The AntiRaggi

So calm, so good. You'd leave your children with him if you went to the shops. If he stayed the night over you'd find him doing the washing up in the morning.

Whenever I hear Vincent Baker in a podcast or see him explain something in one of these videos I always get the impression that if you asked him if he wanted Brown sauce or Tomato he would purse his lips, look down and to the right for a second, nod, and say 

"That.. that's a really interesting question. Thanks. Thanks for bringing that up. You've really shown me a new side to this. I'm going to think about that."

Then a week later he releases a hyper-focused pdf-only rpg where Genghis Khan has to choose between brown or red sauce and the decision changes the future of the whole world and you play the sauce but you are also in the future betting on the outcome. It would be called Sauceoscope. The Forge would love it. Knowing the rules would get you laid at Gencon.

I really really liked Apocalypse World, which he made, and I really really like LOTFP, which it's for, so if anyone out there feels the same and you have $20.00 to spare go and fund his Wizard Tower thing here-

I want to play in that goddammn wizards tower so bad!! Even I spent 20.00 on it and I am a fucking prole with a part time job.

ITS BASED ON JACK VANCE! YOU ALL LIKE JACK VANCE DON'T YOU NERDS? Come on, some of you have real jobs and lives and stuff. You can afford this.

More More Forge Monsters

When i started the blog I printed out a list. I still can't work out what a 'Thresher Monster' is.

Bleak Zombies

Living dead who grin ecstatically till their skin splits and laugh like the Joker as they stumble after you on broken feet.

Echo Hunter Millipede

Swift, blind, deep dwelling and capable of travelling vast distances under the earth in search of its selected prey. It will track you day and night using cave systems beneath your feet. One day it selects a spot and rears up through the topsoil to deliver its paralysing bite and drag you down beneath the earth. Blasts its prey with powerful single psychedelic images. If they respond in any way then it can use their thoughts to track them. Its like psychic active sonar.

Just describe utterly impossible single images to the player and dare them not to respond. 'You see blue lions exploding from peoples mouths as they speak. What do you do?'

If they respond in any way then the visions start to occur more and more frequently as the millipede gets closer. If they consult a Sage then the Sage tells them about the millipede and tells them not to react to anything strange or impossible they see. Which should be easy for an adventurer.

Jade Monkey

These green-eyed temple-dwelling monkeys are incredibly calm and well mannered. Just having them around chills people out and makes easier to relax and concentrate. For unknown reasons they have hearts of pure Jade. For reasons even more unknown the heart of a Jade monkey is itself in the shape of a monkey.

The stone jade monkey that makes the heart of an actual living jade monkey, if worn around the neck, can guide the bearer through the afterlife and back to their body, thereby raising them from the dead. Once.

Of course anyone wearing a stone Jade monkey had to actually kill a real Jade monkey to get it. Everybody loves Jade monkeys. EVERYBODY. Even vampires and Liches and age old evil gods like them. Even Cthulhu like them. If anyone finds you with a Jade monkey pendant then you will be looked down on by the scum of the earth.

Crystal Dell Worm

It's larval form is a knot of light, like the refraction of moving water through the window. Parents plant it in a living crystal somewhere and fly away as Ultraviolet Moths. The intermediate stage, a worm, is a voracious predator that eats eyes and thoughts. Hollows out the inside and leaves your skull like old paper while you sleep. Then Ultraviolet Moths creep out of your sunken eyeholes and flit away in search of a mate.

The crystal itself is a deadly and subtle assassination weapon, particularly effective against hippies.

More Forge Monsters

Been a while since I did some of these.

Marsh Cry Mantis

Forced to a diet of elves it generates, locust-like, remarkable original symphonies of startling beauty from its leg-bows. A walking concerto. Music is so beautiful that you have to fail a wisdom test each round in order to hit it.

Pulse Giant

A network of arteries and veins moving in the form of a man, as if a giant had been flayed of all flesh leaving only the tracery of blood. Move and stills as its great heart beats. Still for one round and them moves in another. Attack it and the living blood creeps around you like tentacles and the blue veins try to gouge out your eyes and pull off your limbs. But only one each round. Arteries grasp one round, veins kill the next. Grasp and damage. On and off, on and off.

Barb Ape

An gang of Mandrills that follow you and rips the shit out of you from a distance. They will track you in the wilderness and observe you. Wis test to detect. The next time you see them they will act out in mime your latest mistake you made and make you look like a proper tit. Then they throw their shit at you. They will do this until you lose it and go after them. In which case you will be walking into a trap. They dig pits, bend branches, collect snakes, whatever seems appropriate.

Child Fly

Fat black flies with the heads of blind weeping children. Beg for you to kill them as they go after your soft tissues. In a little high-pitched fly voice, like a soft whine on the edge of your perception going 'kiiiiiillll meeeeee pleeeeease'

Frost Squid

O.K, I made a new thing for this from this plus I have had some Gins so spellcheck is working overtime.

I ignored stats that are not interesting or that you can make up for yourself.

Frost Squid

Frequency: Rare
AC: Pretty high, they can fly and are hard to see
Hit Dice : 3 probably
Treasure: None
Intelligence: non human but a bit freaky
 
Gently writhing translucent flying squid. Almost invisible in direct sunlight and at night . Therefore much more deadly in midday and midnight than in the changeable rays that bracket the day.

Named not for its temperature or appearance but for it's apparent motivation. The innocent Frost Squid is adapted for hunting in an abyssal space without light or sound and is drawn by expulsions of sadness and despair.

This means that in our world, the Frost Squid is drawn aggressively towards those who have suffered recent bereavement, the survivors of battles and disasters, parted or abandoned lovers and the generally depressed.

Which means that for most victims, things have already gone wrong, they are as low as they will get and are questioning the meaning of life itself.

Then they get attacked by a fucking flying invisible squid.

Frost Squid are sometimes kept by bastards for amusement.