{"@attributes":{"version":"2.0"},"channel":{"title":"BABY I LOVE YOU; NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO","link":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/","description":"BABY I LOVE YOU; NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO - LiveJournal.com","lastBuildDate":"Thu, 24 Mar 2011 23:56:38 GMT","generator":"LiveJournal \/ LiveJournal.com","copyright":"NOINDEX","image":{"url":"https:\/\/l-userpic.livejournal.com\/108923850\/14165696","title":"BABY I LOVE YOU; NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO","link":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/","width":"100","height":"100"},"item":[{"guid":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/272315.html","pubDate":"Thu, 24 Mar 2011 23:56:38 GMT","title":"fanfic: you do, you don't (nick\/jeff, glee, pg-13)","author":"atomais","link":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/272315.html","description":"Title:<\/strong> you do, you don't (or; Five times someone thought Nick was gay, and one time he kinda actually was)
Author:<\/strong> Little me!
Rating:<\/strong> PG-13 for language.
Summary:<\/strong> Nick isn’t gay. People have this image, this idea<\/i>, that ninety perfect of the boys that go to Dalton Academy are either homosexual, bisexual, or in-denialsexual. He isn’t any of these things - he is completely heterosexual in every way, and that was the honest truth.
Notes:<\/b> Tumblr is a bad, enabling place. I don't know where else to post this. The song that Nick and the Pips sing is Nothing on You\/Hey Soul Sister<\/a>! Whee!

Nick isn’t gay.

People have this image, this idea<\/i>, that ninety perfect of the boys that go to Dalton Academy are either homosexual, bisexual, or in-denialsexual. He isn’t any of these things - he is completely heterosexual in every way, and that was the honest truth.

… Of course it was.

People didn’t seem to understand that all-boys school did not equate to homosexuality, and it was almost annoying the way people seemed to think that he was gayer than a parade, confetti and all. Nick didn’t give a crap about people being gay, of course - people were people, that was that - but it was really hard to get a girlfriend when every single girl in the entire world thought your school was a gay school<\/i>.

BLAINE ANDERSON.<\/u><\/b>

When Blaine transferred mid-semester he was a nervous, skittish mess, and Nick took it upon himself to be as friendly as possible. He walked Blaine to his classes, helped him with avoiding the four star meals at Lunch and did his best to give the guy a hand when it came to his studies. He was just being a good friend, because if he had transferred, if he had been though a tough time (he could see from the weakness in Anderson’s posture, the way he flinched sometimes when someone patted his back) he’d want a hand too. He even got Blaine a Warblers audition, and the rest of the guys seemed to worship him already.

It came as a shock when Blaine sat down across from him, looking tense and terse, shifting on the couch. Nick lifted his eyes away from his sheet music, paused, and sighed, putting the papers to one side.

“You’ve - you’ve really helped me out a lot, Nick,” Blaine started softly, looking more nervous now that he was speaking - and, okay, that was a little frightening. Nick leaned forward, intent on listening and helping more. He nodded.

“Yeah, of course, Blaine. You know that’s cool - it was no problem.” Blaine nodded, but held up a hand. Nick lifted his eyebrow and waited.

“I just wanted to tell you that I can help you too. You know, with Jeff.”

… What?

Blaine didn’t seem to notice the wild, confused look on his friend’s face as he kept talking.

“I know that admitting these things is hard, and that maybe you’re scared.. You and Jeff are best friends, right? And losing that, putting that on the line… It can be hard to even consider, let alone actually do. But it’s so worth it, don’t you think? And I’ve seen the way he looks at you sometimes, like an excited kitten -”

“Woah, Blaine, Blane! I am not gay for Jeff! Not - not gay at all, dude!” Nick held up his hands, shaking his head, almost ready to stand up and just leave<\/i>. He’s cool with the gay thing, he really is, but he isn’t<\/i> gay, and it’s a little worrying that Blaine has only known him for a few short weeks and he’s completely sure that Nick is all up in team Gay. Still, he can’t be mad, not really - especially not at the comical, helpless look that flickers across the boy’s face.

“But… I was so sure - you’re so close, and…” Nick shook his head, holding up a hand (the same way Blaine would in future Warbler debates, and, dude<\/i>, stop stealing his stuff) before he turns to the side to pick up his music again.

“Jeff’s my best friend, of course. That doesn’t mean I want to get hanky panky with him, okay? I - I’m just not on your team, Blaine. I’m really sorry.” Blaine looked staggered, as though someone’s just told him Nick kicks puppies<\/i>, before he nods, smiles and walks out of the room. Nick hears someone else slip in and his heart skips a beat a little when he sees that it’s Jeff.

"What - what was that about?" Jeff asked, a nervous look in his eyes as he stared between the open door and Nick's stunned, frightened face.

"... Nothing. C'mon, let's go get ice cream."

THAD BOWES-LYON.<\/u><\/b>

Nick liked the Warblers, and their council, and the way they’re run, but he really, really didn’t like the way that Thad was frowning at him. Wes and David were laughing at something Blaine was saying and, really, on a normal day Thad would be all up on that - the council were, like, in love with Blaine or something. But Thad looked pissed<\/i>, and he was glaring<\/i> and Nick had no idea what on earth he’d done wrong. It was a bad idea to have any member of the Warblers Council annoyed with you, but you didn’t want Thad, of all of them, to hate you - it was like a solo death sentence.

Once the meeting had been called to a close Nick grabbed his bag, slipping forward and darting between boys to grab at Thad’s arm before the older boy could storm away. The older boy turned, pursing his lips a little as he looked Nick up and down. Well, that was nice.

“Thad, look… I really don’t know what I’ve done, but I’m sorry. I guess I’ve kinda upset you somehow without realising, and - I just, I didn’t mean to, okay? For real. Can we work this out?” Nick let his hand slip away from Thad’s elbow with a small frown. The boy pulled that look - the you are making a mockery of the Warbler’s council, Junior Anderson<\/i> - before he stood straight and adjusted his sidebag. He brushed some invisible dirt from his arm before he ‘ahem’ed and regarded Nick with a disapproving eye.

“You’ve done nothing to upset me, Junior Ward,” Thad said with a frown. “However, you are proving to be a distraction for our newest member, and considering his talent it simply will not do.”

What was with all the wild gay-crush accusations lately? Nick crossed his arms, a frown stuck on his lips.

“You think I’ve got, like, some kind of gay-crush on Blaine?” Thad’s lip curled and Nick thought that maybe he could have said that a little better. “Listen, Thad. I don’t like Blaine like that - I don’t like boys<\/i> like that. I know that Blaine thought… But, just, no, okay? So I’m not going to distract him. He knows I’m not into - into that. Boys. Dude, come on.” Thad looked confused, as though he had been so sure - beyond certainty.

“But… I see. My apologies, Junior Ward. I am terribly sorry that my anger was, ah, misdirected.” Nick watched Thad’s eye flicker over to where Jeff and Blaine were talking, the softness that appeared and - oh<\/i>.

… Maybe Dalton was a gay school after all. He didn’t notice the soft, curious look flicker across Thad’s face before the other boy left.

SANTANA LOPEZ.<\/u><\/b>

Nick had been hanging by the edge of the stage, watching as Jeff and the new guy, Kurt, went over a last minute change, when he heard a voice close to his ear.

“You want to get all up on that, huh? Wanky.” He turned, eyes wide and unsure, and felt his face drain of colour as the girl grinned, her eyebrow lifting as she leaned forward.

“Get. On. That. Ugh, why does everything have to be so difficult with boys? No me gusta.” And with a flick of her hair and a spring she was gone, sashaying behind a curtain.

… What just happened?

MARISSA ANETTE HAMILTON.<\/u><\/b>

He and Jeff were in the corner, watching as girls swarmed the rest of the Warblers, angling for numbers and names and dates. Slumped against the back wall Nick regarded the girls with an educated eye, flickering over brunette curls, straight, dark locks, wondering. He decided upon a blonde with bright, beautiful yellow hair, a tinge of darkness at the roots. She had a bright, eager smile and was touching at Thad’s arm as he wrinkled his nose and tried to suggest that she act more appropriately, how she was making a mockery<\/i> of their attempt to woo but not engage the girls. He almost didn’t notice when Jeff jumped up, standing stiffly as a girl approached them.

“… Good day, gentlemen,” she began softly, looking a little out of place and more than a little embarrassed. “I was merely… Warbler David told me that your name was Jeff?” Her eyes flicked over his friend, and Nick felt something dark and angry twist in his stomach at the way her cheeks flushed. Jeff nodded, looking sheepish as he brushed his hair from his forehead, and Nick wanted to lean over and flick the hair as he might have done back in the safety of Dalton. “Oh, well, I was - I simply wondered if, perhaps, you would accept this.” In her hand was a scrap of paper, a little damp from the foam but still readable. Jeff looked stunned and turned to Nick with a wild, afraid look in his eyes.

Nick felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

“I thought that your dancing was rather spectacular, Warbler Jeff,” she continued, and Jeff was quick to tell her that “no, no, just Jeff, please.” She smiled a soft, welcoming smile, and stepped a little closer, her skirt brushing against her knees. Nick swallowed, dragging his eyes away from his friend and looking across the room. The rest of the boys were packing up now, grabbing blazers and bags and heading towards the door. Blaine was still fending off a few girls and Kurt - well, Kurt was playing around with his hair, water-damaged and fluffy.

He jumped back to reality when there was a hand on his arm, and Nick turned back to Jeff. His friend looked like someone had just threatened him, a wild, afraid look in his eyes as he looked between Nick and the girl (Nick thought that, maybe, she had mentioned her name was Marissa while he had zoned out). Jeff stepped closer, almost hiding<\/i> behind Nick, and the girl let her eyes roam over them for a moment before she grinned. It wasn’t the soft, sultry smile from before - it was an amused, almost pleased smirk.

“I’m sorry, Jeff. I didn’t realise… Please, do forget this conversation happened.” She gave the boys another mixed look, two parts fond and two parts amused, before she turned on her heel. Jeff turned to Nick, looking horrified and unsure all at once.

Nick shrugged Jeff’s hand away and crossed his arms, slipping back to sit on part of the Animal stage again. His friend looked nervous as he stepped forward, shaking his head to flick his hair away again and - that was my job<\/i>, Nick thought murderously.

“I… What - I don’t really think I understand what just happened.” Jeff admitted quietly, slipping up to sit beside the dark-haired boy. Nick sighed, long and pained. What was it with Dalton and friendship being thought of as gay? As Jeff turned to face him again, his eyes a little nervous, a little scared in a way that he didn’t want to think about, Nick pushed himself away from the stage, snatching his bag from the floor.

“She wanted you, Nick, but she thought you were flaming because you hid behind me, okay? Is it really that hard to understand?” He didn’t know where the anger, the bite was coming from, but he couldn’t hold it back as he stormed away from his friend to catch up with Wes and Brent.

He didn’t see the way that Jeff’s face crumpled, his mouth open in a sad, scared little ‘o’.

KURT (ELIZABETH) HUMMEL.<\/u><\/b>

“You could be a little more subtle when you copy my French homework, Nick,” Kurt said with a wry smile as Nick tried to peer over his arm again. Nick put on a face of mock shock, eyes wide before he laughed, not even bothering to mask it anymore. He grinned as Kurt moved his arm away, essentially giving Nick free reign to look over the verbs and tenses.

“Thanks, man. You know I always get mixed up when it comes to this stuff,” it was true. He had no idea how he had maintained a passing Languages grade before Kurt had transferred.

“It’s fine, Nick.” Kurt said softly, before his pen paused, hovering over an unfinished word. Nick looked up, confused, uncertain about the pleased look on Kurt’s face. “I would like to ask you to do something in return, though.”

Uh oh.

“Uh… Sure, I guess?” Nick replied, sitting up in his chair. What if Kurt, like, wanted him to help serenade Blaine, or wash his car, or do some kind of fashion show? He wasn’t sure he could handle that without having some kind of breakdown.

“Read this.” A piece of paper was shoved into his face and Nick blinked, startled and a little confused. He picked it up, flicking it to straighten it in his hand, and read over the words.

The Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, sometimes referred to as the “Kinsey Scale,” was developed by Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues Wardell Pomeroy and Clyde Martin in 1948, in order to account for research findings that showed people did not fit into neat and exclusive heterosexual or homosexual categories.<\/i>

“… Kurt, dude, seriously, what is this?” Nick put the paper down on the table, leaning back in his chair and waiting for some kind of reply. Kurt twirled the pencil in his hand, pressing the eraser end to his mouth for a moment before he settled back, tapping the wood on the table.

“I - I had an argument with Blaine, and I thought I would do a little research. This was what came up, and it helped clear up a lot of personal misconceptions, as it were. I thought… I just thought it might be something you’d want to look at, that’s all.” Nick sighed, a little agitated. He knew where this was going, and he really wasn’t in the mood - he’d barely seen<\/i> Jeff since their group performance of Animal, and they didn’t even sit together in Warblers meetings anymore. Nick had no idea what he’d done, but there was an ache in his chest that he couldn’t explain; he didn’t need Kurt bringing up all the “Nick, you could be gay” stuff to make it all worse.

“I’m not saying you’re gay,” Kurt continued quickly, dropping his pencil and turning to give Nick a long, searching look. “I’m not - look at the scale. I don’t think you’re a four, a five or a six. I think you’re a one.” Nick picked up the papers again, looking at the table Kurt had drawn out - ‘one; Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual‘. Incidentally<\/i> gay? How did that even work<\/i>? Kurt could obviously see Nick’s confusion (and the anger that came with that confusion) and he held up a hand, stalling the other boy’s words.

“It just means that, for the most part, you’re completely one hundred percent straight. But, maybe, once or twice, there is a person that you’re not entirely straight for; a person that you like in spite of their physical gender. It’s something deeper than what’s on the outside. That’s all I’m saying, Nick. Really.” Nick let his eyebrow flick up, watching the soft, amused smile cross Kurt’s face, before he nodded, folding the paper and slipping it inside his pocket.

They turned back to their homework just as Blaine stormed in, throwing papers in the air and belting out the first words of ‘Misery’. Nick pretended not to notice the way Jeff danced, or how his eyes lit up as he moved, or the way that the words struck in his mind and made him choke on the lyrics as he sang, and he certainly didn’t feel his heart rush when his best friend clapped him on the shoulder, his smile like rain after months of drought.

It wasn’t some soul crushing realisation when he accepted that the burn of Jeff’s hand on his shoulder was pleasure; that his smile was the sun and his laugh was beautiful. It was just acceptance, a long-suffering sigh as he caught Kurt’s eye from across the room. Kurt smiled, shook his head and held up a single finger; ‘one‘.

NICK WARD.<\/u><\/b>

It was only a few weeks after Regionals, but the Warblers were more willing to think about performing. They had never had any issue with morale after loss, strangely, and were just happy to be a group singing together. When Nick had made his request, looking uncomfortable but thrilled at the support of the newly emerged power couple (Blaine and Kurt, finally<\/i>, jeez) the rest of the group had adopted it with wide smiles and bright eyes, lost in the hope that this would go better than “Warbler Anderson’s woeful attempt to seduce a gentleman in a sub par clothing store”.

When everything was ready, when the world had collided and Nick stood beside Blaine, looking as though he might be ill, Jeff walked in, phone in hand. He looked like someone had smacked him when he noticed the group poised and ready to perform, and his mouth opened, forming words - but Nick held up a hand, shaking his head.

“Listen, Jeff, I… I really need to tell you - this is important, okay? So don’t freak out. Sit down, dude.” The blonde moved, hovering over the sofa, and it took a flick of Nick’s hand to get him to sit properly, trying to take it all in.

“I - Things have been kinda weird, I know,” Nick said, his voice soft and nervous. He could feel the guys behind him tense, waiting for their cue. “I… I just wanna say I’m sorry. I - I had to work stuff out, and I know I kinda freaked you, and then I hurt you, but that’s different now. I need to tell you something, Jeff. I can’t think of the words, so let me sing, okay?” Jeff nodded, and that was the cue.

Nick took a deep breath and launched into song, no backing vocals required. It was simply him; pure feeling, desperate energy - the need to understand, both for himself and for Jeff. Maybe this seemed like out of nowhere to his friend, but - but it had always been there. It was like a spark in the background of his mind, a twist in his heart, and Jeff needed to know.

Beautiful girls, all over the world
I could be chasing, but my time would be wasted
They've got nothing on you, baby
Nothing on you, baby.<\/i>

Nick took a step back and Blaine leapt forward, breaking into the opening chorus of ‘Hey, Soul Sister’. He watched as Jeff’s eyes roamed over the Warblers as they performed backup, watched the way Kurt smiled fondly at his boyfriend, the way that Nick missed a step when those bright blue eyes finally landed on him. He grinned, and Blaine stepped back to let Nick continue with his portion of the performance.

They might say hi, and I might say hey
But you shouldn’t worry about what they say
Because they’ve got nothing on you, baby
Got nothing on you, baby.<\/i>

He couldn’t help the way his eyes lingered over Jeff, the flick of his hair as he bowed his head. Beside him Blaine was belting out the next verses of the second half of the mashup and all Nick could think was that Jeff didn’t want it. He hesitated when his part came up again, but he moved forward, determined. He held out a hand for Jeff and grinned, doing his best to appear confident and cocky and proud even though he wasn’t.

They got nothing on you, baby…<\/i>

The song trailed off and the Warblers stood, backs straight and arms crossed in front of them; the traditional ending stance. Jeff was staring at Nick, staring at his outstretched hand as though it was some kind of golden miracle, like touching their fingertips together would create a whole new impossible world between them. Nick swallows nervously, his hand shaking now, and he hears a high pitched, nervous cough behind him and then the rest of the Warblers are walking out of the commons. He catches Kurt’s eye at the door and he’s shrugging, motioning at Blaine with his head before he winks. Nick’s hand falters as he watches his best friend.

Please, Jeff. He whispered to himself. Please. Please don’t let me be wrong.

“I… I thought…” Jeff looks lost, but Nick smiles weakly and Jeff finally reaches out, touching their hands together. “I thought - Blaine!” And Nick looks like someone smacked him.

“… Blaine? What - Jeff? What?” And Jeff looks embarrassed and unsure and sick and completely and utterly in love all at once.

“I heard you; you told Blaine you were sorry. You didn’t - bro, you said you didn’t bat for his team.”

Nick stares, lost and confused for a long, blank moment. Then he’s laughing, lifting Jeff’s hand and pressing it to his cheek, letting the shuddering giggles rush through his body.

“No, dude, God, no, I am not gay for Blaine. Blaine was, like, all up in my face about you, okay? He knew that I had this big crush on you before I did, and he - he wanted to help. But I didn’t know, then, so I told him to back off. That’s when you walked in.” He paused, snorting again. “You thought I liked Blaine? Come on, Jeff.”

Now Jeff just looks embarrassed, a faint flush on his cheeks. He doesn’t speak and Nick leans up, their faces close. It would have been awkward if it didn’t feel so right.

“It’s you, Jeff. I’m not gay, I mean. I don’t think I am. But it’s just - it’s you, man. I just want you. Gimmie a chance here, okay?”

And Jeff laughed, the breath touching at Nick’s cheek, and when they kissed it was like nothing in the world even mattered anymore.<\/blockquote><\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/272315.html?view=comments#comments","category":["feeling: confused","fandom: glee","pairing: nick\/jeff"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/272006.html","pubDate":"Thu, 24 Mar 2011 18:25:25 GMT","title":"itp: i tl;dr about Blaine Anderson (in: the Substitute)","author":"atomais","link":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/272006.html","description":"

THIS IS A BLAINE ANDERSON POST: THE SUBSTITUTE VERSION<\/h1>This is a post about Blaine Anderson.<\/strong> It was going to be about all the episodes he’s in so far, but it got to 1,500 words about “Never Been Kissed” so I thought I’d do it episode by episode instead.
DISCLAIMER:<\/strong> I’ve seen a lot of hate regarding Blaine recently and, well, I just kinda wanted to talk about him. Because, in my eyes, a lot of it is a little unjustified, a little bit too much - and I just wanted to talk. Don’t like Blaine? Don’t read this post. Trust me. You won’t like this post if you don’t like Blaine Anderson. Also, this post is just the way I view Blaine and the way I perceive the thoughts of the character. Even if you like Blaine you might not agree with everything here.

Blaine isn’t in this episode much, but I still think there’s a lot to talk about here. This isn’t going to be as long as “Never Been Kissed”, just because there’s less to say because there’s less Blaine…<\/strike> I thought it wasn’t going to be as long, but whoops! LONGER! I talk a lot anyway. I tend to do that, I think, so please bear with me. It’s going to sound a little derpy and weird, but that’s because I’m talking about characters I’m less… ‘In tune’ with, I think.
 <\/p>

He’s mentioned when Kurt and Mercedes are getting lunch together near the beginning of the episode. Mercedes brings up Bowling and Kurt says he can’t because Blaine wants to hang out. Let me talk about this conversation a little!
 <\/p>

\"\"<\/p>


Mercedes: <\/strong>“Are you two going out? Because I think you need to come clean.”

Okay, so, this is a simple line, but I think there’s a lot you can take from it. Already, Kurt has talked about Blaine enough for Mercedes to think they’re close enough to be dating. I mean, you wouldn’t assume your best friend was dating someone unless they hung out a lot\/were talked about a lot, right? So already Blaine is having an a pretty big impact on Kurt’s life. I always had this image of Kurt wanting to keep Blaine for himself, so this was a big deal, at least for me. He talks about Blaine more than you would a normal friend; Blaine is that important to Kurt already.

Kurt:<\/strong> “… Not another Jesse\/Rachel traitor scenario to overcome. Please, Mercedes, mums the word.”

But, there we go. Mercedes is the only one that knows of Blaine because of her status as Kurt’s BFF. So while Kurt is hanging out with Blaine a lot more it’s not as big as Rachel and Jesse - because, at this point, maybe, Kurt doesn’t see Blaine as a boyfriend. I mean, of course there’s the potential, and maybe Kurt sees that, but right now their friendship is far too fresh and their relationship is too new. Blaine, at the moment, it just someone that Kurt wants to spend time with - a friend that he needed.
 <\/p>

\"\"<\/p>


Kurt:<\/strong> “It’s just nice to have someone to talk to.”
Mercedes:<\/strong> “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kurt: <\/strong>“It means someone like me.”

Obviously, Kurt means someone who is gay. But, beyond that, there’s more - that we know but, of course, Mercedes doesn’t. Someone like Kurt as in someone who knows what it feels like to be bullied because of your sexuality, someone who is male and enjoys musicals, someone he can talk to about his pain and loneliness because they understand it on a deeper level. While the rest of the Glee club could understand the pain of being bullied, they probably can’t grasp how it feels to be bullied for your sexuality rather than your choice of school club. Blaine can understand that; he can be the person Kurt turns to talk about these things, whereas he can’t do that with Mercedes and the others.

Blaine is Kurt’s bullying go-to guy, and that is a special thing. Kurt doesn’t talk about his feelings or anything - but, maybe, he does with Blaine. He shrugs off Mercedes “knowing how lonely he’s been”, turning the conversation away from it… But would it be the same with Blaine? Blaine is making Kurt happier - and we can see that in this episode. Normally, he’s the last to join in with group numbers, shying away until the end. During “Forget You” he’s one of the first to be up and dancing… That speaks for itself, in my mind.

During the next scene with Mercedes, we can hear Kurt being a little more optimistic. Maybe it’s too much for me to say that this is because of Blaine, but previous to this he’s been quite pessimistic, down on himself - but here he’s saying that “love is just around the corner”. He’s trying to set Mercedes up with Anthony because then she’d have someone like Blaine - someone similar to her to talk to and spend time with, because there’s only so much that Kurt can understand about Mercedes. He’s happy and smiling up until the point that Karofsky comes.
 <\/p>

\"\"<\/p>


Kurt:<\/strong> “… Blaine got us tickets.”
Mercedes:<\/strong> “Us, as in, all of us?”
Kurt: <\/strong>“I think he could only score two.”

I don’t think Blaine could only score two. I don’t think that Kurt mentioned Mercedes and his plans at all, and so Blaine only got two tickets. Blaine wasn’t being mean or ignoring Mercedes or anything - I think Kurt deliberately didn’t mention the girl because he wanted to hang out with Blaine alone. I do not see Blaine as a character who would deliberately ignore or shun another, or go to a performance without one if he thought that she wanted to go. He knows what it’s like to be bullied, I think, and he knows what it’s like to not be included - there’s no way he would ever, ever not include Mercedes if he thought she wanted to come. I truly believe that Kurt wanted to be a little selfish here; keep Blaine to himself for a little longer, just because he could. It’s not, in my mind, Blaine’s fault, or Blaine being a jerk - it’s something he had no idea about because Kurt wanted to hold their friendship close and private for a little while more.

And then, we have in person Blaine!<\/p>

\"\"<\/p>


This lunch-date scene was so, so important. First and foremost, it was Kurt introducing Blaine to one of the most important people in his life - Mercedes. His best friend, his diva buddy, his, later to be seen, sleepover-girl. I think this is important, considering how private Kurt can be; the fact that he wants Blaine to meet his best friend is a big, important step. Almost like getting approval or something. That’s huge.

Firstly, the opening conversation? Gold. Two gay guys talking about gay marriage and connecting with each other? Awesome. I loved the fact that they were able to talk about these things - I don’t think Kurt gets to talk about ‘political issues’ much with anyone else, so him being able to chat about this stuff is pretty darn awesome in my book. Blaine is just as interested and verbose as Kurt, bringing things into it and debating back; it’s a proof of his intelligence.

But, then, Blaine does something that I find important and interesting: he asks Mercedes what she thinks. It’s pretty obvious that she’s bored and kind of out of it (the fact that she didn’t keep up with the change from Don’t Ask Don’t Tell proving it) but Blaine tries to draw her back into the conversation. I think Blaine seemed to get that she felt rather third-wheely; he and Kurt were chatting along and he tried to bring her back in.  think that was just proof of Blaine’s kindness, and his need to make everyone feel accepted and included.<\/p> Secondly, the “favourite Vogue covers” game. I liked the fact that Blaine had this side of his personality - before this we’ve seen him as a sweet, kind, outreaching gentleman that comes from an all boys school with steep tuition. I don’t know, but I felt that giving him an obvious love for Vogue made him more of a human than he’d been before; there was more to him and that was awesome. The fact that he and Kurt had the same cover was an adorable circumstance, methinks.

\"\"<\/p>

Blaine:<\/strong> “I was just talking about the Buckeyes - I’m a college football fan. I like sports too, you know.”
Kurt:<\/strong> “Oh, way to break the stereotype!”

I am so, so sure that the reason why Blaine brought football up, even though Kurt is obviously not a massive fan of it, was to try and talk to Mercedes. She was obvious completely and utterly uninterested in their conversation, and Blaine wanted to fix that. Maybe sports wasn’t the right move, but he wanted to try and talk about something “less gay”; the fact that Mercedes was day dreaming “gay, gay, gay” coming out of their mouths seconds ago leads me to think that, anyway. I think Blaine really, really wanted Mercedes to like him, and he was trying so hard to work around his interests to talk to her, too. Maybe he understood that she was important to Kurt so he needed to get to know her as well; what’s important to Kurt should be important to him, too.

It was nice to see that he was “breaking the stereotype” too. He’s not identical to Kurt, and they’re not two gay guys that have everything in common. The contrast between Vogue and the football was important; they don’t have a million and one thing in common but they’re still friends. Just like New Directions - not all of them like sports, not all of them love musicals, not all of them are footballers or cheerleaders, but they’re connected by the things they love and the things that make them who they are. It’s the same for Kurt and Blaine.

The joking manner as they discuss Patti LuPone’s new book, the roll of the eyes and the look to Mercedes - it was adorable, but there’s more to it too. I felt like he was looking to her to see if she had or not, and Kurt took it as him saying ‘no’ - until he said that he had, of course. I felt like Blaine was seeing if he could bring Mercedes back into the conversation but, seeing that she had no idea about the book, was forced to just say that he had and enjoy the excitement and rush that Kurt had seconds after. I felt bad for Blaine - it seemed as though it was impossible to make both Kurt and Mercedes happy during that conversation, and it must have been hard to balance as the ‘newcomer’ in their friendship.
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And then we have another flash of the “COURAGE” sign, and the Dalton Warblers banner hanging in Kurt’s locker. I can’t believe I forgot to mention this stuff in the last one, but I guess it’s okay to talk about it here, too. Blaine is a source of inspiration to Kurt right now and, maybe unfairly, Kurt is putting him on this kind of pedestal. He’s something Kurt can look forward too, a reminder that life isn’t always going to be hard, and that he can have courage and be strong and look after himself. (The texts tie in with this, too). I think it’s adorable that Kurt does this, but it reminds us of what we’ve seen of Blaine so far: he does seem perfect, in-tune with Kurt in almost every way, connected as friends on a deep level even after such a short time. He doesn’t seem to have any flaws yet - he’s a strong, brave, kind, sweet, pure boy that wants nothing more than to help Kurt.

What Kurt says:<\/strong> “I’m not breaking it off with Blaine. I really like him… Two weeks ago I thought there was no way I’d ever find someone like Blaine. And there he was!”
What Kurt means:<\/strong> “I’m not ending my friendship with Blaine. I really like him, and I connect with him on a way I haven’t with anyone before. Two weeks ago I thought I would always be alone, that I would never have a friend like him - but there he was, just waiting for me to find him!”

Kurt needs Blaine; he needs someone strong, and proud, and ‘out’ who can listen to him and understand. There are romantic undertones here, of course, but I think what Kurt meant was that he never thought he would find someone who was both gay and proud of it - in ‘Duets’ he said that all he wanted was to walk ‘hand-in-hand with the person that he liked’. I think meeting Blaine gave Kurt hope; hope that he could find someone strong and proud like Blaine is to hold hands with and love. He’s the only out guy in school, but it won’t always be that way, and Blaine reminded him of that.

‘Someone like Blaine’; someone sweet, charming, inspirational and, most importantly, proud. That’s what Kurt needed to see, I think; someone real who was proud of who they are and was proud to say to strangers ‘hey, I’m gay’ like he did. At the moment, Blaine is nothing more than a perfect inspiration for Kurt, and someone we look forward to learning more about - and, boy, do we ever.<\/p>

Originally posted here at tumblr!<\/a><\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/272006.html?view=comments#comments","category":["feeling: embarrassed","fandom: glee","character: blaine anderson"]},{"guid":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/271742.html","pubDate":"Wed, 23 Mar 2011 01:21:05 GMT","title":"itp: i tl;dr about Blaine Anderson.","author":"atomais","link":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/271742.html","description":"

THIS IS A BLAINE ANDERSON POST: NEVER BEEN KISSED VERSION<\/h1>

This is a post about Blaine Anderson.<\/strong> It was going to be about all the episodes he’s in so far, but it got to 1,500 words about “Never Been Kissed” so I thought I’d do it episode by episode instead.<\/p>

DISCLAIMER:<\/strong> I’ve seen a lot of hate regarding Blaine recently and, well, I just kinda wanted to talk about him. Because, in my eyes, a lot of it is a little unjustified, a little bit too much - and I just wanted to talk. Don’t like Blaine? Don’t read this post. Trust me. You won’t like this post if you don’t like Blaine Anderson. Also, this post is just the way I view Blaine and the way I perceive the thoughts of the character. Even if you like Blaine you might not agree with everything here.<\/p>

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When we first meet Blaine he’s checking the time, obviously dashing to do something (we learn that it’s to sing, but…) when a “new kid” asks him for help. Does he tell the kid that he really has somewhere he needs to be and brush him off, answering his questions as quickly and easily as possible? No. He puts his watch away, he smiles, introduces himself and waits, answering whatever the boy has to offer. Then, he takes that boy’s hand and leads him to the spot where the magic is happening. I think if Blaine were less of a nice character, less of a nice person, he would have been far less welcoming of Kurt in that moment (especially since he was so obvious a spy). He could have easily said “oh, the Warblers - our Glee club - are performing and, really, I kind of have to go”. But he doesn’t. He is, at heart, a good guy that wants to help out.
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We next see him with Wes and David, talking to Kurt. Is he mean about the fact that the boy was half-spying half-checking out their school? No. He understands; he asks if Wes and David can leave because he understands that Kurt needs privacy. If Kurt wants to talk it’s better to talk directly to someone who gets the pain and suffering, who empathises completely with the things Kurt is discussing. It’s here that the problems with Blaine seem to start - that he gives Kurt bad advice. But, think it through?<\/p>

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What Kurt says:<\/strong> “There’s this neanderthal that’s made it his mission to make my life a living hell, and nobody seems to notice.”
What Kurt means: <\/strong>“There’s a jock that is threatening me with his fists, throwing slushies in my face, calling me names, pushing me into lockers and no one cares because, in my school, they let bullying and homophobia slide.”
What Blaine hears:<\/strong> “There’s a bully that is making life hellish for me and no one seems to notice it and how much it hurts.”

Kurt doesn’t mention slushies, or “the Fury” or the locker slams. He doesn’t mention the intensity of the bullying he’s suffered. What is Blaine supposed to think? McKinley isn’t a normal high school, as far as I can tell from what I know about American schools. Blaine’s mind wouldn’t automatically jump to locker slams or ice-cold slushie facials. He would think the f-word, locker vandalism, teasing and whispers. From his point of view his advice was sound; “don’t let them verbally harass you anymore, stand up for yourself”. It’s not Blaine’s fault that he didn’t get the entire story. We, as viewers, know the entire story - Blaine, as a character, doesn’t. He didn’t think his advice was bad because he didn’t know everything; he drew upon his own experiences and tried to offer a helping hand.

When we take into account that this is a stranger, someone Kurt has only just met, and he is doing more for Kurt than others - well. That just makes Blaine more appealing, in my opinion. He says to Kurt “yes, you can run away, you can hide like I did, but you’ll regret it. You can stand up for yourself, you can be brave - because you’re being brave right here right now, telling me about your problems and seeking help. That’s courage.” He tells Kurt that running away, hiding, is almost more painful than standing up for yourself, telling people that their way of thinking is negative and backwards thinking. He just wants Kurt to be brave, to fight back against the VERBAL abuse. He has no inkling about the physical, more dangerous side of David Karofsky. If he did I am 100% sure Blaine Anderson would have said some very different things during that conversation.

And, really, that little confidence boost is something Kurt seemed to need, considering what Will said to him at the beginning of the episode.
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Apparently, Blaine was a douche here too. I get that, maybe, he was a little ridiculous and maybe confronting David was a bad move but, again, Blaine doesn’t know everything. He’s not omniscient. I highly doubt that Kurt has told Blaine everything about everything - they’re still only new friends, after all. But, here we go.

What Blaine says:<\/strong> “Don’t worry about it; just let me do the talking. I’ve got your back.”
What Blaine means:<\/strong> “Please stop being afraid; lean on me. Don’t worry; I’ll confront him this time. I know that it’s hard to face your fears because I ran from mine, so let me face yours for you. I’ll talk to him because his confusion blinds him where you’re concerned.”

When Blaine confronts Karofsky, he doesn’t slam up into his face and go “hey, buddy, you kissed Kurt when he didn’t want it, how dare you”. He says “David. I know what you did. I know what happened. I just want to help you, because I know this is scary.” It’s Kurt that verbally addresses the kiss.<\/p>

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What Blaine says:<\/strong> “It seems like you might be a little confused… You should just know that you’re not alone.”
What Blaine means:<\/strong> “You’re confused. I understand. I’ve been there and it’s painful. Please, listen to us. You’re not alone like we were when we were working through this. You have someone to talk to; please take advantage of that fact. We’re here to be your friends if you’d let us.”

But the danger of the situation and, of course, Blaine’s accidental stupidity doesn’t become clear until David pushes him up against the railing. Blaine didn’t know how bad the other boy could be, most likely because Kurt didn’t tell him - Kurt Hummel has a bad habit of keeping his pain and worries to his chest, so the likelihood of him talking about all this to Blaine is pretty low. So, yes, Kurt has to step in and push David away - so? That doesn’t make Blaine any weaker. He misjudged the situation because he didn’t know all the facts. Kurt doesn’t give Blaine a chance to push back, anyway - he doesn’t give David a chance to back of either. He has courage, and he steps in. Don’t hate on Blaine for Kurt’s choices, that’s all I want to say.

But, alongside that - can you blame Blaine for tensing, for surrendering? I highly doubt he’s ever been faced with something that intense before. We don’t know much about his backstory, admittedly, but I think his bullying was less physically painful than Kurt’s - more words than force. I think he was terrified because, unlike Kurt, he was never pushed into lockers, never dumpster tossed. He has never felt this painful bullying first-hand - so, yes, he’s going to be afraid. Wouldn’t you be?<\/p>

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What Kurt and Blaine say:<\/strong> “Because up until yesterday I had never been kissed. Or, at least, when it counted.” \/ “C’mon. I’ll buy you lunch.”
What Blaine doesn’t say:<\/strong> “I’m sorry. I can’t understand you here. I’ve never been a boyfriend. I’ve never been kissed; I don’t understand how this feels. So I’ll do what I can. I’ll take you to lunch, we’ll have fun, we’ll laugh and you won’t think about him and how much it hurts for a few hours. That’s all I can do for you right now.”

Maybe Blaine could have said more. Maybe Blaine could have rattled off a long speech about how Kurt was strong and brave and with courage - but guess what? He didn’t. Because at this point Blaine is running on strength of empathy. He doesn’t know Kurt well enough to offer him support without his own personal understanding - right now he can’t empathise because he hasn’t experienced these things. So he does what he can, as a good friend; he takes Kurt away from the things that are hurting him and tries to bring something light to replace it. He’s going to treat his friend to lunch and distract him from the pain. Because he cares about Kurt and he wants to help, even if he can’t do all that much.\n

\nOriginally posted here on tumblr<\/a>.<\/p><\/a>","comments":"https:\/\/atomais.livejournal.com\/271742.html?view=comments#comments","category":["feeling: cynical","fandom: glee","pairing: kurt\/blaine","character: blaine"]}]}}