By the time you read this, a lot of what I’m writing about here will already be public, and many of my readers will be wanting an explanation for some pretty devastating and embarrassing news. I thought I would post here to give you my side of the story. Note that I’m not making any excuses or attempting to minimize what happened in any way. But I also want everyone to know that I am seeking help and I’m confident that, moving forward, I will be a better person. But unfortunately, my health and my personal relationships are not served by my having a continued presence online. I will therefore be shutting down The Library of Celaeno. I ask that you respect my family’s privacy in this difficult time.

There are no jokes in this one. I never thought my personal life and public persona would crash into each other like this, but, in retrospect, I suppose it was inevitable. In a way, I feel some relief at having been doxxed, but at the same time, I realize now that it never should have gotten to this point. If you read on, I think you’ll understand.

Below is the full text of the most thorough article on the incident that led to all of this, which I am posting in the interest of full transparency. Those of you who have read my work and supported me these last few years deserve to know what’s really been going on, and as you’ll see, the story has many elements that may lead you to question what’s been happening on Substack this whole time. I can’t speak to how management will react. Note that I am not providing the link, because I think the article was written maliciously with the larger intent to discredit authors within my sphere, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find it on your own if you are tech savvy enough.

Manatee Kidnapping Case Takes Bizarre Turn as Florida Man Is Revealed to Have Significant, Complex Online Presence

By [redacted]

SEBASTIAN, FL- A man arrested in Indian River County in the early morning hours of March 29th for violating the Marine Mammals Act of 1972 was already well known in certain quarters online.

William Martin, originally of Quincy, Florida, was apprehended at 4:32 AM near the Sebastian River Lagoon while attempting to load a live, adult male manatee into the back of his 2018 Honda Odyssey.

“It was pure chance that I came on scene,” said arresting Deputy Clarence Spangen of the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office. “He had his van backed up to right to the water’s edge, and I could see the tail of the manatee sticking out the back. He was trying to shove the animal all the way in. Five more minutes and I might have missed him”

When the officer asked Martin, 46, how he had managed to lift the nearly 12’, 2000 lb animal into his minivan without equipment or assistance, he replied angrily, “that’s not the point!” Martin was arrested on-scene.

After booking, detectives discovered that Martin, though a Florida native, did not actually live in the state at the time, but instead resided many hundreds of miles away in Marianna, Arkansas, where he is employed as a high school teacher, as well as being a beloved but controversial football coach. But stranger still than the circumstances of his arrest was Martin’s online presence.

“He has an account on Substack under his own name, where he posts content that could really only be deemed extreme. A lot of racist and antisemitic stuff. It’s a wonder this wasn’t discovered before, honestly,” said Detective Stephanie Boatman of the IRC Sheriff’s Office .

This was especially unexpected because Martin is a prominent member of Marianna’s small but very active Jewish community.

Reached for comment, Rabbi Matt Levine of Congregation Beth Shalom stated, “I don’t understand. I was there at his Bar Mitzvah decades ago. He’s always been an aggressive advocate for Jewish causes and Israel. He’s on the board of the local ADL chapter. This isn’t the Will Martin I know.”

As it turns out, Martin’s online activities didn’t end there.

“He had other accounts as well, all sort of on the right side of the spectrum politically, but with different messaging,” said Detective Boatman. “In addition to his “Quarterly Musings” identity, he also blogged as The Librarian of Celaeno, where he often wrote about being a teacher. They seem pretty different, but after I went through them you really can see a lot of overlap in terms of themes and content, even though Martin went to a lot of trouble to fake a conflict between those two personas.”

But perhaps most boldly, Martin was revealed to have been impersonating former Congressman Adam Kinzinger on Substack since October of 2023.

A spokesman for Kinzinger told this author, “he created AI videos featuring the Congressman, whole articles attributed to him, the works. It’s all just really amateur and embarrassing. Congressman Kinzinger is a thoughtful and dedicated public servant, and it’s pretty vile that this Martin guy could spend years painting him as this one-note Trump-obsessed hack, especially since the articles look like pure ChatGPT slop. Substack should be ashamed for hosting this stuff that’s so obviously fake and letting people profit from it.”

It is unclear what, if anything, Martin’s online presence and his attempted removal of the manatee have to do with one another. When asked what he’d planned to do with the large, docile sirenian, Martin would only state that his school had an Olympic-sized pool and that he’d “done the research.”

Marine biologist Victor Kerns told this reporter over the phone that “Mr. Martin asserted in court filings that manatees can live on acorns, lawn clippings, and GNC vitamins, which simply isn’t true, nor are they adapted to live in chlorinated fresh water, indoors, in the Delta region of Arkansas. He apparently also tried to get the animal to consume a Bang Energy drink once he’d gotten it in the van, and told the cop that it was to ‘even him out,’ which honestly just makes no sense.”

Still, Martin has his supporters in Marianna, though one coworker at the Marianna Military School for Boys would only speak to this reporter anonymously.

“It was just like what you see online. He was always saying and writing really offensive stuff with, like, the feedback on the tests he gave the kids- Jewcuck, stuff like that. I remember he called one boy in his history class a ‘retarded BAPn————r’ and he would explode if kids used AI for anything, just screaming ‘Thielf————t‘ over and over. The students would complain all the time. But to be real, he went 9-1 in regular season play last year and he’s taken us to state six times, and that’s kind of important too.”

Reached for comment, Dean Liam Newsome declined to confirm any plans to fire or even discipline Martin in the aftermath of the arrest and revelations, pointing out instead that Martin was friends with Ryan Silverfield- the current head coach for the University of Arkansas Razorbacks- with whom he attends synagogue, and “that tells me everything I need to know about Will Martin’s character.”

For his part, Martin was defiant at his arraignment yesterday, refusing to plead or even acknowledge the charges. When asked by the presiding judge whether Martin knew that it was illegal to capture manatees, Martin responded, “do you know it’s illegal to be a giant f—————t?” No such law exists in Florida or on the federal level. And officers are not convinced they’ve discovered all of his online identities.

“We’ve found three accounts on Substack so far, but I’m confident he’s been pretending to be way more people than that,” said Det. Boatman. “I predict there will be a lot more fallout from this. He could be anyone, really.”

So, obviously, I’m pretty embarrassed by all this. I guess I’ve been fooling all of you. But mainly, I’ve been fooling myself this whole time. I think a lot of it frankly stems from self-hatred, and my activities online as Will Martin were an attempt to resolve the psychological tensions emanating from that sense of inner weakness. My Librarian persona was me writing things mainly to get people to call me “Jew” in a hateful way, and I took a sick pleasure in all the pagans, white nationalists, Muslims, and National Socialists flooding my comments with anti-Jewish rants. I guess that’s who I was really producing content for this whole time. Of course, my Kinzinger stack was just pure grift, a way to make money off of gullible people. That is honestly my biggest regret, because the kind of readers who are that credulous and undiscriminating are probably just getting scammed in every other area of their lives as well. I will naturally be shutting that stack down as well, and if you see anyone else posting under the name “Adam Kinzinger” from this point on, you can be assured it’s just as fake as what I was doing.

I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me, as I explore therapeutic options and reconnect with my rabbi. I would like to apologize to the Florida Department of Wildlife Management, the people at the 7-11 convenience store near Ft. Pierce where I shoplifted that Bang Energy drink, the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office, the cast and crew at the Boca Raton Community Theater (iykyk), Ryan Silverfield, my readers at my other two alts (they’re totally lying about there being more), most of my students, co-workers, and superiors, my wife and children, the ADL, all the fine people I disparaged as wignats, the Soda Stream corporation, His Holiness Pope Leo XIV, the actual Adam Kinzinger, the janitorial staff at the Indian River Hospital Behavioral Heath Center, and of course, Substack. I would like to especially thank Peter Thiel, who despite everything has reached out to me to wish me well and offer to pay for my continued recovery and who has always supported my career, and to Bronze Age Pervert, Vice-President JD Vance, and my whole network of friends and benefactors.

But for now, this is the Will Martin, the Librarian of Celaeno, signing off. I will obviously no longer be asking for subscriptions, but I would be grateful if you could find it in your heart to donate to the Save the Manatees Club, which- thanks to the interventions of Mr. Thiel and some very understanding personnel in the Florida Department of Justice- I will now be serving as a spokesman. My own subscriber solicitations below are just automatic and should of course be ignored.

Donate to The Save The Manatees Club

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