Deep Carbon Observatory Trailer

You would be amazed at the work it took to make this video look like the work of a bunch of lunatics who don't know how to use a scanner and who fly into a rage at free editing software. It's a carefully constructed impression of mental instability and incompetence.

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Breakfast Island

Heeeey, I'm still unemployed and I got depression

sooo

Here's a mini module based on an off-hand comment made in a game two days ago.

Turns out cereal mascots map almost perfectly onto D&D monsters, this is built of of those, placed in one of the Isles of California. I used the Monstrous Manual dice rolls wherever I could, threw in some extra stuff, added some of Dyson's maps.

It pretty much turned into an exercise in minimalism, trying to cram as much useful info into as small a space as possible. The stuff in there is what I would need to run a game so it has some standard D&D info most of you probably wouldn't need. I used an a5 page size, big 12 point Georgia font for readability. It's meant to work good on a reader like a kindle, or an Ipad. Two page view should work best.

I'm telling myself this in an exercise in information design for Veins of The Earth, rather than just low-level aspergers and avoiding useful work. I haven't put in an index or bookmarks yet, I intend to.

The NPC name generator is now a link on the right.

If you use it, let me know how it reads and if it works ok.

Turkish Rug Adventure Design Idea

I know a5 is good for use at the table and a4 is good for images and certain kinds of information design and harder to flip through at the table.

Has anyone ever done a3 or a2 for use *as* the table, or at least laid over the table?

The adventure would be arranged in a kind of compass fashion and so that parts could a obscured and the whole thing not lost, like a naturalistic adventure

Depending on where people sat they would get an immediate access (a better view) of certain parts of it. (You might suggest that if people like playing a certain way they sit in certain place or compass point)

The thing could be a map, a literal battle map, or a number of them, to include specific densely arranged tactical challenges

It could also e an image, or a series of them, like a stained glass window and it could be a design, like a J.H. Williams page, like a mega-glyph or a Turkish rug, and so much info that no-one person could use it. you would need to have a group with everyone looking into different parts and thinking and acting together. 

The adventure would, could, be emergent from the people sitting down and the places they sit and how they react as they move through it

Data arrange in a kind of spiral, compass moving round

Sold as an artefact.

Maybe when something happens in the adventure the people playing have to move seats and re-integrate what they know and see in an interesting way?

Anyone ever done/seen this?

a city without a name

I wanted to imagine building a city for D&D.

No. Not true. I was fantasising about being asked to build a city for D&D. Someone important was saying ‘well you are a genius Patrick, Veins Of The Earth was a huge success, everyone is thinking, what are you going to do next?'

I was saying ‘well I could do the ultimate Drow sourcebook but to be honest if I did it I would want to go full out and not hold back anything and if I did that it would be mainly about slavey and way to dark and upsetting and trigger-warningy for mass production so I better not. Plus, thinking about all that dark shit for a long length of time would get me down. So instead I would like to do a signature city or place for one of the good guys. Like those 4^th edition modules, but good. Like the module as you remember it through the haze of childhood fifteen years after you actually read it. With all the crap forgotten and the good stuff embroidered by the inventions of time. Then I thought of this picture-

 And I said DWARVES. But different.

Imagine you are coming to the painful end of a long life. You can feel your body decaying around you. You have Alzheimer’s, you can feel your memories and sense of self drifting away moment by moment. You are alone. You are afraid. You are living the last moments of your life in the direct presence of annihilating despair. A void of meaning. But, let loose from all calculations, at the end of every possible hope, instead of collapsing, or crying or silently breaking down, what if you were to rise up?  To surge. To throw yourself carelessly into deadly adventure? To coil every fading memory, every tenuous pale flame of selfhood and every dying ember of self-respect into a charged spring of action and then to hurl yourself madly and violently into the face of evil and madness for the cause of all mankind?

Imagine if instead of a person, that was describing a civilisation, and that civilisation was encoded in a single city. That is the city I would write.

I don’t know what it’s called.

It’s lying tilted and falling in the mouth of a volcano. A good third has already fallen in and bits and pieces are going all the time. The whole thing could just side away every second.

The volcano leads straight to hell and daemons spew out every night.

The kings of hell hate this city. It is the city of the Dwarves. The Dwarves were great and mighty in ages past. They were sombre and grim and dwarfish and sang long low songs, but they were hard as fucking nails, so instead of getting decedent and pervy, whenever their civilisation got bored, they would collectively find the evilest creatures and forces across all the cosmos and they would just fuck with them. Just to ruin evils day. That is what the dwarves did with their spare eons. Century over century over century of tracking down daemons and liches and diabolic dragons and creatures of the outer dark and just fucking with them, killing them, wrecking their plans, freeing their slaves, bringing down the dark towers, just for the pleasure of doing it. That’s how you run a culture.

So now the age of dwarves is done. Their civilisation is dying. The kings of hell have sworn to drag the last city of the Dwarves down into the fire. Who is going to stop them?

The City is a place where every night hell unleashes another apocalypse to destroy it, and every night the anarchist remnants of the Dwarven people (and anyone else who wants to turn up) fight them off, just to ensure another day goes past.

There would be big tables to decide what kind of apocalypse is happening tonight, they would all be utterly different. Yes, big red devils with wings, but also living creatures of despair, evil plots, strange magics, ghosts of evil dragons, fallen angel deathsongs, diabolic brass siege engines, never the same thing twice. Never the same kind of thing twice.

 And because this is a place where you are guaranteed to come face to face with ultimate despair every night, only the coolest, craziest, bravest people go there. The kind of people who are either massively good, totally at the end of their tether, or just don’t give a fuck.

this girl is there, she looks cool

 

There is no real central authority. There might be a king but he is pretty busy foiling endless evil plots to worry too much about what you are up to, so it’s cool. It’s mainly Dwarves. Strange mad brave dwarves. They are old and weird with the knowledge of forgotten centuries and dead friends, or young and careless in the face of destruction. There are lots of other types of people there as well. All the people who couldn’t get along anywhere else because they were too real for the system. No-one is too fussed about normative conduct because you have probably signed your own death warrant by coming there. It’s generally assumed that you are going to spend your time doing something unspeakably heroic. Because if everyone in the city wasn’t doing that all the time then the city would be gone.

There are endless halls and catacombs and ancient libraries and museums and strange crypts. They are full of the knowledge and secrets and treasures of the Dwarves. Accumulated and guarded over millennia. The secrets are all about fighting evil. Every night demonic forces surge into the city and try to wipe out the collected memory of civilisation. Every night, teams of anarchist kamikaze librarians do battle to preserve the memory of the past so that future generations will know how to successfully fuck with evil too.

(There is also lots and lots of gold and treasure which needs to be rescued from hell.)

When the sun comes up and the city is still there, people throw a drunken dwarven party. There will be big random tables and rules for partying and what happens then.

In the day while living hero’s sleep, the ghosts of the heroic dead guard the city silently against invisible evils no-one else suspects. So even if you die in the city then that’s just the start of a bigger adventure for your ghost.

In the points between fighting evil, partying and sleeping, people try to run a (sort-of) normal city. They fix sewers, shop, deal with infrastructure. There are normal jobs but the people doing them are the best possible versions of the people doing them anywhere because everyone here is slightly mad and heroic.

And that is the city I would make. (art by John Blanche)

i think this girl is also there

Tiles Of The Unknown

Got a copy of Geoffrey McKinneys 'Isle Of The Unknown' for Christmas. It's very pretty and very interesting and it's mainly data that gives you no hint as how to use it.

That's all well and good for me. There are some kinds of thinking you want done for you and some you want to do yourself. This can differ quite considerably from person to person, which I think is also a good thing. It's natural that interesting people should differ in their talents and attractions. It also means we can learn from each other and help fill the gaps in each others natures.

'Isle' gives you a lot of creative data and then leaves you alone to work out how to use it. This is apparently utterly different to the desires of other people.

This is my first attempt to work out how to use the Isle. 

I did a bit of data-serf grunt work and wrote down a list of all the hexes in the book. The link is on the right if anyone wants to use it. I hope this doesn't break copyright, if it does, let me know and I will take it down.

My first idea about potential use is sort of stolen from roles, rules and rolls and his one-page tables used to connect themed ideas. I considered just importing his list of action verbs but in the end I thought that considering the enormous variety of things on the isle, it would be too limiting.

Instead I did this. I took the list of hexes, went to random.org and used their list randomiser to scramble the hexes. I then pasted the scrambled list back into the document.

This forms a list of connections between every hex in the map. For instance, in my first attempt I found the Bi-Located cleric in hex 0114 is connected to the crystal statue in 1709. Maybe that's where he got his bi location power? The statue used to be a person whose soul was taken by the poisonous giant woodpecker in hex 2410. The woodpecker is connected to the weird island in 2415. Is that where it lost it's original soul? Is it still waiting for it to re-appear?

And so on. My only difficulty is that this pretty locks down the whole island from the beginning. I prefer it when things are generated randomly at the table. It provokes a more interesting state of mind. But to do that I need a dice method that can randomise 343 hexes.

Worlds Smallest Players Handbook

There was a competition on the Internet to produce one-page dungeons. You can find the winners here.

Many are excellent. A man who blogs here. Created a dungeon that is a Pocketmod. That's an A4 page that is folded up to make a mini-booklet smaller than your hand.

The guide on how to fold a pocketmod after printing it out is here. You can also download software to make your own.

I thought this was an excellent idea. I started to wonder if you could carry a portable game of D&D in your wallet. Just enough for you play one game with people who had never played before.

So I created the Worlds Smallest Players Handbook.

You can find a link on the right. The idea is that you could print out three of these and one copy of 'Citadel of Evil' and along with 3 D6, 1 D20 and a pencil, you would have everything you need to play a game of D&D.


The handbook is far from perfect. It uses a stripped down version of LOTFP. It assumes an AC of 12 for everything, 1D6 hit points for everything and 1D6 damage for everything. It also assumes the DM can walk-through character gen and do a fair amount of improvisation as well.

The handbook isn't tuned for Citadel of Evil but hopefully could be used with any of the One Page Dungeons.


It is mainly made out of combining the ideas of Stuart Robertson from the Strange Magic blog and James Raggi who made LOTFP. 

I also nicked most of the images from here.


It's also untested and a bit ugly. I'm sure anyone with any experience in game design or graphic design could make a much better version. If anyone should want the original files to hack them up then let me know and I will put up a link.

'You all meet up in a giant nest.'

Probably my favourite opening to a D&D adventure ever.

You don't even need to describe much, just show them the image and say 'this is you'.

From Module UK5 'Eye of the Serpent'. 

If I'm infringing copyright, ask, and I'll take it down.

A Review of 'Quest of the Mist Golem, Module QMG1, Mist Hold'

Zack S requested reviews for free adventures here.

So I have reviewed 'Quest of the Mist Golem from the Delvers Dungeon 

A Review of 'Quest of the Mist Golem, Module QMG1, Mist Hold'

1. 1. What kind of adventure is it? (Location based? Dungeon? Town? Etc.)

It's a standard break-and-entry on an abandoned wizards tower.

So there's a lot of political bullshit at the beginning. Then the good stuff, a guy who guards his home with evil mists, kidnaps children and turns them into little demonic Frankenstein dopplegangers. An evil guy who is being evil mainly because he's a prick, and not for any other reasons.

He wants to create a Golem that's intelligent and 'utterly loyal'? Presumably because he's never seen an episode of 'The Outer Limits'. He also traded with an Ice Demon for the ability to make Doll Golems and intends to create a city-destroying Golem of Mist. I like that he is using the most impractical methods possible to fuck with peoples shit.

People found out he was up to bad stuff when he sent back children he'd stolen from the city after turning them into possessed doll-golems and they ended up killing their parents and doing surgery on pets.

The city sent some guys to investigate. They found a doll thing that killed some of them and told them the boss was gone. The tower was locked, they couldn’t get in. Considering the matter closed, they went home.

It's now 'many years later.' There's some magnificent DM bullshit where the heads of the city under threat have received 'prophetic dreams' from their god Rao telling them exactly what the threat is and who is behind it but forbidding them to leave the city to do anything about it. Which is an elegant touch of divine perversity. They send the PC's to find the evil wizard.

2. How long is it?

Not very long at all is you just count the interesting stuff. If you want to drag through all the finding-the-key, searching for traps, oh-look-another-abandoned-room stuff then its about a session long. Possibly two.

3. Were there any particularly noteworthy things in it? (Monsters, traps, plot ideas, mechanics, etc.)

There is a mini hex map with nothing on it. For a journey which we've already been told only takes a day and which will be 'uneventful'.

Every night mist rises from the ground near the tower and kills everything in it. So you can only gain access during the day. You are also safe from the mist in the tower, so no time limit there.

There is some rather boring treasure, except that some of it is black coral. I would just dump the rest and have the evil wizard paying his Gnolls in Black Coral. It's vaguely poetic.

Almost every door is warded. The wizards wards stop you going anywhere the designer doesn't want you to go until you get the key. But the game doesn't tell you there is a key. On the plus side, they also act as a magical fire extinguisher, which is pleasingly practical and common sense-like. Don't want your tower burning down after all.

The Evil wizard had a visitors book to sign if you came to his tower. What the fucking fuck? Who visits Murq of the Mists the child killer with the Gnoll army and signs their name? He uses the signatures for evil scrying. I am keeping this as it is mental.

“Examining the book will not reveal any names of note.” Why not? That would be incredibly cool.

Names of all the books, some nice paintings of very particular bogs, a nature or knowledge check tells you exactly which bogs they are, which sounds boring now I come to write it down but which was vaguely thrilling when I read it. “Wait! I know that bog!” Adventure gives you exact details of each bog and the time of day the painting represents. For no apparent reason. I like that. One named book has a GP value given if sold to 'a Sage'.

Correspondence with other evil wizards! But no details given, still useful though. Module tells you exactly how many sheets of parchment, paper, vellum and papyrus the wizard left behind?

He also left his diary in which he explains his entire motivation and describes his plans. So there goes any sense of mystery.

A shelf of random dungeon maps!

An ever-full inkwell that never empties is worth 400 XP for picking it up off a desk? Take it home and set up an ink business?

A quill that magically transcribes any voice in 30 feet? Even if you can't hear it?

The wizard also left a memo on his desk detailing his future plans and possible new security systems. Can't really blame him for that one. I carry my banking login number in my wallet with my card, where else are you going to keep it?

Chest in the Wizards bedroom is a DM's fuck-you trap, try to take his stuff and rust-gas ruins your stuff. Strongbox in the chest is full of fools gold, also ruins your gold if you place it inside. (Why would you?) Wizard also left lots of magic items for killing trolls. Trolls are his guards. This is a bit less forgiveable. Like hiding your key under the mat.

There are two kitchens in this tower BUT NO TOILET ANYWHERE. Upper kitchen has a waste disposal chute, 'ah-ha' I think, time for some innovative lateral thinking, and sure enough, it comes out in an area below and can be climbed by “any creature of Dwarf or Halfling size” but then I read “however, they will find it too slippery to maintain a grip and will slide the length of it to land in the water four levels belowfor 2d6 damage." So that was totally, totally pointless.

There are some more paintings of bogs and an awesome painting of the Temple of Elemental Evil. Smart players will simply cut these out and sell them. No values are given.

The best things aout this are the child-golems that twitch and slur. When they attack they scream things like 'I don't want to hurt you!' and 'I'm a good boy!' When you kill them they turn back into children. If they bite you then you laugh yourself to death.

The top floor makes it all worth it. A huge, ruined magical lab. An innocent doll-golem locked in a trunk, a trunk full of miniturised monsters that wake up and grow if you touch them. A bell jar with a crazy, violent time-frozen doll golem in it. The bones of the Wizards girlfriend (he dissolved her!) Her ghost can info-dump about the rest of the stuff in the tower. A scrying pool with some wierd rules. Some crazy rancid potions with fun and unpredictable side effects. A summoning circle that doesnt work. Why not?

The miniturised monsters can regenerate. If given a moment to think, they will simply jump out of the tower, smash onto the ground below, wait to regenerate, and run off into the woods. I like that, tactical thinking.

The advenure says to treat each corner of the room seperately and take it all slowly. No way am I doing that. All at once!

Finally, at the very end of the adventure you come to the part you have to do first. This is stupid. It should be at the beginning.

In the basement there are rats. The rats have stats. The rats won't fight unless cornered and there is no reason to corner them. So why do they have stats?

The wizard fed his Gnolls renewable meat. There is a slab of troll steak on a table. Remove it and the troll grows back! If you ignore or forget about it then the troll slowly regenerates, eats the rats in the room and silently hunts you through the tower. That is nice work.

There is a basement room with deadly (giant) spiders and a message and a flooded room with deadly (giant) water beetles and the key you need to access the rest of the tower. Deadly water beetles sound much more fun. They swin on bubbles of air. Can you pop the bubbles? I hope so.

"The trip back to Veluna City should be uneventful." Why?

"The more complete a report given to the High Priest of Veluna, the faster he will be able to divine Murq’s exact present location on Oerth." Why can't the players figure it out themselves?

"As a final point, the empty premises of Murq’s forest tower, Mist Hold, could become a DM’s nightmare if handled improperly. Allowing mid-level players permanent access to a mage’s warded stronghold as a base can take much of the danger (and fun) out of later, high-level play."

And make it MORE AWESOME, you have a WIZARDS TOWER

4. What sort of vibe is going on in it? (Creepy? Gonzo? Sword and sorcery? Chivalry? Etc.)

The vibe is pure standard D&D with a bit of child-killing horror thrown in. You could play the empty rooms of the wizards tower for slow-burn stress-horror if you played it right.

5. Would you run it? Why or why not?

If I were running this I would strongly infer that the rulers of the city were corrupt cowards, too scared to deal with it themselves.

The adventure begins with the party waiting two minutes to speak to a High Priest. Why begin in a fucking waiting room? In fact, since the interaction is totally scripted, why not just info dump the players and drop them straight in?

My mistake, there is one paragraph about what happens if the PC's refuse the mission. They hear about the city falling three months later.

I would throw out the overarching plot points. Just have it as a random tower. The paintings, letters, books, random dungeon maps and visitors ledger in the tower make it very good for connecting to any other adventure. You can run information both too and from the encounter if you wish.

The tower is meant to be partially ruined, you can dig in through the rubble. But it starts re-building itself once the PC's enter, trapping them inside? Kind of boring and illogical. I wouldn't bother with that, or with most of the warded doors and simply have them enter through the caverns in the basement. Actually, you could link the whole thing up to a dungeon or megadungeon that way.

There is an invisible chef in the kitchen that does nothing but clean and cook food. I would probably have it get violent if the PC's leave a mess.

If the PC's take over the tower, the nightly death-mist is meant to disperse. I would leave it as it makes the whole thing a bit more interesting. You are safe (but trapped) during the night and unsafe (but free) during the day.

6. Does it resemble anything we might've seen before?

I suspect it closely resembles every single wizards-tower adventure anyone has ever seen. Traps, locks, a few monsters, hastily written notes a convenient diary and a ghost.

Note – THERE IS NO MIST GOLEM IN THIS ADVENTURE, THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON I READ THE DAMMN THING.

The Mist Golem is meant to turn up later on when you track the guy down in his all-new bog fortress with the Trolls. I really wanted there to be one.