New friends and potential new friends :)))


Sooooooo...who the fuck am I?


My name is Michelle, and I'm a very passionate, enthusiastic individual ( two words you can describe me would be those) who loves life. I was born and raised in the California Bay Area, attended school there, lived at home for almost 26 years, and moved to Reno in 2000 after my parents retired here in 1996. I live alone with cats, and I am very much a loner, comfortable with myself, and love solitude and HATE DRAMA.

I'm also a recovering drug addict, and have spent time in jail and prison for drug-related charges. I will sometimes still talk about prison and jail, and how it changed my life for the better, making me stronger, kinder, and giving me a new outlook on life.

PEOPLE I MENTION OFTEN : My parents, Mom and Pop, my fiancee/common law husband who is in Colorado now, Walter, and a few other friends in my life.

I used to have a cat, Gangsta, for 19 years, who passed last end of July 2019, then Miss Sauce, a princess of a Snowshoe I adopted from the Humane Society in August of 2019 who was shortly after diagnosed with stage 4 cancer after I bought her home, but was happy, active, and a little crazy. She passed over the bridge of heart failure on January 8th of this year.


On January 30th I adopted a little Siamese mix Neehye, my Lil Bit street urchin, born January 2019-May 30th 2021, who died of complications of antifreeze poisoning with stage 3 kidney failure after I bought him home ( may that person suffer from ther karma one day)


MY NEWEST BOYZ
Chang and Eng




OTHER THINGS ABOUT ME: I worked as an exotic dancer for years, had great adventures doing it and made lots of money, I own my own home, I recently began competing in amateur bodybuilding contests and will continue that in natural contests until I reach my goal of being a pro and getting my pro card!)

POLITICALLY:
I am open-minded with mostly very liberal views, but I RESPECT ALL VIEWS. I only ASK ONE THING: do not bring personal politics here on my journal. I don't care if you keep it on yours, but please keep it off mine. Once in a blue moon I might mention a political topic and ask your opinions but for the most part, I'm not into it every day.

*******I do not care if you are purple, pink, black, white, gay, straight, pansexual, vegan, meat-eater...I care only that you are a nice person and you respect my friends here and myself. ********



INTERESTS: Betta fish, CATS, books of just about any genre but I LOVE horror, true crime, history fiction, biography, ethnic studies and fiction, science fiction, and general fiction. I also love the American Civil War and all military movies/ books on World War II, Vietnam, you name it.

MUSIC: metal, new wave, old school rap and R and B, Prince, and I love FLAMENCO music, opera, old jazz, classic old country, reggae, salsa and mariachi.

MOVIES: Any war movie like Private Ryan, Gettysburg, Platoon, U 571, etc. HORROR movies are another huge favorite, as is Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, action and adventure, martial arts ( The Grandmaster, Ip Man movies) really, anything EXCEPT chick flicks and romantic comedies. I hate those. Boring. I also like independent films, foreign films and series, and simple, true to life dramas.

TV SHOWS AND SERIES : ALL TRUE CRIME, shows, series such as MINDHUNTER, and prison shows/dramas such as Death Row Stories, the Innocence Project series, and Locked Up, CSI, Hawaii 5-0, and I was and am still hooked on CINEMAX'S WARRIOR series about the 1878-1882 Chinese tong wars in San Fransisco, but a great look into the life of Chinese immigrants and citizens at the time.

HOBBIES: WORKING OUT and COMPETING, collecting commissioned mermaids, writing, pen pal-ing/snail mail letters, blogging, nature walks/ nature in general, photography ( I always post pics LOL), dream journaling, decorating, museums, art.


Pictures:

Sauce the Princess ( RIP SAUCE...February 2015-January 8th, 2021)


BETTA TYSON *named after Tyson Fury the boxer*


RIP 7/2021

NEW BETTA HECTOR. Named for Hector Macho Camacho



My beloved old Gangsta RIP Born April 2000-July 2019



Me





Walter and I



Mermaids and POTC pirates



A recent mermaid addition from the collection:


A look into my house, the style and art:

Mural by Lisa Atoji, my good friend of 24 years

Entry from the front door:



And lastly my beloved Mom and Pop, now 90 years young

Hi new friends! If people could describe me in two words they would say: PASSIONATE and HONEST.

Just an introduction to who I am and what I'm about :)

My name is Michelle, and I'm a 51 year old fitness enthusiast and all-around passionate, positive strong woman. I'm also a recovering drug addict who was addicted to pills, primarily painkillers and benzos). I'll be blunt and say I also have issues with depression, insomnia, and anxiety. One of the many reasons I love LJ is because folks here tend to be very open-minded and are able to discuss their issues without the fear of being judged.

Here's what you need to know about me on my blog:

1. I have talked about my past in great detail, including entries recently that talk about my prison sentence for drug-related violations ( I served 15 months total with 14 months on parole, and I was gone from LJ for 2 years off and on) and my stint as an exotic dancer which began after I graduated college and lasted for many years. I've also worked as a personal trainer but lost my certification due to my drug conviction felony. I've also worked briefly as a dominatrix ( BDSM) so I'm very open to alternative lifestyles and any sexual orientation. I do not judge.

2. People in my life that I talk often about include WALTER, my fiancee of five years whom I met on parole, my parents referred to as "MOM AND POP" whom I am very close to because I am an only child and live a mile away from them, " SAUCE" my current Snowshoe cat, and my past cat I lost some months ago, my beloved 19 year old Gangsta, the Triple OG! Oh and my betta fish, VALENTINA :)


3. I don't care what race/color/creed/religion/sexual orientation you are, as long as you're a good person, you're welcome here. I will ask that politics please be kept off my journal though because I'm not a very political person. I have a combination of opinions and views, but I don't talk about them here. This is my personal daily blog.


4. I love books of most genres, art, history, cats and animals in general, betta fish, music of all sorts ( opera, New Wave, metal, R and B, etc), fitness/dieting ( I recently converted to veganism), bodybuilding/weightlifting, skincare/bodycare, fashion to an extent, travel, and I LOVE LEARNING about different cultures! I COLLECT custom-made mermaid sculpts...that's my hobby. I'm also a new student to the art of aquascaping, and I've recently decided to try circus aerial arts as a workout :)


I'll tell you guys why I am still here on LJ and so dedicated to the community and friends here. When I was incarcerated in county jail shortly before I was shipped off to prison, because I was a daily poster and commenter, some friends here worried about why my journal was 'dead' for three weeks. A good LJ friend went and searched for me, having my full name, in the hospitals and the jail here. She found me in jail and sent me a postcard.

Through her, I gave her my password and was able to update my journal with the prison and jail addresses as to where I was. I was astonished at the number of friends who sent cards, postcards, letters, and artwork to me constantly. I received mail from LJ friends from the UK, too, and I cannot tell you how touched I was by this. I can never forget this kindness, and that's why I've been here so long. It's really my only social media. I don't do anything else but have a small FB account which I rarely use. THIS is my place.


Welcome to my world :)

Photos:

Me



Sauce my cat


Gangsta my old Triple OG


Walter and I



Valentina



Mom and Pop: 87 and 88 years young:



THE MERMAID ROOM

I just realized, or maybe it just sort of kicked in, after twelve years of being here on LJ, I should have stickied an introductory post for new friends. Or if anything changes obviously for old friends. Over the years I've watched this place go from hopping to sometimes barely alive, but it still lives, and while many have ditched this place for FB * ugh * and other venues, I'm here and always will be as long as it's around. It's a place where I feel there IS a real sense of community. And it's also proof that online friendships can and do make a difference. I update daily or at the very least, 4 times a week, and I always try to comment and be active in everyone's journals.


1. My name is Michelle and I'm from Reno, Nevada. Originally born in the SF Bay Area. I'm 51 years young.

2. People I will mention most: Walter, my fiancee, whom I am in a long-distance relationship with ( I will explain in the next post).

My Mom and Pop...Mary and David, old vibrant souls of 87 and 88, who live right down the road from me.

Sauce: my current Snowshoe cat, Gangsta, my old cat that passed a few months ago at 19. I miss the little guy a lot.

Mostly though I keep friends and other family members anonymous. I own my own home, never wanted kids, and I worked in various adult industry venues, primarily dancing, for years. It opened my eyes to a lot of things, earned me a lot of money, and in many ways served a positive role in my life. Later I traded my dancing heels for personal training gym shoes :)




3. I will also talk about being a recovering addict, and I will talk about being incarcerated: I spent time behind bars in state prison ( out of state drug charges) in Colorado because I am a recovering addict and I always will be. I did 15 months total time being extradited through four states before settling in to do state time and spent a year on parole in that state, which IS WHERE I MET MY FIANCEE, hence, the long-distance relationship.

4. I have mild anxiety and depression issues that I take meds for. I have no problems talking openly about my issues here. I AM AT HEART AN INTROVERT.

I love being alone, spending time doing solo things. Reading, writing, surfing online, art, poetry, literature, history all interest me. Philosiphy. Fantasy and horror. Civil War/Antebellum stuff. Movies and series. Serial killers ( OK, not sure what that says about ME). I love cats. I LOVE MERMAIDS and have a whole roomful of them. I love nature and the beach and the woods. I love Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Clive Barker, horror anthologies and collections, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, war movies of all sorts, ( Platoon, Private Ryan, Midway, etc). MUSIC: anything but new country. I'll listen to opera, heavy metal and rock, punk, New Wave, R and B...as long as it has a good beat, I'm dancin to it :P

5. I work out a lot. I mostly lift weights but I am getting back into cycling and running more. That's my therapy and my salvation and my addiction :P. I eat Paleo, I am not a vegan but I do consume a good deal of my protein in vegan products. I really, really watch my sugar and dairy intake and bad carb intake. I can get paranoid about this!


6. POLITICS AND RELIGION: One thing I must emphasize. I don't care if you post an occasional political thought, but if you're overly political, please keep it off my journal. I have my political views but I don't impose them on anyone, and I am accepting of ALL faiths, ALL views, and basically adhere to this: as long as you are not hurting anyone, it's all good with me. There are many different paths to spiritual freedom and enlightenment. My mother is Buddhist, my dad Baptist, I am a lazy zen Catholic. And, I don't care what sexual orientation you are. As long as you're human and you're basically good, it's cool with me. And, yes, we can agree with disagree on things but all I ask is be respectful and civil and I will do the same. I sure as shit don't expect everyone to agree with ME, I'd be scared for the world if they did :P.


Just be nice, be appreciative, and enjoy :) I've been here 12 years. I ain't going nowhere else.
Annnnnd this is me, at my favorite place:




Annnnd this is Sauce



Old Gangsta RIP summer 2019 age 19

My bettas, Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson the red male, ( all of mine are named for UFC fighters and boxers) and the female blue betta, Valentina after Valentina Shervenko.






MY HONEY WALTER AND I


SOME OF MY MERMAIDS!!!!!

Originally posted by caboodleranch at A VERY URGENT APPEAL

Cat or dog? And why in a few short words?

I was talking to Missy tonight after work ( we got off earlier and went to eat at Applebee's, our favorite appetizer and two entries for 20 bucks, can't go wrong with that!) and was telling her you know, I've been away from home for a long time. I'm going to ask the judge to grant me permission to leave Colorado and go home to Reno for a few weeks, to get 'reoriented' back home and just so I can see my parents, other friends and my cats (!) and then come back and do my jail time ( if probation is revoked as I wish it to be). The judge has always been fair to me and he could have easily kept me in that jail instead of letting me go on personal recognizance without bail. I've always made every court date when this case was active, turned myself in on the warrant, and am not a flight risk. And, I'll mention to him that my dad DID have a heart attack.


I just feel like I've been away for so long. I only had five days home before I left and came here on March 27th. If I go home for a few weeks, coming back and doing my jail time will be much easier on me I think. No matter how long I have to serve. PKTAXWENCH: that book list is always changing LOL. I added a couple new ones to it.


Then, the plan is, after I get out of jail, I go back to work here for a while, get my face lasered, save more money, and then come home for a while( I want to stay home at least a MONTH before touring again.

But that's an idea. It all depends on what the judge says, but I do have high hopes that he will let me go home to 'get my things in order'. I just need a break, I really do, from staying in a hotel ( and Missy has been a Godsend but no matter how good a friend is, your own home, your own family and pets, that's the foundation of anyone's life, you know). Today I ended up riding the bike for 18 miles, and that's in addition to working! A girl took a serious tumble on the floor in heels JUST LIKE THE ONES IN MY ICON. Here's to every stripper who fell down on stage or on the floor. Those heels can be dangerous! I'm not joking. I mean it's funny and we're always laughing about accidents, but tripping and falling in those platforms ( platforms are far more stable than people think, but it's 7 or 8 inches off the ground) can cause serious injury.


I dare a guy to walk in those.


Just for laughs, I read in the local newspaper ( called TIDBITS of Douglas County...by the way, I was featured in there when I was arrested way back in May 2010...they do that apparently because there's so little arrests here. I should have saved that copy and posted it here on LJ! Yes, I made it to the Big League, Douglas County's Most Wanted haha) where there were two young men who got caught by cops throwing beer bottles at women. Their punishment? The judge gave them a choice: EITHER STAY SIXTY DAYS IN JAIL OR DRESS UP AS A WOMAN FOR AN HOUR AND WALK AROUND LIKE THAT DOWNTOWN. They chose the latter. Hell, if I was given a choice of dressing up like a GUY versus spending sixty days in jail I sure as shit would do it. I just thought it was an odd but funny punishment. I guess the judge felt they were disrespecting the women by throwing beer bottles. He most likely would not have offered the option if they had been tossing bottles at other dudes. :P

...they take you to their dermatologist to get a cosmetic procedure and end up almost breaking your hands by squeezing them because of the pain. Haha.

Well, Missy and I decided to use some of our hard-earned money ( since I sent home plenty and have enough already to pay for the hotel and have plenty of money for my books depending on what happens on the 23rd...I am pushing my attorney big-time for that revocation) to get some cosmetic procedures done. Since both of us are going to be 44 soon ( hey, mine is April 27th, her's is August 27th) our idea is that we don't really want that full face lift when we're 50, so it's best to get little treatments done now.

I haven't been able to afford anything for nearly 18 months, and so I figured while the money is good, I'm going to invest in myself. I already posted an entry about coloring my hair for the very first time to get rid of those pesky gray hairs that keep popping up with more and more frequent regularity, and in the past, once a year ( and only once a year, it's all I need and I don't ever want to end up looking frozen or fake like so MANY of the celebrities in their attempt to fight time) I would get Botox injected into my forehead and where the frown lines usually show up. Because I've taken scrupulous care of my body and skin through the years ( despite all the sun and tanning salons I've gone to) and because of GENETICS, I do look a decade younger than 44. None of the girls in jail believed me about that and most people who see my photos or see me in person think I'm still in my early 30's.

Now don't get me wrong. As I age, I have no plans on wanting to look '30' when I'm 60. But I sure as shit am going to get things done within reason. My looks have always been part of my identity ( although in truth, it is a transitory thing, and essentially meaningless if you are not a good person with a good heart. Beauty IS more than skin deep. An ugly, mean or cruel personality makes a physically beautiful person uglier than anything else ever could). And beauty to me first and foremost does mean my health ( hence, working out, trying to eat right).


My dermatologist in Reno charges a LOT of money for procedures because she has a huge overhead with a very large, modern office and a staff of about 15 to 20 people. The price for two syringes of Botox is 600 dollars. At the doctor here in Denver ( specifically about a half hour away from where Missy lives and where I am staying) he has a small staff, a very small office, and so his prices are about half if not more than half, of what I normally would pay. And he's not some crock doctor, his credentials are sterling and he has a huge following.


So we went in and got Botox ( that cost me only 150 dollars versus 300 for the amount of units. He does it very differently than my regular dermatologist.Rather than shoot an entire syringe in one area, he does different areas of the forehead and the brow area, as well as near the sides of the eye area to give a more refreshed look. THE WHOLE POINT of this is NOT to look 'fake' but rather, to me, well-rested) done. Poor Missy HATES the pain and she squeezed my hands so tightly that I have a bruise LOL on one hand.


So you KNOW you're good pals with someone when you can sit there and watch them get injected with this shit. We also both got injections of JUVADERM PLUS. A long time ago bovine and rooster comb collagen were the primary fillers for nasal labial wrinkles. Botox does not work for those areas, only on the forehead, the crows feet, and frown lines between the eyes. Juvaderm comes in two forms, one is more liquid and the other more viscous ( thicker). The one we got ( which normally would cost me 600 for a syringe, cost 400 here) is the thicker version which lasts for about a year and has instant results. But Missy, being very fair-skinned, bruised very darkly immediately. I don't like needles ( who does!!) but for cosmetic purposes, I'll endure it. And this doctor already mixes the Novocain with the filler material inside the syringe, so you don't feel much. I noticed some slight bruising near my nose, but it's easily covered for me with makeup since I'm darker.


In all, what should have cost 1100 cost me less than 600. My next item on the list is a special laser treatment, the very first that is SAFE FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR ( lasers and chemical peels are great for fair-skinned people, who do tend to wrinkle much faster than darker skin, but darker skin like mine is easily scarred and easily discolored by keloids and marks) and particularly Asians. I learned that Asians have the most sensitive and easily discolored skin of all the races. And the doctor here in Denver is Vietnamese so he totally knows what my concerns are.


FRAXEL is a laser that penetrates the skin without destroying it like old lasers. You will look sunburned and chapped for about four days, then everything heals rapidly from within. Over time, dark circles and hyperpigmented freckles and spots ( which I am getting now, because of sun damage, although it's minimal) disappear and collagen is stimulated, producing a younger look and a 'glow' to the face rather than an aggressively used laser that totally rips off your face and makes you look like something from HELLRAISER movies. I saw before and after photos of Asian patients and I was thrilled with those results. Back home in Reno, ONE Fraxel treatment is 900 dollars. This doctor charges 500, and he has a new advanced version of Fraxel where it's equivalent to 3 treatments of the older version.


So when I serve my time, when I get out, I'm staying at Missy's and working, and I'm going to do the Fraxel. I figured if it's less expensive with double the results, this is a good thing. I'm SO glad she recommended this doctor, she's been going to him for five years now. Again, I'm not looking for that fake ass look that horrifies me when I see over-done celebrities or even people I can 'tell' have had cosmetic procedures. I look at this as 'fine-tuning' maintenance. I looked in the mirror and I don't look 'drastically different', but you could say that I look like I definitely am refreshed and well-rested. For myself, doing these things are extra important, especially if I want to keep working.


After all this, the next step is to save money to get a new garage door, new carpets, and repaint the interior of my house, and I'd honestly say I could consider selling it and buying that little condo. In all I think it's safe to say that at this point in my life, I want a higher quality of life, not more material goods. And paying cash for a condo I could call my own with no mortgage to ever worry about and leaving thus more room to save even more money for my future, I can live with that. Fuck yeah.

At Missy's last night I had a nightmare that was so vivid that I woke up thinking, I must be in prison. I'm sure it's all the anxiety and the stress that I felt and even more stress now that I have to 'wait another week' for court ( but in truth I felt it would be better since it would be my original sentencing judge AND my attorney will be there). The dream began with me in front of a different judge who sentenced me to 'three years in prison' ( state penitentiary were the exact words in my dream). I remember falling down and crying on the courtroom floor, screaming that I could not do that, that in 'three years my parents could be dead'. I was hysterical in this dream and they wouldn't let me call my parents. I was taken away and put on this crowded bus with some of the ugliest, meanest women ( certainly not representational of women in prison or jail).

We were taken away to this very crowded holding 'area' in which we sat down on narrow benches and a woman came out and began searching our hair for lice. She took a scalpel and literally tore out one girl's hair and scalped her to 'search' for this lice. I remember hiding as best I could next to some other girl, and then we were taken yet again to another room in which there were lots of phones. We were allowed then to call home and I frantically could not remember my parent's phone number. I tried and tried to dial and kept forgetting, and finally when I DID get hold of them, we got cut off as I explained I'd have to be in prison for 3 years.


Somehow the dream 'fast forwarded' and I found myself running and escaping to a bad area of what appeared to be a big city. I was driving my Mercedes though, and driving fast, but the police saw me and started chasing me, and I had no choice but to give myself up. As they were putting me in a squad car I managed to slip out of the handcuffs and escape once again, to find myself in a part of this city that had primarily Asian people in it. A lot of the Asian people pointed their fingers in various directions to help me to run away but every where they pointed, I saw the police. The last thing I remember was in this dream I had gone into a large department store, hoping to find some refuge there, but I saw these plainclothes police officers coming through the back doors and handcuffing me. THEN I woke up.


Scary dreams seem to last forever. When I fell back asleep again, I had some odd dreams, including one in which PKTAXWENCH had a pet turtle and a snake LOLOL and put me in what was like a hyperbaric oxygen chamber before I found myself in a strip club with some odd rock band in it, and finding myself back in my old neighborhood where all the people who lived in the houses I remember were completely different (once again a throwback to the past)...and then the alarm went off LOL.


I am not working today and there apparently is supposed to be some bad weather next week so I hope it won't impede work too badly, although I am happy with what I have already earned :)

So I should tell you the obvious...that if you don't see me posting after tomorrow, you know where I'm at :P. I basically have no control over what the judge will say. He may agree to revoke my probation and then he may not, while my goal is to have it revoked and serve time, I think I can see the positive regardless of whatever happens.

PXTAXWENCH: I am preparing a book list of about 15 paperback books ( you can purchase them all 'new' it doesn't matter to me to pay 'more money' even though they have cheaper used versions) and inboxing you with that. When and if I get to jail, I'll call my dad and have him give you the heads up to order them all at once. That way we can save on shipping, and I can read them at leisure.