{"@attributes":{"version":"2.0"},"channel":{"title":"plenty of drama and homosexuality","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/","description":"plenty of drama and homosexuality - LiveJournal.com","managingEditor":"kyrafic@gmail.com","lastBuildDate":"Tue, 27 Oct 2015 04:44:42 GMT","generator":"LiveJournal \/ LiveJournal.com","image":{"url":"https:\/\/l-userpic.livejournal.com\/132060885\/7930158","title":"plenty of drama and homosexuality","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/","width":"100","height":"100"},"item":[{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24999.html","pubDate":"Tue, 27 Oct 2015 04:44:42 GMT","title":"2015 Yuletide Missive! Before assignments go out even! Wow, I'm good.","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24999.html","description":"O Magical Yuletide Gift-Giver-- !

Thank you so much for writing for me. So excited to see what you come up with! I hope the following is helpful from an idea-generating perspective, but please feel free to write your own thing if that's what you're most excited about.


General Likes, Dislikes and Other Minutiae<\/b>

+ THINGS I LIKE: Some things I love (obviously not all of which will be relevant to all of my requests!): Fic about women. Female friendships. Tropey or cracky fic which is committed to wholeheartedly and finds the cool or powerful or interesting angle of the crazy idea. Details. Unusual narrative styles. Fic that's wistful or funny or about something beyond just the relationship, or about the details of everyday life. I like fic about the feelings of things beginning. I like to know what the weather feels like. I like when those details can make me feel what the character is feeling.

+ THINGS I'M NOT INTO: Character bashing, especially of women. Fic that basically recounts a scene we've seen onscreen. Really heteronormative \"and then they get married and then they have a baby, because that's what you do\" storylines, without some kind of twist or introspection.

+ POLICY RE: SEXY FIC: I AM PRO. Kink is awesome, go crazy. Very very much about dirty fic that stays in character and is creative about whatever's going down: that can mean the dialogue during sex, positions or sex acts outsie the fandom's usual norm, one character surprising the other with some kind of unguessed-at predilection...

+ GOOD RESOURCE IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY TASTE: <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span> gets me.<\/a>

New Girl - Official request:<\/b>

I would LOVE, in approximate descending order: Nick\/Jess\/Schmidt, Nick\/Schmidt, Nick\/Jess\/anyone, Nick\/Jess, Nick\/Kai.

For either Nick\/Jess\/Schmidt or Nick\/Schmidt: those two dudes have SUCH a hilariously fascinating dynamic. Both total bottoms, overly emotionally intimate, toggling between exasperated and fond.

You're in luck (maybe?) -- I have a tag on Tumblr called 'fic I wish existed'<\/a> in which I've been collecting New Girl fic ideas of varying degrees of crackiness and coherence all year: fic I wish existed. (Um, I think they're better the further back you go. Maybe.)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE crazy trope fic or cracked out a\/u premises. I loooove smut and porn, the more unusual or kinkier the better. So what I'm saying is if you want to write a fic where Nick and Jess get accidentally handcuffed together or whatever, I would be into it.

I'm really into that whole getting-together phase, first times, first kisses, crossing the line from friends to more. Please feel free to throw canon to the wind and have Nick and Jess get together from scratch (or from late season 2) as though Cooler or Virgins never happened.

The only things I'm really not a big fan of here are: a\/us where Nick and Jess don't have the same history as they do on the show -- I'm all about how well they know each other, not 'what if they were strangers'. Also don't love established relationship fic with no real arc or plot, or really fluffy fic.

Other things that would be rad: a Cece story that's not about Schmidt, or not about guys in general. Fic about all Nick and Jess's crazy bedroom roleplaying. FIC ABOUT ELIZABETH: being friends with Nick or Jess or Cece or anything. Nick and Kai were hot and fun and interesting!! Random guest stars I'm into: Nadia and Sarah, the red-haired girl from Kids, both make me die laughing with every single line.<\/em><\/blockquote>

Haha, um, evidently I already had a lot to say about this. Won't add anything except the fact that my letter from last year<\/a> also has some things I'd love to see, particularly about Nick\/Schmidt, Nick & Cece and Nick\/Jess time travel.<\/a>

Flash Forward (Disney, 1996) - Official request:<\/b>
Becca\/Tucker future fic would make my LIFE. I utterly adore the last episode of the series and the feel of it -- the sort of awkward excitement of them confessing their past feelings and crushes over the phone, the everything-else-stripped-away seriousness and honesty of that backstage kiss, and of course, as always with them, the sense of all their *history*.
Something set around college or high school or post-college with the two of them getting together would be awesome. Something about transitioning over that line from friendship to more. Or about discovering new things about each other\/seeing each other in a different life (especially if it's during or after college and they've now spent time apart) First time fic (especially porny\/smutty if you're into that!!) would be AMAZING. And like I said, I really dig the awkward\/sweet vibe of the finale.

I think that the final episode (MY FAVORITE) is actually up in YouTube in pieces, or was last time I checked.<\/em><\/blockquote>

Oh, beloved '90s Disney TV show of my heart, someday someone will write you, I hope! To add to all the above, anything that incorporates the backstage kiss into some near or far future would be so clutch.<\/a>

New Girl RPF - Official request:<\/b>

LOVE the idea of either something about the complex work relationship Zooey & Jake have -- this could be either 'shippy or gen. Or else stuff about all the goofiness on set, ESPECIALLY the hilarious relationship between Jake and Max and the running bits they do (pretending they're showbiz managers, Max constantly kissing Jake offscript to see him get all flustered). Also Lamorne and Hannah being awesome pals.

Dream fic: Zooey\/Jake -- what's it like having to kiss and be physically intimate onscreen with your coworker and friend? How do you navigate that? How do you feel knowing it's going to happen and after it's happened? Does it get to feel routine? Awkward? Enjoyable? What about when Liz Meriwether pervs over it (hahaha)?

Backup dream fic: most of the above but for all the Jake\/Max kissing, heh.
Note: I am totally cool with 'shipping any of these characters with other characters, regardless of their marital status (& whether or not you go totally a\/u to get around that issue), but please no wife bashing.<\/em><\/blockquote>

Uh, so, I have a whole tag on Tumblr full of New Girl RPF fodder<\/a>. There's also that interview Jakey J gave recently about wanting to leave Nick with a happy ending; on top of all the things they've both said about how thrilled they were for their characters when their characters got together. That kind of emotional transference is so fascinating to me, in either a 'shippy or gen way.<\/a>

You can also enjoy my Yuletide ramblings from years past?<\/a> All still pretty accurate!","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24999.html?view=comments#comments","category":"yuletide letter"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24720.html","pubDate":"Tue, 28 Oct 2014 01:00:27 GMT","title":"Yuletide letter, Yuletide letter!","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24720.html","description":"Dear Benificent Yulebeing,

HI!  Thank you for writing for meeee!  Some things that might help you out, which you can disregard at will.

Resourcesssss<\/b>

+ I have a Tumblr tag called fic I wish existed <\/i>full of ideas and keymashing.<\/a>
+ All my past Yuletide letters are here!<\/a>
+ If you have questions about my taste, odds are annakovsky<\/a> or blithers<\/a> can help you out.

General Likes, Dislikes and Other Minutiae<\/b>

+ THINGS I LIKE: Some things I love (obviously not all of which will be relevant to all of my requests!): Fic about women. Female friendships. Tropey or cracky fic which is committed to wholeheartedly and finds the cool or powerful or interesting angle of the crazy idea. Details. Unusual narrative styles. Fic that's wistful or funny or about something beyond just the relationship, or about the details of everyday life. I like fic about the feelings of things beginning. I like to know what the weather feels like. I like when those details can make me feel what the character is feeling.

+ THINGS I'M NOT INTO: character bashing, especially of women; fic that basically recounts a scene we've seen onscreen

+ POLICY RE: SEXY FIC: I AM PRO. Kink is awesome, go crazy. Very very much about dirty fic that stays in character and is creative about whatever's going down: that can mean the dialogue during sex, positions or sex acts outsie the fandom's usual norm, one character surprising the other with some kind of unguessed-at predilection...

Request Specifics <\/b>

New Girl<\/b>
Nick\/Schmidt\/Jess OR Nick\/Schmidt OR Nick\/Jess OR Nick\/Cece<\/i><\/blockquote>

For the first two: I am so into all the parts of the Nick and Schmidt dynamic that are extra off-kilter and unique to them: Nick not realizing Schmidt texting him 40 times a day is weird, Schmidt's comments about sexual tension with Nick. I super dig the layers and contrasts of their relationship: fondness and memory and annoyance and interdependence and competitiveness and respect and irritation. Would be really into having that explored in the context of their new room OR with Jess as part of the scene, since I think the ways they each relate to each other become extra fascinating if the third party is involved too. One katrillion bajillion extra bonus points if you write the fic of my heart which is SEXXXX or makeouts with complicated feelings between the three of them.

For the other prompts, I'd love to see Nick and Cece getting to know each other well behind the bar together and getting crushes on each other and ill-advised but enjoyable making out (or whatever you prefer). Nick\/Jess: TIME TRAVEL FIC, where old Nick tries to fix them. Or kinky sex. Or sneaking around together.

Star Trek RPF<\/b>
TNG cast: hijinks and hilarity and on-set shenanigans and being the cast so zany no director could corral them. OR Nimoy Spock\/Kirk feels. OR TNG cast *or* Shatner\/Kirk: kissing your coworker.<\/i><\/blockquote>

When I was a wee teenage fangirl, I was obsessed with the handful of stories Usenet, etc, had brought about the cast of TNG being constantly ludicrous onset.  Patrick Stewart twirling across the holodeck at Tasha Yar's funeral doing his best Sound of Music impression, singalongs on the bridge, sewing Gates into her dress in a car on the way to an event, etc.  Would love something of that spirit captured: injokes and giddiness and what it's like to be an actor around coworkers who see you flip between real persona and character; do you feel goofy and embarrassed or is it just a part of the job you know everyone else will understand?  What if a script calls for kissing between longtime coworker cast members?

Alternately: Nimoy and Kirk\/Spock feelings bleeding into his real life, either away back then or during the timeframe of the new movie.  Would also be super duper into Chris Pine being involved in any way, shut up, I know, I have a problem.

Office RPF<\/b>
Mindy & BJ: playing the game of flirting so publicly, on Twitter, in interviews. The things they say in those mediums that they don't say in person. The way they each feel reading about each other through a third party. And especially the feelings on both sides when things have gotten a little out of control, i.e. Mindy's amazing Howard Stern interview.<\/i><\/blockquote>

So into secret complicated feelings and longing and UST and in this case all their history and the performativity and private, stomach-flipping, legitimate emotions.

Masters of Sex<\/b>

Ladies being friends, being good to each other: Libby, Virginia, Margaret, Essie, anyone else. Happy moments or happy endings.
OR
The first time(s) Bill & Virginia have sex.<\/i><\/blockquote>

This show has bowled me over with feelings for all its complicated, awesome female characters, and their supportive, fascinating relationships and what a strong thread of lightheartedness and kindness runs through them.

ALSOOOOOOOOOOOO, I am so pissed that the show skipped over their whole transition from coworkers to Doing It.  I would like a bajillion filthy details about the personal dynamics of that.
<\/a>

In conclusion, so looking forward to whatever you come up with!! 

(mirrored here<\/a>)","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24720.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","yuletide letter"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24488.html","pubDate":"Sun, 16 Feb 2014 21:33:31 GMT","title":"I sure have written a lot of dumb New Girl fic since I last posted here!","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24488.html","description":"FICTIONAL ITEMS, all New Girl:

What To Do When You Realize You're Really (Really) Into Your Roommate<\/strong><\/a> (Nick\/Jess, G)<\/strong> - An instruction manual.

Mistakes we knew we were making<\/strong><\/a> (Nick\/Jess, NC-17\/M\/Explicit)<\/strong> - Inappropriate laundry room activities, etcetera.

circling all round the sun<\/strong><\/a> (Schmidt, G) -<\/strong>  The day Schmidt wakes up with wings is a Saturday.

Heart Like a Socket<\/strong><\/a> (Nick\/Jess, M)<\/strong> - Written for the Het Big Bang.  Verrah long.   Nick and Jess get married, get cozy, and get each other. In that order.

Your brand is: Winston!<\/strong><\/a> (Winston\/OMC, G)<\/strong> - They don't know that we know that they know, or: Winston's secret boyfriend isn't so secret anymore.  Yuletide 2013.

We become new<\/strong><\/a> (Nick\/Jess, M)<\/strong> - Written for the Porn Battle.  The beginning of happiness
","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24488.html?view=comments#comments","category":["fic","new girl"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24220.html","pubDate":"Tue, 15 Oct 2013 00:27:44 GMT","title":"YULETIDE LETTER: 'bout that time, eh chaps?","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24220.html","description":"(Ugh, LJ is being an asshat about the formatting on this -- mirrored on Tumblr<\/a> where it might be more readable.)

HELLO FRIEND,

Thanks so much for writing for me this year!  Here are some things that might be helpful which you can disregard at will!

General Likes, Dislikes and Other Minutiae<\/b>


+ Some things I love (obviously not all of which will be relevant to all of my requests!): Fic about women.  Female friendships.  Tropey or cracky fic which is committed to wholeheartedly and finds the cool or powerful or interesting angle of the crazy idea.  Details.  Unusual narrative styles.  Fic that's wistful or funny or about something beyond just the relationship, or about the details of everyday life. I like fic about the feelings of things beginning. I like to know what the weather feels like.  I like when those details can make me feel what the character is feeling.<\/span>

+ Totally all about dirty fic if you want to work that in there: kink is awesome, go crazy.  Very very much about dirty fic that stays in character and is creative about whatever's going down.

+ Dislike: character bashing, especially of women; fic that basically recounts a scene we've seen onscreen

+ All my past Yuletide letters are here!<\/a>

+ Person most qualified on this planet to answer questions wrt my fic tastes: <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span> and for additional New Girl support, blithers<\/a>.

+ I run my mouth off way too much on Tumblr.<\/a><\/blockquote>


My actual requests, plus commentary:



Request #1: New Girl<\/b>


'ships I love: Nick\/Jess (uh, obvs), Nick\/Jess\/Schmidt and Nick\/Schmidt, Nick\/Jess\/anyone else<\/i>

You're in luck (maybe?) -- I have a tag on Tumblr called 'fic I wish existed' in which I've been collecting New Girl fic ideas of varying degrees of crackiness and coherence all year: fic I wish existed<\/a>    (Um, I think they're better the further back you go. Maybe.)<\/i><\/div>

I LOVE LOVE LOVE crazy trope fic or cracked out a\/u premises.  I loooove smut and porn, the more unusual or kinkier the better.

I'm really into that whole getting-together phase, first times, first kisses, crossing the line from friends to more.  Please feel free to throw canon to the wind and have Nick and Jess get together from scratch as though Cooler or Virgins never happened.<\/i>

The only things I'm really not a big fan of here are: a\/us where Nick and Jess don't have the same history as they do on the show -- I'm all about how well they know each other, not 'what if they were strangers'.  Also don't love established relationship fic with no real arc or plot.  Or fic where Jess calls Nick 'Nicholas', haha, idk.<\/i><\/div><\/blockquote>


Other things that would be rad: a Cece story that's not about Schmidt, or not about guys in general.  Fic about all Nick and Jess's crazy bedroom roleplaying.  FIC ABOUT ELIZABETH: being friends with Nick or Jess or Cece or anything.  Nadia and Sarah, the red-haired girl from Kids, both make me die laughing with every single line.

Here are some of my fav fics in the fandom<\/a> (with excerpts of some fav bits).

[[UPDATED for Yuleporn<\/a> to add: I would LOVE smutty fic for Nick\/Jess (or Nick\/Jess\/Schmidt).  Kink-related suggestions INCLUDE: powerplay stuff, bondage, pegging, eavesdropping.  And finding out stuff about what turns each other on in bed, whether kinky or vanilla.]]<\/i>

Request #2: New Girl RPF<\/b>


LOVE the idea of either something about the complex work relationship Zooey & Jake have -- this could be either 'shippy or gen -- or stuff about all the goofiness on set, ESPECIALLY the hilarious relationship between Jake and Max and the running bits they do (pretending they're showbiz managers, Max constantly kissing Jake offscript to see him get all flustered).  Also Lamorne and Hannah being awesome pals.<\/i>

Dream fic: Zooey\/Jake -- what's it like having to kiss and be physically intimate onscreen with your coworker and friend?  How do you navigate that?  How do you feel knowing it's going to happen and after it's happened?  Does it get to feel routine?  Awkward? Enjoyable?  What about when Liz Meriwether pervs over it (hahaha)? <\/i><\/div>

Backup dream fic: most of the above but for all the Jake\/Max kissing, heh.<\/i><\/div>

Note: I am totally cool with 'shipping any of these characters with other characters, regardless of their marital status (& whether or not you go totally a\/u to get around that issue), but please no wife bashing.<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>

Some relevant tags on my Tumblr for inspiration\/expansion of the above:
New Girl RPF<\/a>
behind the scenes<\/a>.

Request #3: Flash Forward (the Disney Channel show from 1996)<\/b><\/p>


Becca\/Tucker future fic would make my LIFE. I utterly adore the last episode of the series and the feel of it -- the sort of awkward excitement of them confessing their past feelings and crushes over the phone, the everything-else-stripped-away seriousness and honesty of that backstage kiss, and of course, as always with them, the sense of all their *history*.<\/i>

Something set around college or high school or post-college with the two of them getting together (or getting BACK together, ooh) would be awesome. Something about transitioning over that line from friendship to more. Or about discovering new things about each other\/seeing each other in a different life (especially if it's during or after college and they've now spent time apart) First time fic (especially porny\/smutty if you're into that!!) would be AMAZING. And like I said, I really dig the awkward\/sweet vibe of the finale.<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>

Every year it's nominated I request this!  Maybe someday I'll actually get it!  Heh.  I think that the final episode (MY FAVORITE) is actually up in YouTube in pieces, or was last time I checked.<\/span>

<\/p>

Request #4: 20th Century RPF, Hemingway\/Fitzgerald<\/b><\/p>




The one where Hemingway and Fitzgerald have a weird and complicated relationship full of sexual attraction and competition and professional intimacy and getting very very drunk in bars all over Europe.

IDEALLY slash: though this can be anything from vague longing to full-on porn or smut. (No Zelda bashing, please.)

Item: Hemingway liked to tell a story about how Fitzgerald took him into a bar bathroom and showed him his dick, to see if Hemingway thought it was normal-sized, since he was worried about pleasing Zelda.

Item: It's pretty much universally agreed that this story is not true, which means Hemingway made up a story about Fitzgerald's junk.

Item: Hemingway on Fitzgerald: "a man then who looked like a boy with a face between handsome and pretty . . . and a delicate long-lipped Irish mouth that, on a girl, would have been the mouth of a beauty."

"The mouth worried you until you knew him and then it worried you more."

And: "he was cynical and funny and very jolly and charming and endearing, even if you were careful about anyone becoming endearing."

Item: Hemingway basically wrote The Sun Also Rises to be "a greater Gatsby" (uh, not my phrase), because he wanted to one-up Fitzgerald. Gatsby, of course, is about a bisexual guy obsessed with the dapper party-thrower next door, and The Sun Also Rises is about a guy who can't do it with women and gets waaaay weird around gay guys.

Item: Hemingway joked that he was going to call The Sun Also Rises: "The Sun Also Rises (Like Your Cock If You Have One): A Greater Gatsby (Written With the Friendship of Scott Fitzgerald)"

Item: Fitzgerald wrote Hemingway letters where he calls himself "this old whore".

Item: ALCOHOL.

Item: Hemingway:



Item: Fitzgerald:
\"\"

Item: There are no second acts in American lives. (Haha, uh, I just like the quote.)<\/i><\/blockquote>

Heh, um, what more can I add that's relevant to this?  I'm okay with dubcon?  Having other modernists swing through the story would make me nerdgasm?<\/p>
<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/24220.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","yuletide letter"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23966.html","pubDate":"Fri, 26 Apr 2013 19:15:04 GMT","title":"NICK + JESS FIRST TIME COMMENTFICATHON","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23966.html","description":"

\"Nick<\/div>

Nick + Jess First Time Commentficathon<\/b><\/span><\/p>

Let's Have A Three-Some<\/s> Ficathon!<\/b><\/span><\/p>

Is there anything better than the thrill of fic about a pairing hooking up for the first time?  All that adrenaline and discovery!  Also how are we going to make it through this last weekend 'til a new episode?<\/p>

Rules: <\/b><\/p>

1. Write fic of any length about Nick and Jess' first time getting it on.<\/p>

2. You can define what you want that to mean, on the sexytimes spectrum from just-beyond-makeouts to full-on banging.<\/p>

3. Fic can be set at any point in canon through 2x22, Bachelorette Party, OR at any point in the future based on your own speculation.  It should NOT be based on spoilers for upcoming episodes.  We're doing our own thing.  (Crazy A\/Us totally cool too, of course.)<\/p>

4. Post it on LJ or Tumblr or AO3 before Tuesday night's new episode and link it here on Tumblr<\/a> or i<\/a>n this entry<\/a>.<\/b><\/p>

5. Stay tuned to the master list of all fic.  And make it through 'til Tuesday with your sanity intact!<\/p>

<\/p>

<\/p>Fic Master List<\/b>
+ Makes Mouths Happy<\/a> by <\/span><\/a>throwingpens<\/b><\/a><\/span>\/<\/span>iloveyouandilikeyou<\/a>
+ we are the wild youth<\/a> by <\/a>care_says<\/b><\/a><\/span>
+ Mistakes we knew we were making<\/a> by <\/a>kyrafic<\/b><\/a><\/span>
+ The Competition<\/a> by ohm-nom-nom<\/a>
<\/a>

--<\/p>

<\/a>A few ideas to get you started, free for the taking.  Or come up with your own, obvs!<\/p>

After Jess moved in, when she kept saying she could be a bro.  In Nick's childhood bedroom in Chicago.  Super awkward sex.  Fic where one of them has an unexpected kink. True American gets out of control.  Shower sex.  Nick goes down on Jess.  If Jess were really into how Nick looks in a tie.  Because they have to share a bed on a road trip. Because they're pretending to be dating at a family reunion.  Jess goes down on Nick.  On a dare.  On a bet.  Jess decides to be Katie again.  Because the Remy threesome situation got out of control.  Thanks to Nick's sexy handymanning.  Thanks to Jess' short shorts and skirts.  A game of sexual chicken.  Makeup sex.  Alone in the hot air balloon.  Julius Pepperwood takes things a little too far.  On a camping trip.  During a zombie apocalypse.  Having a threesome with Angie.  Because Jess becomes a burlesque dancer after she gets laid off and Nick finds out.  Because they think they can be friends with benefits.  Because booze.  Nick gives her sex tips during Bad in Bed and things get out of hand. Because Jess has got the dirty twirls, Schmidty.  Because he moved back in.  What he thinks when her bra comes off.  What she discovers about what he's like in bed.<\/p>

Because he said "prove it".<\/p>

Because she kissed him back.

--

Please link far and wide; more fic for all!<\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23966.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23784.html","pubDate":"Tue, 23 Apr 2013 04:11:55 GMT","title":"Oh hi.","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23784.html","description":"I guess I haven't mentioned, but like everyone else I caved and got a fannish Tumblr<\/a> and have a STRONG AND BURNING NEED to discuss New Girl pretty much 24 hours a day. If you're into that kind of thing. (I-- I even have a tag.<\/a>)

kyrafic.tumblr.com<\/a><\/font>

That is all.

Oh, wait, it's not all: since I'm posting anyway: if you're not watching New Girl YOU REALLY SHOULD. It's hilarious and super<\/a> pretty<\/a> and hella 'shippy. [Obvs I am having a serious Nick\/Jess problem, but Nick\/Schmidt is my stealth OTP.]

It also has this gentleman's face<\/a>. It is not a terrible face. Plus the writing is ACE (JJ \"Mrs. Mose Schrute\" Philbin in the houuuuse!) and it's doing all these crazy, interesting, daring things this season and I'm loving it.

And yes, I am embarrassed that this is apparently the next hill my fannish feelings have chosen to live and die on. But the heart wants what it wants, etcetera etcetera.","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23784.html?view=comments#comments","category":["elsewhere","new girl"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23315.html","pubDate":"Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:40:32 GMT","title":"Fic: What To Do When You Realize You're Really (Really) Into Your Roommate (New Girl, Jess\/Nick)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23315.html","description":"

Yeah, so this is a thing that is happening to me hardcore.

Title:<\/b> What To Do When You Realize You're Really (Really) Into Your Roommate
Story info:<\/b> New Girl, Jess\/Nick. An instruction manual.
Notes:<\/b> Set after Tinfinity. Squeaking in under the wire to post before this gets jossed.

Thanks to <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>fearlessfan<\/b><\/a><\/span> for fielding A WHOLE LOT of emails from me lately about Apt 4D.

[Mirrored at AO3<\/a>]<\/p>

1. Freak out. Because it's not like you thought this was going to happen. Sure, you'd definitely once or twice or several times thought about him in a naked way, but that's only to be expected since he sleeps right across the hall and sometimes he's not sleeping alone and so sometimes you hear things. That make you sort of imagine what's causing those particular sounds.<\/p>

There also might have been a couple of dreams that should have clued you in. But dreams definitely aren't allowed to count for anything.<\/p>

And oh yeah, there was that one time he grabbed you and kissed you like the two of you were on the front of one of those romance novels always floating around the teacher's lounge. Like someone's bodice would have gotten ripped if a bodice had been around.<\/p>

But still. You should have had some warning this was going to happen. Your feelings have hijacked you into doing a lot of stupid things before, but this might take the cake. The entire, three-tier, cream cheese frosting-covered cake.<\/p>

 <\/p>

2. Reassess. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe when you were watching Conan the other night and he plopped down beside you and he smelled kind of sweaty but it wasn't gross sweaty, it was manly-man sweaty, in a way that made you want to lick a looooong stripe all the way up his neck-- maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe it's that time of the month when you just want to jump on everything that moves. Maybe it's long-lingering hormones from that previously mentioned crazy kissing situation. Like it's just a sex thing. Like it was with Sam, when you wanted him because of how he'd grab you and pin you down and tug on your hair and make you see stars.<\/p>

Except. It's not just a physical thing, because you get that stupid little twirl in your stomach when you get a text and you see it's from him. You lie in bed in the morning listening to him sing Journey in the shower. (Even though you once got in a fight with him because you said Don't Stop Believin' was the ultimate song to close out a night at a bar and he said the only thing worse than that song was ABBA, Jessica<\/em> and he'd fight a whole bar full of Journeys to prove it.)<\/p>

If it were just a physical thing, it would be so much easier to explain the shivery feeling you get when you're looking in the fridge and he comes up behind you and reaches around to grab the milk, his front brushing against your back. You wouldn't have to worry about what it means when you're out somewhere with a group and he quirks an eyebrow at you with a little smirk, like you're co-conspirators, and you blush so hard you can see it when you glance down at your own chest.<\/p>

If all you wanted was to bang your roommate, you could probably just find someone else to hook up with or wait things out with some careful under-the-covers imagination fests.<\/p>

But no such luck, Jessica Day. This. Is. Happening.<\/p>

 <\/p>

3. Get weird. Weird enough that he notices, which is a lot, because your normal bar is pret-ty<\/em> high on this particular metric. But you can't help it. Every time he walks within like twelve feet of you, your skin starts tingling a little, like it's wondering if he's going to up and grab you again. Which he doesn't, because he's just Nick, just your normal, schlubby, grumpy roommate. Wiping his mouth on the shoulder of his t-shirt while he eats spaghetti. Bitching loudly about the Old Navy mannequin ads.<\/p>

But you still sneak peeks at him out of the corner of your eye at dinner, and watch him working the bar when he hasn't noticed you're there yet: smiling at customers while he swipes their credit cards, sleeves rolled up so you can see his forearms. Which is what you're staring at when he does notice you're there and says "Hey!" and you squeak and fall off your barstool. Yeah.<\/p>

"Are… you okay?" he says when you pick yourself up, trying not to look around to see how many people noticed that. He looks concerned, which it turns out is one of your favorite Nick faces, but even if he buys your story this time about an inner ear.. thing, it's not going to explain everything else.<\/p>

Like why the tea you're drinking suddenly goes down your windpipe when he walks into the kitchen, so you have a crazy coughing fit. Or how you got frozen trying to decide whether you should or shouldn't sit next to him on the couch and ended up watching Jeopardy standing up for the whole show. Et cetera. You get a lot of practice at ignoring his what-the-hell-you-weirdo look.<\/p>

 <\/p>

4. Get strategic. Try aversion therapy. Remind yourself of every gross or infuriating thing he's ever done. (Let's be honest, it's not a short list.)<\/p>

The thing where he takes all the leftovers out of the fridge and eats them in disgusting combinations that should never coexist. The thing where sometimes he sleeps without a pillowcase. How he fills up his gas tank like $7 at a time, half of it in change. When he picks fights with baristas at Starbucks about how "tall" does not mean "small", like they have anything to do with that decision.<\/p>

Remind yourself of every gross, embarrassing thing you've<\/em> done in front of him. Like how he's seen the thousand times you've washed your bangs in the bathroom sink because you were running late and didn't have time to shower. He definitely knows how often you eat food you've dropped on the floor or down your shirt, and how when you're sick you just stuff a tissue up your nose to pre-empt having to blow it.<\/p>

It works in that you feel pretty freaking embarrassed for both of you. It doesn't work in that you're still imagining what his face would look like if you took off your shirt in front of him.<\/p>

 <\/p>

5. Get caught.<\/p>

It's possible your chin was in your hand and you were watching Nick across the breakfast table: chewing on a pen and glaring at the sudoku in the newspaper. It's possible you were having a little daydream about crawling into his lap and straddling him on the couch.<\/p>

When Schmidt suddenly gasps, bursting your bubble. He's looking back and forth between you and Nick.<\/p>

"Are you--?" he says to you. "You are! No.<\/em>" he says, like you're a dog gnawing on a shoe, and then he actually wags his finger at you. "Uh-uh. No."<\/p>

"What?!" you say, real fast, jerking backwards in your chair so quickly you almost tip over. "Schmidt! I wasn't -- I don't know what you're talking about."<\/p>

Schmidt glowers at you and takes a big bite of his bagel, but still manages to make something like a tsking noise around all the cream cheese in his mouth.<\/p>

"I thought I'd made myself clear about this," he says when he swallows.<\/p>

Nick has looked up and is frowning back and forth between the two of you.<\/p>

"Is this about who forgot to clean the cookie sheets again?"<\/p>

"Yes," you say really fast and jump up to take your bowl of oatmeal to the sink, thinking Don't tell, don't tell, don't tell.<\/em><\/p>

And somehow, miraculously, he doesn't. Let your shoulders relax a little as Nick rifles through the other sections of the paper and starts talking about spring training. Sneak out of the room before anything else can happen. If Schmidt's still giving you narrowed eyes when you look back over your shoulder, just ignore it.<\/p>

 <\/p>

6. Get brave. The status quo isn't working. You have to do something. Brainstorm. If not telling him hasn't worked, it's going to have to be telling him. So. That's just what you'll do.<\/p>

Stand up during a boring part of The Fifth Element (weirdly one of the movies on the short and important list of things you're both willing to watch) and go to the bathroom. Splash some water on your face and look in the mirror and set your jaw.<\/p>

Back in the living room sit down on the couch so close that your sides are touching, his leg against your leg, your arm against his arm. Pretend you don't notice when he looks over at you with surprise.<\/p>

 <\/p>

7. Chicken out. You can't, you can't, you can't. It's terrifying! How on earth did he muster up the nerve to grab you in the first place! Sounds of terror and angst!<\/p>

 <\/p>

8. Get reckless.<\/p>

You're leaning against the kitchen counter and he's reaching for something on the top cabinet shelf, so his shirt rides up and you can see the strip of skin above his jeans, that little dip of muscle that's your favorite part on a guy. You don't even think, you're reaching out and sliding your hand across it before you even realize it.<\/p>

He jumps and then goes very still. You're still staring at your hand where it's touching him but when you make yourself look up, he's watching you. He lowers his arms slowly, the soft hem of his t-shirt brushing against the back of your hand and your brain starts sending signals to your body again and you snatch your hand away.<\/p>

"So my manly physique finally won you over?" he says, but it sounds a little forced. He's holding the package of ramen he was reaching for and the apartment is so quiet you can hear a clock ticking in Schmidt's room, the very distant hum of traffic on the highway.<\/p>

And you've come this far, so you wrap your hands in his shirt and pull him down and kiss him. He's not the only one who can rock the sneak attack.<\/p>

His free hand goes to your waist and his mouth opens up to you right away, like he's been waiting for this, and you're so full of adrenaline and want you can barely think straight. You want to remember everything, the shape of his mouth, his fingers splayed across your back, the ramen package hitting the floor as he brings his other hand up to your jaw. The noise he makes when you catch his bottom lip in your teeth. He's warm<\/em>, warmer than you and your bodies are touching almost everywhere, and his hand slides down from your waist to squeeze your ass. You make a noise that's half whimper, half groan.<\/p>

When you finally stop and step back it's only because if you keep going you're probably not going to be able to keep your clothes on for very much longer. He looks as surprised as you've ever seen him.<\/p>

"What the hell, Jess," he says, breathing hard, and it makes a thrill go all the way down your spine.<\/p>

Take a breath. Say: "I couldn't help it."<\/p>

His eyes go wide a little bit. Your lips feel bruised in a throbby, amazing way, just like last time.<\/p>

"I thought," he says. "I thought things were just getting normal after, you know, that last time."<\/p>

Shake your head.<\/p>

"I don't want normal," you say. "I want. You?"<\/p>

Your stomach lurches in a complicated mix of terror and relief. You did it. You said it.<\/p>

Wait while he frowns at you for a second and then starts to chuckle in a tight little way.<\/p>

"Right," he says. "Very funny. You're messing with me. Is this because of the thing with the toothpaste?"<\/p>

You don't say anything, just keep looking at him and watch while his sarcastic smile fades. You see the moment he gets it, realizes you're not kidding.<\/p>

"I know," you say and shrug a little. "I'm pretty surprised, too."<\/p>

You're feeling all exposed here, because hi, you've put yourself waaay out there, and you think, no, dude, just don't panic, anything but panic<\/em> but it's too late, that's just what's happening. Nick swallows hard and puts his hands up a little, like you're a stray dog he's kind of afraid of.<\/p>

"I don't-- but the-- that is--" He's backing away from you and you say "No, don't," in your best stern teacher voice, but it's too late, he's turned tail and run for the nearest door, which is of course Schmidt's bedroom. "Nick!" you say over the sound of the door slamming.<\/p>

"Seriously?<\/em>" you yell after him. "This is seriously what you're doing right now?" Oh god, he drives you crazy. There's a faint thud on the other side of the door that sounds like it's probably his head.<\/p>

"Don't eat my ramen," he yells after a minute. "That's the last packet."<\/p>

You're still thinking angrily of all the ways you want to tell him he's a crazy person when Winston and Schmidt clatter in, back from their jog, arguing about whether pilates is inherently womanly. There's no time to pretend you're not sitting on the floor with your back against Schmidt's door, so you give an exaggerated shrug when they come in the kitchen in their sweaty man clothes and find you there.<\/p>

"Nick locked himself in there," you say. "I think he's experimenting with your anti-aging regimen."<\/p>

"What?!" Schmidt says and you have to slide out of the way super fast as he throws himself against the door, jiggling the locked handle. "Nick! What are you doing in there?? Don't touch the creams! Do you know how expensive they are?!"<\/p>

Winston takes a gulp of his Vitamin Water and gives you the side-eye as you stand up and edge away from Schmidt's yelling.<\/p>

"Something's up with you lately," he says, and you open your eyes really wide in your best impression of confused innocence.<\/p>

"I don't-- What?" you say.<\/p>

"Are you reading all the way through Harry Potter again?" he says. "You always get all …emotional. And jumpy."<\/p>

You heave a sigh and make a guilty face.<\/p>

"I thought I'd be okay this time," you say. "But Dumbledore, you know?? And Umbridge makes me so mad<\/i>."<\/p>

"Noooope," says Winston and holds up a hand. "Rule 16, still in effect." Rule 16 says you're not allowed to talk about Harry Potter characters unless someone else brings it up first. No one else ever brings it up first.<\/p>

"NICHOLAS," says Schmidt. "Are you feeling your mortality, is that what this is about?"<\/p>

You escape to your room and cry into your pillow way less than you would have expected. So that's kind of a victory, right?<\/p>

 <\/p>

9. Run. Spend the night at Cece's, even if it means having Nadia sit across the table the next morning staring at you while you eat your breakfast cereal. ("Meelk," she says. "Juice of cow. Is yuck." Yuck is her new favorite English word. A lot of things are yuck.)<\/p>

"Maybe I should just take it back," you say to Cece later, picking through her vast and endless nail polish collection. "It's like living in a wildlife refuge for emotionally stunted man-children, I swear. Ooh, what's that one?"<\/p>

Cece hands you the bottle of Nein! Nein! Nein! OK Fine! and you shake it lightly.<\/p>

"Maybe you just need to get him out of your system," she says. "Just do him a few times and you'll be able to move on. That can be a thing. Trust me."<\/p>

"Maybe," you say doubtfully and bend over your thumbnail, smoothing the brush carefully over it even though you know it'll be chipped by dinnertime.<\/p>

 <\/p>

10. Get lucky. It takes two awkward, stomach-churning days of gross things like both of you being overly polite to each other and making excuses not to be in the same room. One of you is going to get whiplash from looking away so fast every time you make accidental eye contact. You spend a lot of time in your room, scrolling through the Smitten Kitchen archives and pretending you're not listening to hear where in the apartment he is.<\/p>

It's later than you meant it to be when you head to the bathroom to brush your teeth for bed. But instead you almost run headlong into Nick, lurking outside your door with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He's pacing and stops in his tracks when you open the door.<\/p>

"Wh--," you say, surprised. "How long have you been out here??" He frowns, skin wrinkling between his eyebrows.<\/p>

"Can I come in?" he says, and doesn't wait for an answer, just brushes by you into your room. You frown and shut the door behind you, hands on the knob, shoulder blades against the door, heart starting to beat faster.<\/p>

"What?" you say, suspicious. It's possible this is just going to be another 40 minute conversation about zombie biology. Nick gets weird when he's writing.<\/p>

"So that thing," he says. "With the? And you?"<\/p>

You squint at him. He winces and takes a deep breath.<\/p>

"You know I'm a mess, right?" he says. "I have like three unpaid parking tickets right now. I'm in my thirties and I'm still scared to go into a bathroom without a light on in case Bloody Mary jumps out of the mirror. I get really really weird about the people I'm dating. I almost definitely do not know all the crazy sex stuff Sam did. Yesterday at work I ate a whole jar of maraschino cherries. I think I need glasses but I'm too broke to go find out. I--"<\/p>

Press your lips together and shake your head at him so he stops. Look at each other in the silence.<\/p>

"But I just," he says. "I just can't not."<\/p>

Your stomach does a swirly kind of thing and your heart is going like crazy now.<\/p>

"Nick?" you hear yourself say in a small voice and he takes a step toward you and then another, 'til he's standing right in front of you, looking down, not breaking eye contact at all. You can hear "Walking on Sunshine" start playing in your head and you bite your lip so you don't accidentally start singing. He's so close you can smell the sweaty, aftershavey smell of him, see the pulse jumping in his throat.<\/p>

This time when he kisses you, you're more than ready.<\/p><\/div>
<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23315.html?view=comments#comments","category":["jess\/nick","new girl"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23124.html","pubDate":"Thu, 21 Feb 2013 20:06:56 GMT","title":"Fic: Like Taking Candy (New Girl)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23124.html","description":"Sorry for completely spamming y'all's friendslists today, BUT: I come with not one fic to post BUT TWO! Yes, I know, it's completely unprecedented.

Title:<\/b> Like Taking Candy
Fandom:<\/b> New Girl
Details:<\/b> Nick\/Jess, kinda.
Notes:<\/b> FOR <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span>, ON THE OCCASION OF HER BIRTH. (Well, anniversary of her birth.) If you send me enough emails about New Girl babyfic, this is what happens. Warning: The only episodes of New Girl I've ever seen have been on planes! I have no idea what I'm doing, yay!

Also written for my curtainfic trope_bingo square<\/a> (and\/or using my wild card square as 'babyfic'... SO INDECISIVE) and<\/i> the February <\/a>nothing_hip<\/b><\/a><\/span> song challenge!! So multiapplicable!

Mirrored on AO3<\/b><\/a>

So show me family<\/i> [The Lumineers, Hey Ho]

Jess is sitting in the middle of the living room with a baby. Like it's perfectly normal. Nick closes the door, drops his keys in the bowl, and clears his throat warily.

\"Jess,\" he says pleasantly. \"Why the hell do you have a baby?\"

\"Oh hey, Nick!\" Jess says brightly, and stops pretending to eat the baby's toes long enough to look up at him. \"Baby, this is Nick. Nick, this is \u2026 Baby.\"

Nick circles the couch, undoing the buttons on his shirt 'til it hangs open over his undershirt. He flops down on the end of the couch farthest away from Jess and the child thing.

\"The baby doesn't have a name?\" he asks.

\"I'm thinking of calling her Moonpie,\" she says thoughtfully. \"Or maybe Josephine.\"

\"Jess,\" he says in his best you're-a-crazy-person-but-I'm-going-to-act-calm voice. \"Where'd you get the baby?\"

\"Nick,\" she says back, mimicking his tone. \"I found her.\"

The baby has been staring at him silently, sucking on her fist (at least Nick thinks it's a she -- trust Jess to put pink socks on a baby boy to challenge gender binaries or whatever), but now she whimpers and starts to fuss.

\"Oh!\" Jess says, \"I forgot!\" She jumps up and thrusts the baby at him.

\"No, wait, wha--\" Nick says but it's too late, he's already holding her and Jess has dashed over to the kitchen.

\"I was making her a bottle,\" Jess says and grabs something out of the microwave.

\"Is that breast milk in our microwave?\" Nick says. \"Please tell me you didn't just heat breast milk in our microwave.\"

Jess ignores him and does something inscrutable to the bottle. In his arms the baby twists around to try to see Jess, and then turns back to stare at him. Her hand is super tiny and curled into a fist. He touches it with one finger and then makes a face. Drool. Gross.

\"Here,\" Jess says, suddenly behind him, and scoops up the baby and a throw pillow all in one motion.

\"Let's set her up like this,\" she says and plops the pillow on his lap so it's tilted slightly toward him, and lies the baby down gently on top of the pillow. Turns out she's weirdly good with babies. Typical.

\"So first you test the bottle like this,\" she says, upending the bottle and letting a couple of drops fall on the inside of her wrist. \"To make sure it's not too hot or cold.\"

On his lap the baby kicks against his stomach.

\"And then you give it to her, like this,\" she says, and gets the bottle into his hand before he knows it, and guides it into her mouth.

The baby latches on immediately and starts gulping down the milk faster than he would have expected. She's stopped kicking and instead has made unbreakable eye contact with him while she eats. Drinks. Whatever. He finds himself weirdly unable to look away.

Jess adjusts the angle he's holding the bottle at and then sits back against the arm of the couch, watching them with her head tilted thoughtfully.

\"Where did you actually get this baby?\" he asks, but more softly.

Jess sighs like he's ruining her fun.

\"It's my friend Sasha's sister's. I'm babysitting so they can get mani\/pedis. But wouldn't it be better if I just found a baby? And then we had to all bring it up together, like on a sitcom?\"

The baby hiccups, but doesn't slow down.

\"Winston could teach her a mean free throw,\" he says. \"Schmidt would\u2026 teach her terrible pick-up lines?\"

\"Or worse,\" Jess says darkly.

She takes a breath like she's about to say something else, but doesn't. Nick almost looks over at her, but he can't tear himself away from these crazy baby eyes, still looking up at him so intently. It's late afternoon, sunlight streaming in through the windows and making the room warm and bright. Nick doesn't say anything and neither does Jess and for a while they just sit there, watching the baby eat.
<\/a><\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23124.html?view=comments#comments","category":["trope bingo","new girl"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23020.html","pubDate":"Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:52:24 GMT","title":"My Trope Bingo card.","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23020.html","description":"Guess whaaaat I signed up for \"[personal<\/a>trope-bingo<\/b><\/a><\/span> at Dreamwidth. Because I frigging love me a ridiculous fanfiction trope. Here's my card! W-we'll see how far I get? All the ones I really want to do aren't in line with each other at all, ha.

\n \n \n \n \n
au: circus<\/td> \nin vino veritas \/ drunkfic<\/td> \nau: steampunk<\/td> \nau: all-human<\/td> \nau: hooker \/ porn \/ stripper<\/td><\/tr>
virginfic \/ secretly a virgin<\/td> \ngame night<\/td> \ncurtainfic<\/a><\/td> \nlocked in<\/td> \nau: college \/ highschool<\/td><\/tr>
mind control<\/td> \nhandcuffed \/ bound together<\/td> \nFREE
\u2605
SPACE<\/td> \n		slavefic<\/td> \ncelebratory kiss<\/td><\/tr>
au: historical<\/td> \nau: space<\/td> \nde-aged<\/td> \nau: other<\/td> \nau: were \/ vamp \/ supernatural<\/td><\/tr>
kiss to save the day<\/td> \nau: band<\/td> \npresumed dead<\/td> \ntime travel<\/td> \nhuddle for warmth<\/td><\/tr><\/table>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/23020.html?view=comments#comments","category":["challenge","trope bingo"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22575.html","pubDate":"Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:39:41 GMT","title":"Fic: The Right Hand of Light (Hainish Cycle)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22575.html","description":"Oh hey, maybe now that it's LATE FEBRUARY I should do my Yuletide reveal post???

I wrote for The Left Hand of Darkness, part of the Hainish Cycle by Ursula K. Le Guin, aka possibly my favorite book series of all time. (Interestingly, it's actually one of my least favorite books in the series; not because I don't like it, but because most of the others are EVEN BETTER.)

Title:<\/b> The Right Hand of Light
Fandom:<\/b> The Left Hand of Darkness (Hainish Cycle)
Details:<\/b> Genly Ai\/Therem Harth. What Genly did not tell.
Notes:<\/b> Written for <\/a>balder12<\/b><\/a><\/span> in Yuletide 2012. Thanks to <\/a>care_says<\/b><\/a><\/span> for help brainstorming! And many boundless thanks to Ursula K. Le Guin, for creating these worlds, for talking frankly about feminism and things she'd change in her own books, and for the interview which gave me the image of Estraven with his children.

What you need to know if you've never read the book:<\/b> Genly's a human ambassador on a world where everyone is genderless except for a period once a month when they go into kemmer (think pon farr or heat: a Must Have Sex situation) and can become either male or female.

Mirrored on AO3<\/b><\/a>


On the planet of Gethen, sometimes called Winter, it is always Year One. Even on that unchanging world, everything is always beginning.

Genly has restarted his life now many times over. On new planets, among new peoples. Stepping lightly from world to ship to world again. The dizziness of NAFL travel: old friends and places falling away in a few moments, grown old or gone or changed beyond recognizing.

He has changed too: grown wiser, a bit. Much older than the boy of 20-some years who landed on Gethen as the First Mobile that planet had seen. But no matter where he goes, no matter how the years fly by, it is still always Year One. A piece of him is still always lying awake in the darkness of a small tent on the vast Gobrin Ice of a distant planet. Listening to the breathing of someone who is by now very long dead.

**

From the Archives of Hain. Letter from Genly Ai, Mobile of the Ekumen, to Eng Mi Aldana, Researcher.
<\/b>
I am an old man now. Not terribly old, not frail and pitiable. But old enough to live many of my hours in the land of regrets, that terrible and changeless country that is host to those nearer the end of their lives than the beginning. Perhaps by telling this now my regrets will lighten by some small shade.

I did not tell everything. Call it a betrayal of my vows as a Mobile of the Ekumen. An unforgivable omission and a selfish choice to deprive the other peoples of the Ekumen of the full weight of my experience.

The truth is I was ashamed.

I was ashamed and confused: ashamed by my own poor and shortsighted behavior, my own inability to meet the world and people of Gethen on their own terms. Confused by the strange new things I learned about myself and my true friend Estraven in those weeks as we crossed the ice.

My report was true: lest you fear I've spared myself too much. What I told was the full accounting of my failings in both Karhide and Orgoreyn. My failings in understanding Estraven's regard and sacrifices for me. My failings in fully comprehending the reality of their being, of kemmer, of people who were both man and woman and neither.

What I've omitted was something even more private that happened between us. Perhaps I kept it because it did not feel fully mine to tell. Who would wish to betray the secrets of the dead? And Estraven of course never mentioned anything of it in the journals from that long and improbable journey.

But you asked if I could share any details that might help you better understand the peoples of Gethen as you prepare to live among them at the Embassy in Erhenrang. And perhaps this will help.

**

As I reported in my ansible transmissions from Gethen, I had some success in teaching mindspeech to Therem Estraven, my ally and companion on that bitterly cold world. It frightened him mightily but he persisted with it despite that. He said once it felt like having swallowed too large a bite of food, the pressing discomfort of it in the throat long after it's left.

But he wanted very much to learn. So we pressed forward into the land of mindspeech just as we did across the ice, progressing a little more each day.

Mostly we spoke at night, in our sleeping bags after the stove light had been turned down, he on his side of the tent and I on mine. There was a simplicity and straightforwardness to those conversations that I don't think our real speech ever matched. It is something I have felt when using mindspeech with others, though never so strongly, that closeness in the language where lies are impossible.

I have spoken of how eager Estraven was to learn about other worlds, other peoples. His curiosity was limitless and this is how we began: he asking a question about my life or other worlds, and me answering it, speaking the words carefully into his mind.

Perhaps it was the nature of communicating that way, or that it happened in the dark, but we spoke then of things we never discussed in the light. Many of his question were personal: my family, how I was raised on Terra, the foods we ate, my earliest memories, why I had chosen to come here.

I answered in mindspeech and slowly we began to develop that secondary level of communication that experienced mindspeakers accomplish, the transmission and reading of images, feelings, scenes remembered.

With time he spoke more as well: at first responses to my own stories, then slowly recollections of his own. These too were personal: about his parent of the flesh, his youth in the Hearth of Estre, though even then he kept some things to himself, cut stories short, or lapsed into ruminating silence.

It was here that I began to understand even more what I had already seen that night of Estraven's kemmer: the full force of what I would call his femaleness, that thing I had denied all along. It happened most when he spoke of his children, especially the child of his flesh. The images came as flickering backdrops to the stories he told: lying awake to look at the moon, his belly grown large, feeling the child kick inside. Nursing that same child, who stared at him with a fierce, unblinking gaze as it sucked. His other children, those he had not borne but sired, how they laughed when they were small; their round, brown bodies. The heavy weight of a child in his lap, leaning sleepily against him in the lamplight as the adults laughed. It was nothing like what I had thought I knew of him before, yet still unmistakably filtered through the lens of Estraven's own self.

**

The second time he went into kemmer there on the ice we were far more practiced at speaking to each other mind to mind, sharing stories and feelings. Perhaps because of that I realized what was happening earlier this time, as a strange distance and awkwardness grew between us. Not knowing what to do, I myself grew awkwarder still, tried hard to keep a solemn distance between us, clumsily jerked away if our gloved hands touched while we were in harness pulling the sledge through the vicious white cold. I could not have been less gracious if I tried, though my motives were nothing but well meant.

For several days we spoke little by mouth and not at all by mind. Estraven had closed in on himself, fighting some difficult, internal battle.

Then one night, as I was skimming the surface of sleep's dark sea, bone weary and still hungry, I heard his voice in my mind.

\"Genry --\" it said, then stopped, but it was enough. In opening his mind to me he had allowed a flood of images and feelings to come rushing through our connection.

Through his eyes I saw myself as he saw me: very dark, tall and strangely thin, and overwhelmingly male. Not masculine -- I make no claim to that. But male in a way that wanted a female answer, that drew out a deep echo of desire within him. It was terrifying, that desire, the force of it. That he could control it speaks more to his willpower than anything else he did in that long, harrowing journey.

And without even thinking something answering rose inside me. A desire which had been there all along, secret and ignored. It throbbed through the darkness between us, and I know he must have felt it in return. I heard, I think, the softest of exhalations from his side of the tent. No other words were spoken between us, by either mouth or mind. But I know I stayed awake in that darkness a long, long time, feeling the throb of feeling between us: his own need, my answering want.

Nothing else occurred between us, though I have imagined it many times: the help I could have given him, but did not. The deeper closeness which almost was between us, and now will never be.

So why keep this secret, you ask? I have no answer, other than that I was young and ashamed and heavy with grief at the death of Theren, my friend and more than a friend. Perhaps in keeping it to myself I sought to maintain some kind of closeness between us, the intimacy of lovers to which I had no rightful claim: that right of private knowledge. It was, after all, the only thing I had left of him.

**

On the planet called Winter it is always Year One. Always that beginning that comes again: end after end after end.
<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22575.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","ursula k. le guin","the left hand of darkness"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22364.html","pubDate":"Fri, 02 Nov 2012 15:46:28 GMT","title":"DEAR YULETIDE AUTHOR, FROM WHENCE ALL GOOD THINGS FLOW.","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22364.html","description":"Dear Benevolent Yuletide Being!

Thank you for writing for me!! Here are some more general details to go along with my requests, in case it's helpful! Pick and choose any of this at will:


I love details. I really dig unusual narrative styles. I don't love fic that's just one character being introspective or rehashing canon.

I like fic that's wistful or funny or about something beyond just the relationship (tree forts or an event or a cupcake quest or whatever), or about the details of everyday life. I like fic about the feelings of things beginning. I like to know what the weather feels like.

I love humor. I love crazy cracky premises. I love futurefic. I love a\/us. I really really love body swap fic, which no one seems to write anymore! Basically you can not freak me out with weirdness of premise, so go crazy if that's your jam.

I LOVE girls being friends, so if you can work that into any of the requests, I'll be thrilled.

And here are more specifics, if you'd like some ideas (original requests in italics):

#1: Community<\/strong>

Types of stories I would thoroughly enjoy:

Abed\/Troy\/Annie - especially with sexytimes. And complicated feelings.

Abed\/Troy - schmoop. Anything exploring all the awesome facets of their awesome relationship and the places where it might go, and their reactions to their friendship leveling-up. I'd love the dawning realization of feelings or first time fic or one of them tuning in and realizing the other one has been there with feelings all along. Not that big on established relationship fic here, I love that yummy first-time feeling.

Abed\/Annie - how would Abed deal with a crush, and wherever that would lead?

Jeff\/Annie - \u2026 dirty. Dirty dirty dirty. Playing up the age difference and power dynamic.

Abed\/anyone - male or female. Fic about him experiencing ~*~feelings~*~ and processing it. Actually that applies to any of the Abed pairings above!<\/em>


OR. A fic where Abed directs movies which involve having any combo of Troy\/Annie\/him make out and\/or hit it onscreen. With sexy direction-giving and confusing feelings on the part of all involved.

And\/or Troy\/Abed UST, in either direction, all longing and feelings. What if the other one's oblivious? What if he's not?

#2: Royalty RPF, Kate Middleton\/Harry<\/strong>

Harry's secretly in love with Kate. GO!

(No William bashing, please!)<\/em>

DON'T JUDGE, WE ALL HAVE SHAMEFUL DESIRES. It's just: you've seen the pics<\/a> of the two of them hanging out together all the time, right? Giggling at royal events? They LIVED together, with William, for heaven's sake. He arranged the entertainment<\/a> at her birthday party!

(The following ideas shamelessly stolen from old emails with <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span>: Harry probably tries to crack Kate up all the time and make her look like not the perfect future queen and she's always dying inside and also, him and William are the only ones who really understand what her life is going to be like, and the two of them are always together since they have such a weird life.

Also maybe Harry was an ass to everyone else William ever dated or hung out with, so he warned Kate, but then Harry was just awesome to Kate. It used to be a team of two against the world and now it's a team of three.

Plus the lipreader's report that he whispered \"wait 'til you see her\" to William as she was coming down the aisle. <3333

And Chelsy -- I bet Kate is really nice to her whenever they're on-again and he brings her somewhere, and it makes him feel really weird seeing them together and then they go home and have weird, intense sex. What. And\/or he hit it with Pippa because of his complicated Kate feelings.

(Also, given how many times Harry has reportedly forgotten to pick up Chelsy at airports and train stations: Now I'm just picturing Harry always hanging out with Kate and William back at the palace, having an awesome time, and eventually someone's like, \"Is Chelsy coming?\" and Harry's like, \"FUCK\" and then rushes off to the wrong terminal. EVERY TIME. THAT IS AMAZING.)

ALTERNATE PLOT BUNNY, courtesy of <\/a>bear<\/b><\/a><\/span>: (You know what would be incredible? Harry Windsor and Harry Potter run into each other in a bar and neither can quite believe that the other has no idea who he is and then they are both REALLY ECSTATIC not to have all their stupid baggage for a change and become friends and\/or have sex.)

AND\/OR WILLIAM\/KATE\/HARRY OT3 FIC, if that's what floats your boat, GO FOR IT.

#3: Hainish Cycle, Ursula K. Le Guin<\/strong>

I realize this is the worst kind of request to get, but I would seriously love ANYTHING set in this universe. I love it so much. Especially if there's a fairly major female character, though that's not strictly necessary.

More details, if it helps: my fav things about the series are the interesting alien ethnographies\/anthropological bent, the explorations of really good speculative ideas to their logical societal conclusions, and the way gender is used. Plus the feeling of... I don't know... longing? Gentle ennui? Sweetness? That imbues a lot of her characters. Original fic or fic based on any of the books is equally great!

Here are my fav Hainish cycle books, in order:

Four Ways to Forgiveness
A Fisherman of the Inland Sea (would LOVE to see something expanding on the churten technology implications we see here!)
The Birthday of the World and Other Stories
The Dispossessed
The Telling
The Left Hand of Darkness
The Word for World Is Forest

I haven't read the others yet, but am equally happy for fic in them. :)
<\/em>

I think that about says it all. Also these quotes, and everything they represent about what makes her writing awesome.<\/a> <33333

And oh, yeah, seriously, the stories about churten technology that conclude A Fisherman of the Inland Sea blew my mind; I'd love fic that built on any of them!

<\/a>

Thank you again! Happy writing!!!","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22364.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","yuletide letter"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22236.html","pubDate":"Wed, 11 Jul 2012 00:14:29 GMT","title":"Fic: The Air Is Colder (The Office, Mose Schrute)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22236.html","description":"This is only going to mean something to like four people, but <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span> and I finished the Mosepocalypse! The Mosepocalypse being a fic we wrote 80% of back in 2007, then abandoned because it was growing out of control like an evil weed.

Here it is, finished at last, because in 2012 what everyone\u2019s dying to read is apocalyptic fanfic about The Office. Alternate title: Striking While The Iron Is Ice Cold.

But if you ever wanted to see Dwight's survivalist streak come in really handy, or read a 14,000 word fic narrated by Cousin Mose, BOY ARE YOU IN LUCK. Read it at AO3:

This Colder Air<\/b><\/a>
Summary: This is the best apocalypse Mose has ever had.
Notes: Ensemble cast, post-apocalypse, beet farming, character death, etc etc. Goes a\/u during season 3 of The Office.

( In the evenings, Toby turns the radio dial compulsively, spiraling through the static with his head tilted, listening.<\/a> )<\/b>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/22236.html?view=comments#comments","category":"the office"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21872.html","pubDate":"Mon, 02 Jan 2012 02:34:14 GMT","title":"Fic: One Thousand, Three Hundred and Fifty-Three Feet (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21872.html","description":"Hurrah hurrah for Yuletide to make sure I write at least one fic every year. This year I was lucky enough to get a recipient who wanted the story that's been buzzing around in my brain for ten years.

One Thousand, Three Hundred and Fifty-Three Feet<\/a><\/i><\/b>
Ferris Bueller's Day Off<\/i>
Ferris\/Cameron\/Sloane
The question isn't \"what are we going to do,\" the question is \"what aren't we going to do?\"

**

And I was lucky enough to get TWO stories of my own!

Extended Options in Twosomes<\/a> by epshlan<\/a> is perhaps the most delightful Troy\/Abed\/Annie fic ever written. Pop culture references! Roleplaying! An amazing Troy voice!

Duck, Duck, You<\/a> by ladygray99<\/a> is a sweet Yuletide Madness ficlet about feelings and the inside of Abed's head.

HUZZAH YULETIDE.","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21872.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","ferris bueller's day off"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21609.html","pubDate":"Thu, 08 Dec 2011 02:54:14 GMT","title":"DEAR YULETIDE WHATEVER FROM HIGH ATOP THE THING","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21609.html","description":"Dear Yuletide Author! If you're even still looking for this letter! So sorry for the delay. Life, you know, am I right?

I hope this isn't too terribly gauche, but here are the relevant details from last year's letter! I like what I like and I'm so psyched for whatever you want to write me, so please have fun!

'sup! I feel like I laid out most of my specific guidance in my requests, and hopefully those'll be helpful. However if you want more ideas, here are some generalities!

I love details. I really dig unusual narrative styles. I don't like fic that's just one character being introspective or rehashing canon.

I like fic that's wistful or funny or about something beyond just the relationship (tree forts or an event or a cupcake quest or whatever), or about the details of everyday life. You can probably get a feel for my taste through my all-time favorite stories on delicious<\/a>.

I love humor. I love crazy cracky premises. I love futurefic. I love a\/us.

I LOVE girls being friends, so if you can work that into any of the requests, I'll be thrilled.<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21609.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","yuletide letter"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21048.html","pubDate":"Sat, 01 Jan 2011 19:04:07 GMT","title":"Fic: get me away from here, I'm dying (China Mountain Zhang)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21048.html","description":"For Yuletide this year I was super thrilled to see one of my favorite books of all time included, China Mountain Zhang<\/a><\/em> by Maureen McHugh. You've probably never heard of it, but I beg you to go read it. It's amazingly interesting and well-written speculative fiction, with killer details and characterization. In the 22nd century, China is the major world power, the US is a communist backwater, and Zhang is a gay, multiracial New Yorker who needs a job. I wish all books were basically just like this.

AND THEN I got my assignment: 2,000 Yuletide participants and I got <\/a>throughadoor<\/b><\/a><\/span>, former coworker and awesome r\/l friend, whose apartment I've been drunk in many times. (And this two years after my writer turned out to be my then-roommate<\/em> <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span>. Yuletide: A World of Coincidences.) Secretly trying to tailor fic to the taste of someone you actually know turns out to be super fun!


Title:<\/strong> get me away from here, I'm dying
Fandom:<\/strong> China Mountain Zhang (Maureen McHugh)
Author:<\/strong> <\/a>kyrafic<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Notes:<\/strong> For kel in Yuletide 2010. Mirrored here on AO3.<\/a>
Summary:<\/strong> Zhang in Boston. No matter where you go, there you are.

After more than three decades of the Second Depression, rising sea levels, and the environmental collapse in the Western Corridor, conditions were ripe in the old United States for the proletariat revolution to take hold. The people had seen the fallacy of capitalism and were ready for change.

-- A People's History of the Socialist Union of American States, 8th grade textbook<\/i><\/blockquote>

The train from New Grand Central to Boston is supposed to take 45 minutes, short enough for an easy commute. It takes two and a half hours because there's a problem with the electrical in South Massachusetts, outside Providence.

The whole New England grid has been overloaded for years, and the ongoing fight with the country of Quebec over hydroelectric still isn't resolved. Which is why it's dark when I step off the train. Cold, too. My breath puffs white in the air. And here I am.

**

\"You have to go. You have<\/i> to go!\" Cinnabar said when the offer came from MIT. \"They've got one of the best systems in the West. You can bid to design more complex jobs, make good connections in the engineering department.\"

\"Besides, it's only a semester,\" said Peter. Perched on the edge of the arm chair, his arm draped absently over Cinnabar's shoulders. They live together now, in Cinnabar's claptrap of an apartment in Brooklyn, and are easy with each other like people who don't really think about loneliness. I see them a lot, even now that Peter's moved off Coney Island, though it's not quite the same. Cinnabar's still my lone investor, and he has surprisingly good business advice. I've learned to trust him, which felt strange until it didn't.

Brooklyn College has taken me off their teaching rotation this term. My class is popular, but they have a policy about rotating adjuncts into their available slots. Of course they do. Nothing's ever easy.

It's been a year, but I still feel like I just got back to New York. And now I'm being shipped off to the backwoods of the Northeastern sprawl.

\"To your new guanxi,\" says Cinnabar, and raises his bottle of beer toward me until I lean forward and clink.

**

The MIT job has even found me housing in-city, in one of the huge, grim skyscraper complexes in Allston. There's row after row of them; my apartment is in the twelfth building back on the Eastern bloc. A hole in the wall on the 117th floor, with a view of the next building, and beyond that the river. From my bed I can see tiny buses creeping across a bridge. The apartment is freezing, with an antique radiator that makes obscene noises. I wonder if I can do anything about that.

The subway here is even older than New York's, though it smells about the same, and I have to take a bus to reach it. While I wait for the train I read the signs in Chinese and English announcing a public forum to discuss extending the green line to a place called Medford, then look sideways at the other people on the subway platform to see what they're wearing, how it's different from New York, from Nanjing. I'm not here long enough to try to fit in, but I don't want to stick out like an uppity zhongguoren.

\"I hope you didn't have trouble finding us,\" says my MIT guide when I finally meet her. \"I'm Lakshmi. It's my third year in the graduate program. We're very excited to have you.\" Then she stops herself and switches to shaky Mandarin. \"Is English all right?\"

\"English is fine,\" I tell her. \"No, my directions were very good.\" I'm glad they didn't try to make me come all the way to the engineering department, though, as we set off on a dizzying set of twists and turns through an endless set of underground tunnels, though I imagine these were very helpful during the Second Civil War. I saw the scorch marks on the old Harvard buildings earlier, on my bus ride.

\"It gets easier, I promise,\" Lakshmi says, seeing my face. \"Plus you can always jack in and ask the system which way to go.\" She points to a panel at the intersection of three hallways, and I make a face that's suitably impressed. There's still nowhere in the West that lets you be always jacked in, like Wuxi Complex, and I know the system won't even be advanced as Nanjing University's, but a system so well-funded it can waste resources on hallways is still impressive outside China.

I meet her colleagues, and some faculty. I'll be teaching a smaller, more advanced class than I had at Brooklyn College. Explaining how to actually integrate organic engineering into their current designtechniques. They spend some time talking earnestly to me about the specs of the system and what they've heard about organic engineering, whether the two will mesh well. They're very excited about the conceptual theories behind org-enj as one of the graduate students calls it, and I don't have the heart to tell them I just use it to design office complexes and Japanese hotels, to pay rent and buy beer. If only Woo Eubong could see me now. I imagine she'd get some deep, quiet amusement out of the whole thing.



**

\"If you'd like,\" says Lakshmi, my fifth day here, \"some friends and I are going out tonight. You could come.\" It's the best sentence I've heard so far this week; I'm starting to go crazy in this city with only my own head to listen to, and even awkward graduate students are better than another night alone with Zhong Shan.

We go to an Indian restaurant and eat rich, spicy sauces over rice and bread. It's surprisingly excellent, and not all Lakshmi's friends are students or engineers. I listen to them argue about the newest kites for the races, the ones with a backup safety system that wrests control from the flyer if he's going to crash, whether it's a smart move or a betrayal of everything that keeps the game pure.

\"So you're MIT?\" says the guy to my right. He's drinking beer with a label I don't recognize.

\"Yes,\" I say. \"Kind of. I'm here from New York for the semester.\"

\"Impressive,\" he says, in a voice that doesn't sound very impressed. He's dark-skinned and broad-shouldered, and, annoyed at myself for noticing, I think well, who asked you.

\"What do you do?\" I ask, to be polite.

\"Teach,\" he says. \"Eighth grade. In Roxbury.\" It's clear I'm supposed to know what that implies. In Nanjing, or Baffin Island, I was such a stranger I didn't feel like I was really expected to know what was going on. I didn't think Boston would be all that different from New York, but of course there are a whole new set of neighborhoods and locals and implications, and I just feel stupid half the time. I need to find someone to explain the basics to me.

\"Let's go to Chinatown,\" says someone, and we pile onto the subway and come up in a different, brighter part of the city. I don't really know where I am, and hope I'll be able to use the subway map to point myself home.

Before I'd been to China, I imagined it was very like the Chinatown in New York, but that's not true at all. In a sense, maybe, but in the Western version everyone's so much more self-consciously Chinese. Or smug ABCs, more likely, milking their heritage for all its worth, obsessed with maintaining tradition. Still, it's the richest part of the city, and it seems like the same is true in Boston. Loud music spills out of sleek bars. I glance at one on the corner, showing Chinese music videos in the window.

\"We can't get in there,\" the teacher from the restaurant says in my ear. \"Not a high enough C to W ratio.\"

\"C to W?\" I say.

\"Chinese to waiguoren,\" he says, and gives me a deadpan look that after a moment I realize is a joke.

\"Well, I'll try to raise your social standing as much as I can,\" I say in my most faux-uppity voice, and hope it comes across right.

\"Good of you,\" he says, still deadpan, and turns to follow Lakshmi into a hole in the wall bar with old newspaper taped into the window.

**

I end up walking home, drunk in the way where the cold feels good. It takes a long time, along the Back Bay levee, skirting the water so I don't lose my bearings, watching the lights shine on the surface, thinking about the Hudson and home.

**

Classes keep me on campus three days a week, and I'm spending as much extra time as possible in a library cubby, using the system to design projects too complex to bid on with my little one at home. (Right now, a biotechnology research complex in New South Wales; biotech companies always want flashy, expensive, new. My bid will probably seem far too clean for them.) But there's only so much time I can spend between concrete-block walls. So I do what I've always done and walk. Up to the slums of Somerville. Over to New Charlestown. And from my apartment back along the levee through the flooded ruins of Back Bay, where skyscrapers and old church spires stick up through the water.

There are marshes here, too, which I find one chilly evening in the early dark. Just beyond where the water ends, with little bridges and paths up on pylons. At first I think they're deserted, which is always a strange feeling in the heart of a city. After a while, though, I see a man standing in the shadows up ahead. Waiting for wayward citizens to mug? But as I get closer his eyes catch mine and hold them. Ah. I can feel his eyes on me long after I go by.

I start going more. A takeout dinner of tamales or Thai only takes me half an hour at most to eat in the shabby apartment. Then I pull on my scarf and the coat that's not-quite thick enough and walk.

My fourth time, there's a guy coming down the path at me from the other direction, and I glance at him from the corner of my eye, as we're passing. He's looking too, and we stop at the same time. It's Lakshmi's friend, the teacher.

\"Well,\" he says, with that same sardonic tone from the other night. \"Lakshmi's engineer likes the Fens at night.\"

His apartment is nearby, and as hot as mine is cold.

\"Heat's stuck on,\" he says by way of explanation, and drops his coat on a chair. I can't remember his name -- Lakshmi rattled off everyone's name at the beginning of the night, and I forgot them all immediately. But there's a flimsy on the table from the Roxbury Middle School of the Revolution, addressed to Jeffrey Williams. Right, yes, Jeff.

Down the hall a toilet flushes and a door slams, and I feel myself jump. Someone else is here, so this can't be what I thought it was. And I almost gave myself up.

\"It's fine,\" says Jeff. \"It's my roommate. He's more bent than I am.\"

A bent roommate. What would that be like? I doubt sleeping on Peter's couch is quite the same.

And so I was right. Thank God. Already I feel that prickling in my palms, that heaviness in my stomach.

\"Beer?\" says Jeff, and hands me one before I answer, the top already off. I take a long pull and keep his eyes the whole time. It's better beer than I'm used to. I suppose everyone prioritizes something.

\"Have you seen Fenway?\" Jeff asks, and I have to shrug.

\"Will I be kicked out of Boston if I say I don't know what that is?\"

\"Probably, yes,\" he says and turns out of the kitchen into a dark doorway. It's a bedroom on the other side, and he kicks the door shut after me. \"Here,\" he says, and beckons me over to the window. For a moment it's so much like Haitao at his sleek Nanjing window that my throat catches. Stop. That was another life, another world. I've already wasted so much time on those feelings.

I take a slug of beer and move to join him. The apartment building is so close to the levee that I can see dark water straight below us, filling the spaces that were once streets.

\"There,\" he says, and points at some kind of stadium. Only the tops of its stands are visible above the water filling its basin and lapping against the sides. Lights from the buildings on this side of the levee glitter across the surface.

\"Baseball,\" he says. \"Or b\u00e9isbol, if you prefer.\" There are still exhibition games played every once in a while by the Latin American League. I went to one once, in Brooklyn, with my mother and her brother, when I was very young. I liked the green field but couldn't understand when to leap up and cheer until the whole crowd was already on its feet.

\"Here,\" he says, \"aren't you hot?\" He reaches around me to set his beer on the windowsill, and strips off his shirt and sweater in one go.

\"I guess I am,\" I say, and let him kiss me in the dark of the room. Here's to this backwater city after all.

**

I wake up in the dark to a strange pink glow coming through the windows.

\"It's snowing,\" comes Jeff's voice from somewhere across the room, and it takes a moment for my eyes to adjust. He's standing in the doorway, still shirtless, with a glass of water.

\"I should go,\" I say, as expected, and begin the half-awake fumble into my clothes.

\"Are you sure?\" he says. \"It could get bad out there. I have school in the morning, but you can stay if you'd like.\" It's generous of him, but I shake my head.

\"It's all right,\" I say. \"Once I lived in Baffin Circle.\" Although in Baffin Circle I had an artificial climate suit, and here I've just got my sweater and the one warmish coat I bought last winter, after I came back to New York.

Jeff walks me downstairs in the chilly dark, and gives me careful directions about how to get back home. He's not that much older or younger than me, which is different. I watch his face as he talks.

\"Thanks,\" I say when he's done. \"Perfect.\"

I let the door close behind me and stand in the empty, pink-lit street, big flakes of snow whirling down. No one else around.

**

It's still snowing when I wake up in my own bed, four hours after I fell into it. There are puddles of water by the door where I dropped my snow-encrusted coat and shoes. It doesn't snow in New York much anymore. This is the most I've ever seen south of the Arctic Circle.

I turn on the radio, which lists the schools that have closed in English, then Chinese, then Spanish. I try not to notice when they say Roxbury Middle School of the Revolution. MIT is on the list. So. An empty day.

I take a shower as hot as I can get it, then make coffee in one of the chipped, oversized mugs that was in the cabinet when I got here. If I had a day like this back in China, I'd waste the morning writing Peter a long, detailed letter, but maybe that would seem strange, now he's with Cinnabar. What are they doing right now? And Invierno, who I haven't seen since this past summer? Is Jeff in his waterfront apartment, sleeping, talking to his mysterious roommate? I feel very far away from everything: New York and Nanjing and Wuxi and Baffin Circle. The building's silent except for the hissing of the radiator. Outside the window the snow falls, silent and ceaseless and white.

<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/21048.html?view=comments#comments","category":["china mountain zhang","yuletide"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20761.html","pubDate":"Sun, 26 Dec 2010 15:53:17 GMT","title":"Fic rec\/Yuletide glee!","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20761.html","description":"Because I am apparently the luckiest of all persons, my Yuletide author was so amazing that I got a fic that fulfilled TWO of my requests! It crossed over Community with 30 Rock AND Conan O'Brien!! And in the process provided AMAAAAAZING Troy\/Abed of amazingness, AND Conan\/Liz shenanigans! Plus killer ensemble banter and hilarity and Star Trek references and oh my heart. YOU WILL LOVE IT.

Special Seminar in Romantic Comedy<\/a> by ???","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20761.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20685.html","pubDate":"Mon, 22 Nov 2010 03:54:10 GMT","title":"Yuletide letter!","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20685.html","description":"Dear Benevolent Yuletide Being,

'sup! I feel like I laid out most of my specific guidance in my requests, and hopefully those'll be helpful. However if you want more ideas, here are some generalities!

I love details. I really<\/strong> dig unusual narrative styles. I don't like fic that's just one character being introspective or rehashing canon.

I like fic that's wistful or funny or about something beyond just the relationship (tree forts or an event or a cupcake quest or whatever), or about the details of everyday life. You can probably get a feel for my taste through my favorite stories on delicious<\/a>.

I love humor. I love crazy cracky premises. I love futurefic. I love a\/us.

I LOVE<\/em> girls being friends, so if you can work that into any of the requests, I'll be thrilled.

And, okay, more specific details:

Community:<\/strong> For Abed\/Troy, the clincher moment for me was in the Halloween episode: \"Be the first black man to get to the end.\" I love how perfectly in sync they are, and the badass things they're in sync about. (Pillow forts forever!) Or for Abed\/anyone, just the way he processes the world, how he'd handle moments of personal discovery through his usual unsurprised demeanor. (Plus, obvs, lots of pop culture would be fun.)

Office RPF:<\/strong> I basically feel like these are old friends who live far away and I'd love to know what's up with them. With some bonus added wistfulness about the passage of time, etc. I'm a huge sucker for the kinds of details that can be dredged up from Mindy's Twitter or Jenna's blog (or MIndy's blog, RIP!), especially super old stuff. I generally dig UST, for any of the pairings I mentioned. I really love the sense of community and family you get from the cast, in that fun RPF-y way.

30 Rock:<\/strong> Liz\/Conan: awkwardness and hilarity, man, I don't think you can go wrong here. Bonus points for Jack or Tracy. Or Liz, say, eating pie in bed, or whatnot. Ten katrillion kudos if you can somehow work in the Conan vs. NBC stuff.

Thanks so much for writing for me!<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20685.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","yuletide letter"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20018.html","pubDate":"Mon, 02 Aug 2010 03:19:16 GMT","title":"Fic: alone now (Harry Potter, Dr. Granger)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20018.html","description":"Title:<\/b> alone now
Fandom:<\/b> Harry Potter.
Summary:<\/b> Book 7 spoilers. Hermione's mother in Australia.
Notes:<\/b> Hastily written for <\/a>nothing_hip<\/b><\/a><\/span>.

I think we're alone now \/ There doesn't seem to be anyone around<\/i> -Tiffany

He knows: he went over everyone, & nobody\u2019s missing.
Often he reckons, in the dawn, them up.
Nobody is ever missing.<\/i> - John Berryman, Dream Song 29<\/a>

Australia's a wonder. So hot and new and different. She's in love right away. She can't think why they didn't move here years ago.

\"Cheers,\" says Wendell, on their first night in their echoing new house, and they clink glasses.

*

The new practice gets up and running in next to no time. They absolutely lucked out -- a dentist three streets away with a thriving practice won the lottery just before they arrived, and turned his entire client list over to them before vanishing into early retirement. Their emigration mini-miracle she calls it.

There's still a lot to deal with though, getting used to a new office, new patients, new country. It takes a few months for her to start paying attention to the feeling. A little like deja vu, a little like knowing she's left something off her to do list. She shakes it off, and it comes back, and she shakes it off and starts taking a multivitamin.

\"Maybe you're homesick,\" says Wendell, and she makes a noncommittal noise. She feels a strange nothing for England when she thinks about it, and something like repulsion when she toys with the idea of going back. Melbourne's everything she never knew she wanted. Perhaps she should start eating better.

*

There's a cheerful girl who works in the front office, Anthea. She chatters too much and Monica's tuned her out entirely as she checks the schedule for the day, but something catches her eye -- the way the girl's thick braid lies against the nape of her neck -- it makes her feel --

\"Dr. Wilkins?\" says Anthea.

*

They go out more; find new friends; rent bikes; eat late dinners at restaurants overlooking the city. She feels a little like she's coming alive, into existence. They're different people than they were in London. She thinks she likes it.

*

She finds herself staring at a little girl in the supermarket until the girl's mother pulls her away, shooting a look at Monica back over her shoulder. It's the third time it's happened this month. So strange; she's never been baby mad before. Perhaps it's a post-menopausal reaction -- some biological subconscious mourning process she's being put through.

*

She always thought she'd have children, she just never seemed to get around to it, and then it was too late, and it seemed like maybe it was for the best. She's got her career. And her marriage. She's thinking of joining a board.

*

She checks her dayplanner, the office schedule, Wendell's datebook, her dayplanner again, but there's nothing on September 19.

*

She's been thinking a lot about her mother lately, as though she's just died, as though it hasn't been, what, twelve years now. Little things she'd like to tell her. How much she'd like the view of the bay.

*

Maybe she's just lonely. Maybe that's all it is.

*

Summer comes roaring in and the date always startles her if she's not paying attention. It's hotter than anything and she packs away all her old clothes in the empty back bedroom, like sad ghosts of someone else's life. She wears dresses now and wakes with the sun. A little earlier every day. There's something in her dreams she's been trying to remember, but she can't catch hold of it at all.
\"\"
<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/20018.html?view=comments#comments","category":"harry potter"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19860.html","pubDate":"Sat, 31 Jul 2010 17:25:39 GMT","title":"the boy who lived and lived and lived","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19860.html","description":"Today Harry Potter turns 30 years old. If this doesn't give you feeeelings, well, we are different people. Harry, I hope you're happy, wherever you are! In the meantime, let's celebrate by reading fic about the ennui of adulthood.

Recollection<\/a>, <\/a>silviakundera<\/b><\/a><\/span>: They can't touch a man who's thirty, with his rain resistant overcoat and the life he left behind.<\/i>

On Wednesday<\/a>, Jay Tryfanstone: Mr Potter drives home from work. It's Wednesday.<\/em> (One of my favorite wtf-is-the-backstory fics; I know I've linked it here before.)

Also you can get one of my favorite Harry-after-everything songs from that mix I made a while ago<\/a> (track three).

Any other Grown Up Harry fic recs?","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19860.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19647.html","pubDate":"Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:48:34 GMT","title":"Breaking radio silence.","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19647.html","description":"Attention, fannish peoples: you may or may not remember a community called <\/a>nothing_hip<\/b><\/a><\/span> founded by <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span> lo these several years ago. The way it worked was, every week community members got an mp3 of an embarrassing song -- the kind you don't want anyone to find on your iPod, but enjoy in ridiculous ways. And then you write fic inspired by the song. It's a great way to write that random 400 word idea floating around in your head, or finish up the story that's been languishing on your hard drive, and the fic tends to go in tons of fun, unexpected directions.

And: it's coming back! For the month of August. So if you want to get creative, or have fresh new fic to get you through the dog days of summer, go join: <\/a>nothing_hip<\/b><\/a><\/span>. And tell your friends. Thank you!","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19647.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19281.html","pubDate":"Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:34:03 GMT","title":"Fic: Blankly As Walls (The Office, Pam)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19281.html","description":"Blankly As Walls<\/strong>
Fandom: <\/strong>The Office
Summary: <\/strong> Motherhood.

Notes:<\/strong> Title from Sylvia Plath's Morning Song<\/a>. No spoilers whatsoever.


When the baby finally comes, it's red and ugly and screaming. She loves it right away, of course, because what else is she going to do?

**

The days are a hazy smear -- nights and mornings blurring together: getting the baby to latch on, burping the baby, waking with a start when the baby cries, after twenty minutes of sleep. The baby is such a tiny, insistent thing, and she has to keep it alive<\/i>. She's not quite sure who thought she could do this.

**

Jim's in love. He bends over the baby with a kind of hushed reverence, palming a tiny foot.

\"Hey,\" he says softly to the baby, and she wishes she could see through her weariness, grab onto the wonder in his voice. Instead the baby starts fussing, and Jim's expression shifts to worry.

\"Here -- should you\u2026 ?\" he says and she takes the baby back.

**

What's worst is when she hasn't slept for what feels like days, months, years, and her nipples hurt more than she ever thought possible, and the baby won't stop crying, and she's so tired she wants to cry too. Sometimes she does, when Jim won't see, face hot, flushed with guilt.

**

At night when she sits up nursing the baby, she can see the dim shape of the photo on the bedtable: her and Jim in New York, on a pier in lower Manhattan with red Dixie cups of beer and the sun setting behind them. It was her third week there, just after their first anniversary. Everything had felt so wild and new, so possible.

**

She never realized how very very long a day without adult conversation could be. On the changing table, the baby kicks and eyes her. She looks back, and they watch each other. Little lump. She's all the baby knows.

**

Spit-up on her shirts. Spit-up on her jeans. Spit-up on her bra and every single spit-up rag in the house, not to mention every onesie the baby has. She does two loads of laundry a day. The dryer breaks.

**

When Jim comes home he kisses her temple and brings takeout and watches the baby so she can steal 10 minutes in the shower. She knows he doesn't mean to fall asleep on the couch before she's gotten to talk to him about anything.

**

The baby falls asleep, soft and heavy against her after nursing. On the couch in the afternoon sunlight she can see the fine hair, the creased, sweet-smelling neck. Tiny dark eyelashes, tiny fingernails when she nudges the baby's hand open around her finger.

**

Her first day back at work is so strange<\/i>, like she stepped into a time machine, back into some Pam she used to be about a million years ago. She feels like she might as well go all the way and sit at reception.

It seems like much longer than three months -- and shouldn't a woman-owned company offer more than the bare minimum maternity leave? Apparently not. -- since she sat here, watched Dwight glaring at his computer screen, had to listen to Andy humming under his breath.

Not having the baby feels like missing a limb. Eight times an hour she jolts internally with alarm, like she's forgotten something very urgent. The baby! She has to make herself relax, take calm deep breaths and try to remember why she cares about the client list in front of her

**

There's nowhere in the office she can pump except the sagging couch in the women's restroom. Angela files a complaint with Toby, and refuses to use the restroom while Pam's in there. Kelly pretends she comes in to wash her hands, but spends the whole time staring at Pam in the mirror over the sink. Meredith sits down next to her and tells a story about cracked nipples so horrifying Pam can't stop thinking about it for a week.

Kevin loiters outside the door and sniggers when she comes out.

**

At night Jim shifts behind her, spooning her, his breath hot and expectant on her neck, his thumb stroking her side. She knows it's a question, but she can't. She can't.

**

The daycare they did get into is in the wrong direction from work, an extra thirty minutes of driving every morning and evening. Pam falls asleep on the way and wakes up to Jim buckling the baby into the carseat.

\"Hey,\" he says, when he comes back around to the driver's seat. \"Pizza?\"

\"Okay,\" she says, and when she wakes up again they're home.

**

\"Hey, Big Momma,\" Andy says when he wanders into the break room, then spends a full three minutes choosing something from the vending machine, singing 'Baby Love' in an absentminded falsetto the whole time.

**

She's standing in front of the freezer trying to find something, anything, that will make a decent dinner. There's something all wrapped up in the back corner, and it takes some inspection before she realizes it's a slice of wedding cake, to be eaten on their first anniversary, eons from now. The baby will be eight months old.

**

When she was younger -- sixteen, twenty-six -- and thought about being a mother it was fuzzy and bright, like a commercial. She'd take her kids to the grocery store and the park. They'd have an art table in a corner of the house with finger paint and crayons and the same kind of rainbow pastels she'd loved when she was little. She'd make mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs in it, and her kids would always have really great homemade Halloween costumes, never the store-bought kind.

It's not that she thought it would be easy, but she also didn't think it would be like this. Day after day after day; she doesn't know why it's so surprising.

**

Her favorite part is bathtime. At night she fills the sink with warm water and puts the baby in, running her soapy hands over the soft round arms and legs.

The baby's learned that kicking means splashing, and thinks this is the funniest thing. The first time the baby laughed was during a bath, and it surprised her so much she laughed too, out loud in the empty kitchen, full of delight.

**

She doesn't have the energy to deal with the cameras anymore.

\"Yeah,\" she says, in the conference room. \"We want to sleep train the baby but I don't know if it's too soon.\" She is the most boring person in the world. Next door Michael is bouncing a tennis ball against the wall. Thud. Thud. Thud.

**

\"Hey,\" Jim says, coming up behind her as she's emptying the dishwasher. He runs his hands up her arms and she lets herself lean back into him, his solid warmth.

\"I--\" he says, leaning down to kiss her temple, \"am so glad I married you.\"

Her stomach does something bright and happy. She almost forgets sometimes.

\"Oh yeah,\" she says lightly, turning around to face him, winding her hands behind his neck. \"That did happen, didn't it?\"

**

The first time the baby sleeps through the night she wakes up in a panic at 5 am and flings herself out of bed to figure out what's wrong.

But the baby's breathing just fine, limp with sleep, one arm thrown out. Pam hesitates by the crib. The room is already starting to fill with gray light, and she watches the baby's chest rise and fall. Behind her Jim is snoring very faintly. She could almost be the only person awake in the whole world.\"\" <\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/19281.html?view=comments#comments","category":["pam","the office"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18944.html","pubDate":"Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:50:12 GMT","title":"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNAKOVSKY!","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18944.html","description":"GUESS WHAT EVERYONE: IT IS ANNAKOVSKY'S BIRTHDAY! In honor, may I present:


30 Ways to Say Happy Birthday to <\/a>annakovsky<\/b><\/a><\/span><\/strong>


Sixteen-year-old Nick Jonas would like you to know that while you may get older, he always stays the same age. Plus sometimes there's a puppy.





Charlie Crews likes to bask in the warm sunny glow of your birthday.




Also, as a special treat, the Committee to Plan Parties has been reconvened to plan an extra-amazing celebration. With karaoke and frozen margaritas. Kawhat? KaPam!




They're enlisting some help from the most phenomenal iteration of the Party Planning Committee. It Is Your Birthday.




Xander knows you two haven't hung out much lately, but he remembers the good times. And the emo times. And the sexy times.




And look, he brought Billy and Dom! It may seem like they only have eyes for each other, but they also feel this way about you.




But so much talk about old fandoms. What about your future ones?


(Related: this is creepy<\/a>.)


And let's not forget your heartfelt, only slightly dank birthday wishes from the cast and crew of TRASHBOAT.




Oh -- hang on -- I'm being told that Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn have risen from the grave to smolder some happy birthday wishes your way, and suggest you help yourself to one of your beloved whisky and whiskys.




Also Jim Halpert's roommate Mark says get some sleep, fucktard. But he really means many happy returns.




Hannah Wood was going to sing you happy birthday, but settled on The Frug instead.




Meanwhile, Stephen Colbert is getting ready for your big day.




He got some friends together to choreograph a dance routine in your honor!



Later he wants to get a group together to go grouse-hunting in Shropshire; all of us in kilts, naturally<\/a>.


These two fine gentlemen are very pleased to hear you've lived another year. (aka ZIM ZAM GOD DAMN IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY)




Even though you're just a lady, with a simple lady mind, Sarah Haskins<\/a> dressed up as a feminist icon in your honor, and<\/em> she's managing to smile with her eyes.




When reached for comment, a Mr. Roonil Wazlib said: 'sup.




This gentleman is PARTICULARLY excited about your birthday. He wants to celebrate it again!




God, your birthday's so popular, everyone's trying to gatecrash it:




If you need crowd control, you've got backup.




A guy on a Segway asked me to give you this, but what a weird card.




There's also been a volunteer to sing you a very special birthday song. Don't worry, I'm sure it won't be awkward.




We've also arranged an encore performance.




Plus some rad BFFs to up the awesomeness quotient.




Speaking of awesome girls, someone is VERY excited about your birthday. Other people are dubious.




Larry Levis believes that the ankle of a horse is holy<\/a> and that you should have a great year.




DID SOMEONE SAY BIRTHDAY?




Also I contacted all the residents of the greater Boston area, and they're planning to celebrate in your honor.




Pam Beesly just ran across hot coals to muster the courage to tell you: it's a good day.




And now, may he offer you a drink?



HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It's going to be an awesome year: it's just science.








<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18944.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18936.html","pubDate":"Fri, 01 Jan 2010 17:03:06 GMT","title":"Fic: Older and Wiser (The Sound of Music, Rolfe)","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18936.html","description":"Et voila, my Yuletide fic.

Title:<\/strong> Older and Wiser
Fandom:<\/strong> The Sound of Music
Author:<\/strong> <\/a>kyrafic<\/b><\/a><\/span>

Notes:<\/strong> Written for Yuletide 2009; mirrored here<\/a>.



Dear Liesl. Stop. I\u2019d like to tell you how I feel about you. Stop. Unfortunately, this wire is already too expensive. Sincerely, Rolfe.<\/em>


Winter 1942<\/em>

Most of the others have pictures. Sweethearts from home or their dear old mothers, which the rest of the men used to tease them about in their clipped accents.

Rolfe has no pictures, and doesn\u2019t know what he\u2019d have if he did. His mother\u2019s never sat for a photograph in her life. Liesl, but he doesn\u2019t let himself think about that. Salzburg itself, and the mountains, maybe. Untersberg, Monchsberg, Kapuzinerberg. It\u2019s hard to believe the Alps ever existed from here, in the thick, cold, Russian mud.

**

Rolfe\u2019s father\u2019s name was Rolfe, too. When he was small, they called him Young Rolfe, and then his father died, and he was just plain Rolfe. His father\u2019s uniform lay folded in the bottom of his trunk, a stiff, old-smelling thing. His father was a hero. His father fought for the Kaiser.

In school, they sang \u201cGerman Austria, you wonderful country.\u201d From Salzburg on a clear day, you could see the border, which didn\u2019t used to be a border at all. Everything was so simple.

**

Dear Liesl. Stop. Here they call me the Osterlander and long ago they called me the Telegram Boy. Stop. In between they\u2019ve called me nothing at all. Stop. Therefore I must sign this No Longer Your Rolfe.

**

The summer when everything was beginning to begin, he rode his bicycle two or three times a week past the Captain\u2019s house to where Colonel Schneider from Berlin was staying, across the lake. The Colonel always took his telegrams immediately, in rooms full of serious looking men, and read them while Rolfe waited to see if there was a reply.

Sometimes the Colonel asked what his father had done, or what other houses took regular telegrams, or what Rolfe thought of the Fuhrer, an Austrian himself.

\u201cGood lad,\u201d said the Colonel.

The men wore crisp uniforms and well-oiled sidearms. After they knew Rolfe, they nodded at him when he came in. By the time the Anschluss had come and the Captain had vanished, hiding from his appointment in the Reich, it was easy to say: \u201cI know how to get it to him.\u201d

To find Liesl in town and think, when he handed her the telegram, what the officers would say about her and her family, their disloyal hearts.

**

By now Rolfe\u2019s seen more people die than live in all Salzburg, it seems. Hundreds and hundreds of men, uniforms bloodsoaked. His lieutenant, nearly all his unit, men in the rubble-filled streets. Fritz, who\u2019d come from Vienna, a year younger than Rolfe.

And the men whose coughs started weeks before they died and the starving men and the Croatian he found frozen solid on guard duty.

**

A long time ago, before Poland, after the Anschluss, in his first heady days in uniform, the Captain had said, \"Come away with us.\" Half-smiling like it was a privilege to desert his country for a fantasy Austria, an ideal that didn\u2019t exist. A world of edelweiss and dreams.

\"Come away with us,\u201d he\u2019d said. \u201cBefore it's too late.\"

And Rolfe didn\u2019t, of course. It didn't even bear thinking about. But now, in this late cold, it swims around his mind, a fish, a whizzing bullet.

**

In a way there are two Rolfes, there have been two Rolfes for years and years now. The Rolfe who ran away that night, who crouched silently in the car full of children as it fled the abbey and Salzburg and Austria. And there is this Rolfe, whose boots belong to a dead man, who could count his own ribs if he ever took off his clothes in the bitter cold, who\u2019s seen so many men die, so many hundreds of men all around him that the fact he\u2019s still here stopped making sense so long ago.

**

Dear Rolfe. Stop. How do you find Switzerland or Britain or America. Stop. Warmest greetings from Russia. Cordially, Rolfe.

**

And where would he be now? Married to Liesl, living among the enemy like a rat, having fat blond babies and hiding his face from the world? The whole world is war. There is no other place, or life, or Rolfe.

**

He turns 21 in the bloody snow in Stalingrad, where it takes three hours to move half a block in the rubble, hiding from Soviet snipers. In his pocket is a message he\u2019s to deliver. There are always messages that say help is coming. Stand fast. Help is coming. His empty rifle banging against his thigh.

**

Dear Fritz. Stop. They\u2019ve bombed out the airfields but they say the Fuhrer\u2019s army will break through any day now. Stop. How is it where you are, are the rations any good? Rolfe.

**

Fritz was young and he smirked at Rolfe when he first arrived, but pinned down with gunfire whizzing over their heads, his hands shook so badly he dropped his ammunition. Later, Rolfe had him practice it for hours, loading and reloading in the cold, empty house where they bunked.

Even these heavy months later, Fritz seems more real than Liesl or the nuns of Salzburg or his mother in the kitchen. Fritz frowning in concentration. His hot breath. Washing in the morning, before his ribs and spine stood out like knobs, like knives.

**

Rolfe got the job at the telegraph office when he was fifteen because he already knew the names of every family in the big houses by the lake. The mayor and his wife, Herr Renner, Herr Schmidt, Captain von Trapp, the war hero who\u2019d fought for the empire, before Austria lost her seacoast. Lights from their houses shone on the dark lawns, glowing square after square.

**

\u201cWhat\u2019s worst,\u201d Fritz liked to say, \u201cis the cold. And the hunger. But if they could just get rid of those, I think Russia\u2019d be a lovely place. Except for all the typhoid.\u201d

\u201cHave you picked out yet where you\u2019ll build your summer home?\u201d he\u2019d say, the anti-aircraft guns booming in the distance, and laugh until it turned into a coughing fit.

**

And when Rolfe met Liesl, pretty as a daisy, open-faced and trusting. The things he\u2019d wanted to prove to her about himself. All the things he was going to do.

**

Dear Liesl. Stop. Do you remember the apfelstrudel my mother used to bake. Stop. The schnitzel and the gulasch? Apples in the autumn in the orchards where I rode my bicycle, cheese on bread in the afternoon, how the air outside your house in the evenings smelled heavy and warm with food, you, the rich, inside eating it, clink of silverware on plates stop Liesl Liesl





**
More information on the Battle of Stalingrad<\/a>\"\" <\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18936.html?view=comments#comments","category":["yuletide","the sound of music"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18673.html","pubDate":"Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:56:18 GMT","title":"Fandom's got heart.","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18673.html","description":"Hi. So a friend of <\/a>witling<\/b><\/a><\/span>'s, Juanita, is trying to win a grant to continue her work with orphans and abuse survivors at a convent in Mexico<\/a>. She needs lots of votes<\/a> to get to the next round, so if you vote<\/a>, <\/a>witling<\/b><\/a><\/span> -- fantastic author of one of my top three favorite fics of all time<\/a> -- will write you a drabble<\/a>.

So:

1. Vote here.<\/a><\/strong> (Click over to the rate\/share button on the upper right. Registration is required, but they don't spam you.)

2. Ask for drabble here.<\/a><\/strong>

END PSA.","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18673.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18343.html","pubDate":"Mon, 18 May 2009 01:29:21 GMT","title":"Multifandom fanmix: The Mountain Goats","author":"kyrafic","link":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18343.html","description":"I'm trying something a little different: instead of a mix for one fandom with songs by different artists, here's one artist for a bunch of different fandoms. All these songs are by the lyrically awesome The Mountain Goats<\/a>.




<\/a><\/center>


[01] :: Downtown Seoul<\/a><\/strong> :: M*A*S*H, Hawkeye\/BJ<\/em><\/strong>

and a white bird broke the dark Korean sky \/ as the rest of my life went by
I saw you shaking in the cold Korean air [...] you had your cardigan on
I remember your eyelids \/ I remember your body now

[02] :: Riches and Wonders<\/a> :: Farscape, John\/Aeryn<\/em><\/strong>
I learn foreign and exotic terms of endearment by which to address you
I am healthy, I am whole \/ but I have poor impulse control
and I want to go home. but I am home.

and we dance like drunken sailors, lost at sea, out of our minds
and I want to go home. but I am home.

[03] :: Pale Green Things<\/a> :: Harry Potter, Harry, the Dursleys<\/em><\/strong>
she told me how you'd died at last, at last
coming up through the cracks pale green things
pale green things

[04] :: Song for God<\/a> :: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, general<\/em><\/strong>
there's an old fallout shelter i can hide in \/ i won't even be able to hear their hoofbeats
when the horsemen ride in

[05] :: Marduk T-Shirt Men's Room Incident<\/a> :: The Office, Jim\/Karen, Jim\/Pam<\/em><\/strong>
face hidden from my view \/ I let myself imagine she was you

[06] :: You or Your Memory<\/a> :: Skins, Cassie<\/em><\/strong>
and when I came back I spread out my supplies on the counter by the sink,
looked myself right in the eyes:
St. Joseph's baby aspirin, Bartles and James, and you or your memory.

[07] :: Going to Scotland<\/a> :: The Office, Dwight\/Angela<\/em><\/strong>
there was a barn owl trapped in the rafters \/ the ground underneath us was wet and cold
and you pressed your warm body against me \/ and i loved you so much it was making me sick

[08] :: Going to Georgia<\/a> :: wild card<\/em><\/strong>
the most remarkable thing about coming home to you
is the feeling of being in motion again


Download the whole mix as a zip.<\/a><\/strong>

Kudos to:<\/b>
+<\/strong> <\/a>cleversimon<\/b><\/a><\/span> for finding the Going to Georgia bootleg from the concert I was at last year.
+<\/strong> <\/a>un_den_iable<\/b><\/a><\/span> for originally pegging Going to Scotland as a Dwight\/Angela song.
+<\/strong> Cover photo via Flickr<\/a>.<\/small>

Also it only occurred to me after I'd made this that the entire Tallahassee record<\/em> is about Saul and Ellen Tigh. Chew on that<\/strong> for a while.

So, Mountain Goats fen, any more ideas? I could play this game forever.","comments":"https:\/\/kyrafic.livejournal.com\/18343.html?view=comments#comments","category":["buffy","fanmix","skins","m*a*s*h","farscape","harry potter","the office"]}]}}