Avengers Rec
In the Stillness of Remembering by 
elise_509, Tony/Pepper, Tony/Steve, 70,000 words.
I don't know how to rec this fic.
It left me so completely overwhelmed and in love. I don't even know if it's that good a fic - couldn't tell you because it hit me so hard that any objectivity on whether it's a good fic or not (whatever that means) flew out the window at 90mph. But I suspect it's a good fic, that good of a fic. I remember reading fic back in the day by
rageprufrock that made me react similarly. I remember reading one by pir8fancier back in HP. But it's rare. In all my fandoms, I can think of fic that I have loved unreasonably, that have touched me more than they should, ones that have made me squeal or want to cry (from desolation or joy) more than this one. In Avengers, the one about Dummy and Tony and Dummy's primary protocol - I loved that one.
But for whatever reason, it's a rare fic that gets to me as this one did. I think it's called transcendence.
I actually had to stop reading it for two weeks. I couldn't go on with it because I could feel myself being transported and if I had kept reading, I might have become unmoored. You have to be ready to be transported. Transcendence is by no means an easy thing. I came back two weeks later and had to start over at the beginning, but this time I knew what might happen so was ready and could keep hanging on. Hah. Sure, I got a bit further in the fic but it happened anyway. Transcendence.
Here's the writer's summary: Steve Rogers is a reminder of a past that Tony Stark would rather forget. But when Steve’s own ghosts suddenly become the present, Tony finds he and Steve need each other to face the future.
The fic is about all that. It's about Bucky coming back and Steve and Tony not getting along, until they do. I actually had a hard time the first few thousand words getting behind the way the writer made them interact. It seemed a bit off, didn't fit what I thought I knew. I wasn't sure if the fic was going to work - they seemed like marionettes dancing on strings the writer was holding, not real flesh and blood. And then it clicked, not suddenly, but beautifully and painfully. There's no awkward shuffle of the two of them around each other, no romcom or straight up romance where, despite the tension between them, the UST, you know things will be just fine. Too much pain here, too real. Pepper in the middle, at the edges.
Tony isn't oblivious or lying to himself as one does - nothing comedic about it, no easy out with soft kisses. No escape for Pepper that isn't painful, and painful to Tony because it's not like he stops loving her or they just don't work - just, something bigger that in a way none of them can escape. I hate infidelity fic. It hurts another person. It's the one kink/warning, depending on how you look at it, that will make me stay away from a fic. This is not an infidelity fic - Tony doesn't cheat (does he? where's the line?) - but it still hurts. It hurts, and it hurts even more because Pepper sees it before he does, because we see it before he does.
Later in the fic, I had to put my kindle down very softly so that I wouldn't throw it across the room, I was so frustrated with Tony. Usually when I read, I'm quite motionless, caught up in my head rather than my body.
But only a page or so before that, oh jesus - how to explain: so, once upon a time, I wrote a smoking!Snape fic. Snape smoking, sitting on a rusty, paint-flecked fire escape hanging from the edge of an old brick apartment building. The fic went on about other things, but the heart of it was that image of Snape smoking on that fire escape. He was in England, of course, but I was in New York City that summer surrounded by thousands of those buildings, tens of thousands of those fire escapes. The image seized me even though I've never so much as tried a cigarette, never had the slightest desire, and generally find smoking to be unpleasant.
And so, when we end up on a fire escape hanging from the edge of some crappy apartment building in New York, Bucky offering Steve a smoke, when Steve takes it - I'm not sure if I nearly came in my pants or started crying. Both, I think. It takes rare skill to pass off Steve Rogers, Captain America, smoking and being perfectly natural about it. But they could have been in the middle of the war, two soldiers passing a fag back and forth. This writer's Steve works. He works. And I had no idea, it never having even entered my head, that I would have a Steve Rogers smoking kink. Oh dear.
A lot of people have already read this fic, judging from the hits and kudos and comments. But if you haven't. I think one's enjoyment of fic, as with anything in life, depends as much on the thing you're enjoying (fic in this case) as it does the time and place. Where and how you are, your mood and outlook, when it catches you. So maybe this is the most amazing fic ever, or maybe it's not (but it's pretty damn good no matter how you look at it), but it caught me at the right time and place, and it transported me.
so I've either now convinced you to read it or just that I'm a bit off my rocker and have transcended myself right out of the realms of sanity. Happy New Year everyone!
I don't know how to rec this fic.
It left me so completely overwhelmed and in love. I don't even know if it's that good a fic - couldn't tell you because it hit me so hard that any objectivity on whether it's a good fic or not (whatever that means) flew out the window at 90mph. But I suspect it's a good fic, that good of a fic. I remember reading fic back in the day by
rageprufrock that made me react similarly. I remember reading one by pir8fancier back in HP. But it's rare. In all my fandoms, I can think of fic that I have loved unreasonably, that have touched me more than they should, ones that have made me squeal or want to cry (from desolation or joy) more than this one. In Avengers, the one about Dummy and Tony and Dummy's primary protocol - I loved that one.But for whatever reason, it's a rare fic that gets to me as this one did. I think it's called transcendence.
I actually had to stop reading it for two weeks. I couldn't go on with it because I could feel myself being transported and if I had kept reading, I might have become unmoored. You have to be ready to be transported. Transcendence is by no means an easy thing. I came back two weeks later and had to start over at the beginning, but this time I knew what might happen so was ready and could keep hanging on. Hah. Sure, I got a bit further in the fic but it happened anyway. Transcendence.
Here's the writer's summary: Steve Rogers is a reminder of a past that Tony Stark would rather forget. But when Steve’s own ghosts suddenly become the present, Tony finds he and Steve need each other to face the future.
The fic is about all that. It's about Bucky coming back and Steve and Tony not getting along, until they do. I actually had a hard time the first few thousand words getting behind the way the writer made them interact. It seemed a bit off, didn't fit what I thought I knew. I wasn't sure if the fic was going to work - they seemed like marionettes dancing on strings the writer was holding, not real flesh and blood. And then it clicked, not suddenly, but beautifully and painfully. There's no awkward shuffle of the two of them around each other, no romcom or straight up romance where, despite the tension between them, the UST, you know things will be just fine. Too much pain here, too real. Pepper in the middle, at the edges.
Tony isn't oblivious or lying to himself as one does - nothing comedic about it, no easy out with soft kisses. No escape for Pepper that isn't painful, and painful to Tony because it's not like he stops loving her or they just don't work - just, something bigger that in a way none of them can escape. I hate infidelity fic. It hurts another person. It's the one kink/warning, depending on how you look at it, that will make me stay away from a fic. This is not an infidelity fic - Tony doesn't cheat (does he? where's the line?) - but it still hurts. It hurts, and it hurts even more because Pepper sees it before he does, because we see it before he does.
Later in the fic, I had to put my kindle down very softly so that I wouldn't throw it across the room, I was so frustrated with Tony. Usually when I read, I'm quite motionless, caught up in my head rather than my body.
But only a page or so before that, oh jesus - how to explain: so, once upon a time, I wrote a smoking!Snape fic. Snape smoking, sitting on a rusty, paint-flecked fire escape hanging from the edge of an old brick apartment building. The fic went on about other things, but the heart of it was that image of Snape smoking on that fire escape. He was in England, of course, but I was in New York City that summer surrounded by thousands of those buildings, tens of thousands of those fire escapes. The image seized me even though I've never so much as tried a cigarette, never had the slightest desire, and generally find smoking to be unpleasant.
And so, when we end up on a fire escape hanging from the edge of some crappy apartment building in New York, Bucky offering Steve a smoke, when Steve takes it - I'm not sure if I nearly came in my pants or started crying. Both, I think. It takes rare skill to pass off Steve Rogers, Captain America, smoking and being perfectly natural about it. But they could have been in the middle of the war, two soldiers passing a fag back and forth. This writer's Steve works. He works. And I had no idea, it never having even entered my head, that I would have a Steve Rogers smoking kink. Oh dear.
A lot of people have already read this fic, judging from the hits and kudos and comments. But if you haven't. I think one's enjoyment of fic, as with anything in life, depends as much on the thing you're enjoying (fic in this case) as it does the time and place. Where and how you are, your mood and outlook, when it catches you. So maybe this is the most amazing fic ever, or maybe it's not (but it's pretty damn good no matter how you look at it), but it caught me at the right time and place, and it transported me.
so I've either now convinced you to read it or just that I'm a bit off my rocker and have transcended myself right out of the realms of sanity. Happy New Year everyone!