The Hobgoblins of the Ultimate West

The Hobgoblins of Panzoasia’s Ultimate West are noted for their peculiar obsession with all things red – especially blood and fire. They are divided into Factions, each of which follows its own Dictator. These Dictators are not always Hobgoblins themselves. Historically, Factions of Hobgoblins have also served Red Dragons, Vampires, Necromancers, Witch Queens, and even Efreeti! The various Factions of Hobgoblins all regard each other as traitors deserving only of death.

The technological achievements of the Hobgoblins are considerable. They are expert miners and builders, preferring designs in perfect geometrical shapes. They know the use of concrete. Many Hobgoblin structures built above-ground during the Reign of the Monsters are actually still in use by the Five Peoples – particularly the well-constructed Hobgoblin forts. Hobgoblin cloth is finely woven, their leather is skillfully tanned, and their clothes are expertly tailored. But Hobgoblins are most famous as the first species to produce steel in large quantities, and it was their steel weapons and armor that allowed them to defeat the bronze-wielding Humans during the Invasions. Even in modern times, the quality of Hobgoblin steel is only rivaled by that produced by the Dwarves.

Appearance and Costume

Hobgoblins stand as tall as Humans. They have thin, lean builds, but are nonetheless slightly stronger than Humans on average. Like Goblins, Hobgoblins seem to combine bat-like and simian features. Their long faces evoke those of “spectral bats”, with enormous pointed ears, leaf-like noses, and fangs that protrude from their mouths. Their eyes are lustrous black. Their skin color can be anything from pink to dark brick red, and fur that covers their bodies can range from light reddish brown to black. Like all Goblinoids (including common Goblins and Bugbears), their wiry arms and boney hands are long for their bodies; with clawed fingers that are slightly webbed. When not in battle, Hobgoblins of both sexes tend to wear red cloak or capes, cap-sleeved doublets (which can be of any color), and high boots of black leather (which are finely made and always kept clean).

Hobgoblin Culture and Society

By choice, Hobgoblins live in Strongholds that consist of an above-ground fortress in the shape of a perfect square (or other polygon), with and equally extensive network of tunnels underneath. The exterior of the above-ground fortress is often covered in raw concrete – which will also be used to create interior features. There will be no exterior windows, save for arrow-slits. The extensive use of concrete (or “Goblin Stone”) by Hobgoblins has in fact created a prejudice against its use among the Five Peoples, except as mortar for cut stones.

Hobgoblin society is completed regimented and hierarchical. All males and non-pregnant females are considered to be soldiers. Young Hobgoblins are instructed in warfare, taught a useful craft, and indoctrinated in the superiority of their Faction. Individuality is suppressed in every way. Almost everything an ordinary Hobgoblin wants to do (including mate) must be approved by their Decanus (or Sargeant), who in turn must obey the Praetor that rules each Stronghold. The Praetors, in turn, owe absolute allegiance to the Dictator of their Faction. The slightest evidence of disloyalty is punished by death. Non-Hobgoblins who have been conquered by Hobgoblins must also show conspicuous devotion to the Faction’s Dictator, or risk horrible deaths.

Hobgoblins only drink blood, and only eat flesh. They can tolerate preserved meat when they must, but greatly prefer it to be raw (and bloody). The Hobgoblin fascination with blood extends beyond craving it as source of nourishment. Hobgoblins who display exception bravery, or are promoted to a higher rank, are anointed with blood. Hobgoblins soldiers have been known to linger on a battlefield, entranced by the bleeding wounds of dying enemies. Hobgoblin love to inflict slow torture by cutting and flaying, often pausing to lick and suck the bleeding flesh. Prisoners who are destined to be eaten will be fed certain foods, or regularly exposed to certain smells, to properly flavor and scent their blood.

The Hobgoblin obsession with blood extends to a fascination with the possibilities of breeding. They enthusiastically participate in Depradator breeding experiments, and conduct many of their own besides. Besides the the Thouls first created by Vermadeus during the Reign of the Monsters, other variants of Hobgoblins include the winged Hobgoblin Atavi, the partially-Human High Goblins, the fanged and scaled Norkers, and the water-breathing Aquatic Hobgoblins.

Hobgoblins are the only Bogeymen with a sculptural tradition. In fact, the most skilled Hobgoblin artisans can carve perfect replicas of anything from stone or wood, which they often use to create idols of their Faction’s Dictator, or cult statues.

Hobgoblins at War

Each Hobgoblin Faction has its own identifying Standard – a blood-red flag emblazoned with a black pictogram. The Standard will be displayed everywhere in a Hobgoblin stronghold. In battle, the Standard is carried on the pole capped with image of a Vampire Bat.

Hobgoblin soldiers wear a type of banded mail cuirass resembling the “lorica segmentata”, with Praetors usually wear finely-made scale mail resembling “lorica plumata”. The characteristic Hobgoblin helmet is open on the sides to accommodate their large ears. Their shields tend to be rectangular, and painted with the Faction standard. In lieu of using a shield, high-status Hoboblins will sometimes wield a forked baton with an elongated, ribbon-like version of their Faction’s standard attached. The Hobgoblin quickly waves the baton back and forth in intricate patterns to distract their opponent with the brilliant rippling color, and then employs the fork to catch their opponent’s weapon. Fighting in this way is considered very honorable, and a greater display of martial skill than simply using a shield.

The preferred weapons of Hobgoblins are their finely-made swords (which tend to have double-sided, triangular blades) the javelin, and the military fork. In general, they tend towards stabbing and trusting weapons, which work well in tight formations. The sole exception is the weighted net they use to capture prisoners.

When a hobgoblin horde captures more prisoners than they can transport, they tend to impale the excess number on high poles, or else nail them by the wrists to a pole or tree and let them hang until they suffocate.

Animals and Allies of the Hobgoblins

Hobgoblins get along well with Giant Bats, and are especially fond of Giant Vampire Bats. Such creatures often guard important Hobgoblin Strongholds. Likewise, the Hobgoblins are known to train Alphyns as beasts of war. Some Hobgoblin Praetors even use small Hellhounds as guards. Horses hate Hobgoblins instinctively, however. Hogoblins who live in warmer climes sometimes ride large Pterosaurs as aerial mounts.

The Hobgoblin exploitation of Goblins as disposable front-line troops is well known, as is their employment of Bugbears as spies, assassins, and enforcers. Although Hobgoblins despise Orcs and their poorly-made equipment, they are sometimes employed by Orcish Barons and Captains to train their soldiers.

The Hobgoblin Language

The Hobgoblin language is either a highly refined dialect of Goblin, or the source language from which Goblin was derived – depending on whether one asks a Hobgoblin or Goblin. It is written in pictograms and logograms that are startling similar to those used for Western Elven, a fact that neither folk can explain – or wants to talk about.

Alignment and Religion

The Gnomish sages claim that Hobgoblins were once mostly Lawful, and inhabited a large, technologically-advanced empire in what is now the Wasteland. As their society split into Factions, each Faction turned to increasingly desperate and extreme measures to attain supremacy. Eventually, the entire species succumbed to Evil. Hobgoblins of any Alignment other than Evil, while not completely unknown, are now extraordinarily rare.

Hobgoblins are among the most devoted and enthusiastic devotees of the Antichurch of Darkness. The version of the Black Mass celebrated in Hobgoblin Strongholds is especially bloody and cruel. The Clergy of Darkness regards an assignment to the Hobgoblins as perilous, however, since every Hobgoblin Faction demands that the Clerics of Darkness aid them aid them in their wars against rival Factions.

Hobgoblins volunteer eagerly for service at the Boggle Mounds. The flying Hobgoblin Atavi (see below) are especially sought as sentinels and guardians by the Depradators who build and control the Mounds.

The Thouls

Thouls are often gifted to Praetors and Dictators by Vermadeus, serving both as a reward for loyalty to the Depradators, and a means of keeping the Hobgoblin leadership in line. To create a Thoul, a Hobgoblin is fed only Troll blood for a month. Then, the heart and digestive organs from a Ghoul are surgically transplanted into the subject. After a final ritual, the former Hobgoblin becomes a Thoul, neither alive, nor truly Undead. A dishonored Hobgoblin can restore their honor (albeit posthumously) by volunteering to become a Thoul, or allowing one to paralyze them and eat them alive.

The High Goblins

At first glance, High Goblins could easily be mistaken for people of mixed Human and Elven heritage. They closely resemble slim but wiry Humans in overall form, with large pointed ears. Their faces tend to be long, with angular features, and noses that are sometimes pointed. Their eyes are human-like, but their mouths are filled with sharp teeth. Their hands have relatively long fingers that end in sharp, claw-like nails. Their skin is almost always extremely pale. Depending on the individual, their overall appearance can range from grotesque to strikingly elegant. Unlike normal Hobgoblins, High Goblins tend to dress flamboyantly.

High Goblins can follow the same character Classes as Humans, with the exception that one of their Class Special Abilities will always replaced with Infravision. Naturally, they tend to rise to high positions in Hobgoblin society, often becoming Praetors and Dictators. They are also known to install themselves as leaders over Goblin hordes.

Because of their appearance, and the fact that they nourish themselves on blood (like all Hobgoblins), High Goblins can be also mistaken for Vampires. They are sometimes even called “Pseudo-Vampires”.

The Hobgoblin Atavi

A Hobgoblin Atavus is a throwback to the ancestral, winged form of all Goblinoids. They resemble other Hobgoblins, except that the second, third, and fourth fingers of each hand form bat-like wings that can be folded up along the arms when not in use. Additionally, the feet of a Hobgoblin Atavus are more ape-like than those of normal Hobgoblins, with fully opposable big toes that function like thumbs. Armed with javalins that they can use with their feet while flying, Hobgoblin Atavi serve Praetors and Dictators as spies, scouts, and messengers.

Statistically, Hobgoblin Atavi are almost identical to Hobgoblins, but only have AC 7 [12] from leather armor, and have a Flying speed of 240’

The Aquatic Hobgoblins

Aquatic Hobgoblins have completely webbed hand and feet, with small ears, large eyes, and dense fur covering their bodies. They have gills in their neck, and can breathe both water and air. They were first bred to attack Human ships from below, since no Bogeyman species has ever developed any skill at sailing. Now, Aquatic Hobgoblins inhabit the coastal waters of Bythebia, sometime venturing north to Corthis, or attacking the Sacred Isle of Albelon (which has always ended in disaster for them).

The Goblins of the Ultimate West

The Goblins of Panzoasia’s Ultimate West are feared for their compulsive vandalism. Mobs of Goblins crawl from their caves by night to poison fields, pull up gardens, and befoul wells. They smash statues, cut paintings, and slash the lovely faces of Elves in their beds. The Goblins draw crude and obscene figures on walls, urinate on food stored for the winter, and kill beloved pets. They hate anything anybody else loves, and resent anything anybody else owns. Goblins are often used as disposable soldiers by their larger kin, the Hobgoblins.

Appearance and Costume

Goblins stand from three to three and a half feet tall, and suggest an abominable mixture of denuded simian and bat. They have enormous, bat-like ears with pointed tips, and wrinkled, leaf-like noses that seem to be either constantly stuffed up or running. Males are generally bald, but females can have human-like head of hair (albeit always stringy and greasy). Goblin eyes are red, and glow faintly. Their skin is usually a sickly yellowish-green, but like that of Elves, can actually be any shade of of any hue. Like all Goblinoids (including Hobgoblins and Bugbears), their arms are disproportionately long for their bodies, their hands are elongated, and their fingers are slightly webbed. Goblins prefer to steal their clothing and weapons, but are not nearly so clever as Kobolds at re-purposing items. The one item that all Goblins carry, however, is a well-used handkerchief – which is never washed.

Goblin Culture and Society

Goblins love to eat anything other races find disgusting – and if others see them doing it, so much the better. Worms slurped like noodles are a Goblin delight. Above all, they love to make bizarre alcoholic brews which include ingredients like dung beetles, mushrooms, fresh blood, old socks, and rotten Human heads. Hobgoblins often send all their organic waste to the Goblin warrens for disposal, and much of it goes into the brew pot. In fact, much of the disordered thinking characteristic of Goblins may be put down to the fact that they are usually intoxicated.

The stench of a Goblin’s (distressingly frequent) farts is indescribably awful. In fact, Goblins will stage contests with each other to see who can produce the most vile flatulence. If not for the competing stink of the horrible brews also being made there, Goblin lairs would smell entirely of farts.

Besides farting competitions, the favorite sport of Goblins is Snot Shooting. Goblins compete for distance and accuracy while clearing their noses. If possible, they prefer to paint the target on the forehead of a bound Elf, Human, Dwarf, Gnome, or Halfling (in that order or preference). When Goblins aren’t clearing their noses, they are frequently picking them – either flinging the extracted mucus at another, or eating it.

Goblins have no sense of privacy, shame, or even pride – but they live in a constant state of resentment. In fact, any Goblin who accomplishes anything noteworthy will be quickly torn down by their fellows. Goblin Tyrants are infamous for their stupidity and short-sightedness, but Goblins consider this desirable in a leader. Oddly, Goblins have no problem with following clever Hobgoblins – they simply believe no Goblin should ever act like they are smarter than another.

It is not uncommon for a horde of Goblins to be led by one of the half-human, half Hobgoblin hybrids known as High Goblins.

Goblins at War

Goblins take no more care of their weapons and armor than they do anything else. The bits and pieces of armor they wear are usually mismatched, ill-fitting, and crudely repaired. Like Hobgoblins, they can only wear helmets that are open at the side, because of their large ears. Goblin soldiers serving directly under Hobgoblin command, however, are sometimes issued fine armor and weapons of Hobgoblin steel.

The favorite weapons of Hobgoblins are saw-toothed short swords, spiked clubs, and short bows (firing barbed arrows) Those Goblins who ride Dire Wolves also wield short spears that they they can use use like lances in melee, or throw as javelins.

Goblins also throw excrement as a weapon of war. One particularity nasty way is to roll it into balls, infest the balls with with Rot Grubs, and cover them with with mud. Once dried and safe to (gently) handle with gloves, the dried balls are flung at enemies – while the Goblins slink away to snicker.

A curious fact about raiding Goblins is that they are just as likely to steal toys and novelties as gold . In fact, the treasure vaults of a Goblin Tyrant are likely to hold as many old dolls and hobby horses as gems. Of course, any pretty toy the Goblins can’t steal they will break – preferably in front of a crying child.

Animals and Allies of the Goblins

Wolves, bats, rats, and weasels naturally get along with Goblins, as do the giant and monstrous versions of those same animals. Dire Wolves and Giant Bats in particular often serve as Goblin mounts. All other mammals, however, instinctively hate Goblins, and will refuse to eat or drink if captured and held by them. Likewise, any crops Goblins attempt to intentionally grow, other than mushrooms and fungi, will always wither and die. Thus, the Goblins cannot engage in any appreciable agriculture (beyond raising snakes, lizards, maggots, and worms), and must constantly hunt and raid (unless they live off the garbage of another species).

The Goblin Language

The Goblin language is harsh and guttural, but also filled with syllables that resemble retching, throat clearing, and nose-blowing. The names of Goblins always translate to something unpleasant, such as “Vomit-soup” or “Pus-drop”. When Goblin is written, is uses a system of pictograms that look startlingly like crude versions of those used for Western Elven – a fact that Elves put down to some kind of tasteless Goblin joke.

Alignment and Religion

Clerics of the Antichurch of Darkness greatly resent being assigned to the smelly, filthy, and unrelentingly noisy Goblin warrens. Goblins demand to be constantly entertained in their worship, and the Depradator Priests and Priestesses must often resort to adding cheap legerdemain and stage trickery when celebrating the Black Mass for Goblins.

The Gnomish sages claim that once, most Goblins were simply Chaotic rather than Evil. They were skilled artisans who took great pride in their work, but also had a love of practical jokes and mischief. Unfortunately, when the Hobgoblins invented steel they made the Goblins feel inferior. Afterward, the Goblins gave up attempting to make beautiful things, and turned instead towards stealing and destroying them.

The Kobolds of Panzoasia

Panzoasian Kobolds are (in)famous for their bizarre machines, which are typically made of re-purposed items stolen from other species, and constructed to function in as improbable and indirect a manner as possible. They particularity love chain-reaction type contraptions. Kobolds never do anything themselves if they can build a machine to do instead – however inefficiently. In Kobold eyes, however, the highest use of a machine is the infliction of pain and suffering on larger humanoids. Naturally, they excel in the construction of incomprehensibly elaborate deathtraps, baroque torture devices, and outlandish war-engines. As often as not, however, the machines strewn throughout Kobold tunnels don’t seem to serve any actual purposes.

Appearance and Costume

A typical Kobold stands just under 3 feet tall, and has a whiskered canine face, reptilian brow, rodent-like teeth, lizard-like eyes, and reddish-brown skin that is both scaly, and sparsely studded with long bristles. Atop a Kobold’s head is a pair of segmented growths. On Kobolds that live close to the surface, these growths look exactly like small, sharp horns – but on deeper dwelling Kobolds the growths are actual, ant-like antennae. A Panzoasian Kobold’s forearms have several spines running along the ulnar edge, and their nimble hands are clawed. Their legs are canine, but hairless. Their two-toed feet resemble those of giant ants. A Kobold’s long tail resembles that of a rat. Kobolds have no external genitalia or secondary sexual characteristics (mating like birds by means of a cloaca), and it is impossible for non-Kobolds to distinguish males from females.

Kobolds do not always wear clothing. When they do they actually prefer donning mismatched and re-purposed items in clashing colors. Matching, symmetrical outfits of the kind a Human would consider beautiful actually look outlandish and ugly to Kobold eyes. Kobolds don’t re-purpose objects because they are unable to make things for themselves, but rather to show how clever and resourceful they are.

Kobold Culture and Society

Of all the Bogeyman races, Kobolds have the most obvious senses of humor. Unfortunately, most of their humor ultimately involves the infliction of pain or distress on some other intelligent species. One could easily be amused by the apparently madcap antics of Kobolds – right up the point where a swarm of them starts stabbing, slashing, and biting. If one wasn’t locked into a Kobold skinning machine, one might be amazed at its whimsical design.

Kobolds lay eggs, and only certain Kobolds, selected from birth, are ever allowed to reproduce. These “Breeders” actually do nothing else but mate. The bodies of recently hatched Kobolds resemble bloated, scaly maggots, their limbs lengthening every year until they reach full maturity at the the age of ten. The maturing young are raised communally – if somewhat haphazardly. In fact, Kobolds have no regard for their offspring at all, and those who have raided Kobold tunnels report whelps actually being used as projectile weapons. Sometimes, Kobolds even eat their young.

The largest Breeder in a Kobold community is its Queen, a bloated creature who almost never leaves her guarded chamber.

Kobolds always consume their own dead. Besides humanoid flesh, Kobolds primarily eat insects, fungi and cave slime (which they love to lick directly from the rocks). Gnome noses are considered a delicacy. The widely feared Green Slime is a harmless snack for Kobolds – so their lairs are often filled with it. Sugar is an intoxicant for Kobolds, and they will go to fantastic lengths to obtain honey and candy. The most prized possession of a Kobold Queen is often her enormous store of surface-made sweets.

Kobolds are the best miners of any species – superior even to Dwarves and Gnomes. Unlike Dwarves and Gnomes, however, they have no interest in symmetrical, even structures – preferring winding tunnels that may look haphazardly excavated, but have actually been deliberately constructed for stability and defensibility.

Kobolds at War

Kobolds love to make helmets out of leather boots captured in raids on Human settlements, and will often wear pieces of giant insects as armor. A typical Kobold Shield is made from a giant beetle carapace – or the lid of a stolen cooking pot. Likewise, their weapons are often made of re-purposed items. Like Gnomes, Kobolds often employ the repeating crossbow, often tipping their bolts with various poisons.

Animals and Allies of the Kobolds

Kobolds have domesticated rats of every size and variety – using them as food, mounts, beasts of burden, and to power various machines. The Kobolds’ pheromones allow them to to communicate with giant ants, and the two species often dwell symbiotically.

Among the other Bogeymen, Kobolds are simultaneously disliked for their strange senses of humor, and sought out for their engineering skills. It is common for the traps in lairs of Orcs, Hobgoblins, and other Bogeymen to be of Kobold design. For reasons known only to themselves, the Kobolds will often deliberately build such traps in such a way that they can be disarmed by sufficiently clever adventures who can solve a nearby riddle or puzzle.

Dragons despise Kobolds. In return, Kobolds are known to spread the insulting joke that their species arose on account of Dragons secretively mating with dogs.

The Kobold Language

Kobolds communicate by a combination of spoken language and emitted pheromones. To Human ears, their language sounds like a mixture of small dogs barking, rats chittering, and mocking laughter of children. Their various pheromones result in the strange “Kobold smell” that vaguely resembles rotten eggs, musk, and spoiled coconut. Because of its olfactory component, it is impossible for most other races to communicate well in the Kobold “language” without magical aid – the best that can be achieved is a kind of crude pidgin. The actual “name” that Kobolds use for their own species, for example, is a squeaky sound that is most closely rendered as “Yamakaba”, accompanied by a scent similar to overripe fruit. Oddly, Kobold is written with the same letters used to write Western Gnomish (albeit with the addition of pheromones smeared on the inscription). How such a strange fact came to be is a source of constant debate among Gnomish sages.

Alignment and Religion

Being sent on a mission to the Kobolds is considered among the worst assignments in the Antichurch of Darkness. Kobold tunnels are completely inhospitable even to the most depraved Humans, and the impious little monsters barely pay attention during Black Masses – when they bother to attend. Kobolds do their required service at the Bogey Mounds, but only for the chance to play cruel tricks on adventurers – and other Bogeymen.

Before they turned to Evil, most Kobolds were apparently Neutral in Alignment. Deep in the Wasteland there are said to be ancient, abandoned Kobold tunnels filled with wonders, testimony to the greatness of which Kobolds were once capable.

Elements of a Kobold Machine

A Gnomish Tinkerer can make an Intelligence Check to discern the intended function (if any) of a Kobold Machine.