I am a flirt. Most of you know this. What can I say; I enjoy attention. This sometimes leads to people trying to gauge the possibility of actually becoming involved with me in whatever way (romantic, physical, etc.), and in many of these cases, leads to a comment structured as so: "Well, I could [say more|be more forward|make a move|prove it], but your boyfriend might object."

This is wrong, and you should never do it.

I am in control of my body. Not anyone I am dating or otherwise involved with. Whether or not you and I flirt, kiss, make out, fuck, whatever, is my decision to make, and the only person you need to worry about approving or disapproving is me.

I am also in control of my relationships. If you want to be involved with me, you don't sit down and work out the arrangements with my SO. You work it out with me. If my SO objects to anything I discuss, commit to, or do with another person, that is my problem to deal with, not yours.

My body and heart are not anyone's property but my own, and no one but me can make decisions about it. So quit passive-aggressively hinting that you have intentions towards me that my SO might object to, and instead perhaps ask me what I think? I mean, I know that by flirting I am inviting people to think about being involved with me, and when that happens I do want to know if someone is interested (for the ego boost if nothing else!) But there are ways to communicate interest and query for response, and I find the above to be a bad way to do it.

Edit: This rant is specifically directed at the situation wherein the person saying the above is not anyone who has a relationship of their own with my SO that they might worry about. Also, I want to point out that so far, most of the comments from men I've received have been related to this lack of clarification, and most of the comments from women I've received have been YES YES YES THIS. Heh.

Edit 2: I am editing this post continuously in response to feedback I'm receiving about how I'm communicating. Just be aware.

zombie_dog and I are now dating.

Yay. :)

( embedded video behind cutCollapse )Amazingly emotive performance.

Song fits a lot of current situations in my part of the world.

I am pondering a new rule for myself: no dating until I'm out of debt. I feel like this rule would be healthy for me in multiple ways.

Specifics still being weighed.

A few hours ago I broke up with usernamenumber.

I ask that if you know him, go offer him some hugs. Then, if you have some to spare, I'll take a few too.

So, I've learned something recently. If I post to LJ about things I want, visible to those who can do something about it... sometimes they do. >_>

Also, sometimes life can be VERY different than you would've imagined it'd be a year ago.

More of the things I want should be attainable.

(This is totally-out-of-proportion whining. I've got it pretty good right now.)

I'm Willow.

Wow. "Sorry" doesn't even begin to cut it, does it?

The only, only shred of hope I can find here is that she was eventually forgiven.

So that's what I've got. A TV show plot, a thin shred of hope, and repentance.

Turns out, no matter how much you want to change and wish them back, sometimes you can just make too many mistakes.

This was an amazing Arisia.

I didn't have a night I got to bed before 5, and each morning I had to start my staff shift at 9. A couple of naps Saturday and Sunday evenings supplimented. Glad I'm not driving or operating heavy machinery today.

I didn't go to a single panel. I went to movies and dances, circus performances, and my own performance with Second Shift. I reconnected with old friends and connected for the first time with new ones.

More later as I decompress and discuss. <3

Today is a weird day. I am, all in all, in a pretty damn good mood. I feel I got enough sleep, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (as the saying goes), I have new purpley plaid socks, I have a grip on my schedule for the next week - all should be well, yes?

But as I was sitting alone in the company owner's office installing the new print server on his computer (yay, we have a new printer that was made in the last decade!) I suddenly was hit with the I'm old and fat and ugly and no one loves me and no one wants to join me for the amazing traveling roadshow wedding and have fat smart blue-eyed babies with me and grow old and grey by my side and WAHHHH blues. Harumph.

This ties into some other introspection I was doing lately: I was washing dishes with the radio on, which is about the only time I listen to broadcast radio anymore, and a new pop song came on that sampled "Sweet Home Alabama" pretty heavily in a way that was integral to the song itself. (lyrics) The song is about one's heady, heavy high school andor youth loves and looking back on them, and when listening to this song while doing dishes, it descended upon me in a way that nothing has in a while that that time is past. I am out of the running for love like that. I'm too old, too jaded, too world-weary and heartbroken. Sure, I'll fall in love again, but it won't be like that.

Then of course I reminisce about the ones that were like that. Going out to the Ridge with Lewie and dancing outside his car to whatever that damn Romeo & Juliet song was I've never been able to find since. Lying to my parents about having early band section rehearsal so that I could sneak over to Nick's house between 6:30 and 7:00am before school to fool around. Gary doing one of the most romantic things a boyfriend has ever done for me - after a day we went to the mall and fooled around and I tried on a dress that looked absolutely gorgeous but I had no business buying and nowhere to wear it, being presented with it on Valentine's Day along with tickets to the opera so I'd have someplace to wear it. (Fucking fuckass dry cleaners that later ruined the dress.) Sitting in Boston Common with Jason on a bench, foreheads pressed together in young love strong enough that a passer-by with a camera stopped and asked us if he could take our picture for a photobook of Boston he was creating.

And I think that was it. Something about every relationship after Jason is... less idealistic. Older, more grounded, more aware that True Love doesn't solve every problem, and that relationships involve pain and work and sacrifice. And really, all I can say to this is a line stolen from Into the Woods: "Isn't it nice to know a lot? And a little bit... not."