B (the potential roommate) is awesome, and he really really liked us. We had to put in an app for being put on the lease, and we *should* hear back for that tomorrow. Assuming that goes through we should be able to move in tomorrow. And it'd be about $300 or so less than what we were paying for the craptastic apartment of doom.

I have no idea if they would, since there's already a paying tenant we'd be moving in with, but I'm kind of terrified we'll hear back that we've been turned down. I don't know why we would. But...

In any case, if we can move in with Brandon he's got friends with trucks that can help us move etc. Which'll be awesome.

If we do get turned down, we're back to where we were, and we'll have to go the storage unit - motel route.

God I'm so tired.

Also, David's mom forgot his birth certificate. Bloody well figures, right? And we got a "continuing to live together isn't good for you" speech.

Parts of this wasn't the best day ever, y'know?

She did buy me lunch, though, at a buffet even, so I'm stuffed. And I splurged a little on my self and got a (cheap) nifty necklace from American Eagle. And I came home to find a fabulous response to one of my prompts on today's comment porn from meredevachon. I've never entirely gotten into wingfic before.

But with her writing it? Yeah. Re-evaluating that opinion. That, or I just adore her that much. Either way. ::grins::

And now... Now to wait. Again.

So. I'm gonna take a nap. Then pack some more. And then watch Firefly, for lo - Firefly is love.

He's given in. Given up.

It's after 4am, and he's starting to pack. Says he can be out by the weekend. Says it'll be easier to find someplace to transition if it's just me and the cats.

He's going back to his parents' place.

I'm going to lose him. I don't mean that in the romantic sense, like this is breaking up. They'll break him again. And this time he might not ever break free.

He was holding me when he finally stopped crying. When he made his voice dead because he'd stuffed everything into a box in his brain and just switched his emotions off again. I'd been hoping he'd forgotten how to do that. Turns out that's a survival instinct that doesn't ever heal. Not really.

And he's got this bad habit of cutting people off because it's easier not to feel.

Eight years. Eight years I've known him, and I might never, ever hear from him again when the world comes undone.

I'm going to lose him. Even if he keeps in touch... He won't be David anymore.

He asked me to take care of Pippin for him. I guess I really do have two cats now.

I have never felt so alone. Or empty.

I need to write an email to Trickster!Mike and Grey. They're the closest... The two I can trust with my babies while whatever is about to happen happens. Maybe I can crash there for a while. I need to write an email to my mother. Because fuck. I don't know what's about to happen.

It's 430 now. Every time I think I don't have any tears left...

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang.


ETA: He's looking into the low income housing, what we'd need to do. Still have to send emails. Would need a co-signer. Less depressing. But right now I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm not letting myself hope at all.

Still no unemployment. Will have to call tomorrow and see what the hell is going on.

In the meantime, I've been informed that I've got to be out of my apartment at the end of the month. Assuming not earlier. That's if they don't serve me eviction papers.

Considering I'm supposed to fly out on the 23rd...

I don't have anywhere to go. (I don't think, had an offer somewhere not Texas, but I don't know if that stands when there's no finances to hold up my end of the bargain.) I don't have any money to move with. I have two cats that... Jesus. I don't even have a room at my parents' house anymore.

And David's having a panic attack, because he thinks he'll have to go back to live with his parents. Considering the emotional/psychological abuse? Yeah, can't say as I blame him. He also doesn't want to lose Pippin, who's really his cat, not mine. Panic and depression on his end, and it's only making everything worse.

This is kind of the time that I need to be thinking on my feet, and all I want to do is curl up in the corner and cry. I can't think at all, let alone think straight. Let alone come up with a plan.

I'm not complicated. I don't need much. A roof, food, the internet, my cat(s), access to the internet, and for David to be okay. (I'd prefer keeping David as a roommate... I don't remember what it's like to live without him anymore, we've been living together long enough, but as long as I know he's alright and he's not stuck with his parents I'd be satisfied.)

I'm gonna go panic in the corner now. Then try and figure... something.

Fuck.

Hold onto your hats, boys and girls. This is not a happy post. But I'd encourage you to read it anyway, especially if you're in the US. And very especially if you live in Colorado. (I really hope this is coherent all the way through...)



I thought the new law in Oklahoma was bad.

Unfortunately I simply hadn't heard of Colorado Amendment 48, which will, according to the state's constitution, define a person as a fertilized egg and grants it all the same inalienable rights as any human actually born into the world. (Not sure how I missed ashfae's posts discussing this before, but she's got some good analysis on it whereas this is my kneejerk reactions.)

At first glance that just sounds like the usual pro-life position right? As I've said before, whatever position you take, the discussion of pro-life vs pro-choice is a valid one.

But this is so much more than that. And so much worse.

According to Blogcritics Magazine:

Fertilization will be the new starting point of rights and privileges for U.S. bor… er, unborn citizens, so purging the unborn will now be known to the legal eye as “murdering.”

This amendment is the brain child of one Kristi Burton, who is part of a group ironically called “Colorado for Equal Rights.” According to the group, all abortion, even in the case of rape and/or incest, should not be permitted. Those are the so-called “hard cases” for abortion that even some pro-lifers agree should be allowed. According to some groups supporting 48, though, there are no “hard cases” for abortions ...

...

Possibly the worst part of the entire ordeal is the horribly vague wording on the amendment. Under its statute, even birth control will not be legal, as ejecting/destroying any fertilized eggs will be counted as murder. So the removal of abortion rights and the ability to use birth control will both be prohibited by this amendment.

...

If any of these unfortunate occurrences were to happen, Amendment 48 will strip all rights of choice away from the woman, even if she is not healthy enough to have a child. You read that correctly. Even if having the baby would kill the mother, the baby still cannot be removed.

I'm aware this is a blog, but google isn't turning up straight up news articles, so. Apparently the Denver Post came out against the amendment, saying "it would create an absurd and unworkable maze", but I can't find the original release.

One of the scariest parts? Apparently it's not getting the attention it deserves in light of the economy and presidential election. Basically people would be voting without noticing the broad sweeping implications this would enact. That's terrifying, given that there's plenty of people that would define life as beginning at conception/fertilization, but wouldn't necessarily apply all the rest.

There's more discussion of the legal issues at LifeIssues.Net, about some of the problems with the vague phraseology as it would need to be applied. For instance, the fact that this would essentially make in vitro fertilization illegal while simultaneously opening the door to human cloning and the like (because a human created asexually would not be considered a person and therefore would not be eligible for things like justice or basic human rights).

The friend of mine who pointed this out to me (she lives in CO, and oooh is she riled up) brought up an interesting question:

Should a woman who suffers a miscarriage be charged with negligent homicide because she failed to protect a fertilized egg she may not have even known she carried? Should a man who fertilized an egg be entitled to file a civil lawsuit against a woman who miscarries, charging her with the wrongful death of his week-old fertilized egg?

So I wonder... If every fertilized egg is considered a full person, does that mean it needs to be registered with Social Security, or any other portion of local and federal government? What about people who have to take medications that could interfere with the reproductive process? What if a person has biological issues that make maintaining a pregnancy difficult, would it be considered manslaughter or murder because carrying to term was unsuccessful? What about people that have psychological problems, but are still functioning members of society that don't want to have children; are they relegated to using condoms when birth control is more viable and responsible and enjoyable? And seriously, what about people who honestly want to have a family of their own flesh and blood, and their only option is in vitro? Will coorperations looking to capitalize on stem cell research and human experimentation utilizing cloned organs/fetuses/etc be permitted to market their products, results, and cloned materials outside the state? What happens to under-age rape victims that run away out of state in order to have an abortion, can a lawsuit be filed against them by the father in Colorado? (I was yelling about more issues, but I've forgotten what they are now. ::sighs::)

It's also interesting to note that Colorado Right to Life managed to split national anti-abortion groups, going so far as to challenge the National Right to Life's position (if I'm reading this correctly, they basically aren't anti-abortion enough), and also alienated the Catholic Church. Considering how conservative those groups are, how staunch in their positions, that's pretty damn impressive. It probably has something to do with the fact that they (CRL) view incest-related abortions as enabling the perpetrators of incest, as though forcing a young girl to give birth would prevent her from being molested again. As though the pregnancy itself won't be traumatic (in some circumstances).

(Oh, but that's right the new amendment has nothing to do with abortion. Riiiight. Just like it isn't impinging on the separation of church and state, not at all.)

I just don't understand this level of... of ignorance. I don't understand how you can claim to cherish life and have no compassion. And be that cruel. The complete disregard for personal freedom, the greed for power and control that has nothing to do with morality or ethics and is only thinly thinly veiled in religious terminology... How the fuck did this even get to the ballot? I've got my fingers and toes crossed that this doesn't pass. Because while I'm sure there would immediately be a movement to have it stricken, that would still take time to work it's way through and go up for a vote. So much damage can be done in so short a time. And if it can pass in Colorado, God knows Congress is next. I have my doubts that such a thing could ever pass on the federal level, but there's more important things Congress should be focusing on. And if it did pass? Well. I'd have to promptly become an ex-patriot.

And now I'm devolving into babble, so I'll shut up. Just. Fuck it all, yeah? If you're in CO make sure to vote November 4, make sure to vote no to this damn thing...

So I'm in financial straights. Again. This is me panicking.

None of the things that were supposed to happen happened (frakking second job, damn university screwing David's shit up, and I screwed up getting into classes in July). I sold off most everything I could last month. And my parents are already helping me as much as they can. And things that shouldn't have happened did.

I have to pay a $300 ticket by friday (or maybe thursday, I can't remember if the court is open on friday, and damn if the cop that wrote it didn't take it personal). I have to pay the rest of rent... well, I was supposed to do it Saturday but my paycheck was delayed so we'll see what they say tomorrow. But I'm going to be a good bit short even when I do get paid.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who I feel comfortable asking (I already owe Mike a favor... and Rin already helped me out once last fall.) for advice, or help. Most of the people I know aren't much better off than I am. And with my track record, what right do I have to ask anybody for money? (Although the second job should be working through, just not in time, and unless the university is a collection of asshats, I'll have finaid money eventually. But what good is my word on that?)

I don't know what to do. And I'd do just about anything, short of selling my soul, my firstborn, or my body (... well, for sex anyway).

I'm holding myself together with twine and scotch tape, but I don't know how much longer it'll last. Don't be mad if I crack or if I'm off. I don't mean it.

I just don't know what to do.

Finally got a hold of my brother's girlfriend last night - her dad has/d a kidney stone, and is perfectly alright.

My cousin seems to be doing better - he's sleeping a lot apparently. But his EEG shows he doesn't have epilepsy so that's a plus. Still waiting on the MRI (I am, anyway, heh). His leg is getting better (though I don't think anyone mentioned his leg to me before, or maybe I lost it in all the talk about his brain), and his arm will only need to be in a sling for 6 weeks. They don't think he'll be well enough in time for school, but there's a go between that contacted my aunt about that. So, yay better.

And now for listings. ::twirls finger in air with enthusiasm. really.::

What I wouldn't give for a car, a tank of gas, and nowhere in particular to be. No place I'd have to stop, unless I wanted to. Just for a little while.

::sighs::

My brother's girlfriend's dad is in the ER. I don't know why yet. ::rubs a hand over face:: Is this week done yet?

As per my grandmother. I didn't realize my uncle had changed jobs and is a truck driver, which is why I haven't heard from my aunt directly - she's juggling everything....

M just called to say the new doctor just came in. She said she was very good but very blunt to the point of telling her how it really is at this point - nothing sugar coated. She calls A's problems as: Traumatic Brain Injury; Basal Fracture; air pockets in the nasal cavity and are afraid he could develop blood clots (has to start wearing elastic stockings) his sinuses may not be able to ward off bacteria and could be susceptible to bacteria and they are going to give him an adult meningitis shot. He has to develop a schedule; walking daily; nap time; etc. Very rigid. They will continue to evaluate him. So he has a long way to go.

I want to hug them all...

I'm going to go distract myself with making icons and reading stuff by thehighwaywoman.

I just got this email from my mum and I... I was there when this kid was born (not right there, but I was helping out), I changed his diapers... It could be worse. It could get worse. D:
_____

Your cousin A (M's oldest son) was in a serious ATV accident on Fri. He's got a fractured skull and broken collar bone. He was in a coma-like state for many hours, but then he came out of it. Unfortunately, he didn't even know Michele was his mother!! There's blood on his brain that's causing the memory loss. They asked him if he knew where he was and he said, yes, he was at Bonnie Eagle High School playing football. One side of his body has been affected, not paralyzed but not fully functional. As the bruising of his brain and the swelling lessens, hopefully these problems will resolve themselves. So time will tell.