First--thank you to all the lovely people who left me comments on my last entry (or on my whiny one-line Facebook post, hurrrr). I love you so much and I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends who love me. ♥

Second, I can't think of any of you who WOULDN'T enjoy this, so if you've ever had a laugh at slash or fanfiction or fandom in general, do yourself a favor and click HERE. So. Damn. Funny.

I'm headed to Paraparaumu for flatbear's mom's party. I love you all. ♥

So I had a discussion the other day with canis_takahari about folksy sayings that a certain character (*cough*BONES*cough) might use in casual conversation. Being from the Midwest and having lived in the deep South, I've come across a fair amount, and I've always enjoyed them in fiction when I come across them as well. So I thought I'd list a bunch that I know, and invite all y'all to contribute with the folksy and/or plain ridiculous sayings you've heard, or maybe even use yourself. (Do us all a favor and include an explanation, at least for the more obscure ones.)

• Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick - I'm actually totally guilty of saying this ALL THE TIME. Especially to my coworkers. "How much did you make tonight?" "Not what I should've, only $xxx." "Well it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!" "...!?!??"
  
• Fuck me running I got this from rainjewel.
  
• Fuck me (gently) up the Jesus tree Courtesy of tasfya.
  
• Jesus fuck me Christ, Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, Christ on a graham cracker, etc. I don't know if this really counts, exactly, but the variations are endless and also, hilarious. Any variation involving Joseph n' Mary mother a Christ is pretty good too.
  
• The devil is beating his wife. Refers to when it's sunny but raining at the same time. I DON'T KNOW.
  
• [S/he has] more issues than a lifetime magazine subscription. Stolen from revid. Not exactly a folksy saying, but AWESOME NONETHELESS.
  
• Up shit creek without a paddle. My mom says this ALL THE TIME.
  
• ...Bless his/her/their heart. Reason I'm including this is its particular usage; often used by folks (particularly older) who have just said something that would otherwise probably be insulting, but tacking this phrase on at the end turns it into somehow affectionate and/or fond. To wit: "He don't have the sense God gave an ant, bless his heart."
  
• BFE Abbreviation which refers to any location which is way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere. At my high school, we always thought it meant "buttfuck Egypt" ('cause we're mature like that) but I'd be curious to see what other, uh, variations exist.
  
• Your ass is grass [and I'm the lawn mower]. I feel like I heard this a lot when I was in, um, middle school, maybe? Also, Stephen King is an endless font of ridiculous folksiness and I'm sure I've heard it there too.
  
• Hotter than Satan's [sweaty] asscrack Heh.
  
• Colder than a witch's left titty ....Hee.
  
• Good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise. jou reminded me of this one; it's usually tacked on as a kind of, um, I don't know... spiritual disclaimer? As in, "if all goes well, X event will happen as we want it to." Essentially. But more awesome.
  

Man, some of those probably shouldn't be up there at all, but I'm too amused to take them out. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTRIBUTE.

ETA: rainjewel (in addition to suggesting a few things that I'm about to add) pointed out to me that it's really NOT COOL to denigrate or mock the way anyone talks, and I totally agree. It's a common tactic of people with privilege or power to mock the way those who are less educated/privileged/etc. talk as a means to try to rob them of agency and devalue them. I am NOT aiming to do that; I simply happen to love colorful and unusual language, and thought it would be useful & interesting to compile an informal list. So feel free to make your contributions, but any comments mocking or denigrating anyone else's speech will NOT be tolerated, and I will delete them immediately and ban if necessary.

Well, I'm on my break from work, and I finished it. I have yet to go read everyone else's reactions, for the most part, but here we go. SPOILERS!!! FOR THE WHOLE DAMN BOOK. And yes I'm talking about Harry Potter. Ungh.

( Whoo fucking hoo!Collapse )