lesslovingangel

I love these journal type things.  They really do let me vent my frustrations and such.  This one's probably gonna be a humongous rant...so bewarned those reading...you can probably stop now. or after the first paragraph

So I'm trying to finish a book by monday when I head to UO and I feel that there's really one quote that I could relate to in the stupid "hey, let's all find some foreign, impoverished, 3rd world country and jump headfirst into a cause to right the wrongs of the world, and hey, is this just a biography" book.  It's really what has been brought to my attention in the past half year or so since my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer.  Paraphrasing what Dr. Paul Farmer said relating to his eyeopening experience concerning the state of the world, "it's like the moment when you realize that your parents are both good and bad." 

Obviously I could've turned out much worse.  Honestly all of us who've yet to vent our anger by stabbing/chopping up someone into itty-bitty bits, watch the person bleed whilest screaming in agony and giggling horrendously about it, could probably say that our parental figures has at least succeeded in some part in attempting to show us what is should be right or wrong.  I'm pretty much just frustrated with how things turn out.  Just mountains beyond mountains.  Venting...I'm really just sick of caring for my mom who I can't tell is just becoming more and more mental/psychotic and yet just blames it on the chemotherapy, my overprotective dad who really has a one-track mind that gets stuck on the most stupid unscientifically proven ruts "recently discovered" by mankind, did I mention they listen into my phone calls (when i found out i never gave out my house phone again), my sister's stupid cats who puked on my laptop yesterday, and peed in my mom's suitcase today (Great, just great...), and today just keep deciding to sit on top of the box i'm packing. (seriously this is why I decided back in middle school, when my dad offered me a dog or cat, that in the end i'd rather not have one), oh and my mom is horrible with the stupid bastards; she screams at them (like they would understand her...) and then at me to remove them.  And then on top of it all, my parents are extremely good at guilting me into doing stuff.  My mom just lies there and moans like she's in the worst pain imaginable even though she's on meds seven times stronger than morphine.  My dad in a sad, serious voice tells me to take good care of mom.  And of course grandma is in on these conversations as well.  Yay the magicalness that is skype!  Grandma tells me to deal cause my "mom is very very weak at the moment..."  And then when I give in, everyone praises me for being the "good child."  Maybe it would just be easier to do what my sis does and just not care about what all the crazy relatives think.  I'm seriously at the point now where I just don't give a sh*t anymore.  Great now I feel like a horrible, horrible person.  T-T. 

I just love how strong yet not everyone thinks I am, how my opinion is generally overlooked.  (ie:  getting off narcotic painkillers, care for the surgery wound, constipation problems).  Okay, so far I've been correct every time, but does anyone listen, no.  No, let's go ask five other doctors (uncle, other uncle, sister, two docs in philly) even though Grace's common sense has been their answers every time.  WTF!?  I guess this is how my sister feels cause honestly my mom really trusts her brothers first and foremost and why she just answers "I don't know, I'm not your doctor" nowadays.  My mom was having mysterious leg pain.  And after all the docs here could solve it she thinks that her brother is a better doctor because he can?  He proscribed her something called neurotin.  Note it has the efficacy of 30% which is less that the placebo effect which most of us currently believe what "cured" her since she said it stopped working in like two days. 

All of them are such horrible hypocrites.  Most recently the parentals have suddenly succombed to a bout of divine sickness/intervention.  In other words they've all become extremely religious.  Enough so that they want me to join the Catholic group on campus.  Perhaps you'd say this would be a good thing yet honestly all religion has done is make them feel more justified in their views of the world.  Obviously anyone who wants to be my friend who isn't a girl, asian, and going to become a doctor is a horrible influence.  Obviously my sis should go see a psychiatrist because she must've suffered some sort of emotional trauma when she was young and that is why she isn't married yet.  Obviously my spoiled cousin is completely wrong in finally breaking out and telling his mother to go die.  They are also extremely racist and I really shouldn't put their remarks here.  But the worst part is they often say these things in public and when me and my sis tell them urgently that they really shouldn't say these things and should at least try to be "politically correct" they ask us why they can't say them if they're true...Isn't religion supposed to be about "love thy neighbor" and sh*t like that.  "Forgiving the wrongs done to you?"  Whatever...Like in the book I really am starting to believe that religion was solely created by the rich, priviledged people to explain the reason why they should have power be superior over those in poverty (ie: slave, surfs, etc.)  If not then if was to explain why the underlings were given such a pittance in this life.  You must have been a horrible person in a past life.  They say if you work harder for me now, things will get better.  Yup, after you die...

I was thinking about putting my thoughts about the healthcare debate here as well but well, I'm tired.  And I'm sure that a government run private sector of insurance will go just as well as that of everything else the government runs, schools (yay, no child left behind--let's give less money to the schools who need help, as punishment, and obviously it will get better), dmv's (great we have no money, let's shut them down for a month or so, soooo helpful for people who need renewals), usps (wow, fifty cent letters that usually get lost, and tiny flat rate boxes that can't even fit a CD.)  Taxing sugary drinks will probably fail.  Honestly we'll still buy them.  And if we can't afford them then we'll just have to buy foreign stuff that has funky preservatives.  Taxing the pharmaceutical companies is in theory a good idea, except the reprecussions would be more expensive meds for us.  And really they say that the patient will be subsidized should there med bills exceed 21,000 a year.  Uhm...whut?  hmmm...I wasn't going to talk about this but I'm on a roll now.  And the no rejecting people for pre-existing conditions is going to fail cause they'll just reject people for some other reason.  Sure, you have insurance, but we won't pay for prescriptions, dentists, another diagnostic tests, a second opinion...Rejecting to pay for treatments because there isn't enough evidence to show they work enough of the time?  Well, a good percentage of cancer treatments are like that; the patient's at a point that they're willing to cling to any amount of hope that something with tested results of an efficacy of less than 40% might work for them.

Honestly I don't like the book that I'm being forced to read for honors college.  I believe that it was supposed to motivate us to become leaders in the future, to change the course that life has taken, yet I'm not feeling it.  The author seems to have a polarized view of the doctor he's biographing.  The guy is just f***ing amazing.  He's probably the most successful clinician taking on social problems the the last half century.  Yet I'm feeling that it seems overblown.
It's all just stupid and confusing and now I have a bigger headache.........................>.<  Oh, I've thinking of minoring in social anthropology or psychology now.

lesslovingangel

I am so amused by how many depressing stories I'm hearing from kcon this year.  It's also kind of sad.  I feel like I personally had a great time at con and none of the problems I encountered had anything to do with the hotel or crowding, etc.  I think honestly it comes down to how prepared you are and, sorry to be the pessimist, but if you don't expect much you won't be let down if something goes ary.

I took a grand total of zero pictures this year...cause when cheryl tried to photoshop my photos from last year she said it was difficult cause of all the noise...so all these pics below I take no credit for...

We actually went to pre-reg/check-in/day 0 this year and I'm very glad we did.  It saved us from having to get up as freaking early as last year.  Me and cheryl went as shuichi and yuki cause those are really casual cosplays and we knew we'd be sitting and waiting lots.  I was very happy cause I saw a belphegor (Mr. SHISHISHI man).  After dropping everyone off I went over to cheryl's house and her mom made AWESOME macaroni and cheese!!!!!!!!

Saturday... we went as pokemon trainers.  I'm in love w/ my dawn pokemon trainer cosplay cause I get to carry around my big white purse/bag thing and cheryl as lucas carries her backpack.  We knew it was gonna rain so we came prepared w/ umbrellas.

found this pic online! Kinda cute!  It's from when we sat down by the bathrooms close to the main and talked and sang random stuffs ^-^.

We went to pioneer place for lunch and cheryl stopped by gamestop to buy p4.  In the afternoon we went to the pokemon photoshoot.  There were soooo many gijinka and trainers that we took up a whole sidewalk block while walking.
Those are just the trainers! Hey you can actually see both me and lucas with both giratina (tk's) and piplup.

I guess the frustrating thing bout saturday was that only one person recognized us before we got piplup and giratina.  Once again, accessories make the cosplay.  Piplup, bradley got for me at the vendors.  Yays!  Thank you kouhai!  It makes sounds!
On the right is Klunk cosplaying at gon with the Killua cheryl found.  Killua stuck with us for the rest of the weekend 8D.  And she's awesome for taking many of the photos.
This is Killua....on the right.  With Duh-senpai at the random panel after Killua gave up her shirt.

Really on saturday I never really had that many problems with the hotel staff.  They were courteous to me.  They were also extremely nice when I asked them about parking and getting the parking card so I could have in/out priveledges.  I think my method still works.  "Just smile and wave, boys; just smile and wave!"  People are still suckers for the I'm cute and pathetic please help me card. ^-^  I can't believe that registration reached max at 6000 this year.  We had some friends who came around noon but couldn't register....well, I can only say I left cause "it's not my problem".  Yays! I think I'm growing a backbone.

We went to the hetalia pj party for less than a minute before realizing that they were just marathoning the episodes.  We all left and marathoned in the hotel room where we could actually see.  Yays for staying in the hotel for the 1st time for me.

Sunday!  I had lots of fun too.  We dragged out the ouran cosplays again from last year for the morning.  We were supposed to have all the boys but kyouya sadly, didn't show up until we had already changed for lunch.  I haven't found any magical pics of ouran yet but here's a shot of the group, surprizing since there were so many ppl taking pictures.

It was awesome to actually have a mori this year.  Thank you phoenix! We owe you big time!

The next part was one of the most inane parts of con.  I decided that we might as well have a big buffet lunch at hot pot because I wasn't sure when else we'd eat.  People agreed to try it out and even to the 15 minute walk.  HOLY SHIT GET SOME FUCKING EXERCISE PEOPLE and stop bitching about how we had to walk for like 30 minutes cause you all were so damn slow.  And we never forced anyone to come so you all could have just left if you weren't so directionally challenged.  Ok, it was all better after we all had some food--everyone liked hotpot so there!

Afternoon was awesome! Me and cheryl changed into eyeshield 21! Sena and Hiruma, respectively.  Killua took these photos when we were waiting to get into the ballroom: tango panel.


The gag sign!  I even got it laminated!
 Sign says:  Private Property; I you can read this, you are within range.  Pic AK47

We also did the swing panel afterwards.  It was funny cause we learned that while myself and hiruma are really good at dancing with each other we have "problems" dancing with other people.   Apparently cheryl drew blood by nailing her partner in the head.  Ah, we kept apologizing but the guy just kept laughing.  We gots him a bandaid.  Some more funny stuff happened afterward and it's all on tape.  Told you mommy V that you need a camera on us at all times!  heehee, Killua, you are amazing.

We decided to change before the masquerade (put on masks).  This is the only point where we really had a run-in with the hotel staff.  We had forgotten that you're not allowed to wear masks in the hotel lobby area which includes the little area that connects the elevator to the main ballroom.  Well, yeah...the security told us we had to go around outside instead of going through the lobby.  Not exactly a big deal except when we put on the masks we tie them under the wigs to not ruin the styling.   We nodded and smiled and quickly ran away and down a different path and never took off our masks, lol.  Take that Authority! 

Then at the enterance to the masquerade ball we had issues with the kcon staff.  We basically were still wearing our eyeshield 21 cosplays with the added masquerade masks.  It looks really casual, but it's cosplay.  STAFF!  Just because you don't recognize a series doesn't mean you should be so abrupt (slightly rude) and stop us and call your higher up to make sure we're actually in cosplay!  Yays for lesser known series!
The ball itself was fun though!

Monday!  We are soooo suffering from con hangover already.  Thank whatever higher power that we decided on just Gravitation cosplays again.  Yay we participated in the cosplay choreography contest.  Well, it really wasn't much of a contest, only 3 groups signed up and it turned into a random dance panel type thing.  I was really looking forward to having some competition.  Oh well, me as shuichi and cheryl as yuki did the still doll waltz which I choreographed.  Afterwards we also did the original carmelldansen dance with Tk, Bradley, and Shey.  It really makes me want to choreograph a chacha or salsa next to angelus from inuyasha.
 Pic from our introduction!

I honestly had a great time!  I'm debating whether or not to go next year.  I guess we'll have to see.  I do plan to create a gon cosplay to accompany killua and cheryl as killua if I do go!  We might also have an Illumi and Hisoka (sexy pedophile bastard).  But we'll have to see.