Rick "Don't Google Me" Santorum has now promised to eliminate federal funding for contraception if he is crowned king elected president.

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,” the former Pennsylvania senator explained. “It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

How do you even begin to unpack a road apple this size? This man is truly the King of Dumbfuck Mountain. Fortunately, he has a snowball's chance in hell of being elected dogcatcher, let alone president. Still. I find his flavor of misogyny particularly gag-inducing.

(brb googling santorum)