Mutants In The News — "Pythocalypse 2023" Edition

Dang.  Been ages since pythons have popped on my radar.  But, boy howdy, are they poppin'...

... as a world-record-sized snake was found not in its natural environs, but Florida.  Of course.

And downright insane for an invasive species.

Mutants In The News — "See Ya Later, Alligator" Edition

For years, like some unhinged coot that warns strangers away from woodland cabins and summer camps, I've bellowed about the serpentine scourge afflicting Florida's swamps.

Turns out things are even worse than I prophesied, though, as it's been confirmed (via the awesome powers of SCIENCE!) that families of Nile crocodiles are inhabiting the region.

Yep.  The native alligator's bigger, meaner, deadlier cousins have taken up residence.

At this rate, there's really only one way The Everglades situaish can play out.  The Gods help us all!

Mutants In The News — "Cuteness Poisoning (Almost Literally)" Edition

For once, it's China with terrifying / awesome serpent news, instead of the accursed swampscape that is Florida.

Behold, the huggliest and wuggliest deadly freak the world has ever seen!

Sometimes Ol' Lady Nature makes the SyFy Channel's job just too easy, y'all.

News report (or what passes for one) below!

Mutants In The News — "Pythocalypse 2014" Edition

It's been nine months since our spies reported on the twisted machinations of The Dread Serpent Empire.

We prayed that perhaps their warmongering schemes had gone as cold as the blood that pumps in their sinuous hearts.  Or maybe our allies-by-circumstance, The Ancient Noble Order Of Crocodilians, bravely routed their constricting forces with selfless suicide attacks.

But, friends...this newest dispatch fills us with primordial dread, for things are worse than we ever imagined...

...BECAUSE THE PYTHONS ARE WINNING!!!

Fearless photog Tiffany Corlis shared her top-secret pics with The Brisbane Times.  Click through for more flabbergasting images...IF YOU DARE.

—

Dismissing this encounter as run-of-the-mill, Australian-murder-beast antics is foolhardy.  We should probably just wall-off / incinerate / pave-over the python-infested Florida now.

Mutants In The News — "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Edition

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Mutants In The News — "THEY'RE HERE ALREADY!!!" Edition

We here at A Field Guide To Doomsday have been ever vigilant in our coverage of the sinister serpentine assault from the swamps.  

We've warned you!  We've begged you!  BUT DID YOU LISTEN?!!!  DID YOU?!!!!!

Perhaps you should have heeded our warnings...

...because things are even worse than we thought.

University Of Florida researchers caught a Burmese python of a record-breaking [for the region] 17ft 7in length and 164.5 lb weight...which also happened to be chock full of a record-breaking 87 eggs.

"There's nothing stopping them, and the native wildlife are in trouble," says Kenneth Krysko of The Florida Museum Of Natural History.  "A 17-and-a-half-foot snake could eat anything it wants."

As of now, population estimates range from the thousands to, oh, the hundreds of thousands of ravenous reptiles.

And although it's from 2010, this map is perfect for all your Mutant Future-y, Gamma-World-ly, ophidi-oid-related needs.

GAZE UPON YOUR GRANDCHILDREN'S SCALE-FILLED TOMORROW, FOOLS!!!

Python Predictions For The Year 2100 (courtesy of www.esa.org)

Mutants In The News — Slithering Terror Edition

Courtesy of The Orlando Sentinel, the Everglades python invasion continues apace.

"Almost nothing stops them," said Dan Thayer, the water management district's director of vegetation and land management in a statement. "It tells us they're tough and rugged. The survival of an invasive species often depends on its ability to endure extremes. The Burmese python is overcoming a wide range of conditions in Florida, including extreme colds and a water shortage."

--

Hythons come ever closer to reality!

"H" is for "Hython"

Hython

No. Enc.:  1 (1)

Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  90' (30')
      —Swim:  60' (20')
Armor Class:  1
Hit Dice:  2 per head (8-18)
Attacks:  1 per head (bite)
Damage:  2d6 (per head)
Save:  L4 - L9
Morale:  10
Hoard Class:  XVIII, XIX
XP:  based on HD (and extra Mutations)

Hythons are one of the most terrifying apex predators of the Mutant Future.  While favoring wet, warm climes—dwelling in marshes, jungles, forests, Ancient sewers, and ruins—they also stalk across savannahs and grasslands.  They grow to enormous sizes, easily reaching over 35' long and weighing several tons.  Hythons come in a wide variety of mottled colorations.

Each hython has 1d6+3 heads, and possesses 2 Hit Dice per head at maximum Hit Points.  Every head attempts to bite an opponent each round (the number of attacks equals the number of heads), and can Swallow on a roll of 18-20.  Consumed victims take an additional 2d6 damage per round, and are digested at the end of 6 rounds.

For every 16 points of damage a hython takes, 1 head becomes useless, until all heads are destroyed and the creature dies.

Some hythons have exhibited mutations atypical to the species, such as Chameleon Epidermis, Control Light Waves, Energy Ray, and Toxic Weapon; fortunately, these aberrations are extremely rare.  [The Mutant Lord should feel free to customize each creature as desired.]

Hython skins are prized amongst traders, armorers, cobblers, and mutants with a flair for fashion.

Mutations:  Multi-Headed, Thermal Vision

[Designer's Note:  My first thoughts—each and every time—upon reading articles like this, this, this, and this:  "How does this apply to Gamma World?"]