In which my blog wanders away from gaming and writing again

“There is an inherent generosity to the human spirit, and one of its faces is the face of the teacher”

– Michael Crichton

I like to teach. In many ways I got into gaming because I liked to teach – and learn. I love learning new rules and I love explaining them to new people. I love GMing because I love explaining rules and settings and stories and genres.

If you want to put it cynically, I like feeling smart, and teaching is a great way to do that. For a variety of reasons.

For one, the teacher gets to learn. As the old saw goes, the teacher always learns more than the student. The art of taking facts in your brain and sorting them into a way to express them so you can lead someone to them and through them to understanding demands a greater synthesis and understanding of those facts than you possessed before, and seeing knowledge in another’s eyes reflects back on your own providing greater clarity and depth.  But perhaps the greatest thing you learn is that you can teach, that you have knowledge. Sometimes you don’t know that, until you teach it. You can understand on some academic level that you have accumulated facts and experiences and memories and grasped how things work but until you teach, you don’t realize that all of this adds up to the magic of something more than information: to the power of knowledge and the wonder of wisdom.

To teach is to comprehend the existence of something within you you did not, until that moment fully understand, and have it recognized and valued and certified instantly. Anyone can think they know something, but if you can teach it, then you cannot be doubted.

I did not know what I knew about Kickstarters. But after watching a good many gaming and RPG ones succeed – and succeed madly! – and taking part in some of that madness, not once but twice, well, three actually since we should count all crowdfunding sites, and running my own successfully to get start up funds for The MESSAGE, my movement to make gaming men make their hobby more accommodating to women … and being the kind of person who watches closely and carefully as things happen, it turns out that after all that I knew rather a lot. And I was able to teach it to someone, who has also taught it to someone else. My knowledge was not unique, but it was the only collection of that knowledge accessible to someone who needed it – an accessibility made possible by the generosity of a teacher but even more so by the curiosity of the student.

That student runs Tea Tree Oil For Good, which is one of the greatest ideas ever: a program which exists to sell products and make money which then entirely funds charities, so said charities can do their work without worrying about the income stream, and the products can get sold by people trying to make money without balancing their work with charity. Freeing up charities to be run by people who know exactly how best to spend money and income to be generated by people who know how to generate money, on a systematic level, is an absolute game changer. Tea Tree Oil has a plan not to back just one charity but a thousand in Australia alone, and then on, eventually, to other countries. Each project can change thousands of lives, and they can change other lives. Millions of ripples, going out, from me, from teacher to student to kickstarter to Tea Tree Oils operation to all the charities it funds to the lives it recreates and the new worlds it builds. A million ripples becoming a tsunami of change, but every drop in that gigantic wave connected too, through Tea Tree’s Ripple Effect project which allows, through the magic of the internet, every single person who buys just one product to see where their money goes down to an individual level. So no more worrying about greenwashing or dumping money into a great big black hole and hoping it goes somewhere.

So this is me, casting out my ripple, my introduction of knowledge, to see where it goes. The thing about ripples, though, is they go in both directions. When a ripple hits anything, even another ripple, it bounces back to its origin. What we send out comes back not just in the knowledge of the work it can do, but in reinforcing ourselves. Like I said, I discovered I knew a lot. And I plan to use that when we run a second crowdfunding campaign for the MESSAGE later this year. We also plan to link the MESSAGE into Tea Tree’s income stream, so The MESSAGE can finally travel around Australia to boost the signal, and much more. There may also be other ways I will be crossing streams with Tea Tree, for the benefit of everyone. We will see.

When there are things to buy, and ways for others to send out ripples more simply and directly, I will let you know. For the moment though, just some good news about the future, and a reminder to everyone that teaching is good for us. Even if it is just a new game, or a new setting, or a new adventure. Even if its just to make you feel smart. It is inherently generous, and it sends out ripples of ideas. And that always makes things better.

Gamer Message is Live!

The wonderful Mr Regis has reminded me that I posted about the MESSAGE website everywhere but on this blog. If you want to become part of our movement (and buy some merchandise to help spread the word) point your browsers and faces at: www.gamermessage.com
We have blog entries every Tuesday (Monday in the US), and guest bloggers once a month!

Miguel Cervantes on Male Entitlement Issues

If The MESSAGE was up, I’d post this there but it’s too good to wait. So most of us saw Wil Wheaton’s tumblr link about the girl who was blamed for being pretty and exposed to incredible violence and hatred for it, because how dare she be pretty yet not be responsive to being hit on or looked at. We all know this syndrome. We may even be worried that it is getting worse; that the general entitlement of modern times or the way the internet fosters bad behaviour into cult philosophies has made this problem rise to new heights.

Then again, maybe it’s always been this god-awful. A friend of mine was reading Miguel Cervantes’ Don Quixote and has just reached Chapter 14.  In this chapter (which you can read in full, along with the whole book, here) we hear Chrysostom’s verses. Chrysostom the poet fell in love with beautiful Marcela, for she was so fair, and soon all the men in the village did the same. Not loving any of them, and not wanting them to pine for her in vain, Marcela left the village and fled into the wilderness to become a shepherdess.

She was however, followed and pined for some more, and when she still rebuffed Chrysostom, he apparently died from the wound (I think he might be faking, I haven’t read it). He left behind poetry to tell of how his great, enduring love had led him to be cruelly slain when it was not returned. Marcela, sad that he should die, comes to the grave to find the other men reading Chrysostom’s verses, and one of them (named Ambroisa) accuses her of being cold and wicked for leading him to die like that.

Marcela, being awesome, is not about to take that shit from these assholes, and decides to tell them so. To tell them they can stick their entitlement jackassery up their asses, because it’s not her fault she was pretty, and not her fault she didn’t love any one of them, and she even left the goddamn village to stop this nonsense, and she’s not about to be blamed for anything she didn’t do. Except Mr Cervantes has her being more poetic, so I’ll hand over to him to show you how the feminist smackdown was done in the 16th Century:

“I come not, Ambrosia for any of the purposes thou hast named,” replied Marcela, “but to defend myself and to prove how unreasonable are all those who blame me for their sorrow and for Chrysostom’s death; and therefore I ask all of you that are here to give me your attention, for will not take much time or many words to bring the truth home to persons of sense. Heaven has made me, so you say, beautiful, and so much so that in spite of yourselves my beauty leads you to love me; and for the love you show me you say, and even urge, that I am bound to love you. By that natural understanding which God has given me I know that everything beautiful attracts love, but I cannot see how, by reason of being loved, that which is loved for its beauty is bound to love that which loves it; besides, it may happen that the lover of that which is beautiful may be ugly, and ugliness being detestable, it is very absurd to say, “I love thee because thou art beautiful, thou must love me though I be ugly.” But supposing the beauty equal on both sides, it does not follow that the inclinations must be therefore alike, for it is not every beauty that excites love, some but pleasing the eye without winning the affection; and if every sort of beauty excited love and won the heart, the will would wander vaguely to and fro unable to make choice of any; for as there is an infinity of beautiful objects there must be an infinity of inclinations, and true love, I have heard it said, is indivisible, and must be voluntary and not compelled. If this be so, as I believe it to be, why do you desire me to bend my will by force, for no other reason but that you say you love me? Nay—tell me—had Heaven made me ugly, as it has made me beautiful, could I with justice complain of you for not loving me? Moreover, you must remember that the beauty I possess was no choice of mine, for, be it what it may, Heaven of its bounty gave it me without my asking or choosing it; and as the viper, though it kills with it, does not deserve to be blamed for the poison it carries, as it is a gift of nature, neither do I deserve reproach for being beautiful; for beauty in a modest woman is like fire at a distance or a sharp sword; the one does not burn, the other does not cut, those who do not come too near. Honour and virtue are the ornaments of the mind, without which the body, though it be so, has no right to pass for beautiful; but if modesty is one of the virtues that specially lend a grace and charm to mind and body, why should she who is loved for her beauty part with it to gratify one who for his pleasure alone strives with all his might and energy to rob her of it? I was born free, and that I might live in freedom I chose the solitude of the fields; in the trees of the mountains I find society, the clear waters of the brooks are my mirrors, and to the trees and waters I make known my thoughts and charms. I am a fire afar off, a sword laid aside. Those whom I have inspired with love by letting them see me, I have by words undeceived, and if their longings live on hope—and I have given none to Chrysostom or to any other—it cannot justly be said that the death of any is my doing, for it was rather his own obstinacy than my cruelty that killed him; and if it be made a charge against me that his wishes were honourable, and that therefore I was bound to yield to them, I answer that when on this very spot where now his grave is made he declared to me his purity of purpose, I told him that mine was to live in perpetual solitude, and that the earth alone should enjoy the fruits of my retirement and the spoils of my beauty; and if, after this open avowal, he chose to persist against hope and steer against the wind, what wonder is it that he should sink in the depths of his infatuation? If I had encouraged him, I should be false; if I had gratified him, I should have acted against my own better resolution and purpose. He was persistent in spite of warning, he despaired without being hated. Bethink you now if it be reasonable that his suffering should be laid to my charge. Let him who has been deceived complain, let him give way to despair whose encouraged hopes have proved vain, let him flatter himself whom I shall entice, let him boast whom I shall receive; but let not him call me cruel or homicide to whom I make no promise, upon whom I practise no deception, whom I neither entice nor receive. It has not been so far the will of Heaven that I should love by fate, and to expect me to love by choice is idle. Let this general declaration serve for each of my suitors on his own account, and let it be understood from this time forth that if anyone dies for me it is not of jealousy or misery he dies, for she who loves no one can give no cause for jealousy to any, and candour is not to be confounded with scorn. Let him who calls me wild beast and basilisk, leave me alone as something noxious and evil; let him who calls me ungrateful, withhold his service; who calls me wayward, seek not my acquaintance; who calls me cruel, pursue me not; for this wild beast, this basilisk, this ungrateful, cruel, wayward being has no kind of desire to seek, serve, know, or follow them. If Chrysostom’s impatience and violent passion killed him, why should my modest behaviour and circumspection be blamed? If I preserve my purity in the society of the trees, why should he who would have me preserve it among men, seek to rob me of it? I have, as you know, wealth of my own, and I covet not that of others; my taste is for freedom, and I have no relish for constraint; I neither love nor hate anyone; I do not deceive this one or court that, or trifle with one or play with another. The modest converse of the shepherd girls of these hamlets and the care of my goats are my recreations; my desires are bounded by these mountains, and if they ever wander hence it is to contemplate the beauty of the heavens, steps by which the soul travels to its primeval abode.”

 

The MESSAGE: Where’s the Fire?

I have been asked, by a wonderful friend of mine and reader of the blog, to provide more examples of the problem. Especially since I’d like the MESSAGE to go out to all gamers, and the example in my video are just a tiny few and all from video gaming. And no offence to the lovely man, but I’m not going to do that. For a few reasons.

Firstly, because I’m just too lazy. Secondly, and more importantly, because I don’t want the MESSAGE to be about that. Everyone is talking about the bad behaviour. Sometimes it seems we’re falling over ourselves to talk about it. We all love to be outraged, and the internet makes it so easy to partake in the theatre of scandal and the rush of mob justice. Which is not to say the outrage isn’t justified or the justice not deserved, just that I don’t want to tread over old ground, or simplify things. It’s too easy and too convenient, and I want to be more intelligent then that. I want to really talk about the issues, not just condemn and move on. I don’t want to condemn anyone, really. I want this to be a safe space for men as well as women, that’s about solving problems not sticking labels on people.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how activism works. I know that even the most concerned and thoughtful person needs to see a problem, be convinced of its real presence, its damaging effects and it’s looming threat before they’ll step up and sign a name or click a button. But here’s the thing: if you don’t already know there’s a problem in ALL gaming, you haven’t been paying attention. And maybe you haven’t. That’s fair. But I bet you know someone who has.

See, I could tell you a bunch of horrible stories, but there’s a much better way to see the problem, and that’s go and get the stories from the source. Go and find a female gamer you know and ask her. Ask her about breathy, handsy guys at conventions and LARPs. Ask her about GMs who have banned them from the table or pretended they didn’t exist. Ask them about the trials of finding decent artwork to represent their character. Ask them about the lewd, rude and crude comments. Ask them about having their character be raped. Ask them about the fawning and the hitting on. Just ask them. Anecdotes aren’t data, but they pack more punch than any data I could show you.

And you must know  a female gamer. Surveys done by Wizards suggest they make up about 25% of the roleplaying industry, and about 20% of the hobby gamer industry in general. They’re over 40% of video gamers and about 70% of cosplayers. Statistically, if you know five gamers, you know a woman who games. If you don’t know five gamers, including online, then get out of the basement and meet some. If you don’t know any women gamers, then maybe that’s because you haven’t asked any women you know to play. Maybe you should. Maybe you could specifically look for them, because a lot of them are being ignored, or trying to find good games amongst the dross and the gross.

And once you’ve met them, do them the courtesy of sitting down and talking to them. Ask them about their bad experiences, and listen to them. Because, off the internet especially, we’re not doing enough of that. If you don’t know what the problem is, you’ve DEFINITELY not done enough of that. And when they’ve finished, apologize to them and commiserate with them. Acknowledge that their experience matters and the stuff that happened to them isn’t acceptable. And then come back and tell me you know what the problem is.

If you really don’t know what the problem is, seriously go and do this. Heck, do it if you know what the problem is anyway, because it’s worth doing. If every female gamer you ask tells you she’s never had a problem or witnessed a problem with a creep or jerk,  I will eat my hat. Live, on webcam. When – as I expect they will – every female gamer you ask tells you a crappy story, come back and pledge to the MESSAGE, or sign up for an avatar, shirt or a badge when we go live next month.

But most importantly, actually talk to women. And listen to them. Gamers or otherwise. That’s really the first step. That can make all the difference in the world.

The MESSAGE: Why We’re Doing It

Since we put the idea out there, we’ve got some feedback, and since we started the crowdsourcing, even more. Everyone wants to know exactly what the point is, and what we hope to accomplish. And until today, I didn’t know myself. I had some ideas, but it wasn’t crystalizing for me. I had the theory, but not the deep-down emotional reason to do it. That changed today when I grabbed a random shirt from the shelf and put it on.

Upon unfolding, I realized I’d grabbed my shirt with “SUPPORT SAME SEX MARRIAGE” on it. I picked it up two years ago at a march. I don’t really think of it as a political shirt any more. I wear it because I like having things I enjoy on my belly. Dinosaurs. The Violent Femmes. Daleks. Equal rights.

And like my love for those things, my politics is a very personal thing for me. Private, even. Yes, I use my facebook to point out lies and slander, but I use it precisely because it is semi-anonymous. I’m a shy guy, and face to face, I don’t talk politics. It’s not something I want to bring into the social arena, because I don’t want to judge or pressure my friends. My politics are mine and I don’t expect them to be anyone else’s.

Activism is my job; I don’t usually meet people at marches or anything. And I don’t march for my friends either. Some people do both of those things, and that’s great, but I go for I guess perhaps more theoretical reasons. I don’t march for refugees because I know any refugees and have seen the damage done to them, because I don’t and I haven’t. I don’t march for gay marriage because I love my gay friends and want them to have what others do, because really, I know like one gay guy and I hardly ever see them (hey buddy!).

As a result, I typically forget that my politics HAS any kind of human dimension. Which is why I completely randomly put on, and then forgot I was wearing, my SAME SEX MARRIAGE shirt last year, when I was going out to hang out with Darrin and Stefan. They happen to be gay, but I’d also forgotten that. On the way into the restaurant, I was suddenly panicked and embarrassed. I didn’t want to look like a try-hard, desperately trying to show off how politically correct I was. I didn’t want Darrin and Stefan to feel like I was going to make them part of my political identity, my awesome gay friends to prove how liberal I was. I put on a coat and put it out of my mind.

But later on, I relaxed and forgetting my shirt, took off my coat. And a bit later Stefan saw my shirt, and he smiled. And Stefan, when he smiles, he smiles with his whole face, his whole body and his whole heart, because he’s that kind of guy, the kind of guy with nothing but a giant heart full of love beneath his chest. And with that warm smile still spread on his face, he said “I like your shirt”.

And that was that, but I remember it, because it brought home what that shirt could do. Not change the world or even change a vote, but just say to somebody else, be they friend or stranger, that they are welcome. That I welcome you. That, astoundingly, I don’t want to burn you, or imprison you, or discriminate against you.

We all get that same kind of buzz out of shirts and badges. We see someone wearing an Invader Zim shirt and we feel “hah, I have kinship, because I share that passion.” And it’s more important when it’s something small or weird that feels like nobody else knows but you. And it’s HUGELY important when there are great masses of people doing everything they can to exclude you, or silence you, or discriminate against you, or destroy you, or just let you know, casually, how much they despise you. In that kind of environment, wearing a little sign that says “I welcome you” can make all the difference in the world. It can put a smile on someone’s face.

We’ve already made $400 on the kickstarter, which is great. A huge amount of that is down to one woman in particular, who saw what we are doing and I think had the same kind of reaction as Stefan did that day. Saw a sign saying “you are welcome” in a world that wants her gone. So she put in a very large amount of money, because those signs are just that important.  And thanks to her passion and Stefan’s smile, I finally get it.

I know we need to do this. And I know why we’re doing it. To wave the flag that says “You are welcome here” in a world that wants you gone.

You can throw some funding at us to get us over the line here.

Men v Misogyny – the Crowdsourcing Begins

Well, we’re going to give the MESSAGE idea a go and see what happens. I got a wonderful person to help out, I’ve lined up a designer to make the logo, now we just need some cash to pay the designer and set up the initial website. So off to crowdsourcing we go. I use IndieGoGo because they are much more flexible and cheaper than Kickstarter. You can find the campaign here:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/150672?c=home&a=154593

It went up on the weekend and we’re already more than halfway to out goal, which is awesome! Clearly some people care enough about this to put their money where their mouths are! But its not just about the money, its about getting the word out – if this is going to work, it will need a lot of people to buy in to the idea, in the figurative sense, so even if they don’t fund it, they need to hear about it and talk about it. So please make sure to spread the link everywhere you can! Your favourite RPG and computer game forums! Your fellow guild members! Your twitter followers! Your mom! Your dentist!

Maybe not your dentist. (I hear he’s a jerk.)