{"@attributes":{"version":"2.0"},"channel":{"title":"Geek of Weird Shit","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/","description":"Geek of Weird Shit - LiveJournal.com","lastBuildDate":"Fri, 16 May 2014 00:28:17 GMT","generator":"LiveJournal \/ LiveJournal.com","copyright":"NOINDEX","image":{"url":"https:\/\/l-userpic.livejournal.com\/4126629\/933275","title":"Geek of Weird Shit","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/","width":"94","height":"100"},"item":[{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/432250.html","pubDate":"Fri, 16 May 2014 00:28:17 GMT","title":"Free at last! Free at last! Thank god, I'm free at last!","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/432250.html","description":"The Denali AK line of credit is now closed.

Now I can get on with my life without any more traces of him<\/i>.



It is not without irony that I note it took me longer to get free and clear of this fucking marriage than I spent in it.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/432250.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/374991.html","pubDate":"Mon, 17 Sep 2012 04:40:59 GMT","title":"Little Dragon","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/374991.html","description":"absolut.com\/remix ?

\u201cSunshine\u201d
Words written by Yukimi Nagano

You were my sunbeam when skies are dark
You got me flying way beyond
\u2018Cause I\u2019ve been wandering and feeling lost
Now, like whirlwind, you put a spell on me

Have been dragging my feet along sleepless everday
I couldn\u2019t figure out a thing
Until your lightbeam came crashing in
Waited five seconds, soaked in some magic, shoot across
To transform my every loss, but then you can storming

You were my sunbeam when skies are dark
You got me flying way beyond
\u2018Cause I\u2019ve been wandering and feeling lost
Now, like whirlwind, you put a spell on me

Your electric ways had me right then
Me and my ghost of the past, get him tied down
Waited five seconds, soaked in some magic, come across
To transform my every loss, but then you can storming in

You were my sunbeam when skies are dark
You got me flying way beyond
\u2018Cause I\u2019ve been wandering and feeling lost
Now, like whirlwind, you put a spell on me","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/374991.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/363948.html","pubDate":"Sun, 01 Jul 2012 23:40:43 GMT","title":"Oops","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/363948.html","description":"Hmmm. It seems I\u2019ve had better ideas than washing the shower curtain, bathroom rug, and two towels together.

Oops. *laugh*","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/363948.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/360364.html","pubDate":"Sun, 17 Jun 2012 04:02:56 GMT","title":"Summer's here","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/360364.html","description":"80 degrees at 2:15 pm today.

This is gonna be one long, hot summer.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/360364.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/343116.html","pubDate":"Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:17:21 GMT","title":"Breakfast, sandwiches, seasonal to-do list","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/343116.html","description":"9 yummy breakfast ideas<\/a>

30 sammich ideas<\/a>

monthly house-mucking list<\/a> . . . although I should modify it for farming, too.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/343116.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/341201.html","pubDate":"Sun, 05 Feb 2012 15:32:34 GMT","title":"Thinking of Nasu","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/341201.html","description":"7 years this month.

I miss you, my bold friend.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/341201.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/339600.html","pubDate":"Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:13:18 GMT","title":"*snicker*","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/339600.html","description":"I just saw a FB ad for a car detailing service. The one line it had said, simply,

We clean it all



. . . is it a bad thing that my immediate mental response was \"CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!\"<\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/339600.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/338945.html","pubDate":"Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:23:19 GMT","title":"Inspiration","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/338945.html","description":"The only way out is through.

-- <\/a>hypnagogie<\/b><\/a><\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/338674.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/334458.html","pubDate":"Wed, 23 Nov 2011 04:20:13 GMT","title":"RIP, Anne. May you soar with dragons.","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/334458.html","description":"Anne McCaffrey has been one of my favorite authors since childhood. I stopped reading her newer work at about 1998 or so, as it seemed she was just mining a lot of her older worlds without putting much effort into the actual writing. But her earlier work could--and did--bring tears my eyes. She wrote about human, flawed women as heroes and role models, and I loved them fiercely, from Menolly to Lessa to Killashandra Ree.

Anne McCaffrey shaped science fiction and fantasy on a genre-wide scale, affecting more than gender perceptions. She was the first woman to win a Hugo, IIRC, and touched lives far and wide. She is one of the few authors I ever wished to meet in my life; I was just thinking of her a couple of nights ago. Even though I never met her in person, I was blessed to have her--and her characters--in my life. It has been the richer for it.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/334458.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/333750.html","pubDate":"Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:20:17 GMT","title":"Gaslighting","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/333750.html","description":"A fantastic article<\/a> on how we, as a culture, belittle women's emotional reactions. IT happens to men, too, but I know far more women that have internalized this.


A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not \"Crazy\"
by Yashar Ali

You're so sensitive. You're so emotional. You're defensive. You're overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You're crazy! I was just joking, don't you have a sense of humor? You're so dramatic. Just get over it already!

Sound familiar?

If you're a woman, it probably does.

Do you ever hear any of these comments from your spouse, partner, boss, friends, colleagues, or relatives after you have expressed frustration, sadness, or anger about something they<\/i> have done or said?

When someone says these things to you, it's not an example of inconsiderate behavior. When your spouse shows up half an hour late to dinner without calling -- that's inconsiderate behavior. A remark intended to shut you down like, \"Calm down, you're overreacting,\" after you just addressed someone else's bad behavior, is emotional manipulation, pure and simple.

And this is the sort of emotional manipulation that feeds an epidemic in our country, an epidemic that defines women as crazy, irrational, overly sensitive, unhinged. This epidemic helps fuel the idea that women need only the slightest provocation to unleash their (crazy) emotions. It's patently false and unfair.

I think it's time to separate inconsiderate behavior from emotional manipulation, and we need to use a word not found in our normal vocabulary.

I want to introduce a helpful term to identify these reactions: gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a term often used by mental health professionals (I am not one) to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they're crazy.

The term comes from the 1944 MGM film, Gaslight<\/i>, starring Ingrid Bergman. Bergman's husband in the film, played by Charles Boyer, wants to get his hands on her jewelry. He realizes he can accomplish this by having her certified as insane and hauled off to a mental institution. To pull of this task, he intentionally sets the gaslights in their home to flicker off and on, and every time Bergman's character reacts to it, he tells her she's just seeing things. In this setting, a gaslighter is someone who presents false information to alter the victim's perception of him or herself.

Today, when the term is referenced, it's usually because the perpetrator says things like, \"You're so stupid,\" or \"No one will ever want you,\" to the victim. This is an intentional, pre-meditated form of gaslighting, much like the actions of Charles Boyer's character in Gaslight<\/i>, where he strategically plots to confuse Ingrid Bergman's character into believing herself unhinged.

The form of gaslighting I'm addressing is not always pre-mediated or intentional, which makes it worse, because it means all of us, especially women, have dealt with it at one time or another.

Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction -- whether it's anger, frustration, sadness -- in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren't rational or normal.

My friend Anna (all names changed to protect privacy) is married to a man who feels it necessary to make random and unprompted comments about her weight. Whenever she gets upset or frustrated with his insensitive comments, he responds in the same, defeating way, \"You're so sensitive. I'm just joking.\"

My friend Abbie works for a man who finds a way, almost daily, to unnecessarily shoot down her performance and her work product. Comments like, \"Can't you do something right?\" or \"Why did I hire you?\" are regular occurrences for her. Her boss has no problem firing people (he does it regularly), so you wouldn't know from these comments that Abbie has worked for him for six years. But every time she stands up for herself and says, \"It doesn't help me when you say these things,\" she gets the same reaction: \"Relax; you're overreacting.\"

Abbie thinks her boss is just being a jerk in these moments, but the truth is, he is making those comments to manipulate her into thinking her reactions are out of whack. And it's exactly that kind manipulation that has left her feeling guilty about being sensitive, and as a result, she has not left her job.

But gaslighting can be as simple as someone smiling and saying something like, \"You're so sensitive,\" to somebody else. Such a comment may seem innocuous enough, but in that moment, the speaker is making a judgment about how someone else should feel.

While dealing with gaslighting isn't a universal truth for women, we all certainly know plenty of women who encounter it at work, home, or in personal relationships.

And the act of gaslighting does not simply affect women who are not quite sure of themselves. Even vocal, confident, assertive women are vulnerable to gaslighting.

Why?

Because women bare the brunt of our neurosis. It is much easier for us to place our emotional burdens on the shoulders of our wives, our female friends, our girlfriends, our female employees, our female colleagues, than for us to impose them on the shoulders of men.

It's a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it. We continue to burden women because they don't refuse our burdens as easily. It's the ultimate cowardice.

Whether gaslighting is conscious or not, it produces the same result: It renders some women emotionally mute.

These women aren't able to clearly express to their spouses that what is said or done to them is hurtful. They can't tell their boss that his behavior is disrespectful and prevents them from doing their best work. They can't tell their parents that, when they are being critical, they are doing more harm than good.

When these women receive any sort of push back to their reactions, they often brush it off by saying, \"Forget it, it's okay.\"

That \"forget it\" isn't just about dismissing a thought, it is about self-dismissal. It's heartbreaking.

No wonder some women are unconsciously passive aggressive when expressing anger, sadness, or frustration. For years, they have been subjected to so much gaslighting that they can no longer express themselves in a way that feels authentic to them.

They say, \"I'm sorry,\" before giving their opinion. In an email or text message, they place a smiley face next to a serious question or concern, thereby reducing the impact of having to express their true feelings.

You know how it looks: \"You're late :)\"

These are the same women who stay in relationships they don't belong in, who don't follow their dreams, who withdraw from the kind of life they want to live.

Since I have embarked on this feminist self-exploration in my life and in the lives of the women I know, this concept of women as \"crazy\" has really emerged as a major issue in society at large and an equally major frustration for the women in my life, in general.

From the way women are portrayed on reality shows, to how we condition boys and girls to see women, we have come to accept the idea that women are unbalanced, irrational individuals, especially in times of anger and frustration.

Just the other day, on a flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles, a flight attendant who had come to recognize me from my many trips asked me what I did for a living. When I told her that I write mainly about women, she immediately laughed and asked, \"Oh, about how crazy we are?\"

Her gut reaction to my work made me really depressed. While she made her response in jest, her question nonetheless makes visible a pattern of sexist commentary that travels through all facets of society on how men view women, which also greatly impacts how women may view themselves.

As far as I am concerned, the epidemic of gaslighting is part of the struggle against the obstacles of inequality that women constantly face. Acts of gaslighting steal their most powerful tool: their voice.<\/i> This is something we do to women every day, in many different ways.

I don't think this idea that women are \"crazy,\" is based in some sort of massive conspiracy. Rather, I believe it's connected to the slow and steady drumbeat of women being undermined and dismissed, on a daily basis. And gaslighting is one of many reasons why we are dealing with this public construction of women as \"crazy.\"

I recognize that I've been guilty of gaslighting my women friends in the past (but never my male friends--surprise, surprise). It's shameful, but I'm glad I realized that I did it on occasion and put a stop to it.

While I take total responsibility for my actions, I do believe that I, along with many men, am a byproduct of our conditioning. It's about the general insight our conditioning gives us into admitting fault and exposing any emotion.

When we are discouraged in our youth and early adulthood from expressing emotion, it causes many of us to remain steadfast in our refusal to express regret when we see someone in pain from our actions.

When I was writing this piece, I was reminded of one of my favorite Gloria Steinem quotes, \"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.\"

So for many of us, it's first about unlearning<\/i> how to flicker those gaslights and learning<\/i> how to acknowledge and understand the feelings, opinions, and positions of the women in our lives.

But isn't the issue of gaslighting ultimately about whether we are conditioned to believe that women's opinions don't hold as much weight as ours? That what women have to say, what they feel, isn't quite as legitimate?","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/333750.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/331900.html","pubDate":"Wed, 02 Nov 2011 03:09:48 GMT","title":"In the department of TMI","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/331900.html","description":"I think these<\/a> are awesome. Especially Rainbo. :D","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/331900.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/331154.html","pubDate":"Fri, 28 Oct 2011 05:33:54 GMT","title":"This is Halloween","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/331154.html","description":"Tired of all women's Halloween costumes being \"sexy\"? (And yes, those quotation marks are there for irony.)

Check THESE<\/a> bitches out. :D

And if you've got a little dog, too? Go here<\/a>, in particular.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/331154.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/330806.html","pubDate":"Wed, 26 Oct 2011 22:31:56 GMT","title":"From the department of cranky","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/330806.html","description":"It's amazing how much better I feel after whacking the hell out something with a sharp, heavy cleaver. :)","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/330806.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/328679.html","pubDate":"Sun, 16 Oct 2011 05:08:00 GMT","title":"Moar art","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/328679.html","description":"Wow. Wow.<\/i>

I would LOVE<\/a> to see this out in the desert sometime.

Wow.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/328679.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/327854.html","pubDate":"Fri, 14 Oct 2011 06:37:45 GMT","title":"A couple of beautiful things . . .","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/327854.html","description":"If fire was made of water<\/a>

Color in water<\/a>. The third makes me think of Snow White. Just gorgeous.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/327854.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/323917.html","pubDate":"Mon, 19 Sep 2011 03:12:09 GMT","title":"Ruminating","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/323917.html","description":"\"Isn't it a funny and fine thing to realize: that being whole nearly always requires not just the tending of ourselves but the tending of our bonds with others?\"

~ Leah Hager Cohen","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/323917.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/308570.html","pubDate":"Wed, 16 Mar 2011 04:48:24 GMT","title":"Japan","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/308570.html","description":"The last two years of high school, we had a Japanese exchange student who lived with our family. She quickly became another sister. I like to joke that she is the mother of my parents' grandchildren.

Since the earthquake, I've been understandably worried about her.

Just got an email from my folks, forwarded on from her. She's safe, everyone is okay. There are inconveniences, but no rampant disease or starving from food shortages.

I'm glad she's okay.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/308570.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/306592.html","pubDate":"Mon, 28 Feb 2011 02:23:04 GMT","title":"Family","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/306592.html","description":"I love the fact that I have a sister who will call me up just to make turkey noises at me. :)","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/306592.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/301299.html","pubDate":"Fri, 14 Jan 2011 22:57:39 GMT","title":"Love this line","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/301299.html","description":"From <\/a>wilwheaton<\/b><\/a><\/span>:

The Western sky was beginning to turn red and gold as the sun prepared to char the other side of the world and come back to us . . . <\/i>","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/301299.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/295543.html","pubDate":"Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:16:37 GMT","title":"Having a rough day?","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/295543.html","description":"Have some cuteness<\/a>, courtesy of <\/a>manintheboat<\/b><\/a><\/span>.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/295543.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/288004.html","pubDate":"Sat, 25 Sep 2010 06:07:25 GMT","title":"On repeat tonight","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/288004.html","description":"\"Go Walking Down There\"
by Chris Isaak

I go walking down there, I go searching down there,
There's nothing left for you and me.
I go walking down there, I go searching down there,
But nobody there remembers me.

It dosen't matter now to me cause I lost my baby.
Nothing means that much to me without my baby anyway.

Oh. Oh. Oh.Oh Look at all you lucky people, think of all the things you do.
Look at all you happy people, wish I could be like you. Oh.Oh.Oh.Oh.Oh.Oh

I go walking down there, I go searching down there,
There's nothing left for you and me.
I go walking down there, I go searching down there,
There's nothing left for you and me.

Oh. Oh. Oh.Oh Look at all you lucky people, look of all the things you do.
Look at all you happy people, wish I could be like you.
Look at all your smiling faces, think of all the things you've done.
Look at all you happy people, and I've lost my only one.
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/288004.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/287599.html","pubDate":"Mon, 20 Sep 2010 05:22:23 GMT","title":"Huh.","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/287599.html","description":"Word of the day: freemartin<\/i>

More on this later, perhaps.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/287599.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/287476.html","pubDate":"Thu, 16 Sep 2010 16:43:06 GMT","title":"The institute of marriage","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/287476.html","description":"A great post here<\/a> from <\/a>rollick<\/b><\/a><\/span> about how history and different cultures view marriage. As a history major and someone with a great interest in cultural anthropology, I knew a little about this, but sounds like the book is a much more concise source of information.

Good stuff, y'all.","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/287476.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/285639.html","pubDate":"Fri, 27 Aug 2010 15:30:04 GMT","title":"Self-sufficiency","author":"gows","link":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/285639.html","description":"Another great quote from <\/a>k_sada<\/b><\/a><\/span>:

\"I don\u2019t have hobbies, I am creating a post-apocalyptic skill-set.\"<\/i>","comments":"https:\/\/gows.livejournal.com\/285639.html?view=comments#comments"}]}}