Greetings, and a question
This community doesn't seem to be that active, but hopefully people will see this and start posting again...
I'm in a relationship with someone who has AS. I've been wanting to join some kind of AS partners group online. This community is the first one I've seen so far where people actually seem to LOVE THEIR ASPIE PARTNER.

The thing is... when I've been in some groups, and NTs talk about their Aspie partner, it seems to often devolve into some incredible kind of negative bitchfest that has me scratching my head and thinking "if you're so unhappy and your partner is so horrible, why don't you just break up?"

I have severe ADHD and my ADHD affects my relationship MUCH worse than my partner's Asperger's has, IMHO. My partner's AS affects how he deals with the outside world and his happiness in that world, and finding a place for himself in it, but it doesn't seem to really affect the relationship itself a whole lot. We have pretty good boundaries in that things he does regarding his social world, don't really mean anything about my social world, and vice versa. We accept each other as different people.

There is the fact of being with someone who has a disability, and learning about the politics and issues related to that, but I am not exactly "neurotypical". My ADHD is another matter; probably more has been screwed up, in the past, by my ADHD issues than ever has by his AS issues. And I have an insane mother who is obsessed with networking and social conformity, and is so obsessed with it that she actually has no friends because nobody ever fits her standards. She's made our lives miserable very frequently over the fact that my partner isn't neurotypical (although I've come to have better boundaries and let my mom get to us a lot less; plus I've been clear with my partner that the woman doesn't like ANYONE and he's no exception, she would find fault with ANY partner... but it doesn't mean it isn't painful for him).

I'm just craving some connection and support. But not bitching... anyone had this experience of AS partners' communities/literature??

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Interesting conversations and turns of events
So, last night I convinced Mamacita to let me take her out to dinner.  I picked her up after having coffee with Lori and a coworker at Barnes and Nobles. 

I say dinner, but really we just went to Longhorn Steakhouse for appetizers and drinks.  It's enough.  Mom had a blackberry margarita and I had a mojito.  Drinks always mellow her out and loosen her tongue.  So we talk a bit and she mentions the Luzhen Defense again and how she's been worried about me moving to NY to live with my significant other.  My SO has Asperger's Syndrome.  I find it hilarious that she has SO much crazy stuff in common with him but because she's undiagnosed and she thinks there's NOTHING wrong with her, that she worries about the stress of me living with an Aspie.  If only she any idea how much her own Aspieness drives me crazy!

Still, apparently she's been watching the Luzhen Defense repeatedly, and reading online about Asperger's.  I'm glad she's educating herself.  Apparently the more she learns about AS and the more she watches Luzhen Defense, the more she at least sympathizes with my SO and Aspies in general.  While she realizes that a relationship between and NT and AS can be stressful and totally different, she also realized that being with an Aspie has it's perks.  I never have to worry about my SO lying.  Aspies tend to have a VERY strong moral compass.  Also, he will never do a lot of the stupid asshole guy stuff most NT guys do.  My SO has no interest in sports.  Mind you he also has no interest in TV, very little interest in movies, and knows far less than I do about music.  Still, he will go to the movies if I ask him to (and if he's interested), and he doesn't mind my music. 

My mom wonders what we talk about - but my SO and I have a lot of good conversations.  Small talk doesn't make much sense to an Aspie.  But get him going on any of our shared interests (philosophy, religion, sex, travel, books) and he can out talk me (and that's not easy!)  Supposedly Aspies aren't very affectionate, or won't look in your eyes, but I think this varies from person to person.  My SO is very affectionate, very cuddly.  He doesn't predict when I'll need a hug - or when I have other emotional needs.  But I'm a forward person and I have no problem asking for what I want or need from him.

AS is totally a spectrum, and truly a collection of different behaviors that in and of themselves doesn't scream AS, but put enough of them together and there you have it - an Aspie!  So last night I brought up to my mom that I thought my grandpa (her dad) was an Aspie.  She kept insisting that his behaviors were because he was from another generation (he was born at the turn of the century and was raised by a fairly Victorian family) and because what he did was typical guy stuff. 

For instance, Aspies don't really get the whole gift giving thing.  If and when they do it, they think about it VERY logically.  One time as a kid, my mom received a pitchfork from him as a birthday present.  Gee, thanks pops!  In my grandpa's mind, she cleaned the stable every day so a pitchfork was useful.  He had no concept that the gift should be something that the recipient would actually want and enjoy! 

I remember going to Macy's with my grandparents - I must have been about 5.  My grandmother wanted my grandfather to buy her a pearl necklace.  I guess he didn't buy her much, or if he did it was very likely useful stuff.  I remember her telling him that women liked getting jewelry, that he could afford it, and she certainly deserved it.  Thinking about it now, I don't think he understood why anyone would want to wear jewelry - or adorn their body.  He was totally against pierced ears.  Mom says it was because  he was the conservative type - but to an Aspie I would think that body piercing or jewelry in general is illogical.  My grandpa would roll over in his grave (had he actually been buried in one) if he saw all the ear piercings I have!

My mom will often give me gifts that she likes, more than give me gifts that I would actually enjoy.  I think she tries to, but it's hard.  She thinks that if it's something she's interested in, the rest of the world must find it fascinating too.  As a kid this was fine, because I didn't mind the stuffed animals, books, and ignored the stuff that didn't particularly appeal to me.  As I got older it became a problem and she would get upset that she'd buy me something and then I wouldn't use it, wear it, enjoy it.  Finally she went to getting me only what I specifically asked for.  I also only get her what she specifically asks for. 

Until last month, my SO hadn't bought me anything and when I gave him presents, he seemed interested that I would think to give him a gift.  I bought him some books that were about subjects I knew he'd enjoy.  Meanwhile my birthday and Christmas passed without anything from him.  When we agreed to move in together I gave him specific assignments.  We went to Atlanta a few weekends ago and his instructions were to buy me something he thought I would enjoy.  I could give him hints, I certainly wasn't going to be coy!

Shortly before the trip he bought me a DS game called Cooking Mama.  It was perfect, I LOVE stuff like that and we share his DS all the time.  I was totally pleased.  Then we went on the trip and he bought me a very nice bookmark (handmade with a wolf on it).  He also bought me a print of artwork that was totally adorable and in colors I love! 

Another difference between NTs and Aspies is that NTs are likely to reinforce how they feel about each other by saying something (I love you, I appreciate you, etc.) To an Aspie though, you only need to say it once.  They've said it, you know it, why say it again?  It's illogical.  I don't remember my grandpa ever saying he loved me, although I knew it.  He showed me he loved me in other ways - simply by spending time with me.  My mom thinks he was unemotional but I doubt it.  In terms of my SO, it was very difficult for him to verbalize how he felt about me.  Of course he showed me he loved me all the time - cuddling, looking into my eyes, holding my hand reassuringly.  But it was hard for him to get the words out.  The other day he wrote me a poem.  I will cherish it always, even should we part in the future.  I know it took him a LOT of effort to write it to me.  I won't post the whole thing as it's private, but the last two lines make me smile, warm my heart, and are just so Aspie.

I do love you, in my peculiar fashion.
I hope that it is sufficient.

Yes, darling.  It's more than sufficient. 

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Thankful to find this community!
I am in a relationship with an aspie I met half a year ago. Our relationship progressed from friendship to relationship without either of us pursuing it. It just happened, happily so. I went into the friendship/relationship knowing that he had AS.

Prior to meeting him, I worked with AS children in a small private school some years ago that practiced inclusion. While working there I came to the realization that my mother and grandfather both were aspies themselves. I somehow wonder if I am fated to having a relationship with an aspie. I seemed fated to work with aspie kids, as I got along with them very well and had an easy time developing rapport with them.

I read voraciously, but I haven't found a lot about adults with AS. Most of what I find is about children, and what I do find about adults seems to be fairly slanted against aspies. It's almost as if they think aspies aren't capable of feeling or caring about anyone other than themselves. I know this is not true about my boyfriend. He is caring, and genuinely interested in my feelings. True, he has difficulty expressing them verbally, but he does so by hugging a lot, and has been very good at talking about things when I bring them up. We are both learning a lot about each other.

I am looking to talk to other adult aspies, NTs living with aspies, and just anyone who might have some experience in this. I feel like I am going without a net. I can't talk to my family about it because they already don't understand AS, particularly my mom who is undiagnosed. I talk to his family, and his mother and sister have been wonderful to me, but I can't talk to them about our romantic life - it just seems too odd.

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Study for women with disabilities and their male AB partners

Are you a Woman with a Disability involved with an Able-bodied man?

Or an Able-bodied man involved with a Woman with a Disability?

Is your Disability Visible to other People when you are out in Public?

If so and you live in surrounding Bay Area of Northern California and have been in a monogamous relationship for at least one year:

You are invited to participate in a Study conducted by a psychology student at California School for Professional Psychology which Explores Your Relationship.

If you are interested Contact through this LJ page.

I am a graduate Student at Alliant International University, where I am getting a doctorate in psychology. I am looking for WOMEN with a VISIBLE PHYSICAL DISABILITIES who are with MEN who are ABLE-BODIED. THE WOMAN HAS TO HAVE HAD A VISIBLE PHYSICAL DISABILITY WHEN SHE FIRST MET THE MAN.

 

**This study has this particular criteria because it is studying certain factors and is not meant to be discriminatory towards anyone that does not meet this criteria. If you are a person or couple that does not meet this criteria  but would like some referrals please contact me.*:

 

 

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siblings?
why hello,

does anyone have a sibling who is neurologically or physically interesting? want to talk about it ?

sib_support

[sorry if this kind of post is not allowed]

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Scholarships for the disabled
I thought it might be a good idea to compile a database of scholarships for the disabled, focusing on college students but not exclusively so. If you would like to be apart of this, either to supply information or to receive the final file, look up this post title on creactiv_voice for further instructions.

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Are you American, disabled, and need help getting or getting training for a job?
Vocational Rehabilitation is the service intended to help you with just that. Here is where you can find your local office

If you have a problem with Vocational Rehabilitation Services, you can contact CAP or Client Assistance Program. Find out about what CAP is here . Im working on a state-by-state spreadsheet of CAP agencies, since those sites dont seem to provide such. If anyone can find one that does, please contact me.

Tell us about your experience with Vocational Rehabilitation or CAP at creactiv_voice

OR Creactivists Voice on Yahoo!

OR Creactivists Voice on MSN

Current Mood: curious

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Have you seen this?
Evictions off campus due to suicide attempts OR admission to a hospital for depression

I was outraged when I did. The last thing a depressed student needs is to be immediately tossed onto the streets. Yes I understand that these colleges/universities may not have the resources nor the necessitity to build mental institutions on campus, but certainly they should be required to treat their fellow human beings with some measure of dignity, if not even a trace of compassion. I do not accept the premise that they are seeking whats in the students' best interests. I wonder if in fact they are serving their own, in seeking shelter for their insurance policies away from legal storms. The problem for them is that within the ADA the legal standard for individuals with disabilities is the most integrated policies possible, in concurrence with the standards specified by the individual's treatment providers. There are certain factors that need to be considered here, such as whether or not the students could be defined under the law as persons with disabilities, etc. Even if these institutions of learning are safe due to these specific circumstances, it seems they are building their campus policies on quicksand rather than modern legal ethics.

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WRAP Program in Nashua NH
cross-posted in disability, Vermont, and New Hampshire interest communities courtesy of creactiv_voice

WRAP Program in Nashua, NH

This round of the 6 week program has already started, and they recommend that you don't start in the middle. The next round is slated for late November of this year, so sign up now!

For more information and to get on the waiting list, email:

michael@ dbsanashua.org

Current Mood: giggly

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Okay, so, my boyfriend and I are pretty sure he has Asperger's but he has really craptastic health insurance and we aren't sure (living as we do in a backwoods hicktown) where he could go to find out more information, etc. I have done some research online but would appreciate it if anyone has any suggestions for websites, books, etc. that might be helpful for us. He is having lots of trouble following commands etc. at work and is becoming very frustrated.

Current Mood: chipper

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Rate your local Vocational Rehabilitation Office at creactiv_voice
Be heard at creactiv_voice

Current Mood: crappy

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Introduction
Hi, I'm Cristina, and I've just joined and thought I should introduce myself. I'm a writer and journalist in California, and the fiancee and life-partner of Steve nllmki and we are very happy together :)

We're both on the autistic/Asperger's spectrum, but he's slightly more affected by the sensory aspects of it than I am, we think. I'd be interested in hearing from people here, learning how best to support and encourage him and make our lives happy together.

He and I moderate a community on LJ called atypical_talent that's intended to celebrate the lives of autistic people and other neuro-atypicals who made accomplishments in some field or another - and we are also writing autobiographical pieces about our lives together.

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Cross-posted like heck
Hi everyone! My name is Chris and I am an instructional aide at PACE (Pacific Autism Center for Education; www.pacificautism.org). I would very much like to atart working with my student towards him writing poetry. I have seen autism netverse and some of the work there is AMAZING! However, being new to the field, I am unsure how exactly to go about it. I have talked somewhat with my teacher, but wanted other points of view and resources as well. If anyone has any or can point me to some, I will love you forever and name my firstborn after you :-)

More specifically, while I despise cinquains and diamantes and things of that nature as being boring, anti-creative, and actually turning people off of poetry at a young age, I just now thought that an emulation of a poem (basically making a Mad Lib out of it) might be effective to start him down the path. What do ya'll think?

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