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Thank you for detailed and honest answer, i really appreciate it~

About the answer to your points, i decided to not clutter comments with long threads here, so i left you a message over at a certain numbered site (the numbers being nine and five, of course), hope you don't mind~

This was nicely written, funny (fo realsies, ya soggy tictacs!) and good all around, hopefully people catch on w/ this lil gem goin forward.

Anyways, i did have a few gripes with it (being your first project and such), so here they are:

• the very first H scene (w/ the hero's party) was oddly out of place, if it's plot relevant (and gonna be explained later) then i guess it should stay, but otherwise - ehh, maybe if it was our MC's very first dream? but even then, it's poorly telegraphed. i know this is an adult game, but H scenes out of place can be quite baffling, not hot or anything - if that's the intent - sure, but still slightly weird, given MC's nature, personality and all that.
• the direction of some scenes could be hit or miss, for example during some conversation there were animated cut-ins, probably to give those scenes a cinematic feeling, but those braking trucks and views of people walking (mostly their legs) felt out of place in context of said scene(s). i would either try changing up the presentation to something else, or find some less irrelevant / jarring clips to insert here. basically, the flow of some scenes could definitely use some improvements.
• the characterization overall is very nice, the girls are refreshingly assertive and active (maybe even a bit too feisty, heh~). which makes the contrast with MC being all aloof and stoic a tad too severe. i get that he was like that all his life, and just started to change, but him being silent (and passive) most of the times can get somewhat boring - or even make Jax look too pushy at times (being a hyperactive but lovable dumbass she is, not a sex fiend or worse) - and that kinda throws off the balance. while i don't mind 2/3 of text being girls talking, it gets closer to 3/4 of that here, even while MC's present and awake. and while his thoughts are interesting and all that, everyone just taking his overly introspective nature in strides breaks my suspension of disbelief a bit more than that one asylum bad end in a clearly fantastic story :p. basically, the cast should be either balanced out with a few errr calmer chars, or our mc should develop into someone less aloof/become more proactive somewhat soonish, or both.
• the prose is good and most dialogues are well written, noticed just a few typos and mistakes here (another QC pass won't hurt, but nothing too glaring). however blending comedy and drama/serious plot is always hard, hence leaning into (admittedly mostly pretty funny) banter all the time can get somewhat tiring (esp if it's too long winded for it's own good), and also obscure/pad out all the juicy bits - namely lore, characters and plot relevant bits or progression. while not that bad by itself, it made me think when will those lasses finally calm down their tits!? or something to that effect... a few times at least. it's amusing, but a bit too much sometimes, and makes the MC feel like an even more of a spectator than he already is, which is not good imo - the banter, being fun and funny, slowly morphs into noise or feels like unnecessary padding. goofing around need to stay, but maybe make it more condensed or cut it/the amount down a lil. basically, banter's good but maybe not overdo it and prioritize the delivery of story and character drama over jokes, no matter how funny they are - or at least try to balance it out a bit, imo.
• other things are either minor (quite frankly the Ann's tutorial at the beginning was mostly unnecessary, or could have been condensed to +- just a few sentences), or related to mc being what he is (like barely partaking in skinship or any forms of intimacy - even friendly one - let alone initiating it) and etc.

tl;dr, overall i quite liked what i have seen - despite some beginner mistakes here and there and a few other concerns, hence i wish you luck and will be waiting patiently for the next part of the story!

and above all, please do not take my criticism as damning, since it's anything but - i just want your story to get even better than it already is (and it's fairly good as is), so yeah don't sweat it too much - i mean good, i swear~~~

cheers!

not gonna lie, relationships between girls are one of the best things this vn has going for it.

and imo there are a lot of those on full display here - i love it for all the character interactions, interpersonal relationships, plot/lore/attention to details, everyone having their own agency and ethos, mc being an actually good person and not just a "nice guy" among many other things.

so yeah, please kindly move along.

writers and fiction in general do not exist to cater to everyone's fetishes/kinks or just general preferences, and i would pick a good, nicely written tale over something brimming with things i should theoretically like every time, if it lacks the makings of a good story - after all, there are a lot of people who would like a good novel with some spice rather than a full on porn thingy with some mediocre writing, regardless of visual/etc quality of said porn content.

tl;dr: you do your thing Vertigo, we all love you for that and being true to yourself and your love child <3

Very cool, thank you!

I weren't sure what's your plans for those chars since it's indeed too early to tell, but i thought it prudent to chime in early on with some feedback so you could - at the worst case - change things for the better, hopefully, while it's still not too far ahead in the plot dept.

Anyways, your confidence is quite reassuring indeed, so for now i am gonna trust ya on that and enjoy the story as it goes ~

This is pretty nice and i quite like it already, but i have one major nitpick:

I am talking about Kate & Iris (from TM), they have basically the same personalities here. For new players, this is gonna be cool, but for returning ones - not so much. It's a bit better for Kate, but Iris is basically a "what if Iris but vampire", with her personality & appearance almost unchanged (at least atm).

What's not so ideal about this:
Even if you love and cherish those characters, or just mostly like the models and want to share/lessen the workload (idk the reasons, do forgive me if i am wrong), they still feel kinda... recycled? maybe even stale?

Basically, folks who came here for the new story, world and chars, they will get a new background (so to speak) but with the old faces all around, and that can get fairly boring and stale - esp without any meaningful (and distinct from TM) chara dev - and that's p bad for any story out there.

But since that's your decision to make (and a core one at that) i won't suggest changing the models/personalities, basically replacing those two chars, it absolutely won't hurt making em different enough, though:

Giving them some different sides, depth which TM ones were kinda lacking, some cool backstory & role in the plot, or maybe even make em evolve into a different person, which should be doable, given enough time and plot beats, for example.

All those things can either alleviate this problem or even solve it for the most part, which would be p cool since quite frankly those two as they are right now are quite distracting here - they were absolutely fine in TM, ofc.

And truth being told, i quite liked TM for what it was - and i hope this one goes above and beyond it! - so good luck to ya OCN, congrats on releasing and beginning a new story, and don't ever give up~ all my criticism comes from the place of love & a wish to help this story be as good as possible, which it deserves since it got quite some potential, imo.

Anyway, hope that helps and won't discourage you from writing and creating something you enjoy and love doing, which is a p cool thing if you think about it.

There's absolutely no need to be this rude about this, jesus christ...

Simply beautiful, thanks for making this

Thank you for creating this!

It made me think and feel, which is all i ever ask from good fiction/works of art.

And i am glad my feelings came through.

Oh, i guess i have missed the true ending, huh...

A walkthrough (a post/devlog here on itch, if you don't mind) would be very appreciated.

The bugs are rather minor, but making 't flow smoother would benefit the experience a lot - the greater the impact, the less one gets thrown out of the world - the better, imo!

P.S. Oh and i almost forgot another thing that i loved - when you "fail" a choice, or get a "bad" ending the next time you help reader both chose the ones that further the story and you also add new and meaningful bits to the story!

This is truly lovely and makes re-experiencing story not punishing, but rewarding instead (i like it when games do not punish people for failure, but instead do something else or even reward them in some way) - esp in a game with lots of choices - that's p sweet and thoughtful, all things considered!

Now for a few things i thought were a tad rough and needed some polish.

<Beware some slight spoilers, all who goes there!>

Would be nice if all the special text and effects would either show in the log, stay a bit longer on screen, or maybe even won't auto play at all (but i understand your choice, even though it's a bit hard for me to keep up and i can't read things that fast/check it out later in the log).

A small bug with audio - some lines do not play at all, while most do (so i presumed that's just a bug and not a partial voicing), and since i loved all the VAs work (seriously, you all did such a cool job! big props to everyone~) it would be nice to get this fixed.

And just a stray'o thought on a structure - this work kinda calls for a... kind of a true ending? I am not entirely sure, but some kind of a resolution after helping all three girls sounded like it just would feel nice in here!

(i could be wrong, for i poked the fourth ending - the laundry one - first, maybe it's different after you go through all the other routes, but iirc it disappeared from available choices for me?.. anyway, this is just my personal feeling, it's safe to ignore. the work you did just felt a little... incomplete?.. is all. but you did so good, even perfectionism - an enemy of mine - cannot stain your efforts in my mind... anyway, you have my thanks for creating this, and i must stop the  blabbering once again. bye-bye, fellow hooman bings~)

Basically, i loved it.

The voices, the music, the art, everything beautifully poisonous and poignant, just... scrumptious.

Aside from not entirely getting the fourth endings and a few mostly technical nitpicks (in a post below), this was one of the most beautiful things i have read recently.

Thank you all, oh and to the writer specifically - i am no God, but you have won my utter adoration~

Honestly, i don't even know where to begin and what to say, so i will mindlessly repeat like a broken angel - i loved loved loved your creation, thank you, even if i would like to imagine all of them happy in another different world... it's the final release that is worth it, i guess.

Ahem.

...now enough of my ramblings and all the love to the team <3

y`all deserve it, truly

P.S. Oh and all the little details, from glitches and title change on a certain route - very cool, and music was lovely too!

[hopefully now i remembered everything i loved and thanked anyone who worked on it \^-^'/]

P.S. also shoutouts to Pumpkin Spike, for route they wrote was as subtle, bittersweet, and emotionally complex (also - cute!) as time probably allowed, giving some rightfully deserved happiness to Mimi (the adorkablest lil disaster~) and enough depth via self-reflection, introspection and acceptance to Qian!

This was pretty lovely, big props to the team.

The music was very pleasant, effects p nice (esp for a jam submission), plot and characters fairly well written + all the art and UI beautifully done,  realized and fitting (sorry if i forgot something else! pls no offense~ 'w`).

A solid one, though i must admit that among the Shinoverse my favorite is still the Red Queen >:3 best of luck in this jam here and in yalls future endeavors, they are all appreciated and good!!!!!! peace~