Rattenbury Ghost: A Whale of a Time
“Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.” – Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
With the Rattenbury Ghost undergoing annual maintenance on Balina, and both Dr Zed and Germaine off gallivanting somewhere, Ed Dyson and Big Ted find themselves in the starport bar. (The two ladies have not left any contact details, because Big Ted might use them for unsavoury purposes.)
Questionable decisions are made; decisions involving a friendly airship captain, a conversation on the value of mechanical sky-whale ambergris, and more Inlander Rum than might be medically advisable.
This leads to an agreement with the friendly airship captain about using his vessel to board a giant mechanical sky-whale – a relic of the Old Empire – and relieve it of its ambergris. Unfortunately, on approach, the sky-whale discharges a bolt of lightning at the airship from a rod on its back, and Big Ted takes this as a personal affront. One thing leads to another, and after a short firefight involving Big Ted’s plasma rifle, the pair find themselves in the rapidly-closing maw of the sky-whale as it plummets to the distant ocean below, broken and on fire.
Speaking of broken, the airship has seen better days, days when its gasbag was free of holes and properly attached to it, and it wasn’t on fire itself. As it disappears down the sky-whale’s gullet, Dyson and Big Ted disembark in an informal manner; the captain stays with his ship. Dyson is carrying his tools and the ship’s cat, and immediately decides that the sky-whale is in need of his services as an engineer (poor thing); Big Ted is carrying a wide selection of firearms, and wearing his usual outfit; bishop’s robes (taken from one of his earlier victims), a scalp with a Mohican haircut (ditto) which owing to insanitary personal habits has become fused with his own scalp fur, and a bishop’s mitre perched at a jaunty angle on top of the scalp. His motivation is more mercenary, and involves looting ambergris.
The maw itself is full of screeching, bioluminescent sky-krill and conversation is impossible, so skirting the conveyor belt taking the krill aft, the pair find a walkway and head aft, as forward out of the maw is undesirable and sideways is not viable. This brings them to a krill processing area, currently blocked by a damaged (and familiar-looking) airship which is being dismantled by busy maintenance robots. Following signs leads them to the control room, clearly automated and minding its own business since the Old Empire fell centuries ago, where over-eager fire suppression robots douse them in flame-retardant foam. Big Ted roars threats at the robots and orders them into the krill processor to fight the fires there; he will later claim to have intimidated them, but Dyson privately suspects they are simply doing their job. Big Ted discovers the lever which opens and closes the maw, but decides not to use it for the moment. He is assisted in this decision by a swarm of repairbots which takes him for some sort of intruder, and advance, intent on disassembling him. He dissuades them with long, uncontrolled bursts from his assault rifle, disabling many.
As the falling sky-whale starts to encounter turbulence, Big Ted follows signs leading to the Emergency Ballast Cannon – it’s a cannon, he’s bound to be able to do something interesting with it – while Dyson makes for the power collector. As Big Ted arrives, the pneumatic cannon starts firing pulses of water in an attempt to lighten ship; he quickly realises that he could climb inside the cannon and be fired outside the whale, plummeting to his death separately. He reserves this option for later and makes his way back to the krill processor, intent on helping put out the fire, pausing only to gun down another robot repair crew.
Meanwhile, Dyson has discovered that the power collector is working backwards, shooting bolts of electricity out of the whale instead of collecting it from lightning strikes. He decides that it is overloading because the burning airship has raised the boiler temperature too high – like all human-built power plants, this one is essentially a steam engine; krill are burned to heat water, generating steam which turns turbines to produce electricity. He is delayed by Griselda, a crazy cat lady who has made her home aboard the sky-whale for reasons that will never become clear.
Dyson moves on to the engine room. Unnecessary amounts of dangerous moving parts? Check. Thermal sterilisation vents? Check. Krill-tenderising auto hammers? Check. Sky-whale nosing over so that the floor is now the wall? Check. Auto hammers starting to bend under the change of direction? Check. Dyson clambers as quickly and cautiously as he can manage to the engine itself, but can’t see what’s wrong with it.
Dyson knows from a diagram he found in the control room that there is an emergency brake, which he hopes is an enormous parachute, and he also knows where it is, so he makes his way there, using his commlink to send Big Ted back to the control room to open the maw. (His thinking is that when he deploys the parachute, the jerk will free the remains of the airship and eject it, lightening the ship while also reducing the temperature and therefore the electrical overcharge.) Big Ted reaches the control room with some difficulty, as the sky-whale is now tumbling slowly end over end, and pulls the maw-opening lever, before heading back to the krill processor and thence to the maw. Meanwhile, Dyson has found good news and bad news; the good news is that the emergency brake is indeed a cluster of huge parachutes, the bad news is that this area is on fire, full of smoke, flames, and the remains of parachutes. He gambles that there must be a backup chute somewhere, and at length finds it. Calling a warning to Big Ted, he pulls the manual override and hangs on for dear life as the backup chute deploys with a bone-jarring 3G deceleration.
Several things now happen more or less at once. First, Dyson manages to hang on to something, and even manages to secure White Star, the ship’s cat. Second, a scream and a terrified miaow, followed by a soggy thump, suggest that Griselda and her cat didn’t hang on; they will later be found smeared over the forward bulkhead of the power collector. Third, the ambergris storage area yields several tons of unprocessed ambergris, which smells like raw sewage and is the consistency of thick mud; this falls into the engine room with a disgusting noise. Fourth, the airship does indeed come unstuck, and tumbles into the maw, where it sticks again, tangled up in its own gasbag and the sky-whale’s krill scoop. Fifth, the airship captain waves and calls for help from the wreckage. Sixth, Big Ted uses his plasma rifle to blast the airship free, incinerating the captain, and artfully uses the recoil to knock himself backward along the gullet into the krill processing area so that he doesn’t fall out. (He will later deny any knowledge of what happened to the captain.)
Dyson rushes to the control room, where he manages despite his lack of skill to gain control of the sky-whale and make a forced landing on the ocean, while Big Ted rolls around in the ambergris so that it sticks in his fur, having failed to think of any other way of collecting it.
As the splashing subsides, Dyson manages – again despite his lack of skill – to steer the sky-whale as an impromptu boat, heading for the nearest port. There, they will sell the ambergris for a tidy sum; Dyson uses his share to fund repairs for the sky-whale, while Big Ted purchases and consumes a truly mind-blowing quantity and diversity of hallucinogenic drugs, as well as the services of professional companions of several species with low standards.
GM Notes
Much to my surprise and delight, a chance arose to run something for the Rattenbury Ghost players, a group I have long thought dispersed. Such opportunities are getting very few and far between, so existing PCs and one-shot scenarios are the order of the day. Thus it was that I hastily converted the old PCs to SWADE and dug out a suitable one-shot; the delightful one page dungeon from Loke Battlemats, A Whale of a Time.
Now, while the Pirates of Drinax crew love a richly detailed setting with a story arc and connected adventures, this lot just want to jump in, solve the puzzle, shoot the bad guys and take their stuff; anything more complex just gets in the way for them. Which setting are they in? I don’t have to say – the PCs are far enough out in the boonies that it doesn’t matter. There was an Old Empire which collapsed centuries ago, and tramp freighters now ply the spaces between dozens of independent planets with idiosyncratic cultures along the former frontier. That’s pretty much all we know.
Honestly, I think we have more fun with less prep time this way. Like any other form of presentation, success is all about knowing your audience.
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