So I've come to realize that being lonely really sucks.

I just spent five hours of my night waiting for someone to return a message I previously sent to them, or anyone else just sending a hello my way. I think I've become too needy of both affection and attention and I need to take a step back and think about what I'm putting myself through when I feel this way.

I recently spent four days with someone I care very much about and being unable to speak to them for the last two nights has been a trial of sorts. I'm moody, a little shaken by the silence in the house when nobody's home and bored out of my mind, whereas I would normally be taking to them, enjoying my evening.

I have been writing but I stopped just after dinner tonight, out of the fear that my writing may reflect my current mood, therefore putting far too much sad emotion into the chapters I was working on. The stories can wait however, as the SLP site seems to be in some stage of overhaul and we cannot upload new chapters right now anyway.

Let me make myself clear, however. I am not blaming any one person for my moody situation.

I may be blaming myself but I don't consider myself an important mind to listen to, so I don't count in my own statistics. This is just a rambling, emotional, 'pay attention to me' post, so most of you may ignore it anyway.

I think most of it has to do with the fact that I have 62 contacts on MSN, 47 on Yahoo and 5 on AIM, and not one messaged me tonight after 7:30pm, leaving my entire evening and even now as I write this, friend-free. Why do I keep these people on my lists if they never even send a friendly hello every now and then?

I think I'm going to remove everyone except for a VERY select few (and those of you who cannot seem to reach me because honestly, MSN hates me and sometimes doesn't send messages from others to my computer).

Then I will add those who message me at some time in the future, but only if it's over something relevant, such as a 'hello, how are you?', not just a YouTube link or a post to a random link without a greeting first. I think years of being shafted by people on the messenger services has made me a little bit hard on the inside and anal to the etiquette of Internet messaging, but for the record, most people reading this and using the Internet don't know proper etiquette, spelling, grammar or punctuation, and that bothers me.

But I digress.

As whiny as this post sounds, I cannot help but feel slightly better after venting. I still have some severely depressed muses running around in my mind, both OC and not, and it will take some time for me to feel better now. I also blame my moodiness on the weather, as we received our first snowfall of the season this past week and snow/winter upsets me.

I hate not seeing leaves on the trees.
I hate the muddy snow in the gutters.
I hate driving on ice and feeling frightened to even leave the driveway for fear of crashing into a lightpost everytime I leave the house.
I hate the cold and the sicknesses it brings with it.
I hate the darkness and lack of sunlight.

I want to move somewhere warm, where snow is a joke and is only seen on television, in books and online.

As much fun as I had this past weekend (and good god, was it ever a wickedly fun time), I'm fucking lonely now and more depressed than I would like to admit. Maybe give me a few days to recoup and we'll see what happens. I'm told the weather's supposed to warm up a little, so the snow may melt away and I may have another mini-vacation in the works for next week.

That's probably it, though I'm certain that I'm forgetting to vent about something or another. It'll blow up when I least expect it to, then I'll know what I forgot.

Long post is long and I apologize.