ok have about a third of the avatars loaded on my site....fun


I've been watching gackt concert videos while i was supposed to be emptying my computer (again)....*belts out a fangirl shriek* Gackt is so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, I'm calm now.

I'll write more later, just needed to squeal a bit...but seeing as there's only 305 meg left on my computer because i deleted an episode that i REALLY didn't want to delete....i'm gonna go compress more manga folders.

Ja!

>>>>>>
This is about three hours later...

I find it rather...not unsettling, but strange, nonetheless, to find myself in the atmosphere of my birthplace, but being so different from when I lived here.

I'm currently sitting in my cousin's room, by the open window. The aura of new england, or maybe just New Hampshire, is so unlike my home in Florida. The sound of the birds, the quiet breeze...I digress.

But I'm discovering new perspectives.

I've been online all day...like every other day. Found a story, started reading. It involves crossdressing, and androgyny. Brings up a significant point with me, ne? I've only gotten into the first chapter so far, because I got sidetracked by research. Recently, I've come to an understanding with myself in that I'm attracted to androgynous people. Definition of androgynous; displaying both male and female traits (emotionally, in action, in apparent gender). (Actually, just look at my icon if you're confused. Ask yourself, guy? girl? And wonder...) Pretty boys, of course, but this includes anyone on the border of genders. I generally like pretty...not so butch, but, anyway...

So, the research. I found several sites dealing with androgyny, and adaptations to the male/female gender grouping. I'll link them at the end. What was most interesting were the articles exploring attraction. Being attracted to feminine/masculine/androgynous people is not the same as being attracted to males/females/both, though it often coincides. One scenario detailed in an article was that in a club. The author was a gay male, and had found himself initially attracted to a masculine figure -- who he later found out was female. Sexual orientation or gender orientation?

Another blog included a chart for the different components of gender, which I'll put up with the general guidelines, then my own. Please leave a comment with your answers filled in!


* Core identity: (how you see yourself)
* Biological sex: (the �official� opinion of who you are)
* Sexual/romantic attractions: (who you gravitate towards)
* Sexual/romantic attractiveness: (who gravitates toward you)
* Gender expression: (mannerisms, clothes, affinities, interests)
* Social perception: (what conclusions people tend to make of you)


Jasper's (the person who made it up):
* Core identity Androgynous boy
* Biological sex Female (and yes I do know my karyotype, I�m a child of the 80s!)
* Sexual/romantic attractions Androgynous men, masculine gay men, feminine men, masculine women
* Sexual/romantic attractiveness Gay men, lesbian women, very young straight women
* Gender expression Androgynous pansy dandy butch
* Social perception ???????/sir/ma�am/pretty boy/butch lesbian/barely legal gay boy/?????


Ampersand's (the blog I got this from):
* Core identity Male.
* Biological sex Male
* Sexual/romantic attractions Geeky women, butch women, talkative women
* Sexual/romantic attractiveness Straight women with a history of depression, older gay men
* Gender expression Pansy male
* Social perception People who meet me but don’t know me well assume I’m gay about half the time. On the phone and online, people often assume I’m a woman. But then again, a bunch of the time people percieve me as the straight guy I am.



And mine:
* Core identity: Somewhat Androgynous Female
* Biological sex: Female
* Sexual/romantic attractions: Androgynous guys, androgynously good-looking girls, friends (ppl I trust), men that aren't heavily masculine (bulging muscles and veins -- not attractive)...hot asian guys... Generally, people with "presence", and who hold my attention -- could be anyone...
* Sexual/romantic attractiveness: regular guys (vaguely geeky :P), "butch-ish" women? (how would Cheyenne and Mara be categorized?)
* Gender expression: Female- vacillates between androgynous and femme. Not "butch", but I wear a lot of guy pants/shorts...
* Social perception: Female. Strange. Dyke (on the days I'm crossdressing). I don't think anyone thinks I'm male -- my hair reaches my butt. And I think most assume I'm as straight as a board (see reaction of my TOK class...).


Facets of Gender Identity
Barbelith Underground - Head Shop - Male androgyny and, uh... 'polarity'.
International Foundation of Androgynous Studies
What's a Boy?
genderlanguage
And the story that started all this mess... Emerald Dancer

I'm actually posting something...amazing.

I just came back from becky's house!!! sugoi! I was watching (and drooling) over her collection of costumes and music videos. She has me hooked on yet another jrock band, Psycho le Cèru. Oh my god, they are so pretty.... *drool*.

Anyway, the main event for today was the IB end of the year party. We all gathered at Kyle's house, brought food (i got so many compliments on my fudge, I'm so happy!!!!! *blush*), boxed, jumped on the trampoline, and swam (or got pushed into the pool by cathy-chan: i think she pushed in at least four or five people). It was fun. Some of the teachers attended, Ayre's daughter fell into the pool, I was designated babysitter for his other daughter while she swam (until I took a break, and didn't come back until they had to go). We played marco polo too. That was amusing. My eyes still hurt from all the chlorine.
I was wandering back and forth around eight-thirty and garrett called me over to talk with Becky. Apparently, she roleplays in several vampire: the masquerade campaigns. And she's an anime freak. And loves jrock (actually knows who Gackt is...better than I do). Oh god, I think I'm in love (just kidding here). Let's see... anyone who reads this probably already know her, but...yeah. I never really talked to her outside of school before tonight. She graduated last year, goes to Rollins (dammit, I know i'm spelling it wrong). I...damn, I'm just so hyper right now. I think I spent a good two hours at her house. I bow down to her and her godliness in the realm of conventions and such (i would love to meet all those voice actors).

*sigh* I know I'm not making much sense now, and my grammar/spelling/etc is horrid right now, but...I'm really starry-eyed right now, and you're not going to get much sense out of me. Actually, I'm inspired to go work on a costume right this minute, but i don't think my /sleeping/ family would appreciate it. Oh well.

On an entirely different note, I finally signed up for accounts at both TheSilverSnitch.net and Fanfiction.net -- go me. Well, considering I'm legal age now... And I'm putting off updating my website. I a) need to finish updating my sister's section, b) integrate my alternate personalities, and c) stop being afraid to use the nickname associated with /me/, not one of my DID symptoms. So, i'll prolly come up with a completely new site. Though, I /do/ like the host I have now, very nice...


Anyway, I'm outta here. Going to update the page, then go to bed. Maybe. No more school!!!! w00t!


(DID is disassociative identity disorder, btw.)

I was gone for two days. Candlelight thingamabobber at Epcot. Gah. My feet hurt. Three friggin performances. Meh. And it was FREEZING monday night. Seriously. As in forties, at most -- and that's stretching it. Upside--I found pocky!! and those little heart shaped gummies!! of course, in the japanese section. And i talked to one of the people in Germany, just randomly asking how they were, and apparently i spoke with enough of an accent to fool the man into thinking i could actually speak german. I stuttered a bit then, and got embarrassed, but it was...amusing while it lasted.

But now....

FANFICTION!!!!!!!! There have got to be at least twenty stories that have updated themselves while i was gone! And cathy-ren, its break now, you can read the stories i told you to....


meh


i would write more, but....nah...

Ok, well, I thought I'd post again. W00t.

My dad, in his utter obtuse-ness, gave me a new title: Reality Agents. I have no idea what i could use it for, but...hey.

Oh, and I wanted to start some form of a round robin story: maybe a one-word story, like, each person writes one word and passes it on.


Anywho, The story set up i had mentioned in the last entry has to do with the song Cherry Lips. I actually have the beginning few chapters plotted out, but... I can't remember where i left them. I shall look later.

Lyrics:

She gave you everything she had
but she was young and dumb
she just turned twentyone
she didn't care to hang around
so when the shit came down
why she was nowhere to be found
this life can turn a good girl bad
she was the sweetest thing
that you had ever seen

you're such a delicate boy
in the hysterical realm
of an emotional landslide
in physical terms

with your cherry lips and golden curls
you could make grown men gasp
when you go walking past
and in your hotpants and high heels
they could not believe
that such a body was for real
it seemed like rainbows would appear
whenever you came near
the clouds would disappear
because you look just like a girl
your baby blues would flash
and suddenly a spell was cast

you're such a delicate boy
in the hysterical realm
of an emotional landslide
in physical terms

you hold a candle in your heart
to shine the light on hidden parts
you make the whole world wanna dance
you bought yourself a second chance

go baby go go
we're right behind you
go baby go go
aww we're looking at you
go baby go go



and so on, and so forth. I didn't feel like typing anymore of it. Anyway, what i have planned out is with the chorus, line by line. The descriptions in the lyrics fit draco better than harry, but the first chappie, with "Your such a delicate boy" deals with harry completely breaking apart after killing moldywarts, and making this vortex thing that sucked everyone in the immediate vicinity into an alterante realm thing. Havent decided whether to bring voldy with or not... I wanted this to be hpss, or something...cuz even though the lyrics scream DRACO!!!!! i can bleach harry's hair from stress...you know, the wolf streak thing, except for it being his entire scalp....yeah...i mean, its feasible -- can you imagine the stress the kid's gotta be under? Maybe i'll pair with sirius, who appears in the alt. verse....Hey, that's an idea -- the vortex leads "behind the veil" which isn't death, but an AU. (the whole "veil" thing kinda sounds like the gate buffy dies from at the end of fifth season...except they had a body left. I wonder if anyone checked BEHIND the veil...like, if the thing is set up like a mirror, almost, there has to be a backside, like you can walk to the side and behind and voila! idunno, i'm being silly now)
Anyway, I'll work out the details later...much later. Time to write my ToK exam...gah

Its exam time again.

Gah.

In a few minutes, i'm going out to buy gingerbread cookies, because i'm too lazy to make them but they're addictive. And I have to bring something in for history, since our exam is over in there.

La La La

I had a couple of story ideas that i wanted to write down, but... first allow me to explain my outrage.

The reindeer in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" are mean sons-of-bitches... I even informed my TOK classs of this fact, and when people were getting blank looks from trying to remember the lyrics, I sang. Actually, I sang much better than i have in a while.... Any way, midol-lover is stressed over exams, and basically said my idea was stupid, and could we move on.

Grr.

Anyway, the first idea was a Harry Potter fic, but a reversal fic. Like, a lot of the snarry ones have Sev being a constant in harry's life with his snarkiness, that's why they end up together. Or something along those lines. This one puts Sev in the place of Rudolph.

Yeah, I know, a stretch. But not when you think about it.


Rudolph the rednosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose
and if you ever saw it
you would even say it glows
all of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names
they never let poor rudolph
join in any reindeer games
then one foggy christmas eve
santa came to say
rudolph with your nose so bright
won't you guide my sleigh tonight
then all the reindeer loved him
*thats where i broke off singing and began ranting again*
As they shouted out with glee
rudolph the red nosed reindeer
you'll go down in history

NOw that I think about it, this one could fit really well set in the Marauders Era, so...hmm...I'm thinking, possibly SSSB, or a time travel fic, or something.... Santa could be either Dumbledore or Voldemort, depending on whether it becomes a darkfic or not, but Dumbledore fits better. And you know what? I don't like darkfics, not in general. Now some of the angsty fics are pretty freakin awesome...


ANYWAY!!! the next one is song-inspired as well, but NOT A SONGFIC, in the fact that the song would be put at the beginning of the chappy/fic, not throughout. Dido's "I Want to Thank You" would be used in a peace/normalish time fic, either Harry Potter or Gundam Wing (If there is another one that fits, let me know). The basic actions of the story follow the song, so one of the characters is at a job, where they aren't entirely trusted/liked. IE aurors/ministry, the Preventors, etc. It has to be slash. I was sorting through the GW characters, and i think that 5x2, or possibly 6x2, or 6x5, or something along those lines. I don't care for troquat ones all that much...

Um yeah, I gotta go now. There's one more story set up, for Garbage's "Cherry Lips" (of course)...but i'll write on that later.