Hello!
It's really been a while...
Ok, I wanted to write something sensate, but my mind got blank.
Well, it's been something like 7 years since I wrote here, and I've no idea if someone is still here, or everyone moved away.
Time passed, world changed, people changed, new SNS and habits were introduced...
I'm here to explain why I disappeared and why I'm back...
Because yes, it might not be at 100% but I'm back in the fandom.
What I can say is that my life really changed in these years, and I can't say it did in a better way.
When I started this blog it was because, after graduation, my life was really crushed in all sides. I couldn't find any job, my family wasn't exactly nice, with tons of troubles in it, and I had also lost love in a bad way and the friends I finally made in Uni, after being always used or lonely, were all from different cities so we couldn't meet any longer.
No-one has never been there, picking my pieces when I fell, so I did it alone, once again, choosing to get into Japanese entertainment to keep my mind busy instead of ending my life.
Through fandom I met all kind of people, coming from all the world, both online and in person, and I really got fun.
Some of them disappeared, others stayed in the years, but I really want to thank all of them for the time spent fangirling together.
It healed me.
Later I found a job, or better, I was given a job by a relative of mine, I hadn't been in touch for a while.
"How nice, you're lucky" you would think, and maybe you would have been right if my relative was a normal person, but unfortunately he isn't.
He worked myself off until I got sick. I faced all kind of issues, even legal for his own sake and the messes he made in all his life.
I reached the point I didn't even have any longer the time to sleep.
I started sleeping max 4-5h /night, and I'm still doing it, not being any longer able to sleep more. Then covid hit.
My town was literally teared apart by the pandemic.
We had so many dead that we didn't even had the space to bury them, so they all needed to be cremated,
but we had only a crematorium in town, and it couldn't provide for so many dead, so corpses were sent to other towns.
We didn't have enough doctors and medical workers, so the sick people had to stay home until they couldn't breath any longer,
when they could call the ambulance.
Basically families saw their relatives for the last time when they were took to the hospital by ambulance,
then they came out dead in black plastic bags and you couldn't even tell who was it.
Funerals couldn't be celebrated, they simply delivered to people the ashes of their relatives.
It was terrible. The only sound you could hear were the sound of ambulance's sirens, day and night.
Enough with it, I don't really want to think to those times, but I needed to talk about it,
because economy in my country got even worse because of it (and it hadn't healed yet from 2008 breakdown)
and my work got affected by it as well. I worked even more, not leaving any time out and I didn't even get my salary,
on the contrary, I was the one giving money to the company to help my relative, but it was my biggest mistake.
I had to quit fandom because of it. Earlier I didn't have the time to follow things, but I was still buying my favs releases, but then...
No money, no purchases. All I bought in years were food, animals food, medicines, animals medicines and house necessities.
I lived for others' sake for my whole life, but since 2020 it became insane.
In 2022 my mother fell sick, and after 6 months in and out of hospital, she was sent home to die more or less 2 weeks later.
I had to take her of her day and night and at the same time work from home, take care of the family and of the animals.
Who is aquitanced with me, already knows that not only I always had pets (dogs, cats etc) but I'm also an official stray cats carer and I run
by myself a cat sanctuary since 2010. Among 2016-2020 I had some friends from other sanctuary helping out at least with neutering,
but then because of covid effects on economy their work companies moved to other cities and they had to leave, so yeah,
all duties and expenses are on me.
After mother left us things in the family got very complicated. I had to hire lawyers to fix my father messes and to do all things you need
to do after a family member passes away. In the meanwhile my relative sold his company to a stranger who destroied it and sent it in bankrupt.
In the middle of june 2024 I quit, built my own company and I'm still fighting for having my salary and leant money back.
My mistake was hiring that relative of mine. I built it for my dad's sake, since he doesn't want to stop working even if he's old and has a disease,
but this relative of mine always blackmailed me so I'm forced to do things I don't want, and he does things on his own, without asking me,
behaving as if he's the owner.
In all that mess, to not get crazy, I had to hold into something "fun", so I restarted to follow my soccer team I was a fan since childhood,
even though I watch matches just on tv, and I slowly started to get back in the fandom.
So many things changed. Basically all groups I loved are either gone or lost members. I was totally shocked when I heard Fumi left Ebi.
It broke my heart. Also, NEWS was left with 3-nin, KATTUN disbanded...
Eito had to change their name because of that agency's mess.
I won't talk about it, but I'm pretty sure of what really happened and at this point I can't care less.
What I mean is that I always looked to j-entertainment with business eyes more than fan eyes to I was saying that company was destined to
crash already in 2014, due to some choices they did, and I discussed about it with friends so much at that time.
We all could see a close end, maybe not exactly in the way it went but well...
So yeah, whatever it's been, now all we can do is cheering for both who stayed and who left.
All of them did it for searching for a future, and none is wrong.
I couldn't catch up with every group/ artist I followed before, and above all, I've absolutely no idea of who're the juniors nowadays and
who debuted after Snow Man and SixTONES, I'm sorry, but if you want to teach me, feel free.
I still follow J-Dramas and as for the groups I'm trying to follow/catch up with what I lost are for J-pop : A.B.C-Z and NEWS.
For J-Rock My First Story, and maybe The Brow Beat.
The new entries in my fandom life are the recently debuted IMP. and Number_i, who I'm supporting since they cheer me up with
their "bakaness" and their music. You'll find their stuff on my Livejournal in a close future.
As for the broken links I'm planning to re-up them, but not everything, just the things I'm still following.
I'll make a "broken links" post, where you'll be able to link me what you wish I reupload, to give it the precedence.
My internet is even slower than what it was years ago, so it might take a lot.
By the way, as I wrote at the beginning of this LOOONG post, things changed so much...
and I've the feeling no-one is hanging out Livejournal (or dreamwidth backup) any longer, where do you guys gather nowadays?
Last but not least, my thank you goes to the fandom friends who didn't leave me just because we all got busy,
and when I knocked at their door were still there. IDK if I can mention them here, but they know who they are.
To the super Sensei I adore and she's been the most kind person I met in my whole life, and recently did all she could to make me feel better,
cutting down her little free time for my sake. Thank you, and sorry, I realized only after more than a month you were sacrificing too much
of your time for my sake, so I stopped doing the thing we were doing, but I didn't give up. Thank you dear<3
To the woman I look up to, strong and super hardworker, who always listen to my nonsense rants and lifts the weight on my heart with her project. Thank you for everything !
To the girl who taught me about the crazy group is brighting up my days and made me so proud, Thank you!
You gave me something to hold on to keep on living in my daily hell. To you might seems something little,
but for me it's a lot. I'm really grateful.
So yeah, I'm back, so if you want, say hello. Even if we didn't know each other before it's ok, just introduce yourself.
Have a good day/afternoon/ night
Pel
crappy
