How do you set an alarm?

I have had an Apple Watch since the first version, later dubbed Series 0. Until the Apple Watch had a battery that could last for 24 hours and fast charging, I would charge my Apple Watch at night and used an alarm clock that sat on my bedside table. At one point, I bought a Xiaomi bracelet that was the equivalent of a Fitbit, no screen, just four LEDs on the “face” of the bracelet. The one thing it had was a vibrating alarm, so I would charge my Apple Watch overnight, and then use the Xiaomi bracelet as my alarm clock. This setup was finally replaced when the Apple Watch was more capable.

Why a vibrating alarm to wake me up?

I remember when I was required to wake up on my own. It was 6th grade. We lived in England. I had to wear a uniform with a tie, and I would be going to secondary school in the next year. It was preparing me for the unrealized sad future of living by the alarm.

And the alarm clock was a horrid object. Chromed metal with a white face shaped like the cartoon representation of an alarm clock. It required winding every night, lest the alarm would die in the night due to a lack of main spring tension. Two bells mounted above the clock face with a small hammer between them that would, at the appropriate time, rattle between the bells and startle me from sleep.

But the appropriate time was by default, earlier than I would have liked and more specifically, earlier than I set. The cruel nature of the alarm clock’s mechanical nature resulted in the alarm ringing before the time set on the clock face. The alarm would ring when the minute hand first occluded the alarm hand. It took me far too long to realize this. Every morning, before the time that I thought I would be waking up, my alarm would startle me awake with the violence of a horrible buzzing ring. Being awakened by a cymbal being crashed near one’s face or a bucket of cold water would be an equivalent experience.

Why a vibrating alarm to wake me up?

I am not one that falls asleep after the alarm goes off. If I do, it is a sign that I have not been sleeping enough and need to address it post-haste. For that reason, I do not require an elaborate series of alarms to ensure I get up. I am not one that requires a “snooze” before I am ready to rise. With this noted, I do live with a lovely person who values her rest more than I do. My wake up time is earlier than hers.

I cannot subject the person who I live with to the alarms that wake me up because what if they are like me and cannot fall back asleep, how rude is that? To have an alarm go off and it is not for you, but you’re awake any way. Rude.

This is why I chose to use a vibrating alarm to wake me up. The Xiaomi band was not great, and the Apple Watch is better.

Except…

I charge my Apple Watch as I brush my teeth, which requires me putting it back on my wrist before bed. If I do not authenticate on my Apple Watch, the alarm will not ring.

The best I can figure is that the Apple Watch will ring if it is on the charger or if it is authenticated on the wrist. But with the watch on the wrist and unauthenticated, the alarm algorithm appears to think it is not supposed to reveal that personal information and thus does not wake me up. Worse, a loose strap can cause the watch to lock, resulting in no alarm. So it is not only an issue of not authenticating on the way to bed.

I was just going to write: I should start logging when I authenticate on my watch to better understand the pattern. But I paused. I should not have to log when I remember to punch in my PIN on my watch to get an alarm.

I now know that if I have a day that requires me, for work, or to work an election, to be up with an alarm, I have to set backups. I have two additional alarms on my nightstand, one that is plugged in, the other battery operated. I have not gone as far as doing the Jocko Wilinik “I have three alarms” thing, but I cannot lie and say I haven’t considered it.

While the Apple phrase “It just works,” can be applied to many different facets of my computing life. This is one instance in which I think more effort is required, it does not “just work.” The failure rate of my Apple Watch’s alarm is rapidly rising to the same level of trust I have in Siri to be able to do complex tasks delivered in a conversational format. This is one place where “It just works,” feels like a cruel joke.