FO - a sort of Charity knitting

It feels like ages ago but it was probably in January that I offered to knit socks for a donation to one of the agencies I foster for. I had 2 bites. This is the first pair.

I did a Judy's magic cast on, short row heel and added some alturnating purls and knits for interest. That shit ate up some yarn....and some time. Ribbing up the back of the leg ensures the best fit possible.

The donator has two different sized feet so custom knit socks mean she gets a perfect fit. Making the leg length the same when they are on was my biggest challenge. All in all she's happy with them and I helped raise funds for Hoppy Hearts - win, win! 

It's been a few weeks since Bogeys been gone. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about him. I still miss him so much, I'm sure I always will.

He's gone

Friday February 20, 2015 Bogey and I were escorted (by Shellie, Gary and Lonnie) to East London Animal Hospital. We had an appointment. They were behind. We waited, Bogey was stressed, I did my best just to be calm and not let things bother me.

In the end it wasn't what it should have been. It would have been so nice if he could have gone without the stress, with me not having to pin him down so they could put a catheter in his leg, and then give him the shot. It was a completely heart wrenching experience.

I chose ELAH because that's where I've been going with the ABCR fosters. I thought I had a relationship with Hamilton Road, where I'd been going since joining (redacted)...not so much. I called a few weeks ago and they never bothered calling me back. I don't know what's going on there, don't care, it's not the first time I've not had a call back. It was the last. Regardless, I don't blame ELAH for my experience, some times things can not be helped. I can still wish that it was a nicer one. Seems to be the theme with the way things have gone for poor Bogey - it was never easy.

I'm posting this from my laptop for the first time in ages. I'm sure I have a ton of pics on here, I couldn't be arsed to dig and look.

I have been looking at pics on FB and Twitter, I just don't feel like it now. It's been really hard. I haven't been eating or sleeping well, I cry and I can barely control it. I miss him so much. I have his food dish on my coffee table. I have several pics of him around the house too. I find myself saying "Hello Buba" to pictures, his image on my phone, his old snow boot that's laying on my bedroom floor, his old, broken leather muzzle, his old blanket. I miss him. He's gone and he's not coming back and nothing will ever replace him. But I will remember him. I'll remember the good and let go of the bad and think about the very good friend that I had in a dog that was labeled dangerous by uneducated politicians.

Almost there

It's been a while since I've posted anything. It's been rediculously hard the last few months - my good old friend has, well, gotten old. He's still hanging on. 

I knew this was coming and I haven't been able to face it. Bogey has been my buddy for a long time. He's been my reason for getting up in the morning...or the middle of the night, my reason for taking jobs, for fighting my own fight when I didn't have it in me. As I sit here and cry I can tell that he can feel my pain and that he still unconditionally loves me.

It hasn't always been easy. There were more than a few times that we both nearly gave up on each other. High energy, strong willed and demanding we worked really hard on and with each other. The breed ban made our bonds even stronger - no one was taking my friend based on his looks. Discrimination, they name is BSL in Ontario.

That stupid ban has been around for 10 years. This week it no longer applies. We've only been to the local pet store but I wasn't going to muzzle him. I don't want to ever again.

I've booked Bogeys euthanasia for Friday evening. I started crying Wednesday morning and I haven't really stopped since. I miss him so much and he's still here. He's still fighting and smiling but I think deep down he's crying too. 

Oooooh yeah!

This old man did a lap around the dog park! Seriously, it amazes me the things he seems to find energy for when he seems to sleep most of the time.

Muddy, cold and rained on but oh so happy. We'll be going back my next week day off. Shine OR rain. 

Holding On

Last week I took Bogey to the vet fearing that I wouldn't be returning home with him. He had started wheezing the night before and it scared me. I cried on the way to the vet.

Over $200 and a few hours later, Bogey came back home with an assortment of drugs. A chest X-ray showed that his heart appeared to be ok, there were no masses or other obvious signs of sickness but that his issues were likely more of an old age nature. (Insert big sigh and a frown of concern) This news just made things harder for me. A big red flag would have made it so much easier just to say he's suffering, I need to make his pain go away. Instead I'm left struggling with trying to guess if his quality of life is good enough.

He absolutely had dementia. He has problems getting up and walking with any speed. Then there's the breathing. I'm worried about him. He's my buddy. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing. At times he seems happy enough, at others he drives me crazy enough that I'm not sure I an take it.

I love my dude. I'm not ready for him to go - he could live forever but he won't. How do you know? How do you say good bye to the one who has been your reason for waking up and going out?

He's still here and I miss him already. 

Tottering

August was a busy month; I picked up serveral weeks work via vacations of others, had several events with ABCR, was in the news paper! (Yes for realz) and have a new roomie. It feels like I've accomplished little, in reality I've been extremely busy.

Pawlooza was at the beginning of the month. I helped with set up and was there for the entire day. It was the first time I didn't go with Bogey. I'm sure he would have very much enjoyed going, I don't think he would have lasted for more than a half hour. I completely regret not being able to take him - it breaks my heart knowing he's at the end and there's so few things that he can really enjoy. The occational car ride is still up there on his list. 

Shaking that off, the group I am part of was featured in the news paper! The London Free Press, the Londoner, a paper in St Thomas and one in Strathroy to be precise. Unfortunately this seemed to anger the former group I was part of...to the point that they felt the need to trash me on Facebook and flip me off at an event the following weekend. In front of witnesses. My new people stood beside me, supported me and let me know that what was being dishes out was uncalled for. It got to the point that I call the police because of the threats. It's nice having evidence after the fact that you're in a better place. I know Rosie would think so...they wanted to put her down, the new group helped find her an awesome forever home. I miss the shit out of her.

With all the work, stress, drama and Bogey's declining health it's been hard to find much motivation for doing anything other than surviving. The drama basically started in January and as far as I'm concerned is now done - at least I'm done with it. They can say whatever the hell they want. I no longer care. I know who my friends are. I also know that enjoying what time I have left with my long time friend Bogey, is far more important. I'm making friends with good people and enjoying myself instead of watching my back. Here's to a more stable September! 

My favourite time

No, really. I have one of those, the circumstances have to be just right. No rushing, no call of nature, and a desire to snuggle. It's Bogey cuddle time. 

This happens regularly no? No! As he's gotten older he's gotten less cuddly. But certain mornings? Total bliss. These are the times that I'm enjoying the most with my old man. He's having a hard time getting up, walking and he barks for no reason - it's been hard and challenging watching my buddy change like this. Mornings like this tell me he's still here and he's not ready to go yet. I'll take as many as I can.