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19th-Nov-2021 08:00 pm - Tiny at the Bat

TINY AT THE BATBy Marc C. ShermanIllustrated by Gabriel Schleifer April 7, 2009Memoirs Of A Disgruntled Attorney (c)2013Curmudgeons, Conundrums and Druthers that Sail (c) 2019Thesaurus Rex Publications, LtdThe trainer was ready for the Mudville nine that day:The shortstop stood five feet two, with all the power of Say Hey,and then when Palmiero tested positive and A-Rod did the same,The reporters started looking, for someone new to blame.The tiny shortstop shot himself in the butt again that day. The crestupon his baseball jersey bulged upon his unnatural breast;He thought, "Since I met this trainer, I wield a mighty bat--I’ll sign for the big money now, by virtue of my stat."But Clemens lied in front of Congress, and Sosa claimed, “me no partake,”And Roger was incredible, while Sammy lack of English was a fake;And yet the tiny shortstop, who could no longer wear his hat,Never gave a second thought to the chance that he would go splat.But as players grew to enormous size, that made Killebrew look small,The owners looked the other way, as hallowed records fall;And suddenly it hit the fan, the numbers were absurd,But the tiny shortstop didn’t care about the acne that it spurred.Then one day his turn came, he’d give a sample as well;As he tried to go, he noticed that his scrotum looked like hell;He urinated in the jar, and figured that that was that,For Tiny, mighty Tiny, was setting records with the bat.There was a lumbering in Tiny's stride as his heart began to race;As he passed the bathroom mirror he saw no resemblance to his face.And when, ignoring all the kids, he’d never stop to wear his hat,Never gave a second thought to the chance that he would go splat.But as players grew to enormous size, that made Killebrew look small,The owners looked the other way, as hallowed records fall;And suddenly it hit the fan, the numbers were absurd,But the tiny shortstop didn’t care about the acne that it spurred.Then one day his turn came, he’d give a sample as well;As he tried to go, he noticed that his scrotum looked like hell;He urinated in the jar, and figured that that was that,For Tiny, mighty Tiny, was setting records with the bat.There was a lumbering in Tiny's stride as his heart began to race;As he passed the bathroom mirror he saw no resemblance to his face.,For who were they to talk to him , he was Tiny at the bat.But that day he tested positive, his fans were deeply hurt;The NY Post reporter wrote, “He’s nothing but a squirt.” Years from now the Hall of Fame will decide his name to skip,Because Tiny off Steroids was no bigger than a microchip. — TINY AT THE BAT By Marc C. Sherman Illustrated by Gabriel Schleifer April 7, 2009 Memoirs Of A Disgruntled Attorney (c)2013 Curmudgeons, Conundrums and Druthers that Sail (c) 2019 Thesaurus Rex Publications, Ltd The trainer was ready for the Mudville nine that day: The shortstop stood five feet two, with all the power of Say Hey, and then when Palmiero tested positive and A-Rod did the same, The reporters started looking, for someone new to blame. The tiny shortstop shot himself in the butt again that day. The crest upon his baseball jersey bulged upon his unnatural breast; He thought, "Since I met this trainer, I wield a mighty bat-- I’ll sign for the big money now, by virtue of my stat." But Clemens lied in front of Congress, and Sosa claimed, “me no partake,” And Roger was incredible, while Sammy lack of English was a fake; And yet the tiny shortstop, who could no longer wear his hat, Never gave a second thought to the chance that he would go splat. But as players grew to enormous size, that made Killebrew look small, The owners looked the other way, as hallowed records fall; And suddenly it hit the fan, the numbers were absurd, But the tiny shortstop didn’t care about the acne that it spurred. Then one day his turn came, he’d give a sample as well; As he tried to go, he noticed that his scrotum looked like hell; He urinated in the jar, and figured that that was that, For Tiny, mighty Tiny, was setting records with the bat. There was a lumbering in Tiny's stride as his heart began to race; As he passed the bathroom mirror he saw no resemblance to his face. And when, ignoring all the kids, he’d never stop to wear his hat, Never gave a second thought to the chance that he would go splat. But as players grew to enormous size, that made Killebrew look small, The owners looked the other way, as hallowed records fall; And suddenly it hit the fan, the numbers were absurd, But the tiny shortstop didn’t care about the acne that it spurred. Then one day his turn came, he’d give a sample as well; As he tried to go, he noticed that his scrotum looked like hell; He urinated in the jar, and figured that that was that, For Tiny, mighty Tiny, was setting records with the bat. There was a lumbering in Tiny's stride as his heart began to race; As he passed the bathroom mirror he saw no resemblance to his face. , For who were they to talk to him , he was Tiny at the bat. But that day he tested positive, his fans were deeply hurt; The NY Post reporter wrote, “He’s nothing but a squirt.” Years from now the Hall of Fame will decide his name to skip, Because Tiny off Steroids was no bigger than a microchip.

Tags:alex rodriguez, curmudgeons conundrums and druthers that, harmon killebrew, rafael palmeiro, roger clemens, sammy sosa, thesaurus rex publications ltd, tiny at the bat, willie mays

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