Sending strength and love to all during this trying time.

My life, in a nutshell: Trying to remotely support two dear friends who are battling cancer, one of whom has decided against chemo and has days left; Helping my son and his fiance to re-plan their wedding, which was originally planned for May 4th (yes, Star Wars day); Helping my mother-in-law through her time in the retirement home, which now has 5 cases and one death from the virus; Coping with the pain from a herniated disc and plantar fascitis, when every step is agony; Trying to keep up with a foundation leak, which we may have fixed (fingers crossed!); and on top of everything else, dealing with the fact that my husband of almost 42 years wants a divorce, and just when we were in the midst of consulting lawyers and planning separation, he's stuck here for the duration. Things are amicable but strained, and I'm ready for him to leave so I can begin my path forward.

I'm 64 and I'm tired.

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If shit's been going on in your life and I haven't commented on your post, please know that I'm thinking about you, and sending good vibes your way. Ditto if you've shared joys. In those cliched breakup words: It's not you, it's me.

Briefly, my step-father-in-law is very ill and requires constant care, yet is not cooperating with the home health workers to the point that my mother-in-law is absolutely stressed out and is having health issues because of it. My husband flew down, and after quite a bit of unpleasantness, his step-siblings have agreed that his step-father must go into a nursing home. He hasn't been told yet, and the unpleasantness will multiply when that happens. There is no happy outcome in this situation. We just hope my mother-in-law's health improves once it's a fait accompli.

One aunt is scheduled for surgery to replace a shunt in her groin, and then fell and cracked her ribs. She's 87. We just found out that she has cancer, as well. Treatment options are still being discussed, but for pity's sake, she's 87!

Another aunt's Parkinson's has progressed to the point that she can't be left alone, yet she's also uncooperative. Her mental abilities are rapidly deteriorating, and she's become combative and paranoid. My poor cousin regularly calls in tears, and is now looking into a nursing home for her. Again, no happy outcome.

Two close friends in different cities are having major surgery the same day. I expect to be putting some miles on the car traveling to help out post-surgery.

And my husband threw out his back a couple weeks ago. Fortunately, he was able to receive treatment from an excellent chiropractor and is feeling better, but he's limited on what he can do, so he can't take on as much as he used to.

Add to that all the small dogs nipping at my ankles, and I'm feeling just a bit overwhelmed. I'm fine, personally, but trying to be everyone's prop and support, to do research and make considered suggestions for treatment and options for the future means that a lot of the time I find it difficult to respond to folks, even if it's just to say 'congratulations,' or 'I'm so sorry.' But I do read everyone's posts, and you're in my thoughts.

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After a lovely weekend at the beach -- delicious meals, long walks along the shore, some much-needed down time -- we returned home yesterday to the news that an old family friend had died. She was 90, and it was her time. But it will be difficult for her family, who have relied on her for many, many years. At the funeral today, I learned that another friend had died last week -- a gentle, sweet man with whom I used to carpool to choir while I was in high school. Rest in peace, Francis and Rod. I am in the stage of life where I attend more funerals than weddings. . .

This morning I took A to the Metro, the first stage on his trip to Florida to visit his mother and ailing step-father. Tragically, the Navy Yard shootings happened, and unfortunately, all flights from National Airport were suspended for a time (I guess because of the helicopter searches so close by), so the poor thing was delayed for hours. He finally arrived safely and will, I hope, be able to help his mom decide what needs to be done; whether his step-father needs to go into a nursing home, or whether home health aides will be sufficient. Not an easy decision at any time.

My aunts are both failing, albeit slowly. That's hard to watch, but I'm grateful for as much time as we have.

A lot of loss, lately. That seems to be my life in a nutshell.

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It's been a summer. Not terrible, in fact parts have been delightful, but we've had a lot of houseguests, work's been kicking my derriere, and I'm ready to crash and burn. I had minor oral surgery this morning, and even though I'm not in a lot of pain, for whatever values of pain you use, my body keeps going "Sleep! Sleep now! Yes, you!" And smiling pulls at my stitches (on the inside of my cheek), so of course we watched "Who's Line Is It Anyway" during dinner. Ow.

Fannishly, I'm so far behind everything I'm still (metaphorically) watching 1st season "due South." Well, except for Nightvale.

All hail the glow cloud!

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I am verklempt. Barbara Mertz (aka Elizabeth Peters and Barbara Michaels) died. She was 85, so she had a good run, but still it's a great loss. I met her a couple of times, and she was always gracious and damned funny.

Her Amelia Peabody books helped me through many rough patches, and revived my childhood interest in ancient Egyptian history. I still listen to Barbara Rosenblatt's audio versions nightly, comforted by the epic antics of the Emerson family and friends.

Rest in peace, Barbara, and take pride in the fact that you brought joy to so many.

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Happy Mother's Day to all those who do any or all of the roles of being a mother!

What's happening in my life right now. . . Very, very briefly:

- Had a great time working at Malice Domestic, our local mystery convention. Saw many friends and acquaintances, had some precious facetime with a few, and sold many books.

- Finished the conference on Sunday, returned home, and found out our son is coming back to stay for a while. A short while, I hope. As in, not too long. This should be interesting. . .

- Met with the real estate agent on Monday, she listed mom's condo on Tuesday, we received an offer on Thursday, and I returned the contract on Friday. Settlement is the 23rd! I was all prepared to be patient and wait around for months before it sold, and now I'm pleased and a bit stunned at how quickly things happened.

Now I'm sitting on the porch, enjoying the crisp spring air and wondering if it's really too early to have a glass of wine. . . Nah.

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We buried my mother on Friday. Yes, she died in October, but she's buried at Arlington National Cemetery with my dad, and the backlog is horrendous. But most of the family flew/drove/took the train to be here, the weather was lovely, and the ceremony was lovely (as always, at Arlington), so I count myself fortunate. Of course, feeding and housing 12 out-of-town guests for five days is a little daunting and tiring, but everything went well (except for my cousin's explosive diarrhea this morning, which required much of the day to clean up). Everyone left today (I took my brother to the airport at 5:30 am), I'm on my 8th (and hopefully final) load of laundry, my third glass of wine, and I hope I can get to bed soon.

I'm sending out good will to all -- I've tried to comment when I had time to check the internet, but I know I've missed much. Please grab hugs and good wishes as necessary, and now that I've almost got mom's condo ready for sale, I should have more time to hang out with my fannish family soon.

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Richard Briers has died!

::sobs::

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I've been off the radar for a while, just dealing with work and clearing out mom's condo. I've finally taken home/found a home for/given away everything save the big pieces of furniture, which will be moved this coming Friday -- a few pieces will find their home here, and the rest will go to S and a friend. Then I'll get it painted and update the bathrooms and kitchen, and put it on the market. Whew! Once I can hand it over to a real estate agent, it'll be a huge relief.

We drove down to Richmond yesterday, and meet up with our friends El and Rich, and caught the exhibit of Chihuly glass at the VMFA. Absolutely spectacular! The exhibit was beautifully staged, and the glass installations breathtaking. Then El and I bonded over some retail therapy, while Rich and A made sweet, sweet music. After a little rest and a restorative cocktail (with Virginia potato vodka -- smooooooth), we had a delicious dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant. The Pama martinis slipped down the gullet like the Devil in velvet trousers -- so we were blissful and boneless by the time we returned to their house. This morning dawned cold, with fitful bursts of flakes. The drive home was uneventful, but we were accompanied by flurries most of the way.

In the meantime, I've been sending out good thoughts to all the folks who need them. I hope to be around more in the future.

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We had a pleasant Christmas and New Year's, quiet celebrations with good friends.

The dismantling of mom's condo proceeds apace, taking far more time than I originally expected. She wasn't a packrat by any means, but there's just so much stuff that I have to go through before we start painting and upgrading the bathroom and kitchen, and then we can finally put it up for sale. It's been a bit overwhelming at times, I have to admit. Still, one drawer at a time, one closet at a time, one room at a time and I'll get it done.

A took me to the movies this afternoon as an early birthday treat -- we went to see The Hobbit. Generally underwhelmed, and the pacing was chronic. However, I did enjoy revisiting Middle Earth, seeing beloved characters again, and meeting new ones. Then we went to dinner and are now home, curled in front of the fire watching classic acts from The Old Grey Whistle Test -- Alice Cooper, The Edgar Winter Group, Elton John, The Wailers. . . My youth, revisited. (God, the hair! The tight trousers!)

And tomorrow I turn 57. Right now, I'm feeling every single year.

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