U Is For Union

″Whatever. Wedding, commitment, same difference.″ Ray threw the to-do list on the kitchen table and stepped over to stand closer to the fire. It was only early September, but it was already cold enough to use the fireplace nearly every night.

″I’m sorry, Ray. I don’t understand the problem.″

″And that’s part of the problem. Why are we even doing this if you don’t care about any of the choices?″

″I do care. I want you to be happy. So, I’m fine with whatever you choose.″

Ray pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his frustration under control. They’d been going over the list of arrangements for their commitment celebration and they were down to the final wire. They had to make the last decisions soon if they wanted to pull off the reception. Ben was no help whatsoever. All the plans had fallen to Ray even though Ben was usually the king of organizing. He could handle a to-do list better than anyone he knew. But this time he’d left it all to Ray.

It was time to ask the hard question. ″Do you want to have this thing or not?″

″Of course I do. We’ve already sent out invitations and I’ve said as much.″

″Then act like it. I’ve done all the planning except for these last few things, the catering and the cake.″

″But, Ray...″

″Don’t but Ray me. I need a favorite flavor.″

″Chocolate with white icing.″

″But you don’t like chocolate.″

″I don’t dislike chocolate.″

″It’s not your favorite.″

″But it’s yours.″

Ray shook his head. ″Not good enough. How about this? We do two layers, one chocolate for me, and whatever you like for you. But I need your flavor.″

Ben straightened his shoulders like he was commanding an army instead of deciding on cake. ″Lemon.″

″Lemon?″ That was a surprise. Ray couldn’t remember a single time that Ben had ordered or made lemon cake. ″Since when do you like lemon cake?″

″Since I had one of Constable Merrick’s birthday cupcakes. It was lemon chiffon with buttercream icing. It was quite tasty.″

″So you want a lemon and chocolate cake?″

″Well, you said it would be two tiers. We’ll have one of each.″

Bingo. Finally they had a winner. ″See? How hard was that?″

Ben rolled his eyes and came over to stand next to Ray. ″Harder than it needed to be. I’m more than happy to let you make all the decisions.″

″But see, that’s not what it’s all about. We’re supposed to be doing this together to celebrate our union. I feel like the bride and you’re the groom who’s being dragged into planning this shindig whether he wants to or not.″

Ben touched the side of Ray’s face gently. ″I didn’t mean to emasculate you, Ray. I just wanted you to have what you preferred.″

″You didn’t emasssuwhatsis me. I’m still a tough guy. I’m just making one of those little analogies that you like so much to make a point. We’re partners in this. I don’t want it to be one-sided.″

″I see. Well, in that case, let me step up and give you more input.″

Ray captured the hand still holding his face. He let out a long breath. ″Thank you. That’s all I’m asking.″

Sitting down on the sofa in front of the fire, Ray handed Ben his working list. ″Now, we’ve got until tomorrow morning to make the final decision about the food. We either just do drinks and some casual food with a buffet or something formal with servers. The cost of the second would be four times the first.″

″Which would you prefer? We have the money budgeted.″

Ray turned and stared at Ben in surprise. ″We have a budget?″

″Of course we do, Ray. You’ve been spending it for the last month. I suppose what we really need to discuss is our individual vision of the actual event. You tell me yours first.″

No way. Ray knew a Fraser trick when he heard one. ″Why do I have to go first? You go first.″

″Very well. I’d like to have a small gathering of friends. After our exchange of vows, I’d like to make a toast and allow any toasts they want to make. Then there’s food and drink as we mingle. After people have had time to finish eating their meals, then we cut the cake.″

″Wait a minute. Mingle?″

″Yes, we’ll just mingle and talk. We can move from table to table to talk with our guests. After the cake, we’ll come home. Then first thing on Saturday morning, we take off to the airport to start our honeymoon.″

″Which is still a surprise. How am I supposed to know what to pack if I don’t know where we’re going?″

″I’ll pack for you. Trust me.″

″Of course I trust you, but your idea of a honeymoon might be going hunting or something gross like that.″

″I assure you that there will be no hunting.″

″Okay, I’ll trust you, but if we end up fucking in an igloo, I’ll be pissed.″

Ben chuckled. ″No igloos. Understood.″

″All right. I think we’re on the same page on the reception with one big difference.″

″What’s that?″

Ray turned and grinned. ″You can’t have a reception without dancing.″

″Dancing?″

″Yes, dancing, and with dancing you’ve got to have music. I get to make the playlist. No opera or marching music.″

″But what kind of music were you thinking of playing?″

Ray decided then and there that he had to be in charge of one more thing. ″Listen, if you can pick the honeymoon spot, then I get to pick the music.″

″Oh, dear.″

″And you’re going to dance.″

″I take it you plan for us to do the traditional first dance in front of all the others?″

″Trust me on this. The first song will be nice and slow, very romantic. We’ll do a lot of practicing. You’ll be perfect.″

″But you know me and dancing, Ray. You’re so much better than I am.″

Ray leaned in and gave Ben a quick kiss. ″By the time I’m done, you’ll be able to do every step in your sleep.″

Ben returned the kiss and then whispered, ″Then let the lessons begin.″

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Ray stopped by the post office to pick up his prize. He’d paid extra for express delivery from Chicago, but that had been three weeks ago. He’d finally gotten the slip in their mailbox that the package was delivered and being held. Thank god. If it had taken much longer, he’d have had to scratch his idea for the party food and go to plan B. Walking up to the window, he asked, ″You got a package for Ray Kowalski?″

″You got ID?″

Pulling out his Canadian driver’s license, he held it out for the woman to examine. She was older, late fifties, had gray hair and brown eyes, eyes that were magnified twice their size by her over-sized reading glasses. Her name tag said Sally Reilly. She checked out the ID and then Ray’s face, then the ID again like she’d never seen him before even though he’d come in nearly every week or two since they’d moved to Whitehorse last year. She either had no memory to speak of or she did it just to annoy him. Ray would lay money on the second choice. Canadians were strange sometimes, not always the super polite folk they claimed to be. Ben called it being passive-aggressive. Ray called it being an asshole.

Finally satisfied that Ray was the real Ray Kowalski, Sally stood up straighter. ″Let me check in the back.″

Ray slipped his wallet in his jacket’s pocket and waited. After a few minutes she came back with a cube about 12 inches big. She shoved it across the counter and handed him a paper. ″That will be fifty dollars and ninety cents, please.″

Ray had already paid several hundred dollars for the contents already. What the fuck? ″What? What’s that for?″

″Customs.″

″Like a tax?″

″Yes. It’s based on the declared value of the contents.″

Ray grumbled under his breath. He’d forgotten about that whole customs business on purchased items from outside Canada. He hoped to hell it was worth it. ″You guys take a check or credit card?″

″Either.″

Ben hated when he used plastic, but sometimes it was necessary. Ray had just bought gas for the truck earlier and didn’t have enough cash left. He also hadn’t brought the checkbook since he rarely used it. He pulled out the emergency card and handed it over. ″Here.″

″Your ID, please.″

Ray complained. ″But you just looked at my ID.″

″Yes, but I need it again so I can run the credit card.″

Ray prayed for patience and gave her the license again. The person behind him was huffing and puffing. Ray turned and saw a young guy holding a package bigger than the one he had. The kid’s face had gone red as he stood there waiting. He looked to be about eighteen, but he had a black eye and a fat lip. Ray recognized the losing end of a fist fight when he saw one. He took mercy on the kid. Picking up his own box to move it out of the way, Ray said, ″That looks heavy. Put it up there if you want.″

The young man didn’t look convinced. ″You sure?″

″Sure. I’ll be out of here in just a minute.″

″Okay, thanks, man. Appreciate it.″ He slipped the box on the counter and held out his hand. ″Kirby. Glenn Kirby.″

Ray shifted the weight of his box to his left hip to free up his right hand. ″Ray Kowalski.″

After they shook, Kirby said, ″I’ve seen you around town. You’re the American who works for that lawyer Moody, right?″

″I do, yeah. Why? You need a lawyer?″

His face turned bright red and he shook his head. He wouldn’t meet Ray’s gaze. ″No, nothing like that. I’ve just seen you going in and out of the courthouse, that’s all.″

Before Ray could question him more, the clerk returned and handed him his paperwork, ID and card back. ″Sign at the bottom.″

Ray quickly scribbled his signature and then stuffed everything in his pocket. ″Thanks.″

″You’re welcome. Next.″

Despite his gut telling him there was more to the kid’s story, Ray walked away. As he paused at the exit, he stared at the young man’s back and wondered if he should wait and ask what the real situation was. The kid could be in trouble. Then again, Ray wasn’t there to solicit new business. If Glenn Kirby needed help, he could come into the office or call from jail like everyone else. Meanwhile, Ray had a package to deliver.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Tonya ripped open the box’s flaps and smiled with delight. ″Jason’s going to love this. He was worried it wouldn’t show up on time.″

″Yeah, me, too.″ Ray pulled out the first vacuum pack of Polish kielbasa. ″This is some of the best stuff ever made. He can use this for the hot dogs.″

The young waitress held up another pack and asked, ″It’s labeled Kowalski brand. Your family make this stuff?″

″I wish. No, these guys aren’t related as far as I know. They have a company in Michigan somewhere, but their keilbasa is served at all the Polish street fairs in Chicago every year. Plus, my mum used to buy it from our Polish deli. It’s my favorite. I had to order this special to get it here in time. So, you think Jason will be okay with using it for our party?″

″Sure. It’s an easy switch.″ Tonya put her package back in the box. ″You know, he’s been really excited about this whole deal. He’s only catered a couple of other parties and they went great. He wants to branch out and eventually maybe make a business of it.″

″Well, if he pulls this off with such short notice, I’ll put the good word out. Did he manage to get the ground moose meat for the sliders?″

″He did. He’s got a local supplier for that. He wanted me to ask you if you’re sure you want this done as a serve yourself hot dog and burger style event. He said he could easily do it where he makes them to order and delivers them to the table.″

″It’s informal. I just need for him to bake the buns and supply the condiments for the kielbasa or burgers. Oh, and there’s got to be sauerkraut, too.″

″For sure. And you still want the sides to just be chips, slaw and potato salad?″

″Like I said, it’s informal. I do want real plates and utensils though.″

″Goes without saying. Okay, I think with this delivery, we’re all set.″

″Good.″

″What about you, Ray? You ready for the big commitment?″

Ray smirked. ″It’s not like we’re not already living together.″

″I know, but this will make it special. I think it’s stupid that they won’t let you guys actually get married.″

″Couldn’t agree more.″

She touched his arm and squeezed. ″Maybe someday.″

″Yeah, maybe someday.″

But even as he said it, Ray didn’t believe it. It was a pipe dream that he and Ben could actually tie the knot like he and Stella had done so many years ago. He flashed briefly on that big day with his ex, all the fancy flowers, the big reception filled with over two hundred people he didn’t even know. But Stella had been gorgeous in her white lace gown that had cost more than his annual salary. She was happy with the whole deal, so he didn’t care, especially since his in-laws were footing the bill. Maybe if he’d paid more attention to what mattered to her then, they might have had a better chance of making it.

Then again, he wouldn’t have Ben if that had happened. No, he was happy about how things turned out. If commitment was what really mattered, he and Ben had it covered. He didn’t care if the law recognized their union. Their bond was permanent, legal or not.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

″I talked to Harry Sinclair. He’s more than happy to let you use his place for the week.″

Ben still couldn’t believe his luck. Tom Quinn had managed to help him find the perfect getaway for their honeymoon. Ben just needed to be sure there was no last minute obstacle that would stop it from happening. ″And you’ve told him that Ray and I are together? He doesn’t have an issue with our relationship?″

″His nephew is gay, so no. He’s pretty liberal for a Yank. Besides, don’t look a gift caribou in the mouth, Ben.″

″Ray would say gift horse instead of caribou.″

″Maybe, but he’s American. They get stuff wrong all the time.″

Ben chuckled. ″I appreciate you facilitating this, Quinn. I had another plan, but this works so much better.″

″And it’s cheaper, too, I’ll wager. All Sinclair asks is that you leave the place in the same shape as when you arrive. The property is decadent and pristine with outrageous panoramic views of the forests around Great Slave Lake. It’s almost too pretty to be real and not just advertising in some fancy home decorating magazine. The real waste is that he leaves the place empty most of the year and only uses it for vacations or lending it out to friends. He pays a local caretaker and housekeeper to come in and check it every week or so and to do the general maintenance. The rich, eh?″

″And what’s your relationship with Sinclair again?″

″Like I said, I’m his guide when he comes in during hunting season, mainly in the winter. It just so happens that I saved his life during this last moose hunt. We got ambushed by a grizzly.″

″I hope you didn’t have to kill the bear.″

″I was able to get a couple of shots off over its head. It ran away before I had to destroy it. To be honest, I think we surprised it or it would’ve run off sooner. Still Sinclair was impressed enough to say he owed me a favor.″

″Now you’ve transferred that debt to me. I owe you a lot for this, Quinn. Thank you.″

″You don’t owe me. Let this be my wedding gift to you and your partner.″

″We said no gifts.″

″It’s unlucky to turn down a gift, Ben. Take it and I hope you enjoy your stay.″

″I appreciate it. When are you arriving for the ceremony?″

″I should get into Whitehorse around noon on Friday. I’ve got a reservation at the Best Western through Monday.″

Ben couldn’t have that. ″There’s no reason to pay for accommodation. You should stay with Ray and me while you’re here.″

″No way. Besides, you’re going to fly out on Saturday morning, right?″

″We are, but you could still stay at our cabin until you catch your plane back home on Monday.″

″Thank you, but no.″

″Then let us at least pay for your stay.″

″Thanks, Ben, but there’s no need. I actually plan to meet up with another friend while I’m there, Eric Brightlight. He’s thinking about expanding his guide business. He’s offered me a job, maybe even a partnership.″

The idea that his old mentor might live so close thrilled Ben. ″I know Eric. He’s an excellent guide. I’ve recommended him to several tourists when they’ve asked for local tours.″

″We’ve been friends since my stint in the military.″

″So you’re going to move to Whitehorse?″

″It’s not decided yet. But the opportunity is there. I’ll know more after I talk to Eric. I have a decent business here in Yellowknife, but it’s good to have options.″

″Well, I’ll admit that I’d be excited if you decided to make Whitehorse your home. I’ve missed you, old friend.″

″And I you. Listen, I’ll call you before I fly out. I’ll bring the keys and directions to Sinclair’s place when I see you.″

″Excellent.″

″Later.″ Quinn hung up and Ben disconnected. Just the thought of having Quinn in his life again made him happy. Despite painful memories from their time together, Quinn had always been a surrogate father to him much like Buck Frobisher had been. He knew Ben’s circumstances and had taken time to teach him the ways of the land as well as about himself. He owed the man for a lot more than finding him a place to honeymoon.

″That was a long conversation.″

Ben glanced up to see Ezra coming from the break room. ″I was talking to an old friend who’s coming to do the commitment cerebration.″

″I’m looking forward to it. Angela and I haven’t been out since she got her teaching job. She’s spent nearly all her time getting her materials ready. Who knew elementary teacher had so much paperwork? Not me.″

Ezra’s wife had threatened to leave him a few months earlier because of his long hours. She wanted him to resign and for them to move to Yellowknife to be closer to her family. Now that she was teaching, she’d apparently changed her mind. ″But she likes her new job, eh?″

″She does. It just doesn’t leave a lot of time to do much in the evening. But she’s happier and that’s what matters.″

″I’m glad, Ezra.″

″Yeah, me, too. No more talk about me resigning. Anyway, did you get the notice that we’re going back to regular shifts as of today?″

Being so understaffed had led to a lot of overtime during the tourist season. Whitehorse still had visitors, but the number was greatly reduced come fall. ″I did. I’m glad to see it.″

″Same here. But we still haven’t solved the problem.″

″I know. We still need to find a way to recruit more people to fill those vacant positions. Our ad campaign had very little effect.″

″Well, keep thinking. We need bodies.″

″Not just any bodies, Ezra. They have to be qualified.″

″Of course, but we lost two more people to other cities, one back east and the other to the south. We need to find some way to not only find new officers, but keep the ones we have.″

″I’m open to suggestions.″

Ezra smirked. ″Hey, you’re the brain around here. You figure it out.″

″Well, we’re limited by the enticements we can use. We can’t really change the budget so we could offer more money. I still think finding some way to supplement what they pay for housing would help more than anything. How to do that, however, is still open for discussion and clarification. The service does offer a housing stipend, but it’s not enough, not when rental prices are so high.″

Ezra cocked his head and studied him for a moment. ″You and Ray are landlords. What would make you two rent for less money?″

Ben wasn’t comfortable talking about their own financial situation, but he still answered. He tried not to sound too defensive. ″We’re charging below market value for several of our units, which are for low income families already. We also rent to RCMP officers at a discount. However, not all landlords want to deal with the excessive paperwork involved and they don’t want to charge less for service members when they can get more from the general public. What we need is some way to get the government or the service to add more money to what they’re willing to pay officers to move and live here. It hasn’t increased in the last five years despite the steady increase in housing and the general cost of living.″

Ezra crossed his arms and shook his head. ″I don’t see that happening, not anytime soon.″

″In that case, I need to think of some more about possible solutions. There’s bound to be some way to get officers from across the country to see the advantages of living in the Yukon.″

″Good luck with that. Meanwhile, I need to talk to Paris.″

Ezra’s sudden shift to a more serious tone caught Ben’s attention. ″Is everything all right?″

″I’m not sure.″

″I don’t understand.″

Even though there were no others nearby, Ezra moved one step closer and leaned in slightly. ″I think Sergeant Malone is thinking about resigning.″

Surprised, Ben frowned. Malone and he had issues in the past but for the most part they functioned well enough together. Malone commanded nearly twice as many lower ranking officers as other sergeants. He also patrolled the part of the city that had the most bars, brothels and other illegal activities. Despite that, his statistics for arrests and convictions were stellar. He was an excellent officer.

″What makes you think that?″

″I’ve heard some rumors. I need to tell Paris. He can ask directly.″

″If he resigns, that will leave a big hole in coverage.″

″More than that, we’ll need another sergeant right away to take over that spot. We might even need two if we split that sector into two halves to make it more comparable to other areas. That might take some time. Higher ranking officers are harder to get than constables.″

Ben had a sinking feeling about what was coming. ″Which would mean the rest of us would have to divide and cover his command. Or one of us would have to take that position.″

″Exactly. Keep this under your hat until I know for sure.″

″But you’ll tell me as soon as you know?″

″I will, yes, especially when it means you’ll be likely first in line to be transferred to his position. It might even be permanent.″

That was what Ben was afraid of.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

″So, you might have to give up the training officer position to take over for this Malone guy?″

″It’s possible.″ Ben stoked the fire and then pulled the screen back in place. Once he settled on the sofa beside Ray, he added, ″I’m hoping that won’t happen. I enjoy being in charge of that program.″

″I know you do, but from what you’ve said, you’d be the obvious choice to take that spot. You have the highest rating.″

″I’m aware.″

″There’s no way you could turn it down or make it temporary until they get some new guy?″

″I don’t know, Ray. This is all supposition. I don’t even know for sure that he’s resigning. I just know what Ezra said.″

Ray sighed. He knew that if Ben had to change positions, it would likely mean longer hours, too. He didn’t like that idea one bit. But being a cop was being a cop. Orders were orders. Lord knew he’d been given more than one shitty assignment over the years. ″Well, I hope it doesn’t happen, but if it does, you’ll handle it.″

″I know.″ Ben reached over and put his arm across Ray’s shoulders. He drew him closer. ″All we’ve done since I got home was talk about my day. What about yours?″

″It was fine, nothing earthshaking or exciting other than I got the kielbasa in for the hot dogs.″

Ben chuckled. ″I still can’t believe you want to serve burgers and hot dogs for our reception.″

″Why not? It was either that or pizza. I wanted to serve what we like to eat. Besides, it’s really not hot dogs. It’s Polish sausage, and not just any Polish Sausage, but the supreme brand of Kowalski’s. My mum used to make it for me every holiday including my birthday. It’s my favorite. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water.″

″Maybe if there’s any left, we can freeze it for later.″

″Maybe, but the main thing is that I wanted to give people something to eat that represents both of us. For me it’s kielbasa, for you it’s the moose burgers.″

″I’m sure it’ll be fine. It’s also good that you’re giving Jason a chance to cater. He seems very reliable. As long as he doesn’t spice anything like he does the chili at the diner, we’ll be fine.″

″Oh, I’ve already talked to him about that. Tonya mentioned that he’s thinking about going into the catering business.″

″That sounds very entrepreneurial in spirit.″

″If that means it’s gutsy but risky, you’re right. But he’s young and determined. Plus, he cooks pretty good. But running a business like that takes more than good cooking.″

″It takes organizational skills.″

″And people skills. But one thing at a time. I just want the food to be good for our party.″

″Same here.″ Ben relaxed slightly against Ray and whispered. ″I have some news from Quinn.″

Quinn was one of the two out-of-town people Ben invited that said they’d show up when they were sent invitations. Plus, he’d offered to do the commitment ceremony. ″He hasn’t decided to ditch us has he?″

″No, he’s definitely coming.″

″So what’s the news?″

″He’s thinking about working with Eric Brightlight as a guide.″

That surprised Ray. The few times he’d met the Brightlight, he was a grumbler with a quick temper. The guy was okay with the public, but behind the scenes he was an asshole. His boss Gus Moody represented Brightlight a couple of times. Once was in a civil suit when one of his clients broke his leg on a hunt. Luckily, he’d had a signed waiver to limit liability so that he didn’t lose his business. The other time was for a bust up in a bar where the other guy came out the loser. Luckily, the charges were dismissed when they both admitted fault and paid for damages. Still, Brightlight came across as a lot different from Quinn who was one of the most even tempered people Ray knew. But then again, maybe opposites worked well together. Look at him and Ben.

″You think Quinn will take the job and move here?″

″I hope so. It’d be nice to have him close again.″

″Well, then I hope it works out.″

Ben pulled away enough to look closer at Ray. ″Why doesn’t that sound more sincere?″

″It is sincere. It’s just I don’t know Brightlight that well. He just strikes me as very different from Quinn.″

″I know Brightlight, too. They been friends since the army. They’re both natural trackers and hard workers. I think it would be a successful union. There’s plenty of guide work to be had for both men.″

″Then like I said, I hope it works out.″

″But you have doubts.″

Ray frowned. ″Why are you pushing this? I’m not lying when I say I want you to have your friend move here.″

″I’m sorry. I supposed I’m just a little defensive.″

″Why’s that?″

″I’m not sure.″

″No?″

″It’s just I suppose that having Quinn here would give me a more substantial link to my past.″

″Nothing wrong with that.″

″No, but I just don’t want to get too excited about it. It might not happen.″

Ray reached over and took Ben’s hand in his own. He kissed the knuckles. ″I hope for your sake Quinn decides to move. Now, let’s stop talking about Quinn and go to bed.″

″But it’s early yet.″

″I didn’t say let’s go to bed to sleep.″

″Ah.″ Ben stood up first and drew Ray to his feet. ″Excellent idea.″

″I have’em from time-to-time.″

″So you do.″

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

″Where’s the Yank?″

Ben stopped ironing his red uniform and looked up to see his father’s spirit standing just a few feet away. He wore a casual outfit, one that included jeans and flannel shirt. Ben had rarely seen his father dress so informally. It surprised him. ″What are you doing here dressed like that?″

His father glanced down at himself and back up again. He frowned in confusion. ″Dressed like what?″

″Like a civilian.″

″Oh that.″ His father ran his hand down the front of his gray and blue flannel shirt. ″It’s nice to relax from time-to-time. You should try it more often.″

Ben hurrumphed and returned to ironing his dress uniform. He wanted it perfect for the ceremony. ″Why are you here, Dad?″

″I thought I’d come to visit. Where’s the Yank?″

″He went into work early this morning. He has several cases going to trial soon.″

″That’s right. He’s working for that defense lawyer now.″

″He is.″

″Well, I suppose that’s better than nothing though I’d prefer that he worked for our side.″

″He is working for our side. He’s working for justice. Not every arrest is the right one.″

Instead of arguing, his father simply cocked his head to the side and studied his red uniform. ″You’ve removed your buttons.″

″I always do. I polish them and then sew them back on.″

″Just as your grandmother taught you.″

Ben smiled, fondly remembering how his grandmother had shown him how to do it a certain way each time. She’d been a very particular and meticulous person when it came to the tiniest of details. She’d aggravated him more than once as he grew up by being so picky about the most mundane chores. It took him years to understand that it was her way of showing her devotion and care.

″Yes.″

″She always did a grand job at keeping Father’s uniform pristine.″

″She did the same for yours, too, if I remember.″

His father’s wistful expression shifted to something more serious. ″She did that more than a few times after your mother died. I never really thanked her. I should have.″

Ben had come to the same conclusion after she’d died before he had a chance to tell her how grateful he was that she’d raised him when his father couldn’t. ″It’s good to tell people how we feel before it’s too late.″

″True enough.″

His father walked over to the front window and looked out, his hands clasped behind his back. ″So where is the Yank again?″

Ben put the iron on the side of the board and stepped closer to his father. ″I told you. He’s at work.″

″So you did. I forgot.″

″Are you having trouble with your memory again, Dad?″

″Again? Did I have trouble before?″

″You did. Is it getting worse?″

″I don’t know, Benton. It’s hard to know much at this stage of existence. But I didn’t come here for that.″ His father turned to face him. ″Is it true that you’re planning a faux wedding ceremony with the Yank?″

Irritation flared. How dare his father suggest that their ceremony wasn’t real or true. ″It’s not a faux wedding. We’re declaring our commitment to one another and exchanging vows. There’s nothing faux about it.″

His father held up a hand. ″Don’t get defensive. I was merely asking.″

″Well, calling it fake is reason to get upset.″

″I didn’t mean it like that. You have to understand, Son. In my day when two men lived together, they didn’t announce it, they hid it. It was taboo.″

″It still is taboo in some places, which is why we moved here from the U.S. We don’t want to hide who we are and what we are to one another.″

″It’s a brave thing to live together without pretense.″

″Perhaps, but it shouldn’t have to be brave to declare our love. We should be able to live together openly and be married. We’re no different than you and mom.″

His father pursed his lips briefly, but then nodded. ″You’re right. Though if you’d said that to me when I was alive, I’d have denied it. I have to admit that seeing you with your Ray has changed how I feel about such things. Yours is a genuine love, I can’t deny it.″

The quick anger caused by his father’s previous words faded. ″I do love him.″

″I know you do, Son. As for your ceremony, I do hope it goes better than the one I had with your mother. We had a small wedding. She was so happy and beautiful, but I had to go and spoil it.″

″Spoil it how?″

″Work of course. We got word that Clifford Waddingford had escaped custody and injured two guards in the process. It was an area wide manhunt. Buck and I both had to take off to go after him. I’ll never forget your mother’s disappointed expression. Sadly, it wasn’t the only time I saw it.″

His father turned to stare at Ben. ″Let me give you just one word of advice as your father, Son. Be dedicated to your work, but don’t ever put it first. Your partner has to come before all else. If not, you’ll regret it for eternity. I have no doubt that walking the earth forever without seeing your mother is my punishment for ignoring her during my lifetime. I put my wedding vows to my wife second to my duty as a police officer. Don’t make my mistake.″

″Ray understands how important work is.″

″But it’s not more important than Ray.″

Ben stood up straighter. ″No, it’s not. He knows that.″

″Does he?″

″Of course he does.″

″Tell him, Son. Don’t assume. Make sure he knows that you put him above all else.″

″Has he said something to you about it?″

″No. But I do wish I’d told your mother how important she was to me before it was too late. I just took it for granted that she knew. I didn’t say it. I just never expected her to die before I did.″

″But I’m sure she knew.″

″Did she? I don’t think I’ll ever be sure. Don’t make my mistake, Benton. Tell him. Let him know where he stands in your life.″

″I will.″

″Good. Now on that note, I think I’ll go for a walk, maybe see if I can find a gift for your wedding.″

″We’re not calling it a wedding and we told people not to bring gifts.″

″It’s a wedding. And it’s bad luck to turn down a gift.″

″That’s what Quinn said.″

″He’s right. Wise man, Thomas Quinn. A hell of a shot, too. You’d do well to listen to him.″

With that his father blinked out of sight. Ben rubbed his right eyebrow and wondered if his father was right about Ray not knowing he came first in his life. He vowed then and there to correct that. He’d need to revise and edit his commitment vows. He wanted to make sure there was no doubt about how much Ben both loved and valued his partner above all else. The service was important, but Ray was his life. He needed to tell him both in words and actions.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Seriously frustrated, Ray ripped off the sheet of scribbles from his notepad and crumpled up the paper. Then he threw it hard at the waste basket in his office. He missed by a mile and the ball was added to the others that littered the floor. He really needed to wear his glasses, but he hated them so much that he didn’t put them on unless he was aiming at something that really mattered. Now that he wasn’t a cop anymore, he rarely even drew his gun unless it was to clean it or put it in the lock box. That was a good thing, but it also meant, that he was out of practice. He figured he really needed to get to the gun range soon, keep his skills sharp in case things changed.

Reeling his mind back to his task, Ray stared at the blank piece of paper. Then he stared some more. His mind was a big wall of nothing. How the hell could he put into words what he felt about Ben? He was never good with words, not like his partner. What he thought never translated into how he really felt. It all just sounded corny and stupid. Maybe that was because he was stupid, especially when it came to writing about big feelings. Why in the hell had they decided to write their own vows? It was a lot of pressure to make it right, to make it special. Ben deserved that, but whether Ray could actually do it was another story.

He put his pen down and reached for his coffee. It was cold, but it would do. He’d had a lot worse back in Chicago. God, how he sometimes missed his hometown, his old job, and his friends. He closed his eyes briefly and pushed that thought away. There was no point in thinking about it. Chicago was a closed book, done, finished, another lifetime. Get over it and move on.

There was a short knock at his door. Ray called out. ″Come in.″

Cheri, their young receptionist, poked her head around the door. ″You decent?″

″That’s up for debate.″

″That’s what I heard. May I come in?″

Ray frowned. Cheri often teased him, but she rarely asked before entering his office. They were informal like that. ″Sure. What’s up?″

Cheri stepped inside and shut the door behind her. She waved a couple of blue folders in her hand. ″I’ve made the list of the addresses and phone numbers you wanted. I’ve also got your latest case reports printed and ready for your signature.″

″Thanks. That was quick.″

″Not really. You’ve just been hiding out in here all morning.″ Cheri put the folders on Ray’s desk before she stooped to pick up the paper balls and put them in the trash. ″So, you trying to win hermit of the year or what?″

Ray checked out the clock and couldn’t believe that it was nearly lunchtime. No wonder Dief had started bugging him to go out. Fuck. ″Sorry. I guess I lost track of time.″

As she threw away the last paper ball, she asked, ″So what’s going on, Ray?″

Instead of answering, Ray asked, ″How’s your mum?″

″She’s doing better. The ulcer medicine seems to be helping.″

Cheri’s mother had a cancer scare a few months earlier. Turned out it was a much more treatable condition. Thank god. ″That’s good to hear. Is she coming with you on Friday night to our ceremony?″

″She is. Plus she said there’s no problem with us watching Dief while you’re away on your honeymoon. We’ll take him back home with us on Friday night after the ceremony.″

″That’s great. Thanks.″

″We’re both looking forward to seeing you two get hitched.″

″Well, it’s not really hitched. Sort of hitched.″

″You and Fraser are more hitched than any couple I know. It’s ironic that we work for a lawyer, but you guys can’t legally get married. That sucks.″

″Yeah. It does.″

″So, I’ll ask again, why are you hiding out in your office this morning? You’re usually running around all over town with Buddy. He’s gone over to the courthouse to deliver some motions, by the way.″

″I wanted to get something important done, but I’ve got writer’s block.″

″Writer’s block? What is you’re trying to write?″

Slightly embarrassed, Ray hedged. ″It’s just something for the ceremony.″

″Your vows?″

″Nobody said you weren’t smart.″

″Thanks. So, what’s the problem? Writing why you love the guy and why you want to be with him forever should be the easiest thing in the world to write.″

″You’d think so, but you’d be wrong.″

Cheri cocked her head slightly and studied him. Her expression softened and she stepped closer to the desk. ″It’s hard to put into words, huh?″

″I’ve never been good with words.″

″That’s not true. You’ve got a way with words, a weird way, but a way. Just write what you think.″

Ray crossed his arms and channeled all the irritation from his past. ″Do you know how many teachers told me the same thing? I mean, what the fuck does that even mean? Write what I think? Who can do that? I try and it just comes out stupid, nothing like what I really think.″

″You write your reports okay.″

″That’s just who, what, when, where and why. The facts, no feelings, no I love you because stuff. Anybody can do that.″

″No they can’t.″ Cheri touched his shoulder gently and her voice was calm and even. ″Look, have you tried saying it into a tape recorder?″

″Tape it? Why would I do that?″

″Maybe if you say what you’re feeling, then you can just sort of transcribe what you say on the tape.″

It never occurred to Ray that he might be able to do that, but it had promise. ″You think that would work?″

″Well, if you can’t get it on paper directly, sometimes going around the back way will do the trick.″

″I have no idea what that means.″

″It means it’s worth a try.″ She patted his shoulder and then stepped to the door. ″You and the wolf go to lunch. When you get back, I’ll have a recorder you can use.″

″I can’t use it at the office. It’ll sound stupid.″

″Then take it home and use it there. It’s either that or just wing it at your own ceremony.″

″Wing it?″

″Sure. You wing it all the time. Writing stuff down doesn’t always mean it’s better. Sometimes just speaking from your heart is the best thing to do anyway.″

Ray found it hard to believe that such a young person had more sense than some of the older people he knew. ″When did you get so smart?″

″I come from a long line of smart ladies. Now, go to lunch before Dief decides to eat the next client who comes through the door.″

Ray glanced at the wolf and saw him licking his chops. He definitely had his hungry stare on. Of course that’s what happened when Ray came to work early and forgot that he’d run out of kibble two days ago. ″Good idea.″

″And bring me something when you come back. I’m starving, but I’ve got a stack of Gus’s notes to type out. No lunch for Cheri.″

″Never fear. I’ll bring you something good.″

″Appreciate it.″

The young girl with the pink hair and the bright attitude left his office. Ray thought how lucky he was to be surrounded by so many good people in his life. While he motioned for the wolf to follow him, he decided he should play the lottery, buy a few tickets and give them out as prizes. Lord knew he’d already won a jackpot with his partner and their new life together. Why not spread that luck to the people he cared about?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The first order of business was picking up emergency kibble for the wolf. Once Ray had a big bag of the stuff and some water, he went through a McD’s drive through. He’d been pleasantly surprised to find that even western Canada couldn’t resist the biggest and most famous burger joint in the world. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised that if people ever flew to Mars, there’d be the Golden Arches not far behind. Hell, they might even get there first.

Ray got a burger and fries and bought the same for Cheri. Instead of going right back to the office, he drove to a small downtown park right on the Yukon river. It was midday so the only people there were the mothers with babies and some older couples. Plus there was an old guy he’d seen dozens of times. He was aboriginal and walked with a cane. He had to be nearly ninety if he was a day. Despite that, he had long jet black hair, no gray. The man always wore the same outfit, brown slacks and heavy jacket. Sometimes he’d wear a wool hat, but not always. He did, however, always sit on the same bench, He did it every single time and then he’d just stare out at the water. He never talked to anyone else in person or on a phone. He never ate or brought a book to read. He’d just spend his time watching the river flow by. Ray couldn’t figure out if the old man was very zen or very lonely. Maybe he was a little bit of both.

And it wasn’t like Ray could say anything about his behavior being suspicious or weird. When Ray came to the park, he did the same thing except he pulled into the same spot each time and sat on the tailgate of his truck instead of a bench.

Ray put the food and water on the ground for Dief and then unwrapped his hamburger. Maybe if he ate, he’d come up with the right words for his vows. He took a bite and then just chewed slowly as he watched the river. In the background he heard babies crying and mothers cooing to try and comfort them. He saw one couple having a conversation, but they were too far away to hear what they were saying. The old single guy just sat there and stared like always. Ray sometimes wondered what the man saw or if what he saw had changed a lot over the years. He bet it had. He bet that the whole world had exploded with people and technology and just left the old guy behind.

Ray always liked to imagine stories about the different people he saw. Back in Chicago, he’d come up with some doozies just based on how people dressed or acted, what shoes they wore, what purses or briefcases they carried. Canada was different. He really didn’t now how to figure out what made them tick, not yet anyway.

Sitting there alone, Ray often felt like a stranger in a stranger world. It wasn’t his universe, or it wasn’t quite his universe yet. He wanted it to be and he was trying, but he didn’t feel quite settled yet. It’d been almost a year. He wondered how much longer it would take to feel like part of Ben’s world for real.

That brought him back to thinking about his vows. Suddenly the burger lost its appeal. Instead of wrapping it to save for later, he decided to treat Dief. He deserved it after going hungry all morning. As soon as it hit the ground, it was snatch up with a loud chomp like he’d never been fed. Greedy wolf.

″That animal should be on a leash.″

Ray knew that voice. Shit. He lifted and turned his head. ″Grimm. What are you doing here?″

″Just taking a break from court. You come here often?″

″When I want to be alone, yeah.″

Grimm grabbed his chest like he was wounded. ″Ouch.″

But then the guy smiled. It was an unnerving smile, kind of creepy. It was the kind of expression that mobsters often had. Lord knew Ray had seen enough of those predatory grins in his lifetime. He’d never trusted Grimm. Maybe that was part of the reason why. The guy might be a prosecutor, but he looked and acted like the scumbags Ray had put away back in Chicago.

″I guess that means you can’t take the hint.″

″Don’t be that way, Kowalski. We have to work together. The least we can do is be civil.″

″That goes both ways. So, what are you doing here? And don’t tell me you come here all the time because I’ve never seen you here before and I do come here all the time. So what gives? You following me or what?″

″Not exactly.″

″What’s that mean, not exactly?″

″I just thought we should talk.″

″About what?″

″Remember when I offered you a job?″

″I do and I told you no.″

″Which I think was very short-sighted of you.″

Ray was losing his patience. ″Stop dancing and spit it out already.″

″That’s what I like about you, Kowalski. You don’t waste time.″

″Which is what you’re doing.″

″The thing is, I’d like to offer you the job again. My main investigator quit.″

″Probably with good reason.″

Grimm kept talking like Ray hadn’t said a word. ″I need somebody as quickly as possible.″

Ray shook his head. ″I told you before, I’m not interested. I’ve got a job.″

″Yeah, but you’re working for the defense. You can’t tell me that’s what an ex-cop like yourself enjoys. I mean, working for me, you could put away the real assholes like you did back in Chicago.″

Why the hell was Grimm being so pushy? There had to be other investigators to hire. Something was fishy. ″Moody’s a good lawyer. I like working for him.″

″He’s okay, but he’s a bleeding heart. He buys the sob stories and there are times when that’s okay, but there are other times when he does his best to get people off who should be serving time, not walking around free.″

″Tell that to the judge and juries. He’s a solid lawyer.″

″He is. I won’t deny that. But I’ve done my research. You were one hell of a cop in Chicago. I want that kind of skill and energy on my team. I’ve got several big cases coming my way and without a lead investigator, it’ll be harder to put the people behind bars who deserve to be.″

Before Ray could answer, Grimm continued. ″I can up your salary, double what Moody pays you. Plus, and here’s the good part, I can waive the probationary period.″

Ray frowned. He knew how the system worked. There had to be some serious strings being pulled to get a waiver like that. ″What’s really going on, Grimm? There are plenty of other investigators you could hire, men and women who’d jump at that kind of offer.″

″I’m not making that kind of offer to them. I want you on my team, Ray. I want you working with me, not against me.″

Then it clicked. Thinking back over the last few months, Gus Moody had pretty much scored nearly every win against Grimm. That was mostly down to Ray being able to get him the information to do a great job. Apparently Grimm wanted to stop that winning streak by hiring the enemy.

Ray stood up and closed the tailgate on the truck. He picked up the water and food bowls and put those in the back. ″As much as I’m flattered, I’m not available.″

Grimm wasn’t finished. ″Look, don’t walk away from this. It’s great opportunity. At least talk to your partner about it.″

″I don’t need to talk to Fraser about this. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work.″

Grimm kept at it. ″What would it take? What can I do to persuade you to change your mind?″

Ray bit back saying Grimm disappearing might do the trick. However, the man was right about one thing. They did have to work together within the system. So, he kept it civil. ″There’s nothing you can offer me to change my mind. If you did your research, you know it’s not about money with me.″

″Yeah, I know. You and the Mountie got a windfall from Frobisher. I heard.″

″So you also know that we’re both still working and doing jobs we love despite not needing to lift a finger. When I tell you I like working with Gus Moody, I mean it.″

Grimm’s expression hardened. He wasn’t used to not getting his way and he obviously didn’t like it. ″You’re going to regret this decision. I can make your life a lot harder.″

″You can try.″

″I could start with having that animal impounded and giving you a ticket for having a dangerous animal.″

″We have a license and wolf-dogs aren’t illegal.″

″Not yet. Even so, it doesn’t mean you can have him out in a public place unleashed.″

″You really want to be that petty?″

″Try me.″

Ray rolled his eyes as he opened the door to the truck. Dief jumped in and went to the other seat. Ray closed the door and stepped closer, nose-to-nose. ″Don’t start this fight, Grimm. Like you said, we have to work in the same building and on the same cases. You took your shot to hire me and you lost. Don’t make it worse by looking foolish. People love Dief. They know him by name. They come up to me all over town and want to pet him. He’s a celebrity and a mascot, a retired hero from the RCMP and you want to put him in the pound? You really want that kind of negative publicity? Because believe me, I’d make sure people knew about it.″

Grimm finally blinked and then stepped back. ″Fuck you. If you want to work for the wrong side of the law, so be it. Don’t come crying to me when you need a favor.″

Ray didn’t answer, just shook his head and climbed into the truck. It’d be a sad day in his life if he ever had to ask Tony Grimm for anything other than to kiss his ass.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

″Do you think they’ll ever make owning a wolf-dog illegal?″

Gus Moody looked up from reading the background report on one of their newest clients. He took off his reading glasses and put them on the desk. ″Why do you ask?″

″Grimm kind of hinted at it. We were having a face off at the park.″

″A face off?″

Ray explained about the job offer and Grimm being an asshole. ″I said it wasn’t illegal to own Dief and he said ‘not yet’. Does he know something I don’t know?″

Gus put the report down before he answered. ″I’ve heard rumbles from different animal protection groups about passing a ban. It’s not made it out of committee yet.″

″Fuck.″

″Look, Ray, chances are at some point there will be a ban, but it’s not here yet. If one did pass, they’d have to come up with some kind of mechanism to retroactively allow people to keep their animals. There are a lot of mushers who have hybrids. These groups want to eliminate breeding them, so any ban might require that any existing wolf-dog be neutered or spayed.″

Ray’s mouth went dry. He couldn’t imagine having to cut Dief’s balls off. ″But Dief is old.″

″But he can still breed. I think the aim is to keep that from happening. Animal welfare groups want wolf genes to stay out of the domestic lines.″

″So, they’re really talking about this ban thing?″

″They are, but so far, nothing’s happened about it. That said, there’s a lot of momentum building, especially in other more urban provinces. I wouldn’t be surprised if they come up with something in the next few years. Even so, it could be just in the city and not the whole province. It’s hard to speculate.″

″Well, it would suck if they did. There’s no way Fraser and me would get rid of him. We’d have to move and go where it’s legal.″

″You’d move to keep Dief?″

″I think we’d have to. He’s part of our family. Fraser’s had him since he was just a youngster.″

″Then you’re right, it would suck. But that’s down the road. I’m sure there’d be a way to get an exception.″

″I sure hope so.″

″Grimm offered you a job again, eh?″

″He did. I guess he’s tried of you beating him at every turn.″

″Which is mostly down to your excellent research.″

Ray beamed. ″Thank you kindly.″

″Now you sound like your partner.″

″Nothing wrong with that.″

Gus leaned forward and clasped his hands together on the desk. ″So, you ready for the big ceremony Friday night?″

Ray wished he could say yes, but he couldn’t. ″Still have to write the vows.″

″I’m sure it’ll come to you. Do you know where you’re going to spend the honeymoon or is it still a surprise?″

″I have no idea. Fraser’s great at keeping secrets when he wants to. He’s even doing all the packing.″

″I hate to admit it, but a mystery honeymoon sounds kind of romantic. Ana and I, we spent months planning our trip to Paris.″

″You went to Paris for your honeymoon?″ Ray gave a low whistle as he teased. ″Swanky.″

″Yeah, it sort of was, but it was a one-time thing. She got an inheritance from her grandmother and we used most of it for our traveling expenses.″ Gus settled back in his chair and grinned. ″To be honest, it was really a waste of money.″

″How could going to Paris be a waste of money?″

″We hardly left the hotel room.″

Ray chuckled. He and Stella had done that, too. He still had no clue about the hot spots in Rome. He hoped it was the same with Ben. He really didn’t care where they went as long as they had sexy times together.

″Right. Got it.″

″If we went to Paris today, we’d probably see a lot more of the city, but I doubt we’d enjoy it as much as that first trip. I have to admit, I have very fond memories of that whole first week together as a married couple. Sped by like a bullet train, but it was fantastic.″

″So are you two coming Friday night?″

″Wouldn’t miss it.″

″Good.″

″I am going to miss you next week though. Still, you’ve earned the time off. I can’t complain too much.″

That brought Ray back to another thing he wanted to discuss with his boss. ″You know how you usually get a sub to do the work while I’m gone?″

″Yeah.″

″I’m thinking you might give Buddy a shot to work solo. He’s come a long way from when we first hired him. He knows the ropes now. I think he could handle it on his own.″

″You really think so? He’s just a kid.″

″He might look like it, but he’s twenty-one. I wouldn’t say he could handle it if I didn’t believe it. He’s got natural instincts about where to look and dig up information, stuff that’s not obvious. He’s also good with people. He does a hell of an interview. You should give him a chance to prove it.″

Gus wasn’t convinced. ″I don’t know, Ray. We’ve got two big cases next week.″

″I know, but most of the groundwork has already been done. Let Buddy give it a shot. If you think he needs back up, you can call in one of the other subs we use.″

Gus finally nodded. ″If you think he’s ready, sure. Why not?″

″Thanks. Now, any other questions about the Carson report?″

″No, it looks good. Thanks.″

″Then I’ll take off. I’ve got a bunch of stuff left to do for tomorrow night.″

″Sure thing.″

As Ray reached for the door knob, Gus added, ″Thanks for sticking with me, Ray. I appreciate it. I know you turned down a lot more money.″

″No problem. The thing is, I like you, Gus. I do not like Grimm. I wouldn’t trust him not to stab me in the back the first chance he got. No, you’ve been good to me and I thank you for that.″

″Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow morning then.″

″Later.″

As Ray walked out of the office, he saw Buddy Frank walking in the door to reception carrying a soda and two big bags of chips. ″Great diet there, Kid.″

″I’ve had worse. Besides, I’m a growing boy.″

″Come into my office. I’ve got some stuff to go over.″

″Sure thing, Boss.″

Buddy winked at Cheri. As he passed her, he put one of the two bags he carried on her desk. ″Enjoy.″

″Thanks, Buddy.″

Once he was settled in the chair, Buddy took a big drink through his straw. It made that awful bubbly sound when it’s nearly empty. ″So, what’s going on, Ray?″

″I told Gus that you’re in charge of the investigations next week. We’re not getting a sub. You okay with that?″

Buddy’s bright blue eyes went wide. ″In charge? All on my own? Are you serious?″

″You don’t think you’re ready?″

″No, it’s not that. I think I’m ready. I just didn’t think you thought I was ready.″

″Well, I do, so this is like one of those trial runs. You’ve got the week to prove you’ve got what it takes to get the job done without any hand holding.″

″You really think I’m ready?″

″I do. You pretty much handled the Anders and Bore investigations solo. I just did the proof reading. You’ve got a natural talent for this, Buddy. This is your chance to prove it. If it works out, we’ll likely get you started on getting your private investigator’s license.″

″My own license?″

″Well, we’ll start the process. It takes some official steps you’ll have to do like in-service sessions and some tests, but you’re racking up the hours already.″

″This is great. If I get my license, does that mean I can get a raise, too?″

Ray couldn’t help but grin. ″Yeah. It’ll also increase our ability to take on more cases.″

″Wow, I’m excited.″

″I see that. So, in other news, how are your college classes going?″

″The English is Composition 201, so it’s a breeze. Then there’s statistics. I’m enjoying that. They let me skip over some of the intro classes and go right to the ones on my level.″

″How did they know your level?″

″I paid to take proficiency tests. Those courses I passed, I got credit. Once I did that, I took placement tests with the counselor to decide what level to take next. I was able to enroll in the higher level course instead of freshmen intro classes.″

Ray remembered how Stella had managed to do that to move ahead whereas Ray had ended up stuck taking the basics. Buddy had the same smarts that his ex had. Personally, Ray hated college in general and math in particular. ″I was never good with numbers.″

″I like numbers better than words. Words can mean a bunch of stuff depending on the context, but numbers, well, you know where you are with numbers.″

″That’s one way to look at it. You taking anything else?″

″No. I’m just doing part-time. That’s all I can handle and work full-time, too.″

″Well, I’m glad it’s working out.″

″It is, thanks. None of this would be possible without you and Gus giving me the scholarship money.″

″It’s a good investment.″

″I just wanted to say I appreciate it.″ Buddy leaned forward with a grin on his face as he changed the subject. ″So, are you nervous about tomorrow night?″

Ray swiveled his chair a few times before he finally answered. ″I didn’t think I was, but I must be.″

″Why’s that?″

″We’re writing our own vows. I can’t seem to get it down on paper.″

″Writer’s block is a bitch.″

″Feels like it. I know what I want to say, but when I try to write it down, it comes out dumb.″

″Maybe you shouldn’t try so hard. Just relax and talk about how he makes you happy.″

″That might be a problem. The service is PG.″

Buddy smirked and then stood up. ″You’re a dirty old man, Ray, but you’ll figure it out. And, for your information, I’ve got a date tomorrow night. You did say could bring a plus one.″

That peaked Ray’s interest. ″I didn’t know you were dating. Do I know her?″

″No. I met her at school. Her name’s Dana Silverleaf. I really like her. She’s cute and funny. Better yet, she likes me, too.″

″That’s always the best combo. And, sure, bring her. We’ll have plenty of food.″

″Thanks.″ Buddy thumbed toward the door. ″I need to go pick up some articles over at the library. I won’t be back before closing so I’ll see you tomorrow.″

″Sure thing.″

As soon as Buddy left, Ray thought about how much the young man had changed for the better since he’d started working at the firm. He was definitely more confident and happier. It was a good thing. Ray liked to think he’d helped with giving his young assistant a better life. In the process he’d gotten a great guy to work with.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It was nearly end of shift, but Ben’s phone rang. Of course it did. It nearly always rang last minute before he could make his way out of the office. He picked it up and spoke automatically. ″RCMP, Sergeant Benton Fraser. How may I help you?″

″Benton? It’s Julie.″

Buck’s daughter was the other out-of-towner besides Quinn who had said she’d come to their commitment ceremony. He’d been delighted with her response. Ben hoped she wasn’t calling to cancel. ″Julie? It’s good to hear from you.″

″Thanks. The thing is, I got an earlier flight and I just landed. I was hoping it wouldn’t be an imposition for you to come and pick me up.″

″Not at all. I can be there in fifteen minutes.″

″I appreciate it. I could get a cab, but I really want to see you.″

Something about his friend’s tone seemed a bit strained, not her usual casual self at all. ″Are you all right?″

″I’m fine. Just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well and it was a long flight. It’ll be good to see you again.″

″Let me sign out. I won’t be long.″

″I’m just inside the building at the cafe. I’ll be waiting.″ Then she clicked off.

Ben stared at the phone for an extra second. Something wasn’t right, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions without more information.

″Hey, Fraser, you got time for a chat about next week’s schedule?″

Ben eyed Ezra and shook his head. ″I need to pick up a friend at the airport.″

″Okay, no problem. We can do it tomorrow morning before you take off. You are doing the half day, right?″

″I am, yes. Thank you.″

Before Ben took another step, Ezra came closer. ″Just a heads up, Paris will likely talk to you when you get back from the honeymoon.″

″About?″

″Malone’s position.″

″So it’s confirmed that he’s resigning?″

″Medical retirement. He’ll give you more information later. I just thought I’d let you know so you could have a chance to get used to the idea.″

″Thank you. I appreciate that.″

As Ben grabbed his cap and jacket, he stepped to the door. He needed to come up with a plan, one that would find a way to split Malone’s command or hand it off to someone else. But that was a problem for another time. First he had Julie to collect. He hoped she wasn’t another problem to solve.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Julie had lost weight since the last time he’d seen her. Her hair had been cut short, too, which made her face even more drawn. She looked older and very tired. ″Hello, Julie.″

″Benton. It’s good to see you. You’re handsome as ever. Ray’s a lucky duck.″ She stood up from the table, came around and threw her arms around his neck. She hugged him and then stepped back. ″It’s really good to see you again, my friend.″

″Same here. Let me get your luggage.″

Julie motioned at the one bag and the carry on. ″That’s all I brought. I’m only staying through Sunday. I have to get back before school on Monday morning.″

Ben picked up the bags and waited for her to get her purse. ″Where are you staying?″

″My dad recommended a B&B, Katherine’s Place, so I made reservations there. But before we go there, could we get something to eat? I had a sandwich on the plane, but I’m still hungry.″

″I usually make supper for Ray and me. Let’s get you checked in first and then we can go to the cabin. We can feed you and visit before I bring you back later.″

″How about I get checked in and then you call Ray and have him meet us somewhere to eat? My treat.″

″Certainly. We can do that, but you won’t be paying. It’ll be my treat. You, after all, refused to let us pay travel expenses.″

″That’s fine. I just want something to eat soon.″

Ben suddenly realized how pale she was. ″Let’s get you to your room. We’ll talk about where to eat on the way.″

Once they were in the Jeep, Julie asked, ″Where’s the wolf?″

″He’s with Ray. Diefenbaker was never officially working for the service. He’s a wolf-dog hybrid and therefore disqualified for certification. Since we moved to Whitehorse, I’ve not been allowed to have him on duty.″

″Well, that’s crummy.″

Ben thought that crummy described it perfectly. He’d gotten mostly used to not having the wolf with him every minute, but he had to admit that he really did miss his presence. Sometimes Ben even had to stop himself from reaching down to pet him or to discuss some interesting work event. Yes, adjusting to Diefenbaker’s absence was an ongoing effort.

Ben started the engine and headed back toward town. He asked, ″How are Patty and Bruce?″

″Bruce has been a lot better about taking her than before. He’s really stepped up after Dad died. I don’t think I could’ve managed on my own. Patty’s a wonderful kid, but she’s been a bit of a handful lately. She’s getting to that age when she wants to test all the boundaries.″

Ben chuckled lightly. He remembered his grandmother having a similar complaint when he’d been Patty’s age. ″Yes, children do seem to do that.″

″And I’m not complaining, but I have to admit it’s nice to get a break sometimes. She seems to act better with Bruce than me. It’s like she blames me for losing her grandfather.″

″I’m sure she doesn’t.″

″Maybe not, but it seems like it sometimes. At any rate, I didn’t fly all this way to gripe about being a single mom. Are you and Ray ready for tomorrow?″

″We are. Or I think we are. I’ll confess that I’ve left much of the planning to Ray, for which he’s chastised me repeatedly.″

″So why is that? You’re usually the one who’s all about the planning.″

″I’m not sure. I supposed it’s because I wanted it to be what he wanted. To do that, I let him make the choices. Apparently, he didn’t care for that decision. He wanted it to be a joint effort.″

Julie smirked. ″Well, yeah. It’s your wedding.″

″Commitment.″

″Hm.″

Ben was surprised. That sound came across as very judgmental. ″Hm? What’s that mean?″

″It’s just that I said wedding and you said commitment. What’s the difference?″

″Legality mostly.″

Julie reached over and touched his shoulder. ″I’m sorry.″

″For what?″

″That you can’t legally get married. It’s not right.″

″No, it’s not.″

″I wish it were different.″

So did Ben, but he remained silent. Nothing he said would change the reality. She squeezed his shoulder and then released him. Then she dropped the touchy subject for which he was grateful. ″Do you know where this B&B is?″

″I do. It’s not far off the downtown strip.″

″Is it nice?″

″I’ve not stayed there before, but it seems cozy, very homey, but suitable for a modern traveler. The owner is very friendly. She’s an older woman, a widow, Mrs. Downey.″

″Sounds good. So where do you want to eat?″

Ben mentally ran down the list of the nicer restaurants in town. He settled on Ray’s favorite. ″There’s a place called The Stone Inn. They have good steaks and have a nice selection of side dishes and desserts. Ray is partial to anything with chocolate.″

″Same here. Works for me.″

As they pulled into the lot for Katherine’s, Ben parked. ″I should call Ray. He might have already left and be heading to the cabin.″

″That’s fine. I’ll go inside and check in. Could you please bring my bag with you when you come inside?″

″I will, yes.″

Julie got out and grabbed her purse and the carry on. She closed the door and left. Ben grabbed his phone and made the call. Ray picked up almost right away. He sounded winded. ″Hey, Ben, I meant to leave half an hour ago, but I’m running late. Sorry. I should head home in about five more minutes.″

″Change of plans.″

″Yeah?″

″Julie flew in early. She wants to have supper together. We’re going to The Stone Inn.″

″That works great. Thank god I hadn’t made it home already and I’m wearing decent clothes for a change.″

″Indeed.″

″So, did she say why she came early?″

″No, not exactly. She says Patty is growing up and testing her.″

″Growing pains are the worst.″

″But there might be more. I’m not sure. She seems strained.″

″Well, she could just be tired from the trip.″

″She could be. I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes at the Inn.″

″Sure. Love you.″

″Love you, too, Ray.″

The line went dead and Ben put his cell phone back in his pocket. He got out and grabbed Julie’s luggage. The sooner he got her food, the sooner she’d tell him the real reason she flew all the way across the country to see him a day early.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Julie wiped her mouth and put the napkin on the table. ″This was an excellent idea. That was one of the best sirloin steaks I’ve had in a while.″

Ray nodded in agreement. ″Yeah, they grill it up just right. I’m partial to the scalloped potatoes myself.″

Ben chimed in. ″Their salads are excellent.″

Ray and Julie exchanged glances before giggling. Ben asked, ″What?″

Julie answered first. ″You’re always the healthy one.″

Ben defended himself. ″You had a salad, too.″

″I did, but I had the decadent dessert to top it off.″

Ray agreed. ″Yep, that chocolate lava cake was almost as good as sex.″

Ben’s cheeks burned and Ray grinned. Sometimes Ray loved being ribald. What he thought of as playful sometimes pushed the boundaries of propriety for Ben. Then again, Ray was a lot less repressed about talking about sex outside the bedroom than Ben was. Ben actually envied his partner’s ability to freely discuss his sexuality.

He must have been too quiet for too long because Ray added, ″Don’t worry. I said almost.″

Julie laughed and she looked a lot more relaxed and happier than earlier. ″Good to know. Lord knows, I’m glad someone’s having good sex. Being divorced sucks.″

Scandalized, Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Sometimes he couldn’t believe what others said outside the privacy of the own home. He knew he was often accused of being a prude, but he couldn’t help it. A hand covered his own and he looked up to see Ray staring at him with concern. ″You okay, Ben?″

″I just think we need to change the subject.″

″You’ve got it.″ Ray turned to Julie. ″So how come you flew in early? Ben said Patty’s pushing your buttons.″

″Nothing I can’t handle. To be honest, she’s a lot like I was at that age. Serves me right for giving my parents a hard time.″

Ray chuckled. ″Yeah, I can’t say anything about that, either. I was always testing limits. I think that’s pretty much the job description for kids.″

Ben leaned in closer. ″I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’re an excellent and caring mother, Julie.″

″Thank you for saying that.″ She reached down into the carry on bag she’d brought with her from the B&B and pulled out a gift. It was wrapped in gold paper and had a matching ribbon. She held it out to Ben. ″I know you said no presents, but I had to bring this. I thought I’d give it to you early instead of at the ceremony. That way you can open it in private.″

Ben took it and studied it carefully. It was obviously a book of some sort. ″My father said it’s bad luck to protest a gift, so thank you.″

″You’re welcome. I want you to open it tonight when you get home.″

Ben said, ″We’ll do that.″

″The thing is, I can’t explain how I found it or why I even looked.″

Ben cocked his head to the side at the curious statement. ″You found it?″

″Yes. It’s my dad’s. I had some of his stuff still stored from the clean out of his apartment in my garage. Then suddenly a few days ago I had this compulsion to go through it again. I kept having these dreams that had me searching for something. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had to keep looking until I found it. I must have missed it the first few times I checked. But as soon as I saw it, I knew I had to bring it to you.″

Ray asked, ″What is it?″

Julie shook her head. ″It’s for you two to find out when you’re alone. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need the lady’s room. Then you can take me to the B&B where I plan to take a long hot bath and have a couple of strong drinks before sleeping until late tomorrow morning. Then I plan to treat myself to some spa specials before your ceremony tomorrow night. I’ve already got the day booked. I can’t wait.″

She stood and walked away from the table. Ben hadn’t taken his eyes off the gift. He had a feeling he knew what it might be, but he couldn’t be sure. Buck had mentioned the possibility before, but it had never materialized. There was always some excuse for not having or sharing it with his younger self. If it was what he thought it might be, it was the best gift his old friend could ever give him.

Ray whispered, ″You okay?″

″I think so.″

″Do you know what it is?″

″I think so.″

″Is that a good thing or a bad thing?″

Ben met Ray worried gaze. ″If it’s what I think it is, it’s a very good thing.″

″Then that’s okay, right?″

″Absolutely.″

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

″Wow. Your mum was beautiful.″

Ben choked back the tears as he ran his palm over the picture of his mother standing next to Buck Frobisher. She was young, only in her early twenties. She was laughing at whomever was taking the picture. He assumed it was likely his father. ″She was.″

″And you’ve never seen this photo before?″

″No. Buck said he had some pictures of my parents, but he never seemed to have them with him when I asked. He kept promising to give them to me, but I just assumed they didn’t exist or they’d been lost. He was incredibly forgetful.″

As he stared at his mother’s face, a tear ran down Ben’s cheek. ″I wish I’d had this before.″

″You have it now.″

Ray wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and pulled him close. Ben brushed away the tear and Ray squeezed even harder. ″It’s okay to cry.″

″I know, but I shouldn’t be crying, not now. She’s been gone for most of my life.″

″That’s the point. You lost out on having her for most of your life. Still, it’s nice to see pictures now.″

″It is.″ Ben composed himself and Ray released him. Ben turned the page and saw two pictures, one of his parents standing side-by-side. His mother was staring at his dad and his father was grinning like a fool at the camera. God, she’d been so in love with his dad. They’d been happy together. It was good to actually have some visual evidence of that fact.

The other picture on the page was of the three of them. The two men were arm wrestling, staring the other down, making a big show of being he-men. His mother stood in the middle and she was obviously yelling and screaming like several other people in the crowd.

Ray asked, ″I wonder when and where this was taken. It looks like some kind of party.″

″I’m not sure. Nothing’s labeled with a date or place. Perhaps I’ll ask my father when he stops by.″

Ben turned another page and again he saw several photos, all telling the same story, his mother and the two men being together. By the tenth page the scene changed. There were several pictures of his mother who was obviously very pregnant. Then there were some her holding the baby, the baby being Ben. He’d never once seen any of those photos.

By the middle of the book there was a whole host of pictures of Ben as a child. He was walking, holding his mother’s hand as he explored the natural world around him. Others were Ben reading a book, Ben eating, Ben standing next to a husky mix. Ben paused and grinned. A warmth spread through him as fond memories returned. ″That’s Jack.″

″Jack? He looks like Dief only darker.″

Ben cocked his head and then glanced over at the wolf sleeping by the fire. ″He does, doesn’t he? I never made that connection before.″

″So tell me about Jack.″

″He was my first and only dog before I got Dief. If I’m not mistaken, he was also a wolf-dog.″

″So what happened to him?″

″I don’t know. After Mom died, Jack was just gone.″

″Gone? You mean he ran away?″

″No.″ Ben closed his eyes briefly and pushed away the hurt from remembering another loss. ″I suppose my father gave him away. I have no idea to whom.″

″He just gave away your dog after your mum was killed? Fuck.″

″I’m sure it was because my grandparents didn’t want a dog. To be honest, they didn’t want me. I suppose it was the best my father could do under the circumstances.″

″It still sucked.″

″It did, indeed, suck.″ Ben touched the picture of a small dark-haired boy holding on to a dog bigger than he was. ″He was a brilliant dog. He slept in the bed with me from as far back as I can remember. We were always together. God, how did I forget about that, about him?″

Ray touched his sleeve and Ben turned the page. He froze but then grinned. ″Oh, my goodness.″

″Fuck, Ben, you’re wearing a Mountie outfit.″

″I am.″

″And you can’t be more than three or four.″

″I’m four. It was my birthday gift. My mother made it for me. She used one of my grandfather’s old dress uniforms.″

″You were a cutie even then.″

Ben teased. ″You just like red uniforms.″

Ray nudged him with his shoulder. ″I like what’s in some of those red uniforms.″

″Indeed.″

On the last page there was one final shot. His mother standing in front of their cabin with a small Benton and Jack by her side. She was older, sadder, but still wore a small smile. She had her hand raised as she waved goodbye. Ben touched the photo again. ″I think this is the last time my mother saw my father.″

″How do you know that?″

Ben swallowed hard and worked to keep his voice steady. ″I look about six and that’s the blue gingham dress she had on when she died.″

″Fuck. I’m sorry.″

″It was decades ago.″

″Still hurts to remember.″

Ben confessed. There was no use in lying to Ray. ″It does.″

″Do you think it’s your dad or Buck taking the picture?″

″It was Buck. My father never took photos. He didn’t even own a camera. Buck was rarely without one when I was little. It’s odd, after Mom died, Buck stopped taking pictures.″

Ben closed the photo album and sighed as he put it on the side table. ″Buck always said he had a collection of pictures that I should have, but he always had an excuse for not giving them to me.″

″Well, now you have them. You could make copies and we can put some of your favorites around the place.″

Ben wasn’t sure he was ready for that, seeing the faces of his parents on a daily basis, especially his mother’s. It shouldn’t be painful, but it was. He loved his mother, but it still hurt to know he’d lost her so soon. ″Perhaps.″

″Just a suggestion.″

Ben let Ray pull him into a hug on the sofa. He rested his head on Ray’s chest. ″I’m tired.″

″Going down Memory Lane can be exhausting.″

Ben snorted in amusement. ″Yes, it can be. But it’s still a good thing. I only had the one picture of my family before this gift.″

″Now you have a bunch. Funny how Julie just happened to find it and then flew out early to make sure you got it.″

″It is odd, but I’m glad she did.″

″Yeah, me, too.″ After a few moments of quiet, Ray whispered, ″We’re going to be hitched by this time tomorrow.″

″We’re already hitched.″

″True enough. So, why are we doing this shindig again?″

″I believe you wanted an excuse to have a party.″

″Oh, yeah. Can’t wait.″

″Neither can I.″

″Personally, I’m looking forward to the honeymoon part. Sure you can’t give me a hint?″

″How about I give you a preview of the main event?″

Ray chuckled. ″Works for me. I’ve always loved the whole coming attraction thing.″

″Then let’s go and I’ll demonstrate.″

″Lead the way, Mountie Man.″

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

″So how did you like my gift?″

Ben turned from the sink still holding the glass of water to see his father standing there. This time he wore his brown uniform, but no hat. It was well after two in the morning and Ray had finally gone to sleep. Ben kept his voice down to a whisper so as not to wake him. ″What gift?″

″Buck’s daughter brought it to you.″

Confused Ben asked, ″How is the photo album a gift from you?″

″Who do you think got her to find it and bring it to you?″

″How did you do that? Can she hear you now?″

″Not exactly.″

″What does that mean, not exactly?″

His father expression grew a bit brighter. ″It was a test really. I tried talking to her when she was awake, even yelling, but to no effect. But she’s more open to suggestions when she’s sleeping. I kept telling her to look for Buck’s photo album. After a couple of nights, she started hunting for it. I’m not sure if she was sure what she was looking for, but apparently she received enough of my message to keep at it until she found it. I was thrilled.″

Ben wasn’t quite sure if he liked the idea of his father covertly trying to manipulate people like that, especially someone so vulnerable as a woman who’d recently lost her father. ″You influenced her in her sleep?″

″Apparently. Maybe if try harder, I can get her to find that old fishing rod that Buck never returned.″

″And what would you do with it? Do dead men fish?″

″We do a lot of things. We fish, we hunt, we do nearly all the things we did when were living. We’re just doing it in a different dimension.″

″Which you seem to move back and forth from quite easily.″

″Oh, it’s not so easy. Otherwise more people would do it. But back to the question, did you like your wedding present?″

Ben knew it would be useless to talk about the ethics of influencing Julie from beyond the grave. Instead, he just answered truthfully. ″I did. I’d forgotten how beautiful Mom was.″

His father’s voice seemed lighter as he spoke about his one true love. ″She was, indeed, the most beautiful woman in the world. She was kind, too, so clever and endearing. She made me laugh. I was so lucky she chose me.″

″I could see from the pictures how much she loved you.″

His father stepped closer. ″She loved you too, Son. After you were born, her whole focus changed. I was her husband, but you were her only child. I’ll make a slight confession, Benton. I was a bit jealous of you that first year or two. All her attention went to you, or it seemed to. But that’s just being a good mother. She was ferocious in her defense of you. And, she was so proud. Every milestone you had she’d tell me in minute detail. Sadly, too many of those benchmarks in your childhood were missed by me. I was away far too often.″

His father turned away then and walked over to the window. He stared out at the dark. ″Then she was gone and I was lost, Son. Totally and completely lost. I was so devastated. I was consumed with rage as well as grief. I wasn’t fit to be around.″

It was a story he’d heard more than once. ″And that’s why you sent me to my grandparents. I know.″

His father finally turned again to face him. ″No, you don’t know. I was not only unfit to raise you then, but I was unsafe. I was so focused on revenge, taking care of a small boy who’d just lost his mother, well, I just couldn’t do it.″

″I do understand, Dad. I didn’t when I was a child, but I do now.″

″I know, and I appreciate that, Son. Your forgiveness of my shortcomings means more to me than you can ever know.″

Ben had come to terms with his past long ago, but he did have one more question. ″What happened to Jack? Who did you give him to before you sent me to your parents?″

His father frowned. ″What are talking about?″

″Jack, my dog. Who did you give him to?″

″You don’t remember?″

″What am I supposed to remember?″

His father’s expression darkened. ″I’m so sorry, Son. I had no idea that you didn’t recall.″

″What is it?″

″Jack was killed defending your mother. They shot him three times. He’s buried behind our old cabin.″

His body went cold and Ben pulled out a chair from the kitchen table to sit. He drained the water from the glass and put it down. ″Why don’t I remember that?″

″I don’t know, Son. You stayed with Buck while I took the body away.″

″So, you didn’t give him away to a neighbor?″

″No. I buried him. He was a loyal beast.″

″He was.″

″I would’ve never given him away. I knew how much he meant to you. But now that I think about it, I vaguely remember wondering at the time why you never asked about him.″

″I don’t remember that, either.″

″It was a traumatic time.″

It made sense that Ben would’ve forgotten many things about that day. His one clear memory was coming out of the woods to see his mother’s bloody body on the ground in front of the cabin. After that, there was nothing, just blank space. His next definite memory was days later on a plane sitting next to Buck going to his new home. He’d always just accepted what he’d been told about his father’s absence in his life. It would be temporary, just until his father had some ″breathing room″ to grieve and straighten out the details of his life. He would come for Ben soon. Instead, Ben stayed with the elderly Frasers until he went to the Depot to train to be a constable when he was eighteen.

All those resentments had been hard to manage, but after his father’s death and then his visitations, Ben had realized that his father was just another man like so many others. He had his strengths and his weakness. He’d even come to like his father again, not just love him because he was his father.

But this new revelation opened up questions in his mind about those days between when his mother died and when he’d come back to himself on that plane trip. What else had he forgotten? Was it important? How could he know?

″There’s no need to go back over that time, Benton. It serves no purpose. It’s better that you don’t remember. Lord knows, I wish I could forget.″

″But that should be for me to decide, Dad.″

″Perhaps, but you were six. You spent most of that time either crying or sitting there in a stupor. Buck said it was shock, which was understandable. Don’t rehash it.″

″Then why give me the pictures? They’ve stirred up all kinds of questions in my mind about Mom. I missed out on so much.″

″We both did. There’s nothing to do about that. Maybe the pictures were a mistake.″

Ben shook his head. As painful as some of his reactions were, there were far more good ones than bad ones. ″No. I’m glad I have them. Thank you.″

″You’re welcome. You should probably get some sleep. You’re getting married later today. You want to be rested.″

For once Ben didn’t correct him about the getting married part. ″I think of us as already married. This is just announcing it to our friends.″

″I hope you have a wonderful life with the Yank.″

″Thanks, Dad.″

His father’s ghost blinked away and Ben just sat there. He considered what he’d learned about Jack. What a brave dog he’d been. Ben glanced over at Diefenbaker snoring away in front of their fireplace. How lucky he’d been to be gifted not once, but twice with wonderful animals to help him though his life. He had no idea what he’d do when Diefenbaker left this earth, but thankfully that was a quandary for another time.

″What are you doing up? Got the jitters?″

Ben smiled at his rumbled partner standing in the doorway rubbing sleep from his eyes. Ray always looked so adorable when he first woke. ″No, no jitters.″

″Good. Now stop messing around and come back to bed. We’re getting hitched in a few hours.″

″Understood.″ Ben stood up, put the empty glass in the sink and walked over to pull Ray into a hug. ″I love you, Ray Kowalski.″

″Yeah, same here. Now can we turn off the lights and get some shuteye? I want to be ready for the good stuff after the ceremony. We’ve got the reception and then we start the honeymoon.″

Ben pushed all the hard feelings he had about his childhood out of his mind and caressed Ray’s cheek. ″Why wait?″

Ray captured his hand and then headed back to the bedroom with a big grin on his face. He was good with not waiting.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Ray paced right outside the chapel doorway. Ben tutted. ″Calm down, Ray. It’s fine.″

″I know it’s fine.″ But it wasn’t, not in his head. He’d never gotten his vows down on paper. His mind was reeling in all directions. The one thing he didn’t want to do was make a fool of himself in front of their friends. Ben deserved better than that.

″We could just cancel the ceremony and go straight to the reception.″

Ray stopped in his tracks and stared in disbelief. Surely, he hadn’t heard right. ″Cancel? Are you kidding?″

″No. If you’re this nervous, we don’t have to go through with it. It’s just a ritual. In my mind we’re already committed.″

Ray’s heart tightened in his chest. There was only one answer he wanted to hear. He needed to know that Ben was all in, no backing out now. ″You want to skip it?″

″No, but I don’t want you to be upset, either.″

″I’m not upset. I’m just, well, I’m not sure what I am.″ Ray ran his shaking right hand through his hair, trying to figure out why he was reacting like he was. It’d been his idea to have the ceremony in the first place. ″Look, everything’s ready for the reception over in the meeting room. We just go in, have Quinn do his thing and then we’ll say what’s what, exchange our rings and kiss. It won’t take long.″

″What’s what?″

″You know, our vows.″

″I understand.″ From inside the chapel, the music started. Cheri had offered to play the piano for their entrance. Ben asked, ″Are you ready?″

Ray swallowed hard, working to steady his nerves. Hearing the song that Ben picked, something called Paco something or other’s cannon, seemed to settle him. It was pretty in an old fashioned kind of way, though what the hell getting married had to do with cannons, Ray had no idea. Maybe it was a Mountie thing.

″Are you?″

″Yes, Ray, I am.″

Ben held out his arm, but Ray shook his head. In all the planning they hadn’t really discussed how they’d walk down the aisle together. Ray had a different idea than holding on to Ben’s arm like the bride. He said, ″I want us to hold hands instead. We’re equals.″

″Yes, we are.″ Ben smiled and nodded in agreement. He raised his left hand and Ray took it. He kissed it first, noting the bare ring finger. Ray had Ben’s wedding ring in his pocket just like Ben had his in his uniform pocket. It felt strange to be without it on his finger. But he’d soon fix that.

With a big grin, Ray opened the door and walked through. Heads turned as they walked together toward Quinn who stood there waiting patiently. The older man wore a gray suit which seemed odd on him, but seemed fitting for the moment.

Once they reached the front of the chapel. The music stopped and Cheri slipped into the pew next to her mother. Quinn raised his hand to stop any whispers. ″Welcome friends and neighbors. We’re gathered here today to celebrate the love and commitment of Sergeant Benton Fraser and Stanley Raymond Kowalski. Both have had a long journey alone, but have now joined in the great adventure of all time, a journey of love and companionship for the rest of their lives and beyond.″

″Before we hear their vows, let me just say that real love is not based on romance, candlelight dinners and sweet words or kisses when life is good. It’s based on respect, equality, compromise, and care. It’s based on communication as well as passion and it’s not just something you feel, but do each day, good days and bad days. Ray and Ben have taken the daring first step into the world of love by swearing to forsake all others and devote themselves to one another above all else.″

″Now, let us begin.″ Quinn glanced at Ben first and then motioned for him to start.

Ben turned to face Ray, taking both his hands in his own. ″On the first day I met you, you literally saved my life. You took a bullet to chest meant for me. I knew then you were someone special, a truly brave and beautiful man. Little did I know at the time how your life would impact mine. Day after day, my admiration grew until it became something far more important than professional high regard. When we nearly died together on the Henry Allen, Ray, I knew I couldn’t let you go on without knowing my true feelings. It was the greatest gift in the universe to find out that you shared those feelings.″

Ben gripped Ray’s hand even tighter. ″And when you gave up your career as a detective to move to Canada for me, for us, I was flabbergasted, nearly overwhelmed by your love and support. I’ve never in my life had anyone who loves me like you do, Ray. I pledge to you now in front of witnesses to always love and cherish you, never to give you cause to leave me, to always be there when you need me. I love you and want us to be together forever.″

Ray’s eyes stung. Even though Ben had told him how he felt a hundred times, hearing it said so eloquently, so passionately gave him goosebumps. God, how fucking lucky was he to have found a man like Ben to love him like that?

Ben squeezed Ray’s hands as a signal for his turn to start talking. What the hell could he say that would come close to that? So, Ray started at the beginning and told his truth.

″When you walked into the precinct on that first day we met, I thought you were the prettiest man I ever saw. I still think that.″ There was a light ripple of chuckles throughout the chapel. Ray ignored the tittering and continued. ″But I wasn’t ready for a relationship. You know how messed up I was then. It wouldn’t be fair to be with anyone after my divorce. But despite that, we became best friends and made a great team on the job. At first I thought that was all it was, friends and partners on the job. You set’em up, I knocked’em down. We were the partners to beat all partners. We had the stats to prove it, too.″

″But then something shifted inside me. When I nearly drowned and you saved my life, I knew then that whatever kept me from admitting the truth about my feelings was done. I loved you and it wasn’t just about you being handsome or smart or even the best cop I ever knew. No, it was about your goodness and your ability to make me want to be a better person whenever I’m around you. You make me feel safe and loved and special. You complete me. Whatever holes I had before are gone because you’ve filled them with your love and then some. You gave me a new life, a better life. I love you. I’ll always honor and respect you, always be true. I’ll never leave you. You, Ben Fraser, are the man of my dreams for always.″

Ray didn’t have to look around to know people were wiping away tears and getting choked up. He could hear the sounds of weeping and knew the feeling.

All smiles, Quinn spoke, leading them to the next step. ″As a symbol of your love, you’ve chosen to exchange rings. Let us begin.″

Ben took Ray’s gold wedding band our of his pocket. His voice was strong, no wavering. ″With this ring, I pledge my love forever.″ He slipped the ring back on Ray’s finger where it belonged.

Ray then retrieved Ben’s ring from his suit pocket. ″With this ring, I also pledge my love forever and then some.″ He put the ring on Ben’s finger, grinning from ear-to-ear.

Quinn then said, ″You may kiss now.″

Ray laughed, captured both sides of Ben’s face and then went in for a big smackaroo, no little peck. He wanted to make sure Ben knew he meant every word he’d said. Tongue met tongue and Ray gave it all he got. Finally Quinn cleared his throat. ″Congratulations. You two are committed partners forever.″

When Ray came up for air, people in the chapel were on their feet and clapping. Instead of playing the piano, Cheri had turned up her boombox to play Stevie Wonder’s ″Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours″ on blast.

Ray laughed all the way out of the chapel. The song was perfect. It was just how he felt.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&The End

Notes:

In case you're wondering, the wedding song played for their entrance is Pachelbel's Canon in D Major. Just so you know.

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