Hey, everybody, uhm, I had a good but long day....Please don't be emo everyone; be happy for new year's.... please? < :( Or I'll have to pull out all the info I"ve been withholding just to distract you from your emo to my emo....And no one wants that sort of stupid ****. xD

BE HAPPY LJ!!!

and of course, no one die at Ohayocon, plz. x);; Try to have fun and not wangst. Life should not be serious at that con.

/psa

Well, it's very strange.... So my chiropractor finally got my neck to adjust, so I've been really good and haven't popped my neck...And so now, it hurts more than it has in a long long time. ALL THE TIME. What is with this? Dx

I'm also very much crooked with the rest of me, which is no fun. I should go out and exercise, practice my martial arts--I just want to be able to MOVE again!--but will anyone think badly of me if I wait until I go home to do that? There just isn't a good place here. (dammit.) Sifu's gonna kill me. Again. T^T I die of shame....

In other news, I now work until I leave--ten days in a row! Ick. My last day is also a ten-hour day. Gack. (I'm working 32 hours of paid time in the four days I work next week.) Some of us were considering if they'd charge us full rent even though we aren't going to be here for the full period, and we basically came to the conclusion that we wouldn't doubt it. And also, I hear they pay us in advance for our last week, so we can't call in sick. x_X And these are the weeks that suck, because the parks have to shut their gates by noon because they're full to capacity. Yesterday, i was working at the info booth--which I love, don't get me wrong--but I was in "super-duper frenzy mode" all day, and I went home, and couldn't calm down until like two hours later! xO

I hope when I come home, I don't talk as loud as I have to at the park. I like being a quiet person. Otherwise sucks.

But in other news, when I come home, I"ll have food again! yay eating!

Guess what! I got an MRI today. After which, I have a nervous breakdown of sorts and am again acting like I'm on speed...or crack...whichever one makes you clean obsessively and be itchy. O_o;;

I cannot wait until I get home, at which point I will be able to go through all my possessions and get rid of them!! My life is too complicated; I want to hide under a rock for about a month, no light, no nothing...

Decemeber. i just don't like december. Grr.

Let's see. I am getting some fics closer to being done, but I feel like none of them are good enough to persue/put up(put up, mostly). I am very frustrated right now. I need someone to talk to, about things in life, here, so that I can get my mind FULLY into my stories. x_X that way I can not feel like I can't completely have straight thoughts. It's weird, but I feel like there's mud between my ears and I'm not fully feeling anything physically. Also, it's troublesome, because I can't get into the characters, or can't decide, for myself, what I want to show in the story, what thought I want the charcters/scenes tolatch onto. *sigh* What trouble.

Also, I'd like to say that, you all know about my uncle, now my Grandma (his mother) is in the hospital, because of another spinal injury. I really hope it's not because of thoughts of him. So we can't even pretend that everything is all right. -_-

Again, also, I'm afriad I've really screwed up with a friend I was trying to make. Trying to rectify a problem that was only a problem with me, and therefore looking like a totally ninny that can't take care of myself, like those stupid, clingy, uncontrolled con girls who are 14.... I don't know how to set it straight that I"m not one, but now I'm asking myself, that I do anything that resembles that behavior, does that mean I'm more like that than I thought/more useless than Ithought? Am I really worthless? How do I have any friends, why do you all like me if I'm really that unstable and unable to care for myself??

Either it's not so bad as that, or you all put up with me well. I suppose, it'd be nice if one of you out there was a meglo who likes fixing those slips of mine, but that's too much (and maybe not good) to ask.

But in any event, soemthing that apparently brings on some of these moods is when I get afraid that I'll be stranded somewhere, in a city I don't know. This whole taking the bus and taxis everywhere, (unreliable ones, that is), makes me edgy. I don't like it. I feel so dependent on others here. Wait a minute....How was it that yesterday i thought I could do anything because I'd made it here?

God, this all goes in circles. Growing up is stupid, and I can't empathize with people right now. DOes that make me a monster? *scratches head* i just don't want to regress, is all. I want to be 'older than my age'...now I just feel 'younger than my age', and so...well, one is good and people respect that and like you for it, and the other, well, is something reprimand able for.

Sooooo...yeah. Any thoughts? Feelings? Reaching out from over the vast blue divide?

Ps, will any of you think badly of me if I write stories of questionable nature, and with characters with questionable morals?

pss, you can continue to stuff my stocking. ^^! It's really making me feel fuzzy. http://engine-blue.livejournal.com/16447.html#cutid1

(this part is just for the record: All the Brazilian "summer/winter" filler workers have come to disney n ow. I was xenophobic of all of them; they can be annoying in big groups and rowdy too. But I'm finding (at least with girls, because those are the ones I've met) that they're are really nice. Apparently, though, Brazil is a weird place, because there are "blonde Japanese people" (including one half-italian blond japanese girl here!). Also, my dad's right, all brazilian women are beautiful. At least the ones that can leave.
I finally went to a club for the first time in my life, did as I do at cons--talk to some guy on a couch for a few hours rather than do anything the place is actually for--but after he kind of got mistakenly chased off by the two friends of mine I came with (noelle and stephanie), we went back out on the floor, and I got force-grinded on by two foreign guys with those sleazy 'white girls are easy' smiles and I was like, hellz no foo and threw um off, but not hard enough, cuz now I still fill rather violated by that. Aren't I lame? But at least I managed to give them false names. And I tell them I'm from nebraska, which is enough to make the night worth it.
This nice guy I met, apparently worked out at the gym so much that they just asked him to work for them, so now he teachs middle-aged ladies exercise in georgia. He also works for IBM programming at night. Didn't get anything else from him. He was nice though. Came to a dance club in khakis and blue sweater. a fuzzy one. white boy Money, right there. And he was really respectful. I was lucky that my first guy I danced with didn't want to touch. x) Those other guys sure showed me how horrible the rest of the population is. But at the same time, doesn't that mean there's hope for me somewhere.)
Anything else...? I have one day off next week, tuesday, if you want to ...uh, call or something...I come back on the 5th...my chiropractor finally smiled and I went to an mri, at which point my stomach gurgled. I am sleep deprived, and almost fell asleep in it.Still working on getting christmas ready, and boxes filled and sent. So I'm still kinda ...AUGH. Okay, off to do things. bye. /end this part)

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last week I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). In September I gave athena5897 a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). Last Wednesday I helped kyoumei see the light (8 points). Last Thursday I punched yuuo in the arm (-10 points). In March haruzac and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). Overall, I've been nice (5 points). For Christmas I deserve a Sony Playstation 3! Sincerely, Engine_Blue

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Hm.

I also like, "In September I caught a purse-snatcher who stole cryogenia's purse (30 points). Last Tuesday I stole athena5897's purse (-30 points)" And I still ate my brussel sprouts. Sounds like me when I play videogames.

Oh yes! That was from Nekokenchan, btw. :)


In other news, I'm lonely and feel like I'm not part of anything, and also like I'm failing at my job. I did have a good day, it just feels like I'm always there and I don't have time to be myself. >_< I don't like who I am right now, and it bothers me. How can anyone like me if I don't like myself? T__T

*sigh*

Sorry to be annoying, I know all this sadness gets that way, but we're only human right? I'd take any kind of contact from people right now.

also, these new kind of frozen bagel bites are very good.

oh good, the presents got to my house. PEOPLE WILL HAVE PRESENTS AGAIN!!

also, I sent out a couple of postcards today. :)

Ah, Guess what! I actually had a day at work that has made me feel fuzzy, excited, and with a sense of accomplishment. Who wants to hear what kind of stuff we found picking up strollers at the end of the night tonight~~???? Ps, stay tuned to find out what way I've badly hurt myself this week, and how I triumphed over idiot boys trying to pick me up in a van.

So yes, as I believe I never actually remembered to mention, one of the areas I work at in my park of employ is stroller rental, and as I'm usually there at night, I get to do the parkwalk sometimes, which is going around the (empty!) park and picking up abandoned strollers (it's like a videogame!). Now that it's the holidays, all kinds of madness abounds in the park!

Things we found: ---> ( WOAH FUNCollapse )

Oh yes, how I hurt myself: I "pulled a rib," as my chiropractor put it, which means I pulled the muscle on one of my middle lower ribs, where it connects TO the rib. Thus, it hurts to move my right arm up much (hurting now as I write, but this is important!), and I can't lift things without it straining, or open heavy doors. Sooo, now I have to eat soup with my left hand. Behold me exercising my right brain. .__. I feel like Ed. Dammit, fic bunnies, noooooo!

And how I truimphed over some stupid guys: So, I was dropped off in front of the apts by a coworker friend, along with another girl, and our lovely driver left. Within about five seconds, I bent down to pick up a penny. Then, as the other girl walked away, I saw a dime, and picked that up too. :) By the time I got back up, there was a new van behind me, with a guy leaning out the window with his sunglasses half pulled off his face. He says, "Hey, how're you doing?"

Now, all precedents point to me not saying anything while people verbal-molest me in tehse situations, and making me desire to shoot things for days after. But I had just been thinking about this as I was picking up the penny, AND I had felt like, with how this was going, that his words and look were kind of like a slap on the ass. However, they were practiced (?) and didn't sound sleasy. That's the only reason I'm wondering about feeling bad over the fact that my response just ended up as "Better than you." It wasn't snotty. Just peppy, off-hand remark. I walked away.

He called after me something something rise in pitch YOU BITCH, (it's amazing how psycho they sound when they get that way), and as he was sounding so psycho, I was kind of put off, and simply looked back and said, "you're Lame." with capital L. x))

So, should I feel bad? The other girl laughed, cuz she didnt' hear anything except me calling them lame. I would feel bad, except I remembered afterward that the guy, in the passanger's seat, would have had to get his driver to pull over in order to do that...and they initiated the idea as they saw me bending down...what jerks/dorks. good lord. What's your call?

Wow, I finally got my japanese language pin at Disney! Which is strange, since I gave up on it and never took the test. O.o It just randomly appeared in an envelope on my manager's desk, and she gave it to me today. :P Then, the first person who saw it was like "WOW, you speak chinese?!" (I said it was japanese but she still thought it was amazing, so no complaints.)

In other news, I think I may get a Japanese lang & cult major, with a psychology AND history minor now. That may be very interesting. And I could graduate from 4-yr college at 19!! woot! >.< And away we go~!

Ps, I'm working on some fics with the hopes of getting them more done. I do not do nano, probably will eventually, but other people doing the project I think affects me too. I"m having a lot of trouble with my back, and felt faint and unable to breathe at work today, but I'm cooking fish fillets tonight! :D Mmm, meat.

Now, what else? winter's coming early all across the country, and I'm sad, because that's what I wanted. But it's also okay, because I think the four months of it we'll have after january starts will be enough, yah? ^^; best of both worlds.

Also, I feel much more aware, of being aware! I have lept again in my mental consciousnes, and am finally starting to outgrow some of the pains of ... 'before?' I finally feel like "Good" is the normal, and that makes me happy. I feel safe. And with these stories, able.

Yay.

Ack, I just spent 130.00 dollars on people's christmas presents at Epcot. x__X;; (though a chunk of stuff was for me) And there's still one more person buy for!

But it's all made possible by a 40% discount!

though...there is the whole matter of shipping them. >o_>o

Oh yes, and I'm working six days a week now, and lots of homework to do!!!

*dies*

Hope you like them , though.

And hey, anybody want me to buy Axel, Roxas, or Kairi figures with my discount? I don't know what they go for on the net. O,o

Also, I went to Cirque du Soleil! So cool! And I got a poster from that, and a manatee plushee. > < Manatees are my favorite marine creature. (giraffes are my favorite land animal.)

Quote of the day from Epcot:

"And once again, here we are at Argentina."

Okay, so everyone knows I'm stuck in florida with no cons and no costumes and no way to go anywhere except where the stupid private busses take us--which is no where in particular.

Everyone feel sad for me. I don't even have a party to go to. And in other, related news, I remember I need to not eat candy so I dont' get depressed from sugar spikes and dips. > . <

The one thing that IS bothering me, though, is that my roomie just got transfered to a new job, so she'll always be home before me, less I work in the morning. And that kind of sucks, because I usually work at night,a nd like to be home for myself for a while. And our hours are very similar, so she'll mostly be here all the time I am. This does not bode well for the coming months. *incinerated* augh. *gives up now*

There is apparently a parasite that gets eaten by slugs, surrounded in mucus, spit back out, eaten by ants (in snot-ball form!), and then takes over the ant's brain, making it a zombie. W.T.F.

And in other news, I forgot to mention before--Since I was sick, I didn't work neough hours to cover rent AND taxes, so my check was O.oo dollars. Infact, it was SO MUCH 0.00 dollars that it didn't even say anything except VOIDZZ! all over it. How demoralizing. >O_>O