jen?”<\/p> Jensen looked at him with wide sorrowful eyes. “Because it was all my fault, Jay. Stephen is my cousin, he only did what he did to you so he could get to me. If it wasn’t for me, this wouldn’t be happening to you.”<\/p> Jensen cried even harder, burying his face on Jared’s shoulder, and Jared himself couldn’t hold back his own tears.<\/p> “Don’t do this Jen, please… it’s not your fault, you didn’t take me… I just don’t get why you’re still here after what I did.”<\/p> Jensen looked up with a confused frown on his face. “What are you talking about?”<\/p> Jared scoffed. “I… I fucked that woman, Jensen. I cheated on you. And he said he was gonna send you a video and you probably had to watch it, Jesus Jensen, how can you ever touch me again after that?”<\/p> Jared felt filthy after he was forced to do that<\/em>, and he couldn’t understand why Jensen didn’t hate him for it. But Jensen took Jared’s hand in both of his, bringing it close to his face and gently planting a kiss on his knuckles.<\/p> “Jay… you were forced to do that, otherwise Stephen was gonna kill you. That is rape<\/em>. It doesn’t matter if you were the one doing it to the girl, it was against your will. How can you think I’d be mad at you for that? I thought…” Jensen’s voice faltered as his throat closed up. “I thought I was gonna lose you. I thought I’d never see you again, and I was so fucking scared, Jay. Those days without you were unbearable, I don’t know what I would have done…”<\/p> Jensen couldn’t finish, and for the first time Jared realized what it was like for Jensen on those days he was gone. He tried to put himself in Jensen’s place, and he doesn’t know if he would have made it. After getting his love back, the idea of losing him again would be unthinkable. Neither of them said anything else, they just clung to each other, trying to reassure one another that they were really there and safe. They fell asleep holding hands.<\/p> Officer Morgan calls to tell Jensen they have arrested Stephen, and he lets out a relieved breath. He also says Jared that he needs to testify, so they can build a strong case against him.<\/p> Jensen talks to Jared, and he doesn’t want to do it at first, claims he can’t go through all of it again. Jensen tries to convince Jared, claiming that it’s their chance to make Stephen pay. Jared agrees under the condition that Jensen stays with him while he testifies. When Jensen tells Morgan, the officer tries to object, but Jensen makes it pretty clear Jared won’t talk unless they agree to it, so that’s what happens.<\/p> After Jared has given his statement, all the while squeezing Jensen’s hand, Morgan tells him they have enough evidence on Stephen, and he’s probably going on trial, hoping he will face at least a few years in prison, specially since he doesn’t have a clean record. Now, Jensen can focus only on Jared’s recovery.<\/p> Jared’s family is finally making it up to Jared, Sherri has finally begun to realize she has to reevaluate her beliefs and priorities in life. She has politely told Jensen she is trying to accept things, if it means having a relationship with her son back, and for that, Jensen is grateful. Jared, his parents and siblings had a long talk, and things between them changed for the better after that. Apparently, almost losing someone has the power to change a person’s mind about the way they look at things. Jensen is relieved, to be honest. Jared’s family is good, they just had a lot of prejudices and didn’t know how to deal with it when a different situation knocked on their door. At least one good thing came out of all of this.<\/p> Jared has begun working on his recovery with physical therapy, and he’s also talking to a shrink. He was reluctant at first, but Jensen talked him into accepting professional help. Jensen knew he could only help Jared up to a certain point.<\/p> The physical aspect is hard too, Jared has little to no movement in his legs and limited feeling, and Jensen can feel Jared is getting very frustrated by that.<\/p> “What is gonna happen to me, Jen? If I can’t walk, what am I supposed to do?”<\/p> Jensen had held Jared while the younger man sobbed, his new reality finally sinking into him.<\/p> “We’re gonna work this out, my boy. The doctor said you have a good chance of recovering, even if it’s not 100% I’m sure you’ll be able to stand up eventually. You need to work hard on the therapy and I’ll be by your side every step of the way. We’ll get through this together, and we’re gonna be okay. You’ll be alright, and I’ll be by your side as long as you will have me.”<\/p> Jared didn’t respond, only cried harder and clutched Jensen tighter.<\/p> To cheer Jared up a bit, Jensen brings his guitar to the hospital on his next visit. Jared raises an eyebrow at him, and he gives his boyfriend a shy smile before leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.<\/p> “I thought I would sing you a song, you know… I’m sure listening to my awesome voice will lighten up your mood.”<\/p> Jared laughs for the first time, it’s short and not the kind of easy laughter Jared usually has, but it’s a start. Jensen sits down and places the old guitar on his lap. He has chosen a cheesy song, but he believes this is what Jared might need now.<\/p> This Romeo is bleeding<\/em> Jensen only sings half of it and Jared is crying by the time he finishes, he hopes his boyfriend can at least try to understand he’s not going anywhere, anytime soon. He only leaves the room once Jared is fast asleep, not before placing a lingering kiss to his forehead.<\/p> Jensen walks home thinking about Jared as usual, wondering when he’ll be able to come home. He wishes he could stay with him longer, but Jensen can’t leave his job, especially not now. He thinks about calling Chris to ask him when they can start having gigs again, he could really use the income. He’s relieved to know Jared is rarely alone, when Jensen isn’t there his mother is, or Chad, or Megan, or one of their friends. Jared’s father went back to Austin a couple days ago, since he had to go back to his job, and Jeff had left a few days earlier, but both of them are always calling to see how Jared is doing.<\/p> Jensen arrives home and takes a quick shower, but before he can think of making something to eat, the doorbell rings. He wonders if it’s Chris, and opens the door without even checking the peephole. When he realizes who the people outside his door are, he almost falls down.<\/p> “M… Donna? Mackenzie?” <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10755.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10574.html","pubDate":"Wed, 01 Jun 2016 02:40:43 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 18\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10574.html","description":" <\/p> A couple more days pass and there’s no news on Jared. And as more time passes, Jensen gets more and more desperate, he’s reaching the end of his rope. Jared’s family is still in town, but he hasn’t seen them since they arrived, and honestly he doesn’t want to. In fact, he doesn’t care about anything. He misses Jared so much it hurts physically, he’s barely eating or sleeping despite his friend’s protests, and he loathes himself for putting Jared in danger, for not being more careful or paying more attention to Stephen’s threats. The only reason Jensen hasn’t given up on everything already is Jared himself.<\/p> In the morning, he gets up from the bed after a restless sleep filled with nightmares, and heads to the living room. He has been sleeping in Chad’s old room for the past days, he can’t even stomach the idea of sleeping alone in their bed. When Jensen is about to enter the kitchen, something catches his eye. There’s an envelope at the entrance, clearly someone slid it under the door. His heart races as he runs to pick it up, tearing it open to reveal a CD.<\/p> There’s no note and Jensen frowns. He hopes that it is something about Jared, so he turns the computer on, waiting impatiently until it loads, and inserts the disk, the player opens and the video starts.<\/p> The first thing that appears is Stephen’s face, and Jensen cringes. He knows right away that whatever comes next won’t be good.<\/p> “Hey there cousin! I hope you’re doing fine. Me and your boy here are having a blast! I wanted to send you a small gift today, so I can teach you a lesson that you need to learn. You are gonna see how a proper fuck should be, nothing like that disgusting thing you guys probably do. So please, grab your popcorn!”<\/p> The camera shifts and Jensen can see Jared. He gasps as he takes a look at his boyfriend’s form. Jared is lying on a bed, pale and thin, sweat and bruises covering his face and body, and he looks to be in deep pain. Jensen immediately starts crying.<\/p> There’s a woman straddling him, and Jensen opens his mouth in horror as he watches her yanking down his pants and releasing his limp cock, stroking it until it’s half hard. Jared has a disgusted look on his face, tears running down his cheeks, and he wonders why he’s not even moving to stop her. Then, Jensen takes a closer look and notices with horror that Stephen has a gun pointed at Jared’s head. Jensen is paralyzed in his chair watching the woman ride his Jared, after a few moments Jared instinctively starts thrusting up, grabbing her thighs as he fucks into her, a pained expression on his face.<\/p> Jensen can’t watch anymore, he barely makes it to the bathroom before he loses the meager contents of his stomach and he doesn’t stop until he’s dry heaving. Jensen grabs the toilet and cries until his eyes are sore, and he finally knows he has had enough.<\/p> Jensen needs an escape, the pain is too much and he can’t bear it anymore. He needs his drugs, the craving has never been this bad, but Jensen having to watch Jared being forced to fuck a woman at gunpoint was the last straw. He can’t be strong anymore. He can’t.<\/p> Blinded by his strong craving, Jensen starts searching the apartment for something, anything. Deep down he knows he won’t find it, but he looks anyway. Maybe he can sell something. Jensen enters their bedroom, where Jared’s presence is stronger than anywhere else, and he hurries to open his boyfriend’s nightstand drawer. There’s a notebook at the bottom of it, and Jensen quickly picks it up. It looks old and worn, and Jensen is curious.<\/p> He sits down on the bed and opens the first page. What he reads makes his heart stop.<\/p> A boy with blue hair just arrived at the camp.<\/em><\/p> Jensen quickly flips through the pages and he suddenly realizes what it must be. It’s Jared’s journal, where he has obviously written about him. Feeling a sudden need, that overpowers the cravings for the drugs, Jensen starts reading. He knows it’s Jared’s private book, but he’s too far gone to care. This is the only thing that brings Jared somewhat closer to him. The more Jensen reads, the more desperate he gets. There are 12 years of Jared writing about him, suffering because of his absence, and Jensen had no clue about any of it. Jared’s written words pierce a hole through his heart, because he went through so much pain due to him, and now he’s suffering unimaginable pain, again because of him.<\/p> If it’s destiny, like Jared says, or God or whatever, why does it have to be so hard, why must hurt so much? If Jensen knew this was gonna happen, he’d have stayed as far away from Jared as possible, if only that meant he would be safe.<\/p> Jensen finishes reading the notebook and he folds into a ball on the floor, hugging his knees and the notebook, sobbing as though his heart is breaking. Jensen can’t give in, he must fight his cravings and be strong for Jared. He owes that to him, since he’s the one causing all of this, it’s the least he can do. Jared fought for Jensen so hard, he has so much faith in him, and Jensen could never disappoint him like this. He doesn’t move for a long time, doesn’t trust himself enough. He clutches the notebook in his hands like it’s his lifesaver, the only thing keeping his head above water.<\/p> That’s how Chris finds him hours later, and Jensen manages to tell him between sobs about the video, and after a lot of persuasion Chris convinces Jensen to bring it to the authorities. Jensen doesn’t want to at first, he can’t expose his boyfriend like this, but Chris argues that it’s solid evidence that Jared is being held captive and tortured. So he finally agrees, he will do anything that can help them get to Jared.<\/p> The following evening, Jensen is at home, lying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling when Chad arrives, bringing him pizza. Jensen really tries, but the most he’s able to eat is two bites of a slice. He knows he hasn’t eaten hardly anything since Jared was taken a week ago,and that he is losing the weight he had only just put on, but he can’t bring himself to care. He knows he must be strong, but he’s nearing the end of his hope. The video from yesterday is etched in his mind, the horrible images of a beaten up Jared being forced to fuck a girl are enough to make Jensen almost puke the pizza back up.<\/p> He had handed the CD to Morgan, who was shocked by it, and promised his best efforts in finding Jared. He knows Jared’s family has seen it too, he knows that they are still in town since he has been texting with Megan. She has told Jensen she wanted to come over and talk to him, but she doesn’t want to upset her parents even further. She texts him this morning saying they have watched the video and her mother passed out and spent the morning in the E.R. Jensen doesn’t even pretend to care. Didn’t she want her son to date girls instead of boys? She should be thrilled her wish came true.<\/p> Chad is sitting at the couch talking about nonsensical things, and Jensen is somewhat grateful for having someone to distract him, even though he’s only giving Chad half his attention. He’s wondering if he’s gonna be able to at least get half an hour of sleep tonight, when there’s a loud noise outside. It sounds like screeching tires, then there’s a loud bang, a couple honks and more squealing tires.<\/p> It seems like it came from right outside the apartment, so Jensen jumps up from the couch to see what’s happening. When Jensen opens the door and steps outside, he instantly knows what those sounds were. Jensen has to rub his eyes to make sure he’s seeing what he thinks he’s seeing, and even then it still looks like a nightmare.<\/p> Jared is lying on the street in front of their apartment, unconscious. Jensen has to hold his knees tight so they won’t give out, and forces his legs to move, so he can get closer to Jared. When he kneels down by his side, Jensen cringes at Jared’s state. His whole body is a big purple bruise, there are countless cuts and blood everywhere. Jared also has a lot of scrapes, like he has just been thrown out of a moving car and rolled onto the pavement.<\/p> There is someone screaming somewhere, Jensen quickly grabs Jared’s head and rests it on his lap, he can’t think straight, there are tears running down his face as he assesses Jared’s state. He’s getting desperate and he suddenly realizes he’s the one screaming. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know if Jared is even alive. Jensen looks around and finds Chad by his side, a shocked expression and the phone glued to his ear, and Jensen hopes he’s getting help.<\/p> Jensen runs a trembling hand through Jared’s hair, his tears falling down on his boyfriend’s face.<\/p> “Jay… please talk to me Jay. Can you hear me?” Jensen whispers anxiously, but there is no answer. Chad closes the phone and crouches down beside him, a horrified look on his face as he takes in the state his friend is in.<\/p> “The ambulance is on the way.” Chad says, his eyes never leaving Jared.<\/p> “Is he…” Jensen tries to choke out between the sobs. “Is he…”<\/p> He can’t bring himself to say the word, and Chad picks up on that, taking Jared’s wrist in his hand and feeling it for a few moments.<\/p> “He’s alive. But the pulse is faint.”<\/p> Heavy tears explode from Jensen’s eyes as he leans down and presses his face down onto Jared’s chest, silently asking, begging<\/em> for Jared to be okay. He has to be okay, there is no other option for Jensen.<\/p> Finally the ambulance arrives, and Chad gently takes Jensen away from Jared so the paramedics can work on him. Jensen can’t stand up, he remains kneeling on the ground close to Jared, as he waits. The look on the paramedics face isn’t good at all, they check Jared’s vitals and one of them announces Jared is going into cardiac arrest. Chad has to physically restrain Jensen to prevent him from jumping on Jared, and getting in the way of the paramedics doing their job.<\/p> As they prepare to do CPR, a cop appears out of nowhere, telling them to back up a bit so they won’t be in the way. Chad pulls a reluctant Jensen further away, as they watch the men doing compressions, and Jensen suddenly realizes that in that moment, Jared is technically dead<\/em>.<\/p> That thought makes Jensen want to pass out, but he fights against it, his body limp against Chad’s, who is trembling behind him. Both men watch as the paramedics fight for Jared’s life, pumping his heart and blowing air in his mouth. A few minutes later, they insert a tube down Jared’s throat and continue with the compressions without stopping.<\/p> Another paramedic inserts an IV and screams to another to start an epi. They finally settle Jared on a gurney, and after making sure he’s secure, they roll him into the ambulance, never stopping the compressions on him.<\/p> Jensen forces his legs to work and stands up, running to the ambulance, trying to climb into it, but the same cop blocks his way.<\/p> “I want to go with him!” Jensen screams in a hoarse voice, but the officer shakes his head.<\/p> “Sorry but you can’t ride with him. I can take you to the hospital, following the ambulance, so we can get there just after them.”<\/p> Jensen nods, too drained to even argue, and with a final look at Jared before the ambulance doors close, he runs to the car, vaguely hearing Chad telling him that he’s calling everyone and that they will meet him at the hospital.<\/p> The ride to the hospital passes in a blur. Jensen can only watch the ambulance driving wildly in front of them, sirens blasting, and all he can think about, is that Jared may be already dead. The notion makes him want to puke, he closes his eyes and breaths deeply, endless tears running down his face. The cop spares him a few looks, but doesn’t say anything, which Jensen is grateful for. He doesn’t trust himself enough to even open his mouth without throwing up.<\/p> He’s having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Jared was kidnapped and has just appeared on his doorstep, seriously hurt and almost dead. Never in his worst nightmares could he have imagined something like this happening. It’s too absurd.<\/p> They arrive at the hospital only a few moments after the ambulance, and Jensen jumps out of the car and enters the building, right when they are wheeling Jared through some doors. He tries to follow but a nurse stops him, saying he must stay in the waiting room. Jensen pretty much collapses on a hard chair and pulls on his hair, not sure what he should do. He can’t think, Jared is behind those doors and he has no idea what state he’s in and he’s feeling so powerless. Everything that is happening to Jared is because of him and he feels like screaming.<\/p> The cop that brought him in approaches Jensen, followed by another one, and he clears his throat to get Jensen’s attention. As he looks up, the cop tells him as gently as possible that he needs to give his statement as to what happened to Jared. Jensen is more than happy to do so, finally being able to do something remotely useful, his monster of a cousin did this and he will make sure the cops know it.<\/p> The cops lead Jensen to a private room, and he tells them everything that has happened, that Jared was kidnapped and there is a case opened already. He tells them that Stephen, his cousin, made sure Jensen knew that he had Jared and tonight he dropped an unconscious Jared on his doorstep, probably to teach him a lesson, maybe assuming he was already dead. The cops thank Jensen and release him, saying that his statement will be added to the case files, along with the one Chad has to give when he arrives, and Stephen will more than likely have a ‘wanted’ sign of his face soon.<\/p> When Jensen returns to the waiting room, Chad is there with Sophia, Chris and Steve, all of them asking questions when they see Jensen, but all he can do is just shake his head. They all sit and wait as Chad goes to talk to the cops and Jensen fills in some forms with Jared’s information. A while later Jared’s family arrives. After being told they have to wait by the nurse at the station, Sherri spots Jensen and starts throwing a tantrum, demanding that he leaves since he has no reason to be here, and since Jensen’s level of stress is already off the charts, he stands his ground and faces Jared’s mother.<\/p> “I am not going anywhere, you know why? Because Jared is my boyfriend, he’s the love of my life and I have every right to be here, since he chose me to be a part of his life. I know what happened to him was my fault, because Stephen is my cousin, but the only thing that can make me leave this hospital is Jared asking that himself. And even then, I won’t leave. Now, you guys, you turned your back on your son, you were blind to his suffering, you didn’t help him when he needed it the most, and after finally telling you the truth, saying he was finally happy with the man he loved, you ignored him for weeks and only came here because he was in danger. If this hadn’t happen, you’d still be in your lovely suburban home, pretending your son doesn’t exist. So excuse me if I don’t follow your orders, I’m staying put and if you as much as think about keeping me from seeing Jared in this hospital, I’ll raise hell on earth. So I wouldn’t do that if I were you, because you don’t know what I’m capable of doing for those I love. I’m sick of you treating us like we’re below your level. So please, if you don’t have anything nice to say to me, let’s keep quiet and wait for news on Jared.”<\/p> Jensen slumps down on the couch, leaning against the back of it. Sherri opens her mouth to answer him, but surprisingly, Jared’s father cuts her off.<\/p> “Enough, Sherri. We’re dealing with enough stress here already, we don’t need to add more to it. Let’s do what the boy says and wait in silence for someone to come and give news on our boy.” Gerry gives Jensen a long look, but Jensen is too tired to even think about what it means.<\/p> A long time passes before the doctor finally comes into the waiting room, calling for Mr. Padalecki’s family. Jensen is the first to get up and get to the doctor, followed by Jared’s parents and Megan. Their friends stay close behind so they can listen too.<\/p> “Doctor, please, how’s Jared??” Jensen asks in a frantic voice.<\/p> The doctor eyes Jensen. “Are you family?”<\/p> Jensen doesn’t even blink, answering before Sherri has a chance to. “Yes, Jared is my life partner, we live together.”<\/p> The answer seems to be enough for the doctor. “Okay. I’m doctor Sheppard, and I was the one who treated Mr. Padalecki and assessed his condition. I’ll be straight with you, Jared doesn’t look good. He has suffered severe injuries caused by heavy beatings, to his head and torso, specially his back. We’re monitoring his kidneys for any signs of renal failure, since that can often occur. Scans also showed swelling and a injury to the lower part of his spine, which is a big concern, but for now our major worry is for Jared’s brain. He has suffered a massive head injury, maybe when he fell from the vehicle, the CT scan shows an edema, which is brain swelling, and internal bleeding. Jared is being prepared for surgery as we speak, so the doctors can try and release the pressure on his brain and stop the bleeding. I’m sorry I can’t give you better news, but Jared’s state is critical. I can promise you he’s in the best of hands though, and will receive the finest treatment. We’re doing all we can to save him.”<\/p> Jensen can’t find his voice to reply to the doctor, he steps aside and Chris is quick to hold him up, right when his knees buckle. The doctor’s words ringing in his ears, Jensen can’t help but think that Jared’s dying. He needs brain surgery, there are a lot of other injuries that Jensen can’t even begin to think about, and if Jared ever comes out of all of this alive, it’s gonna be a miracle. Chris tries to drag Jensen to the couch, but suddenly Jensen is taken over by a wave of massive anger, that runs deep in his bones and he knows he has to lash out at someone. So he extricates himself from Chris’ arms and demands that his friend gives him his phone.<\/p> When Chris hands him the device, Jensen steps away from everyone, flips the phone open and without thinking twice, punches in the number he still knows by heart, hoping it hasn’t changed over the years.<\/p> A female voice answers, and Jensen knows the number is still the same. “Hello?”<\/p> “Donna?” Jensen’s voice is hoarse and dry and he ignores the sting of hearing his mother’s voice for the first time in all these years.<\/p> “Yes, this is her. Who is this?”<\/p> “This is Jensen.” He waits a heartbeat for the effect of his words and sure enough there’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end.<\/p> “J-Jensen? Son??” The voice sounds shocked and desperate, but Jensen doesn’t break.<\/p> “No! This is Jensen, but I’m not your son. I haven’t been for years now.” The woman starts to speak but Jensen cuts her off. “I am calling to let you know something. Your precious, perfect nephew Stephen, found out I’m in Dallas and living happily with my boyfriend, and he thought it was a good idea to fucking kidnap my boyfriend and torture him. He returned him to me with his life hanging by a thread, and now I’m sitting in a fucking hospital waiting for the doctor to tell me there’s nothing they can do for him! And it’s all the fault of this fucking homophobic and hateful family who cannot accept a different lifestyle. You people took everything from me, you took my whole life away and now you have managed to take my love too. What did I ever do to deserve all of this? I only wanted to live my life the way I am, but you people won’t let me. I want you to know something. Stephen will pay. If the police won’t find him, I will, and he will regret the day he was born when I do. That’s all I have to say.”<\/p> Jensen shuts off the phone and clutches it tightly in his hand, fat tears falling down his face. He returns to the waiting room, not sure if he’s feeling better or worse. Jensen returns the phone to Chris, who informs him the nurse said the surgery has begun. Jensen tells his friends to go home and rest, saying he’s gonna stay and wait for the surgery to be over. They protest, but there’s no point of them all staying here, and Jensen promises to call if anything happens.<\/p> The waiting is unbearable. It has been hours, but to Jensen, it feels like months have passed since they started the surgery. He feels nauseated every time he thinks that there is a possibility that Jared could die, that the doctor could come and tell them they can’t do anything to save him. Megan often sits by his side, offering and taking silent comfort, ignoring her mother’s stern looks. Jensen is fucking tired of her judgment, but he’s even more tired of arguing. He can’t stop thinking about how cruel Stephen was, how it’s possible that a human being can get to that point, and he knows he wasn’t bluffing when he talked to Donna. If the police don’t find him and lock him up, he’ll take matters into his own hands. Jensen was quietly minding his own business with Jared and then Stephen came and ruined everything. He has to pay one way or the other.<\/p> After what seems like days, another doctor arrives asking if they are Jared’s family, and everyone stands up at once. Jensen tries to read his face, to see if the news is gonna be the worst possible. Again, it’s Jensen who speaks first.<\/p> “How is he? Did he make it?”<\/p> The doctor looks at them with sympathy. “Jared made it through surgery, we were able to remove the source of the swelling in his brain and control the bleeding. We are hopeful he’s gonna make a full recovery but it’s too soon to tell. His condition is still critical, he’s in the ICU and we’ll keep a close eye on him, especially his heart, he arrived here in cardiac arrest and it took a long time to stabilize him. Jared still needs surgery on his spinal cord, but for now we’re more worried with him making it through the next couple days after this first surgery.” The doctor looks at everyone and sighs. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but let’s take one step at a time. It’s not gonna be easy, but we’re doing everything we can for Jared.”<\/p> Jensen can’t find his voice, it’s a lot of information at once and a lot of things that could go wrong, so Sherri is the one who speaks.<\/p> “Can we see him?”<\/p> “Yes. But not all of you at once and only for five minutes each.”<\/p> Sherri starts saying that she is going first and Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but surprisingly, Gerry is the one who stops her.<\/p> “Sherri, let the boy go first.” His voice leaves no room for argument, both Sherri and Jensen stare agape at the man, and she protests even further, claiming her husband is crazy but he doesn’t back down.<\/p> “He was right. We turned our back on our son, he was the one by his side all this time and he was the one who found him. As he told you, Jared chose him, and he has every right to see him before we do. Go Jensen, please.”<\/p> Jensen is stunned by the fact that Jared’s dad just defended him, but he decides to think about it later, he’s seeing Jared now and that’s all that matters.<\/p> A nurse leads him to the ICU, and when he enters the room he doesn’t see anything else, only a tall figure lying too still on a large bed, and even before Jensen approaches it, there are already big tears rolling down his face as he takes in Jared’s state. His eyes are closed, his face pale under purple bruises that go down all the way his torso and arms. There are cuts and scrapes everywhere, a large bandage around his head. A lot of wires are attached to his bare chest, connecting Jared to countless machines around him.<\/p> Jensen stands by Jared’s side, carefully picking up his hand and bringing it to his lips, placing a lingering kiss there, feeling his tears dampening the back of it. Still holding Jared’s hand, he touches his face as gently as he can, feeling the warmth of Jared’s cheek, proof that he’s still alive, along with the loud sound of the beeping machines.<\/p> “I’m sorry, Jay.” Jensen’s voice is no more than a whisper. “This is on me but you’ll be fine. You have to be. And if you forgive me, I promise I’ll take care of you and we’ll be so happy together, in our small apartment with our friends bugging us. Maybe we can move to a house and get a dog someday? Bet you’d like that.”<\/p> Jared remains completely still and Jensen’s voice falters as he squeezes Jared’s hand. “Jay, please.”<\/p> A nurse arrives, quietly telling him he must leave now, and Jensen nods. He places another kiss on Jared’s hand and with a final look at him, the love of his life who’s just hanging by a thread, he leaves the room. <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10574.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10388.html","pubDate":"Tue, 31 May 2016 02:02:15 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 17\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10388.html","description":" <\/p> Everyone is gathered in Jared and Jensen’s apartment. It’s the middle of the night, but nobody cares. Chad had come with Soph as soon as Jensen called, Chris had shown up after talking to Jensen again and learning what has happened, bringing Steve with him. Danni and Milo are there as well, Chad probably having warned them.<\/p> Jensen is clutching his phone in his hands, having called Jared about a thousand times and he can’t stand the voicemail message anymore. His friends have searched around, called hospitals, police stations, but Jared is nowhere. Jensen is feeling weak with not knowing where Jared is and it’s killing him. He can’t help but think someone took his boyfriend, but why would they? Nobody would have a reason to kidnap him, it’s not like they are rich or anything and everyone loves Jared.<\/p> Well--except Stephen.<\/p> Jensen lets his cousin’s name roll through his brain as he remembers the incident that happened at the bar, but then he quickly dismisses it. Stephen may be delusional and a bit dramatic, but he’d never be crazy enough to take Jared. Jensen laughs under his breath, because the thought is ridiculous and his brain is obviously just grasping at straws.<\/p> A couple of hours pass and nothing happens, Danneel has made everyone coffee, but Jensen refuses her offer. He has remained seated in the chair by the window, looking outside for any signs of Jared. He finally thinks he has waited enough, and announces he’s going to the police station, to officially report that Jared’s missing. Chris convinces him to wait until morning, which is only a couple hours away anyway. Jensen agrees, but only for two more hours. He’s desperately hanging onto the slim hope that Jared will suddenly arrive on their doorstep saying he somehow got lost on the way home. Danneel tries to get him to lie down for a while to get some rest, but he can’t. His eyes can’t peel themselves away from where they’re looking outside, and his heart won’t stop racing with panic. He keeps his phone firmly planted in his hand, because no he can’t rest until he knows Jared is okay.<\/p> True to his word, exactly two hours later, Jensen is heading out of his apartment to the police station, and Chris offers to drive him there. When they arrive, Chris does the talking, and he manages to get them in to see to an officer. Turns out it’s officer Morgan, the same one who was on duty when Jensen mugged Jared.<\/p> Sitting in his office, Jensen remembers how this was the first place he saw Jared. It’s the place where they got reunited. And now, Jared is gone. Tears well up in Jensen’s eyes and he holds back a sob as they wait for the officer. Chris places a hand on his shoulder, and Jensen silently appreciates the support.<\/p> Then Morgan comes to the room and both Jensen and Chris introduce themselves.<\/p> “Ackles?” The officer asks, with a frown. “I remember that name, you’ve been here?”<\/p> “Yes.” Jensen is too impatient to make small talk. “I was caught stealing, was sent to rehab and here I am now, brand new, thanks very much. The reason I’m here is because Jared, my boyfriend, has gone missing and I want to report that, please.”<\/p> Morgan sighs and leans back on his chair. “When did he go missing?”<\/p> Jensen doesn’t understand why this is so important, but answers anyway. “Last night.”<\/p> “Where? Are there signs of a struggle?” Morgan seems almost bored and Jensen has the sudden urge to punch him.<\/p> “He just disappeared! He was supposed to pick up a pizza and wait for me at home like he said he would, but he never showed up. He didn’t even make it to the pizza place, someone must have taken him after he left the clinic he works in.”<\/p> Morgan studies both of them for a minute before moving forward, resting his forearms on the table. “Look, Jensen. I understand you’re upset, but there’s no substance to build a case here. From what you’re telling me, your haven’t seen your boyfriend in 12 hours, there’s no physical evidence he was taken against his will, and from what I imagine, he’s not a vulnerable adult. It’s not illegal to leave your job and not go home. I’m really sorry, but unless you have solid proof that Jared was really kidnapped, there’s nothing we can do.”<\/p> Jensen stares at the officer as if he’s seeing an alien. “So you’re telling me that my boyfriend can be locked up somewhere right the fuck now and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?”<\/p> “As I said, we need evidence of that.”<\/p> Chris has to physically restrain Jensen when he gets up and makes a motion towards the officer, having to pretty much drag him out of the station. Jensen doesn’t say a word on their way home. And by the time they arrive, everyone has gone home already, so Jensen asks Chris to be left alone. His friend makes him promise to get at least a little bit of rest, and lets him know that he’s going to be checking up on him later.<\/p> Jensen enters the empty apartment and looks around. Jared is everywhere, almost literally since his jacket is thrown on the back of a chair, his shoes are left beside the coffee table. It doesn’t matter how many times Jensen says it, Jared keeps leaving his stuff everywhere. Jensen slowly walks to their bedroom and only has time to take off his shoes before falling down on the bed. He reaches out to his nightstand, where there’s a photo frame with their old picture together from camp. Jared had framed it before Jensen moved in as a welcome gift, it’s actually the page Jared kept, with Jensen’s note to him. Jensen has also kept that picture, cut just to show him and Jared, and it’s one of the few things that kept him going when things got too rough, looking at Jared. He stares at the framed page in his hands, going back to a time where everything was so much easier.<\/p> Jensen buries his face into Jared’s pillow, his smell lingers there, and tears well up in his eyes. His heart hurts with Jared’s absence, he wonders for the millionth time where he could be. Jensen hugs Jared’s pillow tightly and curls onto his side. A thought passes through his mind, that maybe Jared could be dead right now…and Jensen immediately panics, as he has to fight for breaths, the thought of Jared being dead somewhere, too much for him to bear. Jared can’t be dead. Because if he is… Jensen can’t be alive anymore. He would never be strong enough for this.<\/p> When he finally falls asleep, it’s due to pure exhaustion, phone and picture clutched in his hands. For the first time in his life, he does what Jared taught him to.<\/p> Jensen prays.<\/p> Jared wakes up slowly, feeling his head spinning. His eyes feel heavy and he has to try a few times before he can finally open them. When he does, Jared has to wait until his vision comes into focus. Then he realizes he’s in an unknown room. Jared slowly sits up and looks around. There’s only the bed he’s currently on, and nothing else. Jared gets up and walks to the door, but when he turns the knob, he notices it’s locked. There are no windows either, so Jared guesses he’s in a basement or something.<\/p> Jared has absolutely no idea where he is, or what he’s doing here. He tries to get his mind to focus, remember where he was before there. He thinks he was at the clinic. He remembers calling Jensen to let him know he was buying pizza for them on his way home, but he doesn’t think he got to Pizza Hut. And suddenly, one single thought enters his mind.<\/p> Jensen.<\/em><\/p> Jared didn’t get home, and he doesn’t know how much time has passed since then. Jensen must be freaking out because Jared wasn’t there when he arrived at the apartment. Jared looks around, trying to find his phone, but it’s nowhere. Jared feels panic building up inside him, he’s trapped god knows where, he has no idea what time or even what day it is, and Jensen is probably out there looking for him.<\/p> He starts pounding on the door, screaming for someone to let him out. He screams and screams, until his voice goes hoarse, but nobody comes. Jared is thirsty and hungry, he has no idea when the last time he ate was. Jared’s feeling desperate, clueless to what’s going on and how to get out, so he slides down the wall next to the door and cries desperately, hugging his knees and burying his face in them. His stomach hurts and his throat is dry, and Jared cries until his eyes ache.<\/p> Suddenly, there’s noise at the door, and Jared fights to get to his feet as someone unlocks the door and starts opening it. When the person enters the room and Jared sees who it is, he lets out a shocked gasp.<\/p> “S-Stephen?” Jared’s jaw almost hits the floor, his eyes as big as saucers. Why on earth would Jensen’s cousin take him like this?<\/p> “Hey Jared!” Stephen replies in an overly cheerful tone, that comes out completely fake. He hands Jared a small glass of water and a plate with a couple crackers, which Jared takes from his hands without even thinking, because he’s desperate. While he eats and drinks, Stephen calmly watches him. As Jared takes the last sip of the water, he glares back at Stephen.<\/p> “What do you want? Why are you doing this?”<\/p> And then, like magic, Stephen’s face turns from a blank expression into a hateful one, and before Jared can brace himself, Stephen shoves him into the wall, making the plate and glass crash on the floor, his hand firmly on Jared’s windpipe, holding him in place, his face inches from Jared’s.<\/p> “Why??? Do you wanna know why, Jared? Because you are the scumbag that turned my cousin into a fag, that’s why. I’ve watched you two, ya know?? Such lovebirds, it made me want to puke! I couldn’t let that go on, Jared. It is disgusting and I won’t allow it. I took you from right under his nose and he will eventually see that you are no good for him. You are nothing more than the evil that entered his life and messed with his head. I’ll make sure you pay for it.”<\/p> Jared can’t believe what is happening to him. He’s half hoping it’s all a horrible nightmare and when he wakes up, Jensen will be sleeping peacefully by his side, and he’ll tell him all about it over breakfast. But Jared knows it’s real. It just doesn’t seem like it. It’s like he entered a horror movie and he has no idea how to get out. When he tries to speak, his voice shakes, and he notices there are tears running down his face. He knows he looks pathetic, but doesn’t even try to hide it.<\/p> “Please, just let me go… you have nothing to do with us, you hadn’t even seen Jensen in years. Lemme go back to him, I won’t even let him know you took me, plea-”<\/p> Jared doesn’t finish the sentence as a hard first connects to his jaw, making him fall down onto the floor. Jared sees stars, and by the time his mind has cleared enough for him to focus, Stephen is gone and the door firmly shuts behind him. Jared doesn’t have the strength to get up, his limbs feel heavy and his jaw is on fire. He cries until he passes out from exhaustion. The last thought in his mind before falling into oblivion is him wondering if he will ever see Jensen again.<\/p> During the next two days, Jensen either hides himself at home crying for Jared or ends up searching for him around town. Since the police won’t do anything, he has decided to do it himself. He looks everywhere, shows people Jared’s picture and asks around, but it’s pointless. It’s like Jared just evaporated into thin air. He knows for a fact that his boyfriend wouldn’t just leave him, not after everything they went through to be together. Jared has made it clear that he wants to be with Jensen, even knowing he’s an addict and with all the baggage he carries. Jensen gave him the option to get away, but Jared stuck with him. So Jensen doesn’t buy for one second that Jared left by his own volition. Someone has taken him for an unknown reason, and Jensen knows he’s missing something, he just doesn’t know what.<\/p> He hasn’t bothered to contact Jared’s family yet, but he knows he should have probably called them by now--but hey, sue him. There are parts of him that want to wait a bit longer and see if by some miracle Jared will return. But the truth is, Jensen is dreading the fact that he’s going to have to face Jared’s family eventually. He knows they are already upset, so god knows what their reaction will be when they learn his son was taken soon after his new boyfriend moved in. Jensen decides to wait a bit longer just for that.<\/p> His friends take turns in checking up on him, making sure he’s eating and getting some sleep. But Jensen doesn’t feel hungry at all, he only nibbles on the food his friends bring, because the mere thought of eating something makes his stomach turn upside down. He can’t even bear looking at himself in the mirror, but he imagines he must be pale, with bags under his eyes. He vaguely knows he should go to work, but Danni tells him it’s all taken care of when he asks. Chris also mentions that their gigs have been canceled until further notice.<\/p> Jensen just wants to do nothing more than cry and scream, because Jared is missing and he feels like his hands are tied, he has no idea where to look at and he misses Jared like a limb. He keeps thinking of Jared’s voice and easy smile, the sound of his laughter and his scent. Life makes absolutely no sense without Jared in it.<\/p> Three days go by after Jared’s disappearance, when everything changes.<\/p> Jensen is lying on the couch, Chris is there keeping him company and trying to convince him, without success, to eat something, when Jensen’s phone rings. Jensen is off the couch in a flash, picking up the phone from the coffee table and when he checks the caller I.D., his heart almost stops.<\/p> Jared<\/em>.<\/p> Jensen flips the phone open as fast as he can with trembling hands and shoves it to his ear.<\/p> “Jared???? Jared is that you?? Where are you???” Jensen practically yells into the speaker, the phone glued to his ear. He expects to hear his boyfriend’s voice, however another one, completely different, speaks.<\/p> “Hey there Jenny boy!” The voice sounds cheerful, but so fake. It sounds familiar, but Jensen can’t place it at first.<\/p> “Who is this?” He asks in a tremulous voice.<\/p> “What do you mean, who is it?” The voice scoffs on the other side. “It’s your favorite cousin!”<\/p> Everything comes crashing down right before Jensen’s eyes, because maybe Stephen is that crazy after all. He loses his balance, his knees buckling from beneath him as he falls onto the couch, Chris is hovering by his side, trying to understand just what’s going on. But Jensen can’t speak, his body is too riddled with shock. Stephen’s menacing words suddenly replay in his mind and it makes his stomach roll in on itself at just the mere thought of his cousin laying a finger on Jared.<\/p> “You are a shame to your family, Ackles! But you won’t get away with it, you’ll learn your lesson!”<\/em><\/p> “What do you want with him, Stephen?” Jensen tries to find his voice as he feels Chris hovering beside him, clearly understanding what’s happening. “He didn’t do anything to you, please let him go.”<\/p> Stephen just laughs in his ear and Jensen closes his eyes, trying to center himself. He can’t lose it now. “Now… now Jenny boy, that ain’t happening any time soon. You see, your friend here has taken you down the wrong path, he ain’t no good for you, so he must pay. And I’ll make sure you understand that he isn’t the right choice for you, cus!”<\/p> Jensen feels his eyes burning, but he worries his fingers at the bridge of his nose, trying to remain calm. This can’t be happening. “Please, Stephen. He is innocent, we never did anything to you. Let him go, please… just… is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.” Jensen’s voice breaks and he hates that it gives him away.<\/p> Stephen however, seems pleased. “Don’t worry about him, Jenny boy, Jared’s having a blast. We are having a…. what do you call it? It’s a ’ reunion of sorts with my friends. We are just gathered here and Jared is our main focus. You want him to say hi?”<\/p> Jensen waits a heartbeat and then he hears it, Jared’s painful scream, as if someone is really hurting him. It makes his stomach fall and heavy tears form in his eyes. It’s the most awful sound he’s ever heard, and he wants to crawl into the phone and get to his boyfriend.<\/p> “Stephen, please, give him back, I’ll do anything. I won’t say a word, take me instead, you can do anything you want with me, just give him back! Where are you??”<\/p> But Stephen just scoffs. “I can’t say that Jenny boy, you know that. We still wanna have some fun with this boy here. Maybe you’ll hear from me again soon. See ya!”<\/p> The line goes dead and Jensen collapses onto the floor, dropping the phone by his side. His breath falters, panic tight beneath his ribs, because finally he knows what happened to Jared and it’s his worst nightmare.<\/p> Chris is by his side in a second, his arms around him and Jensen just lets his friend hold him while he cries. Jensen sobs into Chris’s shirt, trying to speak but failing. This cannot be happening, Jared is at the mercy of some crazy, homophobic dudes, and he has no idea how to get to him. His scream echoes in Jensen’s ears, and he cries even harder.<\/p> “Jared…” Jensen tries to choke out between his sobs. “Stephen has… Jared.”<\/p> “I know.” Chris’ deep voice tries to soothe him, but nothing can do that right now. And then he disentangles himself from Jensen, leaning him back against the couch gently. “Jensen, listen to me. I know you are hurting more than I can even imagine, but we need to act. We know now that Jared has really been kidnapped, and we need to go back to the station and talk to that officer. He needs to make a case out of it asap.”<\/p> Chris quickly goes to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water, forcing Jensen to drink it. Then he helps him up and convinces him to change his clothes. When he returns to the living room, he is surprised to find Chad there.<\/p> “What are you doing here?” Jensen’s voice is hoarse and bordering on rude, but he is too far gone to care.<\/p> Chad opens his mouth, but it’s Chris who answers it. “Chad and I are witnesses to the fact that Stephen threatened you and Jared and tried to harm you both. This will help with your testimony that Stephen has Jared, and hopefully the officer will act on it this time.”<\/p> A couple hours later, the three men leave the station after Morgan has finally opened up a case on Jared’s disappearance. It turns out Stephen has a record of harassment, disturbance and robbing, along with some of his pals, who are probably the ones also holding Jared captive. Morgan releases an APB out to other law enforcement agencies with the hopes of trying to find Jared as quickly as possible.<\/p> At least something is finally being done. And Jensen’s not really sure how he’s feeling about it all, but he knows one thing is for sure. It’s time to call Jared’s family and break the news to them.<\/p> Jensen hurries home after saying goodbye to his friends, because he knows he needs to call them when he’s alone. He grabs their phone book and flips through it until he finds the number he’s looking for. Jensen dials five times before he finally presses the call button and puts the phone to his ear. It rings a few times before a voice answers and Jensen replies in a weak voice.<\/p> “Hello, Megan.”<\/p> Jensen had ended up briefly explaining to Megan what has happened over the phone. When she learned that Jared was kidnapped, she cried and hung up, telling Jensen she needed to talk to her parents. Jensen had received a message from Megan later that evening, saying they would be arriving in Dallas first thing in the morning.<\/p> Before their arrival, Chad stops by to bring Jensen breakfast, but just as he couldn’t get any sleep the night before, he also just can’t bring himself to eat anything either. He ends up setting the food on the kitchen counter and promising to eat it later, and then he tells Chad about the visitors that are about to arrive soon. And apparently he decides to take pity on him, choosing to stay and wait for them, so he can support Jensen. Jensen doesn’t protest, he feels better with Chad there.<\/p> When Jared’s parents and sister arrive, it’s not very pleasant, as predicted. Megan actually gives Jensen a hug though and he’s taken aback by it, but hugs her back. Her mother protests, apparently not being aware of the fact that Megan is on Jared’s side. But it doesn’t last long, since the reality that Jared has been taken is much bigger than anything else.<\/p> “What happened to Jared?” Sherri asks in a strained voice, barely acknowledging Chad and not meeting Jensen’s eyes, clearly uncomfortable to be there.<\/p> “Jared… he disappeared four days ago.” Jensen says in a small voice. “He never arrived home from work, and I didn’t know what had happened. Then yesterday I got a call from my cousin… you see, I haven’t seen him in years and he was not too pleased, like you guys, to find out that Jared and I were dating, and Stephen is a nasty person. He told me he has Jared as a way of punishing me. The police are already looking for him.”<\/p> Both Jared’s folks stay quiet for a while, processing the information. Then Sherri looks at Jensen with hate in her eyes. “So, this is all your fault!”<\/p> Jensen’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth, but Megan tries to speak first.<\/p> “Mom…” She starts, but Sherri cuts her off.<\/p> “No! Didn’t you hear what this man said? His lunatic of a cousin kidnapped my son because he doesn’t agree with their lifestyle, which I can’t argue with, but it’s his fault! Ever since this… man entered my son’s life, he has ruined everything! He made Jared cut his ties with us, and now our boy is god knows where, suffering god knows what! All because of him!”<\/p> Chad starts arguing with Sherri, but Jensen can’t listen anymore, because she’s right. Now that he has seen it from her angle, he knows it’s true. Jensen slowly sinks down on the couch and all the sounds around him disappear, only leaving him with the cruel fact that Jared was taken because of him<\/em>. If they weren’t together, Jared would be safe now.<\/p> It’s all his fault.<\/p> He feels a panic attack building inside him, and from far away he makes out Chad’s angry voice and a door slamming shut. He feels Chad by his side, but Jensen can’t breathe, tears falling down his face with the knowledge of how everything that is happening is because of him and it makes him feel desperate.<\/p> Chad talks Jensen through it until he is able to regain his breath, and then broken sobs erupt from his mouth.<\/p> “They are right Chad. Jared was taken because of me. Anything that happens to him, it’s all on me!”<\/p> Chad puts a comforting hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Jensen. You didn’t kidnap Jared. The only person we can blame is a lunatic, who thinks he has the right to decide how other people can live their lives. We’ll get him back, you’ll see.”<\/p> Jensen calms down but he doesn’t feel any better. He knows this is on him. Chad informs him that Jared’s family have gone down to the station to talk to the officer, but he couldn’t care less about what they do. All he cares about is getting his boyfriend back safe and sound, and that hopefully he can make it up to him somehow.<\/p> Jared feels exhausted.<\/p> He doesn’t know how long he’s been there, but he feels like he can’t take it anymore. He has barely had anything to eat or drink in days, he smells, his head hurts and he doesn’t have any tears left in him to cry.<\/p> Jared’s whole body aches. Stephen and his friends have been taking turns beating him up and he’s been punched and kicked pretty much every inch of him. The tender bruises purpling all over his body tell a story he can’t even comprehend and he just doesn’t have the strength to get up from the bed anymore. He’s sure he’s gonna die there, and he would love nothing more than that, if it would finally stop the pain. But one thing keeps him hanging on:<\/p> Jensen.<\/em><\/p> Jensen is the only thing that keeps Jared going, that prevents him from giving up completely. Jared thinks about Jensen, about how happy they were just starting their simple life in the apartment they share. Jared has suffered so much because of Jensen, has gone through so much because of him, and now that he finally gets him back…<\/p> Jared needs to get back to Jensen. It’s the only thing that makes him fight back when the men beat him up, or when they inject something into his body that makes his mind foggy, but he still tries to struggle against it. Because he has to, because Jensen gives him the will to live.<\/p> Jared doesn’t know how much time passes when Stephen and a couple of his pals come inside the room, and this time they are followed by a woman. She stands by Jared’s bed and gives him a once over, humming appreciatively. But, Jared is too out of it to even care.<\/p> “Hey there, Jared!” Stephen greets him, and Jared flinches--it’s become a new reflex. That can’t be good. “See my girl over here? She is visiting with us today, so she can teach you a very important lesson. Oh, and Jensen too.”<\/p> “What do you mean?” Jared asks through gritted teeth, fear creeping up his body. Because whatever Stephen is hinting at, really doesn’t sound good.<\/p> Stephen makes a motion with his head and the woman takes off her dress, revealing her naked body. Jared starts to comprehend where this is all going, and there’s no. Fucking. Way.<\/p> “What I mean my friend, is that you are gonna learn where you should stick your dick. And you’re gonna fuck her until it fucking sticks!.” Stephen takes a video recorder out of his jacket pocket. “And your precious little boyfriend is gonna watch, too.”<\/p> Jared’s stomach drops, he can’t possibly be hearing this right. There’s no fucking way in this world he’s gonna do this, not in a million years. The girl climbs on top of him and he tries to weakly get her off, but she locks her legs around his thighs.<\/p> “I’ll never do that Stephen. I can’t do that, please stop.” Tears are forming in his eyes, because this is a nightmare, he won’t do it. He can’t.<\/p> “Oh, I think you will.” Stephen reaches into the back of his pants and comes out with a gun. He points it at Jared’s head and releases the safety, and hands the recorder over to his friend. “Unless you want your precious boyfriend to watch your brain being splattered all over the wall, it’s your choice.”<\/p> Jared closes his eyes and turns his head to the side, rivers of tears sliding down his cheeks. He thinks about Jensen’s smile instead. <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10388.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10144.html","pubDate":"Tue, 31 May 2016 00:51:31 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 16\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10144.html","description":" <\/p> Jensen stares into Jared’s eyes for a long time, as if looking for a confirmation this is what he really wants. But when Jared looks back at him with nothing but quiet resolve, Jensen gives him a small smile and throws the items onto the bed. Jared’s heart is beating fast in his chest, he’s feeling nervous, but he wants this so much. Jensen steps even closer to him and slowly runs the back of his hand down Jared’s face, their eyes never leaving each other, Jared is sure that this is the right time.<\/p> Jensen grabs the hem of Jared’s t-shirt and slowly pulls it up and over his head, running his hands down his smooth, golden torso. Jared feels exposed all of a sudden, so he removes Jensen’s plaid shirt and tee, letting both fall to the floor. They take a moment to just look at each other, Jared’s breath is becoming heavier, and Jensen places a hand over his heart. He can surely feel how strong it’s beating, just for him--always for him. Jensen leans over, with his hands on Jared’s hips, and places a soft kiss on his collarbone, going up his long neck and moving across his jaw, until he finally meets Jared’s mouth. He moves one hand up and grabs the back of Jared’s neck, kissing him passionately, licking his bottom lip for entrance and exploring his mouth with all that he has.<\/p> Without breaking the kiss, Jensen walks Jared backwards towards their bed until the back of his knees hit the mattress, making him fall onto it as Jensen looks down at him. He gently pushes Jared’s shoulder, quietly instructing him to lie down. Jared braces himself on his elbows, and continues to watch Jensen.<\/p> After removing both their shoes, Jensen climbs on top of Jared, touching their foreheads together and looking deeply into his beautiful, hazel eyes.<\/p> “Hi.” He whispers, his warm breath invading Jared’s mouth, and god, he loves Jensen so much. Jensen runs his hands over the sheer breadth of Jared’s body and showers it with kisses as he goes. Jared tries desperately to fight the emotion that bubbles up in the back of his throat. His mind goes back 12 years, and everything that has happened since. The first time he laid eyes on Jensen, and how he had no idea that the boy with blue hair would change his life forever.<\/p> Jensen unbuttons Jared’s jeans and slowly takes them off, revealing his dark briefs and the shape of his hard cock inside of them. Jensen runs a thumb over the head, making Jared gasp. He quickly helps Jensen out of his old jeans, and Jensen pushes his hips down, grinding his own erection on Jared’s, and Jared will never get over how incredible that feels.<\/p> Jensen grabs the waistband of Jared’s briefs, yanking them down and releasing his aching cock. As his boyfriend leans down and takes him inside his mouth, Jared pants hard, the feel of Jensen’s hot mouth around him, too much for him to handle. Every moment he’s had with Jensen after finding him again, has been incredible. Jared knows it won’t always been easy, they’re in for a bumpy ride, but it’s worth it. Jensen sucks the tip of his cock, and licks the underside of his shaft, making Jared fight hard not to come so soon. It’s incredible how Jensen makes him feel, even before he knew Jensen was Jack. From the very first time Jared laid eyes on him, he knew Jensen was special. And even if his eyes didn’t know who he truly was, his heart always knew.<\/p> Jared comes with Jensen’s mouth around him, and his name falling from his lips. Jensen swallows the last drop, and as Jared watches him, he can’t help but feel how intimate and meaningful it is. Jared brings Jensen up and tentatively kiss his mouth, tasting himself and it should be weird, but it isn’t--it actually tastes nice because it’s just them. Him and Jensen, combined.<\/p> Jensen reaches out and grabs the bottle of lube, looking into Jared’s eyes once more.<\/p> “Jay, are you sure? We can wait.” His voice is husky and his pupils are dilated with lust, but he looks concerned.<\/p> “I’m sure, Jen.” Jared runs his hand through Jensen’s hair, giving him a smile.<\/p> “It’s gonna hurt, love. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s your first time, so…”<\/p> Jared cuts him off with a chaste kiss. “I know. But I’m ready for it. Jensen, I’ve been ready for it my whole life. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do this but you.”<\/p> Jensen kisses Jared’s flushed temple, and opens the lube, coating his fingers and slowly circling Jared’s entrance. It’s cold at first, and it feels weird to be touched there by someone else, but as Jensen’s fingers warm up, it gets better. Jensen slowly inserts a finger inside him, and Jared wills himself to relax at the intrusion. What he said was true. He has never wanted to do this with anyone else, boy or girl. Every time Jared imagined his first time, it was Jensen who was with him. He couldn’t see himself sharing this moment with anyone else, but at the same time, he never thought he would have the chance to have this with Jensen.<\/p> As his boyfriend inserts another finger and scissors them inside him, Jared can’t help but feel blessed. Against all odds, Jared got Jensen back and what is even more amazing, Jensen loves him back.<\/p> “God Jensen, just do it please.” Jared pants, his flaccid cock giving signs of life again, but Jensen shushes him with a kiss.<\/p> “Have patience, my boy. As I said, it’s gonna burn, I need to get you as ready as I can so it will hurt a little less.”<\/p> Jensen inserts a third finger and works Jared as open as possible, and Jared feels he can’t take it anymore, like it’s taking forever and he just needs to feel Jensen inside him. Finally, after what seems like ages, his boyfriend is apparently satisfied with the prep job and removes his fingers, wiping them on the sheet and grabbing the foil packet. As he takes the condom out and puts it on his hard cock, coating it with a lot of lube, he looks at Jared again, asking one final time if he’s okay with it. Jared doesn’t answer, he only nods, slowly.<\/p> Jensen studies him for a moment, and finally nods back. He grabs one of Jared’s legs and places it over his shoulder, pulling the other around his waist. Jensen lines himself with Jared’s entrance, touching his hole with the tip of his cock, his eyes never leaving Jared’s face, looking for any signs of discomfort, but Jared encourages him to do it.<\/p> Jensen starts to enter Jared very slowly, and yes, it hurts, in fact, it hurts a lot. Jensen stops, to give Jared time to adjust, and he takes several deep breaths. He nods, motioning for Jensen to continue. Jensen places small kisses to Jared’s calf which is resting on his shoulder. As he bottoms out, Jensen stays completely still, waiting for Jared to adjust.<\/p> It really hurts, Jared closes his eyes shut and breaths through his mouth, trying to get his body to relax, but it’s hard. Then, he listens to Jensen’s quiet voice talking to him.<\/p> “Look at me, Jay… just breath and look at me. I’ve got you, my boy. Open your eyes.”<\/p> Jared forces his eyes to open, and he’s met with Jensen’s own staring back at him, inches away from his face. Jensen leans down and places a long kiss on Jared’s mouth as he whispers ‘I’ve got you’ over and over.<\/p> Jensen breaks the kiss and looks at Jared, who tentatively nods. Jensen finally moves, very slowly, thrusting gently in and out, and when Jensen changes the angle and hits a spot inside of Jared, his hips buckle up and he sees stars. Jensen does it again and again, and the pleasure he sudden feels overpowers the pain he was feeling, and as his body fully adjusts, he finds that it feels simply amazing. As Jensen and him become one, Jared feels so thankful. He has prayed so many nights for Jensen, for this, and God answered him. A tear escapes his eye as Jensen grabs Jared’s once again hard cock and strokes it along with his thrusts, and god, Jared is so lucky. He doesn’t understand how his family can condemn such a powerful love, how they can be against his happiness, when all he wants in his life is this. Jared doesn’t need anything else as long as he has Jensen, and this is the happiest he has ever been.<\/p> Jared comes again, spurting all over Jensen’s hand, and after a final thrust, Jensen comes too, buried deep inside Jared, yelling his name. Jensen collapses on top of Jared, and they stay entwined, Jensen’s limp cock still inside Jared. Jared hugs Jensen close to him, he doesn’t wanna move, ever again. Jensen murmurs ‘I love you’ against his neck, and he can only hug him tighter, the lump in his throat preventing him from replying.<\/p> They are both sticky, sweaty, and smelly, but Jared doesn’t care. He knows, more than ever, that he won’t feel ashamed again, people can accept them or not, but the only thing he knows for sure, is that this is it for him. Jensen is his home, his happiness, he is fortunate enough to get him back in his life after so long, and he won’t take it for granted. He feels sleep dragging him under, Jensen is already breathing rhythmically against him, his eyes closed, and before Jared succumbs, he sends up a silent prayer, as he has every night since he learned who Jensen is, thanking the man up there for giving him his very own miracle.<\/p> On Jensen’s birthday, Rising Kane has a gig at Fitzsimons. The boys have played there a few times over the past few weeks, and each time, they were a success. Jensen is now part of the entire thing, from beginning to end, officially taking over the position of lead singer. Jensen has found something he’s really passionate about, and he’s so glad for having this opportunity. Plus, he gets some money out of it, and with that, added to what he makes at the coffee shop, he’s able to share the bills with Jared and that makes Jensen very relieved.<\/p> He can’t believe the turns his life has taken ever since that fateful night he mugged Jared. If a few months ago someone had told him he’d be the lead singer of a band, living with his boyfriend, with a stable job and clean not too long after, he’d say that person was snorting the wrong kind of crank. But now here he is, and he has Jared to thank for all of this. It’s still not easy, Jensen still craves the drug more often than not and has to fight it, sometimes pretty hard, but when he looks at Jared, when he hears his boyfriend’s laughter and kisses him, or just watches him sleep, he knows it’s worth it. Sometimes he even has to pinch himself to see if it isn’t all just a dream, because in his fucked up life, it seems too good to be true. It still amazes him that Jared is in fact J.T., that little boy who changed him, and against all odds he found him again. Jensen truly believes in destiny now, and that everything that happened in his life led him to Jared, and to be honest, he’d go through it all again, if it meant Jared would be at the end of the tunnel. It would be worth it, no matter what.<\/p> Tonight, they are playing an acoustic set for the first time. Jensen has his old familiar guitar and he’s sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage, flanked by Chris and Steve. Everyone’s there tonight, Jared right in front of the stage along with their friends (because they are Jensen’s friends now too), and even some old buddies from the clinic, who were also patients and released around the same time as Jensen. They usually meet at the Narcotics Anonymous meetings, where they manage to stay in touch.<\/p> It’s a good gig, they play some classic tunes and even one of Kane’s original songs that Jensen is slowly learning. In the end, Chris makes everyone sing Happy Birthday to Jensen, who can’t help the grin that spreads across his face, especially after noticing Jared is the one singing the loudest.<\/p> When they arrive at the table, Jared has a chocolate cupcake with a small candle on top, and welcomes him with a kiss. They all sing to him again, and Jensen thanks them all while blowing out the candle. As they all take their seats again, Jensen excuses himself to go to the bar to get himself a Coke and a drink for Chris.<\/p> As he waits for the bartender to get his order ready, someone behind him calls his name.<\/p> “Jensen? Is that really you?”<\/p> Jensen turns around and is met with a face he hasn’t seen for years. He looks older now, but he’s still very recognizable.<\/p> “Stephen?” Jensen says with surprise, but he can’t hide the hint of wariness in his voice.<\/p> Stephen gives Jensen a once over and a smirk that makes Jensen cringe internally.<\/p> “Well, well, look who’s here. The long lost Ackles has returned from the dead.”<\/p> Stephen words aren’t amicable at all, and Jensen immediately feels uncomfortable. Stephen Amell is Jensen’s cousin, his father is Stephen’s mother’s brother. They never really got along. Stephen was always a mean person, ever since he was a little kid. He wasn’t likeable, he always treated others like shit and their parents always granted all his wishes and pampered him all the time. Jensen’s parents always loved Stephen, but behind their back he wasn’t nice to Jensen, so he would avoid him at all costs.<\/p> When they became teens, Stephen started hanging out with the wrong kind of guys, they would do drugs, steal and harass people. His parents would always turn a blind eye to what he did, or would even bail him out when needed, so Stephen never knew limits and always believed he could do anything he wanted, consequences be damned. Jensen doesn’t know what happened to Stephen after he moved to Tulsa, since he hasn’t seen or heard from his cousin since, but he can see from his cocky attitude that he hasn’t changed much.<\/p> Jensen clears his throat so he can give him an answer. “Yeah, you know me… I’m full of surprises.”<\/p> Stephen raises an eyebrow at him, at the same time the bartender places his drinks on the bar. “You know, I’ve heard the family thinks you’re dead in some alley out there. I believed the same thing, until tonight. This is a surprise for sure.”<\/p> Jensen grabs his drinks, and before he has a chance to leave, he feels a solid presence next to him, and he doesn’t need to look to know it’s Jared. His boyfriend places an arm around his shoulders and Jensen relaxes a fraction.<\/p> “What’s going on here?” Jared asks in a low voice, and Jensen instantly knows he has picked up on Jensen’s tension.<\/p> Jensen manages to give him a small smile and points his head towards Stephen. “This is... hm… my cousin. Stephen Amell.”<\/p> Jared looks at the other man with wide eyes, clearly impressed with meeting a member of Jensen’s family.<\/p> “Well, nice to meet you.” Jared tries to sound friendly, but Jensen knows better.<\/p> Stephen just raises an eyebrow at him. “And you are?”<\/p> Jared smirks and brings Jensen closer to him. “I’m Jared. Jensen’s boyfriend.” Jensen hears the pride in Jared’s words and can’t help but feel warm all over. But Stephen’s next words instantly make him cold again.<\/p> “You’re kidding, right?”<\/p> Jensen frowns, feeling really uneasy. “No, he’s not kidding. I am Jared’s boyfriend indeed, as in we are a couple.”<\/p> Stephen looks from one man to the other, a look of incredulity on his face, and shakes his head vigorously.<\/p> “No, no, no, no, no! You were not a fag Jensen, you can’t possibly be…. dating<\/em> a dude, no! This is disgusting Jensen, is that why you ran away?? Because you like to take it up the ass?? No wonder your family is so ashamed of you or why they won’t even say your name!”<\/p> Stephen’s voice is getting louder by the time he finishes and Jensen senses that this is going to turn ugly. He positions himself between Stephen and Jared, since the look his cousin is giving his boyfriend, is nothing short of dangerous. From the corner of his eye Jensen can see Chris and Chad approaching them, probably having noticed something not right, and Jensen focuses on answering his cousin.<\/p> “Look dude, you can say whatever you want. The truth is, I am a fag, I’m gay to give it a better term. That is in fact why I ran away, but I’m definitely not ashamed of it anymore. And honestly, I don’t give a single fuck as to how you feel about it, since I don’t see how it’s any of your business who I choose to date.”<\/p> As Stephen takes in Jensen’s words, his face changes into an angry mask, and before Jensen can say anything else, the other man lunges forward, and as Jensen instinctively pushes Jared away, Chris and Chad both grab Stephen before he can manage to get to Jensen. And as Stephen tries to break free from the strong arms holding him, he yells at Jensen and Jared with venom in his voice.<\/p> “You are a FREAK, Jensen! You both are, you and that man! You are a disgrace to your family, you are fucking disgusting! You should have died instead of turning into this, I’m sure your folks would agree with me!”<\/p> Chris mutters ‘that’s it’ and both of them start forcibly dragging Stephen out of the bar, he is still shouting and the pure hate in his eyes has Jensen seriously scared. “You are a shame to your family, Ackles! But you won’t get away with it, you’ll learn your lesson!”<\/p> Chris and Chad manage to get Stephen away from them as he keeps yelling, and by that point most eyes are on them. Jensen is glued to the spot, in shock with what just happened and the not so subtle threat in Stephen’s words. He feels Jared’s hand on his shoulder and he instantly turns to his boyfriend, gratefully accepting his arms around his body.<\/p> “It’s okay, Jen” Jared whispers on his ear. “That dude is crazy, I think he’s secretly jealous of the gorgeous couple we make.”<\/p> Jensen chuckles, trying to hide his distress and how Stephen’s words affected him. Jared walks them back to their table, where the rest of their friends are waiting for them, worried expressions on their faces. Both of them sit down and Jensen wishes he could have a strong drink to ease his nerves. But Jared keeps his arm around him and he’s grateful for his boyfriend’s support.<\/p> Chris and Chad return and inform them Stephen has been officially thrown out, and that they told the security not to let him in again. Jensen lets out a deep breath, and everyone looks at him expectantly, clearly wanting an explanation to who that guy was. Jensen quickly explains he’s his cousin and how he was definitely not happy to hear Jensen had a boyfriend, but he doesn’t go further than that.<\/p> Thankfully Jared feels how uncomfortable he is, and Jared himself apparently isn’t feeling so good after being yelled at, so he suggests that they call it a night. Their friends are sad to see them leave so soon, but they claim to understand. As they prepare to leave, Chris and Steve suggest they walk them home. Jensen wants to protest, say they are perfectly capable of walking themselves, but the truth is, Stephen might be still close and he’s definitely not<\/em> kidding around. So Jensen is secretly thankful they are having company on their way home, since he’s a little afraid, specially for Jared’s sake. He would never forgive himself if something happened to him.<\/p> When both of them are safely inside their apartment, Jensen sinks down on the couch, followed by Jared, who glues himself to his side.<\/p> “Sorry your birthday had to end that way, babe. Your cousin has no idea what he’s talking about. But if he is any indication, no wonder you wanted to escape your family.”<\/p> Jensen snorts. “Stephen is a grade A asshole. He’s always been mean to his core, I thought he’d have changed by now but apparently it has gotten worse. I just hope he stays away from us.”<\/p> Jared brings Jensen closer to him and places a kiss on his temple. “He will, love. We’re gonna be okay.”<\/p> March 1st, 2007<\/em><\/p> In all these years, I always wondered when your birthday was.<\/em><\/p> I can’t believe I finally get to celebrate it with you. Happy birthday, Jen.<\/em><\/p> The next couple of weeks go by uneventfully. Jensen plays more gigs with the band, at Fitzsimons and some other bars around town. He has been doing good at the coffee shop as well, Danneel has helped him a lot, and both of them have become good friends. Danneel confided to Jensen that she had suspected for a long time that Jared might be gay, not only because he turned her down a lot of times, but she just had a feeling, and of course she made sure to tell Jensen that she’s very happy the boys have found each other.<\/p> After the fateful meeting with Stephen, Jensen had been shaken up, worried that his cousin could do something to them, and also for throwing in his face that his family would rather see him dead than have a gay son. Jared had noticed Jensen’s mood, so a couple days later he had taken Jensen on a date, to celebrate his birthday in private, as Jared said. They had gone to a nice steak house that Jared claimed was awesome, and it really was. It had been nice to spend a night out with Jared, their first official date (apparently they did everything backwards), and it helped Jensen relax a little. Also, the things they have been doing in bed help a lot.<\/p> As Jensen walks home from work, he grins as he remembers those intimate moments he had with Jared in the past weeks, after the first time they both started getting more comfortable with each other and their performances have been improving a lot. Jensen is beat after a long day at the coffee shop, apparently the whole campus decided they needed <\/em>to stop by today, but everyone survived. Half an hour before clocking out, Jensen had received a text from Jared saying he was stopping by Pizza Hut and getting them dinner on his way home. Jensen’s mouth salivates as he thinks about Jared and pizza waiting for him at home.<\/p> When Jensen arrives home though, all the lights are out and that is weird. Jared always makes it home before him. As he unlocks the door and gets into their empty apartment, an uneasy feeling creeps up inside him. Surely there is a logical explanation, something must have held Jared back at the clinic, or the wait is too long at Pizza Hut. He sends a text to Jared, asking how long he’ll take to get home, but there’s no answer. Jensen is too impatient, so he calls his boyfriend after a few minutes, but it goes straight to voicemail. That is even more weird, since Jared doesn’t have an habit of turning his phone off.<\/p> Jensen starts to freak out, the uneasiness only growing more and more, so he calls Chris.<\/p> “Hey Jenny, what’s up?” Chris picks up after the third ring and Jensen ignores the nickname for now.<\/p> “Hey dude, how are you?” Jensen tries to sound cool, not letting the worry in his voice show. “Are you at the clinic? Can I talk to Jared?”<\/p> “Jared? I am at the clinic dude, just finishing up some papers before I go, but Jared left about an hour ago, as usual. Thought he’d be home by now.”<\/p> Jensen quickly thanks his friend and hangs up, by now he’s freaking out full force. He looks out the window, to both sides of the street, but Jared isn’t anywhere. He tries his phone a few more times, but it’s still turned off. Maybe his battery died and he’s waiting for the pizza, worried for not being able to warn Jensen. That has to be it.<\/p> Jensen runs to Pizza Hut, Jared has to be there, it’s the only explanation. Jensen hastily opens the door, scanning the restaurant, but his boyfriend is nowhere to be seen. He approaches the counter and asks the lady at the register if she has seen a guy with Jared’s description, but she tells him nobody looking like that came by in the past hour. Jensen walks out and he feels he’s on the verge of having a panic attack. Jared had told him a little over one hour ago that he’d pick up pizza for them and head straight home, and that he would meet Jensen there, as usual.<\/p> Except he didn’t do any of those things and Jensen can’t get a hold of him. So where could he be?<\/p> Jensen’s last hope is Chad, maybe by some random miracle he had called Jared and convinced him to meet with him? It’s highly unlikely that Jared would do that without saying anything to Jensen, but at this point Jensen is too far gone to care. So he digs his phone out and after trying to unsuccessfully reach Jared again, he dials Chad’s number.<\/p> “Hey Jensen, what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Chad answers with a light tone in his voice, and Jensen braces himself before asking the question.<\/p> “Hey Chad…. ugh, I was wondering if maybe Jared is with you?” He tries to sound casual, but fails miserably.<\/p> “No, dude… I haven’t talked to Jaybird in a couple days, I’m just here hanging with Soph… why? What’s going on?”<\/p> Chad’s voice becomes more sober and Jensen realizes he needs to be honest with Jared’s best friend. He takes a deep breath before voicing it for the first time, his voice wavering as he pinches the bridge of his nose.<\/p> “Chad… Jared is gone.” <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/10144.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/9734.html","pubDate":"Tue, 31 May 2016 00:38:20 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 15\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/9734.html","description":" <\/p> It’s Saturday morning and Jared and Jensen are cleaning the apartment. Jensen insisted they cleaned it because according to him, the place is becoming a dangerous place to live. Jared complained at first, but when Jensen had asked when was the last time Chad and him had really cleaned the place, Jared didn't have a good answer.<\/p> Jared is busy vacuuming the living room, while Jensen cleans up the kitchen, when the doorbell rings. Jared turns off the vacuum cleaner and wipes his hands on his shorts, heading to the door. When he opens it and see who’s at their doorstep, his heart stops for a few moments.<\/p> “Mom? Dad? Meg?” Jared’s eyes are almost popping out of their sockets, his mouth goes instantly dry from the sight of his family in front of him. Shit<\/em>.<\/p> “Hey J.T.! How are you baby?” Jared’s mom steps inside and throws her arms around a perplexed Jared, and he awkwardly pats her back in return.<\/p> “What are you doing here?” He asks, after giving his father and sister quick hugs as well.<\/p> His mother gasps. “Well, since you didn’t come home for the holidays, we had to come see for ourselves how you’re getting along.”<\/p> The three of them push inside the apartment without Jared welcoming them in, and he’s getting more desperate by the second. “But... you should have called first, I…”<\/p> “Jay, who’s at the door... oh.” Jensen comes in the living room and when he sees the three people, he instantly knows who they are since Jared had shown him pictures of his family.<\/p> Sherri looks from Jensen to Jared with a deep frown, obviously wondering why an unfamiliar guy is in Jared’s apartment with only his shorts and an old tee on.<\/p> “J.T., who is this? Where’s Chad?”<\/p> Jared steps away from his mother and pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He has a decision to make, and he needs to make it fast. He opens his eyes and looks from his family to Jensen, and he knows he only has one option.<\/p> “Jay, I can leave if you want…” Jensen starts in a small voice, clearly at a loss of what to do, but Jared holds up a finger.<\/p> “No.” With a quick glance to his family, Jared walks towards Jensen, gathering up all the courage he doesn’t really have and grabs Jensen’s hand, looking up at his family.<\/p> “This is Jensen. He’s my boyfriend.”<\/p> The room falls silent, three breaths are held at the same time and three pairs of eyes stare at them in shock. As Jared waits for someone to say something, Jensen squeezes his hand tighter, giving him comfort and Jared is so grateful for that.<\/p> Jared’s father is the first one to find his voice. “Jared Tristan, stop with the jokes.”<\/p> For the first time, Jared doesn’t feel intimidated as he raises an eyebrow at his father. “I’ve never been more serious in my life.” He deliberately laces his fingers with Jensen’s, making sure his whole family sees the gesture. “This is Jensen Ackles. He’s my boyfriend. And he lives here, with me.”<\/p> “NO, JARED!” This time it’s his mother who steps forward, pointing a finger at him. “You promised me you would never mention this again! I told you it was only a phase!”<\/p> Gerry turns towards Sherri, anger and shock on his reddening face. “You knew about this?” He says in a low whisper.<\/p> Before his mother can answer, Jensen tugs at Jared’s hand, turns to him and says in a quiet voice. “Jay, I think I’ll go to the bedroom. You guys need to talk about this alone.” Jared starts to protest, but Jensen holds up a hand to him. “No, Jay. It’s your family, and you need to do this. If you need me, I’ll be right next door, okay?” He gives Jared’s hand a quick kiss and walks towards their bedroom, not sparing anyone a glance.<\/p> When the door closes behind Jensen, Sherri turns to Jared, a horrified expression on her face.<\/p> “Did that… man<\/em> say you two share a room?? I hope I misunderstood something here.”<\/p> Jared straightens up to his full height, he has decided he’s facing his family, and if they aren’t accepting his relationship with Jensen, it’s their problem.<\/p> “There are no misunderstandings here, mom. Jensen is my boyfriend and he lives with me. It’s only natural we share a room. I don’t see how you would expect anything else.”<\/p> As Sherri stares at him with her mouth agape, his father turns to her and repeats his question. “Did you. Know<\/em>. About this?”<\/p> Sherri slowly turns to Gerri, with fear in her eyes. “Jared came to me once.” She says, her voice barely a whisper. “He said he thought he liked a boy. I told him that it was a sin, it was wrong! I said it was only a phase, that he would meet a girl someday and get married. I asked him never to mention it again, specially to you, because I knew you would be mad at him for something so silly, and that it would pass.”<\/p> Jared feels tears burning behind his eyes, but he refuses to let them fall. He swallows them down and faces both his mom and dad. Megan is quietly sitting in the corner, clearly wanting out of the conversation, so he doesn’t acknowledge her. It’s the moment of truth.<\/p> “You know who that boy was mom? It was Jensen. I met Jensen when I was only eleven years old, and I fell in love with him. I didn’t understand what I was feeling back then, and I felt so lost. First, I asked Jeff, and then I asked you. Both of you told me I was a sinner, a freak<\/em>, that what I was feeling was wrong and that I would go to hell because of it. You told me it was a phase. Do you have a single clue how hard that was for me? To grow up thinking I was committing a sin, and having absolutely nobody to talk to? Because I was afraid if I came to anyone else with this, they’d say the same thing you did.”<\/p> Jared takes a breath.<\/p> “I felt so alone, all the time growing up. I knew I felt something, and that I had to deal with it all by myself. I had to sit at the table and listen to you people ramble on about how gay people were sinners and immoral. How they were on a much lower level than you, and do you have any clue how I felt listening to this? Knowing I was one of those people and that you would never accept me if you knew the truth? How I had to hide for all those years? Do you know why I decided to come to Dallas instead of staying in Austin? Because I wanted to get away from you. I couldn’t stand living in that house anymore, having to be someone I wasn’t.”<\/p> Jared looks at his parents and keeps talking.<\/p> “I came here and I still felt ashamed of being myself, until I found Jensen again. He showed me that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, that I can be myself, and I have finally found happiness in him. He’s my boyfriend, I’m the luckiest guy in the world to have him, and I will never<\/em> be ashamed or feel like a sinner ever again. I don’t care what you guys think, Jensen is it for me, whether you accept it or not.”<\/p> Jared finishes and lets out a deep breath, as his mom and dad take everything in.<\/p> “Have you lost your mind, Jared?” His mother begins after a while. “You’re choosing that man over us? That’s what you’re saying?”<\/p> Jared tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling, praying for patience.<\/p> “God, are you listening to yourself, mom? First, that man<\/em> has a name, and it’s Jensen. And second, I’m not choosing anyone, you are the ones who think I need to choose in the first place. You think I’m a sinner and apparently you can’t accept my love for Jensen. That sucks, and I really wish you did. Because I don’t see how a love so strong and pure, something that makes me so happy, can be wrong. Apparently my brain doesn’t work like yours. If you accepted this, accepted me, then I wouldn’t have to choose anyone.”<\/p> Jared waits a beat, hoping he’s getting his point across.<\/p> “You can still be a part of my life, and we can all be a family. But the thing is, I will not give up on the love of my life only because you can’t accept it. It’s my life, not yours. It’s not your story to accept, it’s mine. I made peace with who I am a long time ago, and I wish you’d do the same. But by the look on your faces this is impossible, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Unfortunately, I can’t change your minds, and you definitely won’t change mine. If you don’t think you can have a gay son, then you are the ones choosing here. You can either accept to have a gay son, or no son at all. If your mind is made up then I’m sorry but the door is over there. I’m not gonna hide who I am anymore, I’ve done that enough already. You may have given birth to me mom… but Jensen gave me life.”<\/p> “This is wrong, Jared!” His mother says with tears in her eyes. “We are your family, we know what’s best for you! That’s because we love you, and God doesn’t approve, this<\/em>, this is…”<\/p> “Stop.” Jared holds up a hand and his voice leaves no room for arguing. “You only think you know what’s best for me, because you are too narrow-minded to see beyond that. And also, I don’t believe God hates me as much as you think. If He did, He wouldn’t have answered my prayers and brought Jensen back into my life again. You are my mom and dad and I will respect you, but I won’t do as you say. I have friends who truly accept and love me for who I am, they make me feel like family, way more than you.” Jared walks past them and opens the door wide. “If you have nothing else to say, then I think it’s time for you to go. We have no more to talk about, this is Jensen’s and my place now, and we don’t want people here who hate who we are. So please, just leave.”<\/p> Sherri looks at Jared with pleading eyes. “J.T. please… you don’t need to do this.”<\/p> Jared looks at some point behind her head. “Can you accept me with Jensen?”<\/p> Sherri doesn’t answer. Jared opens the door wider, and Gerry grabs his wife’s arm and takes her outside, yelling for Megan, who hasn’t said a single word, to follow. Before leaving, Megan gives Jared a look he can’t decipher, but he’s too out of it to care now. He slams the door behind his family and finally gives into the emotion and lets the tears fall freely. He leans with his back against the door and slowly slides down, sitting on the floor and hugging his knees close to his chest.<\/p> Jared buries his face in his arms and sobs, rocking back and forth, until he feels strong arms holding him tight. Jared lets Jensen hold him and pat his hair, whispering assurances in his ear. He doesn’t have a clue what Jensen is saying, but he needs to hear his voice. Jared slowly wraps his arms around Jensen, crying on his shoulder.<\/p> “Why can’t they accept who I am, Jen? I am not a sinner, but they think I am. Why can’t they see it??” Jared manages to get out between sobs.<\/p> Jensen breaks the hug just enough to look at Jared’s face, framing it with it with both hands. “They don’t know anything, Jay. They don’t understand how wrong they are. It was a shock to them, but I’m sure given time, they will see the light.”<\/p> “What if they don’t?” Jared asks in a broken voice.<\/p> “Then I’ll be your family. For as long as you’ll have me. And I am so fucking proud of you.”<\/p> Jared leans down and rests his head in Jensen’s lap, as his boyfriend caresses his hair and places a gentle kiss on his temple.<\/p> Jensen already is his family.<\/p> Next Wednesday night finds Jensen at the rehearsal with Chris and Steve, while Jared stays home alone. The last few days after the fight with his family haven’t been exactly easy, but he’s dealing with it. Jensen had taken care of Jared after they were gone, and Jared had asked if they could go to the bar with his friends, which Jensen promptly organized.<\/p> Jared had drank way more than he was used to that night and sadly told his friends what had happened. Chad wanted to drive to Austin right away and have a little chat with Jared’s folks. Everyone was really supportive, and for that Jared was deeply grateful. Jared ended up more than a little tipsy, and a drunk Jared was a touchy Jared, even more than usual. Jensen didn’t drink since he’s a recovering addict, so it was up to him to get Jared safely home. He had managed to do just that, but the second the door closed behind them, Jared was all over him and they ended up giving each other hand jobs and heavily making out on the couch until Jared passed out and Jensen had to drag him to bed.<\/p> Jared was left with a hangover the next day and still had a lot on his mind. A few days passed and he was still constantly stressing about the fallout with his family, and how he pretty much had no family anymore. His parents hated him, Megan didn’t say anything but he was positive she felt the same and her mother had probably told Jeff as well, and Jared was actually surprised his brother still hadn’t tried to called him just to tell him he’s a sinner.<\/p> But Jared is dealing with it. He tells himself over and over (and Jensen tells him too), that he’s not the one who’s wrong. What’s wrong is his family’s attitude towards him, their homophobic views, and they are the ones who have to change, not him.<\/p> And now Jensen is at his first rehearsal and Jared is alone. Jensen had invited him to go along, but Jared had refused. It was something special for Jensen himself, something for him to do with his buddies (or he at least hoped they would become that to Jensen), and besides, Jared wanted to be surprised at their first gig. “Raising Kane” is playing at Fitzsimons on Saturday night, and if all goes well at the rehearsal, Jensen will be singing a few songs with them. And Jared cannot wait for that, he is so excited.<\/p> He’s making something for dinner and is planning on watching Prison Break, when his phone beeps with a text message. He flips it open and is surprised to see it’s a message from Megan. Waiting to see a repetition of his folks’ words, Jared takes a breath and opens the message.<\/p> “Hey bro… look, I want you to know I don’t agree with mom and dad. You should love whoever it is you love and I want you to be happy. I still love you the same, kay?”<\/em><\/p> Jared reads the text about 10 times and he’s tearing up with relief. He can’t believe he has his sister on his side and she doesn’t hate him. It’s way more than he could ask for. So after finishing putting a quick dinner together, Jared grabs his plate and heads to the living room, sits on the couch with his food on his lap, and dials his sister’s number. They talk for hours, Megan asks Jared about Jensen and he tells her their story, making her very emotional hearing what they’ve went through. Jared also asks about her life and it’s good to hear her voice, and have her support. When he hangs up, Jared is feeling much lighter, at least he hasn’t lost his whole family. There’s still hope.<\/p> Saturday comes and with it, Jensen’s first gig with Raising Kane. He had come home after the rehearsal looking really happy and satisfied and Jared was beyond thrilled himself because of it. It was like Jensen had finally found his place. He had excitedly shared with Jared how great the rehearsal was and how cool Chris and Steve were, how the music came naturally when Jensen took over the mic.<\/p> When Jared wakes up on Saturday morning, Jensen is already up setting up breakfast and singing to himself, and Jared can’t help but grin. He can tell Jensen is anxious, he is too, but he knows his boyfriend will rock, literally. The main reason Jensen is making breakfast, is because Valentine’s Day was on Wednesday and they couldn’t celebrate, so they had decided to have their own celebration on Saturday. It is a special day for them, their first Valentine’s Day together, and Jared has his own ideas on how to make it unforgettable.<\/p> Jensen is off to Fitzsimons in the middle of the afternoon, since he’s supposed to go earlier to rehearse with the guys. Jared is only going in the evening with his friends, so he takes the afternoon to get supplies for the private celebration he plans on having with Jensen after the gig.<\/p> Jared heads to Fitzsimons early with Chad and Sophia, and manages to get the table closest to the stage, he really wants to be as close to Jensen as possible. Soon, Danni and Milo arrive and join them. Jared is feeling nervous on Jensen’s behalf, it was agreed with the band that he would come up to sing just a few songs, so he could feel the vibe of a real gig, and see how he feels about performing.<\/p> When Raising Kane finally come up on stage, it’s only Chris and Steve at first, and they sing a few songs before taking a break.<\/p> “Good evening, folks! Thanks for joining us this evening, and we have a surprise for you! Tonight we are introducing the new lead singer of our band. He’s our missing piece and I want everyone to give him a warm welcome. Put your hands together for Jensen Ackles!”<\/p> Jared shoots to his feet and claps and whistles as a shy Jensen walks on the stage. He looks scorching hot with the clothes Jared helped pick out. Worn, faded jeans that Jensen had owned for years - a designer couldn’t have done a better job with them - a simple white t-shirt with a black and blue plaid shirt on top of it, unbuttoned (since it’s too small for Jensen now that he’s gaining weight again) and with the sleeves rolled up. He has a brand new belt around his waist that Jared gave him for Valentine’s day, so he could wear it until Jared’s arms could take its place. His hair is spiked up with gel and his cheeks are pink because he’s nervous, and damn, he is so fucking hot. Jared is drooling as Jensen stands in front of the mic and says a quiet “hello”. Jensen’s gaze travels around the bar and finally stops on Jared, almost in front of him. Jared sends him a thumbs up with a goofy smile on his face, dimples popping, and Jensen visibly relaxes.<\/p> He quickly thanks the crowd, and the band, and gives Jared a smile and a wink. The boys start playing the first chords to Sweet Home Alabama<\/em> and a change starts in Jensen. His posture improves, he stands tall and confident as he grabs the mic and starts singing. Jared can’t take his eyes off of him as he sings one song after the other, and he knows for sure he’s not the only one hypnotized by Jensen. It’s like his boyfriend is at home, the words roll naturally from his tongue and Jensen looks powerful<\/em>.<\/p> When they sing their last song and start saying their goodbyes, everyone starts to protest and hoot, demanding more, and Jared is the one booing loudest. Jensen whispers something to Chris and Steve, and the boys start playing again. Jared recognizes Dream On, <\/em>and he feels his heart warm up when a blissful Jensen starts singing.<\/p> Every time that I look in the mirror<\/em> Jensen is pouring his whole heart into the song, and he makes eye contact with Jared often while he sings it, and Jared knows very well the meaning behind those words and why Jensen has chosen this song.<\/p> Yeah, I know nobody knows<\/em> By the time Jensen reaches the chorus everyone is standing up and singing with him, screaming in joy, the whole bar hypnotized by Jensen. Jared himself is transfixed, he always knew Jensen was awesome but this… he has no words to describe.<\/p> Sing with me, sing for the years<\/em> Dream on, dream on, dream on<\/em> The band leaves the stage to thunderous applause, Jared himself is clapping, stomping and yelling like a maniac. The gig is a tremendous success and Jared has no doubt in his mind that Jensen is now Raising Kane’s official lead singer and he’s so proud of him he could burst. About twenty minutes later, the boys join Jared and his friends at the table, and when Jensen arrives, Jared greets him with a long kiss on the lips and a tight hug. Jensen is vibrating with excitement and Jared shares his happiness.<\/p> They all spend a great night together celebrating the success of the gig, a lot of people come and talk to Jensen and the boys, and by the time they call it a night, Jared is feeling tired but deeply satisfied, and he can feel the same from Jensen. They walk back home holding hands and sharing looks and smiles, and Jared wishes the walk was shorter.<\/p> When they enter the apartment and Jensen closes the door behind them, Jared presses his boyfriend against it and frames his face with his big hands, staring into his eyes.<\/p> “God, I can’t say enough times how amazing you were, Jen! You were just perfect and you’re so talented, hot and oh so sexy.”<\/p> Jensen chuckles while placing his two hands on Jared’s hips. “So you think I’m sexy, huh?”<\/p> “Are you kidding? Everyone in that room had their eyes on you, but I feel sorry for them, you know why?” Jared leans over to plant a soft kiss on Jensen’s neck. “Because you get to go home with me.”<\/p> Jensen gives him the sexiest smile, as Jared saunters away from him heading towards the kitchen, where he takes a bottle of alcohol-free cider from the fridge and pours them two glasses, returning to where Jensen is waiting and handing him one.<\/p> “Here’s to your success and our first valentine’s day together. Here’s to more of them, for the rest of our lives.” Jared clinks his glass with Jensen’s and they both take a sip, never taking their eyes off each other. When they are finished, both men put down their empty glasses on the coffee table, and Jared takes Jensen by the hand, walking him to the bedroom and closing the door behind them.<\/p> Jared turns around to face Jensen. “I have a valentine’s day present for us.”<\/p> Jensen raises an eyebrow, and after placing a chaste kiss on Jensen’s lips, Jared walks to the nightstand, opening the drawer and taking out a small bottle of lube and a pack of condoms. He takes a deep breath and slowly turns around, showing the items to Jensen, feeling the blush on his cheeks as Jensen’s eyes widen.<\/p> “Jay, I…” Jensen starts, closing the distance between them and taking the items from Jared’s hands, looks up to face his boyfriend. “Are you sure about this? We can wait if you aren’t ready.”<\/p> Jared shakes his head. “I’ve thought a lot about this, and it’s time. You are the only person I’ve ever loved, and the only one I trust to do this with. The only person I want<\/em> to do this with. I know it sounds cheesy, but…” Jared looks down for a moment, before looking Jensen in the eyes again. “I want you to make love to me, Jen.” <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/9734.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jared\/jensen","fic: the love that remains","spn rpf","spn big bang 2016"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/9520.html","pubDate":"Sun, 29 May 2016 22:16:40 GMT","title":"The Love That Remains - Chapter 14\/22","author":"lullysg","link":"https:\/\/lullysg.livejournal.com\/9520.html","description":" <\/p> Jared helps Jensen get settled in the apartment. They put all of Jensen’s stuff in Jared’s bedroom, since it’s a silent agreement that they will be sharing a bedroom, there’s no way Jared would let Jensen sleep out of arm’s reach. Chad’s room can be used for guests.<\/p> Before Jared has time to think what they will be having for dinner, the doorbell rings. When Jared answers it, Chad is standing at the doorstep, a pizza box in one hand and his eyes pinched shut.<\/p> “Chad what is that? Open your damn eyes!” Jared says, chuckling.<\/p> “You guys aren’t naked, are you??” Chad asks with a frown.<\/p> Jared laughs and pulls his friend inside. “Come on in, you asshole!”<\/p> Chad opens his eyes and lets out a relieved breath. “Great. I was worried I’d be interrupting something. I thought I should be a good friend and provide the first dinner for the lovebirds in the house. Also, you still need to introduce me to Jensen, he needs to meet the more awesome roommate.”<\/p> “You wish. Thanks for dinner though.” Jared says while he takes the pizza from Chad and calls for Jensen, who is currently cleaning their bedroom, since according to him, it hasn’t seen a vacuum cleaner in a while.<\/p> When Jensen comes into the living room, he looks at Chad and sends Jared a questioning glance.<\/p> “Jen, this is Chad, my best friend and former roommate. He brought us pizza as a welcome present and wants to meet you.”<\/p> Jensen steps forward with a smile, and extends a hand that Chad promptly shakes. “Nice to meet you man! Thanks for, ya know… letting me move in here. It was very nice of you.”<\/p> Chad waves him off. “It’s alright, I’m with my girl so it’s not like I’m complaining.”<\/p> Jared comes back from the kitchen where he dropped the pizza box. “Chad was also at the camp with us. That’s where we met as well.”<\/p> Jensen looks at Chad with a frown. “Oh yeah… I remember now, the blonde kid who was always with Jared. It’s good to know you guys remained friends, I’m happy to see it. Are you joining us for dinner?”<\/p> Chad shakes his head. “Nah, I wouldn’t dream of getting in your way on your first night alone. Besides, Soph is waiting, I just dropped by on my way home from work, was curious to meet my boy’s man”. He looks intently at Jensen. “You should know I’m very protective.”<\/p> Jensen chuckles as he glances down, blushing. “I’ll do everything I can to make your friend happy.”<\/p> Chad nods, studying Jensen and apparently liking what he sees. “I’m sure you will. Okay, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone now. Enjoy the pizza, I put my best efforts into buying it!”<\/p> Jared closes the door behind Chad and gives Jensen an apologetic smile. “Sorry about Chad, he can be too much at times, but he’s a loyal friend.”<\/p> Jensen just shakes his head. “He is great and I like him already and it was very nice of him to bring us pizza. So, shall we eat? This smell is killing me!”<\/p> While they eat their pizza on the couch, they talk.<\/p> “So,” Jensen says, while chewing his pepperoni pizza. “Your family don’t know about you? They really don’t have a clue?”<\/p> “No. The only time I tried to tell my mom and brother, they freaked out. Said it was a sin, my mom told me it was a phase and I would get over it. And I should never tell my father anything. That’s why I wanted to get away, I couldn’t bear stay in a place where everyone hates a person like me. So I left, and ever since I came here, I only talk to them the necessary amount. This was the first Christmas I didn’t go back… not only did I not feel like seeing them, I wanted to spend more time with you. And I’m glad I don’t have to hide here anymore, I finally get to be who I am.”<\/p> Jensen smiles. “I’m so glad you decided to come here, so we could find each other. And I’m with you on that, no hiding.”<\/p> “What about your family, Jen? You don’t think about contacting them?”<\/p> “No.” Jensen simply states as he finishes his second slice of pizza. “They threw me out, I have nothing to do with them anymore. I miss my mom sometimes, I don’t think she hates me as much as my father does, but still… I’m good like this for now.”<\/p> When both of them are finished with dinner, Jensen takes their dishes and the pizza box to the kitchen. When he comes back, he turns off the light in the living room, leaving only the blue light from the TV, and sits pressed up against Jared on the couch.<\/p> Jared leans closer to Jensen, as the older man runs a finger lightly along his face and neck.<\/p> “Tell me Jay,” Jensen whispers against his ear. “Have you ever been with another man?”<\/p> Jared swallows hard, Jensen being this close to him can’t end good. “N-no… I’ve never… I only kissed girls and I hated it, but I c-couldn’t… only you.”<\/p> Jensen leans closer and places a small kiss behind Jared’s ear and trails down his neck and that sends shivers through Jared’s whole body. Jesus. Christ.<\/p> “So… you never went all the way with anyone?”<\/p> “No…” Jared blushes and tries to move away, but Jensen brings him even closer.<\/p> “I think this is so awesome, you know. Having you all to myself. Only mine, never anyone else’s.”<\/p> Jared nods, but can’t form any words as Jensen moves to kneel on the couch, straddling Jared’s legs and placing both hands on Jared’s face, kissing him fully on the lips. Jared puts both arms around Jensen and brings him closer, and as Jensen licks his lips, Jared opens up for him, their tongues passionately tangling. Jensen tastes like pizza, Coke and Jensen<\/em>, and God it’s inebriating. Jared feels his cock hardening, and before he can get embarrassed, he feels Jensen’s erection rubbing against his own and he has never felt so turned on in his life.<\/p> Jensen breaks the kiss only to remove Jared’s shirt, and Jared does the same. He admires Jensen’s body, running both hands down his chest and belly, and God Jensen is so fucking beautiful<\/em>. Jensen kisses his way down Jared’s chest and licks one nipple while massaging the other one with his thumb, making Jared see stars.<\/p> Jensen goes back to Jared’s mouth, and Jared grabs Jensen’s hips, bringing him down to grind their erections together through the fabric of their clothes. They gasp and moan into each other’s mouth. Jared is losing control as Jensen grabs his hair with both hands and tilts his head back, sucking on his neck and moving faster and faster. Jared can’t hold it back anymore as he comes hard inside his pants, chanting Jensen’s name, and the older man quickly follows him.<\/p> Jensen collapses against Jared’s body and both men stay like this, trying to regain their breath as they hold each other.<\/p> A long time passes before they finally move. Both men shuffle together to their room with their wet pants sticking to them, it feels gross, but they laugh and take turns in the bathroom for their nightly routine.. Jared knows he isn’t ready to go all the way yet, he wants to take it slow and he knows Jensen feels it too. This was just perfect, it was the first time he felt something like this, so powerful.<\/p> When they get into their bed, Jensen lies on his side and brings Jared close to him, his back against Jensen’s chest. Jensen places an arm around him, his hand close to Jared’s heart.<\/p> “Thank you.” Jared murmurs, knowing full well Jensen understand what he means.<\/p> Jensen places a light kiss on the back of Jared’s neck. “I love you.” He murmurs.<\/p> A silent tear escapes Jared’s eye after hearing that, and without finding the words, he places his own hand over Jensen’s, pressing them against his chest, so Jensen can feel how fast his heart is beating.<\/p> How it beats only for Jensen.<\/p> Things go smoothly over the next week. Jensen starts at the coffee shop two days after he leaves the clinic, and so far he’s loving it from what he tells Jared. Danneel is a good teacher and Jensen is slowly getting the hang of it. She still doesn’t know about them, but Jared plans on changing that soon.<\/p> Jared feels kinda bummed because there’s no Jensen at the clinic. He had gotten used to having him there and it just feels weird and empty without him. He tries his best not to show it, but he knows Chris feels it. The counselor asks more than once how Jensen is doing, and tells Jared he wants to have a word with him soon. After seeing Jared’s worried face, he tells him it’s no big deal and that he can talk to him later about certain things.<\/p> But coming home to Jensen is the new highlight of Jared’s day. They still haven’t gone past the heavy make out sessions, which is great for now. He’s happier than he has ever been, Jensen and him are slowly starting to build their life together and he couldn’t ask for more.<\/p> On Saturday, Chad calls Jared and tells him everyone is meeting up at Fitzsimons later, and Jensen and him are supposed to come. Jared is wary at first, but he figures it’s the perfect opportunity to come out to his friends and see their reaction. He asks Jensen if he’s okay with going to a bar, but his boyfriend brushes him off, saying that even though he’s not supposed to drink alcohol, his addiction was never that in the first place so he’s cool with it.<\/p> When they arrive at the bar, Jared is sweating, feeling nervous as hell with telling his friends the truth. Everyone is already there, Danneel, Milo, Chad and Soph (Sophia doesn’t know anything yet, Chad had told Jared it wasn’t his place to tell), and as they approach the table, Jensen apparently feels Jared’s distress as he quickly squeezes his hand in support, and Jared relaxes an inch.<\/p> When they finally stop at the table, everyone but Chad look at them questioningly, clueless to the fact Jared was bringing someone. He sees recognition in Sophia’s eyes, as she obviously knows who Jensen is, and looks at Jared waiting for an explanation. Danni of course knows who the man is as well, but as the rest of them she has no idea what he’s doing here.<\/p> “Hey guys…” Jared starts, clearing his throat. “As some of you know, this… is Jensen.”<\/p> Jensen gives everyone a shy smile, as Jared takes a deep breath and grabs Jensen’s hand.<\/p> “He’s… my boyfriend.” Everyone stares at them, and Jared hold his breath, waiting for the judgment. Hours seem to pass, as nobody says anything and Jensen holds Jared’s hand tighter.<\/p> Danneel is the first one to break the silence, as she jumps out of her chair. “Oh my God, I knew it! I had a sixth sense about you two, I’m so happy for you!”<\/p> She throws her arms around the two men and they hug her back. Like that, the mood lightens and everyone congratulates them, not once questioning Jared’s sexual preferences and welcoming Jensen with open arms, making room for them to sit side by side at their table and including Jensen in the conversation. It’s a great night and Jared couldn’t be more thankful for his friends. It’s the only family he needs, one that accepts him for what he is without any judgement.<\/p> A few days later, Chris asks Jared at work if it’s okay for Steve and him to come over so they can talk to Jensen. When Chris mentions Steve, Jared has a pretty good idea what the subject of the conversation is, and he could not be more on board with it. So he asks the guys for dinner, and calls Jensen to let him know they are coming over.<\/p> On his way home, Jared makes a stop at the grocery store to buy ingredients for pasta, and by the time he gets home, Jensen is already taking a shower. When Jared tells him about his cooking plans, Jensen asks if he can take over. He had already mentioned that he enjoyed cooking when he lived with his family and even with his aunt, and he misses it. Jensen had already made great sandwiches for both of them, so Jared knows he doesn’t suck entirely, therefore he allows Jensen to take care of dinner while he goes take a nice shower.<\/p> By the time the guys arrive, dinner is ready and smelling delicious, and Jensen has asked about 10 times already what Chris wants with him, but Jared won’t give anything away.<\/p> Dinner is a success, Jensen’s food is fantastic and now Jared is privy to one of his boyfriend’s hidden talents. He’s so making Jensen cook more often, from now on. Both Chris and Steve praise Jensen on his cooking, and he blushes deeply. They talk about food and other random stuff until it’s time for dessert - a couple Ben & Jerry’s tubs Jared bought - and then, finally Chris brings up the reason why they came.<\/p> “So Jensen,” Chris says while putting down his spoon. “I wanted to wait until you were no longer a patient to approach you with this. As you’re aware, Steve and I have a band, and we’ve been looking for a lead singer for a long time. I don’t mind doing the singing, but we want someone great, with a good presence and an amazing voice. After I saw you singing at the party, I thought you might be what we are looking for. And after you sang with us, I was totally convinced. So I want to ask you if you’d like to be a part of our band?”<\/p> Jensen stares at both men with his mouth agape. “W-what? You want me to sing with you? For real? But I’ve never… I’m not professional or anything, I…”<\/p> “Jensen, you are an amazing singer!” Steve is the one who interrupts him. “Chris and I agree on that, you fit with us perfectly when you sang at New Year’s Eve, and we’re positive you are what’s been missing in our band.”<\/p> “We just want you to come to a rehearsal with us, Jensen.” Chris adds. “Besides, we only play at bars and the occasional party, we’re not going on the road or anything, you don’t have to quit your day job, we both have ours as you know. What do you say?”<\/p> Jensen seems a bit taken aback and he looks at Jared, searching for his opinion and his boyfriend shrugs.<\/p> “I love your voice, Jen, and I enjoyed watching you with the guys. I agree that you are a perfect fit for their band and I’ll be your number one fan. I say, give it a try.”<\/p> Jensen stares at Jared for a while and finally nods, turning to face Chris and Steve. “Fine. I’ll give a try, I’ll go to a rehearsal.”<\/p> The three men cheer and Chris and Steve make arrangements for their first rehearsal with Jensen, scheduling it for the following week. Jared feels proud of Jensen and he’s 100% sure this is just what he needs.<\/p> Once the guys have left and Jared has cleaned the table, Jensen seems nervous about the band thing, so he approaches him from behind and puts his arms around him, kissing his neck.<\/p> “You’re gonna be awesome, you know.”<\/p> Jensen takes Jared’s hand and brings it to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “I just don’t want to let the guys down, you know.”<\/p> “You won’t.” Jared squeezes Jensen’s tighter before letting him go and heading to their room. “Wait here.”<\/p> Jared rummages inside his closet and finds his guitar. He brings it to the living room and offers it to Jensen. “Wanna practice a bit?”<\/p> Jensen looks from the guitar to Jared. “You play?”<\/p> Jared shrugs. “A little. Never had real lessons or anything. I found an old guitar in my brother’s closet after he left for college, and I wanted to learn. So I bought some magazines and watched a few video tutorials and I guess I’m okay. I really like playing though. I wanted to learn ever since I saw you playing at the camp.” Jared adds in a quiet voice.<\/p> Jensen studies Jared quietly,nods, and then leads him to the couch, where they sit down. “Why don’t you sing me something?”<\/p> Jared hesitates for a second. “I’m nowhere near as good as you.”<\/p> Jensen reaches up and tucks a strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear. “I bet you’re just perfect. And I’d love nothing more than to hear you sing to me.”<\/p> And how could Jared say no, when he has played for Jensen ever since the first song so many years ago? Every time he imagined this moment, and finally--it’s here. He hesitantly places the guitar on his lap. He chooses a song where the lyrics hold a lot of meaning to him. He has played for Jensen so many times in theory, but this is the first time he’s actually gonna play for him, <\/em>for real.<\/p> He looks into Jensen’s beautiful eyes the entire time, he wants him to understand how much he means the words that come out of his mouth, even though he wasn’t the one who wrote them. He can see tears welling up in Jensen’s eyes, and when he feels something salty on his lips, he knows he’s crying too.<\/p> Lying here with you<\/em> I could not ask for more than this time together<\/em>![\"thelove7.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7464\/7464_300.png\" "\\"thelove7.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p>
That color them wonderful<\/em>
Stop me and steal my breath<\/em>
And emeralds from mountains<\/em>
Thrust towards the sky<\/em>
Never revealing their depth<\/em><\/p>
Dress it up with the trappings of love<\/em>
I'll be captivated; I'll hang from your lips<\/em>
Instead of the gallows of heartache<\/em>
That hangs from above<\/em><\/p>
I'll be love's suicide<\/em>
I'll be better when I'm older<\/em>
I'll be the greatest fan of your life<\/em><\/p>
As we lie awake in my bed<\/em>
And you're my survival<\/em>
You're my living proof<\/em>
My love is alive and not dead<\/em><\/p>
Dress it up with the trappings of love<\/em>
I'll be captivated; I'll hang from your lips<\/em>
Instead of the gallows of heartache<\/em>
That hangs from above<\/em><\/p>
I fought my way back from the dead<\/em>
Tuned in, turned on<\/em>
Remembered the thing that you said<\/em><\/p><\/p><\/p>
That is my greatest gift. My biggest love, and finally not a secret anymore.<\/em>
My heart is forever yours.<\/em><\/p>
I'll love you for a thousand more.”<\/em><\/p>![\"thelove3.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7938\/7938_original.png\" "\\"thelove3.png\\"")
<\/p><\/a>![\"thelove6.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7219\/7219_300.png\" "\\"thelove6.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p><\/p>
The days were all so empty<\/em>
The nights would seem so long<\/em>
With you I see forever, oh so clearly<\/em>
I had never been in love before<\/em>
And I never felt this strong<\/em>
Our dreams are young and we both know,<\/em>
they'll take us where we want to go<\/em>
Hold me now, touch me now<\/em>
I don't want to live without you<\/em><\/p>
You ought to know by now how much I love you<\/em>
One thing you can be sure of<\/em>
I'll never ask for more than your love<\/em>
Nothing's gonna change my love for you<\/em>
You ought to know by now how much I love you<\/em>
The world may change our whole lives through<\/em>
But nothing's gonna change my love for you<\/em><\/p>
Our love will lead a way for us<\/em>
Like a guiding star<\/em>
I'll be there for you if you should need me<\/em>
You don't have to change a thing<\/em>
I love you just the way you are<\/em>
So come with me and share the view,<\/em>
I'll help you see forever too<\/em>
Hold me now, touch me now<\/em>
I don't want to live without you<\/em><\/p><\/p>![\"\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7042\/7042_300.png\")
<\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p>
Thanks for being my source of strength, <\/em>
my reason to wake up in the morning.<\/em>
Our love prevailed once again.<\/em><\/p>
Chapter 22<\/a><\/p><\/a>![\"thelove4.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/6810\/6810_300.png\" "\\"thelove4.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p>
Chapter 21<\/a><\/p><\/a>![\"thelove7.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7464\/7464_600.png\" "\\"thelove7.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p>
But you can't see his blood<\/em>
It's nothing but some feelings<\/em>
That this old dog kicked up<\/em>
It's been raining since you left me<\/em>
Now I'm drowning in the flood<\/em>
You see I've always been a fighter<\/em>
But without you I give up<\/em>
Now I can't sing a love song<\/em>
Like the way it's meant to be<\/em>
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore<\/em>
But baby that's just me<\/em>
And I will love you baby always<\/em>
And I'll be there forever and a day always<\/em>
I'll be there till the stars don't shine<\/em>
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme<\/em>
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind<\/em>
And I'll love you always<\/em><\/p>
Chapter 20<\/a><\/p><\/a>![\"thelove6.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7219\/7219_600.png\" "\\"thelove6.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p>
Chapter 19<\/a><\/p><\/a>![\"thelove4.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/6810\/6810_600.png\" "\\"thelove4.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p>
Chapter 18<\/a><\/p><\/a><\/p><\/p><\/p>
Chapter 17<\/a><\/p><\/a><\/p><\/p>
All these lines on my face getting clearer<\/em>
The past is gone<\/em>
It went by like dusk to dawn<\/em>
Isn't that the way<\/em>
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay<\/em><\/p>
Where it comes and where it goes<\/em>
I know it's everybody's sin<\/em>
You got to lose to know how to win<\/em>
Half my life's in books' written pages<\/em>
Live and learn from fools and from sages<\/em>
You know it's true<\/em>
All the things you do come back to you<\/em><\/p>
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears<\/em>
Sing with me, if it's just for today<\/em>
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away<\/em><\/p>
And dream until your dream comes true<\/em><\/p>
Chapter 16<\/a><\/p><\/a>![\"thelove5.png\"](\"https:\/\/ic.pics.livejournal.com\/lullysg\/71482734\/7042\/7042_600.png\" "\\"thelove5.png\\"")
<\/p><\/p><\/p><\/p>
Listening to the rain<\/em>
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face<\/em>
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive<\/em>
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life<\/em>
I found all I've waited for<\/em>
And I could not ask for more<\/em>
Looking in your eyes<\/em>
Seeing all I need<\/em>
Everything you are is everything to me<\/em>
These are the moments,I know heaven must exist<\/em>
These are the moments, I know all I need is this<\/em>
I have all I've waited for<\/em>
And I could not ask for more<\/em><\/p>
I could not ask for more than this time with you<\/em>