So, apparently when it is midnight and I have a paper due at 8 a.m. (which means it needs to be done by 6:30) and have no real idea of what I'm going to do, I write it funny. I am like three steps away from patronizing but I think it might be working for me. And I've sort of accepted the fact that I will pass this class by the seat of my pants if I'm lucky.

I have one page written. 9 more to go...

*falls over*

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Today was my last actual class day of the semester. Still have a final Friday, a final Monday and the big project due.

Have been crying since I got off the train. Can't decide if I call into work or not. I know I need to go in though because there are companies I need to call regarding christmas card orders. Because this couple came in Friday and totally misinterpreted everything I said and then there was anger on Saturday and when I explained it to Boss she was totally on my side because she knew that I would've never said what they say I said.

And the pair of jeans I bought from Lane Bryant two months ago already have fucking holes in them and these are the only pair of jeans that I own god dammit! I'm going to write them a letter. Sister has sent me a link to Old Navy jeans in the meantime. And is also sending me a check cause have not heard from my aunt.

I offered to work tomorrow but now I'm seriously doubting if I can. I am so at my wits end right now. I'm thinking I might go in and then leave when other boss shows up.

I'm so tired. And I'm so very, very depressed.

I can't tell if this is one of those moments where I admit defeat to my illness or put on my big girl panties and deal with it. At least for a few hours.

I want to stay in this bed and cuddle my cats.

At least the crying seems to have mostly stopped.

So I pulled out the scary letter from the school that they sent me back in January and left a message on the woman's answering machine. Will try to call her back tomorrow morning. It's one of those things where I'm afraid they'll tell me I'm fucked and I can't come back (not like I want to but you know) and blah blah blah. In the meantime, I am filling out my FAFSA for the fall.

Work has been mega crazy the last two days. Lots of special orders which is yay. However it also means that hardly any inventory has been done and the accountant is coming in two weeks. Eek!

I am trying to distract myself from the school stuff because school gives me hives. I am typing to keep from picking at my face. I am terrified to talk to the woman in the Financial Aid office tomorrow but it needs to be done.

Unfortunately the FAFSA website is being slow as shit this evening. How annoying. And there are strange noises coming from outside. I think I have some new neighbors and they are really, really noisy and drunk. Sigh.

OMG SO TERRIFIED because I am afraid they are going to say, "You are not worthy!" or something along those lines. I am totally blowing this out of proportion but that's why I didn't call back in February when the stupid letter originally came. ARGH. So queasy.

And AIM made me update and it looks weird.

Feel like I am going to throw up and I will have to leave my phone on all night so that if the person from Financial Aid calls, I will hear it and pick up. But knowing me, I will wake up at 8 and be so freaked out of my mind that I won't be able to go back to sleep. OMG.

Sigh. I hate this. I don't want to go back to this school but there's no other school in the area. Argh. Feel sick.

And don't ask about the SATs. ARGH.