Grab Bag Round: Orbiting My Gravity (1/3)

Title: Orbiting My Gravity AO3 mirror
Rating: NC-17
Focus: Yixing/Jongdae, Yixing/Junmyeon
Length: 22.3k
Summary: In one hand he had Junmyeon, who is like the gravity take makes Yixing keep his both feet on the ground. He’s probably what got Yixing this far in life with his almost intact sanity, even between many regrets and unforgettable moments. In the other hand there was Jongdae, who he had really known for only a few days now and it was definitely still a mystery for Yixing, but still, spending time with Jongdae had felt like being throw in space without a suit, oxygen missing in his blood and his head feeling like it could blow up at any second but Yixing couldn't care because the stars were in his reach and the moon was bright, so bright.
Tags: famous au; paparazzi; dating rumors; blowjobs without protection; handjobs; mentions of homophobia

Notes: This is the first part of an ongoing series so it might seem unfinished, so just warning.
Thank you for reading this, I hope you all can enjoy it! (Also please forgive me for any mistakes this was edited while I was sleep deprived)

Lying is like makeup: The longer you do it the more you have to cover up. People are completely addicted to lying, to the point where everyone lies and everyone has something to pretend about. People mask themselves into a persona that at first are the promise of happiness. Instead of trying to achieve things, they’d rather pretend and live life like it’s all part of a big play and, when the curtains are closed and the show is over, they can go back to things how they were. It doesn’t matter anyway, because everyone else lies too, right? Yixing never liked lies. He finds it's extremely hard to step on stage and lie through his teeth to the people that support his career. He does it anyways, knowing that lying comes as a requirement to be an idol, just as much as singing and dancing. Yixing did realize, while he was drowning in his misery and guilt, that he would lie if necessary to protect something important. So he tried to find this something that would help him hold onto his character, he searched for a purpose. And after four years the thing that could keep Yixing with his both feet glued on the floor finally came. In the shape and name of Kim Junmyeon, Yixing found his gravity. Yixing would do anything and everything for Junmyeon. Even after almost two years of dating he still sneaked out of his dorm to watch a movie. It makes Yixing feel like a rebel teenager that run away with his thug boyfriend. Except Junmyeon wasn't punk at all, but a total softie instead. “Kyungsoo is giving you a hard time, isn't he?” Yixing draws Junmyeon’s attention away from his phone. Junmyeon looks up, higher than he normally would, thanks to the pastel blue cap he's wearing. He looks cute, Yixing thinks, with his oversized sweater and bare, sleepy face. “Barking dogs seldom bite,” Junmyeon fights a yawn, and guilt washes over Yixing. Dragging Junmyeon halfway across the city for them to watch a movie wasn't his best idea, he reckons. “I'm pretty sure Kyungsoo does both a lot,” Yixing fakes a shiver. “Kyungsoo? He is a soft guy, you're the one who's afraid of everything,” Junmyeon tries to reason. “Only of ghosts and birds,” Yixing his cap once again, looking around anxiously. Junmyeon looks at him from the corner of his eyes, and Yixing tries to shrug him off. “Have you seen their beaks? Terrifying.” “Is that so?” Junmyeon sounds unrepentant, making Yixing pout. “Don't make fun of me.” Yixing has their tickets in hand, guiding Junmyeon by the arm to the snack bar. “I'm not,” he says, but he's laughing. “Junmyeon,” Yixing wails, stomping his feet. “Yixing,” Junmyeon copies him, before they notice that the attendant is watching them. Yixing smiles as Junmyeon tries to disguise by pretending to look at their options. “Kyungsoo got me nachos from here once, when I got my first win," Junmyeon cleans his throat and smiles. “Wow, Kyungsoo is amazing,” Yixing mocks, earning himself a slap from it. He rubs at the spot Junmyeon just hit. “I guess that nachos it'll be, then. Please make it with extra cheese. And a Diet Coke, I'm trying to lose some weight,” Junmyeon only gives him a faint smile. The girl laughs loudly though, before bowing down in an apology, which Yixing shrugs off with a smile. Yixing gives her a wink when they're walking away and she blush violently. Junmyeon holds onto the nachos with his life and Yixing laughs, careful not to spill their drink. “You're such a playboy,” Junmyeon face looks shocked, but his voice tone gives it away. “What? She's cute, I would totally date her,” Yixing laughs. “If you weren't gay,” Junmyeon says, making Yixing sigh. Junmyeon pulling nervously at the end of his sleeves, making them wear out from stretching. It always earns him a scoff from Kyungsoo and a grimace from Minseok, but Yixing can’t help to find it endearing. It also feels soon for long sleeves, September's breeze being too warm to wear anything but t-shirts. Junmyeon is always cold though, so Yixing indulges him to his wardrobe choices. “Minor details, nothing to worry about,” that earns him another slap, on the same spot. “Ouch, if I didn't know better I'd say you don't love,” Yixing complains. “I keep getting slapped somehow.” “That’s on you for being an idiot. Plus you know better.” “Aw, Junmyeon, you love me,” he smiles at Junmyeon. “Are you crazy you idiot? Shut up someone could recognize us,” Junmyeon tries to be serious, but Yixing is making kissy faces and he can't stop himself from laughing. “I take that back I don't love you, I hate you.” “You can't take it back, that's not how it works,” Yixing sits down on the far back at the auditorium. He is trying to get used to the darkness of the room, walking around almost blindly. “Maybe, now shut up I want to pay attention,” he tries to shut down the conversation and Yixing is quick to oblige. Paying attention to the movie turns into a shy make out session over the seat’s arm only ten minutes after they sit down. Yixing finds himself not caring about it, delighted under with Junmyeon's touch. They spend the whole time paying attention to each other, rather than the movie itself. They kiss and whisper stupid things over the armrest and Yixing couldn't be happier. These are the kind of days that remind him his life is worth living. All the days he spends locked up in practice rooms, dancing and singing until he had no energy to spare, they seem like a distant time. Yet sometimes Yixing clutches himself to the things he achieved. He takes a deep breath and stock moments like today away in a jar, so he can remember not all days are bad days. “Remind me again, why are we here?” Yixing looks around the room, playfully tapping the buttons from the mixing table. Minseok shrugs, running his fingers through his sleek hair locks. He always changing the color to something different and bright but this time he surprisingly went for pitch black. It made Yixing raise his eyebrows when he first saw him, leaning on his car at the parking lot. “Something to do with a new collaboration, I guess,” Yixing hums in a form of mockery at Minseok’s answer. It would be stupid to drag them away from SM’s building if it was about that. Yixing doesn't feel right about this. "Maybe it's an artist from another company?" Yixing says unsure, trying to calm himself and Minseok only shrugs again. “What time did you get home yesterday?” Minseok takes his phone out, checking the hours, seeming awful impatient. Yixing is too, if he has to be honest. This schedule was not in the plans yesterday and only the president would dare to change it like that. The thought of seeing the president. “Can't remember,” Yixing throws his head back on the rotating chair, spinning twice. “You need to be careful, you could be seen Yixing, it'll get us both in trouble,” Minseok lectures him. “It already did,” a new voice makes Yixing take his eyes away from the ceiling. Jongdae is standing at the door, side by side Joohyun. He grimaces becuase there goes a good start of a day wasted by the sight of the most annoying singer SM ever signed with. His manager walks in first, handing Minseok her phone as Yixing stares, waiting with his hand splayed across his stomach. He doesn't spare a second glance towards Jongdae, who slips in after Joohyun, sitting far from Yixing. It makes Yixing glad, knowing the distaste is mutual. “Oh shit,” Minseok groans, and Yixing shifts in his chair. What could possible be so bad to the point of making the gentleman Minseok swear? "How did you get those?" "The president's assistant sent me," she reassured Minseok. Yixing is only happy to know that he was right about the president being directly involved. Yixing grabs the phone eagerly when Minseok hands it over to him, staring at the screen for a few minutes before saying a word. “You can't see my face in this, how do you know it's me?” Yixing tries to argue, but he knows. He recognizes the cap Junmyeon was wearing yesterday and also his favorite jumper. He knows it's them, but he doesn't want to admit he fucked up bad this time. Rumors about same sex couples are everywhere, specially with the amount of fanservice and skinship artists have. They are the money-maker when it comes to groups and honestly help a lot with publicity for solo artists too. Those interactions drive fans crazy and it never harmed anyone. But they're just a publicity stunt, something the fans carry on and make them rolls their eyes. This, compared to that is completely different, this is real. People might be more reasonable nowadays but in a society like the one they live in a gay couple in the music industry would mean the end of a career. Not everyone is straight of course, but everyone lies about it. They live their mouths shut off and accept heteronormativity, and it's fine as long as they get paid for it. Dating scandals are already career wrecking as it is, so playing this game with the paparazzi and calling a bluff, it’s something Yixing can’t afford to do. But even under the threat of the permanent end of his career Yixing can't think about himself. He thinks of Junmyeon instead, who's signed with a less understanding recording label. He thinks of how bad he messed up, picturing Junmyeon having to come out to his traditional parents. “Well, you can't in this one, but who knows if they have another picture?” Joohyun reasons, sitting besides Minseok. Minseok moves around for her to fit on the couch without going too far from her touch. "But what are you doing here?" Yixing asks, making a face at Jongdae. He's ignored and maybe it's for the best. "They called us, what else," she says like it's obvious. "Yes noona, but what does it have to do with them and more important, with the picture," Jongdae finally speaks. Yixing tries not to be childish and get mad at the sound of his voice. "I'm so fired," at the mention of the picture Minseok throws his head back, groaning. Yixing tries to ignore the mischievous smile that lifts the corner of Jongdae's mouth. "Not quite," the four of them stand together, bowing towards the door, where the president now stands. He doesn't look pleased, but neither does he look pissed. He is just... bored. Yixing never felt afraid of him like right now. "I can explain..." Minseok steps forward and Yixing swears his head is going to be snatched off. The president just stops him by lifting his hand. "We're making an experiment. Thanks to you," he looks at Yixing, making him lower his head. "And you," he points at Jongdae this time, making him gasp. "But sir, with all due respect, I don't have anything to do with this," Jongdae tries to argue. "Not this, but your sales have gone down a lot the last six months Jongdae." "So what? We are making a collaboration?" Yixing shouldn't interrupt the president like this, but he is confused. This won’t solve the problem, not even by far. Is the president crazy enough to call a bluff? Does he have all the confidence to put Yixing’s career on the line? Yixing is certain this situation can't get any worse. "No," he smiles for the first time, but instead of calming Yixing's nerves it just make him shiver. Yixing mentally curses his goddamn mouth, “You're going to date.” Hate is a not a word in Yixing’s everyday vocabulary. He figures that since he's a busy guy and should waste his energies with more useful things than being passionate about not liking something. Like how he doesn't enjoy spicy food, but whenever they give if for him to eat he just does. Or how he finds it difficult to watch rom coms but still endure it when Junmyeon insists on seeing them. Yixing is easy going, simple. He'd rather do something he doesn't like than make someone unhappy. Having that said, he could easily affirm he hates Jongdae. Yixing is not really sure why , but he does. Sounds irrational when said in that way, and he could think of some stuff that would ignite Yixing’s distaste for Jongdae. Like other’s smug way of smiling, trying to charm himself out of every hardship he encounters. Maybe Yixing doesn't like the way he flirts with everyone, how easily his eyes curve into crescent moons just make people enchanted by his fake faucet. He definitely hates Jongdae need to crack indecent jokes and be loud, calling for all the attention on the room like a spoiled boy. Minseok told him once Jongdae is not a bad person and that he seems to act this way only when Yixing is around. But Minseok thinks everyone is nice and should earn a biscuit, and hardly keeps to himself his thoughts about Yixing’s dramatic reactions. But in the end there's nothing anyone could say that would change that statement. Dating Jongdae, he concluded then, is going to be a disaster. “Can you stop worrying?” Junmyeon asks, pulling Yixing from his thoughts and breaking their kiss. He moves around, trying to get more comfortable on Yixing’s lap. For one thing Jongdae taking the blame was good: Junmyeon's name wouldn't come up and his career was safe. It's a shame Yixing couldn't say the same about his own. They're sitting on Junmyeon’s car, with matching irregular breaths, fast and short intakes to make up for the lack of air that they experienced just now. Yixing’s hands are on Junmyeon’s hips, holding him close and pushing every once in awhile. “I'm not worried,” Yixing says before trying to go in for another kiss. Junmyeon avert it by pulling his body away from Yixing and into the dashboard. “You either think lowly of me or you just like to pretend,” Junmyeon whispers, but the sound of his voice echoes in Yixing’s ears. “I didn't mean for that to happen,” Yixing confesses. Even after his conversation on the recording studios with the president, after He looks out of the window, to the parking lot. He knows it’s empty and even if it wasn’t, Junmyeon’s windows have film in them. Junmyeon himself ordered it done so they could feel safer driving around in this car. Though relaxed is the last thing Yixing is feeling right now. He's too afraid someone would pop up from behind a car and start taking pictures again or that someone could see through the window's film. “Well, look at the bright side, I'm safe from it,” Junmyeon laughs as Yixing groans in misery. “Not fair, plus now I still have to pretend I’m dating that idiot,” Yixing is whining and it's pitiful and ugly. “You don't have to talk about him like that,” Junmyeon says and there's regret in his voice. Yixing always forgets how close Junmyeon was to Jongdae before he started dating Yixing. Yixing did ask him the reason once, out of curiosity, but Junmyeon just made a sad face and shrugged him off. “I'm sorry, I know he was your friend. It's just, he just drives me crazy,” Yixing groans out of frustration, “Always acting high and almighty.” “Yeah, Jongdae can be a little difficult sometimes,” Junmyeon agrees. He is trying to smile but he not doing well, making Yixing almost immediately concerned. “I don't know how to do this,” Yixing confesses and it earns him a stroke from Junmyeon’s fingers on his cheek. “I know, I know. But to be fair it won’t kill you,” Junmyeon smiles and Yixing does the same under his boyfriend fingers. “At least only one of us got caught in the scandal,” he jokes, trying to ease the heaviness of the conversation. “Yeah, that'd be a disaster Kyungsoo would like to avoid,” Yixing jokes too, lightening the mood, but then he realizes something. “Oh shit! Kyungsoo is going to rip my head off and eat it with balsamic reduction.” Junmyeon laughs at his choice of words, but Yixing is dead serious about it. Kyungsoo is the Satan himself and there's no way he's going to come out with life this time. “Don't worry, Kyungsoo knows it’s not your fault,” Junmyeon brings his hand up, stroking the crown of dark hair of Yixing's head. “But still,” Yixing whines. Doesn't matter what he says, the guilt is not going away, at least not for now. “Xing, we have fifteen minutes before Minseok-hyung storms into this parking lot screaming about early schedules. Could you please stop worrying for nothing and kiss my goddamn mouth?” And he doesn't have to say it twice, looking like this, with pink swollen lips and hair sticking up everywhere, thanks to Yixing's wandering hands. So Yixing pulls him by the waist, kissing his mouth with more determination than before. He's challenging himself to say goodbye to a hot mess that once was his goody two-shoes boyfriend. The thousands of messages it's what wakes him up the next morning. He stares at his phone, the comments overflowing his latest posts in every social media account he ever made. It surprises him that they're not entirely bad. The company gave an official statement about it, talking privacy and equality. All the ridiculous stuff Yixing expected, but still got a lot of people going. To be completely honest Yixing expected less from a society like the one they live in. It's not like Yixing didn't think about it, having his sexuality as a topic, a fact of his life exposed for strangers to judge. Even though his relationship with Jongdae was supposed to be nothing but an advertisement for their company, this is real and it's about Yixing. He's gay, there's no running away or turning his back on that. Any consequences that come from it, they're as real as it can get. Throwing his covers of off his body, Yixing sighs loudly, coming down to the floor for a shirt he discarded yesterday. There's a knock on the door, making Yixing freeze. “Can I come in?” Minseok's head peeks behind the door. Yixing nods once, going back to fishing his clothes from the floor. “You look tired,” he says and Yixing snorts. “Tired doesn't even cover it,” Yixing sighs again, sitting down at the end of his bed. “We have to get to the company,” Minseok smiles apologetic, reaching for Yixing’s jacket on the table. His phone interrupts them, ringing from where Yixing fetches it in his back pocket. He checks the caller ID, groaning at the sight of his mother’s name. “Hi mom,” Yixing smiles at how easy Chinese slips from his mouth and, despite the exhaustion. “Yixing, my baby,” She sounds tired, and it makes Yixing sad. Yixing clutches to the phone, having no idea he had forgotten how his mom sounds like until he hears it. It's a welcome feeling, nostalgy hitting him. He tries to remember her laugh too, but Yixing doesn't have a good memory, not even for something important like that. "What happened?" Yixing figures she already read about him so there's no point in lying. “Sorry mom. It's just… It's not real, we are not together,” his voice is barely a whisper. It's not real, he lying once again. “Oh, that is…” There's hesitation in her voice, “So you're not…” She trails off, waiting. Yixing didn't think about this, he was hoping she wouldn't see somehow the news about her son. “That part is true mom,” Yixing sighs. This is definitely not how he wanted to come out to his mom. “Oh Yixing,” she sighs. Last thing he needs is his mom disappointed at him, “Why didn't you tell me?” “I don't know mom, I didn't want you to hate me maybe,” Yixing sits down. He can hear her cry on the other side of the line. “I don't hate you silly, you're my son,” well that is unexpected. “You don't?” Yixing sees Minseok staring at him with concern in his eyes. Yixing relief his hold on the phone. “All I want is for you to be happy Yixing, anything else doesn't matter,” Yixing is surprised, really. He never expected that, but maybe he should have given her more credit, she's his mom after all. “I'm not dating that boy they're saying I am mom, but I… I have a boyfriend,” he hesitates. How long did he waited and hoped he could tell her about Junmyeon? “You do? And when do I get to meet him?” She sounds so so happy and Yixing’s heart skips a beat. “Soon mom, I promise it's just… I have to go now, okay?” Yixing is already grabbing his stuff, Minseok jumping on his feet at the motion. Before she can say goodbye they're already out of the apartment. “Is she okay? With all this I mean,” Minseok asks when they're inside the elevator. “Yeah. Yeah, she is,” Yixing answers, not being able to take his eyes away from his own reflection. Maybe he shouldn't have kept that for so long from her, maybe he should've trusted her love for him, believed more. Lying to his own mother is wrong, Yixing is fully aware of that, but he used to think it was necessary. Now that he knows her reaction he's seriously questioning that decision. Yixing found himself again in the presence of Jongdae of the second time in two days. It was a record for them, but Minseok said they should get used to it, so he's not sure why he's surprised. Maybe it gave him something to think while the president’s secretary speaks his tongue off. “What are those dates? We have to review that, I'm not sure Yixing has all those nights off,” Minseok is treating this whole thing like a business, as always. He's been doing the most talking, even more than the secretary. Yixing knows it's just Minseok’s way of sticking up for him without saying ‘don't worry I got you’ . It makes Yixing glad to know he has a friend in this whole mess. “I need to check Jongdae’s schedule too,” Joohyun gives them a nod, writing something down on her little notebook. Yixing looks at Jongdae, who's being awfully quiet today. He's staring at the table, unaware, unfazed and Yixing has never seen him look that lost. “But tonight is okay, right?” The secretary asks, distracted with his own notes. Yixing feels like throwing up. “Yeah, tonight shouldn’t be a problem,” Minseok shrugs. Not a problem, he says. Yixing exhale is strong, getting Jongdae’s attention from the other side of the table, playing with a pencil he found on the table. There's a ridiculousness in this whole thing, but also some brilliance. Their names are on the top of every search website and his songs climbed to first place in many music charts quickly, even if his previous album was released months ago. Jongdae’s sales might have gone up too, not that Yixing bothered to check up. So yes, taking the credit and the rush for the first openly gay celebrity couple in Korea was a smart move. Risky, but smart. Yixing thought about this, coming out to his fans, not having to lie anymore. The timeline was a little messy- he expected to do so only in the distant future, when it wouldn't matter anymore. The how is off too, after all he wanted to do this so he could stop pretending, not to get himself into a big, faking show. Yixing is much of a drama queen, though. He admits - only to himself of course - that he could handle this situation without complaining. He had done it several times in the past, playing a part he didn't want to. It's just another day of work, one more thing on his to-do list. They don't have to do much after all. A few secret dates the media is bound to find out about couple stuff like jackets and rings that they'd have to use for a while, letting slip some sort of hint about their relationship. Easy breezy. Yixing can do this for sure. And if he tries things will work out better than he would have expected. Yixing can't do this. He can't stay inside a room with Jongdae for more than five minutes because chaos will eventually erupt, that's for sure. Who's stupid idea was to lock them in the practice room? Oh right, Joonhyun. Sweet and innocent Joonhyun-noona. Yixing hates her and not only because she keeps stealing Minseok-hyung to go over “details”, but also because he's trapped here with Mr. Starboy for the rest of his evening. Yixing might as well kill himself if he has to listen to his voice once more. “Could you stop walking back and forth? You're going to dig a hole in that spot,” Jongdae looked up from the music sheet he's studying to stare intensely at Yixing. He doesn't sound angry, just uninterested. “Why do you care if I dig a hole or not? I might use it to get away from you,” Yixing voice is bitter. Jongdae’s brows furrow, but Yixing doesn't stop walking. “We're stuck with each other until the company decides otherwise,” Yixing groans at the reminder, but Jongdae simply ignores. “You could at least try.” “Do you think I'm not trying pretty boy? Being in the same room as you without attempting murder, now that's progress,” Yixing stops moving to stare at Jongdae in the eye, challenge written all over his face. He knows this is pointless, provoking the other endlessly. Yet he just can't help wanting to fight Jongdae so badly even though the other is not doing much except going over his songs. Scratch that, Jongdae is slippy, he's always up to something. “Look, I don’t know what you have against me,” Jongdae says, trying to ignore Yixing’s snort. “I don't even care at this point to be honest, but you got us in this situation, with your wandering hands and teenager-like brain that can't grasp the idea of discretion when it comes to your cute little innocent boyfriend.” “Excuse me?” Yixing stares at Jongdae in awe. Jongdae sighs, determined to not fight with Yixing at least for the night. “Forget about it, I'm too tired for this shit,” he goes back to his papers, not looking up again as Yixing resumes to his walking. “Oh yes, golden boy and his tight schedule can't find time to squeeze for mere mortals like me,” Yixing’s pushing too hard, not being able to control himself. Jongdae takes a deep breath. Yixing expects him to talk back, come up with something equally degrading about Yixing. “That's exactly the point. If you excuse me,” then Jongdae is getting up, ignoring Yixing who's frozen in the spot, mouth hanging open. For the first time, he realizes as he watches the other gather his stuff and walk away, he's at loss of words for Kim Jongdae. Dating Kim Jongdae is hard. In all honesty they barely have to spend time together, apart from the few times they shared a practice room for the sake of the show. Somehow it doesn't make anything easier on Yixing’s side. Everything appears remains the same, despite the upside down turn his life took three weeks ago. Insults are still being thrown on the middle of SM’s building hallways every time he and Jongdae cross paths. Junmyeon is still the positive ball he always was, if not he's more optimistic than before, trying to compensate Yixing’s lack of good thoughts. Still, things are not the same. Admitting he let the weight of his encounters with Jongdae and all the lectures he’s receiving this days from Minseok bring him down. Yixing accepted the gray heavy cloud floating above his head like it was an old friend. Life repeats itself sometimes, he thinks, as he remembers when he was nothing but a trainee trying to debut in a foreign country. Yixing does what it's expected of him once again, claiming his old habits of trying and pleasing everyone around him. Some habits are harder to break than others, he guesses. He works twice as hard now if possible, the unforgivable pace of his practices and appearances practically dragging him. He's allowing people to throw him right and left, and then back again. He exhaust himself in so he can forget, but the weight of his past regrets seem to persist, sneaking around in the shadows and longing for a good comeback. He feels like he's walking on the tightrope, the strong wind pushing against his skin and lions waiting just below it for a change to bite into his flesh. Of course no one notices his constant agitated state because this is a place where people lack of sensibility and touch. That's why Yixing finds himself constantly counting to ten, breathing in and out to prevent an explosion. Jongdae also seems to be ten times more annoying. On this particular day, when Yixing failed to get some sleep the previous night, he seems to be even more insufferable than ever. Yixing just got back from overseas, ready to collapse against any surface near him, but still he had to be around Jongdae. “Can you dance more quietly?” He mutters from where he's sitting on the leather couch. It's one of those days where them both have to stand each other for ridiculous six hours. Sharing the same practice space and trying to avoid jumping at each other's throat. “No I can't,” Yixing replies, striping out of his jacket. He was suffering from the combined heating system and blood filling his muscles. Ignoring Jongdae funny look at his shirt, because there's nothing wrong with tank tops, Yixing goes back to dancing. When Yixing asked earlier to lower down the heat Jongdae had cursed at him, claiming he's still coming down from a cold. Yixing knows now he was just being a little piece of shit, watching through the mirror as redness starts filling Jongdae’s cheeks. If he wants to feel uncomfortable Yixing isn't going to stop him. “What's the use anyways?” Jongdae mostly talks to himself but with the deadly silence filling the room Yixing hears him anyway. “If you have something to say just do it,” Yixing spits out, challenging him with a look through the mirror. Jongdae sighs, still staring at his crumbled music sheets. “Doesn't matter how hard you practice, it won't compensate your lack of talent for singing,” he has his eyes on him now, determined and mean. Yixing knows it's only to make him upset, and normally he wouldn't even bother answering, but today is not a normal day. Yixing is officially full of Jongdae’s unnecessary sassiness. “Not that you would know about it anyways, you don't know what's like to work hard for something,” Yixing is practically growling. “Do you think just because you have more years as a trainee you can't look down on others that don't?” Jongdae is standing now, approaching Yixing at a threatening pace. Yixing doesn't steps away, facing Jongdae with his stuffed chest like in a contest for the real alpha male. “You are the one who seems to think that just because you debuted only after one year you're hot stuff.” “Maybe you just can't accept the fact that I'm more talented and popular,” Jongdae groans. “I know people who worked twice as hard as me to get where they are now. Seeing a smug idiot like you place first in the charts simply because you get better songs is everything but comforting,” Yixing is angry. He's so angry he could kill Jongdae right now. He'd probably do it if didn't mean he was going to prison and Jongdae is definitely not worth throwing his life away. “And you think I didn't deserve it any more than any of you,” it's not a question, it's a statement. When Yixing looks at Jongdae this time he almost apologizes. “I earned my place in this company. I might have not done it in the first years but if I was only lucky I wouldn't live through the first two years before they found a new shining star. I earned everything I got as much as you did and there's nothing your jealous thoughts could produce as an excuse that would make me forget that,” Jongdae finishes his monologue and just stares at Yixing, tears accumulating in the corner of his eyes, making Yixing’s stomach fall to the floor, now regretting every word he let out on him. But before he can reach out to Jongdae, before he has the decency to admit he crossed the line, Jongdae is bumping against Yixing's shoulder and grabbing his things in a rush. He storms out of the room before Yixing can even figured out what to say, stuck in the same spot for good ten minutes until Minseok comes to him and starts yelling about being late again. These days Yixing seems to be late for everything.