{"@attributes":{"version":"2.0"},"channel":{"title":"The Ghost of a Good thing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/","description":"The Ghost of a Good thing - LiveJournal.com","lastBuildDate":"Wed, 03 Apr 2013 19:39:45 GMT","generator":"LiveJournal \/ LiveJournal.com","copyright":"NOINDEX","image":{"url":"https:\/\/l-userpic.livejournal.com\/106779849\/10941963","title":"The Ghost of a Good thing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/","width":"100","height":"100"},"item":[{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/89922.html","pubDate":"Wed, 03 Apr 2013 19:39:45 GMT","title":"\"You must really hate me for falling in love with you.\"","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/89922.html","description":"

Scandal's Olivia and Fitz...Why haven't I watch this show before? My stomach actually hurt after watching that show...
Jesus, can't take all this angst...


<\/center>
<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/89922.html?view=comments#comments"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/89341.html","pubDate":"Mon, 20 Dec 2010 18:39:30 GMT","title":"\"George Michael gets away with this shit, but he used to be in Wham. Who are you?\"","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/89341.html","description":"
Okay, I'm now obsessed with Misfits. <\/strong><\/em>It's not good because I have not the money to buy the boxset and I really,really, really want it .PLEASE GOD, give me money to buy it.
I went into to this show thinking it would be...well like Dr. Who..A show I have yet to see the charm in.
But this show, I do love. So freaking funny and cute.

Example one: <\/a><\/div>
 <\/div>

And the epic:
"If I was mentally deficient, I would've missed."<\/a>

Nathan is love...*sigh*

But, I have now a huge, huge crush on Iwan Rheon ( Simon ). I can't help it. I have a think for the underdog. I love his and Alishas storyline. So cute and he's like Superman now. ;)
But also, Iwan Rheon can sing..*sigh* His voice is awesome. And the man did a cover of one of my favorite singer\/songwriters Ray Lamontagne's Jolene <\/em>( BTW. that song is played during the end credits of The Town ).
Listen here<\/a>
<\/em>Lyrics:
<\/em>Cocaine flame in my bloodstream
Sold my coat when I hit Spokane
Bought myself a hard pack of cigarettes in the early morning rain
Lately my hands they don't feel like mine
My eyes been stung with dust, I'm blind
Held you in my arms one time
Lost you just the same
Jolene
I ain't about to go straight
It's too late
I found myself face down in the ditch
Booze on my hair
Blood on my lips
A picture of you, holding a picture of me
in the pocket of my blue jeans
Still don't know what love means
Still don't know what love means
Jolene
Ah, La, La, La, La, La
Jolene
Been so long since I seen your face
or felt a part of this human race
I've been living out of this here suitcase for way too long
A man needs something he can hold onto
A nine pound hammer or a woman like you
Either one of them things will do
Jolene
I ain't about to go straight
It's too late
I found myself face down in the ditch
Booze in my hair
Blood on my lips
A picture of you, holding a picture of me
In the pocket of my blue jeans
Still don't know what love means
Still don't know what love means
Jolene
La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Jolene
La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Jolene <\/span><\/em><\/strong>
<\/em><\/a>
And another thing about Misfits..Awesome, awesome music...So many picks and I need to get Spotify on my phone so I can listen to the soundtrack all the time. But if you happen to have Spotify..Well, I highly recommend Sharemyplaylist.com and get the Season one and two playlist for Misfits. It's my addiction now....

I seriously need to calm the fuck down now...Can't be obsessing over a tv-show like that...I'm to old for this shit....

So ending this with a header I just needed to do...;)
\"\"

<\/a>
 <\/div>I'm off to read Water for Elephants...<\/em>Awesome book. But I'm a little bit pissed that Robert Pattinson will be in the movie..:(","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/89341.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88841.html","pubDate":"Sat, 04 Dec 2010 17:45:32 GMT","title":"Lately my hands they don't feel like mine........","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88841.html","description":"
So I have finally seen "The Town". I was so excited because the book is one of the best books I have ever read. 
The book is haunting and it's heartbreaking to read. Here's a man who wants to change his life so badly that he is willing to risk his life.
A man that struggles between his old life and a new one.
The movie was nothing like I expected. I expected the book. Well, I got some of it. But I expected more.
Ben Affleck can make movies. He did an okay job with another one of my favorite books Gone baby Gone. <\/em>Even though I think the casting of Angie was way, way off...
But this movie, The Town...<\/em>Well, I kind of wanted more heartbreak and pain. The ending of the book was nothing life the ending of the movie which I think was not really bad but safe. The ending is perfect and real. It's painful and sad. This ending was like Ben Affleck was too scared to go there. It was more Hollywood which pissed me off. But mostly I would love to have this part in the movie:

"In your garden." He spoke in hoarse bursts. "That last time. I wanted you....to tell me not to do it. I wanted you...to stop me."
She shook her head in horror.
"I wanted you...to give me a reason..."
"But nothing I could have said..."
She still didn't get him. "I would have done....anything for you. Even save myself."
<\/em><\/div>
But sadly nothing like that is in the movie. And oh, don't get me started on the casting of Blake Lively as Krista. Why?! The woman can't act to save her life. It's just sad to see her. Maybe that's the point...;)

Another thing..If you haven't seen Downton Abbey <\/em>yet..Well, then you just have to. Such an awesome show. I love the character of Mr.Bates. I read somewhere that he was compared to characters like Mr Darcy and Mr Thornton in North & South. I think they are right in a way. At least he is a character you want. I loved the scene in the first episode where he is kind of begging to let him stay. Excellent acting when you can see the pain in his face. 
But I also fell in love with Mary and Matthew.
I'm glad to see that they are making a series two.
It's just need to be soon.

 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88841.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88785.html","pubDate":"Wed, 24 Nov 2010 17:58:56 GMT","title":"I won't always love what I'll never have. I won't always live in my regrets....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88785.html","description":"I know, I know. I haven't updated in a while but well, time..Lets just say that I wish there were more hours in a day or that I didn't need to sleep.
That would be good. But then again, I love to sleep..;)
Work has been killing me lately. Maybe it's cause it's so dark these days and I get so tired. Or it's just gone to a certain when my body can't take the work load. Even I can break.
But my boss refuse to listen when we complain that it's too much. His reply is 'it's this or you should start looking for another job'.

- I'm still working on getting my driver's license . It's a struggle to juggle both work and then study. But I refuse to give up. I will make it, eventually.

- It's been snowing here for three days straight. I'm getting so tired of snow..Well, snowing at least.
But they are saying that this weekend we'll get around -15C here. That's cold...Not fun..But I get in the christmas spirit kind of when it's that cold.
It's a month left until then but I will start my Christmas shopping soon. Fun...

- Have anyone read "Never let me go" by Kazuo Ishiguro? I can't get through that book. It's not that it's bad. It's just..Well, not much happens. I want words that move me. Beautiful writting and characters that you feel for. But this book lacks both. I keep waiting for a big secret, or a big twist. ...Maybe at the end. I loved his book "The remains of the day". That was awesome..But I'm ready to give up on "Never let me go".

- On the plus side..Read...The Death and Life Charlie St. Cloud<\/em>.. It has the most beautiful description of death\/dying\/after life that I have ever read.

- Has anyone seen Inception? I just saw it last week. But it didn't blow me away as I expected. I did hmm..download it..Maybe it's better at the big screen. And the end....hmmm...I don't know..I'm waiting for the release of The Town..I need to see that movie.

- I LOVE LOVE The Walking <\/em>Dead. <\/em> I'm a fan of movies like Day of the dead. So I love that show. I read that season one is coming to an end soon. Like one or two episodes left and then we have to wait until August or something next year. WHAT A FUCK!
Episode two ( I think )...That opening scene with that guy they left on the roof freaked me out so much.....

- Vampire diaries....Damon's confession to Elena..Well, I cried..
Can't wait until next Fringe! I love to see when Peter finds out the truth...
House bores me....
Raising Hope is funny....

- After seeing the trailer for the new Jane Eyre...Well, I have a small crush on Michael Fassbender.
*sigh*..The man is pretty...

I'm off to check out Downton Abbey...Hope it's as good as I think...
 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88785.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88544.html","pubDate":"Mon, 25 Oct 2010 15:54:02 GMT","title":"\"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.\" ","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88544.html","description":"
I do not believe in God. I do not believe in a higher thing. But today I began to doubt that. Because, maybe there is something up there....
On Friday it was the anniversary of my dad's death. Three days later another life came into this world...
My dad died and into my life a new life has entered.
Today my niece was born! <\/strong>
I'm so happy now that it feels like I can fly....;)

And in the words of Kurt Vonnegut:

"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind."

<\/em><\/strong><\/div>
 <\/div>
 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88544.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88302.html","pubDate":"Sat, 23 Oct 2010 16:42:17 GMT","title":" \"Don\u2019t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.\" ","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88302.html","description":"
Time moves so fast. Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death. A year had passed since that night when I entered that room and saw my father for the last time. I went home yesterday and me and my mum put flowers on his grave and lit candles. I talked to him as I do sometimes. I told him that I missed him. There is so much I want to tell him. That feeling will never go away.
Sometimes I wonder if he was scared knowing that he hadn't much time left. Sometimes I think about the fact that he never really got to see his dreams come through. We talked about that a couple of months before he died. He had just seen "The Bucket list" for the first time and he wanted to see more of the world before he died. He talked about wanting to see the sea and the farm where he grew up. He had a dream when he was young that he wanted to learn how to fly. He loved planes. I wanted to give him flying lessons or something like that when it came time for him to retire. The cancer robbed him of all of that.
My dad worked all of the time. He almost never sick until he was diagnosed with cancer. He waited to do so many things until it was too late.
I will get this meaning tattoo:d on the inside of my wrist memento vivere<\/em>. It's latin and means remember that you have to live. <\/strong>And that's one thing that losing my dad has thought me; to never ever put of things, to never wait for another day. Just to fight as hard as possible to make your dreams come through.

"We do not need to grieve for the dead. Why should we grieve for them? They are now in a place where there is no more shadow, darkness, loneliness, isolation, or pain. They are home."<\/em><\/strong>  ( John O'Donohue )

My dad ( about five months before he died )
\"\"

My dad...I love you...

"He died that day because his body had served its purpose. His soul had done what it came to do, learned what it came to learn, and then was free to leave."  <\/em><\/strong>( Garth Stein )

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."
<\/strong><\/em><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/88302.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87940.html","pubDate":"Wed, 06 Oct 2010 15:30:01 GMT","title":"Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people...........","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87940.html","description":"

I can't take all this sadness. I started "The Painted Veil"<\/em><\/strong> by  W. Somerset Maugham last night and I couldn't stop crying. I have seen the movie but it kind of went by just like that ( mostly I think because of Ed Norton's accent..) but the book is so fucking sad that my eyes was all red and puffy today when I had to work..;)
This part had me bawling my eyes out:

"Most people, as far as I can see, when they're in love with some one and the love isn't returned feel that they have a grievance. They grow angry and bitter. I wasn't like that. I never expected you to love me, I didn't see any reason that you should, I never thought myself very lovable. I was thankful to be allowed to love you and I was enraptured when now and then I thought you were pleased with me or when I noticed in your eyes a gleam of goodhumoured affection. I tried not to bore you with my love; I knew I couldn't afford to do that and I was always on the lookout for the first sign that you were impatient with my affection. What most husbands expect as a right I was prepared to receive as a favour."
<\/em>
This book is one of those books that makes me want more hours in a day just so I have time to finish it.
And I had this book in my head all day...

Another book that I highly, highly recommend is Prince of thieves<\/strong><\/em> by Chuck Hogan. I kind of picked it up because of the movie coming out and I saw the trailer for it. But the book blew me away. The ending was so fucking good that it went up on my all top ten list of best ending ever red.
I'm so glad that the movie has gotten such awesome reviews. But I heard that the movies ending is not as it is in the book. That's kind of sucks. But then again, it's Hollywood.
I have to wait almost two months until it's out here...;( I have a small crush on mr Affleck now...He is not the greatest actor but the he can make awesome, awesome movies as a director..

 <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87940.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87730.html","pubDate":"Sat, 18 Sep 2010 21:01:42 GMT","title":"Fanfic: How a resurrection really feels ( 1\/?)","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87730.html","description":"

I finally wrote a fanfic. It's my first try at a The Vampire diaries <\/em>one. Well, it's not yet beta read so it might change. I'm thinking of doing some more chapters..But we'll see...
 <\/div>
 <\/div>

Title: How a Resurrection Really Feels <\/strong><\/em>( 1\/? )<\/span>
Author: Jessica
Pairing: Damon\/Elena
Genre: Angst, POV
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 2x01 The Return
Feedback: YES please j_rothen@yahoo.se
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary:  <\/span>”<\/i>In one single act of defiance you tried to prove to her that she felt something for you.<\/span>”<\/i> What if Damon never actually ”killed” Jeremy?  <\/span>Damon’s POV on his relationship with Elena.
AUTHORS NOTE: First try at a Vampire diaries fic. English is not my first language so spelling\/ grammar mistakes may occur.<\/p>

 <\/span><\/p>

------------------------------------------<\/span><\/p>

"You don't know what my heart can do<\/i><\/span><\/p>

You never did let me show you<\/span><\/i><\/p>

If you're not interested in that part<\/span><\/i><\/p>

Give my heart in return"<\/span><\/i><\/p>

--------------------------------<\/span><\/p>

Damon<\/span>’<\/i><\/b>s POV<\/span><\/i><\/b><\/p>

-----------------------------<\/span><\/p>

You were not a good person. <\/span><\/p>

The truth was that you had forgotten what being a person really felt like. <\/span><\/p>

But as you stood there on that porch with the sun warming your face all you could feel was pain. <\/span><\/p>

It wrapped around the remaining pieces of that thing they called a heart and squeezed so hard that <\/span><\/p>

you had to take a sip from the whisky to numb it. <\/span><\/p>

You had seen pity in her eyes as she talked about the fact that she would never kiss you back. <\/span><\/p>

Her words cut you more than you cared to admit. <\/span><\/p>

But the truth kept screaming in your ears. <\/span><\/p>

She had become your centre. <\/span><\/p>

The one thing in your world that remained pure and true. <\/span><\/p>

She had entered your life in a time when darkness was something so natural to you as air was to humans. <\/span><\/p>

You had walked on this earth for more than a century by then. <\/span><\/p>

You had lived your life so determined to destroy the world around you. <\/span><\/p>

They had taken away the one person in your life you had given yourself totally to. <\/span><\/p>

You wanted the world to feel pain.<\/span><\/p>

You wanted the world to burn. <\/span><\/p>

Anger burned hot inside of you. <\/span><\/p>

It ran like poison in your veins. <\/span><\/p>

She came into your life and brought light into it. <\/span><\/p>

You fought it with everything you could. <\/span><\/p>

You knew your place in the world after all. <\/span><\/p>

You were a monster. <\/span><\/p>

Something people feared. <\/span><\/p>

You didn't belong anywhere near her. <\/span><\/p>

You knew that all to well. <\/span><\/p>

It screamed in your ears every time you were near her. <\/span><\/p>

You tainted her world just by being in it. <\/span><\/p>

You knew that you should stay as far away as possible from her. <\/span><\/p>

She belonged with Stefan after all. <\/span><\/p>

He was everything you wasn't. <\/span><\/p>

But something made you stay. <\/span><\/p>

You told yourself that you wanted to crush the little town and the families that had brought your world <\/span><\/p>

to a stand still. <\/span><\/p>

It was a question of revenge. <\/span><\/p>

Maybe it had started out that way.<\/span><\/p>

But as time moved its gentle hand something inside of you changed. <\/span><\/p>

You could feel it happening. <\/span><\/p>

You hated yourself then. <\/span><\/p>

So you tried your best to remove that part of you that felt anything else than anger and hate <\/span><\/p>

that had fueled you for so many years. <\/span><\/p>

But you were a weak person. <\/span><\/p>

You knew this all to well. <\/span><\/p>

Katherine had seen this all those years ago when she made you into the thing you now were. <\/span><\/p>

How pathetic you were. <\/span><\/p>

You, that had walked on this earth for so many years, reaping havoc wherever you went, was<\/span><\/p>

suddenly falling in love. <\/span><\/p>

But you chose to ignore it. <\/span><\/p>

As you had chosen to ignore so many things in your life. <\/span><\/p>

There was times that you wanted to reach inside of you and remove that thing inside of you that wanted Elena. <\/span><\/p>

You tried to tell yourself that it was all a game. <\/span><\/p>

A game to cause Stefan as much as pain as possible. <\/span><\/p>

It was all a quest to get back to the one person that you had wanted for so long.<\/span><\/p>

But the truth kept ringing in your ears. <\/span><\/p>

Somewhere a long the way it had stopped being about revenge or Katherine and it had all become about Elena.<\/span><\/p>

 <\/span><\/p>

It was your weakness that brought you to her door that night. <\/span><\/p>

If you had been a stronger person you had turned away and walked the other way. <\/span><\/p>

But you were not a strong person. <\/span><\/p>

You were not even a person.<\/span><\/p>

You were a monster. <\/span><\/p>

A few acts of kindness could not remove all the years of bloodshed that you had caused. <\/span><\/p>

You didn't deserve to touch her. <\/span><\/p>

You knew this. <\/span><\/p>

But still something inside of you wanted to feel her touch just once. <\/span><\/p>

You didn't care about your history. <\/span><\/p>

You didn't care that she belonged to Stefan. <\/span><\/p>

All you wanted was to feel her.<\/span><\/p>

You wanted something real for once. <\/span><\/p>

You were so tired of lies and half truths. <\/span><\/p>

So you went to her to try to make her feel something for you other than the pity you had seen in her eyes when you spoke about the kiss you had thought you had shared with her. <\/span><\/p>

It was a desperate move. <\/span><\/p>

You knew this. <\/span><\/p>

But your soul craved peace and the remaining pieces of your already shattered heart needed her to tell the truth for once. <\/span><\/p>

You wanted her to tell you that you were not alone. <\/span><\/p>

You wanted her to sooth away the pain in your heart by telling you that you belonged with her. <\/span><\/p>

What a pitiable creature you were. <\/span><\/p>

You couldn't even evoke a slightest emotion in her other than compassion.<\/span><\/p>

She saw you as this broken man that was beyond repair.<\/span><\/p>

She had given her heart away already.<\/span><\/p>

You would never deserve her. <\/span><\/p>

In one single act of defiance you tried to prove to her that she felt something for you. <\/span><\/p>

You wanted to drown in her. <\/span><\/p>

You saw fear in her eyes in that moment. <\/span><\/p>

And you hated yourself. <\/span><\/p>

Her voice was hoarse as she spoke:<\/span><\/p>

"I want you to leave now."<\/span><\/p>

Her eyes were dark as they met yours. <\/span><\/p>

You searched her eyes for something to latch on to. <\/span><\/p>

But you found nothing. <\/span><\/p>

You didn't belong in her life. <\/span><\/p>

You would never be anything other than a outsider and a monster. <\/span><\/p>

At least then you were someone. <\/span><\/p>

Anger burned in your veins as you stood there with the warmth of her touch still burning your skin and her rejection still ringing in your ears. <\/span><\/p>

You hated her then. <\/span><\/p>

You hated her for making you love her. <\/span><\/p>

But most of all you felt disgusted with yourself for giving the remaining piece of your heart away so easily to those who didn't give theirs in return. <\/span><\/p>

It would never happen again. <\/span><\/p>

You moved towards the door. <\/span><\/p>

She stood where you had left her. <\/span><\/p>

You stopped in the doorway and looked back at her. <\/span><\/p>

She couldn't even look at you.<\/span><\/p>

"Goodbye, Elena."<\/span><\/p>

Then you walked away.<\/span><\/p>

You would remove all the traces of the man that stood in her bedroom wanting her, needing her. <\/span><\/p>

You would never let yourself be so weak again.<\/span><\/p>

 <\/span><\/p>

--------------------------------------------------------------------<\/span><\/p>

 <\/span><\/p><\/a>

 <\/p>

 <\/span><\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87730.html?view=comments#comments","category":"fanfiction"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87481.html","pubDate":"Sat, 07 Aug 2010 17:27:48 GMT","title":"Forecast for tomorrow; A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom. .............","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87481.html","description":"

I'm enjoying some long over due vacation time..Well, it felt like that at least when it was 35 C outside and I had to work. It felt like I would never get my time. But finally. I'm on my first week ( out of two ). Well, it's not much but at least it's something.
The weather isn't that great but I don't mind. At least it's not raining. Not yet..;)
I'm still doing driving lessons to try to get my license. I will take the written exam next month and then the driving exam thingy. That part freaks me out 'cause you have the examiner right there beside you just judging you. 
But I'm trying not to think about that...I will surely freak out as it gets closer to that date.

* I'm working my way through season 3 of Mad Men. <\/em>And that show blows me away. It's so freaking sad in a way because all characters are so broken. But the story itself is so real and so well written. I just watched the episode where Don finally admits the truth about himself to Betty and the acting was perfect and I cried a little...As always....

* Is it me or don't you think Eric is the most interested character in True Blood? <\/em>Well, Franklin is hilarious. And he better not be dead.
But why have they written Sookie as so f-cking annoying! I wanted to slap her more than once. 

* Rookie Blue...<\/em>I have a small, small crush on Ben Bass ( Sam ). What can I say...The eyes..He looks like a puppy with those eyes....

* Have anyone read The Pillars of the earth<\/em>? I'm loving the show so I bought the book. I hope it's as good.
Isn't Eddie Redmayne just gorgous?..*sigh*..The man played Angel Clare in the new version of one of my favorite books Tess of the D'Urbervilles<\/em> and he's in The yellow handkerchief <\/em>( opposite ice -queen- can't-act Kristen Stewart ;( ) So the man is just perfect.

* I just finished watching the two first episodes of Sherlock <\/em>and I just loved it...
Best lines from the show:
Holmes<\/strong>: Shut up!
Lestrade:<\/strong> I didn't say anything.
Holmes:<\/strong> You were thinking. It's annoying.

and the epic:
Shut up, Anderson. Every time you open your mouth you lower the IQ of the whole street.
<\/strong>
 <\/div><\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87481.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87179.html","pubDate":"Mon, 14 Jun 2010 18:33:29 GMT","title":"But life is so merciless to the man who has killed a child that everything afterward is too late...","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87179.html","description":"
I saw Alexander Skarsgard's <\/em><\/strong>To Kill a child <\/em>today. It was shown in my drivers ed class today. I sat there afterwards, trying not cry, because the thing was so beautiful and so sad. The man has a real talented and not just a pretty face...
Here's the movie:
 <\/div>
It is in swedish but you can find the lines here<\/a>. It's in english. The movie is narrated by his father Stellan.
The movie is based on Stig Dagerman's To Kill a child. <\/em>I have to find some stuff by this guy. Because oh, so beautiful. The ending is so sad and so heartbreaking:

 <\/p>

Afterward, everything is too late. Afterward, there is a blue car stopped sideways in the road, and a screaming woman takes her hand from her mouth, and it’s dark with blood. Afterward, a man opens a car door and tries to stand on his legs, even though he has a pit of horror within him. Afterward, a few sugar cubes are strewn meaninglessly about in the blood and gravel, and a child lies motionless on its stomach, its face pressed heavily against the road. Afterward, two pale people, who have not yet had their coffee, come running through a gate to see a sight in the road they will never forget. Because it’s not true that time heals all wounds. Time does not heal the wounds of a killed child, and it heals very poorly the pain of a mother who forgot to buy sugar and who sent her child across the road to borrow some. And it heals just as poorly the anguish of a once-cheerful man who has killed a child.<\/em><\/p>

Because the man who has killed a child does not go to the sea. The man who has killed a child drives home slowly, in silence. And beside him sits a mute woman with a bandaged hand. And as they drive back through the villages, they do not see even one friendly face—all shadows, everywhere, are very dark. And when they part, it is in the deepest silence. And the man who has killed a child knows that this silence is his enemy, and that he will need years of his life to conquer it by crying out that it wasn’t his fault. But he also knows that this is a lie. And in the fitful dreams of his nights he will try instead to gain back just a single minute of his life, to somehow make that single minute different.<\/em><\/p>

But life is so merciles<\/span>s to the man who has killed a child that everything afterward is too late.<\/em><\/p><\/a>\ufeff

 <\/p>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/87179.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86804.html","pubDate":"Mon, 24 May 2010 18:06:44 GMT","title":"Which would be worse, to live as a monster or to die as a good man?","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86804.html","description":"

I have finally seen one of my favorite books turned into a movie: Shutter Island.<\/strong><\/em>
The book blew me away when I read it. The ending was so fucking brilliant that I was like WTF! ;)
The book is written by Dennis Lehane. The man is on my list as favorite authors. I have read almost all of his books and not one of them is bad.
Shutter Island is his best work but also Mystic River. The man has such a way with words...*sigh* So beautiful...

Mystic River:

 <\/div>
And Shutter Island:

 <\/div><\/div>

The ending of all movies are so fucking brilliant. I wish I could come up with something like that.

Best ending ever belongs to Shutter Island with this dialogue:

Chuck Aule<\/a><\/b>: How we doing this morning?
Teddy Daniels<\/a><\/b>: Good, and you?
Chuck Aule<\/a><\/b>: Can't complain.
Teddy Daniels<\/a><\/b>: So what's our next move?
Chuck Aule<\/a><\/b>: You tell me.
Teddy Daniels<\/a><\/b>: I gotta get off this rock, Chuck. Get back to the mainland. Whatever the hell's going on here, it's bad. Don't worry partner, they're not gonna catch us.
Chuck Aule<\/a><\/b>: That's right, we're too smart for em.
Teddy Daniels<\/a><\/b>: Yeah, we are, aren't we. You know, this place makes me wonder.
Chuck Aule<\/a><\/b>: Yeah, what's that, boss?
Teddy Daniels<\/a><\/b>: Which would be worse, to live as a monster or to die as a good man?
Chuck Aule<\/a><\/b>: Teddy. <\/a>\ufeff<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86804.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86644.html","pubDate":"Sun, 02 May 2010 16:26:41 GMT","title":"I just want something beautiful to touch me.........","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86644.html","description":"
I know, I haven't updated in a while...But well lets just say that the day has less hours than I would have wanted.

It's been almost a month since I returned home from visiting my sister in USA. It feels good to be home, I'll say that.
I haven't been to many places around the world ( Ireland, England, Greece and the nordic countries ) but your own country is always the best. But then again, maybe I will say this I prefer the slower pace of the above countries rather than USA. Don't get me wrong, I loved the fact that you can shop almost anything in the states and especially D.C had some amazing buildings and sights. But I missed the warmth of countries like England and Ireland or my own country. I can't really explain it. Maybe, I have grown out of the need for big cities, I don't know. But New York wasn't such a great place that I thought it was. Maybe it was the fact that it was really cold and it rained. Or maybe was the fact that it was so fucking crowded.
I did loved the lights of Time Square and the big Toy 'r' us store there. Or Central Park. And Rockerfeller Center.
I don't regret going there. It was an experience I will never forget. I'm just saying big cities like that, is not my thing.
I loved Washington D.C. Beautiful, beautiful city. My favorite place was:
( View from the Lincoln monument )<\/div>
\"\"

Meeting the family my sister lives with was also fun. The two boys she takes care of was so cute.
I did a lot of shopping. I bought an IPOD and lots of cd:s, clothes and dvd:s. I found this amazing record store in New York were I could spend hours and hours in but my family wouldn't let me..:(

Random stuff:
* I'm learning to drive..It's so fun..And I'm getting better..
* I LOVED the season ending of Life <\/em>unexpected. <\/em>I enjoyed that they didn't write either Baz or Ryan as "the bad guy". And the ending was perfect, realistic. The song in the end...One of my favorite songs when I'm down...The Weepies "Can't go back now "...Awesome..
Fuck if they cancel it in favor of OTH..Who watches that show anymore anyways??

* I have become addicted to....Glee...;) I said I wouldn't..I swore I would ignore it..But I kind of...started to watch an episode and then I saw the clip of them doing Journey's "Don't stop believing" on Oprah and got addicted. I now have...wait for it...Both the dvd and the soundtrack...
So sometimes I put on that song on my cd-player and dance around..;)

* I hate that they killed Renee on 24<\/em>! What the fuck..and just when she got together with Jack...I should have known that would happen!

* Sqqquueeeee for Grayson and Jules finally getting together on Cougar town and the Bones\/Booth confession thingy on Bones...

* Season 2 of Southland had one of the best scene I have ever seen on TV. The scene where Sammy found out that it was the little kid he had mentored that had killed another kid was so sad. That was fucking amazing..I cried so hard...Watch that show!!!

* House bores me...*sigh*....It lacks the angst it used to have..

* Can't wait for the season final of Castle....

* I'm off to watch the last hour of The Road...AWESOME MOVIE AND BOOK!!!<\/em>

My level of addiction to Glee has led me to doing a header...;)

\"\"<\/a>\ufeff

 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86644.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86328.html","pubDate":"Sun, 07 Mar 2010 18:45:01 GMT","title":"Forgive me the chances I've wasted before. But I pray for the courage not to miss them anymore ...","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86328.html","description":"
I have had the most amazing couple of days. On Thursday I got the best news in a long long while.
My big sister, who is two years older than me, who I love dearly is pregnant with her first child.<\/em><\/strong>
I'm going to be an aunt!!! 
I couldn't believe it. My mum went totally crazy. My sister called and told her while she was at work and she just screamed when she got the news then she cried. Then she went nuts and had to tell everyone.
I went a little nuts as well. I couldn't stop smiling. Still can't.
She is just six weeks along but still. She doesn't want to jinx it by telling people too soon.
I'm going to be an aunt...Oh God, how I will love this child...

* I have another driving lesson tomorrow with this ASSHOLE as a teacher. :( That sucks..He always makes me feel like I'm some kind of idiot.
I'll bet I will make some kind of mistake so he can put me down once again...
I'll tell the school that I want another teacher..But I have done that before but still I got this guy once again...*sigh*...

* I saw New Moon today..It has to be one of the silliest movies I have ever seen....And Rob what's-his-face Patterson is supposed to be sexy? How? WHAT? And Kristen something is supposed to be a good actress? She is so cold...And she is playing the human....

* ONLY TWO WEEKS UNTIL I'M GOING TO US. Washington D.C and New York..YEAH!



 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86328.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86149.html","pubDate":"Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:18:09 GMT","title":"But our hearts they are open, and the healing\u2019s begun....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86149.html","description":"
I know that I haven't updated in a while but I have been busy. I'm taking driving lessons once or twice each week now and then I have work to think of and then I try to hit the gym at least once a week. 
But I'm enjoying myself. 

* And it's soon almost a month left until I leave for the US..WEEEEE...Can't wait. I'm going to visit my sister together with my mum and my big sister. We'll stay for ten days. I applied for a tourist visa thing online this weekend and you have to answer a bunch of questions like have you ever been arrested, are you using drugs but the funniest one was have you ever been apart of the nazi party during the 1930's or 40's. I thought the last one was hilarious. So weird...
I'm so buying a bunch of cd's and dvd's when I go over there. I have to make a list so I'm not forgetting anyone.

* I'm reading two books at the moment Boy A <\/em><\/strong>by Jonathan Trigell and Push <\/strong><\/em>by Sapphire. Both books are so good and heartbreaking. But I just love the writing in the first book is so beautiful. The story itself is heartbreaking but the writing itself makes you cry. Read it!

* Favorite tv-show right now is Life unexpected.<\/strong><\/em> So awesome and the stupid people decide to cancel it well...Then...Agg..Not thinking about it...The show has awesome music and thank god for Spotify <\/strong>so I can find them and play them over and over on my computer..I hate that they haven't launched Spotify in other countries to so I could share some music with you people...




 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/86149.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85814.html","pubDate":"Sat, 30 Jan 2010 19:27:26 GMT","title":"Sometimes when I ain't seen you and then I see you....I find it hard to breathe....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85814.html","description":"

Okay, seriously I can't breathe after crying so much. I have just finished watching one of the best movies I have seen and I have seen a lot. 
If you haven't seen Boy A<\/em><\/strong><\/a> then you have missed something truely amazing.
Summary: A young man is released from prison after many years and given a new identity in a new town. Aided by a supervisor who becomes like a father to him he finds a job and friends and hesitantly starts a relationship with a compassionate girl. But the secret of the heinous crime he committed as a boy weighs down on him, and he learns that it is not so easy to escape your past

<\/em><\/div>
After watching the movie I just had to order the book....Now it needs to get here..Like tomorrow..;)
","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85814.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85733.html","pubDate":"Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:58:18 GMT","title":"But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85733.html","description":"
I feel so much stronger these days. A, well..today at least. But in general I do feel stronger. I feel like I can face anything and come out standing at the end. It's a nice feeling. I do not back away now. I will do what ever I can to set things right in my life.
I have been busy taking driving lessons and going to the gym twice a week. And then of course work...;)
At work I feel like the fact that I'm surrounded by sick and scared people makes me a bit stronger. Yes, I know it sounds weird but  I feel like I can brighten their day at least a little. I can make them smile sometimes and listen when they need to talk. I matter. So I need that.
So I don't mind going to work when I know that I meet so many different kind of people and I can make them feel a little bit better and sometimes just by talking about the weather.
Even, my mum is doing better. I can see a light in her eyes that wasn't there before. Of course we all have days when we miss my dad.
But I think both she and I are doing so much better just by setting goals for the future.

A friend of my has cancer. He got the diagnosis a couple of weeks ago. They have removed his entire colon but now he has to suffer through chemo. I met him today and he looked a little bit scared when he talked about chemo.
But his prognosis is very good. But it's still scary that people around me is still getting cancer...

My aunt's husband has passed away. He passed away about a month after my dad died. We was never closed. My aunt passed away about ten years ago and after she died we hardly ever spend time with her husband. They hadn't any children. But now after he has died me and my sister will inherit money from him. It's so weird. I didn't like this man.  But I didn't wish him dead.
The thing is he died alone. They found him on the floor in his living room. It was probably his heart.
No one deserves to die alone.
And now me and my sisters will inherit money from him.
So weird.


 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85733.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85260.html","pubDate":"Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:39:44 GMT","title":"Everyone I know goes away in the end.............","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85260.html","description":"
So a new year has finally come. The holidays passed without any big incidents. I survived them. That's all.
Christmas was nothing like it used to. My dad left a big hole when he left us. There was an empty seat by the table.
But then again the undertaker who helped us burry my dad said something that is so true; there is only a brief moment when your a child when all the people you love is there around you but as you get older they leave you one by one. It's a part of life.
I learned something in all of this; to never ever wait to do anything. My dad did that. He always talked about doing so much after he retired.
He never got the chance.
So I will not do that.
So I made one promise to myself as 2009 became 2010; to stop caring so much about what other people think. And just do whatever I feel like doing, what feels right for me. And stop talking about what I want to do and just do it.

During this year I will:
- Join a gym ( have already done that...)
- Learn how to drive and get my licence.
- Got to the US to visit my sister.<\/em>


Some random stuff:
- Of all the books I finished reading during the passed year two books stood out;
The Road <\/strong> by Cormac Mccarthy<\/em> and The Memory Keeper's daughter <\/em><\/strong>by Kim Edwards. <\/em>Both books made me cry in different ways.
The first one because of the dark and horrible look at the future and the second because of the sorrow you feel for all the characters in the book. Read them if you get the chance.
- Favorite tv-shows of the passed year. Well, of the new once...I have to say...Cougar Town <\/strong><\/em>and Community.<\/strong><\/em> The rest I do not care for that much. Looking forward to 24 to start again...I need my Jack Bauer fix and he needs to get together with Reené. I couldn't get into Vampire diary or Glee. Vampire diary...Well, I found all the character...well too beautiful LOL...And not broken enough for me...And Glee..all the singing...I wanted to slap somebody...
- I found the films of the last year to not be the greatest. Well, there wasn't that many that stayed with me, that's all I'm saying.
But maybe just two...The Weather Girl <\/strong><\/em> click for trailer<\/a> and Wuthering Heights <\/strong><\/em>click for trailer<\/a>. The first one I loved because of the girl in me and the love story and the second ripped out my heart.
- I finally got my invite to Voddler<\/strong><\/a>. It's an excellent program and I just hope they will add more movies soon. Now I have both Spotify ( for music ) and Voddler ( for movies ) so I'm all set for a rainy day...;)




 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85260.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85177.html","pubDate":"Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:50:25 GMT","title":"And now the floodgates cannot hold all my sorrow all my rage..........","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85177.html","description":"I thought things would get easier with time. And it does. But maybe I was expecting miracles. Maybe I was expecting that it wouldn't be so hard.
I was fine when I was home. I got busy doing stuff and if felt like he was just a phone call away. But about two weeks ago I started working again. The first day was one of the toughest days I have ever experienced. Maybe I was naive in thinking that I would be fine with returning to work. But everything that day reminded me of my dad. I work in the same building as he died and I have to walk passed the ward where he died every day. That day I felt exactly like the day after he died. I felt so lost and all I wanted to do was cry.
But mostly what I hate most during this time since I returned to work is peoples reaction about my dad passing away.
Some people are really nice and they ask about how I'm doing and stuff. But some people they say such stupid things.
A woman at work actually said "Isn't it a good thing that he died. The doctors couldn't cure him anyways..."<\/em>
I wanted to slap her. I wanted to scream in her face: THAT'S MY DAD YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Sometimes I just want to move far away from people.....

* I hate Christmas. I don't want it anymore. It's not the same without my dad.

* I have this saved text message on my phone from my dad which he send to me a month or so before he passed...I look at it before I go to bed and I miss him more.

* I watched an episode of Buffy. The one where she died and was brought back by the rest of the gang. This quote about heaven fits so well about where I think my dad is and what's it like:
I was happy. Wherever I was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean anything, nothing had form... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm, and I was loved, and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions, or ... any of it, really, but I think I was in heaven.
<\/font><\/font><\/font><\/em>
* Today is a bad day...I miss him so much.<\/font><\/font><\/font>

Maybe tomorrow will be a good day.....


<\/div>
<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/85177.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84786.html","pubDate":"Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:49:23 GMT","title":"I will remember you.....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84786.html","description":"
Yesterday we laid my dad to rest. It had snowed all day and as we went to the church for the ceremony it had stopped snowing.
It was a beautiful ceremony and if he was here with us he would make a comment about all these flowers for him and he would surely make a comment that we had spend too much money on him. I managed pretty well through the ceremony in church but at the end a friend of the family played Amazing Grace on flute and then the men came to carry his coffin out of the church I couldn't keep it locked inside so I cried so much. The snow had started to fall again as we followed my dad to his final resting place. I had to hold my mum up as we stood there by his grave preparing to say goodbye. I whispered Goodbye, dad, I love you as I laid a rose on his coffin.
Afterward it felt like a stone was lifted.
I know in my heart that he is with us all. I can feel his presence everywhere, hear his voice and feel his hand in mine.
He is smiling down on us now and one day I will see him again.<\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84786.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84294.html","pubDate":"Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:47:21 GMT","title":"Turning into dust,,,,,,","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84294.html","description":"
He is fading away. He is slipping away from us all slowly.
He can no longer stand up on his own and he is starting to hallucinate again. His body is breaking down, bit by bit.
It looks like he has not much time left on this earth.
I actually dared to think that he would make it to Christmas but right now it feels like years until then and he is not getting better just worse.
He still remember us and that's good. But he has trouble telling night from day and where he is.
I hate that in all of this I need to get up every morning and go to work. I wish that I had lots and lots of money that I could spend more time with him. But I can't.
I do have taken days off to help out. I spend Monday at home with him and my mum. It was a bad day for him.
He said; "I might have to say goodbye to you all soon 'cause I can't take much more"<\/em> .
What am I suppose to say to that? There is nothing you can say.
Today he had an appointment to get his back X-ray:d. I took half time off from work and waited with him and my mum at the doctors.
I sat there, holding his hand, stroking his cheek and tried so fucking hard not to cry.

For a couple weeks now I have felt okay almost. I had managed to block out the numbing pain in my heart. But I guess you can close your eyes for the truth for so long until it catches up to you.

Kelly, <\/em><\/a>force_oblique<\/b><\/a><\/span> , I have read all of your comments and instant messages and I'm sorry that I haven't replied. But know one thing, it warms my heart every time and I thank god for you...You have such a good heart..*hugs*
 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84294.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84011.html","pubDate":"Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:30:33 GMT","title":"I hurt myself today to see if I still feel....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84011.html","description":"

I can't take much more. I really can't. I have never felt like this before. There is so much weight on my shoulders now and it feels like I'm treading water. It feels like I'm supposed to hold everyone up; my mum, my dad, my sisters. My mum cause she can't handle anything alone it seems. She needs help with almost everything around the house and then I need to hear her out when she needs to talk.
I get this question at least once every day: How's your dad? and then they ask How's your mum? and then they ask How's your sister? I want to punch the next one who ask stuff like that. I want to scream right in their face WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!???????!!! WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE!!!? But no one ever ask about me. No one.
I talked to a woman at work yesterday. She asked about my dad and basically she said the exact as above. Then she talked about me mum and this woman said; "Your mum must have such a tough time now because she is closest to your dad after all."
Nothing has ever hurt me like that statement.
I stood there and faked a smile all the while I was screaming inside.

I'm going home this weekend as I have done now for almost a year.  My dad called me today and he yelled at me. He wants me to do so much and I can't. I just can't. I feel so torn and so broken up inside sometimes.
But of course I can't tell anyone that because no one here wants to listen to that.

I just wish sometimes that there was someone who would just ask about me and really truly wants to hear what I'm feeling and not just waiting for their turn to speak....

I'm sorry for this depressing post......

 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/84011.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83762.html","pubDate":"Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:09:11 GMT","title":"Oh please don't go. Let me have you just one more moment....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83762.html","description":"
There is no God. There is no God. If there is he or she is one cruel bastard. 
I refuse to believe in anyone who can inflict so much pain and suffering.

We got the news today; there isn't much more they can do for my dad.
It has spread to other parts of his brain now and for the first time the doctor seemed worried and little chocked when she met my dad today.
He can no longer walk without using a walker. His eyesight is effected. He can't read the paper anymore and he has problem watching tv.
He can see some things but not as before. He can't move one of his eyes hardly anything.
Yesterday morning he woke with part of his face basically paralyzed.
He has trouble distinguish what his real and what is fiction. He has very vivid dreams that are almost hallucinations. He does hallucinate sometimes.
Me and my mum has to help him to get from his bed to the bathroom.
The doctor told us today that they have found two more tumors in his brain. Two more tumors that wasn't there before.
So he has now five tumors in his brain. FIVE!
Because of this there isn't much more they can do. The only option left is radiation therapy. But they have to do treat the whole brain.
The chance for recovery is out of the picture. The only thing is to prolong life and relieve some of the symptoms. But even that is just luck basically. She gave a year again. But even that was just guess work.
Basically there isn't much more to do.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
I'm so tired...I'm so god damn tired...


 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83762.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83662.html","pubDate":"Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:20:38 GMT","title":"oh darkness I feel like letting go........","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83662.html","description":"
I'm so tired of this now. I wish I could close my eyes and just sleep for months. But I can't.
I feel like I'm slowly falling apart. Like someone is peeling away pieces of me and it hurts a little every time.
I'm tired of crying and I hate myself every time I cry.

He is getting worse. Each day is a battle. I talked to him on the phone today. His spirit was so low. He is so tired of feeling like the way he does. He can't take much more. I totally understand that. But I can't take the burden of the chemo or the cancer. I wish to God that I could but I can't. So he has to be strong. But he is not. Not anymore. When he talks about the future it's only darkness he sees. He believes that he can make it to Christmas, then his time will be up. What am I suppose to say to that? I'm trying so fucking hard to keep his spirit up, to say something, anything to make him feel at least a little thing better. But I can't. And I FUCKING HATE THAT!!! I hate that some of the things he says might actually come true. And I can't stop it. So I sit there and I try so hard to sound cheerful and strong all the while I'm fighting back tears.
Some days he talks about ending his life. I want to scream then. I want to slap him.
I don't know what to do anymore.

I had this dream last week. I dreamed that I was in the hospital and the doctors told me that I had leukemia. I remembered that I smiled when they told me. I was so happy.


 <\/div>","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83662.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83408.html","pubDate":"Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:04:45 GMT","title":"And so they say lord, for everything a reason.....","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83408.html","description":"
My big sister came home this weekend. She hasn't been home since my mum's birthday party. It felt good to see her.
She came alone this time, without her boyfriend.
I went home on Friday as I have done now for the past three weeks and I stayed until Sunday.
I try to spend more time with my dad now.
I wish I could say that things are getting better, that it's a light in the tunnel. But there is only darkness. My sister keeps saying that we don't know what will happen or when it will happen. But she hasn't been there when he was really bad and had to have a walker to be able to walk.
So I'm a pessimist. He is so tired now. He sleeps so much. He spends most of his time in bed. Or at least it seems so.
They say it's the chemo or a combination of everything. They say that like it's a good thing, like I should say okay and leave it like that. But it is painful to see the effect of the cancer has on his body and mind. The cortisone treatment he is on has reduced the muscles in his legs and arms almost to nothing. So he is looking thinner than he really is. His heart condition is causing his hands to tremble. My mum has told me that he is talking in his sleep now, something he has never done before. 
But the worst thing is his fear of dying. He talks about dying so much now. He believes that he will make it to Christmas but not longer than that. He has watched the movie The bucket list <\/strong><\/em>four times. It's about two terminally ill men that make a list of things they want to do before they die. He finds it's inspiring he says. He wants to do so much before he dies. But in the same time he can't cause of the cancer.
I try to help him as much I can. I want him to do all the things he wants now.
I take it one day at a time...

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","comments":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83408.html?view=comments#comments","category":"rambling"},{"guid":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83181.html","pubDate":"Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:27:53 GMT","title":"You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?","author":"ghost_goodthing","link":"https:\/\/ghost-goodthing.livejournal.com\/83181.html","description":"
So I finally got my wish, I have had a wonderful three weeks. The weather hasn't been the greatest but at least I got one week with just sun all the time. I got a nice looking tan. I'm not actually looking like a red pig that I normally do after spending time in the sun.
Almost all last week I spend at my parents house preparing for my mums big birthday party. She turned 60 on July 2nd but we had the party on the 4th. We had almost all our relatives and neighbours come over and we had a big party in our backyard. It rained off and on but people didn't seem to mind though. My mum got lots of present and she couldn't stop smiling. She deserved it. My dad had lots of fun and he had a great time also. He kept going almost all night.

On Wednesday my dad went to see the doctor once again. My and my mum was with him this time. The doctor told us that she had finally some good news. She could see, judging from the MRI they had taken of my dad's brain, that the tumors in his head had stopped growing a little. I felt such a relief after hearing that. It felt like a stone was lifted from my heart. She gave the clear to continue with the chemo he is getting. She said that they couldn't be sure that this is a good thing until he has finished his chemo threatment. But for now it's good news.
My dad was so happy afterwards. He whistled when he walked out from the doctor's office. And we smiled.
But still he is very sick. The loss of memory is the worst thing to see. And the anger. He can be so angry and in the next second he is happy again. He can put a thing down and just a second later he has forgotten where he put it.
But for now I'm happy. It feels like we have gotten more time. It feels so good.

I have spend my days now watching movies, reading and actually doing stuff on photoshop. I feel so relaxed and ready to go back to work on Monday. I watched Generation Kill <\/em>and found it to be just awesome. I read a review on imdb.com that found it boring. Anyone who found it boring didn't actually get it I think. My favorite characters was Alex's one cause of his awesome acting and Lt. Fick because he had so much angst in his eyes. 

- Sometimes I'm getting a new laptop! YEAH! I bought a new one with blu-ray and bigger harddrive. Can't wait...

- I'm loving True Blood<\/em> and especially Alex. He is the one thing I enjoy about that show. He keeps it interesting. I want to slap Bill cause he just pisses me off. Hoyt *sigh* ( I have small crush ).

- I'm enjoying 10 things I hate about you<\/em> so far. ;) I hope it will continue...

- This weeks episode of Weeds <\/em>was just awesome as always. I freaking love Andy. He is just so fucking cute and loyal. And his speech to Nancy at the end aw...So sweet.  I need to see a "real" kiss between the two of them and the kiss in the car last season doesn't count 'cause he was high...;)

- I actually started writing on a fic. I seem to only be able to write when I'm really really depressed....Weird...And that's over now..

And this is so cool....



Some headers I made:
Cillian Murphy:
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North & South:
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New York Waiting:

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