These guys were an awesome success. I made them earlier this morning and my grandparents looooooved them :D They looked great, as well... so I'm posting the recipe in case i want to make them again.

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup whole or 2% milk (rm temp)
1/2 tsp. salt
3 large eggs (rm temp)
2 tbsp unsalted butter (melted)

Preheat oven to 450F. Put everything in a blender and blend until COMPLETELY smooth (if lumps, GET THEM OUT!). Fill pre-greased muffin cups, custard dishes, etc half full with batter. If using a muffin pan, fill every other cup to allow room for puffing! If using custard cups, etc., place on cookie sheet. Bake cups on bottom shelf for 25 min at 450F. Popovers should be puffed and lightly browned. An optional step is to then turn the oven down to 350F and bake for another 15-20 min to cook the interior a bit more.

Popovers are AMAZING with honey and butter or strawberry jam. Also, I think they taste the best right out of the oven. If saving them, pop them into the oven for 10-15 min at 350F


Currently baking a loaf of bread using a recipe from a book my brother got me for my birthday. If it works out, I''ll post the recipe for that too :)

Today, we're having a light lunch of salad and fresh bread!! so exciting!! :D

it seems like i'm going on a once-yearly update here.... ha...
i'd like to try to fix that. we'll see.

currently up in Tennessee with my grandparents. It's been raining since i got here and I'll be leaving the day after tomorrow, but it's been very soothing. The bare trees and wet streets remind me of Finland when the snow was melting.

This break has been enlightening in a way. I haven't been able to relax as much as I would have liked. School work has been hanging over my head and yet I avoid it like the plague... this is probably typical of every student... but it's a waste of time because I can't even enjoy the things I'm using as distractions. Alas, if it was only the pile of work in need of completion that was dragging me down. I feel like even if I didn't have that work to do, I would still feel restless.

I need a break from school... but I don't really want to take another year off to do it. If I graduate from NCF next spring and go immediately to medical school, Jeff and I will be able to live together at some point in the near future.... If I go to UF, we get one to two years together and then he goes out-of-state for a 2-year postdoc and I'm stuck in Gainesville. If I go out of state for medical school, jeff will take 1-2 years to finish his degree and MIGHT get a post-doc at the same school I'm attending.

There are a lot of maybes and I hate feeling like I only have these two choices. And yet, life is fucking hard as shit when the person you care about immensely is so far away.

So, what do you do? I guess I could take a year off after I graduate from NCF and get a job as a lab tech in gainesville... it would make me feel like I had more choices... but I'd feel like I was wasting my time. If I took a year off, I'd want it to be worthwhile.... and I'd probably want it to be out of the country.

sometimes i feel like the only way i can escape the confinement of rules and expectations and bullshit that accumulates is to get as far away from North America as possible. Start over. A new school, a new job, new people, new food (lol this actually has a HUGE effect)*sigh* but I can't. if spending 1-2 years a few states apart seems so unbearable... i don't think i'd have the determination to apply abroad... again.

bah... finding a Love is wonderful and amazing.... but troubling.
because it becomes a weakness that influences every decision you make. It makes all of your dreams and aspirations seem hollow because you never dreamt them with your love by your side. It was always you. Just you. And they never took into consideration that you would put such a vital part of yourself in another person.

such is the downside of love... as always.
but there are so many upsides... and the love you have with another person is so fucking gratifying, it overrides most, if not all, things. And it makes you want to compromise.

(compromise, btw, is the key to EVERYTHING... including happiness lol)

ahhh there are so many things to say.

i feel a weakness coming on
it's not meant to be like this
not what i planned at all
i don't want to feel like this

a lot happens in one and a half years
in and around your life, surely
but especially within yourself

you have this idea of where you're heading, or at least where you want to go... and then you get distracted by the beautiful scenery
the sun filtering through the leaves of an ancient oak tree
a hedgehog nosing its way through piles of dead leaves

and whoops... you missed your turn on the roundabout. Now you're suddenly moving away from the direction you wanted. In fact, you're going in what appears to be the complete OPPOSITE direction.
and you panic.
it isn't right.
it isn't good.
but you missed your turn.
what do you do?

what do you do?


well... i guess you look ahead... and remind yourself you're on a roundabout.
and this time, be prepared to get off at the right moment.

one of things i'm learning is that making mistakes lets me relax and see things clearly

and it's funny... because as i relax.... the mistakes come less and less frequently

Thursday morning found me in a state of warm contentment. My legs were tangled in the comforter and the air in the dorm was just the right temperature, so the bits that lost the battle with the blankets were not unhappy to be exposed. Alas, as with every satisfying experience, a dash of negativity inevitably pops its head in and gives you just enough perspective to appreciate it even more. My contentment, accentuated by a languid stretch, was marred ever so slightly by the feeling of wetness between my legs.
Annoyance
Irritation
I do believe I actually rolled my eyes at my body, as if it were a separate entity who was being absolutely obnoxious in my presence… I cannot be held accountable for the inconveniences my body chooses to exploit. *crosses arms* hmph.
… the nerve

Minus the negligible irritation, the morning was still redeemable. I had a fairly good night’s sleep, the construction outside my dorm room hadn’t started yet… all in all happy warm fuzzies lingered about… until I removed the tampon.
And blood came pouring out
And wouldn’t stop
I vaguely remember thinking that my organs had protested my disassociation with my body by liquefying and liberating themselves along with the monthly flow. It was all a MASTER PLAN. The Organ Council had taken my cervix hostage, enslaving the little workers that take care of menstrual regulation and telling them, “She’s not having a baby! SHE’S NOT HAVING A FUCKING BABY. Get to work!” So everyone’s stressed out, the worker dude’s can’t think past the screaming, and this Organ Council is as ferocious as ever. Needless to say, the O.C.’s plan would have been more sly, and therefore more convincing had they waited another two weeks to keep time with the normal cycle….maybe they wanted the press coverage…
TANGENT.

In any case, there was an alarming amount of blood puddling on the floor of the bathroom. The initial anger at the mess I had to clean up was smothered by panic, but YAY for defensive mechanisms!! Because the panic lasted two seconds before my breathing evened out and that single-minded level of concentration took over long enough to clean up, get breakfast, and call mother. The tears came shortly after…. And the hyperventilating as nasty little words like cysts, hemorrhaging, and hospital were thrown out there.

The sense of urgency, firmly instilled in my subconscious, gave me the energy to drive to the hospital. The funny little defense mechanism told me to focus on the road and ignore the blood draining from my face, the spinning edges at the corners of my vision, the headache, the growing heaviness in my limbs
The rotten little bastard is going to overestimate my ability one day and something really stupid is going to happen…
Long story long, I was at the hospital for four fucking hours and it turns out that my organs did NOT liquefy themselves. :) but doctors will be doctors and once they’ve ruled out any major causes, they terminate the investigation. Maybe the ob/gyn will have something significant to say on Monday…

i love being reminded that the world does in fact spin when i'm not paying attention
it's definitely a belittling concept
diminish the ego a bit, gain some perspective
nice.... in a slightly cold, painful way... but nice.

*pause*
*pause*
*energy fading away*

i feel that i am in need of a mentor
my mind is constantly running toward the possibility that who i am is not quite up to par with where i should be
and the concept of being wrong in such a drastically important area consumes me
so i can't even take a step back to see where i really am
hence, the need for feedback/guidance

meh
//anger//


currently getting the impression that who i am envies who i've been
there was a lot of expansion and growth in the last 14 months and now i've run into a glass wall
i can see where i need to go, but i can't for the life of me figure out how to break the glass...

i feel so confuzzled inside
carolyn: movie=eh. i was waiting for the saving grace that never appeared. the dialogue did it in...the ending was intriguing but still.....

i am very very very very very very confuzzled
my stomach is in turmoil
annnnnnnnnnnddd i feeel depressed
annnnnnnnnndddd i started carving smthing into my arm again.....
annnnnnnndd stuff

amazing how a pic of my roommates can make me feel so much better


every so often i get really depressed (as in i'm looking down a deep dark hole and it's scary)
and i question everything.
every fucking thing
namely bc i don't trust myself...
wait wait.....*thinks of roommate photo*
i wont look down into the hole right now....

sit down
come round
i need you now
we'll work it all out together
we're getting nowhere tonight
now sleep
i promise it'll all seem better, somehow
in time

i'm in one of those states that nothing is going as expected and i'm pleading with no one for some form of normalcy.
I am absolutely limp with possibility
life, to me, is like one of those games where everyone stands in a circle and throws a big kickball back and forth, back and forth.
Usually, I'm tense with the expectation of catching the ball (will i catch it? will i drop it? will i catch it?). But right now, it's almost as if I have spaced for a few seconds and the ball has smacked me in the face.....or maybe not the face.....maybe the stomach (that wouldn't hurt as much)
there's surprise and the exhileration of that surprise which is making my limbs tremble.
my body is tinkling, i'm still in shock, and i can't bring myself to focus enough to bend down and pick up the ball.

topic of the hour:
Aikido
the dumbing down of love
i am deciding to drop the activity
i'm not that into it right now for the following reasons:
I have currently only been to the monday night classes. There is a wednesday night class as well, but due to scheduling conflicts and/or sheer exhaustion, I've not been able to make it. I feel slightly bad about coming to only half of the classes, not practicing enough to improve on what we learn, and holding the class back. Rationally speaking, I'm sure most of the other kids don't practice enough for me to make a difference, but it goes against my personal moral code (YAY TYPOLOGY!!!) to do something half-assed.
o...that was my second reason. if i'm going to commit to something, i want to commit to it fully, get the entire experience. otherwise, i feel like i'm wasting everyone's time (including my own).

Now, I don't want to cut out excercise completely, so i've decided to start yoga again. I really enjoyed it the last time i went, so i will do it again. I have to pay for it, but it's something i know how to do (therefore i will be comfortable doing it) and it will allow me to get back into the group excercise scene in a relaxed atmosphere.

blah blah blah
i stopped adding to this awhile ago..... and dont have patience to finish so :P