One of the most difficult challenges of bringing up tiny humans is learning how to teach them independence. We want to protect our children, it’s a biological instinct. And yet it is very easy for protection to shift to sheltering. And so one of the things that I try to do is take a step back and let my children do things on their own. Give them instructions and see how they do. Let them fail even. Even with some heartbreak.
And yet I’ve now found that as hard as it is to teach independence, it is equally easy to teach dependence. Kids latch on to patterns. And it’s only natural for them to latch on to a path of least resistance. Every time you do something for them, either because you don’t think they are capable of doing it themselves or (and more commonly I’ve found at least) you are just simply in a hurry. You don’t have time to wait for them to put their shoes on, or take their plates to the sink, or do their homework on their own. Little things, sometimes compounding every day.
I have found myself occasionally teaching my children to be dependent on me. Selfishly, there’s a part of me that even wants that. It’s good to be needed. But that is not what they need. They need to learn independence. That takes work. And it starts my avoiding teaching them dependence.