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-i am both glad to have meds and hate that i have to take them daily
-we have so much tv to watch and haven't been doing so
-behind on everything except christmas movies
-i want to read something that i haven't found has been created yet
-will continue looking for it
-if i don't do my nails soon i'll end up probably biting them all off again
-it's probably too much to wear my galaxy dress to the grocery store
-but i haven't worn real or nice or really nice clothes in so long
-if it weren't for sports bras i wouldn't even be wearing one of those
-it's supposed to be 70F here today
-the weather is crap
-i'd like a job
-there aren't any to be had around here
-it's starting to get really depressing
-going to make cookies and a veggie tray with my nephew for santa and the reindeer
-he's already questioning all of santa's logistics
-we're going to have ten people and a dog in the house for christmas eve
-and also try to 'help santa' assemble gifts
-i'm not looking forward to that train wreck
-my mom got pillows with santa's face on them
-they are scarily real
-and make mema laugh
-i need new face wash
-this list is long
-i'm hungry
Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

 I was gonna write some junk, but then I saw the thing that says they are rebooting Murder, She Wrote with Octavia Spencer and basically Murder, She Wrote gives me life and it's the only thing that matters.

I will record and rewatch every episode of that.

The episode I just watched had Dustin Nguyen with a mullet and this current episode has Kinnicki from Grease in it. Ugh this show is great and if you don't think so, we probably shouldn't be friends.

I was gonna talk about Tana and her craziness but I just. can't.

Anyway, I'm thinking of cutting my hair like Tegan Quin. All asymmetrical and floofy and shit. Thoughts?

Or we can talk about Bucky. We can always talk about Bucky.

Well at least until this episode is over or I say screw it and go to bed.
Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

random update time while i watch the penguins and the flyers and whatever happens here? sure why not.

• gotta try to trade my car for something with a lower payment. i apparently have expensive taste though.
• going to see my sister tomorrow.
• have about two too many grandmothers in the house right now for my sanity.
• broke my thumbnail or otherwise would have a perfect manicure right now.
• painted our walls blue.
• went to the doctor yesterday and got new RA meds and something for migraines and i already feel better because basically my health was so far down the tubes that i didn't know if i was going to make it out of bed. it was a daily struggle.
• signed up for yuletide.
• our internet was borked though so i never got back here to write a letter and now i honestly just don't want to even try.
• talked danielle into writing me a mail order bride raleigh/chuck au. woo.
• have had increasingly weird dreams about hockey players/dog owners/family members/one direction. the usual.
• my dad is still sick. like it's a day to day sort of illness that usually finds him too tired to move.
• i honestly have no idea what else i was going to say. i had a whole list in my head but like, i'm tired and i have shit to read and write and beta and i just want to eat, take some meds and go to bed. i'm not actually depressed right now or anything. i think i've just reached my people limit and need to be anywhere but where i am currently.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

today: I went with my dad to the doctor. He's not allowed to go alone anymore because his condition and meds change so rapidly and he's horrible at remembering half of what's said. It was mostly good news. He can possibly get off the steroid within the year. That's good to hear.

Then we bought a tv from Best Buy. Well, Daddy bought a tv. I watched Iron Man 2 until it was time to leave.

I also ate all the sushi ever at lunch. And also convinced my family to go to IHOP for supper. yum Belgian waffles nom nom.

Then I painted my nails black and sparkly. Whee.

I'm about to go to bed because I'm so tired. There are too many people here and I'll be glad when the floors are finished. Daddy wants to go to Lowe's tomorrow and buy paint and I just need a breather. yikes. They are going to finish our bathrooms Friday. We are down to one bathroom right now and it sucks. Hopefully the plumber shows up tomorrow.

And then we can start putting everything back together because I'm tired of eating out of the one side of the kitchen and sitting all in my dad's room and watching his currently janky tv. Then I can start to unfuck my room and get all my clothes into the dresser. And maybe bathe my dog and bring him back in the house. I miss him.

Things are in too much disarray for me to be comfortable.

yesterday: I got new glasses. My mom hates them. I told her to quit looking at me.

I don't know what's happened in between yesterday and last Sunday.

sunday: I slept almost the entire day because I had the worst migraine and hated life and sunshine.

saturday: I went shopping with my sister and my niece. We spent allll day buying so much shit omg. I got a cute shirt, a white and black polkadot cardigan, two pairs of sneakers (Nike and Saucony), my mom bought me an Avs shirt, got a hair straightener two pairs of sunglasses, a new wallet, a fancy fake diamond ring.

I also went to church with my sister that night. It was a weird experience, but my niece asked and there was free food so.

friday: I went to town by myself because I had been stuck in this house. I went to Starbucks twice, got some good lunch, bought a doozie cookie and a Polo shirt, and just drove around. I was going to see the 1D movie but it wasn't showing for at least an hour past time I wanted to leave, so I just went and got some red nail polish and pink lip gloss and left.


and that's all I have the energy for right now. so tired.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

so I skipped all of August, but like. August sucked, yo.

my dad was in the hospital for two weeks, he got home and still wasn't well, then I immediately went to my grandmother's because she had double knee replacement and needed someone to stay with her. I was there for two weeks. FINALLY LEFT THAT HELLHOLE OMG. My grandmother doesn't believe in things like air conditioning and ice cream and fluffy towels. I don't know how we are related honestly.

then I came home to find that my dad sold some land and got some money and now we are redoing the house. again. mom got a sectional for our room and can lights and it's great. and daddy decided to get the floors redone and that's shit and paint. and that's shit.

because the floors are inconvenient and I have to do the painting. :(

my sister went to college. she moved into her dorm and everything and left me here with our parents and her psycho dog.

well maybe he's not that crazy. he's just lonely now. poor bb.

my other sister enrolled her children in online public school. I think it's working. idk. they are so weird right now.

and Tana. holy shit Tana is a mess. she's getting divorced and got a boyfriend and decided to move in with him and it's all just fucking ridiculous.

I don't like her boyfriend, I don't like her decisions, I don't like her attitude, but I haven't said anything beyond 'make sure you take some of that money from the sale of your house and put it back in case this doesn't work out for you.'

I've seen her once in the past month. and I had to go to her. I'm kind of over it. I'm her best friend when it's convenient? or when she needs some sort of free armchair psychiatrist help? or she's bored? I'm not here for that. we've been friends for six years and this is the first time I've felt like she's deliberately cutting me out of things.

I've had polish on my nails consistently for three weeks. they are now getting too long for me to function. as a compulsive nail biter, the fact that some of them have grown over the tips of my fingers is weird.

let's see. I got new glasses. I got snapchat. I got tickets to a Blackhawks game. I got vertigo. (which sucks hardcore.) I got new dresses. I got a dell tablet. I got my room back. I got a cake because I wanted a white cake and I looked cute and decided it was my 'because I'm fucking awesome' cake. I got Generation Kill on DVD. I got a snowcone today.

I still haven't seen the new Star Trek. But I did get to see Pacific Rim. so there's that.

I'm getting my hair colored on Friday. and my mom let me order purple cheetah print leggings.

I could do the rundown of all the places I am? I guess I will. Since I rarely post pictures here anymore. I'm probably going to have to stop doing it on tumblr since I keep getting this once creepy fat fetishist guy always commenting on how chubby and pretty I am. Look, dude. I'm fat. I passed chubby when I was twelve and I don't need your comments on anything. Quit being weird. ugh.

welp. on that note. :D

time to go eat some cake and read some fic and convince mema it's time to go to bed.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

so if you follow me on twitter, you'll know what's been up with me recently. honestly, i don't do anything except take care of mema and fold clothes and read and text some people. i'm so boring.

anyway.

yesterday my dad went to the hospital. he has this. (i can't pronounce it. also do not click that if you have a problem with eyes.) and thursday night and subsequently yesterday morning, he was unable to talk because his tongue was swollen and then starting having trouble swallowing so he called in to work and called his neurologist. they told him to go to the ER immediately, so they did. then they admitted him because if he was going to be on the steroid, he'd have to be monitored. his neurologist came by last night while my sister and i were there and told us that he'd ordered a CAT scan to rule out him having a tumor and that he was upping all his meds and continuing the prednisone.

this afternoon while my other sister and i were visiting and taking them new clothes and whatnot, they came back and said that the results of the CAT scan were that he had a blood clot in his lung but no tumor. then he had an ultrasound on his legs so they could see if the muscle problem and swelling he was having was what threw the clot. and it was.

so now he's also on a blood thinner that he has to be monitored for and it's taken precedence over his other stuff.

we don't know when he'll be home.

he's basically had this MG since he started radiation and we only caught it and had a neurologist check him out because his eye was basically non-functioning and he was having migraines.

ugh.

so jamie and i are taking care of mema by ourselves and she won't sleep and we are having the worst time dealing with her.

and it's only day two of the hospital visit. yeesh.

also, tomorrow is daddy's birthday. so we bought some funny cards and a cupcake and are going to take it up there to him tomorrow.

we aren't having a great time but it could be worse, i guess. he could be incapacitated by the muscle problem. he could have died from the blood clot if they hadn't found it incidentally on his CAT scan.

so that's where we are. back and forth to the hospital in the next big town over, my mom spending the night there with my dad because he has the memory of a goldfish and can't really do much himself, and me and jamie watching mema and basically having the worst time of it since she won't listen to either of us or even sleep.

ugh again.

and my mom called my sister just now and basically said all the wrong things and now i'm super pissed off. i can't even deal.

i'm going to watch the hockey game and pretend that my entire life isn't being determined by other people and that things don't suck.

yay.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

-mema is not doing well. she had to go to the ER on friday because we thought she was having a kidney problem. turns out she was, once again, (EVERYONE NOW) dehydrated. but also she has to have an MRI on wednesday because she quite possibly messed up her back when she fell.

she's also not sleeping. there are three of us, but my sister is about to start school, so. we're up mostly when she's up and monitoring her when we're all lying down.

-fandom_stocking went live today so that's fun. i wrote four things of varying length and fandom, and when my be_compromised exchange is revealed tomorrow, i'll gather everything up into a convenient link spree.

-had a vanilla coke tonight. haven't been to sonic in forever. i'm sure i've been to this one since it had partially burned, but i can't remember. yeesh. anyway. it was soooo good that i wonder why i don't always get them. oh right. because mcdonald's sweet tea is better and only a dollar at any time of day.

-you ever watch captain america and wonder after steve gets all serumed up and buff and starts running after that guy that's a dwarf with his manpris and fake hobbit feet down the road that steve has no idea how to run properly and he can't corner for shit and it's super adorable and heartbreaking like everything steve rogers is because that means steve's never even TRIED to take a corner at a full out run and maybe he's sat around thinking about running but always on a straightaway or something and then when he jumps in the water you just KNOW he's never been swimming because he'd drown omg?

anyone else? just me then?



-thank you for answering my poll about werewooves. :D my mother can't say the L in wolf and i was wonder if that was just her, just her accent, if y'all knew of anyone else that said that. thought i'd ask so i could take it back to her and be like LOOK YOU FAIL AT LANGUAGE. ENUNCIATE, WOMAN.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

Wow okay. I complained about Christmas and then left lol. Typical.

Our internet expired very early last month because my sister, the genius, decided to play her Pandora Christmas station for three days and use it up even before the 20th.

Speaking of that, our electricity went out very early that morning and stayed out for about eighteen hours. It was a grand time. And my sister, the genius's, birthday.

Mema fell that night. Not because no electricity. Just because she fell. We still aren't sure why. The next day we had to take her to the ER and go get my other grandmother from the train station and then I had two grandmothers and my other sister's kids and Christmas and hating everyone and movies and no internet and yeah.

Such is life.

In all that chaos, I did manage to write two Yuletide stories. The first time I've ever participated. I'm glad I did.

Intermediate Interpersonal Relations which is about Shirley and Britta's friendship in Community.

and.

Bar Humbug which is about Faye from Questionable Content being Faye at Christmas.

I also wrote Diamonds on Playing Cards which is basically a Clint/Natasha missing scene for avengersfest. I really like how that turned out.

Especially since I started it several times and one of those restarts gave me my current Clint/Coulson apartment AU that I currently have open so I can get to 10K some time very soon.

I don't know when that will be since I'm also writing a Teen Wolf-shaped thing for eilan.

The only thing that's missing is my Clint/Natasha exchange fic, and that's because the name's haven't been revealed.

Oh! And all the tiny things I wrote for random fandom_stockings.

Let's see. Other news. I've watched Bourne Legacy and Pitch Perfect more times in the past few days than is probably healthy, but what are you gonna do?

I don't make resolutions, those aren't my thing. I also don't really make goals. The fewer goals I set out to achieve, the more I actually get around to doing things and thus surpassing what would have been a goal anyway.

2013 isn't really going to be the year that I get my shit together anyway. It's an odd number, my birthday is going to land me at an age that is numerically displeasing to me, and I don't feel the needs to start changing myself. On further inspection, I never feel that need. So. Yeah.

I am going to find a job because, well job. That's the only thing that NEEDS to happen. ALL CAPS. NEEDS.

I think I'll coast along until 2014 and see how well I do with this year. I didn't do so bad last year. I mean, I didn't have a job except to take care of Mema which is harder work than I'm used to, but it wasn't anything spectacular.

2014 is going to be an even year and I'll be a multiple of five-years old. That's scary.

I think the only thing I'll wish for 2013 is that I'm not always as lonely as I was last year.

And now, back to writing things so I can get these WIPs cleaned out already.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.

-My niece and nephew are playing Fruit Ninja on the XBox right now and my nephew keeps randomly dancing up on people. I do not know where he learned that, but he needs to unlearn it for real.

This game is hilarious though.

We're going to Dance Central in here in just a bit. Can't wait. I need to find my sneakers though.

-I had a dream last night about weesaw and gisforgreen. I'm not sure why KL wasn't involved? But anyway, Sebastian Stan was showing us how to use a juicer or something? IDK. and he blew this powdery stuff in my face like he was actually Jefferson and I had an allergic reaction. Lisa offered to drive me to the hospital and Danielle laughed at me, but Sebastian Stan was like, hey, I own an ambulance, we can put on the sirens. And my face was swollen all to hell, but I was still trying to flirt with him and he pushed my hair off my forehead. Then Danielle tried to choke us both with a scarf and I woke up.

Danielle is my best friend, y'all.

-I should really read a book. Any suggestions?

-My sister bought our dog a jacket at the store today. A jacket. For our dog. That lives outside. She's so ridiculous. Poor Mr. Bingley. Now he looks dumb. But you can't tell him that because he is strutting around like he got a new coat of fur or something. I love that tiny dachshund. And it is going to be cold tonight. :(

-Mema is walking around without pants. I have to go investigate this and figure out where her clothes went. Oh, geez.

Also posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever.