{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1","title":"Welcome to the Roadhouse","subtitle":"Buckle Up Tight!","author":{"name":"JOURNEY (in all caps)"},"link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"service.feed","type":"application\/x.atom+xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom","title":"Welcome to the Roadhouse"}}],"updated":"2016-03-26T02:13:15Z","entry":[{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:355105","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/355105.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=355105"}}],"title":"Ridiculously overdue...sorry","published":"2016-03-26T02:12:32Z","updated":"2016-03-26T02:12:32Z","content":"I honestly didn't notice how \"absent\" I have been lately until I got a couple of \"are you still around?\" messages. So I checked in here and wow...has it really been a year and a half since I last posted? Oy. That was definitely not intentional.

Obviously, a lot has happened with the passage of time. And every time I would think about posting again, I'd get overwhelmed. Where does one even begin when they've been gone so long? But the truth is, I've missed everyone online. I never really got into Twitter, so this was how I connected people. And not being active here, it's no wonder that lately I've been feeling horribly disconnected from everyone and everything. Sadly, I don't even know who is around anymore.

And now that I'm trying to post an update, I have no idea what to say or where to start. So I'll just leave it here, with no real update at all except saying that yes, I'm still around. I can't say I'll do better with updating, but I can say that I will try. I really miss having this outlet in my life. I miss writing. I miss art. I miss a lot of things. But who's to say I can't slowly reintroduce myself back into my fannish fun?

Anyway, hi. Anyone miss me? Anyone still around? Anything specific you want to know? I wouldn't mind having a starting point. :)"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:354919","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/354919.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=354919"}}],"title":"Big Bang 2014 : Art for Jared Padalecki and the Kinky College Adventure","published":"2014-06-13T13:49:18Z","updated":"2016-03-26T02:13:15Z","content":"Wow, it's been awhile, as always. For me, it's the same ole story. Just working a lot and then not spending as much time on the computer lately. But it's summer, and for me, the past summers have always equaled <\/a>spn_j2_bigbang<\/b><\/a><\/span> time! I think I've participated almost every year, if not all. Well, this year I almost didn't. I haven't been able to write a lot in a long time. And then I read the summaries and thought, maybe I'll do art. One summary definitely stood out and caught my attention. A \"Choose-Your-Own-Adventure\" Style story, or, in this case, a \"Choose-Your-Own-Porn.\" I was intrigued. And let me tell you, I thought it was a really fun read. So here's my art. Be sure to check out the story and tell <\/a>blackrabbit42<\/b><\/a><\/span> just how fabulous she really is.

Jared Padalecki and the Kinky College Adventure<\/a>





I'll be posting small versions that link to the bigger versions after work today.




"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:354612","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/354612.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=354612"}}],"title":"Veronica Mars - You Still Hold a Piece of my Heart","published":"2014-03-13T02:20:06Z","updated":"2014-03-13T02:20:06Z","content":"Ah, Veronica Mars. I knew you way back when...

So, who is going to see the Veronica Mars movie in theaters? Who has already seen it (premiers and such...)? I, myself, will be driving down to Denver tomorrow night after work to check out an advance showing. I have to admit, I'm a bit excited. I just rewatched the pilot episode and man, I did so love that show. Especially season one. Thinking about VM has reminded me why I love online fandom. Veronica Mars was a small show and honestly, not too many people I knew\/know in my everyday life have seen the show (or even heard of it). But online, I was able to connect with other fans who, like me, loved the show, wanted to talk about it, and were extremely passionate about sharing that love. Some were writers, some were artists, and some were just conversationalists. But we became a family of sorts. And many of those fan-friends are still in my life today. I may not talk to them often, or nearly as much as I would like to, but they are still around. And some of those friends have become so much more than just online friends. I recently described <\/a>__tiana__<\/b><\/a><\/span> as my \"friend-shaped soulmate\" and to think, we actually started talking in a group chat back in the VM days. Many of my VM friends have carried over to the SPN fandom and others have not. But I still think back on those days fondly. Anyway, just wanted to say yay VM. I'm proud to say I'm still a fan and yes, I supported the efforts to have this movie made. It's amazing what a few (give or take tens of thousands) fans can do."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:354494","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/354494.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=354494"}}],"title":"10 Years - Wow. And a Mix.","published":"2014-03-07T05:24:27Z","updated":"2014-03-07T05:26:20Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"mix"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"j2_everafter"}}],"content":"I don't really think I've ever noticed my LJ-versary before. But this year, not only did I notice, but it's a big one. 10 years on LJ. I hardly ever post anymore and I really miss it. I miss posting and I miss connecting with everyone. To celebrate, I decided to post a mix cd. I used to share music all the time and it's a bit depressing when I think about how little I have done so lately. I chose to share the mix I listened to when writing my last fic (which was posted almost a year ago, coincidentally). The fic is called \"I Found You in a Reflection\" and was written for the last <\/a>j2_everafter<\/b><\/a><\/span> challenge. It's based on the Disney movie (mostly the ride), The Haunted Mansion. So it's a pretty mellow, haunting soundtrack. Anyway, I wanted to share. And a mix wouldn't be complete without a cover, so it looks like I can say that I'm not only sharing music, which I haven't done in awhile, but I also made art, which I haven't done in awhile. :)

<\/center>

Title:<\/b> I Found You In a Reflection<\/a>
Author:<\/b> <\/a>lostt1<\/b><\/a>Download<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:354072","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/354072.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=354072"}}],"title":"So Ridiculously Overdue","published":"2014-01-17T04:32:05Z","updated":"2014-01-17T04:32:05Z","content":"Apparently I haven't posted anything since April. Whoops! To be honest, every time I think about updating, I get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of things to talk about. And then when I log in, everything flies out the window. So I figured I'd do myself a favor and just make a short list of things that have happened. I won't go into much detail because I don't know what you all want to hear about. But if you want more info\/pictures\/fangirling of any sort, let me know. I'll talk about anything, but I figure if there is one or two things you want to hear me go on and on about instead of a lot of rambling about everything, I'd rather focus on a few topics.

Where to begin?

<\/center>

1. I've lost a lot of weight. So in that pic, I was down about...40 pounds, I think. That was at my cousin's wedding in August. I've lost more since then, gained some (not a lot, but I chose not to follow any diet plan during the holidays), and now I'm back on track and losing again. It has been tough, but I'm really proud of my progress.

2. Madi, my niece, aka my favorite person ever. I've been lucky enough to go home three times this year (March for a friend's wedding, August for said cousin's wedding, and Christmas) and my entire family met up in Orlando for a week's vacation in October. So much fun. I'm so happy I was able to go because I wouldn't have wanted to miss Madi's first time in the ocean or meeting \"The Mouse.\" We really need to vacation together more often.

3. Mocha. My kitty. After getting allergy shots for more than a year and a half now, my doc finally said it would be ok to try to have a cat around again. I honestly wasn't wanting a kitten, but she is a flood rescue. I was going to get an older cat because kitten energy drives me crazy. She's a psychotic ball of fur and I love her, but I can't wait until she is not tearing up my home anymore.

4. Oh yeah, the flood. Friday the 13th. That sucked. It was devastating and the area is still recovering (I live in northern Colorado).

5. Tim Foust. The bass for Home Free, a country acapella group that won the most recent season of the Sing Off. I'm more than a little obsessed. The guy is incredible and has a 5-octave range. His low notes give me chills. He also reminds me of Jared Padalecki for several reasons. They were born the same day (and I'm fairly certain the same year, too), they are both Southern Texas boys, both are tall with long, luscious locks, sexy voices, etc. Guh. So much love. And he has a pretty fabulous sense of humor, too, from what I've seen in vids and the show and such. I really love Home Free a bunch, oddly enough. I've never been all \"country yay!\" but I have listened to it. And I can go on and on because this really is my topic of obsession of the moment. I absolutely love acapella music and these guys truly are amazing. LOVE. Here, have a vid of their performance of \"Ring of Fire.\"



6. I work a lot. I technically have 3 jobs. Full time job. Part-time food delivery job. And trying to build my business selling jewelry.

7. I missed Wincon in 2013 due to the family vacation in October and being in the middle of a major, major trial at work. But I have my ticket to Wincon 2014.

8. Writing. I have been struggling with it for the past few years, it seems. But I did manage to post fic for the last round of <\/a>j2_everafter<\/b><\/a><\/span>. And I snagged a prompt for the new round of <\/a>spn_meanttobe<\/b><\/a><\/span>. I'm considering Big Bang. But seriously, I just need to get over this stupid writer's block and just get back to it. I miss writing and I miss the conversations writing brought into my life.

9. Ok, there is probably a lot more. But if I think too hard about things, I may never post this. So I'll just post and move right along.

10. I just really miss posting here and interacting with everyone. So hi. Thanks for reading. And like I said, let me know if you want to know more about anything above (or anything else really). I can't promise I'll be posting with any sort of regularity, but I am going to try."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:353810","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/353810.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=353810"}}],"title":"Question for you dog owners","published":"2013-04-29T04:15:20Z","updated":"2013-04-29T04:15:20Z","content":"So I just have a quick question for those of you who have dogs and work full-time. Do you use a crate for your pup during the day? Do you hire someone to come let him\/her out during the day? Do you run home during a lunch break? I am asking because I will probably be adopting a 7 month maltipoo on Tuesday. She has been crate-trained and would spend time during the day in the crate, but the current owners were able to come home for a couple hours around lunch. I may be able to make that happen every once in awhile, but I can't do it every day. I'd love to hire someone, but also, that's not possible every day. I simply can't afford that. But I really want to make this work. And I know that this isn't a new issue and it's obviously one that several of you deal with every day. So....what do you do? Inquiring minds want to know! I need your advice!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:353588","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/353588.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=353588"}}],"title":"Fic: I Found You In A Reflection (J2, PG-13)","published":"2013-03-02T08:35:16Z","updated":"2014-03-07T05:16:11Z","content":"Title:<\/b> I Found You In a Reflection
Author:<\/b> <\/a>lostt1<\/b><\/a><\/a>j2_everafter<\/b><\/a><\/span> challenge, this fic is inspired by the movie The Haunted Mansion. Well, to be more accurate, it's based more on the ride the movie is based on and all of the stories cast members like to tell. I haven't written anything is so long, I have almost forgotten how. Here's hoping it doesn't completely suck. And I'm sure it needs massive editing, which will have to wait. I wanted to post before the deadline, so it is what it is right now.

<\/center>




\"Where the hell are you taking us, man?\" Chad grumbled, pushing another hanging branch out of the way.

\"Just a little bit further,\" Jared tossed a grin over his shoulder at his friend. \"Trust me.\"

Chad growled under his breath. \"And you know this how? You've never been out of Texas! We're here in the middle of fucking nowhere Louisiana. Face it man, there's nothing out here.\"

Jared paused, grin slipping. \"I just know.\" He shrugged his shoulders and kept going. The once-travelled road was little more than a dirt path, winding its way through the dark forest. \"I can't explain it. I just feel like I've been here before.\"

\"I think you've lost your fuckin - whoa!\" Chad nearly ran into the back of Jared, who had come to a dead halt in front of him. He peered around Jared, the taller man's body blocking his view. \"Is that it?\"

\"It has to be,\" Jared's eyes were wide as he stared at the scene in front of him. It was like something out of a horror movie. The house loomed in the distance, a dark skeleton against a deceptively blue sky. The exterior was run down and decrepit, the mansion having fallen into disrepair years ago. There were three stories and a cupola that towered above the tallest trees. The first two floors were surrounded by wrap-around porches, and there were four giant pillars framing the front entry-way. Jared could see the rusting lattice-work that outlined the porches. The building was obviously old, the Victorian influences of its structure obvious despite its age.

Chad let out a low whistle. \"Dude, I think this definitely qualifies as a haunted house. Out here, in the middle of nowhere, where no one can even hear you scream. Looks like no one has been here in years. How'd you even find out about this place?\"

\"My great-grandpa wrote about it in one of his letters. I think one of my ancestors worked here. Or something like that. Told me I should come here as soon as I was able. That it was my destiny or something like that.\" Jared reached out to touch the imposing iron gate, which swung open easily, despite the thick layer of rust covering each of the hinges. The resulting squeal of ancient metal disrupted the eerie silence.

\"Yeah, well, no offense man, but your grandpa was off his rocker.\" Chad cursed under his breath as he wiped away a stray cobweb that brushed across his face.

\"Great-grandpa,\" Jared distractedly corrected his friend. He glanced around before walking through the gate, heading down the overgrown path. Jared shivered, unable to shake the feeling that he was being watched. \"Probably just an animal,\" he muttered to himself.

\"Grandpa, great-grandpa, whatever,\" Chad shrugged as he followed after his friend. \"He was still crazy, man. Wasn't he dating that psychic? The one who was always spoutin' off about reincarnation and destiny and soulmates and shit? The one who was obsessed with you?\"

\"They weren't dating.\" Jared stopped and shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind. A gentle breeze began to blow, grazing his heated skin like a lover's touch, making him shiver.

\"This place is seriously-\" Chad stopped beside him, brow furrowing. \"You ok, man?\"

Jared exhaled slowly before moving forward again, his long legs eating the distance. \"I'm fine. It's just-\"

\"Just what?\" Chad hurried to catch up.

\"You don't feel it?\"

\"Feel what?!\"

\"The sadness?\" Jared knew he probably sounded crazy, but the atmosphere felt thicker, heavier with every step he made toward the crumbling mansion.

\"Sadness? No. I don't feel anything but creeped out.\" Chad looked over at Jared, eyebrow raised. \"You sure you're ok?\"

Jared shook his head. \"Nevermind, it's nothing.\" Even as he said the words, he knew he was lying. There was something in the house, something calling to him. What it was, though, he had no idea.

\"You sure it's safe to go inside?\" Chad looked at the dilapidated porch with a critical eye. \"I won't catch herpes or anything like that, will I?\"

\"Herpes?\" Jared snorted. \"If you catch herpes, it isn't from here. And I don't want to know where you catch it from, either.\"

\"Well, that one waitress back home, the one with the big-\"

\"I don't want to know!\" Jared punched Chad in the shoulder, shivering again, but for an entirely different reason. \"Gross, dude.\"

Chad cackled with glee. \"Dude, don't knock it unless you've tried it. You do know you don't have to hold onto that v-card with such a firm grip, right?\"

\"We just graduated, Chad,\" Jared reminded his friend. \"There is no rush.\"

\"Seriously, dude, we're traveling the country on this weird 'haunted houses across America' quest of yours. We'll just find you a nice girl-\"

Jared scrunched his nose.

\"Or boy-\" Chad amended.

Jared shook his head. \"It'll happen when it happens, man. I'm just-\"

\"Holding out for your mysterious soul mate?\"

Jared gave a helpless shrug. He knew Chad didn't understand but for as long as he could remember, he felt like there was someone out there for him, someone waiting for him to find him. As he got older, the ache for that missing person just grew deeper, the hole in his soul more and more painful with each passing year. Now that he was 18, he was done waiting. So he convinced Chad to go on this road trip, the final hoorah before heading off to college. And this home, this ancient mansion, was the first one on his list. He had been waiting for this day since his great-grandpa had first written about it.

Chad rolled his eyes. \"So we goin' in, or what?\"

Jared took a deep breath and stood up straight. \"We're goin' in.\" He gingerly placed his foot on the first step before slowly lifting up, placing more and more weight on the creaking wood. When it didn't collapse beneath him, he exhaled and began the slow ascent. With every tentative step, Jared breathed a bit easier.

Chad clomped up the steps behind him. \"What?\" he asked, noticing Jared's glare.

\"You mind being a little more careful?\" Jared growled. \"You don't know how sturdy anything is around here. And it's not like we can get reception out here to call an ambulance.\"

Chad frowned. \"I thought you said it's safe.\"

Jared shook his head. \"I said we'd probably<\/i> be safe. But it doesn't hurt to be careful, you moron.\" He lifted his hand toward the doorknob but before he could touch it, the door swung open.

\"Dude, is it supposed to do that?\"

Jared glanced at Chad, eyes wide. Then he rolled his eyes and gave himself a mental kick. \"Probably just the wind.\"

Chad frowned. \"What wind? It's hot as balls out here.\"

\"Wind, breeze...whatever. I'm going in.\" Jared stepped through the door. \"You're not scared, are you?\"

\"What!\" Chad huffed an annoyed breath. \"I'm not scared.\" To prove his point, he pushed past Jared and into the first room.

Jared shook his head, amused by his friend's \"bravery.\" His focus quickly shifted as he took in his new surroundings.

The first room appeared to be a foyer that lead to areas further in the home. The walls were framed in a dark wood from floor to ceiling. The wallpaper was faded and peeling off the walls. There were candelabras lining the walls and a large glass chandelier hung high above their heads, thick cobwebs covering its spokes.

A giant fireplace took up the right wall, standing several feet high and twice as wide. Jared ran his hand across the mantle. \"Holy shit.\"

\"I bet you can fit in that thing standing up,\" Chad told him.

Jared snorted. \"Don't think I'm going to try that, but you're probably right.\"

\"Looks like we weren't the only ones to find this place,\" Chad said, nodding toward a couple of abandoned spray paint cans in a nearby corner.

Jared noticed the half-completed graffiti tags on the wall and frowned. \"Doesn't look like they stayed long enough to finish the job.\"

\"Wonder why.\"

\"Don't know, man.\" Jared pointed in the direction of a hallway off to the left of the foyer. \"Let's start there.\"

Chad dragged his eyes away from the paint cans and frowned. \"You sure this is a good idea?\"

\"Why? You're not changing your mind, are you?\"

\"No,\" Chad shook his head. \"This place just...well, it's creepy.\"

Jared bit his lower lip and shrugged one shoulder. Despite the fact that the mansion was run down, dirty, and dusty after being uninhabited for years, there was something about it that felt almost like home.

As Jared wandered down the dim hallway, he wondered what had happened for this family to leave everything behind. The place looked like everyone had just picked up and walked away. Perhaps they expected to return but had a horrible accident before they could.

The hall was lined with pictures, old portraits of a family long gone. Jared took his time examining each one, fascinated by the evolution of technology evident with each new image. The first picture was actually a painting of a small family, a young couple and their young boy. The next couple were old photographs of another couple, one with three young children, a boy, a girl, and a little baby. Jared noticed the age progression of the children as the pictures continued. There were only a few photos, but it was easy to see that they were all of this little family. The final picture caught his attention, drawing him to a stop.

\"Jensen,\" he breathed out, his hand immediately reaching out to touch the black and white image on the wall.

\"Jensen?\" Chad squinted up at the photograph. \"Is there a name on that one?\"

Jared frowned and looked around, once again feeling like he was being watched. He shook his head and turned back to his friend. \"I don't know why I said that. Maybe my great-grandpa mentioned a Jensen in his letter or something.

He hadn't. Jared knew that because he and read each letter so many times he had them committed to memory. There was never any mention of Jensen. But Jared knew that the man in the picture was named Jensen. He was sure of it.

\"This place is so weird,\" Chad muttered, wandering off into a room on the left of the hall. \"Hey Jay, man, you gotta come see this.\"

\"What?\" Jared followed the sound of Chad's voice. He found himself in a library, bookcases running from wall-to-wall, each one piled high with books. \"Wow.\"

\"Oh god, you're getting a book boner, aren't you?\"

Jared rolled his eyes. \"Gross, dude.\"

\"Can't help if it's true.\" Chad picked up a marble bust, wiping away a thick layer of dust with his hand.

Jared approached the nearest bookcase, eyes scanning the titles. His eye caught on a couple of titles, classics like \"Great Expectations\" and \"Hunchback of Notre Dame.\" Jared let his fingers run across their spines, itching to pull them down and crack them open. He glanced around the room. He could happily immerse himself in the library for months, years even, and still not have a chance to read them all.

\"Jared-\"

\"What?\" The whispered name caught his attention but he didn't turn from the bookcase. He knelt down to get a better look at the title of a law book on a lower shelf.

\"What what?\" Chad tossed the bust in the air and fumbled with it on its return. \"Ow, fuck,\" he muttered as the bust fell against his foot.

\"You were going to say something-\" Jared prompted, looking over at his friend and rolling his eyes as he watched Chad struggle to set the bust back on the desk.

\"No I wasn't.\" Chad frowned.

\"You said my name.\"

\"No, I didn't.\" Chad disagreed.

\"Yes, you did.\" Jared knew what he had heard.

\"No, I di-what the fuck!\" Chad jumped back as a book fell off a shelf, landing open at Jared's feet. \"This place really is haunted!\"

Jared grabbed the book and stood up, argument already forgotten. \"What makes you say that?\"

Chad gave him a withering look. \"Did you not see that book fall off the shelf on its own?\"

Jared shook his head. \"You just dropped that heavy statue on the floor, you idiot. This book was probably sticking out and the vibrations just caused it to fall. It's not ghosts.\"

Chad stared at him, a look of disbelief on his face. \"I don't think so, man. That was just-\"

\"Did you actually look at all the books when you came in here?\" Jared interrupted.

Chad shook his head. \"Well, no, but-\"

\"But nothing.\" Jared turned the book over to scan the cover, looking for a title. Seeing none, he flipped it open. The yellowed pages were filled with faded blue ink, handwritten words covering their surface. \"It's not a ghost,\" he repeated, his attention already on the journal in his hands.

Chad, seeing Jared was distracted by the book, just snorted. \"Dude, whatever.\" He headed for the door. \"You can stay here in this creepy-ass mansion all by yourself if you want, but I'm out of here.\"

Jared sat down on the hardwood floor, paying no attention to the thick layers of dust covering the surface as he scanned the first page. \"You go on ahead. I'll catch up later.\"

Chad stopped, obviously surprised with Jared's response. \"Come on, man. Let's get out of here.\"

\"Seriously, go on without me,\" Jared glanced up at Chad and waved his hand toward the door. \"I'll be fine.\"

\"You could just take that with you,\" Chad pointed at the book in Jared's hands.

Jared shook his head. \"Nah. I don't know, just seems...wrong.\" He paused. \"Besides, I want to check out the upstairs before I leave.\"

Chad sighed, years of friendship telling him Jared wouldn't be budging anytime soon. \"Fine,\" he muttered. \"But don't stay too long. And if anything else falls off the shelves-\"

Jared smiled up at him from his place on the floor. \"I'll run out of here screaming like a little girl.\" He held up his hand, fingers fisted except the pinky. \"Pinky swear.\"

\"You are a girl,\" Chad snorted, punching Jared on the shoulder. He frowned. \"You sure you're good?\"

Jared's attention was already back on the book in his lap. \"Yeah, man, fine. Just go, will you?\"

\"Ok then. See ya later-\"

\"See ya-\" Jared distractedly replied as he struggled to read the words on the page. He was distantly aware of Chad leaving, but his focus never wavered. The book was obviously a diary, or journal, written decades ago. Some of the ink had faded so much over the years that it was illegible, but Jared could make out enough words to get a good understanding of the contents. He flipped the book open to the inside of the front cover. Written in the same blocky handwriting was a single name.

\"Alan Ackles.\" Jared whispered the name out loud to himself. He wondered what had happened to Alan, where he had gone, who was he. Was he one of the people in the portraits lining the hallway or was he someone else?

Jared turned to the first page and started to skim the words, hoping to learn something about the man who had possibly lived in this crumbling mansion, once upon a time.

Jared didn't know how much time had passed while he sat there, reading about Alan Ackles and his life. Alan had been born in this house, which had been built by his father as a port for his shipping business. Alan had gone to school in England, where he met his future wife, Donna. He and Donna moved back to Louisiana after he finished school and he took over his father's company, making a name for himself along with a small fortune. Alan and Donna longed for a family and eventually had three children, Josh, Mackenzie, and Jensen.

Jared paused and ran his finger across the first mention of \"Jensen.\" He thought about the portrait in the hallway, the one he was so mesmerized by earlier. The image of the young man with the full lips and piercing eyes was seared into his brain. \"Why do I know you?\" he muttered into the air before turning his focus back to the journal.

Alan and Donna led a charmed life with their three children before tragedy struck. While away on holiday, the children became ill with scarlet fever. Josh and Mackenzie died from the disease, leaving Jensen as the only heir. The entries became sporadic after that, each one filled with so much grief and pain, Jared felt guilty just reading them.

They're all gone. Everyone but my Jensen. And my time on this Earth is just about up. I just have one final wish before I go to join my beloved in Heaven. I wish to see my beautiful boy happy, to see him married with a chance at a future. I had been questioning whether this is what Jensen wishes for himself, but today he came to me and told me of his plans to marry Alona Tal. He has made me so happy. Tomorrow, we shall have a grand ball, the likes of which this house has not seen in too many years. Jensen will be given the chance to share his good fortune with all of our friends and then...then I can die a happy man.<\/i>

Jared flipped through the remaining pages, but they were all blank. He wondered what had happened after that. Did Jensen marry Alona? His chest ached with the thought. He shook his head and climbed to his feet, groaning as he stretched, muscles stiff from sitting on the floor for much too long. He glanced out the library's large window, noting the sun's position in the sky. He estimated it was mid-afternoon, giving him at least another hour before the sky grew too dark to allow him to do any more exploring.

Jared poked his head in a couple more doors before heading toward the stairs at the end of the hall.

The staircase winded its way along the back wall, its gentle curve leading up to the second floor. Jared began the slow ascent, his hand gripping the banister for added support. Halfway up, one of the steps groaned under his weight and he paused, sucking in a breath. Once he was certain the stairs weren't going to collapse beneath him, he exhaled and continued on his path.

The upstairs hall was dimly lit, thin bands of sunlight shining through open slits in the heavy drapes. Jared raised an eyebrow and shook his head at the various suits of armor that lined the wall. \"Rich people are fucking weird,\" he muttered to himself as he rushed past the silent figures.

Once again, Jared felt like he was being watched, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. He felt like there were eyes following his every move. He swallowed hard and tossed a suspicious glance at the nearest \"knight.\" When it remained completely still, staring straight ahead at nothing, Jared laughed. HIs nervous chuckle echoed in the quiet hallway.

\"Get a grip, Jared.\"

Jared checked the various doors scattered along the second floor, finding bedroom after bedroom and a single bathroom. Each room fascinated Jared, rich with history, frozen in time. The bathroom was obviously dated with a claw-foot tub along one wall and pedestal sink on the other.

As Jared continued his exploration of the upper floor, he noticed that the sun was starting to wane and the shadows were growing deeper. It would be dark before long but Jared wasn't ready to give up on his adventure just yet. He knew he hit the jackpot when he opened the last door and found another narrow staircase leading upwards.

He had found the attic. And attics were where secrets went to hide.

Once again, Jared climbed each step with caution. His heart nearly stopped when one board cracked beneath his shoe. He stumbled back, thankfully knocking into the wall instead of tumbling back down the way he had come.

Jared pressed his hand against the wall and took a steadying breath before moving on, skipping the broken step and quickly climbing to the top.

Jared noted that the attic was dustier than the rest of the house, if that was possible. Thick mazes of cobwebs strung from one corner to the next, making Jared shiver. The room was large, about half the size of the other floors. A ladder leaned against the back wall, leading up to a trap door. Cupola<\/i> Jared thought, remembering the single dome structure sitting atop the mansion.

He scanned the room, taking an informal inventory. A large trunk took up one corner and there were dozens of boxes strewn around the room. Most were sealed tightly shut, but a couple were open, their contents peeking over the tops. Jared smiled when he noticed the teddy bear stuffed in one box, it's fur dusty and eyes dull. He wondered whose it was, what stories it could tell.

The next open box was full of clothes and Jared pulled out the top item, shaking it out as he held it up. Dust swirled around him, making him sneeze and his eyes water. The dress looked like something out of a period movie. It was long, the train brushing the floor even when Jared held it up high. There was lace and beadwork, obviously hand stitched. It looked expensive and unlike anything he'd ever seen before.

Jared draped the gown across the top of another box and continued searching through the box of clothes, eager to see what else he would find. He pulled out dress after dress, each one more extravagant than the one before. Jared stared at the final gown and was overcome with an intense feeling of sadness. He let the soft white silk material fall from his fingers and stood up, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get away.

As he brushed his hands on his dirty jeans, Jared saw a flash of movement out of the corner of his eyes. Startled, he swung around, fearful of what he might find behind him.

He snorted when he saw his distorted reflection staring back at him from the ornate mirror in the corner. He shook his head, annoyed that he was letting his fear was get the best of him.

Jared moved towards the mirror, eager to check out his new find. The mirror was very large, standing nearly 7 feet tall. It was framed with a deep, dark wood. The image reflected was slightly distorted due to the warped surface. Jared snorted at he looked at himself. His hair was sticking up in places and he had a streak of dirt across the bridge of his nose. His clothes looked like he hadn't washed them in days. Frankly, he looked like a mess.

Jared reached up, running his hands through his hair, trying to tame the untamable. A slight movement just behind him caught his attention and he paused, his right hand curled over his ear. He took a deep breath and shook his head, sure his imagination was running away once more. But then he shifted slightly to the right and-

And saw another pair of wide, brown eyes staring back at him.

Jared stumbled backwards, a less-than-dignified scream on his lips. He felt his foot catch, the heavy fabric of one of the dresses he'd pulled from the box now tangled around his ankle. He jerked his body in the opposite direction, hoping to find his equilibrium once more.

Instead, he tumbled backwards through the window.

First came the sharp pain of glass slicing into his skin, then the moment of weightlessness before gravity kicked in.

And then everything went black.

*********************************

\"Jared! Can you hear me?\"

Jared groaned as he struggled to open his eyes. He could feel hands brush over his skin, movements quick and frantic. \"Wha-\"

\"Jared? You with me?\"

Jared's eyes opened and he squinted at the shadowy form above him. He blinked and the shadows took form. He stared up into striking green eyes.

Jared frowned as he watched the mouth move, the words escaping his attention. He reached up and pressed his fingers into the lips. \"Mmmm...soft-\"

The eyes crinkled in obvious amusement. \"Jay, can you sit up, buddy?\"

Strong hands grasped Jared under his arms and tugged him forward. Jared let his weight rest against the warm body next to him while he tried to gather himself together. He frowned when he realized he was leaning against a stranger. An oddly familiar stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. \"Do I know you?\"

The guy's smile faded. \"I guess not.\"

\"But you know my name?\"

The guy shrugged. \"Must've heard your friend say it.\"

\"I guess.\" Jared glanced around. \"Have you seen Chad? Did he come back?\"

\"No, he's not here.\" The guy looked off in the distance before shaking his head and returning his focus to Jared. \"How are you feeling? Can you stand up?\" He pulled himself to his feet and offered his hand to Jared.

Jared reached out and accepted the helping hand. He felt a shock go through his body when their palms met and he stared at the guy, eyes wide. \"What was that?\"

\"What was what?\" The guy frowned and Jared shook his head.

\"Nevermind. I guess I must've hit my head a little harder than I thought.\" He paused, confused. \"How did I hit my head?\"

The guy gave him a strange look. \"What do you remember?\"

Jared thought about it. \"I don't know, really. I was in the attic and then...I stumbled? Probably hit my head on the wall or something. I'm sort of a klutz.\"

Jared suddenly realized he wasn't in the attic anymore. He spun around but before he could figure out where he was, the stranger stepped closer, effectively distracting him.

\"Klutz, huh?\" he asked with a smile. He wrapped a warm hand around Jared's bicep and pulled him in the direction of the house. \"We should probably get you to safety, then.\"

Jared glanced at the porch and dug his heels into the ground, feeling uncertain.

The guy came to a halt and gave Jared a questioning look. \"What's wrong?\"

Jared titled his head to the side and stared at the house. \"I don't know, it's just-\" He paused, trying to find the right word. \"Different?\" He bit his lip as he analyzed the scene, trying to put his finger on what was off. He felt like something had changed, something major, he just didn't know what. \"You sure I don't know you?\"

The guy simply stood there, giving no answer to Jared's question. Jared climbed up onto the first step of the porch and stared down at the mysterious stranger. The guy was tall, just a little taller than Jared himself (though probably not for long, if the rate Jared was growing was anything to go by). His hair was light brown, almost blond. He had a strong jaw and piercing green eyes and-

\"You're Jensen!\"

The guy, Jensen, cocked his head to the side. \"I thought you said you didn't know me.\"

Jared shrugged. \"You're the guy from the picture.\" His eyes grew wide as realization hit him. \"Ohmygod, this place is actually haunted!\"

Jensen gave him a sad smile. \"Surprise.\" He climbed the steps to the porch and Jared trailed after him. \"How'd you figure it out?\" He opened the front door and allowed Jared to enter the foyer before him.

\"That picture, the house...\" Jared waved his hand through the air. \"Everything's old.\"

\"And what if the house belonged to my ancestor?\"

Jared shot a pointed look at Jensen's chest.

Jensen glanced down and snorted, as if noticing his clothing for the first time. The cotton pants, buttoned-up vest, and collared shirt didn't seem as dated as other things in the house, but they were obviously from a different time. He shrugged his shoulders, cheeks pink.

Jared grinned. \"Like I said...old.\" He looked around the foyer, taking in his surroundings, his grin fading. \"Except not...how'd that happen?\"

\"How'd what happen?\"

Jared reached out and ran his hand along the wall, feeling the wallpaper's rough texture beneath his fingers. The wallpaper was no longer faded, the greens and golds standing out in bright contrast. The entire room fresh, no longer covered in dust and cobwebs. The brass candelabras on the wall shone, as if recently polished and the glass chandelier sparkled above them.

\"Different-\" Jared breathed out. \"It's all new, but it was old before. Dirty, dusty, nothing like...\" He waved his hand at the room.

Jensen just shrugged, obviously unsure how to explain it. \"Do you want a tour?\"

\"I've already-\" Jared stopped himself, suddenly feeling like a creeper. He'd gone through Jensen's house, rifled through his things, without an invitation. Sure Jensen was...well, dead. But Jared still had manners. \"That would be great.\"

\"Great,\" Jensen repeated, his face morphing into an wide grin. \"Right this way.\"

Jensen took Jared around to the same rooms he had seen earlier on his own, but everything looked completely different. Shinier, newer, and definitely cleaner. Jensen entertained Jared with tales of his adventures growing up, told him about his brother, Josh, and sister, Mackenzie, and the trouble they always got into together.

Jared was so enthralled with Jensen's stories that he barely registered where they were before Jensen came to a halt. Jared glanced back down the upstairs hall before motioning toward the door. \"You going to show me the attic.\"

Jensen shook his head, a pained expression on his face. \"I don't go up there,\" he told Jared. \"Ever.\"

Just then, a loud crash of thunder rumbled in the distance. Jared jumped, unconsciously leaning closer to Jared. \"God I hate storms.\"

\"I know.\"

Jared tossed Jensen a confused look. He felt like he was missing something. There was something Jensen wasn't telling him, but he wasn't sure he had the right to question him about it. Yet. \"So where to now?\" he asked.

Jensen gave him a small smile, grateful for the change of subject. \"Let's head out to the porch, talk for a bit and watch the storm roll in.\"

Jared growled and Jensen laughed out loud. \"Don't worry, I'll protect you,\" he said, leaning in and whispering in Jared's ear. Jared shivered, nerves firing as Jensen's breath blew across his ear.

Jensen grabbed Jared's hand and pulled him into one of the bedrooms. Jared barely got a chance to check out the dark wood of the bed before he was pushed through another door and out onto the second story porch. Jensen nodded toward two chairs and they sat down.

The two of them sat in silence for awhile, content to watch the trees blow as the wind began to pick up, the storm getting closer. Another crash of thunder sounded and Jensen sighed.

\"After my brother and sister died, things changed a lot around here.\" Jensen paused, picking at a loose thread on his vest. \"My mom couldn't deal. She was just so sad all the time. And I was still pretty young. I didn't really understand what was going on. I just knew my siblings were gone and they weren't coming back and my mom...my mom became a living ghost.\"

Jared snorted and Jensen smirked. \"Yeah, I know. Ironic. She was like a ghost, I am<\/i> a ghost. But really, she just faded into the background. She got really involved in magic, always trying to find a way to bring them back. Nothing ever really came of it, but she was obsessed. I think she eventually died of a broken heart.\"

\"People don't actually die of broken hearts,\" Jared argued.

Jensen shot him an indecipherable look. \"You'd be surprised,\" he muttered. \"Anyway, Mom pretty much just existed those last few years before she died. And when she finally passed, my dad, well, I was all he had left. He never let me go anywhere so it was just us, out here in the middle of nowhere.\"

\"Sounds lonely.\" Jared stared at Jensen's profile as the other man stared off into the distance. He couldn't help but admire his strong jaw and pale skin. He wondered if Jensen had always been that pale or if it was because he's a ghost.

\"It was,\" Jensen agreed. \"At least it was at first. But I befriended this boy, our groundskeeper's son. He was my best friend. We did everything together. We spent hours searching the house for secret passages. He swore one day we'd find one, but we never did. Man, he got me in so much trouble. I remember this one time, we thought it would be really funny to dump water on the next person who came up to the door. So we stood on this porch with a bucket full of water from the river and just waited. It was nearly two hours later before we finally got our chance.\"

Jared grinned. \"What happened?\"

Jensen snorted. \"Well, the new pastor said some words I'm still not sure are appropriate to repeat.\"

Jared began laughing, head tossed back, and slapped his knee. \"Seriously? The pastor?\"

\"Unfortunately.\" Jensen grinned. \"I couldn't sit properly for a week after that. But J...well, let's just say that it wasn't the first time I got in trouble like that and it definitely wasn't the last, either.\"

\"What was he like? Your friend?\"

Jensen smiled wistfully and closed his eyes. \"He was so full of life. The happiest person I'd ever met. Big smile with dimples the size of craters. He was younger than I was. Growing up, he was this string-bean of a boy, rail thin and scrawny. Then he kept having these crazy growth spurts. He'd shoot up several inches at once and then he couldn't control his arms or legs. He was always running into things.\"

\"I know how that feels,\" Jared muttered. He shrugged when Jensen looked over at him, that strange look on his face once again. The storm had arrived and Jared listened to the sound of the rain bouncing off the roof above him as he waited for Jensen to continue.

Jensen sighed. \"He was just...he made me feel amazing, like I was invincible. I was his hero and he was my...\"

\"Your everything.\" Jared closed his eyes momentarily, an intense feeling of longing washing over him.

Jensen nodded. \"Yeah.\"

\"So what happened between you?\" Jared got a bad feeling when he glanced over and saw Jensen's pinched expression.

\"You have to understand, things were different back then.\" Jared nodded and Jensen continued. \"My dad decided I needed to be married. I kept putting it off, but then he got sick. Really sick. And I just wanted to make him happy. It had been so long since he had been truly happy and I knew I could do that for him. Or at least I thought I could.\"

\"Alona,\" Jared blurted out, remembering the journal.

Jensen shot him a startled glance. \"Yeah, Alona. Our fathers were business partners. She was a nice girl. Really sweet and I got along with her fine. We got engaged. My dad was so ecstatic. He immediately decided we should have a big party, to celebrate. My parents used to have all these huge parties and everyone who was anyone would be there, but after my siblings died...well, it had been a long time since we had celebrated anything. Jar...my friend was excited. He had never been to a party before. I meant to tell him about the engagement, but I kept putting it off.\"

Jared cringed, somehow knowing where this story was headed.

\"God, his face. When my father announced the engagement, he just...he closed up. That's the only way I can describe it. It was like he shut down. And then he took off running. It was storming that night and he was terrified of the lightning and thunder. I didn't want him alone in that, so I ran after him, but I was too late. He was gone.\"

Jared scooted his chair closer to Jensen, wanting to offer this ghost silent support. \"What happened then?\"

Jensen shrugged. \"He just...disappeared. He didn't even come back for his things. He was just gone.\"

Jared frowned. \"He just left everything?\" Jensen nodded, misery etched in every detail of his face. \"Something must've happened.\" Jared didn't know why, but he was sure he was right.

\"You think?\"

Jared gave an affirmative nod. \"I do.\"

\"I guess it doesn't really matter. It was all my fault.\"

\"No,\" Jared disagreed. \"You were being a good son. I'm sure your friend knew that. But...honestly, it sounds like he might've been in love with you. I know if it were me, I'd have to get away, too. If only for a little while.\"

\"I loved him, too.\"

Jared sighed, staring out at the trees in the distance. A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, making him cringe. Jared looked over at Jensen and wished he could wipe the pain away. But he had one last question. He needed to know. \"What happened to you?\"

Jensen's face immediately closed up, like he pushed his emotions behind a wall Jared couldn't reach. \"Come on, we need to hurry or we'll be late.\"

Jared frowned. \"Late for what?\"

********************************

\"Holy shit!\" Jared stared out at the mass of dancing ghosts, various couples twirling across the dance floor in the ballroom. \"This happens every night?\"

Jensen nodded. \"Every single night.\"

\"What is it?\"

Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. \"My curse.\" He opened his eyes and welcomed another couple as they drew near.

\"Congratulations, Jensen!\" The male ghost exclaimed, slapping Jensen on the back. Unlike Jensen, the new arrival was nearly translucent and floated across the floor. He appeared to be more like an echo of a former person than an actual solid being.

\"You and Alona will be so happy together,\" the female ghost added. Her voice was breathy and her body was barely more than a faint outline.

Jared shot Jensen a startled look. \"Is this your engagement party?\"

Jensen nodded, mouth pressed into a grim line. \"Like I said, it's my curse.\" He sighed. \"Worst night of my life and I get to relive it.\"

Jared wanted to reach out, wanted to wrap his arms around Jensen in a big hug. No one deserved this torture. And he could see from the look on Jensen's face that it was just that...torture.

Another ghost walked past the two of them, headed for the buffet table, and he tipped his hat in Jared's direction.

\"Why are they see-through?\" Jared wondered aloud.

Next to him, Jensen seemed to visibly shake himself out of the funk he'd sunk into. He shrugged one shoulder. \"The best I figure is that they aren't fully here, that the more solid a ghost is, the more that person meant to me.\"

Jared nodded. He supposed that made sense. About as much sense as anything else that had happened could make.

Jensen glanced over his shoulder before leaning in Jared's direction. \"Hey, I'll be right back, ok?\"

Jared nodded. He continued to watch the ghosts swirling around the ballroom floor. They were in the middle of performing a dance he was pretty sure he'd seen in one of his mom's movies before.

Three songs passed before Jared started to worry.

Where was Jensen?<\/i>

As he got closer to the hallway, Jared heard arguing. He recognized Jensen's voice, but the other, a female, was unknown. Jared followed the voices up the stairs to the second floor hallway. He could still hear the music, but it grew fainter and fainter with every step. As the music grew quieter, the angry whispers grew louder.

\"You have to tell him, Jensen!\"

\"I know!\" Jensen growled, voice getting louder. \"But how do I tell him that...\"

\"That I'm dead?\" Jared interrupted, walking up to the arguing...well, Jensen and a floating head. The person fighting with Jensen was little more than a bodiless head floating inside of a crystal ball. She had long, flowing blond hair that billowed around her head, as if she were swimming through water.

The arguing couple swung around to meet him, both of their eyes wide.

Jared shrugged. \"I am<\/i> dead, aren't I?\" He already knew the answer as he asked the question. It had been there in the back of his mind, nagging him since he had opened his eyes and seen Jensen hovering above him. He didn't actually remember falling, at least nothing beyond a faint recollection, and he hoped it stayed that way.

Jensen bit his lip and nodded. \"I'm sorry, Jared.\"

He looked down at his arms. \"Anyway, I'm mostly solid so I must be someone pretty important to you.\"

\"Mostly?\" Jensen grabbed Jared's arm and pulled it toward him, studying the new transparency of Jared's fingers with mounting horror. \"Oh god. I'm so sorry.\"

\"It's not your fault,\" Jared admitted. He wondered if he should be more upset about finding out he had died. He just felt numb.

\"Actually, I think it's my fault.\"

Jared turned to the floating head. \"How is it your fault?\"

The girl pouted. \"I'm pretty sure I startled you and then you fell out the window.\"

A memory hit him. \"I saw you in the mirror!\"

The girl nodded, a movement that looked rather strange on a person with no neck. \"Sorry?\"

\"Honestly, it probably would've happened anyway. I'm sort of a klutz.\" Jared offered her a smile. \"Forgive me if I'm being rude, but who are you?\"

The girl's eyes opened wide and she shared a look with Jensen. He gave her a small nod and she smiled. \"I'm Alona.\"

It was Jared's turn to be surprised. \"Alona? As in-\"

\"As in, the girl who gave up half her life for you so you two idiots could have a second chance!\"

\"You mean, as in the girl who messed with magic she didn't understand, screwed it up, and cursed us all!\" Jensen fired back.

\"He's here, isn't he? Jensen! This is your chance. Don't be a moron.\"

Jared watched the verbal volley between the two, struggling to understand.

\"I'm a moron? Well, you're a stupid witch! You made a mistake and now I'm forced to relive this awful night every night. And he's back, but he's fading away already! Haven't I suffered enough?\"

\"Suffered? Yes, I admit I screwed up the spell. But suffer? Don't you think I'm paying for it. I'm not dead! I'm not alive! I'm a half-life now, doomed to float around in this stupid ball for all of eternity. I gave half my life to bring him back! And you just have to get your act together before he fades away completely. You two can finally fix it so that you'll be together forever. The least you can do to thank me is-\"

At that moment, a loud crash of thunder sounded and Jared jumped, falling backwards into one of the suits of armor. \"See, like I told you, I'm such a-\"

\"Jay?\"

Jared ignored Jensen and turned to the wall. He ran his hand along the wallpaper. He glanced up at the candelabra directly above the knight and counted. \"Two to the right, seven down, and...\" He felt the slight recess in the wall and pushed.

A section of the wall behind the knight slid open. Jensen stared at him in disbelief. \"Jared, what-\"

Jared watched Jensen struggle to find the words for a bit before he took pity on him. \"It was me, wasn't it?\" At Jensen's questioning look, he continued. \"I'm the friend. The one who disappeared that night.\"

\"You know the answer to that.\"

Jared nodded. \"I do,\" he agreed. \"I remember everything.\" He motioned to the opening in the wall and entered the dark corridor that was previously hidden. He stumbled over some rocks before reaching out and holding onto the wall for support. He felt more than heard the other two follow along behind him.

Alona emitted a slight glow, lighting the passageway. \"You're better than any flashlight,\" Jared told her.

\"I try,\" she replied with a grin.

\"Jay?\" Jensen's voice cracked, emotion clear in the single word.

Jared glanced over his shoulder and gave Jensen a small smile. \"I was devastated that night. Your dad said you two were engaged and you never told me. I was completely blindsided and honestly, Jensen, it killed me. I was your best friend. Why didn't you tell me?\"

\"I couldn't\" Jensen croaked, shame and guilt oozing out of him.

Jared sighed. \"I know,\" he admitted. \"I know it now and I knew it then. But the announcement took me by surprise and I just had to get away, at least for a little while. So I ran. I had been planning to show you this passage after the party, but things didn't go exactly as planned.\"

\"Tell me about it,\" Jensen muttered. \"How'd you even find it? We looked for a secret passage all those years and never found anything.\"

Jared could feel his face begin to burn and was glad that the corridor was dark. \"I, um, fell into the wall. I think my elbow hit the button.\"

Jensen snorted. \"Of course.\"

They came to a fork in the hall and Jared pointed straight ahead. \"If you take that path, it'll lead you to the brick storage house down near the river. But I took this path,\" he said as he motioned to the right. They walked a few feet further before coming to a set of stairs. Jared climbed the stairs until he reached the underside of a trap door. He felt some resistance when he pushed but after taking a deep breath, he heaved and the door creaked open. Jared could hear the cardboard box that had been sitting in the attic on top of the door slide to the side.

\"This is where I ended up.\"

Jared pulled himself up into the attic, Alona floating right behind him. He looked down and saw the hesitation on Jensen's face. He glanced around the room, wondering what Jensen would have to be scared of, when he saw the look of sadness on Alona's face.

\"Jensen, how did you die?\" Jared asked, voice soft.

Jensen took a deep breath and pulled himself up into the room. He closed the trapdoor and crawled over to sit next to Jared. He tugged Jared's arm toward him and rubbed his thumb along the growing transparency, which now spread up to Jared's elbow. Jensen pointed toward the ceiling.

Jared frowned until he remembered the cupola. He looked at Jensen, eyes wide.

Jensen nodded. \"God, I loved you so much. I didn't realize just how much until you weren't there. I loved you and you were gone and I just couldn't cope. So yeah, Jay, I believe people can die of broken hearts.\"

Jared felt a tear slide down his cheek as he closed his eyes, imagining Jensen suffering so much he felt the only solution was to kill himself.

\"I have to know, Jay,\" Jensen leaned in closer. \"Why? Why did you leave me? Why didn't you give me a chance to explain?\"

Jared sighed and reached out, his thumb tracing a path along Jensen's throat, picturing the rough rope cutting into the delicate skin as he hung from the rafters. He shuddered and pulled himself to his feet. He held out a hand to Jensen. When Jensen grabbed onto him, he felt the familiar zing of electricity pass between them.

Silently, Jared led Jensen over to the corner where the large trunk lay. \"I never left you,\" he whispered, leaning closer until his lips brushed against Jensen's. \"I promise, I never left.\"

Jared pulled back and flipped the lock up before opening the lid of the trunk. Jensen stared down at the decaying skeleton inside, horrified.

\"It was an accident. It was storming and there was thunder and...well, you know I'm clumsy. \" Jared waved a hand toward the trunk. \"I would've watched you marry her.\" He gave a helpless shrug.

Jensen surged forward, crashing their lips together as he framed Jared's face with his hands, his index fingers brushing the sensitive spot just under his ears. \"You never left me,\" he stated as he pulled back, tears pooling in his eyes.

\"I never left you,\" Jared affirmed.

Jensen placed a kiss on Jared's forehead before pulling him in, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. \"I love you, Jay. You know that, right?\"

\"I do,\" Jared admitted, burying his face in Jensen's neck. The intense longing and sadness that he had been feeling for so long was finally gone. \"I love you, too.\"

\"Hallelujah!\"

Jared and Jensen jumped back and stared at Alona, who was floating nearby. She grinned at them. The crystal ball rotated, allowing Alona to tilt her head toward Jared's arms.

Jensen grabbed Jared's arm and ran his fingers across the solid flesh.

\"And the truth shall set you free!\" Alona giggled.

\"Seriously!?\" Jensen glared at her. \"Those were your magic words for the cure?\"

\"What?\" Alona frowned. \"Were you expecting something like Abracadabra?\"

Jared snorted and grabbed Jensen's hand, twining their fingers together. \"Thank you, Alona.\"

\"See, at least someone appreciates me.\"

Jensen groaned. \"If you're just going to whine, I'm going to have to shove your head in one of these boxes for a couple of decades.\"

\"Now, now, Jensen,\" Alona said, floating back a few feet. \"If you aren't nice, then I won't tell you about the second spell.\"

\"What second spell?\"

Alona looked at their joined hands and smiled. \"Trust me, I think you're going to like this one.\""},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:353501","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/353501.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=353501"}}],"title":"Oy to the Vey","published":"2013-01-25T02:41:52Z","updated":"2013-01-25T02:41:52Z","content":"Ok, time to post again. It's been way too long.

A lot has been going on with me. Went to <\/a>wincon<\/b><\/a><\/span> and had a blast, like always. Ended up quitting Macy's as soon as I returned. Basically, I got penalized for going on vacation, even though I had told them months in advance. In the end, I just wasn't making very much money there and the stress was too great. So it had to go buh-bye. And now I've moved on. I have actually become an independent distributor for Premier Designs jewelry. And let me tell you, I'm loving it. It is direct sales, home show based, but it makes me really happy. I pretty much still have my training wheels on, but I'm off to a good start. Fact is, I enjoy it because I am getting paid to play with jewelry and hang out with a bunch of women having a good time. Exact opposite of my full-time job. I mean, who is happy to be at court? It's nice to have the balance. And my jewelry box is becoming more and more awesome every day.

What else? I had a great holiday home with my family. My niece is still one of my favorite people in the world. She just turned 2 on Monday and she's such a riot. We talk a lot on Facetime, so she knows me. She got so excited to see me when I got home. It was awesome. I can't wait to go home again. Lucky for me, it'll be pretty soon. I'm going home in March for a wedding. And thanks to Spring Break, I get to spend extra time home when I go. Yay!

Goals for the new year? I need to post more. I'm going to redo my bathroom. And write. I need to...keep writing. Yes folks, that's right. KEEP writing. I will be posting fic next month (Feb 26th, baby) for <\/a>j2_everafter<\/b><\/a><\/span>. I chose The Haunted Mansion and based my fic more on the ride (and the stories cast members pass down). I have most everything together for it, but I'm left with a dilemma. So now's your turn to help me out. How should it end? 'Magical Healing Ghost Cock' or 'Heck No! It's a Disney Movie<\/s> Ride!.' Thoughts?

Ok, I really do need to post more. But right now, I'm tired. And I have more work to do before I can crash. Miss you all!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:353229","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/353229.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=353229"}}],"title":"Oh Where Has the Time Gone?","published":"2012-11-20T04:53:25Z","updated":"2012-11-20T04:53:25Z","content":"So everyone at <\/a>wincon<\/b><\/a><\/span> who told me I haven't posted lately...no one told me I hadn't posted since July! WTF? I feel really out of touch with everything and everyone and I hate it. But will this be the real post I've been promising? Nope. I just had to share a song.

It's painfully obvious that I've been going through a horrible case of writers block. I have so many ideas but have been struggling with the words. I know if I can just get started on one of those ideas, I would be golden. So what do I do? I sign up for another challenge. <\/a>j2_everafter<\/b><\/a><\/span>, to be exact. I snagged 'The Haunted Mansion' because I have this idea that I really hope I can bring to life. It's based more on the stories behind the ride as told by my former castmembers than the movie, but it has a bit of the movie mixed in. Anyway, like always, I've been building my soundtrack. Now I want to share one of the songs I had to discard. It has the right emotion, but doesn't quite fit. But seriously, it makes me sob.

"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:352812","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/352812.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=352812"}}],"title":"Post 3 of 100: Love the song, love the dancing. ","published":"2012-07-22T19:03:14Z","updated":"2012-07-22T19:03:14Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"100 things"}},"content":"Like always, I need to post a real update. A lot has changed\/has been going on since I last posted. Including a new job (sort of - still at the same place), the fires, the shooting in Aurora, my trip home to visit family, upcoming Wincon, etc. But right now, I just wanted to post this video because it's my happy place at the moment.



I really need a dance icon or two. Hmmm..."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:352736","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/352736.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=352736"}}],"title":"Fire. Beautiful but Destructive.","published":"2012-06-12T05:33:22Z","updated":"2012-06-12T05:33:22Z","content":"

Looks pretty, doesn't it? This picture was taken by a friend and former co-worker of mine. Looking at it, I'd never know that it was a picture of the fire that is destroying so much of the state I now call home. She actually lives in a nearby town. I, however, have a much different perspective of this fire. I can't take these pretty pictures because I'm in the thick of the smoke. If you've seen anything about the High Park Fire in Colorado, you have an idea what I'm talking about.


So. On Saturday, I was working a shift at Macy's and I heard about a new fire. This is the third fire we've had in a very short period of time (a month or two at most). Well, it's definitely the worst. I don't actually work at the Macy's in Ft. Collins, so I wasn't fully aware of how big the fire grew and how fast until I started the drive home. The smoke cloud that filled the air was pretty astonishing. Huge, thick, and growing more and more the closer I got to home. The fire was started by lightening. It was only about 200 acres when I first heard about it. Two days later, it has grown to 41,000 acres and is 0% contained. It is the third largest fire in Colorado in decades. And it is less than 10 miles from my home.



This picture was taken from my complex. You can see the fire making its way down the side of the mountain. If I'm correct, the cute little cabin I lived in before buying my home has been evacuated. If not, most of the area around it has definitely been evacuated. It's just hard to say right now. Over 2000 notices have gone out and around 120 structures have gone up in smoke.

41,000 acres burning\/burned. Put into perspective, that's nearly 65 square miles. Boulder is 24 square miles while Denver is 44. This fire is bigger than the entire city of Denver. I have a hard time imagining that even though it's happening right outside more door.

Right now, it's pretty late at night. But you'd never know it from the noise I can hear from my condo. I can hear the helicopters flying overhead. And the cars. Man, my little section of town is usually really quiet. I'm on the far end of town, on the road closest to the mountains. There's usually very little traffic. But not tonight. Tonight there is a line of cars driving up and down the road, trying to find the best place to pull off to the side to see the orange-outlined mountains. People are lined up on the sidewalks. It looks like a crowd before a parade, lining up to get a spot along the road, hoping to see the floats as they pass by. It's creepy and it's fascinating, at the same time. It's like a car wreck. You can't help but look. It's beautiful, but oh so destructive.

As for me, I'm prepared. I honestly don't think it will reach the city limits, but it would be stupid of me to say it could never happen. I just think if it does get too close to the city, they'll try to focus all of their attention on preventing it from happening. But I have my important documents and an overnight bag packed, just in case. I'd rather be cautious than foolish. It would be cocky of me to say it won't happen. It's already happened to so many others. I'm also staying inside as much as possible. The smoke is hanging over the city and killing my lungs. I went to the doctor for a refill on my inhaler and ended up getting a second one while I was at it, just in case.

There are a lot of people displaced right now. Lots of animals, too. One couple had over 100 alpacas, and they are all being housed nearby. They have baby alpacas, too! Is it just me, or does anyone else automatically think of Logan Echolls every time they hear the word 'alpaca?'

Anyway, that's what is going on with me right now. I will leave you with this gorgeous picture of the smoke from Horsetooth Reservoir (where I used to live), taken and posted by a guy on Twitter.

<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:352441","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/352441.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=352441"}}],"title":"Music Request!","published":"2012-06-06T04:40:08Z","updated":"2012-06-06T04:40:08Z","content":"Big Bang tomorrow, baby! Yay, more to read! :)

Anyway, that's not the point of this post. This post is to ask for recs. I want your favorite dance music. New or old. Remixes, club music, just uptempo songs that make you want to move...I want them all. It's for a fic, I need more inspiration. So if you have 'em, send 'em my way!

♥"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:352147","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/352147.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=352147"}}],"title":"I really should post more than once a month","published":"2012-06-04T05:02:19Z","updated":"2012-06-04T05:02:19Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"100 things"}},"content":"Oh surprise, surprise, it's been awhile since I posted. Seems to be a pattern with me nowadays. Like always, I have a lot to say but it's late, so I probably won't say as much as I want to. But I'm going to try.


So it turns out I'm pretty much allergic to life. No, seriously, that's how it feels. In April, I did the full spectrum of allergy testing. First, I had the airborne testing done over two weeks. Wow. There are a lot of things I'm allergic to. I have so many, I'm affected year round. Tree pollens, all molds, cats :(, dust, etc. It's a rather ridiculous list. I'm now getting two shots a week because the meds just weren't cutting it any more. I also had the full food workup done. And yeah, it was pretty much what I expected. I tested out a gluten-free diet for a couple of weeks and man, what a difference. Turns out I'm allergic to wheat. And my two worst intolerances: yeast (explains why alcohol and pizza affect me so much) and coffee (WHAT!). Ok, so I'm pretty much ignoring the coffee one for now. I just got the results a little over a week ago, so I haven't really made the switch in my diet yet. I had been playing with the gluten-free, but I didn't stick with it back then. Now I will be. The first step will be to go gluten-free and see if that takes care of the vertigo and migraine issues I've been having. If not, then I'll have to start cutting out some of the other things I tested positive for (eggs, milk, and quite a few other small things). I'm just going to focus on the big things right now. No more bread, pizza dough, cinnamon rolls, etc. because they have yeast. I gave up alcohol forever ago, so that's not an issue. At least I live where I do. We have 4 health food stores in town alone. They are opening 1 or 2 Trader Joe's in nearby cities. And most of the restaurants have gluten free options\/substitutions listed on their menus. It's becoming more and more common nowadays, so it's doable. Right now I'm just in the really overwhelmed stage. And add the mounting bills and the cut hours at work (hard to work a second job in retail when you can't move around without falling over), and it's all a bit much right now. Oh, and bonus side effect to the allergy shots is an increased resting heart rate. I'm a bit twitchy lately. Hopefully that will start to die down soon enough. But yeah, that's the health update for now. Tomorrow should be the first day officially gluten-free, so I'll try to update on how that's going later. Anyone out there gluten-free? Got any favorite food items\/recipes for me? Send 'em my way!
<\/a>


I'm going to keep this pretty short. I'm unhappy at work. Pretty miserable. I feel I'm not challenged at all and my weekdays drag on. So I'm trying to find something new. I've had a couple of interviews. One I didn't get and the other one, one I'd really love to get, was about a month ago and I haven't heard back. It's for the university, which is notoriously slow at making decisions, but I'm starting to think I didn't get it and they just didn't notify me. Oh well, if something is meant to be, it will happen. I'm just keeping my options open and applying for anything and everything that catches my interest. I need something new. I can't keep doing what I'm doing. It's not enough anymore.
<\/a>

Trip update: I'm going home at the end of the month. My niece is 16 months now and I can't wait to see her again. She has such a fun personality and the older she gets, the more she remembers me. :) Also, I've had to figure out ways to pinch pennies here and there (especially since my food budget has increased quite a bit), but I plan to go to Wincon this year. I missed last year and I already know that several of my nearest and dearest will be there this year, so it's just something I need to make happen. I miss everyone! Will you be at Wincon? Let me know! Even if you think I already know, remind me. Other than my roomies and Wendy (who I seriously need to smish a lot), I can never be 100% certain on anyone else.





I admit, I still watch American Idol. For the most part, it's just on in the background and I don't really pay attention. No matter how much I've liked certain finalists, I can't say I've liked any of the coronation songs before this one. This one, though, just does it for me. Very 'Mumford and Sons' vibe. I love the use of all the percussion and the lyrics, while not AMAZING, strike a chord with me. I honestly can't tell you how many times I've listened to this song. I just love it."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:351840","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/351840.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=351840"}}],"title":"Post 1 of 100: 100 Songs that made me hit the repeat button","published":"2012-04-23T05:25:54Z","updated":"2012-04-23T05:25:54Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"100 things"}},"content":"It's been forever, so I was going to post something of substance. But then it got late. :( Anyway, I have a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning so I'll have more to say after that.

I decided that I really miss posting. Whether it be anything of importance (even if only to me), personal, fandomy, whatever, I just miss posting. I miss having discussions with you all. So what better way to get back into the groove than do that 100 Things Blogging Challenge?<\/a>

I only pretended to think on what I should post about. This is me, so I'm going to post on music. Or, more specifically, \"100 Songs That Make Me Hit the Repeat Button.\" Some songs may be familiar, some not-so-much. Some songs may have been on one of my mixes before, others may surprise you. Because, let's face it, I don't always hit the repeat button because it's quality music. I mean, I did write a fic based on Jesse McCartney's music. :)

Song #1: Stateless - Bloodstream (Quartet Version)




I absolutely love it when I find new music through the television shows I watch. This one was used during The Vampire Diaries first season finale during a memorable scene. But I found myself paying more attention to the song playing in the background than to the characters and what they were saying\/doing. I immediately got online and found the song and purchased it.

While I love the version used on the show, this particular version gives me the chills. I'm not always the best at describing why I love certain songs. Sometimes it's the beat, sometimes it's the lyrics, other times it's the emotion the singer puts into the performance. Sometimes it's all of the above. In this case, it's the haunting melody and the lyrics. As I said, it gives me the chills. I love this song so much, it's being featured prominently in my next fic. Whenever that will be.

Words can relay nice, they can cut you open
And the silence surrounds you, and haunts you

I think I might've inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You've gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you floating in me<\/i>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:351602","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/351602.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=351602"}}],"title":"Vertigo Sucks, FYI","published":"2012-03-14T04:37:58Z","updated":"2012-03-14T04:37:58Z","content":"Oy. Where do I even begin? Apologies for not posting much lately? Well, I am sorry. It's pretty much the same story as always. Mostly, I've been sick. Really sick. And it's forced me to make some pretty tough decisions. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but there is hope that things are going to change. I'm going to put the details under the cut, though, so as not to clog your list.


Ok, so I've mentioned before that I've been having issues with vertigo for the past couple of years. I've been dealing with it. Sometimes not very well, but I've been dealing. Unfortunately, it's been getting worse. I've been having major issues for several months now. To be honest, it's been so long now, that I don't know what it feels like to be healthy any more. It's making me an emotional wreck. I can't count the number of times my boss has nearly made me cry simply by making a statement that I normally would ignore but just can't anymore. It's making life at work even harder than normal. I'm already bored to tears, but now I feel unappreciated, too. Anyway, moving on.

I've already talked about going to the doctor and having a bad reaction to the meds. I went to the doctor after suffering horribly from vertigo for months. I thought that maybe it was due to the crazy weather changes, the heavy winds, something like that. There is no cure for vertigo\/Meniere's. You just treat the symptoms and I haven't been having any luck. I've been so dizzy, I'm constantly nauseous. I have horrible headaches. It just sucks. The meds weren't helping and were, in fact, making it worse. The doctor then suggested that maybe allergies were making it worse. I didn't want to believe it, but I started paying attention. I'm allergic to cats even though I had a couple. I've been taking allergy meds daily, but they weren't helping any longer. I did absolutely everything I could, but I finally ended up making the hardest decision I ever had to make and gave my cats up to new homes. I didn't want to, and if it were just allergies, I never would have. But when I spent an entire night throwing after having Ollie lay on me for less than 20 minutes, I knew it wasn't fair to me or to the cats. It's been a week and a half and I miss my babies horribly. My problems haven't gone away, but they have gotten better.

Next step is to see another Ear Nose Throat doctor and get tested for the full spectrum of food allergies. The other night, I was talking to a newer friend of mine. I was actually really surprised to find out we had the same story. From the vertigo issues starting just after we turned 30, to the symptoms getting worse and worse, to the doctor prescribing meds that we had bad reactions to (the same meds even), to the hard decision of getting rid of beloved pets that were making it worse...our stories are nearly identical. She went to an ENT in town and he recommended getting tested for food allergies. She did the full spectrum, which is an out-of-pocket cost, but when she got her results back, that cost was worth it. Turns out she's allergic to a lot. She made the necessary changes a little over a month ago and she said the results were instantaneous. She hasn't had a single headache or vertigo spell. It turns out the allergies were also what was keeping her from losing weight (and she's a personal trainer) but she has lost nearly 20 pounds. They were also what made it hard for her to get pregnant. Now that's not an issue for me currently (but may be in the future), but the weight loss definitely is. I know I have allergies and I believe there is a good chance I have food allergies, too. So here's hoping I can get some answers. My appointment isn't for a couple of weeks, but I'm going to try to play with my diet a bit until then. If I have half the luck my friend did, it will be worth it.
<\/a>

Huh. I know I had more to say, but right now, I can't think of anything. The next couple of days are going to be ridiculously long. I'm still working on my fic and reading a lot. I'm trying to make some plans for future trips, including Wincon and a trip to Disney in November. And I've been trying to offer support to my sister, who is still dealing with custody issues. Other than that, there's not too much going on. So until next time, I'm just going to say goodnight for now."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:351356","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/351356.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=351356"}}],"title":"Unlocked","published":"2012-02-16T14:21:43Z","updated":"2012-02-16T14:21:43Z","content":"I keep forgetting to unlock the rest of my fic\/art\/mixes\/etc. Whoops! Actually, it's more that I just didn't have the time or was sick. I'm just being super careful about what I unlock due to personal reasons. And I'm trying to get a slightly better tagging system put together as I go. Anyway, I finally unlocked DJ!Verse fics. From To the Beat to the sequels to the EPs, they are all public once again. I should really reread those myself so I can refresh my memory. It's been a few years since I revisited those boys.

The fics can be found here<\/a>."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:351192","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/351192.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=351192"}}],"title":"Awww Shucks and Help me plan!","published":"2012-02-14T02:34:40Z","updated":"2012-02-14T02:34:40Z","content":"Awww, my profile is filled with pretty pink hearts! Thanks to everyone because man, I really needed the pick-me-up. See, last week after I posted (still yay for Tony Lucca), I managed to get the flu. Still ended up working (my hours and overtime), but I'm just now on the upswing. I couldn't talk for a few days and pretty much all of my free time from Wednesday until now was spent sleeping. Ugh. I really hate being sick.

But now I'm feeling better and I'm writing! Sort of. I'm doing a combo of writing and planning. But it's all good fun. I'm going to write one or two of the prompts for the Bottom!Jared<\/a> meme, simply because I want to get back into the swing of things and I can't think of a better way. And then it's on to the \"what once was my big bang but now can't be because it's a crossover.\" Anyway, I'm going to poll you all for some ideas\/help planning. But since it gives away the overall fic idea (though not many details at all, I promise), I'm putting it behind a cut. Don't click if you don't want to know.



Ok, when I said I was keeping it vague, I meant it. Basically, the fic is a crossover with So You Think You Can Dance. I can't use it as my Big Bang because I'm using some of the choreographers (and Cat) from the show. I guess I could always replace everyone, but I doubt I will.

Anyway, I made a soundtrack for this fic forever ago. I've added to it since then, but I have a pretty good idea what type of performances are done to which songs, who choreographs them, etc. But now I need dancers! I already have the main cast planned out (and I'm not giving any details), but I'd like to know who you would like to see. Which CW\/Real life person would you like to see in the fic? What style of dance does he\/she specialize in? Do you have a song in mind for him\/her? Let me know! Maybe I'll write them in. Otherwise I'm going to have to come up with a few original characters or do more searching to find the right people. Help me out, I'm begging you!

Ok, so one extremely vague detail: One of the performances is titled \"Devil's Orchestra.\" Has nothing to do with the actual song title, but it's something that got stuck in my mind, so now it's in."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:350847","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/350847.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=350847"}}],"title":"Yay for Tony Lucca! And other things.","published":"2012-02-06T05:59:11Z","updated":"2012-02-06T05:59:11Z","content":"I was eagerly awaiting the new season of The Voice. I really enjoyed it last time around and this time...well, I'm already sold. Tony Lucca, baby! I have been following his career since he first started on Mickey Mouse Club. He was always my favorite and I'm so excited to see him on the show, simply because it will get his name out there to even more people. I've posted several songs of his before as part of soundtracks and just as favorites, but here's a select few again. If you like bluesy, soulful singer-songwriters, check him out (think Ernie Halter, Will Hoge, Stephen Kellogg, etc).


01. I Can't Make You Love Me (cover)<\/a>
02. Catch Me (live ft. JC Chasez)<\/a>
03. Feels Like Love<\/a>
04. Honestly For You<\/a>
05. Shame<\/a>
06. Home for the Holidays<\/a> (ie my favorite holiday song)
07. Darlin' I<\/a>
08. Death of Me<\/a>
09. Maybe We<\/a>
10. Bad Guy<\/a>
11. Devil Town<\/a> (from the Friday Night Lights soundtrack)
12. The Weight (cover w\/ Jay Nash and Matt Duke)<\/a>
13. Broken Wagon (live)<\/a>
<\/a>

In other news, life has been kinda eh lately. I've been really, really sick. As many of you know, I started having issues with vertigo about a year and a half ago. For some reason, the past couple of months have been completely awful. It probably has a lot to do with the constant weather changes, which causes a change in the barometric pressure. Basically, I've been feeling like crap forever. It just wears me out so much. I can get through the day ok, but I'm constantly falling over, so I've had some pretty fantastic bruises. I get really bad headaches, my ear hurts a lot of the time, and my body has to work so much harder just to stay upright and balanced that I'm exhausted all of the time. By the time I get home from work, I'm barely able to watch a little bit of tv before crashing. The doctor put me on Prednisone to try to treat some of the symptoms (there is no cure for vertigo or Meniere's, which is what they believe I have). Anyone that's been on Prednisone before can tell you it's a pretty heavy duty steroid. I did ok for a few days, but then I had a really bad reaction to it. So I've spent the past few days getting over that. Fun times. But here's hoping things'll get better soon.

I haven't been able to write as much as I want to lately. I'm still trying to get back into it, it's just taking more time than I thought it would. It's frustrating. I have several completely plotted fics in my head, but I can't seem to get the words down onto paper. I just need to start with one or two small things first, to get back into the swing of things. Right now, I think it's just been so long that the mere idea of writing anything at all is overwhelming. But I need to start somewhere. Unfortunately, the fic I wanted to write for <\/a>spn_j2_bigbang<\/b><\/a><\/span> won't work. It's a crossover, which is against the rules. One of the other fics I'm plotting would work, but the crossover is first on my priority list. Mostly because I'm super-excited about it and have had the soundtrack pretty much completed for months now. Oy. I just need to start writing. Start small and all that. Just something.

Anyway, that's the state of me right now. Since I've been feeling crappy, I've watched a lot of tv. I'm currently in the middle of Season 2 of Greek and I'm enjoying it muchly. How about you all? What's new with you?"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:350497","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/350497.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=350497"}}],"title":"She Lives!","published":"2012-01-17T06:53:23Z","updated":"2012-01-17T06:53:23Z","content":"Wow, it's been awhile. And yes, I say that every time I post, it seems. That happens when I only post once a month. I've been meaning to post more, but it is pretty daunting when more and more time has gone by. This won't be very long, but at least it's something.

So, what's new with me? I've been keeping pretty busy. I've been working a lot and when I haven't been working, I've either been sleeping or working on various craft projects I've found via Pinterest (my latest addiction, totally my sisters' fault). Figured I've owned my home for nearly 2 years now, it's about time I make it more \"me.\" My mom bought me a sewing machine for Christmas, so I'm also trying to learn how to use it. I think I'm going to sign up for a class soon. Mom taught me a few basics, but I want to start making more things. I never learned when I was younger, so I'm doing it now.

I went home for the holidays. Got to spend nearly two weeks with my family and I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to leave them. It's never been that hard before. Maybe it's the fact that I got to spend so much time with my niece, who turns 1 next Saturday. Maybe it's that I realized how much I miss just calling up my sister and saying \"let's get some lunch.\" Maybe it's my current frustration\/annoyance with my job. I don't know. I just know it was really hard to come back and leave them behind.

As for fandom, I signed up for <\/a>spn_j2_bigbang<\/b><\/a><\/span>. I haven't written in FOREVER and the idea of writing again terrifies me. But I know what I'm writing. I have two charity fics that are seriously years overdue. I may try writing something small to get back into the swing of things (DJ!boys, anyone?). I was hoping to get some writing done while on vacation, but that didn't happen. When I say I spent a lot of time with my niece, I meant it. I tried to keep her occupied for awhile to give my sister a break. And she's adorable! So much personality in that tiny little body of hers. But anyway, yes, writing again. I will do it. I hope. Man, I really, really hope.

Cards went out late and they weren't nearly as good as previous years, but they did eventually go out. Hope they made them all to their destinations safely. Now I'm considering sending out Valentine's cards simply because I can. :)

So. What's new with all of you?"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:349619","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/349619.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=349619"}}],"title":"My Weekend in Bullet Points","published":"2011-09-26T04:22:56Z","updated":"2011-09-26T04:22:56Z","content":"+ BOYS!!! I won't get into details, but I will say that I loved it, Sam was GORGEOUS (like always), and I am so damn happy to have new BOYS on my screen again.

+ Going back to the basics in Weight Watchers this week really worked for me. I lost 5.6 lbs. Not sure how exactly, but I'm still proud.

+ I completed my first official 5k race in Estes Park on Saturday. I walked the entire thing because my knee was bothering me, but I finished. And it was a gorgeous day.

- Worked all day today.

- My throat is killing me. Hope I'm not coming down with something.


I didn't get as much done this weekend as I wanted, but I still think it was rather productive."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:349269","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/349269.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=349269"}}],"title":"lostt1 @ 2011-09-19T23:39:00","published":"2011-09-20T05:39:12Z","updated":"2011-09-20T05:39:12Z","content":"Ok, so I've only managed to reopen a few fics so far. I figured that while I'm at it, I might as well update the tags, which I've been meaning to do for a long time now. Anyway, there are a couple that are public again. If there are any particular fics you'd like me to make a priority to open first, let me know.

In other news, I celebrated my 1 year anniversary on Weight Watchers last Thursday. It kind of sucks that I've spent half of that time in limbo. Ever since March 31, I haven't really lost anything. I've gained a little since then, but only a couple of pounds. So I'm thrilled I've managed to maintain. But I decided to buckle down this week and treat it like the program is brand new. I've been slacking off on the little details and over time, those little details add up. Three days into my \"renewal\" and I'm doing pretty good. Here's hoping that Saturday shows a decent loss as a result of this refocusing effort.

Saturday should be fun. I'm going to join a friend and head up to Estes Park for a running event. I definitely won't be running, but I can handle walking. It's rather inexpensive, too. And it's in Estes, which is gorgeous. I get to head up there twice in the next few weeks. First for the run and then again later when <\/a>__tiana__<\/b><\/a><\/span> comes to visit! We're going to spend a night at the Stanley Hotel, just because we can, and then do the ghost tour there. I can't wait. Not only do I get to spend time with one of my very best friends, we get to spend time at a pretty historic location. It's going to be a blast!

Not much else is going on at the moment. I've been really, really busy with work. I'm so grateful I took Saturday off for the race. I've worked every day since the 6th and I really need some time for myself.

Anything new and exciting happen to any of you lately? Oh, and don't forget (as if you could), new BOYS this week!!! I've missed them more than I even realized."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:349084","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/349084.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=349084"}}],"title":"lostt1 @ 2011-09-13T23:02:00","published":"2011-09-14T05:02:18Z","updated":"2011-09-14T05:02:18Z","content":"Yay for new seasons and new shows. I love seeing my Tivo's \"to record\" list filling up with things I haven't seen yet. Watched Ringer tonight. I'm...well, I'm not ready to decide on this one yet. I love seeing Sarah Michelle Gellar on tv again. I'm intrigued enough to watch more. So more thoughts on that later.

New shows I'm going to try:
Ringer (9\/13) CW
Secret Circle (9\/15) CW
Revenge (9\/21) ABC
Hart of Dixie (9\/26) CW
Grimm (10\/21) NBC
Once Upon a Time (10\/23) ABC


Ok, two more things. For those of you who have noticed my journal has gone friends-only, I promise it's temporary. I plan to open up the fic\/art\/media posts again soon. I apologize, but I had to lock certain things up for personal reasons and locking the entire thing was the quickest and easiest route. But the fic will be public again soon. As soon as I have more than five minutes to dedicate to going through the posts and changing them individually.

In other news, I got my S6 dvds today! YAY BOYS! God, I miss having new eps. I didn't realize just how much I've been missing it until now."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:337807","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/337807.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=337807"}}],"title":"Fic: The Safety in Lying (Master Post)","published":"2010-06-30T05:25:58Z","updated":"2011-10-28T04:21:06Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"fic rating: nc17"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic pairing: j2"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic challenge: big bang"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic: safety in lying"}}],"content":"Fic title:<\/b> The Safety in Lying
Author name:<\/b> <\/a>lostt1<\/b><\/a><\/a>gwyntastic<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Genre:<\/b> RPS
Pairing:<\/b> Jared\/Jensen
Rating:<\/b> NC-17
Word count:<\/b> 26,498 words
Summary:<\/b> Take one spy with amnesia and mix in a few guys with guns, a man named Jensen who has some secrets of his own, and a lot of questions with no answers and what do you get? Jason's not sure but that's one answer he hopes to find. Loosely based on The Bourne Identity.
Disclaimer:<\/b> Not mine. Jared and Jensen belong to themselves. The Bourne Identity and all related to it are the creation of Robert Ludlum.
Notes:<\/b> For <\/a>spn_j2_bigbang<\/b><\/a><\/span> '10
Link to art:<\/b> here<\/a>

Part 1<\/a> | Part 2<\/a> | Part 3<\/a>






Download it!<\/a><\/center><\/center>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:332847","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/332847.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=332847"}}],"title":"Fic: Chasing Dreams, Counting Butterflies (J2, PG-13)","published":"2010-02-23T08:14:14Z","updated":"2011-09-20T04:57:31Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"fic: chasing dreams"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic pairing: j2"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic rating: pg13"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic challenge: everafter"}}],"content":"Title:<\/b> Chasing Dreams, Counting Butterflies
Author:<\/b> <\/a>lostt1<\/b><\/a><\/a>j2_everafter<\/b><\/a><\/span> challenge, this fic is inspired by the movie Enchanted. It was supposed to have art, but alas, it does not. I ran out of time thanks to a completely crazy whirlwind of real life happenings. This is not exactly the tale I meant to tell. It's a bit experimental in style, but not too much of a departure from my usual style.



Once upon a time, in a magical land known as Hollywood, there lived a prince named Jensen. Jensen was handsome and charming and well-loved by all his people. As Jensen grew older, he never lacked companionship, but his constant doubts about the motivations of others left him feeling lonely and jaded. At twenty-four years of age, Jensen was the most cynical man in all the land. He had lost his ability to hope, to wish for that one person in all the world destined to be his.

Prince Jensen did not believe in fairytales. He did not believe in destiny or fate. And he definitely did not believe in true love.

Luckily for Jensen, there was someone out there who did. He believed enough for the both of them. He knew that life was made up of a series of moments where anything could happen. One missed meeting, a change in plans and everything could change.

This is their story. These are their moments.

~*~

\"Oh hell no!\"

\"Come on, Jensen, live a little.\" Sophia wrapped her slender fingers around his wrist and tugged him forward through the door to the bar. \"Besides, you promised me.\"

\"That was before I knew you were going to drag me here,\" Jensen muttered, scanning their surroundings.

The Wishing Well was a popular place tucked away on the outskirts of town that catered to the city's young and fabulous. It was the exactly the type of place Jensen usually avoided.

Sophia pointed to a stool at the bar. \"Sit.\"

\"But it's pink,\" Jensen argued, giving the seat a horrified once over. \"And fluffy.\"

Sophia just looked at him, her lips tilted up in amusement. \"So?\"

Jensen stared at her, mouth wide open. \"Come on, Soph! I have an image to maintain!\"

Sophia snorted. \"Please. What image?\" She shrugged, slipping onto her own stool. \"You're no cooler than Christian Kane and he was just here last week.\"

Jensen glared at his best friend turned assistant. \"I am definitely cooler than Chris Kane,\" he muttered, leaning against the bar.

Sophia dug her elbow into Jensen's side and shot a pointed glance at the stool next to her. \"Are you going to sit down or am I going to have to make you sit?\"

An amused chuckle sounded from Jensen's right. \"I don't know about you, but I'd do what the lady says. Doesn't really seem like someone I'd be willing to cross.\"

Jensen slipped onto the stool and Sophia leaned forward, a huge grin on her face. \"Thank you.\" She reached around Jensen's back and held out her hand. \"I'm Sophia.\"

\"Jared.\"

Jensen turned and stared up at the man standing next to him. He was tall, taller than Jensen, even. Shaggy dark hair, bright smile, and broad shoulders, dressed casually in jeans and a tshirt, Jared didn't look like someone Jensen would expect to find in a fairytale-themed bar.

Jared held out a huge hand to Jensen. \"Well, I don't know if you're cooler than Mr. Kane, but you may be prettier.\"

Jensen rolled his eyes and Jared laughed, his eyes lighting up. He accepted Jared's hand, giving it a firm shake. \"Jensen.\"

\"Ackles.\" Jared acknowledged. \"I've heard some of your music.\"

\"Oh yeah? You a fan?\"

Jared shrugged. \"Not sure just yet. The jury is still out on that one.\"

Sophia laughed and nudged Jensen. \"I like him.\"

Jensen shook his head. \"You would.\" He leaned forward, staring down the length of the bar. \"Doesn't anyone work around here?\"

\"Jensen-\"

\"What?\" Jensen shrugged. He glanced around the bar. \"I promised you that I'd come. But look at this place, Soph. The least they can do is give me alcohol. If I worked here, this place would make me a raging alcoholic.\"

\"I don't know, I kinda like it. It has character.\"

Jensen turned to Jared, eyebrows raised. \"Seriously? You'd have to be on the good stuff to find this place cool. What kind of person even thinks to decorate a bar with giant cotton balls?\" Jensen knocked his knuckles against the wood of the bar. \"And what does it take to get some service around here?\"

Jared glanced around and jumped over the bar, his long legs clearing the flat surface with ease.

\"Jared! What did I say about jumping over the bar?\"

An older woman with long dark hair appeared from the back room, a tray of bar glasses in her hands.

\"That it looks cool?\"

\"Jared,\" the lady growled.

\"Sorry Aunt Sam.\" Jared leaned in and kissed her cheek before taking the glasses and setting them down behind the bar. He grabbed a towel and swiped it over the dark wood. He looked at Jensen and quirked an eyebrow. \"So what can I get for you?\"

Jensen closed his eyes and sighed. He always had a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. \"How about your favorite?\"

\"One 'True Love's Kiss' coming right up,\" Jared replied, lips tilting up in a soft grin. \"How about you?\" he turned to Sophia.

Sophia looked over the list of drinks painted on the wall behind the bar. \"I'll take one Mr. Incredible, make him cute.\"

\"I'll do my best.\" Jared grinned at her as he grabbed two shot glasses before tossing them in the air and slamming them down on the counter. He expertly mixed the drinks and slid them along the smooth surface into Jensen and Sophia's waiting hands.

\"True Love's Kiss, huh?\" Jensen held the shot up and gave it a quizzical look. \"What's so great about it?\"

Jared shrugged. \"It's the most powerful thing in the world.\"

~*~

The night was cool as Jensen pushed his way through the door and back out into the real world. Sophia stumbled behind him, her fingers twisting in his shirt.

\"You had to drink the green shit, didn't you?\"

\"Green Fairy,\" Sophia nodded before burying her face in Jensen's chest with a giggle. \"Now everything's blue, pink, blue, pink-\"

Jensen groaned as Sophia collapsed against him. She was surprisingly heavy for someone so tiny.

\"Need some help there?\"

Jensen looked over to find the bartender, Jared, watching them with a look of amusement. He had a duffel bag at his feet and a cell phone in his hand. Jensen shook his head. \"Nah, man, I've got it. I live just over on 10th. I can carry her that far.\"

He wrapped his arm tightly around Sophia's waist and pulled her arm across his shoulders. He struggled to stand up straight and promptly stumbled forward.

Strong hands gripped his shoulders and pushed them back, helping him gather his equilibrium once again. Jensen groaned. \"Maybe a little help would be good.\"

Jared smiled and swept Sophia into his arms. She giggled as she wrapped her arms around Jared's neck. \"I like this one, Jenny, can we keep him?\"

Jensen rolled his eyes. Sophia was always a goofy drunk. \"Sure, Soph, whatever you want.\"

\"I want this one.\" came the reply, just before Sophia went limp in Jared's arms.

\"So you planning on keeping me?\" Jared grinned.

Jensen ignored the question but he couldn't help but admire the way Jared's shirt pulled tight across his chest as he maneuvered Sophia into a better position. Jared tilted his head to the side, indicating the ground. \"Could you get my bag?\"

Jensen looked down at the duffel and back up at Jared. \"Uh, yeah, sure.\" He grunted as he hefted the heavy bag over his shoulder. \"Lot of stuff here. You leaving town?\"

Jared sighed. \"I was supposed to.\" He glanced over at Jensen as they began to walk down the sidewalk, headed towards Jensen's condo. \"My boyfriend was going to pick me up on the way to the airport. He promised me the world but I guess it'll just have to wait for another day.\"

Jensen frowned. \"He didn\u2019t show?\"

\"He got caught up with business.\" Jared was quick to defend. He sighed again, this time heavier. \"I was just so excited to finally see him in person.\"

\"How long have you been apart?\"

\"Well, we've never actually been together. At least, not in person. Yet.\"

\"But you're dating?\" Jensen shot Jared a confused look. \"How's that work?\"

Jared flushed. He shifted Sophia in his arms and kept his eyes focused straight ahead. \"We met on the internet.\"

\"On the internet?\" Jensen repeated.

\"I've known him for years,\" Jared argued. \"It's not as crazy as it sounds.\"

\"Well, that's good,\" Jensen said. \"Because it sounds fuckin' psycho. I mean, who in their right minds-\"

Jared flinched and Jensen immediately felt guilty. \"Look man, I'm sorry. It's not my place to judge.\" He tossed Jared a pleading look. \"I tend to put my foot in my mouth. A lot.\"

Jared lips tilted upwards in a small smile. \"I noticed.\"

Jensen grinned as the tension between them faded into the background once again. \"So where are you staying?\"

Jared gave a small shrug, Sophia's body shifting with the movement. \"I don't know. A hotel, I guess. My lease ran out and all of my stuff is in storage. I could stay with my aunts, I guess, but it's late and-\"

Jensen knew the idea was crazy, but the words were out of his mouth before he could think things through.

\"I have a guest room-\"

~*~

Jensen woke to the sound of music playing softly in the other room. Remembering his guest, he groaned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow. \"Why me?\"

There was something vaguely familiar about the music, something Jensen couldn\u2019t quite put his finger on. With a low moan, he swung his legs around until his feet hit the floor with a dull thud. He pressed his knuckles into his eyes and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

After taking a few minutes to wake up, Jensen struggled to his feet and headed down the hall.

Jared was sitting in the middle of the living room floor, Jensen's favorite guitar perched on his bent leg. The rest of the carpet was covered with various scraps of paper, various piles of debris in an order that only made sense to the man on the floor.

Jared's fingers plucked the strings, the soft melody filling the room. His eyes were closed but he continued playing, the song long committed to memory.

Jensen leaned up against the wall, content to watch the impromptu concert in his living room.

Jared played on, oblivious to his audience, his voice soft and quiet as he sang. Suddenly, he stopped and bent forward, reaching for a pencil near his knee. His hair fell forward, obscuring his face from Jensen's view. He made a couple quick marks on a slip of paper before turning his attention back to the guitar.

Curious, Jensen leaned forward. He noticed the scattering of tiny black notes against the dirty white of the paper. Frowning, Jensen looked closer. There was something very familiar about the arrangement. It was different, but not completely.

\"What the hell are you doing?\"

Startled, Jared's head shot up. The guitar toppled forward but Jared quickly grabbed it before it fell to the floor. \"What?\"

\"What are you doing?\" Jensen repeated through clenched teeth.

Jared's eyes were wide as he stared up at Jensen. \"I'm sorry, I was just-\"

\"Those are my<\/i> songs,\" Jensen growled. \"You had no right.\"

\"I just thought-\"

\"You just thought what? That you could steal my words and my music? Tweak them a little and maybe make a name for yourself?\"

\"No! They were just sitting there on the coffee table and I just wanted to-\" he trailed off, his fingers brushing the surface of the paper. \"They're really good.\"

\"Of course they are,\" Jensen huffed. \"I wrote them.\"

Jared glared up at him. \"They're good. BUT<\/i>-\"

\"But what?\"

\"I thought the lyrics could use a little work and the melody needed to be a bit softer.\" Jared shook his head. \"You don't know anything about real love, do you?\"

Jensen snorted. \"I know a lot about love. I know that it's a figment of imagination, a pretty story mothers tell their children when they put them to bed at night. I know that love sells. It's manufactured and peddled and sold by the dozen. That's what love is.\"

\"Wow.\"

\"What?\" Jensen shrugged. \"That's what real<\/i> love is.\"

Jared just shook his head, a sad look on his face. \"Someone did a real number on you, didn't they.\"

\"Whatever,\" Jensen shifted, uncomfortable under the weight of Jared's stare. \"Don't fuck with my music.\"

Jared sighed. \"I'm sorry, it won't happen again.\" He climbed to his feet and set the guitar carefully on its stand. He looked up at Jensen with a thoughtful expression. \"So I was thinking about going to the park, maybe do a little shopping. Want to join me?\"

Jensen thought about the numerous messages he needed to return and the tracks he still needed to put down. He thought about Jared and how he really didn't know him at all, how he wasn't sure he wanted to take the time to learn more about him. He stared down at the piles of paper scattered across the floor.

\"Sure. Why not?\"

~*~

Jensen stretched out along the grass, hands behind his head. The day was warm and the sun was bright, a perfect day to spend in the park. It was gorgeous outside and he was glad he had taken the time to enjoy it.

He was also a little bored.

\"I could always tell you a story.\"

Jensen rolled over onto his side and snorted. \"Sure, yeah, whatever. Tell me a story.\"

\"I know just the one.\" Jared gave him a soft smile and something in Jensen's chest twisted in response. He tangled blades of grass around his long fingers as he turned his gaze up towards the blue, blue sky. \"This story is the tale of King Gerald and his search across worlds to find a wild rose.\"

Jensen frowned. \"I don't think I know that one.\"

\"It's my favorite,\" Jared said, shrugging one shoulder. \"You see, King Gerald was a kind and fair ruler, loved by all his people. But he was extremely lonely. He longed to find his true love, the one who would complete him and make him the happiest man in the world.\"

Jensen snorted. \"True love, of course.\"

Jared glared down at him. \"Do you want to hear the story or not?\"

Jensen flopped back on his back and held up his hands. \"Please continue.\"

\"Anyway,\" Jared paused and looked at Jensen, lifting one eyebrow. When Jensen remained quiet, Jared began speaking again. \"The king filled his days with busy work, always trying to fill the emptiness inside of him. He trained with his knights and listened to his people. He met with his advisors and attended several balls, always taking time to dance with the eligible ladies from the nearby countries. But nothing filled the void.\"

Jensen watched as Jared told his tale. His face shone bright in the sunlight, his eyes sparkled, his lips tilted upwards in a constant smile, dimples barely peeking through. He was beautiful.

\"King Gerald's best friend was Prince Edward of Andalasia. They had known each other for years and Prince Edward was a bit of a thrill seeker, always going on hunts to exotic lands. He watched as King Gerald grew more and more despondent with each passing day until one day, he had an idea. He would send his friend on a great hunt, a search for the most elusive treasure in the world. The wild rose of Sharon.\"

Jared continued his story, telling Jensen of King Gerald's search across worlds to find this rose, rumored to be the most beautiful flower anyone had ever seen. The rose was magical and it was said that anyone who succeeded in plucking it from its bed would be rewarded with their greatest desire, be it money or power or anything else. The rose was hidden away and many a man had attempted to locate the treasure and claim it as his own. But the rose was prickly. It was covered in thorns filled with a fast-acting poison. Many men had tried to pluck the rose and had failed, falling prey to their own greed. But King Gerald was different. He didn't want the rose for the great treasure it would bring him. He wanted to find the rose so he could take it from its dark hiding place and move it to the light, for anything that could grant a man his greatest desire belonged in the sun.

\"King Gerald plucked the rose from its bed and carefully tucked it away in his saddle bag before making the long journey back home. Once there, he planted the rose in his castle's great garden so that it could blossom in the sunlight. Each day he would go to the gardens and water the rose. This went on for several weeks until one day, a strange thing happened. King Gerald tilted the water can and as the drops fell onto the rose's soft petals, the flower began to grow. It grew and grew until a beautiful woman stood before the king. She was the prettiest woman the king had ever seen.

'You saved me,' the woman said. 'I was cursed, but your love and care have restored me. For that, I will be eternally grateful. As a reward, you may have one wish.'

'May I have some time to think about it?' the king asked.

The wild rose of Sharon bowed her head. 'You may have until sundown.'

The king bowed before offering his arm to the beautiful rose. He gave her a tour of his castle and the grounds. Together, they laughed, a smile always on their face. But as sundown grew near, the king grew quiet. With only a few minutes to spare, he made his decision.

'You,' he said. 'I choose you. Please stay with me, be my rose.'

Rose of Sharon smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling in the setting sun. 'I hoped you would say that,' she wrapped her arms around the king and whispered in his ear. 'Wish granted.'

And they lived happily ever after.\" Jared smiled into the distance.

\"That was beautiful man.\"

Jared glanced over at Jensen and rolled his eyes when he caught the other man's smirk. \"Shut up.\"

\"I mean it, I'm getting all choked up here.\" Jensen laughed, feeling carefree and happy for the first time in a very long time. \"Seriously man, it's a good story.\"

Jared grinned. \"I know. It is, isn't it?\"

~*~

\"So how did you and this Edward Prince meet?\" Jensen asked Jared as they stood side-by-side, thumbing through the racks of cds in Jensen's favorite music store.

Jared shrugged one shoulder, pulling a case out in order to flip it over to read the back. \"Through a friend, actually.\"

\"Thought you said it was the internet.\" Jensen leaned one hip against the shelves, his body turned toward Jared.

\"It was a bit of both,\" Jared shrugged again. \"My buddy Chad is from his country and said we'd be perfect for each other. So we started emailing, then chatting online, and then talking to each other on the phone. We hit it off.\"

\"Huh.\"

Jared grinned. \"And he's got this sexy little accent. Man, I have such a thing for accents.\"

Jensen rolled his eyes. \"I have an accent.\"

Jared frowned. \"No you don't.\"

\"Yes I do,\" Jensen argued. He quirked an eyebrow in Jared's direction. When he spoke again, he let his accent slip through. \"I'm from Texas but I had to lose the accent for the show. But if I'm drunk or tired, it tends to pop up.\"

Jared looked at him, eyes wide as he swallowed. \"Imagine that.\"

Jensen just grinned in response.

~*~

\"So what made you such a cynic in your young life?\"

Jensen glanced around at the various patrons having lunch in his favorite diner. He took a bite of his burger before answering. \"Grew up in show biz. Kind of sucks the hope and dreams right out of you.\"

\"It couldn't have been that bad.\" Jared argued as he stole a fry from Jensen's plate.

\"Stop that,\" Jensen swatted at Jared's hand. \"Eat your own fries.\"

Jared laughed as Jensen glared at him. Jensen sighed. \"It wasn't bad, exactly. But it's kind of hard to believe in love when you spent five years of your childhood as one half of Hollywood's golden couple, always in the spotlight and none of it was real.\"

\"None of it?\"

Jensen shook his head. \"Not one minute. Danneel was great. She was one of my best friends and the station thought they could bring up the ratings by having a 'sweetheart couple' on the show. So we had to pretend to be in love if we wanted to keep our jobs. That's Hollywood for you. Don't believe everything you see. It's not always real.\" Jensen paused. \"Actually, it's rarely true. That's why it's the land of make believe.\"

Jared frowned. \"No offense man, but your outlook on life kind of sucks.\"

\"Them's the breaks, I guess,\" Jensen shrugged. He pointed at Jared's plate. \"You going to eat the rest of that?\"

Jared just pushed his plate across the table, a sad look on his face.

~*~

\"Oh come on, wouldn't it be great?\"

Jensen snorted as they made their way down the busy sidewalk. \"No, Jared, it would not be great if life were a musical. People just randomly breaking out in song? That would be damn creepy.\"

Jared laughed. \"It wouldn't be that bad.\"

Jensen gave him an amused look. \"Think about grocery shopping with the lady wandering down the aisles, singing about her grocery list.\"

\"Beef, broccoli, tunaaaaaa fish,\" Jared sang, his voice rising with each word.

Jensen shuddered. \"Exactly.\" He nudged Jared in the side. \"If your life was a musical, what would you be singing right now?\"

Jared's eyes gained a wicked gleam. \"I wanna know what love is!\" he belted out. \"I want you to show me!\"

\"Oh shut up.\" Jensen slapped his hand across Jared's mouth.

Jared darted away, singing as he ran. \"I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me-\"

Jensen took off after him. He was laughing when he finally caught up, his fingers tangling in the fabric of Jared's shirt. He tugged Jared back, shoving him against the brick of a storefront. \"Shut up!\"

Jared grinned. \"Make me.\" He opened his mouth to sing again so Jensen did just that. He shut him up the only way he knew how.

And that's when Jensen kissed Jared for the very first time.

~*~

\"I don't see why we can't just-\"

\"Real life just doesn't work that way, Jared. This isn't one of your stupid fairytales.\"

Jared snorted, the sound bitter and harsh, causing Jensen to turn and glare at him. \"What?\"

Jared just shook his head. \"No offense, Jen, but what makes you think I'd ever cast you as Prince Charming? Sure, you're definitely pretty enough. But you're also arrogant, self-involved, rude-\"

Jensen held up a hand, cutting Jared off. \"And Edward is so much better?\"

\"Well at least he isn't afraid to love me.\"

\"I'm not afraid.\"

Jared just gave him a sad smile. \"Sure you're not.\"

~*~

Jensen wasn't avoiding Jared. He wasn't. He was just busy. And if his crazy life kept him so busy that he didn't see Jared for days, that was just a coincidence.

Jared was definitely wrong. He wasn't scared to love anyone, let alone Jared. Jared was an overgrown child. He was naive and actually believed in those silly fairytales he loved so much.

Jensen didn't need Jared. He didn't need anyone.

Jensen wasn't prepared for Ed's arrival. Seeing Jared walking down the street, holding hands with the other man, laughing at something he said forced Jensen to re-evaluate his beliefs.

Maybe he didn't need everyone. Maybe he just needed Jared.

~*~

\"Jensen?\"

Jensen gripped the phone tight in his hand, knuckles white. \"Hey Jay.\"

\"Jen, what's going on?\" Jensen could hear the worry in Jared's voice and it warmed his heart to know that Jared still cared.

\"I'm sorry,\" he said. \"I know you're with Ed and it's probably too late. I screwed up. I didn't want to take a chance but I was stupid and I just...I just miss you. Do you think we could-\"

\"How about dinner?\" Jared interrupted, voice quiet. \"7:30 at Little Italy?\"

Jensen couldn't keep from beaming. \"Sounds perfect.\"

~*~

It all happened so fast.

One minute, Jensen and Jared were having dinner. They slid back together easily, like they had never been apart. Jensen was telling a story from his television days, a story filled with chaos and colorful characters. Jared was laughing, head tossed back, dimples flashing. He took a bite of his apple pie and then-

~*~

Jensen held Jared's limp form in his arms as tears streamed down his face. \"Oh god, Jared-\" He pulled Jared's head to his chest and looked frantically around the room. \"Somebody help me!\"

The room erupted with the sudden flurry of activity. There were shouts for a doctor and the clang as metal pans hit the floor.

A woman slid down onto the floor next to the two men. \"What happened?\"

Jensen stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. \"We were just eating. He took a bite of his pie and he...he stopped breathing. Oh god, he's not breathing.\"

\"It's ok,\" the lady assured him. \"I'm a doctor.\" She tilted Jared's head back and turned his head from side to side. \"Does he have any allergies?\"

\"I don't know,\" Jensen frantically tried to recall every conversation he and Jared had shared, hoping to recall anything that could help. \"Wait, he said something once about peanuts. And he requested a special piece of pie.\"

The doctor glanced up at the table to the plate of pie, noting the finely ground crust. \"I'm afraid there must have been a mix-up in the kitchen.\" She reached in her purse and pulled out a large pen.

Jensen gave her a panicked look. Jared was dying and she wanted to write something down?

The doctor smiled gently. She popped the cap off the pen and held it against Jared's body. \"I just need to hold this here for ten seconds so the medicine can get in his system.\"

\"Ambulance is on the way,\" a waiter announced.

\"Thank you,\" the doctor smiled at the waiter and turned back to Jensen. \"He should be ok, but he'll need to go to the hospital and be checked out. Just to be safe.\"

Jensen nodded, his eyes on Jared's face. Jared was so still, so unlike his usual boisterous self, but Jensen could see the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

Sirens rang out in the distance, getting closer every second.

\"Thanks,\" Jensen glanced up at the doctor. She patted his arm as she stood up, heading toward the door to meet the ambulance crew.

\"You can't die on me, you hear? I didn't get a chance to tell you that you win. I believe now. You actually made a believer out of me.\" Jensen ran his thumb along Jared's jaw. He brushed the shaggy dark hair out of his face and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. \"I love you, Jared. Please don't leave me.\"

\"Never.\" Jared's hoarse response was barely louder than a whisper, but it was the greatest thing Jensen had ever heard. He pulled back to find slitted hazel eyes staring back up at him.

\"Promise?\"

\"Always and forever.\"

~*~

\"Ed, I'm sorry.\" Jared glanced over his shoulder to where Jensen stood, the other man digging the toe of his shoe into the concrete while he pretended to be oblivious to the conversation that was occurring. \"I-\"

Ed sighed. \"You love him.\"

Jared pulled his lower lip between his teeth and nodded. \"I really, really do.\"

Ed gave him a sad smile. \"Then I'm sorry, too.\"

~*~

\"So apparently my father is King Gerald.\"

Jensen looked up from the sheet music spread across the dining room table. \"Come again?\"

Jared slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. \"You know that fairy tale I told you about King Gerald and his search for the wild rose?\"

Jensen nodded, not sure why Jared was bringing up the story he had told him that day in the park.

\"Well, apparently it was my aunt's way of telling me about my parents. My dad apparently decided to come to America to find a wife and found my mom. Sharon. Sharon Rose.\"

Jensen frowned. \"Your parents? Aren't they dead?\"

Jared looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears. \"Apparently not. They're alive and living overseas.\"

\"So what? Did they not want-\" Jensen couldn't bring himself to finish the question, afraid the answer could cause Jared pain.

\"Me?\" Jared apparently had no issues with doing the same. He shook his head. \"No. They did want me. But my father's this...and my uncle tried to kill me when I was born and oh my god, this is so crazy. Things like that aren't supposed to happen in real life.\"

Jensen slid down the wall to sit next to Jared on the floor. \"Your dad's a what?\"

Jared glanced over at Jensen and huffed a laugh. \"He's a freaking king.\"

\"Which makes you, what, a prince? And you're uncle tried to kill you when you were born?\" Jensen snorted and pinched the bridge of his nose. \"It definitely sounds like one of your crazy stories.\"

\"I know, right?\" Jared sighed. \"Anyway, my parents couldn't prove that my uncle tried to kill me so they sent me to live with my aunts. To protect me or something.\"

\"And your aunts are?\"

\"My mom's sorority sisters,\" Jared gave a forced laugh. \"My life, man.\"

\"Not to sound cynical-\" Jared snorted but Jensen ignored him and continued. \"But why are you just learning about all of this now?\"

\"Ed told me,\" Jared sniffled, rubbing a large hand across his face. \"Apparently we're betrothed. Our fathers are best friends and wanted to join their kingdoms a la Sleeping Beauty.\"

\"And you believe him?\" Jensen pulled away from Jared, turning his torso to face him. \"I know you're still friends, but come on, Jay. That just sounds like a crazy story created by someone desperate to hold onto something that doesn't exist anymore.\"

\"No, it's true,\" Jared let his head fall forward, his hair masking his face. \"I asked my aunts. They told me everything.\"

Jensen sighed. \"Fabulous. So now what?\"

Jared gave a watery laugh. \"I have to go there.\"

Jensen frowned. \"Go where?\"

\"Home. To Rosebriar or Briar Rose or whatever it's called. My dad's sick and they don't know-\" Jared paused, gathering his composure. \"Our flight leaves tomorrow.\"

\"Tomorrow?\" Jensen felt like he'd been punched. Just when he'd allowed himself to believe that things might be different, that maybe something like love really did exist and it was being snatched away before it ever really had a chance to grow.

\"Come with me?\"

The whispered plea tore down the final wall around Jensen's heart. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to, but-

\"I can't.\" Jensen reached over and grabbed Jared's hand, tangling their fingers together. \"I would, but I have responsibilities here. My career. I just- I can't. You promised me you'd never leave.\"

\"I know.\" Jared squeezed his hand as tears rolled down his face. \"Can we just sit here for awhile?\"

Jensen swallowed hard, choking back his own tears, trying desperately not to cry. \"Yeah, Jay, we can do that.\"

~*~

Time passed and life went on. Jensen continued to work on his music, injecting Jared into every song he wrote.

Two months after Jared left, Jensen received an email that simply said, 'I can honestly say that I'm your biggest fan now. You're so much cooler than Christian Kane.'

Jensen didn't cry. He just perspired a lot.

~*~

\"Hey Hollywood!\"

Jensen closed his eyes, unwilling to turn around. He knew that voice. It was so familiar, the low tones embedded deep in the dark corners of his mind. He knew<\/i> that voice, but he was terrified to turn around, scared to find out it was just another figment of his imagination.

Arms wrapped around his waist and he was pulled backwards against a hard chest. \"Miss me?\" warm breath brushed along his collar.

Jensen turned around. \"You're really here?\"

Jared grinned. \"I'm really here.\"

\"What?\" Jensen was at a loss for words. \"How? I thought you had to marry Ed so your kingdoms could be joined. And yes, that sounds so weird. Your kingdoms. Because you're a fucking prince.\"

Jared laughed. \"It's modern times now. Ed and I drafted a contract bringing the two countries together. He's going to stay there and run things and I'll go back every now and then. I'm hoping you'll go with me. My mom would love to meet you.\" His smile softened. \"But this is my home.\"

\"Why? I mean, not that I'm complaining, but-\"

Jared reached up and brushed a thumb across Jensen's cheekbone before pressing their lips together in a tender kiss.

\"Can't exactly have my happily ever after without you, can I?\"

~*~

Jensen leaned forward and rested his elbows on the bar. The fluffy pink decor was starting to grow on him. \"So how does it feel to have one of your songs in the top 10 of Billboard's Hot 100?\"

Jared shrugged as he added two splashes of cranberry juice to the drink. \"I don't know, you tell me. It's your song.\" He slid the glass across the flat surface.

Jensen shook his head. \"No, it's our<\/i> song. I couldn't have done it without you.\"

\"We make a pretty good team, don't we?\" Jared gave him a soft smile.

Jensen grinned. \"Damn straight we do.\" He held up the glass and examined its contents. \"So what's this one?\"

Jared's smile grew wider. \"It's a 'Happily Ever After.'\"

Jensen laughed, green eyes flashing. He leaned forward, his lips brushing Jared's.

\"I'll drink to that.\""},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lostt1:316410","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/316410.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/lostt1.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=316410"}}],"title":"Fic: Just So You Know (Beautiful Soul) Master Post (J2\/PG13)","published":"2009-06-13T00:21:41Z","updated":"2011-10-27T13:36:20Z","category":[{"@attributes":{"term":"fic: just so you know"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic pairing: j2"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic challenge: big bang"}},{"@attributes":{"term":"fic rating: pg13"}}],"content":"
<\/center>

Fic title:<\/b> Just So You Know (Beautiful Soul)
Author name:<\/b> <\/a>lostt1<\/b><\/a><\/a>elethoniel<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Genre:<\/b> RPS
Pairing:<\/b> Jared\/Jensen
Rating:<\/b> PG-13
Word count:<\/b> 23,935 words
Disclaimer:<\/b> Not mine. I just like to play with them every once in awhile.
Notes:<\/b> Written for <\/a>spn_j2_bigbang<\/b><\/a><\/span>. Title from Jesse McCartney. All other thanks and notes at the end.

Summary:<\/b> Jensen has been in love with Jared for years. The problem: Jared is his best friend's little brother. The solution: Jensen moves to California and writes songs for popular pop artists. Every song is about Jared. But what happens when Jensen finds himself living with Jared after six years apart? Will the balance he's found fall apart or will he finally get the one thing he's always wanted?

Part 1<\/a> | Part 2<\/a> | Part 3 & Thanks<\/a><\/center>

And be sure to check out the gorgeous art by <\/a>elethoniel<\/b><\/a><\/span>. She made some amazing wallpapers and everything else you see here. I love how similar our vision is. She was simply lovely to work with. I couldn't be happier. You can find her post here<\/a>.




Soundtrack:<\/b>


01. Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul<\/a>
02. Colbie Caillat - Realize<\/a>
03. Life of Riley - Here With Me (Palm Trees)<\/a>
04. Demi Lovato - Until You're Mine<\/a>
05. Natasha Bedingfield - Say it Again<\/a>
06. Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know<\/a>
07. Michelle Branch - It's You<\/a>
08. Ryan Cabrera - Say You Will<\/a>
09. Jordin Sparks - Next To You<\/a>
10. Kelly Clarkson - You Found Me<\/a>
11. David Archuleta - To Be With You<\/a>
12. Miley Cyrus - Full Circle<\/a>
13. Kate Voegele - Manhattan From the Sky<\/a>
14. Ashley Tisdale - We'll Be Together<\/a>
15. Jesse McCartney - We Can Go Anywhere<\/a>
16. Joe Jonas - Gotta Find You<\/a>
17. Hilary Duff - Now You Know<\/a>
18. Ashlee Simpson - In Another Life<\/a>
19. Teddy Geiger - Seven Days Without You<\/a>
20. Nick Lachey - Did I Ever Tell You<\/a>
21. Jesse McCartney - Feelin' You<\/a>

Zip File<\/a>"}]}