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My name is Samantha, and the last time I was in a relationship that lasted longer than 2 weeks was with a guy who emotionally abused me and raped me at one point. Since then I've had a transformation, I've been going to therapy, I strted wearing makeup, I changed my hair, and I started dressing better. Now guys hit on me all the time, but I haven't found a single guy that actually likes me and doesn't just want to fuck me. So here's my most recent sob story:
So I was infatuated at first sight with this guy named Leo. He was the most attractive guy I ever had a chance with, and he was perfect. One night we were drunk together watching a movie, and we started to cuddle, and then we were spooning, and then we were kissing, and it was perfect and wonderful and then things started to go further and I stopped him and said "I'm not the kind of girl who has casual sex, I'm the kind of girl who has relationships." He said "Fair enough, thank you for being honest." We kept kissing, and I ended up staying the night with him in his room (I'm in my first year of college by the way) and we cuddled all night. It was wonderful. This continued for two weeks until I spent the night with him when he was really drunk. He was clearly upset about something, and after I pestered him for a while he finally told me that he didn't think I really cared about him, and I of course told him how much I like him, and he said he liked me back. He opened up to me about how much he'd been hurt previously and that he had trust issues with women, and I told him that I'd had similar problems. I felt like we were really connecting for once. But after a while he turned away from me and I started to cry. I was cold and lonely and I felt unwanted by him, so I got up to leave. As I was getting dressed he woke up and asked me where I was going, and I told him that I felt unwanted. He pulled me back into bed with him and wouldn't let go of me, finally he said "You're ridiculous. You're ridiculous for feeling unwanted. I can't think of anyone I'd want to be with more right now." I think I fell in love with him then. A couple days later I decided to open up more to him, and I told him very briefly about my previous abusive relationship, and I didn't see him again for the next 2 weeks. He was avoiding me, and I thought I would die. I wanted to die. Finally he cornered me at dinner and said that he'd wanted to talk to me for a long time but was scared that if he tried to I'd only yell at him. I told him that I did still want to talk, and we did the next day. He told me that he'd realized I was getting too attached to him and that he doesn't get attached very easily. Basically it freaked him out, and he panicked. He said he did like me, and he apologized a hundred times for what happened, and he said that he's usually the guy this happens to. We hugged and decided to be friends. I still see him around, but not as much as I used to. I miss him so much, and I spend every second hoping with all my heart that he'll walk through the door, while simultaneously praying he won't. Right now I'm on vacation back home for a month and I'm hoping that that much seperation will be enough to make me get over him, but it's unlikely.
( A Picture of MeCollapse )
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