FRAGMENTS OF A TEXTUAL BODY

Hi! I am moving back to Malaysia from Indonesia. Married for 5 years now! Hope everyone is thriving!

In Bali cows are sacred
and so tied to posts outside hawker stalls and 7-11s,
even lining a university's grove
useful to keep weeds down,
our guide explained they earn keep
until sold to Aussies for sirloins and steaks
"because it's against our religion to eat beef,"
he boasted the inconsistency
that flashed memory of my father
his face scrunched, shoulders slumped
crying one of the three times I ever saw.
A black baldie he raised from a bottle
had a brain tumor, so he put her down himself,
dug her grave by the barn
though he'd only meant to sell her
to a slaughterhouse anyway.
I had assumed it felt like a burnt cake,
effort falling short of fruition,
but maybe he was more like the Balinese...

I can't figure out how to end this poem!

"out to make a little cash,
consequences acceptable
when the blood spills elsewhere."

That is just not poetic enough!

Last night I woke in the arms of an orange tiger
and wondered at the white one placing a forepaw on my hip,
then resting her head
because I feared any movement
might cause paws to extend claws
and hold a warm pillow person in place
so I steeled my bladder
for some stand-off like my safari friend
sitting six hours in a jeep
while some lioness enjoyed the shade of their vehicle
until the orange tiger whispered
“I love to hold you while it rains,”
and I awakened to find
merely the housecat nestled by my thigh,
my husband’s ginger beard tickling the nape of my neck
though I was still equally loathed to move
and break whatever feline spell
had been cast on my behalf.

In the pages of a Roget Thesaurus I found the birthday card
you gave me eight months before the accident:
"Though it's off to an unusual start,
I hope you have a fabulous year of joy and laughter"
and it's as though you knew the year would extend
beyond your company, that I would need
the act of laughing, cachinnation, cackle, guffaw, hee-haw
though any notion of gratification, well-being, delight,
or cheer just seems cruel
for that "year," a period of origin
stretched to its archaic form a blue moon
eon, eternity between then and now,
me and you, words reaching from a pen
you once weilded to propel my broken birthday heart
into a future of fortune
you would not live to see.

Easter Sunday in Phuket, Thailand

It is Easter Sunday in Phuket, Thailand
but no one cares about the hotel’s brunch
where the only pastel eggs on Patong Beach
can be found. The potatoes slowly dry out on top,
the juice congealing around them
as with the pork chops waiting in warmers
for foreign tourists who won’t be bothered
to feast at the cost of ceding coveted poolside chaises
or foregoing diving expeditions and elephant treks
by the beach town swallowed in tsunami
just five years before, according to the guided tour
of ruble plotted along a 120-minute circuit
left unrepaired to make us all witnesses
on this mornings such as this
when oh, how the Indian Ocean waves
wave upon wave pearls of iridescent foam
toward sand-tossed sidewalks along the shore
as if professing absolution
in battering the city now resurrected, but scarred.

Whistler Mountain, Canada
for Jack

In summer the snow on Whistler
is too wet to throw, but we tried
decked out with gloves, scarves, and heavy leather--
to the amusement of mountain bikers
in shorts and light jackets.
What did we care, hamming it up
with cameras out counting bear sightings
from the venicular,
our lungs frantic for fresh air
after our year in the perpetually tropical
but black-skyed Malaysia.
Looking out at the pond below
It seemed that we could hold time
in the pond where the glacial river flowed,
if not our slushed clumps of snow,
and in a still moment
you kissed me crooked, boyish
both of us smiling
like life let us get away
with something.

false starts for poem

Like pain we ease debt
with alcohol
talking about other things
and obsession until the idea becomes
its own object
surplanting the real
like death,
an idea of abyss


My broken tooth
is not be appeased
upon hearing that the dentist
is on vacation

the real poem draft

Like pain, debt is assuaged
with a cocktail or whisky
depending on the severity
and whether it's purely psychological
or there's a bloody
bill past due
tooth decay crippled
credit score
cankerous cantankerous
craters and collectors
that ooze pussy reminders
despite my best avoidance
dancing like I've still got
both feet
on the ground
my abyss never looked so carnivale
suspended between life and death
some acuteness of both
heightened with application
of pressure to return what is owed
to some bank's aging angry gods
wanting reimbursement after miracles rendered
but for which I never prayed.

"your coat should always be as long as your dress, and if it isn't people will think you can't afford a longer one,"
so I wore short skirts or no jacket at all

I know, I know, if I have any LJ friends left, you probably didn't expect me to pick up my journal again since I've been silent for seven weeks, but here I am. The best way I can explain this absence is that I went through a lot of periods of limited or zero internet access so I just had time to log in and do my bare minimum, or I didn't know what to say because my life has been like surfing on shifting sand, and what's true in the morning may be completely off the books by the afternoon, and in the evening everything might change again. I don't even mean my mood swings, I mean actual circumstances. Plans get cancelled and rearranged, opportunities appear, metamorphosize, and vanish, etc. Half the time I don't know where or who I am, and I used to use LJ to help me deal with that, but things are just so up in the air that I don't even have anything to say about it.

Anyway, I hope I'll be posting more in the future, and it would be really nice if the universe I inhabit would be a little more consistent so what I might say about my life at 10:00 a.m. might still be true at 10:00 p.m.

Wedding Pantoum

She’s the glittering sunshine reflected from the ocean
warming with comfort and solace
He’s the feeling of fresh soil beneath the fingertips
smelling of hope and growth

Best friends 2600 miles apart, their hearts
warm with comfort and solace
counting cross-continental airline tickets as trifles
compared to hope and growth

They reveal their innermost thoughts
best friends 2600 miles apart, their hearts
full of a righteous love
counting cross-continental airline tickets as trifles

the math teacher and the engineer
reveal their innermost thoughts
building a life, a home together
full of a righteous love

Glittering sunshine reflected from the ocean
the math teacher and the engineer
feeling fresh soil beneath fingertips
building a life, a home together

Kristen and Will
a love that will last forever.

Background: I was asked to write them a poem to read during the wedding ceremony, but the main challenge for me is that I have never met Kristen or been around her or seen her with my brother as a couple, so I really don't even know what kind of a couple they are, or who they are are a package. So I asked them to tell me about what it is they love about each other and they both said it's their communication. But as I said, I've never seen them together. I think this would be a cooler poem if I could really actually capture who they are together, but that's impossible since I don't know, and if I just make something up and get it wrong that would be much worse than writing this kind of a poem which doesn't exactly investigate the essence of "true love" but does make a nice statement about two people from opposite sides of the country coming together.

"Tent Revival"

In a church with 50 members
I lip synched Amazing Grace
wondering how I'd been found
without first lost

During my father’s funeral
my collar dipped into a deep “V”
modesty tank kept slipping down
“Cover your boobs,” my mom hissed

The offense, my body,
its curves. its actions. its hungers.
Would she have drowned me
in the baby basin,
had she known how I’d grow?

My mother is a snake
who thinks she’s god.
I lip-synch Amazing Grace
every time she hisses

The offense, my body
its curves. its actions. its hungers.

I lip synched Amazing Grace ”
wondering how I'd been found

“Cover your boobs,” mom hissed.
A little part of me was born

Would she have drowned me
in the baby basin,
had she known how I’d grow?

My mother is a snake
who thinks she’s god

I lip synch Amazing Grace,
wonder had she known I’d grow
curving, active, hungry
a little part of me is born


"Letter Twelve Thousand Miles From Home"

At girl scout camp we huddled in the tent
and cracked ourselves open
like sunflower seeds
a little messy, the salty secrets of childhood
half real, half embellished.
Katie’s smooth button nose
probably wasn’t bitten by a monkey,
and I saw my rotund father’s rotund shadow,
in the hallway, not Santa Claus
but Athena’s new stepfather
might have asked her to touch his cock.
Whether she said did it or not
I can’t remember.

The point of our stories
was to tell what we never said at home
to parents who’d call our bluffs
or take unknown actions,
a freedom of expression
so unlike my community of expat wives
far removed from home
but sipping spiked coffee
and speaking of décor, shopping, and men
we stop short of showing signs of emotion
except the pregnant ones
who have a free pass to speak as they please
then take it all back next time.

Perhaps we see each other
as our own mothers,
so much more adult than ourselves
ready to shatter our fragile fantasies
so we pretend to be what we are not,
which is perfectly sane and normal.
Or at least I think I’m not the only one
a bit off balance from culture shock
women in burkhas, street orphans,
the indiscrimination of petty crime,
and loss of some stable sense of self
that comes from even a crappy job
which I contemplate here in my notebook
of a tent keeping all the sunflower seeds
to myself.

I once knew a guy who drove drunk on a motorcycle at 90 mph down a Florida highway listening to Jacques Brell.

I loved him for it, which is because I was naive. I thought his recklessness signaled an immortality that I now recognize as the same stupidity that made me fail to see him has he was.

Trying to book a hotel for upcoming San Francisco trip!

Anyone have any tips on safety and if Geary street is okay? We are looking at the totally cute Hotel Frank at 386 Geary Street by the Union Square area, but also on the fringes of Tenderloin.

Thanks!

Roasted veggie enchiladas--I WANT. Too bad I already did the grocery shopping for this week. Next week I will get the stuff to make these.

http://www.delish.com/recipefinder/roasted-vegetable-enchiladas-recipe-7605?Gt1=47015

This morning when I walked Jack to the door and kissed him goodbye, we saw a moth fluttering near the doorway.

"Should we let it in?" Jack asked. At first I thought not because poor moth, but then I asked myself what the moth's chances were on the 10th floor anyway, plus how wildlife-deprived Puck and Quilla are, so I said, "Let's just leave the door opena nd see if the moth wants to come inside."

It did.

Puck saw it instantly and started making his "I want, I want, I want" meow. The moth intelligently parked itself about 8 feet above the floor on the wall, and Quilla came to investigate, saw the moth, and started batting at Puck because she wanted to be the one to watch it. That went back and forth, and I went to work out at 9 a.m. By the time I got back, the moth wasn't on that wall anymore, and the cats weren't watching anything, so I figured they'd killed it.

They hadn't! By 3:00 p.m. Quilla had found the moth on the curtains above the couch, and she got on the couch and stretched up, calculating whether she could jump as high as she needed to. Her face had an expression of pure desire. But she could not jump as high as she needed to, so she spent the next hour and a half on the couch watching the moth.

Finally the moth fell off the curtain. I don't know if it couldn't hang on anymore or went to sleep or just gave up on life, but it fell straight down, and Quilla proceeded to bat at it in the cat-like predatory ritual. Unfortunately for her, Puck is not nearly as artful, and he heard the fluttering of wings, ran to the window, caught the moth in his paws, and proceeded to eat it in two bites. For the next five minutes the cats stayed there in the floor like "Is that all there is?" I imagine Quilla was really mad at Puck, although to be fair, he saw the moth first this morning.

What is the state of poetry? What is good contemporary poetry?

Follow this link to Hit and Run Magazine, which published two of my "poems!"

I put poems in quotation marks because they take images of rough drafts. It is a really neat site.

http://hitandrunmagazine.blogspot.com/

http://womens-studies.osu.edu/courses/syllabi/yr2009/pdf/230beaudettewi09.pdf

Behold a link to a syllabus wherein a prof assigned an article of mine for Feb. 19, 2009!

What the hell am I doing?

I have been awake since 2:48 a.m. and now that it's after six, I guess I'm getting up. I felt indigestion I think, but also there is some uncertainty about Jack's job and where we might end up moving, and I had to be "strong" for him last night, but I am a bit unnerved about the not knowing of it all. Then we are throwing a party tomorrow night (Saturday) for CInco de Mayo, so I am cooking a lot of Mexican food, and I haven't found tortillas although I have seen them in the stores here before. A lot of foods like that are sometimes available, but at other times not so much. We have 13-18 guests, so that's a lot of food and booze and hostessing to do. I really hope it goes well and people stay a long time. I bought some flowers and cacti to use as decorations because you can't really buy mexican stuff here. I also glued some red ribbon and yellow roses to a straw hat, but it's not a sombrero by any stretch of the imagination. However only 6 of the guests are American, so the rest won't know the difference anyway.

Otherwise, I spent the first week back in KL just recalibrating myself, and this past week I started making plans to see people and of course planning this party. In the past week I had icecream and cake with Meilani and Ryan, drove myself to IKEA and back (a big deal because of traffic and confusingness of the roads if you don't know what's coming up next), went to Bangsar and had lunch with Zaie who works at the learning center and advised me not to bother volunteering with them because I'd get taken advantage of, had coffee with Noor, lunch at Claire's with Mekhela and Meilani, went to Petaling Street for fresh flowers with Katherine, and got pedicures with Courtney. That's a lot of socializing! I also got two poems accepted for the Dead Mule's summer issue that features writing from people they have published previously, Yay! Last week I went to an Ikebana class that actually kind of sucked because the arrangement died and the teacher was a bit bossy for my taste, and we went to a rug auction and purchased a lovely oriental rug. It is wool and features a garden design, for those who know about such things. We spent too much money but are immensely please with it. So naturally Quilla already scratched it. Also, I gave my maid a box of clothes and shoes and purses I don't use anymore and told her she could take what she liked, so she took every single thing in the box and left my house with a huge smile on her face and many thanks. I have certainly felt like I won the lottery when I got good handmedowns and castoffs from relatives and friends, so I know how it feels to be given nice things you couldn't afford for yourself, and it feels damned good to make someone else feel that way. Unfortunately all this socializing and party planning has put my creative work at a virtual standstill, but next week that changes.

Any recommended "must do's" or "must-see's" in San Francisco?!? Jack and I will be there for a week in June for my brother's wedding.

Yippee!

Like many of you, its been very stressful. Need some love? A kind word? Need moar lulz in your life?

Comment here with anything, and I will say something nice to you.

Just make this post in your lj, so you can spread love too

Seriously, this is worth doing, folks!

Goddess in Retirement

Diana's bosom has shriveled,
nipples eroded from eons of slurping mouths
and she's done using her "inside voice"
or making conversation when she's holding in a fart
and frankly wants to just eat dessert,
but she made broccoli with cheese sauce
for Easter Sunday anyway
tottering from the refridgerator to table
to stove, resting her knees
cartilige worn completely away
she's unable to stand over the boiling pot
for more than a few seconds
so cheese burned into pan
and she served it lumpy, flaked with black
blessing the meal with an aside
that "It's not appropriate
but if anyone has a prayer say it now,"
and her daughter said a grace
for the woman her mother once was
jambalaya and etouffee bursting forth
from her abundant hopes
now weighted down with chronic pain
of living lover than her lover.

Flying into Houston
the speed boats below
look like waterbugs
skating invisible across the water
so that their presence
is only noticeable in the ripples
they leave behind
crisscrossing the wet palimpsest
with flitters of scribble
in an ephemeral flurry
that would be envied by Viking boats
carving simpler patterns
with no one overhead
to pay them notice.
How big those pirates must have felt,
as we too feel in the air
traveling as to create an historical effect
intermingling cultures, customs, and commerce
but individually of no more notice
than the boaters below--
whispers in time.

Tents, Sleeping Bags, and Stories

At girl scout camp we huddled in the tent
and cracked ourselves open
like sunflower seeds
a little messy, the salty secrets of childhood
half real, half embellished.
Katie’s smooth button nose
probably wasn’t bitten by a monkey,
and I saw my rotund father’s rotund shadow,
in the hallway, not Santa Claus
but Athena’s new stepfather
might have asked her to touch his cock.
Whether she said did it or not
I can’t remember.
The point of our stories
was to tell what we never said at home
to parents who’d call our bluffs
or take unknown actions,
a freedom of expression
so unlike my community of expat wives
far removed from home
sipping spiked coffee
and speaking of décor, shopping, and men
stopping short of showing signs of emotion
except the pregnant ones
who have a free pass to speak as they please
then take it all back next time.
Perhaps we’ve each got our own tents
to which we retire after the campfire dies
and we see each other
as our own mothers,
so much more adult than ourselves
ready to shatter our fragile fantasies
so we pretend to be what we are not,
which is perfectly sane and normal.
Or at least I think I’m not the only one
a bit off balance from culture shock
women in burkhas, street orphans,
the indiscrimination of petty crime,
and loss of some stable sense of self
that comes from even a crappy job
so tonight I shimmied into my old sleeping bag
and talked to my cats
keeping all the sunflowers to myself.

On Smokers

I never minded Rebecca's smoking,
standing outside with her between classes
walking to Tammy's Grocery for anther pack,
or holding her cigarette
while she went to the bathroom at a bar,
but her attitude about it
was exhausting. She quit,
then unquit, then planned to quit
every day, believing if she quit by age 30
her lungs could completely heal,
and I would listen
breathing second hand fumes
which was the price I paid
for her company
as 30 came and went,
and I knew plenty of other smokers
who either kicked the habit
or accepted it with the existential calm
of death row, because "if this doesn't kill me first
it's because something else will"
which was my thought on the matter,
how we constantly seal and unseal our fates
choosing flights and crossing streets
washing our hands or not;
not smoking is hedging one bet
in an infinite casino
in which the house always wins.

Once again, I am not entirely happy with the way this ends. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!

Cat people know how to enter a room
unnoticed, stepping gently
more watchful than watched
tails switching with graceful boredom,
and we approach others at whiskers' length,
sniffing for good and bad vibes
with a feigned indifference
only fully understood by those like ourselves
like our friend's cat
who never warms up to strangers
except those who know the dance
of an uncertain predator
awkward without the purpose of prey.
we must first surrender an open palm
to the superior feline,
promise to only stroke when she requests it,
offer unlimited lap time,
and maintain it was all her idea.

I feel like the poem needs a few more lines, or needs some lines rearranged, but this is what I have so far.

Dear Cindy,

We are pleased to inform you that "The Palestinian RN" has been selected for publication in our spring issue. We appreciate your interest in Aunt Chloe and encourage you to submit in the fall for our next issue.

Sincerely,


Aunt Chloe: A Journal of Artful Candor
Spelman College

I wrote the original version of that poem so long ago that it was in the chapbook I made in 2002, but I recently pulled it out, gave it a facelift, and sent it out because it was timely again.

Auntie

So Uncle John's two years behind
on property taxes
his sister discovered
pilfering through the desk drawers
in his guest room

and as Jackie shares this gossip
there's no hint of shame for snooping,
after all look at what she found!

She was engaged forty years ago,
but the one time her mother was right
he got another woman pregnant
before the wedding

and her piano went to the nephew
though without her consent
"You have no one to pass it on"
her mother hissed when confronted.

Now Jackie wants us to sell the damned piano
then give her the money,
and she's biding her time to say
she knew all along about anything
that might go wrong for my marriage

so when she visits I lock our mail away
and prepare to defend
dust mites, childlessness, and a liquor cabinet
against the judgement
of a woman with no reflection.

Commitment

My husband habitually separates his shirts and socks
into separate zipper bags when traveling,
and into the hotel's dresser drawers they go
along with his laptop bag and camera
so unlike my explosion of panties and shoes
onto the unused bed, into the closet,
clothes piled Pollack-esque in both corners
of our one room habitude for two weeks.
If housekeeping takes my earrings
it will be a month or more before I can confirm
I didn't just stick them somewhere else,
but aside from clearing my make-up mirror
off the desktop, or my leaving his nail clippers
out after borrowing
we let each other be our neurotic selves
so different from each other, but exactly alike
in commitment to habit.

Along with my ex's socks and CD's
I almost threw out lacey thongs
and Victoria's Secret satin negliges
because I thought surely no one
was sad enough to buy used lingerie,
but it is the nature of things
to change meaning and use.

After all I bought my first camisole at a Goodwill,
and when a spaghetti strap popped loose
I sewed it back on.
The short, silky slip gave me
a seductive edge with lovers,
made me feel like a woman once they'd gone;
I wore it mopping the floor to Patti Smith,
and checked my mail in it once
half hoping to be seen.

And some girl might sort through this box
exorcising polyester and elastic
for $5 an item because she knows not to wait
to be given what she wants,
though I hope she also senses
even that might not be enough.

Have you ever been to a really good baby shower? What made it good? What time of day was it, did you play games and if so what kind, were there party favors and if so what were they, did you have wine, were men invited and involved?

Several of my LJ friends are mothers-to-be or already mothers. What would you most want from your shower experience (besides gifts of course), or if you've been thrown showers already, what is the best thing you took away from them? I have seen Lottasmile's posts about her shower, and I already agree that there's no need for any games that call attention to my friend's size. She's already self-conscious about that enough.


I am throwing a shower for my friend Claire in Malaysia so I'd like to buy some things for it while I'm back in the U.S. I have only been to showers that were like lady's teas in the afternoon. You drink punch and eat finger food while the future mother opens gifts and ooh and ahh over everything, then leave. I have heard that at other showers people play games and that men even come and might play as well. Claire has never been to a shower and is leaving it in my capable hands.

I'd appreciate any ideas!

Being back in the U.S. is freaking marvelous! There are some things that are striking me differently now.

First of all, you know how recent immigrants have that dopey grin and smile at everyone? I can totally relate. Yes, the wage gap between "haves" and "have-nots" is unacceptable, and yes, the economy is in the tank, but even with those odds, this is still a much better place to be than Malaysia. Coming back helps me see just what the difference is between the first second worlds.

Probably the only criteria in which the second world surpasses the first one is affordable health care. Another thing is that since Malaysia has a zero tolerance on guns policy, there is virtually no gun crime, which is an advantage, but there is a lot more gender-based theft in the second world, and at least in the U.S. the crime is generally confined to certain areas, whereas in KL it can happen anywhere and everywhere, and the police don't give a flying fuck.

Here the police are much better than in KL, too. Yes, American cops can be pricks sometimes, but they will come to you when you call them, and whereas in Lafayette I once got a copt to check out the scene where my bike was stolen off my porch, in KL after I was mugged the police officer at the American Embassy didn't even speak to me, and if indeed he wasn't equipped to help me, well he also didn't bother to help me get to someone who could do so.

There are so many choices in the U.S., too. Don't take your "big box stores" for granted. Hate them as the necessary evils that they are, but don't kid yourself that without them you'd get the same level of selection especially for organic/natural/low fat/fat free/low sugar, etc foods. Don't take mandatory accurate nutrition labels for granted either. Not everyone all over the world has the benefit of knowing exactly what and how much of it is in their food. Drive thru fast food is another one. Yes, despise it as the laziness-inducing, obesity spreading demon, but don't overlook the convenience of not having to pay to park just to pick up a quick meal and be on your way again, or think that nonwestern fast food (known as hawker stall food) is any more healthy. It's mostly fried, and they reuse oil until it turns black, and there's no law enforcement to stop them. Probably the difference is that quantities are smaller.

And I don't even know how to explain this one, but I burn more calories on American exercise equipment. I burned 400 calories in 32 minutes on an elliptical in our hotel gym yesterday, but in KL my best 400 cal time was 34:50. The same principle applies to my stationary bike and treadmill use as well, but the numbers reflect a smaller difference.

So it is easier on the checkbook to be sick in KL, but you will have a harder time keeping your weight under control, and you better hope you never have the need for police.

I kind of feel like I need a tarot card reading.

Today I learned these things:

I can probably edit the American Association mag. There is some beaurocratic b.s. to be worked around, though, and I will be somewhat constricted especially at first. People I have talked to about it who are currently involved have been surprisingly negative, although not outright refusing. Inexplicably reluctuant. Makes me think it might be a minefield.

It MIGHT be possible to work at the learning center part-time instead of as a full-time employee. If I am at all interested to work at the learning center, then I need to tell them my make or break (not working late) and see if they bring a better offer to the table. It's not about money, just about my time.

I was actually asked if I would like to be the new New Members Coordinator by the current one. She had no idea I was eyeing the editorship, but at the very least that is a vote of confidence and a possible way I can still have some behind the scenes involvement with the association if editing doesn't pan out.

Also, I left this out of the polls because there was so much else going on that I forgot about it. An unnamed lj friend gave me a lead for some online standardized test grading, and I got tapped to do something! I intend to accept that regardless of whatever other direction in which I happen to get pulled.

I went to the Prince Court hospital today which I must say kicked ass although I totally paid for it. I had a Ct scan, and I do not have blood clots, however I might have this other heart problem so I am wearing a heart monitor for the next 24 hrs. They are re-doing some blood work related to blood clots being hereditary as well because the blood tests that revealed no abnormalities that I had done in Louisiana were testing my blood after being on blood thinner through an IV, therefore not a reliable indicator. Dipshits. So today I had blood work, four specialist meetings, lung exray, CT scan, heart ecko, and ekg for $1K. That's a lot of money no matter what it's for, but I would get a fraction of those services for that price in the U.S. This is before insurance of course.

I spent last week volunteering at a learning center that is a 25 minutes-hour and a half drive from my condo. How long it takes entirely depends on traffic. The volunteering is a trial to see if I would like to work there full-time and if they would want to hire me to do so. This opportunity has caused me to do a lot of soul searching. The pay is perfectly good by local standards, but is like half what an American public school teacher would make starting out. So, it's not about the money although what I'd make would still totally be helpful to our budget. However, there are other things to consider like paying to park, the stress of the drive, and most importantly the hours. The center is open 9-6:30 M-F, and if you are full-time, then you can be scheduled at any time during the day, and it is not uncommon for someone to be there all day, but have a big gap between appointments, like maybe noon-3 you aren't working. The other employees mostly live in Mount Kiara, so they can go home and come back with little problem. I cannot do that since driving to Mt. K and back to the KLCC area twice in one day would be ridiculous without a good reason. I understand that the Manulife (sp?) Fitness First gym is the closest to where I am teaching, but I don't know how to get to it. If I could work out during my break, that would be helpful. If I could sit somewhere with my laptop that would also be ideal, but I haven't seen anywhere in the Solaris area that has free wi-fi, and if I am paying for wi-fi and buying a coffee every afternoon that will quickly eat into my pay. The long hours would also make it hard to come home and cook dinner because I will be starving and tired. Besides money, a benefit would be that I really like the other employees, and I like the center's mission, which is to make happiness a part of learning. They have a holistic approach and see 1-3 students per employee at a time. It's an educator's dream come true to work so closely with a student, and I would mostly be teaching creative writing and helping with English homework. They are also considering taking on some U of Nottingham students for tutoring, and I would especially be tapped for that job. II would love to do the work, but the hours and commute have me thinking twice about committing myself.

What do you think, and why?

Then also the editor of the American Association's magazine is moving, and I have been tapped as a possible replacement. The job doesn't pay, but it is good experience, and if I do say so myself, I think I could do a lot to improve it.

I choose absolutely not to do both the learning center job and the mag because I don't want to be doing too many things and not spend much time with Jack or focus on my writing.

Also I almost fainted Sunday and my left arm got tingly and cramped up weird which has me scared about the blood clots, so I am going to try to get checked out tomorrow just in case. This is bothering me because I don't want it to get in the way of my trip back to the U.S. We are set to leave this Friday for Houston, and I will return here April 14. Here's hoping for the best!

Yay! Two-Handed Engine Press, a small press out of NYC, is going to publish this poem, http://ladyoracle.livejournal.com/2008/09/10/ which marks the first publication of a poem that I have written since moving to Malaysia. All my other publications have been of poems I wrote before coming here and also while being a grad student and having the benefit of other poets including professors to give me critique. But this poem has been edited a bit since I posted it to LJ, just little things I thought of thanks to your comments and comments I got on Myspace. The press is publishing the poem in an annual anthology, and they are very cool so you should check them out!

Your result for The New Greek Goddess Archetype Test...

You are Athena!

Take The New Greek Goddess Archetype Test at HelloQuizzy

I read the last 200 entries on my LJ friends page, but I know that has probably not done justice for everything I have missed, so if you've got anything you want to tell me or a post you want me to read, please tell me.

Quite a bit has happened with me, I guess. For starters, I am kinda doing a trial period for a job. It is with a learning center, and I would be doing creative writing activities and English tutoring for kids and teenagers and possibly college students with special needs. The job is in Mt, Kiara, so there is a commute for me, and I hate driving in KL. Last night I made one wrong turn and got stuck in traffic for an hour, so my 30 minute drive became an hour and a half. Good thing gas is cheaper now. I like the work, but I am not sure if this is the right job because the hours are weird. You work in the morning and afternoon/evening, 5 days a week with probably a morning or afternoon off one day, depending on how the schedule might pan out. So for instance yesterday I worked as a volunteer 10:30 - noon, then 4:30-6:30. The full time girl I was shadowing worked from 9:00-noon, then 3:00-6:30. That schedule wouldn't be so bad except I don't want to drive home and come back again, and the gym I joined (Fitness First) doesn't have a location there, and I don't want to get home around 7 p.m. every night when I am leaving for work at 8:15 in the morning. Especially not for the amount of money in question, which is a lot by malaysian standards but not much by U.S. standards, so in other words I might be making a half what a public school teacher back home would make starting out. But I want to feel useful, and I really like the atmosphere and the co-workers I would have.

Onto another thing, I have been making more friends and having more things to do, which has taken me away from LJ for a while because while the internet was crappy I started filling my time with other things instead. That's good, but between that and the job prospect I have been feeling very stretched out and feel that I can't keep it up at my current rate of activities.

Oh, and Claire is pregnant so I am throwing her a baby shower!

Okay, I can see why my LJ use has slacked off. It's taking 10-15 minutes for pages to load, and it has been that way for 2+ weeks. I keep doing the bare min and thinking I'll wait and try again later, then later, then tomorrow, then i give up and don't even try for a few days. I finally noticed this when Jack said everyone from where he works has been complaining about home internet, so I guess the coverage is sucking lately for everyone in KL. For some reason Facebook is loading a little faster so I'm doing it more.

Today was week 2 of this three week expat spouse class I am taking. It's only Monday mornings from 9-12, but its been pretty helpful. It's about coping with living here and being without a job and relating to other people. I met Jennifer from the ball pictures there. She and her husband and Claire and Keith are coming over for dinner Saturday, and that will be my first dinner party ever. Ever, folks. Menu TBA.

From AAM Ball

From AAM Ball

And here's 2 more ball pictures. I love how happy we look!!

This hair was three hours in the making at The Belfry salon in Tang's at Pavilion.

From AAM Ball

My dress was a back up for the back up after I gained SEVEN pounds in Jan with a new birth control that yes, oh my goodness, I quit taking now. Anyway, then the dress needed to be shortened, and then I tried to iron it myself and shrank the organza and had to take it to 2 places to get it ironed, and then we had to pin the satin lining because it was too long because the top layer of the dress had shrank. What an ordeal, but I got tons of compliments on it! Our table was another fiasco because I didn't even get the last couple to confirm until Wednesday when the ball was Saturday, and I had already committed to purchase the tickets! Yikes! I have been so stressed and upset about that, but it turned out fine. This pic shows all the women from our table, and then there are couple shots as well.

From AAM Ball

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