Story from the ASGC 'Verse: COURAGE (please read the A/N and the warnings)
PLEASE NOTE BEFORE READING/COMMENTING:
(1) This story is set in the ASGC verse but, strictly speaking, features almost no canon characters. There's Gus of course, but he's 26 in this story. Brian and Justin only get mentioned, but don't appear in the story as this is exclusively Gus's viewpoint. This is unavoidable once you take your universe into a future and direction so far away from canon.
(2) I sincerely apologize for jumping back and forth in time with my recent updates. It is not made easier by the writing style. I have people talk about things that supposedly happened but that I haven't written about before. So we only learn about them through the character's narrative. Again, sorry for any confusion. It will all make sense at the end, I promise. In the meantime, please confer with the list below to orient yourself time-wise within this universe.
(3) This story is probably for die-hard fans only. Also, please heed the following warning, and when in doubt, please DON'T read. Thank you.
Warnings: (Purely theoretical) discussion of (implied) sexual attraction to minors that are, however, above the legal age of consent. To be completely on the safe side, this story also features a discussion of a hypothetical relationship that some might consider incestuous, though strictly speaking it is not.
For your convenience, here are the links to all installments, listed in chronological order of events:
COURAGE
***a sequel to the ASGC 'verse
(prequel to The New Guy)***
Albuquerque, Summer 2027
“You know, when you called to ask if I was up for a drink or two, I assumed there would be actual drinking involved,” Dave said with a meaningful glance at Gus’s untouched Vodka lemon.
Gus’s looks however could have fooled anyone into thinking that he was well on his way to getting plastered, so pale and sickly did he look already.
Gus summoned the willpower to raise his head from where it was resting on his folded arms on the bar. He gave Dave a sidelong glance. “I don’t know what to do, or rather how to do it,” and after a moment's contemplation, added, “or how not to do it.” Which really was unnecessarily, since it didn't help Dave in any way to understand what the hell Gus was going on about. So he decided to try and lighten the mood a little by teasing his friend a little.
“It’s really not that hard. You curl your fingers around the glass, lift it to your mouth, and swallow. Trust me, a couple of drinks have been known to clear a confused mind a lot. Of course, they’ve also been known to make everything worse. But you don’t really look like things could get any worse right now. So, what do you have to lose, right?”
The corner of Gus's mouth pulled up in what Dave guessed was supposed to be a grin, maybe? Gus dutifully raised his drink, saluted his friend and downed it in one go. Gus grimaced, though whether it was from the alcohol or the fact that the drink had been sitting on the bar for so long it had grown stale and warm already, Dave didn’t know. Gus waited a minute, staring straight ahead and not moving, then turned his head to look at Dave with a glare that was partly a question, partly accusation, as if to say, ‘I’m still not feeling better.’ Dave chuckled, and then covered it up with a fake cough.
“Or you could try a different technique,” Dave suggested. “If it’s a matter of needing to escape the bitter realities of an adult life, I have, on occasion, found the company of a pretty girl with even prettier... uhm, you know...” He made a motion with his hands in front of his chest. “...quite helpful.” Dave paused to gauge his friend’s reaction. But said friend pulled a face, so Dave added, “Or bloke, if that’s what's rocking your boat.”
Gus smiled and Dave thought he knew why. Even though Dave had lived most of his adult life in the States, his British origins and heritage still sometimes showed themselves in his choice of phrasing. More so when he was under influence of alcohol. Gus always smiled whenever words like ‘bloke’, ‘fancy’ and ‘shag’ made it past Dave’s lips as it reminded him of his own studies abroad in damp and mostly gray UK not too long ago.
“Both. Neither. Ugh,” Gus replied. “It’s complicated.” And left it at that.
“Because you’ve already got someone?” Dave shot in the dark.
“No. Yes. Well, sorta.” He sighed. “It's complicated.”
“Sure sounds like it,” Dave cackled. “As a last resort, I offer myself and my admittedly questionable words of wisdom and slightly less questionable qualities of listening and counseling. Well, to be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure about the counseling part, but I am a fine listener. Especially if you keep my mouth occupied with quality whiskey.”
Gus seemed to seriously consider the offer, but he hesitated. Dave knew why. They hadn’t known each other for very long. It was the job that brought them together, a 4 months stint, traveling with a senator and his committee across the country, campaigning for votes. Gus, who was freelancing, was hired as the photographer and cameraman, working on campaign posters on the side. Dave’s job were the slogans and the speeches. On a completely platonic level, Gus had been drawn to the writer in Dave while Dave was intrigued by the artist Gus. They’d gotten along well from the first meeting and usually shared a hotel room together. But working on a traveling campaign was a grueling and time-consuming job and they seldom had the time to talk about personal stuff, or any stuff really that didn’t connect to work.
“Hey,” Dave said, turning serious, “all jokes aside, I don’t mind listening. Not sure what my opinion is worth, but maybe as an outsider I can provide a fresh perspective?”
Gus almost looked convinced now. And grateful.
“I’ll probably need a few more facts though. Also, a rough outline of what it is exactly that troubles you might be helpful.” Dave’s comment brought back some of the previous lightheartedness again and Gus even sat up straighter, leaning up on his elbows. It occurred to Dave that maybe they ought to take the conversation to a corner with a bit more privacy and he motioned to a secluded spot along the dimly lit wall of the drinking establishment.
As soon as they sat down, Gus began talking. Not that it made any sense to Dave, because Gus had started in the middle and he was mostly muttering to himself. “I have to talk to my dads. Maybe even try to get Justin on my side. Despite everything, he’s more stable, y’know.”
“That the one you're going back to work for after this stint is done?”
“No. The one you mean is Brian. He’s my biological father. Justin’s his husband. He’s the levelheaded one. He’s an artist,” Gus added as if it explained something. “Oh, hey, you might have heard of him. Justin Taylor?” Gus asked, remembering that Dave liked to hang out in art museums a lot.
Dave’s eyes grew big and he snorted derisively. “Yeah, I heard,” he said making it sound like the understatement of the year that it was. “Who hasn’t?” He paused, brain rattling behind squinted eyes. “Wait a moment! Justin Taylor? Brian? Your dad’s Brian Kinney?! The Brian Kinney of Kinnetik NYC – KinNY?!”
Gus nodded and stared at a far away spot somewhere over Dave’s shoulder.
“Fuck,” Dave breathed. Then he remembered, “Hey, I applied for a junior position there, fresh out of college.” His posture flagged a little as he added, “They turned me down.” But then he brightened again. “But they did like my stuff. Said to try again in a couple of years, after I got some experience under my belt.”
“Yeah, that sounds like my dad. He doesn’t have the patience anymore to explain the business to a rookie. Sorry,” Gus finished, feeling like he needed to make excuses.
“No bother. They were really nice. Actually, I’ve never gotten such a friendly turn down before. They even gave me great tips on how to get better. What they’d expect to see next time I applied.”
Both, Gus and Dave, fell silent after that, the topic of conversation having veered off. Dave was the first to break the quiet.
“Hey! But your name’s not Kinney.”
Gus flinched and Dave correctly guessed that it was a sore subject for Gus.
“No. I’ve always had my moms’ names. He’s my dad, but he signed off his parental rights to my moms when I was still a baby. ”
“Sorry, mate.”
“Don't be,” Gus said and shrugged. “He managed to be a pretty cool dad without it.”
“Sounds like you two really get along well.” When Gus nodded in affirmation, Dave asked, “So what's the problem then?”
“I need to talk to him, both of them actually, and I've a suspicion that he's gonna kill me,” Gus admitted. “It might just shock him enough that he’ll die of a heart attack or something. But someone’s sure gonna wind up dead when I tell them. Probably me, though.”
“Tell them what exactly?”
“That I'm in love with her and that I tried, I did, but it's not going away.”
Dave’s mouth formed an ‘oh’ as realization dawned. “So, what, he doesn’t approve of your choice? Doesn’t like the girl?”
Gus laughed, but it was humorless. Before he answered, he ordered a tequila from a passing waitress because this seemed like a tequila kind of talk. “Oh, he likes her. He likes her too much.”
“Huh? Sorry, mate, you lost me.”
“Let me put it this way,” Gus said. “I’m not a Kinney, but she is.”
Dave scrunched up his face in confusion, looking like something in his head simply refused to compute. “I don’t follow.”
“She’s my sister,” Gus explained. His head dropped to the tabletop with a loud clank.
“O-o-oka-a-a-ay,” Dave drawled and failed to hold back a grimace. “Sorry, mate, but I think I might be with your dad on that one.”
Gus shook his head impatiently. “No, you don’t understand. We’re not blood-related. She’s not his. Well, she is, legally. Adoption papers and everything. But she’s Justin’s by blood. Though sometimes I swear... It's like they share a brain. He's so crazy about her, Alex might as well be his,” Gus concluded.
The waitress came over with Gus’ drink and Dave waited till they were alone again to ask, “Alex? That her name?”
“Yeah. Alexandria. Alexandria Taylor-Kinney. But nobody calls her that. It’s always been Alex.” Gus chucked down the tequila and heartily bit into the provided slice of lime.
For a few moments Dave just goggled at Gus. “So, let me get this straight,” he finally said. “You’re in love with a girl who, for all intents and purposes, is your sister, except she isn't, but is your dad’s legal daughter while he, being your biological father, has no legal rights to you whatsoever.” He nodded appreciatively and gulped down the rest of his drink. “And I thought my family was fucked up,” he muttered when he finished.
“Well, if you put it like that, it does sound kind of weird,” Gus admitted. “But it really is very simple. She’s the single most amazing person I know and I... love her. Don't care how corny that sounds.”
“I’m going to assume there is a reason for you driving yourself insane with this, an actual reason, instead of a purely hypothetical one? Like... she feels the same?”
“She does,” Gus replied and for the first time that evening a far-away, genuine smile stole onto his face. For a moment he looked calm and serene.
„So, what exactly is it you expect from the talk with your parents? A license to shag?“
Gus cringed.”No! Just... you know, I wanna be able to take her on a date and not do it in secret. I want them to be okay with it.”
“Have you tried explaining that to them like you did to me? They might be shocked first, but maybe they'll accept it. With time.”
“Yeah,” Gus stretched the word. “How do you begin such a talk? I'm kinda scared he won't let me get to the explaining part.”
“But you’re his son and he loves you,” Dave objected.
“Not as much as he loves her.”
Dave seriously doubted that, but knew Gus was just trying to make a point, so he didn't challenge him and allowed Gus to continue, “You know what the worst thing is? That I get how crazy it is. Not only because she's my sister, but there's also the age thing.”
Which prompted Dave to ask, “How old is she?”
Instead of answering, Gus turned pale and near-sobbed, “Oh god, he’s gonna sic the cops on me.” There were several question marks in Dave’s eyes at the non-sequitur. So Gus had to elaborate. “She’s 17. But she's turning 18 this summer.”
Now Dave really couldn’t suppress his shock. “And how long has this been going on between you?”
“Ages.”
Dave’s eyes almost bulged out of his sockets. “Define 'ages',” he said, not being able to keep the horrified expression from his face.
“Oh,” Gus proclaimed. Then, louder, “Oh! No, no. It hasn’t. No! Nothing’s going on. We haven’t... I’ve... We’ve never even... No. Never. I didn’t mean the physical part, because no. Never. Talking. Words. That's all. Talking about it is all we've ever done. I swear! Well, one talk. Or two, depending what counts as one. We write emails a lot.”
Dave couldn’t hide a relieved breath. “And?” he asked.
“Before she was legal, that was a good enough reason to wait, the perfect excuse that she couldn't do anything about. Because, don't let her age fool ya; she can be determined as hell when she wants something. But with her turning 18 in a few weeks, that excuse won't hold up for much longer. And honestly? I'm not sure I want it to. I've tried to get rid of the feelings; thought if I leave and don't come back, they'll go away eventually. They haven't. And I'm all out of excuses. I think I'm ready to admit what I want. And I know she wants the same thing.”
Dave considered his friend, so torn between doing what he wanted and what he thought was right. As if on cue, Gus hid his face in his palms and mumbled through his fingers, “I’m a perv, right? Oh, god, I am! They’re gonna have me locked up, because clearly I’m a crazy person and a child molester and without morals. And I'm going to kill my father by giving him a heart attack. I'm an awful person.”
Gus looked so miserable again, Dave pitied him. “No, you’re not. At least not more so than any other person who’s head over heels. Okay, so maybe your situation is a bit... unorthodox, all things considered. Certainly not the norm. But you’re not a bad person. As far as I can tell,” Dave tried to joke. “You’re not... It’s not illegal to date an 18 year old, is it?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Then nobody can tell you no,” Dave reasoned, hoping to brighten Gus’s mood.
“Ha. No, that’s not how it works. If our dads are not on board with it... that's...” Gus stopped, not really wanting to think about that possibility, but needing to explain to Dave. “I'm not saying Dad's 'no' will put an end to things. But it will put a strain on Alex. On everyone, really. And... I could never do that to our family; drive a wedge between all of us. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to start anything off on a situation like that. I won't be that guy who makes her choose.”
“Tell me about her,” Dave prompted, in large part due to his curiosity about the girl that could, even from afar, unravel Gus in such a profound way, but also because he wanted to steer Gus’s thoughts to a more pleasant topic, seeing as how his friend was really suffering from the uncertainty.
“Oh, man,” Gus sighed loudly at Dave’s request. “Where to begin?”
“I’ve always had a soft spot for stories that start at the beginning,” Dave replied. “When did you notice there was something more; when did you know for sure? About her being the one, I mean.” Because it was clear as day that Gus’s infatuation with Alex wasn’t just a passing fling.
Gus thought for a few minutes before answering. “We've always had a special connection. Even as children. It only grew when I was a teenager. In a non-awkward, completely innocent way, of course.”
Dave nodded to indicate he was still listening.
“I just loved spending time with both of them.”
“Them?”
“Oh, yeah, Alex has a fraternal twin sister. That's Emma. I used to spend the afternoons at their house. Gosh, I built tree houses with them, went on treasure hunts, chased ghosts through the attic, sneaked into the garden of one of the neighbors to steal cherries.” Gus smiled, reminiscing. “Emma's the one with the crazy ideas. But then she'd get cold feet and Alex would step up and make us go through with... you know, whatever the recent adventure was. She's awesome like that. She's smart, and talented, and determined. She’s just... fuck, she’s amazing. But things didn't change until they were teenagers.”
“What happened then?”
“It wasn't something that happened. Just... viewpoints, I guess, that slowly shifted. Though I didn't realize it at the time. Like being jealous when she started going out on dates. At the time I thought it was just brotherly concern, you know?”
Dave nodded. He had younger siblings, too.
“I remember the first time a guy took her out. My dad was pacing the floor with me and Justin laughed and mocked us, though he was just as nervous, only better at masking it.” Gus smiled as he reminisced. “And when she came back, she took a look at us three, rolled her eyes and went upstairs.”
Dave used the lull in Gus' story to motion the waitress for two more drinks.
“I wasn't like this when Emma had her first date. Not nearly like this. Don't get me wrong – Dad and I still paced the floor and thought of creative ways to kill the guy she was with when they came back 10 minutes after curfew, but I didn't feel as sick with that blinding rage. You know? Once I realized the difference, things changed. No, that's not completely true. Things didn't change. I did. I looked at Alex and... yes, there was still my sister. But there was also... someone new. I let things get weird. Distanced myself. Threw myself into work and dating.”
Gus's finger circled the rim of his glass. Dave was about to prod him to continue, but that was when Gus spoke again, “I went out almost every night – bars, clubs, dates. Males, females. Didn't matter. Anything to take my mind off of things. I felt like a sociopath. I waited for these feelings to go away, stopped visiting my dads' house, went on extended vacations. Because if I wasn't careful, my thoughts would always circle back to, 'Why not?'”
The guilt was so clearly etched into Gus’s features, Dave wondered how he’d managed to live with it all this time. “When was that?”
“Uhmm,” Gus thought aloud, “about three years ago?”
“A long time to wait and hope,” Dave commented.
“Wait – yes. Hope – never. I was too weirded out about it being my sister to actually have hopes. Then one day, I knew it was going to happen.”
“How?”
Gus laughed. “She told me herself. It was a few months later and we were sitting by the pool, feet in the water. I think it was just after she turned 15. Fifteen going on 50, that's Alex. Wise beyond her years. She was sketching or doodling, I don't remember. Next thing I know she looks up at me and says that she's going to marry me when she grows up. I knew it was just some teenage fantasy on her part – the same way little girls say they will marry their daddies. But the way she said it... I don’t know. It didn’t sound like... You gotta know her to understand. She’s so serious most of the time. And the way she said it... with this... conviction, this absolute certainty... She sounded so sure of herself. And there was that moment, that small window of time where you're supposed to joke about it, to point out the absurdity of the statement and ridicule it. But I didn't. And she noticed. We shared a look and I knew I had to get the hell out of Dodge.”
“What’d ya do?”
“Fled the country?”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” Gus bit into his already dry-sucked lime. “Told ya I got my master's degree in Scotland. Quit my job at Kinnetik and shocked my dad with my decision. Made up a story about a great MBA program I've always dreamed about getting into. Had him pull some strings, which I'm not proud of, but it was preferable to staying. Justin suspected something happened; he had this look on his face, like he knew. But I refused to talk to him. Packed my bags and just left.”
Dave’s lips formed an ‘oh’. “You want my advice?” Dave asked rhetorically, because he was going to offer it anyway. But it helped that Gus nodded. “Drink up. Go home. Go to sleep. Then, in the morning, call your dads and tell them you need to speak to them. And then get on the next flight home.”
“Can’t. We can’t take days off,” Gus reminded him.
Dave nodded, thinking. He and Gus, as well as their entire entourage, would be leaving for Denver on Monday. “Tomorrow's Friday; there's not much happening here before we leave. You could go home for the weekend and meet us in Denver on Monday,” he suggested.
Gus blinked slowly, thinking about the feasibility of the plan. Why the hell not? Whichever way the talk went, it would still mean a load off his shoulders. And maybe the excuse to be able to flee the state would come in handy after the talk.
The End.
Gus & Alex's story is continued here
(1) This story is set in the ASGC verse but, strictly speaking, features almost no canon characters. There's Gus of course, but he's 26 in this story. Brian and Justin only get mentioned, but don't appear in the story as this is exclusively Gus's viewpoint. This is unavoidable once you take your universe into a future and direction so far away from canon.
(2) I sincerely apologize for jumping back and forth in time with my recent updates. It is not made easier by the writing style. I have people talk about things that supposedly happened but that I haven't written about before. So we only learn about them through the character's narrative. Again, sorry for any confusion. It will all make sense at the end, I promise. In the meantime, please confer with the list below to orient yourself time-wise within this universe.
(3) This story is probably for die-hard fans only. Also, please heed the following warning, and when in doubt, please DON'T read. Thank you.
Warnings: (Purely theoretical) discussion of (implied) sexual attraction to minors that are, however, above the legal age of consent. To be completely on the safe side, this story also features a discussion of a hypothetical relationship that some might consider incestuous, though strictly speaking it is not.
For your convenience, here are the links to all installments, listed in chronological order of events:
- A Storm's Gonna Come
- The Next Best Thing
- Birthdays and Other Surprises
- What Comes Naturally
- Valentine's, Taylor-Kinney Style
- 2.4 Children and Other Common Facts of Average Domesticity
- Last Days of Summer
- B was for Blane, C is for Charlie
- Intervention (a.k.a. Revelations)
- Courage (read below)
- The New Guy
COURAGE
***a sequel to the ASGC 'verse
(prequel to The New Guy)***
Albuquerque, Summer 2027
“You know, when you called to ask if I was up for a drink or two, I assumed there would be actual drinking involved,” Dave said with a meaningful glance at Gus’s untouched Vodka lemon.
Gus’s looks however could have fooled anyone into thinking that he was well on his way to getting plastered, so pale and sickly did he look already.
Gus summoned the willpower to raise his head from where it was resting on his folded arms on the bar. He gave Dave a sidelong glance. “I don’t know what to do, or rather how to do it,” and after a moment's contemplation, added, “or how not to do it.” Which really was unnecessarily, since it didn't help Dave in any way to understand what the hell Gus was going on about. So he decided to try and lighten the mood a little by teasing his friend a little.
“It’s really not that hard. You curl your fingers around the glass, lift it to your mouth, and swallow. Trust me, a couple of drinks have been known to clear a confused mind a lot. Of course, they’ve also been known to make everything worse. But you don’t really look like things could get any worse right now. So, what do you have to lose, right?”
The corner of Gus's mouth pulled up in what Dave guessed was supposed to be a grin, maybe? Gus dutifully raised his drink, saluted his friend and downed it in one go. Gus grimaced, though whether it was from the alcohol or the fact that the drink had been sitting on the bar for so long it had grown stale and warm already, Dave didn’t know. Gus waited a minute, staring straight ahead and not moving, then turned his head to look at Dave with a glare that was partly a question, partly accusation, as if to say, ‘I’m still not feeling better.’ Dave chuckled, and then covered it up with a fake cough.
“Or you could try a different technique,” Dave suggested. “If it’s a matter of needing to escape the bitter realities of an adult life, I have, on occasion, found the company of a pretty girl with even prettier... uhm, you know...” He made a motion with his hands in front of his chest. “...quite helpful.” Dave paused to gauge his friend’s reaction. But said friend pulled a face, so Dave added, “Or bloke, if that’s what's rocking your boat.”
Gus smiled and Dave thought he knew why. Even though Dave had lived most of his adult life in the States, his British origins and heritage still sometimes showed themselves in his choice of phrasing. More so when he was under influence of alcohol. Gus always smiled whenever words like ‘bloke’, ‘fancy’ and ‘shag’ made it past Dave’s lips as it reminded him of his own studies abroad in damp and mostly gray UK not too long ago.
“Both. Neither. Ugh,” Gus replied. “It’s complicated.” And left it at that.
“Because you’ve already got someone?” Dave shot in the dark.
“No. Yes. Well, sorta.” He sighed. “It's complicated.”
“Sure sounds like it,” Dave cackled. “As a last resort, I offer myself and my admittedly questionable words of wisdom and slightly less questionable qualities of listening and counseling. Well, to be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure about the counseling part, but I am a fine listener. Especially if you keep my mouth occupied with quality whiskey.”
Gus seemed to seriously consider the offer, but he hesitated. Dave knew why. They hadn’t known each other for very long. It was the job that brought them together, a 4 months stint, traveling with a senator and his committee across the country, campaigning for votes. Gus, who was freelancing, was hired as the photographer and cameraman, working on campaign posters on the side. Dave’s job were the slogans and the speeches. On a completely platonic level, Gus had been drawn to the writer in Dave while Dave was intrigued by the artist Gus. They’d gotten along well from the first meeting and usually shared a hotel room together. But working on a traveling campaign was a grueling and time-consuming job and they seldom had the time to talk about personal stuff, or any stuff really that didn’t connect to work.
“Hey,” Dave said, turning serious, “all jokes aside, I don’t mind listening. Not sure what my opinion is worth, but maybe as an outsider I can provide a fresh perspective?”
Gus almost looked convinced now. And grateful.
“I’ll probably need a few more facts though. Also, a rough outline of what it is exactly that troubles you might be helpful.” Dave’s comment brought back some of the previous lightheartedness again and Gus even sat up straighter, leaning up on his elbows. It occurred to Dave that maybe they ought to take the conversation to a corner with a bit more privacy and he motioned to a secluded spot along the dimly lit wall of the drinking establishment.
As soon as they sat down, Gus began talking. Not that it made any sense to Dave, because Gus had started in the middle and he was mostly muttering to himself. “I have to talk to my dads. Maybe even try to get Justin on my side. Despite everything, he’s more stable, y’know.”
“That the one you're going back to work for after this stint is done?”
“No. The one you mean is Brian. He’s my biological father. Justin’s his husband. He’s the levelheaded one. He’s an artist,” Gus added as if it explained something. “Oh, hey, you might have heard of him. Justin Taylor?” Gus asked, remembering that Dave liked to hang out in art museums a lot.
Dave’s eyes grew big and he snorted derisively. “Yeah, I heard,” he said making it sound like the understatement of the year that it was. “Who hasn’t?” He paused, brain rattling behind squinted eyes. “Wait a moment! Justin Taylor? Brian? Your dad’s Brian Kinney?! The Brian Kinney of Kinnetik NYC – KinNY?!”
Gus nodded and stared at a far away spot somewhere over Dave’s shoulder.
“Fuck,” Dave breathed. Then he remembered, “Hey, I applied for a junior position there, fresh out of college.” His posture flagged a little as he added, “They turned me down.” But then he brightened again. “But they did like my stuff. Said to try again in a couple of years, after I got some experience under my belt.”
“Yeah, that sounds like my dad. He doesn’t have the patience anymore to explain the business to a rookie. Sorry,” Gus finished, feeling like he needed to make excuses.
“No bother. They were really nice. Actually, I’ve never gotten such a friendly turn down before. They even gave me great tips on how to get better. What they’d expect to see next time I applied.”
Both, Gus and Dave, fell silent after that, the topic of conversation having veered off. Dave was the first to break the quiet.
“Hey! But your name’s not Kinney.”
Gus flinched and Dave correctly guessed that it was a sore subject for Gus.
“No. I’ve always had my moms’ names. He’s my dad, but he signed off his parental rights to my moms when I was still a baby. ”
“Sorry, mate.”
“Don't be,” Gus said and shrugged. “He managed to be a pretty cool dad without it.”
“Sounds like you two really get along well.” When Gus nodded in affirmation, Dave asked, “So what's the problem then?”
“I need to talk to him, both of them actually, and I've a suspicion that he's gonna kill me,” Gus admitted. “It might just shock him enough that he’ll die of a heart attack or something. But someone’s sure gonna wind up dead when I tell them. Probably me, though.”
“Tell them what exactly?”
“That I'm in love with her and that I tried, I did, but it's not going away.”
Dave’s mouth formed an ‘oh’ as realization dawned. “So, what, he doesn’t approve of your choice? Doesn’t like the girl?”
Gus laughed, but it was humorless. Before he answered, he ordered a tequila from a passing waitress because this seemed like a tequila kind of talk. “Oh, he likes her. He likes her too much.”
“Huh? Sorry, mate, you lost me.”
“Let me put it this way,” Gus said. “I’m not a Kinney, but she is.”
Dave scrunched up his face in confusion, looking like something in his head simply refused to compute. “I don’t follow.”
“She’s my sister,” Gus explained. His head dropped to the tabletop with a loud clank.
“O-o-oka-a-a-ay,” Dave drawled and failed to hold back a grimace. “Sorry, mate, but I think I might be with your dad on that one.”
Gus shook his head impatiently. “No, you don’t understand. We’re not blood-related. She’s not his. Well, she is, legally. Adoption papers and everything. But she’s Justin’s by blood. Though sometimes I swear... It's like they share a brain. He's so crazy about her, Alex might as well be his,” Gus concluded.
The waitress came over with Gus’ drink and Dave waited till they were alone again to ask, “Alex? That her name?”
“Yeah. Alexandria. Alexandria Taylor-Kinney. But nobody calls her that. It’s always been Alex.” Gus chucked down the tequila and heartily bit into the provided slice of lime.
For a few moments Dave just goggled at Gus. “So, let me get this straight,” he finally said. “You’re in love with a girl who, for all intents and purposes, is your sister, except she isn't, but is your dad’s legal daughter while he, being your biological father, has no legal rights to you whatsoever.” He nodded appreciatively and gulped down the rest of his drink. “And I thought my family was fucked up,” he muttered when he finished.
“Well, if you put it like that, it does sound kind of weird,” Gus admitted. “But it really is very simple. She’s the single most amazing person I know and I... love her. Don't care how corny that sounds.”
“I’m going to assume there is a reason for you driving yourself insane with this, an actual reason, instead of a purely hypothetical one? Like... she feels the same?”
“She does,” Gus replied and for the first time that evening a far-away, genuine smile stole onto his face. For a moment he looked calm and serene.
„So, what exactly is it you expect from the talk with your parents? A license to shag?“
Gus cringed.”No! Just... you know, I wanna be able to take her on a date and not do it in secret. I want them to be okay with it.”
“Have you tried explaining that to them like you did to me? They might be shocked first, but maybe they'll accept it. With time.”
“Yeah,” Gus stretched the word. “How do you begin such a talk? I'm kinda scared he won't let me get to the explaining part.”
“But you’re his son and he loves you,” Dave objected.
“Not as much as he loves her.”
Dave seriously doubted that, but knew Gus was just trying to make a point, so he didn't challenge him and allowed Gus to continue, “You know what the worst thing is? That I get how crazy it is. Not only because she's my sister, but there's also the age thing.”
Which prompted Dave to ask, “How old is she?”
Instead of answering, Gus turned pale and near-sobbed, “Oh god, he’s gonna sic the cops on me.” There were several question marks in Dave’s eyes at the non-sequitur. So Gus had to elaborate. “She’s 17. But she's turning 18 this summer.”
Now Dave really couldn’t suppress his shock. “And how long has this been going on between you?”
“Ages.”
Dave’s eyes almost bulged out of his sockets. “Define 'ages',” he said, not being able to keep the horrified expression from his face.
“Oh,” Gus proclaimed. Then, louder, “Oh! No, no. It hasn’t. No! Nothing’s going on. We haven’t... I’ve... We’ve never even... No. Never. I didn’t mean the physical part, because no. Never. Talking. Words. That's all. Talking about it is all we've ever done. I swear! Well, one talk. Or two, depending what counts as one. We write emails a lot.”
Dave couldn’t hide a relieved breath. “And?” he asked.
“Before she was legal, that was a good enough reason to wait, the perfect excuse that she couldn't do anything about. Because, don't let her age fool ya; she can be determined as hell when she wants something. But with her turning 18 in a few weeks, that excuse won't hold up for much longer. And honestly? I'm not sure I want it to. I've tried to get rid of the feelings; thought if I leave and don't come back, they'll go away eventually. They haven't. And I'm all out of excuses. I think I'm ready to admit what I want. And I know she wants the same thing.”
Dave considered his friend, so torn between doing what he wanted and what he thought was right. As if on cue, Gus hid his face in his palms and mumbled through his fingers, “I’m a perv, right? Oh, god, I am! They’re gonna have me locked up, because clearly I’m a crazy person and a child molester and without morals. And I'm going to kill my father by giving him a heart attack. I'm an awful person.”
Gus looked so miserable again, Dave pitied him. “No, you’re not. At least not more so than any other person who’s head over heels. Okay, so maybe your situation is a bit... unorthodox, all things considered. Certainly not the norm. But you’re not a bad person. As far as I can tell,” Dave tried to joke. “You’re not... It’s not illegal to date an 18 year old, is it?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Then nobody can tell you no,” Dave reasoned, hoping to brighten Gus’s mood.
“Ha. No, that’s not how it works. If our dads are not on board with it... that's...” Gus stopped, not really wanting to think about that possibility, but needing to explain to Dave. “I'm not saying Dad's 'no' will put an end to things. But it will put a strain on Alex. On everyone, really. And... I could never do that to our family; drive a wedge between all of us. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to start anything off on a situation like that. I won't be that guy who makes her choose.”
“Tell me about her,” Dave prompted, in large part due to his curiosity about the girl that could, even from afar, unravel Gus in such a profound way, but also because he wanted to steer Gus’s thoughts to a more pleasant topic, seeing as how his friend was really suffering from the uncertainty.
“Oh, man,” Gus sighed loudly at Dave’s request. “Where to begin?”
“I’ve always had a soft spot for stories that start at the beginning,” Dave replied. “When did you notice there was something more; when did you know for sure? About her being the one, I mean.” Because it was clear as day that Gus’s infatuation with Alex wasn’t just a passing fling.
Gus thought for a few minutes before answering. “We've always had a special connection. Even as children. It only grew when I was a teenager. In a non-awkward, completely innocent way, of course.”
Dave nodded to indicate he was still listening.
“I just loved spending time with both of them.”
“Them?”
“Oh, yeah, Alex has a fraternal twin sister. That's Emma. I used to spend the afternoons at their house. Gosh, I built tree houses with them, went on treasure hunts, chased ghosts through the attic, sneaked into the garden of one of the neighbors to steal cherries.” Gus smiled, reminiscing. “Emma's the one with the crazy ideas. But then she'd get cold feet and Alex would step up and make us go through with... you know, whatever the recent adventure was. She's awesome like that. She's smart, and talented, and determined. She’s just... fuck, she’s amazing. But things didn't change until they were teenagers.”
“What happened then?”
“It wasn't something that happened. Just... viewpoints, I guess, that slowly shifted. Though I didn't realize it at the time. Like being jealous when she started going out on dates. At the time I thought it was just brotherly concern, you know?”
Dave nodded. He had younger siblings, too.
“I remember the first time a guy took her out. My dad was pacing the floor with me and Justin laughed and mocked us, though he was just as nervous, only better at masking it.” Gus smiled as he reminisced. “And when she came back, she took a look at us three, rolled her eyes and went upstairs.”
Dave used the lull in Gus' story to motion the waitress for two more drinks.
“I wasn't like this when Emma had her first date. Not nearly like this. Don't get me wrong – Dad and I still paced the floor and thought of creative ways to kill the guy she was with when they came back 10 minutes after curfew, but I didn't feel as sick with that blinding rage. You know? Once I realized the difference, things changed. No, that's not completely true. Things didn't change. I did. I looked at Alex and... yes, there was still my sister. But there was also... someone new. I let things get weird. Distanced myself. Threw myself into work and dating.”
Gus's finger circled the rim of his glass. Dave was about to prod him to continue, but that was when Gus spoke again, “I went out almost every night – bars, clubs, dates. Males, females. Didn't matter. Anything to take my mind off of things. I felt like a sociopath. I waited for these feelings to go away, stopped visiting my dads' house, went on extended vacations. Because if I wasn't careful, my thoughts would always circle back to, 'Why not?'”
The guilt was so clearly etched into Gus’s features, Dave wondered how he’d managed to live with it all this time. “When was that?”
“Uhmm,” Gus thought aloud, “about three years ago?”
“A long time to wait and hope,” Dave commented.
“Wait – yes. Hope – never. I was too weirded out about it being my sister to actually have hopes. Then one day, I knew it was going to happen.”
“How?”
Gus laughed. “She told me herself. It was a few months later and we were sitting by the pool, feet in the water. I think it was just after she turned 15. Fifteen going on 50, that's Alex. Wise beyond her years. She was sketching or doodling, I don't remember. Next thing I know she looks up at me and says that she's going to marry me when she grows up. I knew it was just some teenage fantasy on her part – the same way little girls say they will marry their daddies. But the way she said it... I don’t know. It didn’t sound like... You gotta know her to understand. She’s so serious most of the time. And the way she said it... with this... conviction, this absolute certainty... She sounded so sure of herself. And there was that moment, that small window of time where you're supposed to joke about it, to point out the absurdity of the statement and ridicule it. But I didn't. And she noticed. We shared a look and I knew I had to get the hell out of Dodge.”
“What’d ya do?”
“Fled the country?”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” Gus bit into his already dry-sucked lime. “Told ya I got my master's degree in Scotland. Quit my job at Kinnetik and shocked my dad with my decision. Made up a story about a great MBA program I've always dreamed about getting into. Had him pull some strings, which I'm not proud of, but it was preferable to staying. Justin suspected something happened; he had this look on his face, like he knew. But I refused to talk to him. Packed my bags and just left.”
Dave’s lips formed an ‘oh’. “You want my advice?” Dave asked rhetorically, because he was going to offer it anyway. But it helped that Gus nodded. “Drink up. Go home. Go to sleep. Then, in the morning, call your dads and tell them you need to speak to them. And then get on the next flight home.”
“Can’t. We can’t take days off,” Gus reminded him.
Dave nodded, thinking. He and Gus, as well as their entire entourage, would be leaving for Denver on Monday. “Tomorrow's Friday; there's not much happening here before we leave. You could go home for the weekend and meet us in Denver on Monday,” he suggested.
Gus blinked slowly, thinking about the feasibility of the plan. Why the hell not? Whichever way the talk went, it would still mean a load off his shoulders. And maybe the excuse to be able to flee the state would come in handy after the talk.
The End.
Gus & Alex's story is continued here